Rachel Kramer Bussel Is Back!

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Email Luke Archives Photos Stars Essays Search Luke Is Back.com Headline News Click Here - The Movie Nov 25

I Want To Meet The Australian Porn Mafia

Over the years, I've talked a lot of smack about the Australian Porn Mafia. Now I want to go meet them face to face. I'm buying my ticket for down under. Anyone have contact info for Greg Lasrado, Scott Phillips, Dean Shannon, Guy McKenzie, John Atherton?

Trevor writes:

Scotty has sold out and retired.
Dean has sold out and is doing straight stuff.
Greg has sold out and is god knows where.
John has lost his merchant accounts and is still the same.
N ot many big players left Guy and Yohan are still in business.

Khunrum writes;

Luke.. I believe your readers are about as interested in the Aussie Porn Mafia as they are George "Dubya" Bush's recent trip to Canada. zzzzzzzzzzzzz! Why waste a ticket to "down under"? As I've suggested before, you need to take on an assignment that will put you on the map. One that will make you a star journalist. A Frank Capra figure for our times......

With that in mind I suggest you change your travel venue to Iraqi. Investigate the deadly Falluja Porn Mafia. Questions to ask: Just how many virgins is one promised to blow oneself to "kingdom come"? If the explosives don't go off will the faithful bomber be offered a consolation prize, a few goats perhaps?. Go get 'em Luke. Make us proud of you.

Australian Porn Mafia posts on Oprano.com:

Gday Mates. We, da powers dat be is pleased to promounce dat we and da boys from New Yoik have poichased the Oprano message boid. From now on, when you poist a massage you owe me and da boys thoity cents aussie. If we dont see da bling, you feel da sting. Ya get da drift. I hoipe we can all enjoy a bery proifitable relationship thing. Tanx

Catching Up With Joseph Elkind

I catch him on his cell.

Luke: "What are you working on these days?"

Joe E: "I'm taking apart these off-shore structures and showing how they don't work."

Luke: "Is that to do with your lawsuit with JB [John Bennet, JoeE's former partner in CEN]?"

Joe E: "It has to do with the IRS and the US government."

Luke: "You're working for them?"

Joe E: "I can't say that. I'm in an attorney's office right now and I can't talk."

Farrah Interview

I call her on her cell and catch her in the middle of dinner.

Farrah: "Luke is back. How about Farrah is back?

"I'm not doing any movies. I'm single. I haven't done a movie in four-and-a-half years. I'm working with one of my friends doing an Internet Who Wants To Be A Porn Star deal. I'm one of the judges. I'm out recruiting, looking for beautiful chicks.

"I'm on the circuit. I'm looking everywhere. Each of the cities I go to, I speak to girls, go to the clubs... The winner will get $100,000, a DVD, and a chance at a contract. I won't say yet the company that has our back.

"We have six-to-ten women now who are interested. Right now we are going through the legality of it. We're going to get at least 100 girls. If they don't get a contract, they can get recognization through you to further themselves to be a porn star.

"I'm doing my home movies.

"I'm having dinner -- scallops, salmon, antipasta."

Penthouse Launches Hardcore DVD Division

They're going to sign up to a dozen contract girls and there will be a massive talent call December 14. More details to come. Penthouse Pets Victoria Zdrok and Ginger Jolie were on the Howard Stern show yesterday.

Remember when Luke was the Internet's leading humourist?

Admittedly its been awhile since Mr Ford was consistently funny. Something happened about six months ago. I'm not sure what, but I suspect that it might have something to do with Mr Ford's stunning success as a book author. Riding tall in the saddle, he probably started to look down on the blogosphere and his little army of fans. "I'm too good for them," he may have thought to himself. "Blogging is for losers. Blog reading is for even bigger losers. Suckers!"

Harry Potter Shocker

Jack writes:

You think Nipplegate and Towelgate were big deals? That's nothing compared to the potential shocker offered up by the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban DVD. Put in the Special Features DVD, click on "Divinations" to watch the deleted scenes, and click on the third scene. At the end, Harry Potter picks up a chocolate and starts eating it. Ron yells, "Don't eat that one, it will make you...". Ron never finishes the sentence, a sure indication that saying what's about to happen wouldn't be prudent for a clean PG movie. Harry eats the chocolate, his eyes go wide, he gets a big grin on his face, and he appears to bend over rhytimically, exactly the way someone would do if they were ejaculating into their pants. Then Ron says "Never mind" Don't take my word for it- check it out yourself! One website says "Harry eats the chocolate and starts laughing". He never laughs. And if it was laughing, why would ron not be able to say the word "laugh" in a clean PG movie?

Vicodin Before Shoots

Renton405 writes on ADT: "I'm hearing lots of the girls nowadays are taking things like Vicodin(which is really big in LA) and other narcotic type painkillers, oxycontins, before scenes. I hear its a really really big growing trend. Is this supposed to enhance sex? Or just more numb the uncomfortableness/pain before an anal scene. I remember taking vicodin few times and I couldnt get hard if the world depended on it."

Kami Andrews writes: "I have never been offered drugs on any set in over a year by a producer or member of crew. (and dont think I havnt asked) for every girl using vics for a scene there is one who isn't. a good example of an excellent anal queen who never even takes advil before a scene is Isabel Ice. I also know the Julie Knight and Corina Taylor have never taken Vicaden before a scene."

Luke says: I've never seen any strong drug offered around on set than marijuana or vicodin or oxycontin.

James Boston writes: "You'd think cyclobenzaprine would be a natural choice for relaxing certain muscles before you need painkillers."

Rachel Bussel Kramer Interview

I was just finishing dinner Sunday night (first course was a piece of wholewheat toast with peanut butter and sliced tomato on it, second course was a piece of toast with peanut butter, peach preserves and a squashed banana), when my phone rang at 5:35pm. It was Rachel, the Village Voice sex columnist.

I asked her to call me back in two minutes, during which time I washed my plate and brushed my teeth and honed my questions.

The thing between Rachel and I had started innocently. Lainie Speiser, the yeshiva girl turned Penthouse publicist, emailed me 11/10:

Here's an interview you should TOTALLY do! Rachel Bussel, fellow hebress and porn peddler from Teaneck, New Jersey is an editor of Variations one of our specialty publications and she just edited this new sex book called "Naughty Spanking" Stories for A to Z.

She's a cutie too. And a sister of sappho. And she writes a sexy little column in The Village Voice. She sorta reminds me of Batgirl in the Batman series, the way Barbara/Batgirl looked as a mere mortal person.

Here's her pic (Rachel wears glasses) from a Halloween party I threw. She's very cool and open.

And now here we were chatting away like two Jewish sex columnists who had never met.

Rachel's latest book is for the whole family, Jewish or goyish: Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z.

Duke: "How do you know Lainie?"

Rachel: "I work at Penthouse Variations. She's totally cool. She's like, I'll send out this press release about you. I'm like, ok."

Duke: "How old are you?"

Rachel: "I'm 29."

Duke: "When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Rachel: "I was just reminded at Thanksgiving that I wanted to be a geneticist, which sounded exciting when I was little, before I did any science. Then I wanted to be a politician. Then I wanted to be a lawyer and I went to [NYU] law school."

Duke: "You did undergraduate at UC Berkeley?"

Rachel: "I majored in political science and women's studies. I went to law school. Then I started writing porn [in 2000]. I started writing essays about buying my first vibrator. I wrote an erotica story about Monica Lewinsky.

"Then I left law school [just short of graduation] because I realized I didn't want to be a lawyer. Then I fell into a lot of the other stuff that I've done. People have just asked me to work on this book or just asked me to work at Penthouse Variations.

"I was in law school for three years. I could've graduated but I didn't because I sorta had a nervous breakdown. I just never went back. It was a difficult time. It was the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I decided to just cut my losses and try to pay off my loans. I don't think I would be happy as a lawyer."

Duke: "What did your family want you to become?"

Rachel: "I don't think they had any expectations. They wanted me to take time off after graduating college [at age 20]. I thought no. I know what I want to do. I don't think my family loves what I do now but they know that I'm happy.

"I was 23 when I left law school. I owed $150,000. I took any jobs, day jobs, as a secretary and stuff. I was always writing on the side. This year I got this job as an editor at Penthouse Variations. I just started writing a column for the Village Voice. And I did this new book, Naughty Spanking Stories. All those things were things people asked me to do. Now I'm starting to do stuff that I came up with.

"This year, everything I've wanted professionally has happened.

"Carly Milne hooked me up with Cousin Stevie from Family Business (Showtime program). I interviewed him for a coming issue of Penthouse. They taped the interview for Family Business. About a month before, I'd thought I wanted to be on that show."

Duke: "Since what age have you worn glasses?"

Rachel: "I can't really remember not wearing them."

Duke: "Who's the blonde woman in your picture?"

Rachel: "Blonde with pigtails and a gold dress? We don't know her name. We just call her Pocahontas. She was at this Halloween party and I thought she was really pretty. My friends made me get my picture taken with her. I was like, no. I'm too nervous. She's so pretty. But we took the picture."

Rachel stands about 5'3".

Duke: "Would you ever pose naked?"

Rachel: "I have. For Onourbacks print magazine in 2000 and more recently for the website Thatstrangegirl.com under the psuedonym Tanya."

Duke: "What size are you up tonight?"

Rachel: "My bra size?"

Duke: "Umm. Yeah."

Rachel: "36C."

Duke: "You look different in these pictures. You look like you weigh more in these pictures."

Rachel: "They were at least a year-and-a-half ago. I've probably lost 20 pounds this year."

Duke: "How did you lose the weight?"

Rachel: "I had a dramatic breakup on Valentines Day. Stress. I figured I could either drink a lot, eat a lot, and sit around the house or I could stop drinking and be healthy and walk a lot.I used that as something to make me feel better. This year I've done more writing than in the rest of my life combined. Not drinking helps me."

Rachel is bisexual, though she's been heavily into girls the past few years. "I first slept with a woman when I was in college (circa 1994). Then I moved to New York in 1996 and that's when I more identified as queer.

"I had a story in Best Lesbian Erotica 2005 which is called 'The End' [it is about her Valentine's Day breakup]. It's not that erotic.

"I wouldn't write about someone [she's slept with] without their consent or I would disguise them to make them anonmyous. Sometimes people will ask me to write about them. I just had this sex date with Betty Dodson's [she's 75, he's 28] boyfriend Eric. I've never had someone say you can write about me like that."

Duke: "Why do you think most sex columnists are women?"

Rachel: "Because we're used to talking about sex. Every time I go out with my friends, male or female, it comes up. I would imagine that men in general aren't sitting around disecting their sex lives in the way a lot of women do. Some guys who write about it do it in a jokey way."

Duke: "What about the idea that writing about sex is unladylike?"

Rachel: "I've never felt ladylike, even before I was writing about sex. I didn't grow up with the idea that I was supposed to be ladylike. Someone who thinks that way wouldn't be reading a sex column anyway."

Duke: "Would you ever work as an escort?"

Rachel: "Not unless it was an unusual circumstance, for an outrageous amount of money, an Indecent Proposal sort of thing. There have been times when I've been financially strapped and I've considered various kinds of sex work."

Duke: "Do you have much of an urge towards self destruction?"

Rachel: "I do. I've worked overly hard to combat that. I could easily be someone who drank a lot."

Duke: "Are you prone to depression?"

Rachel: "I am. I have a depressive side of me and an optimistic side of me. I'm not out socializing when I'm depressed. I'm often blogging when I'm depressed. Blogging...is a purging and I forget that other people read it."

Duke: "How does being Jewish affect you and your writing?"

Rachel: "I almost want to say it doesn't. The times I notice I'm Jewish the most are when I'm confronted with people who not only are not Jewish, but have no experience around Jews.

"I grew up in Northern New Jersey. I lived in Berkeley. I've lived in New York. I've been surrounded not only by Jews but by people who've been around them."

Duke: "Do you believe in God?"

She giggles. "That's a tough question. Sometimes. I would like to believe in God."

Duke: "Can you see yourself having kids?"

Rachel: "Definitely. If I were more financially stable, I could see myself doing that."

Kendra Jade Chat

KendraJXXX: why you flirting so much with mary carey dont you know ill be jealous?
DukeFloored: she's a nice girl
KendraJXXX: only one porn girl for you !
KendraJXXX: im sure she is very nice
KendraJXXX: however ....i was the first
KendraJXXX: if you need filler, you call me
KendraJXXX: going to lunch with her! shame on you !
KendraJXXX: you are a bad jew!
KendraJXXX: you should go repent
KendraJXXX: read the torah or something
KendraJXXX: anyway , tell that mary carey that you were mine first ! grr!! ;) KendraJXXX: or at least invite me to lunch with you guys!
DukeFloored: how r u torah studies?
KendraJXXX: they've been put on hold for now..
KendraJXXX: i work too much
KendraJXXX: well im off...just wanted to tease you a little bit over your new found love
DukeFloored: work in what?
KendraJXXX: im still dancing all the friggin time. sucks , but it pays the bills!
DukeFloored: may i quote this?
KendraJXXX: you know me , i dont care
KendraJXXX: just dont take it out of context like you sometimes do :)
DukeFloored: ur official website is?
KendraJXXX: kendrajadeonline.com
KendraJXXX: cuz those people at clubjenna dont do s--- for my other site, kendrajxxx.com

Khunrum writes: "All women want to go to lunch or dinner. They are always hungry, seldom horny. Let's do lunch means "I eat, you pay"...if there are multiple women it kicks the tab up. If they're drinking it can get rather pricey. My rule is, if I am boffing them I'll take them to lunch and dinner. No poon-no food. I'm insulted that women think I should buy them dinners just to talk to them. Most of the conversation consists of their complaints about one thing or another anyway. "My X is a jerk....my job sucks"....I say to my fellow mongers, keep your money in your pocket. if you are not getting the tang don't waste your hard earned sheckels. Spend it on yourself. You'll feel better in the morning."

Raylene Marries Brad Hirsch

I believe that former Vivid girl Raylene (her father is Jewish) has converted to Judaism and married Steve Hirsch's younger brother Brad.

Bad Reviews On Chasey Lain

It is sad to see a star stay too long. First there was Mohammed Ali, then Mike Tyson, now Chasey Lain.

Lzogh writes on TER:

I had a session with her a few days ago.... One word description: YUCK! First of all, she reeked of cigarettes....... She was NOT clean...biggest turn off.... I had asked to see a different girl but the service screwed up (I wonder how)AFTER I checked into the hotel..... I had never seen her so I decided to give it a shot... BIG MISTAKE! She smelled downstairs (badly) even her feet were dirty... Anyway it was a quick "hope she leaves quickly without askinG her to leave" deal... Don't make the same mistake I did.... What a waste of big$$.

William Shatner writes:

I was never fond of her as a performer, but I always thought she was a good woman in over her head, and while I never agreed with her sleazy bukkake antics, she served this nation well and was loved by most Americans.

I'm the primary caregiver for my cousin Sid, who is suffering from the ravages of porn-induced dementia. He bought himself a Chasey Lain rubber vagina and now spends his days in a darkened room watching her videos and playing with his new toy. When he does leave the house he dons a trenchcoat and fake beard. It's a shame watching someone you know and love turn into a complete degenerate, so it's probably for the best for Chasey and her family that she hang it up and ride off into the sunset. We don't need to watch her embarass herself any further IMHO.

May she be at peace.

Mary Carey Calls

We were supposed to have lunch at 1pm Friday. She calls me back at 3:07pm Friday. She sounds hung over.

Mary: "I'm sorry. My throat is hurting really bad because I drunk a whole bunch yesterday. I was going to pick Jessica Jaymes up. She was going to come to lunch with us. I just woke up."

You sound horrible.

Mary: "I know I do. I danced on Wednesday night [at Spearmint Rhino in Southern California]. I was mad that I only brought 20 DVDs with me because I sold out on the first show.

"Yesterday I went to Bob Taylor's [Playboy producer] party with Jessica, Holly Hollywood, Kaylin. I drank until 6am. I woke up at 2:30pm. I slept through my alarm.

"But now I feel bad because I don't want you to think that I'm a flake.

Mary: "Did you see my article in The LA Times? Isn't that the funniest thing ever? I was so sad. There's a game tonight and I can't go because I have to dance. If I went to that game, it would be really good publicity. I'm going to the game on December 8th."

Are you friends with Jerry Buss?

Mary: "No. I got the tickets through a ticket broker. I told him that I need to sit in the same seats because I know the Lakers had noticed me on Sunday. My fantasy is to have sex with all of the Lakers, but not Kobe Bryant. His wife was sitting three rows behind me.

"I have to get my nails done, tanning, and get my AIDS test. How about lunch tomorrow?"

I can't.

"I'm going to cry. I'm shooting a movie on the seventh and eighth. I'm working with Julian again. He's cute, isn't he?"

Umm.

"Is there any gossip on him I should know about?"

He's always been a gentleman as far as I know.

"Don't you think he's cute? I think he has a really pretty penis."

I've never thought about it.

"What does your penis look like?"

Very small. You can't even see it.

"I don't believe that. Hannah Harper wants to come to lunch with you. Jessica Jaymes wants to meet you.

"I started drinking wine last night around 5. I drank wine until midnight [about two bottles total]. Then I drank a whole bunch of vodka. Then I came to my place and I drank tequila. That's really bad. I need to quit drinking. I get really crazy when I drink. But at least I'm not doing drugs.

"I want you to come see me dance. I'm such a good dancer. You can hang out in my dressing room and have sex with me. You don't have to be afraid of the porn fans.

"You should come to my movie set so I can look at you while I'm having sex with Julian.

"I got an email yesterday from a guy who said he was friends with you. He was telling me how he likes your web site. That he likes what you write about me better than other web sites.

"I've been so overwhelmed by emails in the last six months, that I have over 3000 in my in-box. I am only able to do ten a day. I get overwhelmed and I erase them. What we could do one day is that we could have an email party and you could help me write my emails."

I laugh.

"I like to email everybody back myself but after I do about ten, I can't do anymore.

"I need to leave for Rialto soon. I'm going to pee on the phone with you. But I can't find my toilet paper. My place is such a mess. You should see how messy my place is. I throw my clothes everywhere. My maid comes once a month.

"I had to fart."

She giggles. "Are you single?"

I am.

"Why?"

I laugh.

"Why don't you and I have sex and get married? Are you a legal citizen?"

Yes.

"Hannah Harper is the nicest girl in the world. There's not a single person who will say anything bad about her. Are you nice?"

Hmm.

"You're nice to me. I've been told to be careful what I say to you.

"I've only been doing porn for a couple of years. I feel like I've been doing porn longer than that.

"Will you come to my house and have sex with me? I'm really horny."

I've got to go.

Mary: "I make guys I date go to AIM also. This one guy I'm kinda seeing. I made him take the HIV-gonorrhea-chlamydia test. I hate condoms. So I like everyone to get tested. If you and I were to date, couldn't we just get tested a lot so we could have sex with no condoms? I don't even do that many movies."

That's always scared me.

"Have you ever dated a porn girl?"

Not really.

"Yes you have. Don't lie to me.

"You're a Gemini. So am I. That would be bad. Geminis are the greatest sign there is. They are the most fun.

"I need to get my hair done tomorrow."

How long is it?

"It's really long. I have extensions. I need to get my roots colored.

"Please come to my place. I will tell you where I live if you will come have sex with me."

I can't. My religious beliefs prevent me. I have to go to synagogue in 20 minutes.

"That's perfect. You can come have sex with me and then go to synagogue and get your sins forgiven.

"I've got to go get my nails done. I've got to go on a chick run. I'm going to stay sober tonight.

"Why don't you like me?"

I do.

"To have sex."

I barely know you.

"You know all about me. Well, true, you don't. I always act different until someone gets to know me. I'm really horny. I need someone to f--- me."

I'm sure you won't have any trouble.

"But now that you keep saying no, I like you more. Now you are going to be my goal. My goal is to have sex with you."

I'm afraid it would compromise my journalistic integrity.

"You don't have to tell anybody. Right?"

Right.

"I didn't know British people were Jewish."

I'm Australian.

"I didn't know Australian people were Jewish.

"I could convert to Judaism for you. I went to an all-Jewish high school -- Pinecrest. In Florida, the rich people are usually Jewish people."

The rich people everywhere are usually Jewish people.

"Why is that? I definitely need to convert to Judaism. Maybe I'll have more money then."

The values that Judaism imparts make...

"How do I convert? Start going to temple a lot?"

That would be a beginning. You could go to the University of Judaism.

"Would you go to temple with me?"

Sure.

"You want to go tomorrow?"

Umm.

"I'll need you to pick me up. I've got two nice cars but I'm a bad driver."

I can't drive on the Sabbath.

"So we could walk to temple together. Maybe I could drive to your house and we could walk together?"

Umm, sure, but...

"You're so far away. I'll need a helicopter to get there. I could take a taxi but I have a fear of taxi drivers because I had a taxi driver about a year ago recognize me. He pulled over to the side of the road and said, let's have sex. He was really ugly. It was scary.

"Well, I want to go to temple. How are we going to do this? Maybe we could go when I get back?"

Yeah.

"I'll convert to Judaism so we can get married and have Jewish babies. That would be fun, wouldn't it? I would be a good mommy."

Do you have younger brothers and sisters?

"No. I'm an only child. That's why I think I'm in porn. I had so much attention growing up. I need attention or I go crazy. I wasn't abused. I was just overly attentioned."

Why am I getting so many emails for Viagra?

It's not just viagra, but the other drugs - levitra and cialis, too. I fear that word has spread along some as yet invisible grapevine that I am in need of some assistance in the bedroom. I want you potential mates to know that nothing could be further from the truth. I am fully potent and able to satisfy any woman in ways that approach the realm of fiction. (My nickname in my previous job was "Luke Batters," as in "that Luke, he is never without his wooden baseball bat.")

I'll bet neither Bill Gates nor Paris Hilton get such emails.

Questions For The Darkest Night

Chaim Amalek writes:

Did you have sex with that Mary Carey person?
Are her breasts real?
What fraction of her bio do you suppose is true?
Which of the women in your life have the best [character]?

1. No.
2. I don't think so but I do not know.
3. Don't know.
4. Women I can't list on this site.

Eva Angelina Interview II

Eva: "I resent my friends a lot. They were the ones who pushed me to be mean to him [Dan Beard aka Rigger Dan, who committed suicide November 7]. I was very mean to him the last week-and-a-half that we were together. I was brutal. I said some f------up s---. It was only because I was trying to be strong. They influenced me to break up with him and act that way. I love him so much, Luke. There is no way that I would've done that on my own."

Luke: "Why did they want you to get rid of him?"

Eva: "They'd just broken up with their boyfriends. 'I'm single now. Let's party.' They wanted me to be like that too. When he actually died, they said, oh s---, because they knew that they played a part in that. They were trying to tell me what to do. I don't want anyone telling me what to do. Listening to you and to you and to you didn't help. If anything, it helped him kill himself. It drove him to the point where he knew I wasn't going to be back because I had all of a sudden become this strong person who didn't care. It sucked because I did.

"When they told me I should do this thing and that thing [following Dan's death], I just completely took off and drove aimlessly for a good day. I was sleeping in my car.

"I found my way somehow to PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) and drove from Santa Monica past Santa Barbara and all the way back down to [town in Orange County]. I was just looking at the ocean and at the sky. It brought me to peace. It was hard, hard, hard.

"Finally, I decided to get a nice suite at a hotel by the beach. Finally, I took a shower and relaxed and went to bed in a nice bed. The next morning when I woke up the only thing I remember is answering the phone for the wake-up call. The next thing I remember was waking up at 6pm at my parents' house. That's when I had my blackout. My mind shut down. That was my low point.

"I always heard about s--- like this happening to people or watching it on the news or reading about it in the paper, but I never thought that any of this s--- would ever happen to me. What's happened to me in the last three years has been really hard. I've been continually, unexpectedly, not because of my own choices, had everything raped of me. I've lost everything three times in the last year. I've been held up in my own home. I've been robbed before my eyes. I had a f---ed up relationship with my ex-boyfriend [Eva's boyfriend of four years, before Dan]. He would butt-rape me to punish me.

"He got really involved with drugs. He cheated on me with at least 50 different people. I was completely faithful to him. Whenever he thought I had cheated on him, he would take me in my room or wherever I was, in a dark corner, and he felt empowered when he raped me. I think he was a rape victim when he was younger. That was his way of being the boss and punishing me. He wouldn't rape my pussy. He'd rape my ass. It was just f---ed up like that.

"My mom was a paranoid schizophrenic. She was a psycho-girl who thought that everybody else was f---ed up but her. She was too superior to even think about going to the doctor.

"I thought Dan was my reward for everything. And he was. I just wish he could still be here. I don't know why he's taken away from me now."

Luke: "How did you come to get into porn in the first place?"

Eva: "I always wanted to do porn. It was only a matter of turning 18. I started making my own home videos when I was 13."

"With who?"

Eva: "With just random people. I carried my video camera in my car. I carried it with my backpack. I would take a guy that I knew to a restaurant bathroom or whatever, go in the bathroom stall and start blowing them, and they would tape it POV. It was great. I loved it.

"When I was 17, I met a guy who was a wanna be poser porn-star dude who was totally into making home videos. I had my collection."

Do you still have it?

"I got rid of a lot of it. I might still have one video. I got rid of a lot of it because I didn't want Dan to come across it and watch it and be even more [upset]. When I was younger, I was so scared that my parents would find the videos that I would tape over it. A 14-year old filming her sex isn't accepted."

What a cold cruel world we live in where a 14-year old girl can't even make pornographic movies of herself without fear of ridicule, let alone arrest.

"I always checked out the adult employment section of the OC Weekly. Three months after I turned 18, I saw one that I hadn't seen before: 'Do you want to shock and awe your parents? Call Calli Cox.'

"I'm like, yeah, I want to shock and awe my parents. I called the number. Calli is rad. She lets me know what company it is for. I sent in a picture of myself. They called me right afterwards.

"It was Porn Star Date. I went on a date with two porn stars -- Mr. Pete and Clark Kent. They were competing for me. At the end of the date, I would choose which one [Mr. Pete] I wanted to f---. Then they would videotape it.

"I was so into the scene, I was having a blast, that they asked me to come back to go to Miami with them for the Internext convention [August 2003] and party with them.

"I was working an 8-5 job at the time at a mortgage company. I was an assistant accountant. I'm the kind of girl who likes to be out there. I like to see daylight. I don't want to rot away in an office hoping that it is going to get me somewhere in life.

"When I got to be the person I was, and be the sexual being and have fun and party and then come home with this $3,000 check, that was nice."

She giggles. "After that, I quit my job. Shane's World got me for Diary of a Young Slut. I was only shooting with them for a good four months.

"Finally, I asked Calli, where do I go to start working with other companies? I was given a couple of numbers. Then I reached another low point in my life. My roommates [from her previous accounting job] were so upset with me that I was making all this money. When I quit, they had to clean up all my dirty work. They were really stressed out and it got to the point where they were really hating me. I was having fun and enjoying my summer and coming home with checks that they wouldn't make in a month. They just got so bitter and bent that they were threatening to kick my ass. They wanted me out of the apartment. It got to the point where I was driven out of the apartment.

"I had nothing again. Shane's World wasn't working. I couldn't rely on them anymore. I moved back in with my parents for a month. I found sexyjobs.com. I met Dan. I worked with him. Finally, the pictures he took of me, I put on sexyjobs.com and that's where I found my agent at the time, Thomas Hope with XTC Models.

"I've made 30-40 films and a bunch of Internet stuff."

Luke: "What did you do from May to November [2004]?"

Eva: "I worked at Macaroni Grill [in Valencia] and went back to school [in Valencia]. I tried to be a normal 19-year old. I met a lot of people my age who didn't know what I did. Then eventually someone saw me on TV. I remember I went to work and someone put "Eva Angelina" on a post-it on the podium. I was a hostess. I saw it and I must've s--- my pants."

She giggles. "I went pale. In a state of panic. I looked at all the people who were working there to see who would give me the eye contact to signal they knew. No one did at first. I started hyperventilating. My body heat went up. Finally, someone gave me eye contact and they told me what had happened.

"My paychecks were $130-$220 every two weeks. Dude, this can't even pay for my car payment. What am I going to do? That's when Dan started supporting me. He'd send me checks for a grand, two grand, every month. We lived together. He was on the road for four months.

"He had gotten into a car accident before he went on tour. That cost five grand to fix. The girl didn't have car insurance. Then I wanted boobs. I wanted implants. He bought those [done September 10 for $5,200, Dan sent her a check for $7,000 that day]. That was supposed to be money that he spent on bills. He still gave it to me when I knew he shouldn't have. I shouldn't have pressured him into it. It got to the point where he was starting to get broke. Because he was an independent contractor, he feared he wouldn't have work. He started getting stressed out.

"That's when I decided that working at Macaroni Grill was wasting my time. I need to do what will make me money. He even knew that I needed to do porn. He said, yeah, maybe you can help me pay some bills. I said, yeah. We're a team now. I'll help you pay some bills.

"One reason that I got a job at Macaroni Grill was that I didn't know anybody in Valencia [where she lived with Dan]. I became lonely being in this big house all by myself. I spent money too easily because that was my comfort. I weeded the garden and I mowed the lawn. I was this all-American housewife. I was learning how to cook. There wasn't one person that I saw on a regular basis. Then he bought me a dog. Eventually, I said, dude, I need to get a job to just talk to people."

Who have you worked for in the past three weeks?

"Digital Playground. Metro. Smash. Cal Exotics photo shoot. I did a blowjob for Zero Tolerance. I've had an interview with AVN. They went down to one of my shoots."

What is it like shooting again?

"It's a whole new vibe. It's therapeutic for me. It's something I really love doing. I feel like there's purpose in it. I'm meeting cool people and working with good companies. I'm trying to put 110% of my energy into doing a good job. I want to do well. Knowing that there is nothing now to hold me back. I don't have a boyfriend now. It's just fun for me now. There's no holding me back."

We talk about her breast job.

"Dan sent me a $7,000 check. It's ironic how it turned out. I got boobs out of it. I have a whole new look now. It's like a fresh new start."

Why do you love porn so much?

"I feel like I can express myself. I want to be the personality in porn. I want to be someone that can represent porn. I really wouldn't mind, honestly, to be the next Jenna or have people recognize me. I love fans. I love to be recognized. I love conventions. It's not working a normal life. It's not like that. I'm totally into not being like everybody else. All my life I was always the person who went out of their way to have their own identity. Everyone that I went to school with in middle school and high school, when they found out I was doing porn, they were not surprised.

"There was a time, a good nine months before I started doing porn, that I was having sex with everybody. I was the queen of the one night stands. I had sex with about 50 different guys in nine months. I was blowing people everywhere. I was the most outrageous slut whore. I didn't care who was watching. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted to get some."

What was your relationship like with your father growing up?

"I was always a daddy's girl. We were always on the same page. We were each other's escape from our family. Whenever we were having problems with my mother or my sister, we would go out to dinner. We were a team. We were partners. We are still each other's best friend.

"Our family has been split in half. I haven't spoken to my sister in four years [when Eva's parents divorced] along with my mom. I don't know where either one of them are, nor do I care to find out.

"I need at least one man in my life and that's my dad. I don't know what I would do if my dad died."

What does your dad think of your porn career?

"I have a dildo contract. I get checks sent to his house. He put the name of the company and what it could be for and put two and two together. He's not an idiot. I started watching porn by watching his porn.

"He said to me, I don't want to go on some porn web site and see you there. 'So don't go on any porn web sites, buddy.'

"He said, just don't do anything that your kids won't be proud of. I said, I'm going to make sure that my kids are proud of me.

"He knows I work all the time. I call him to Mapquest where I'm going to be going that day. He knows how much money I'm making.

"He's a sexual being himself. We've always been open about that kind of stuff."

What kind of crowd did you hang out with high school?

"I hung out with everybody. Everyone knew me. I didn't want to be put in one category. Everybody liked me."

Thanks for talking to me.

"I loved the opportunity to give you my story."

Eva Angelina posts to Nietzche on ADT: "i understand that we are living in a world where people like to play sick games. you always do have to question who you really are writing to on the internet. what you had written wasn't to me, it was written for the person posing to be me. when i saw that people where questioning my thoughts on what i am going through i knew that i needed to clear up what is real and what is false. i forgive you. with no hard feelings. thanks a lot for all your support."

Eva Angelina Interview

Yes, that was Eva Angelina posting her dramatic story on ADT.

Eva calls me (caller ID gives her real name and phone number) at 10:48am Friday, November 26. "I got your email about how you wanted me confirm my identity. I thought I definitely needed to give you a call."

She laughs. "I'm reading what they write on Adult DVD Talk. Dude. I know it's out there but it's f---ed up. The s--- I've been going through the past three weeks has been blowing so hard. Then to hear that one moment they are all remorseful and the next moment, whoa, dadeeda."

Luke: "It is so hard to get your mind around such a tragic story."

Eva: "Oh yeah. My world has changed so much. Everything I had, I shared with him [her late 35yo boyfriend, Dan the Rigger aka Dan Beard, his real name]. Once he passed away [he killed himself through carbon monoxide poisoning Sunday, November 7, 2004], his parents moved in and took over everything. I don't even have a house anymore. I can't even get into the house I was staying at for the last year. My house is in chains right now. I'm staying with a friend, but I'm homeless. I don't have a bed to sleep in.

"I feel like I don't have any choice but to do what I want to do and what he wanted me to do. Doing porn has definitely been a necessity and has been a good way of helping me get my feet back on the ground. It's just a crazy time in my life."

She gives a disbelieving laugh.

Luke: "You broke up with him a month ago?"

Eva: "We were going through some hardcore problems. He was an alcoholic. He started drinking when he started watching my videos eight months ago. It got really really bad. A month ago, we were on-and-off. We broke up the day before he killed himself.

"The day I broke up with him was the day I came back from my first scene [in six months]. The next day he had killed himself. I found out the next day after that. The homocide detectives called me. I thought, oh dear, I hope he didn't kill somebody. That's when they told me, yeah, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but he committed suicide.

"After that, I swear, I screamed bloody mary. I never thought he was capable of doing anything like that. He was so prideful and graceful. It was a shock to anybody who knew him."

Luke: "Did he threaten it?"

Eva: "No. Never. I would never have left his house if I knew that was a consideration. We had broken up like this before. We had had fights like this before. He had called his mom after I had left the house, the day before he died, and said, 'Yeah, it's seriously over. I don't know what to do. She's not coming back anymore.'

"His mom called his father and told him to fly in from Virginia. His father was on a plane and he didn't know his father was coming to see him. He'd done the whole carbon monoxide thing in his garage. He wrote his whole suicide letter. According to the coroner, he passed away between 10-11am Sunday [November 7].

"His dad was at his house by 3pm. His dad was waiting outside the house until the next morning when finally he realized that this is not right. He tried to break in. That's when his father saw him in the garage dead. He had been dead a long time.

"His mom was on the phone with his dad when his dad found him. It was horrible."

Luke: "What did he say in his suicide note?"

Eva: "He said how I was his last hope for love and he screwed it up. And how he was fighting his inner demons and he thought that I could get him out of it all but it was too much to ask of anyone. How he was sorry that we had wasted all of our precious moments on him. How now he will be at peace and he will be in every shadow and I will feel him in the wind. And that was the best thing for him.

"It was so beautifully written that you could tell he had spent so much time on it and it came from so deep within his heart.

"When I first read it, the day after he died, I just screamed so hard. My whole body refused everything. For exactly a week, I went on this journey. I totally isolated myself from everybody and just drove. In four days, I drove over 2,000 miles. The Saturday after I found out, I had this nervous breakdown. There's an 18-hour period where I had driven around my parents' city and I ended up at my parents' house and had a full-on conversation with my stepmom and went and passed out for six hours.

"I woke up scared out of my mind because I did not know how I got there. I spoke to my stepmom afterwards. She said I looked like I had just crawled out of my grave. That was the lowest point. I realized I could not live like this.

"That's when I called my agent [ExoticStarModels.com] and said that I needed to get the ball rolling. Me just sitting here and just thinking about it is going to get me institutionalized.

"They knew my situation. They had met him too. They were just as surprised. Right now I'm looking for an apartment. I will probably get an apartment with Keri Sable within the next week. It's just been nuts. It's just been one bad things after another in my life. In the last ten years, I could probably have written two different novels about my life."

She laughs. "To have this happens now? I thought he was my reward for having to deal with everything I dealt with, now that's taken away from me. Now I have to go soul searching and figure some s--- out."

Luke: "What did he do for a living?"

Eva: "He was a rigger. He was in charge of hanging stuff out at rock concerts and stuff. Lights. He works for Ozzfest and KISS. He worked on Spiderman."

Luke: "Was he a drug addict?"

Eva: "He did his share of drugs ten years ago. He was this huge drug addict, this huge drinker. Lethal. Then, something happened and he got sober. Then he was sober for ten years. Then four months into our relationship, he started drinking again. There are a couple of times I know he must've done coke. I'm not stupid. I've been on that side of the fence. I know what to look for.

"When he started drinking, it was such a split personality he went through. When he'd drink, he'd verbally abuse me about doing porn and having sex with other people. Well, I met him doing porn."

Luke: "How did you meet him?"

Eva: "He was starting up his own porn company. It was right before I knew where to go. I met him on sexyjobs.com. He said he would take pictures of me and send me home with a CD of pictures and I would do a blowjob scene with him and he'd pay me $200. I said yeah, let's do it.

"So I went to his house and I fell in love with him and I never quite left."

Luke: "Did he start a porn company?"

Eva: "He started it and he was filming his own content, but once he met me, he stopped everything. He had no desire to pursue that. He only wanted to be with me. The pictures he took of me were the ones that blew into my career. My career got boosted up 110% after that. I was working every other day.

"I went through a lot of s---. He was there every step of the way. He was supportive. Whenever I got injured, he nursed me back to health. Somehow, curiosity killed the cat, and he watched one of my videos. And this happened to be one of the most aggressive videos I did [jizzbomb.com]."

Jizzbomb boasts: "They come in looking sweet and innocent & go home looking like tired old whores."

Eva: "The scene was shot for New Sensations with Benjamin Bratt. [Dan] told me that the stuff that Benjamin Bratt was doing to me was the stuff that he would find him and beat up him in the back alley for. He didn't want to see his baby doing that. He was into the more glamorous Vivid-type stuff."

Luke: "What did you do for jizzbomb?"

Eva: "It was really aggressive to the point where he was choking me. I don't know if he spat on my face. It was on that level. He called me crying. After that, I knew this was going to be hard. I went in and out of the business after that. He told me, just do what you need to do. Porn is too important in our lives. Just do it.

"In May 2004, enough was enough. I needed to help him. He went on tour a couple of weeks later for four months later. He went to Australia and Japan. Even then, he was still drinking. There were times when he wouldn't even call me for days because he didn't want me to hear him in this way.

"Finally, he got kicked off the Ozzfest tour a week-and-a-half early just because he was self-destructive. He was getting pushed over the edge. It was getting to be dangerous. They couldn't rely on him. It was such a huge responsibility. So they sent him home.

"It just got worse. It wasn't going to be pretty so I did the whole if-you-can't-fight-'em-join-'em-thing. I started drinking with him. I just tried to be smarter about it. If he saw he was starting to get mean and aggressive towards me during a party, I would just go home and go to bed.

"He was supporting me for six months [that she didn't work in porn]."

Luke: "Did he ever hit you?"

Eva: "No, he never hit me. He would corner me and be an inch away from my nose and provoke me to hit him. I did most of the hitting. The day before he died, I head-butted him and broke his nose. I wish my last vision of him wasn't blood oozing out of his nose and over his mouth. It's the most terrifying picture I have of him. I just wish our last day could've been so different."

Eva cries. "It was a hard hard way to end everything. And it makes me want to be a better person now and control myself when it comes to anger because I have a Cuban temper. Unfortunately, I'm known in my family and amongst my friends as the person who gets in fights with guys. Whether it's at a party or its my dad or its a boyfriend. I won't fight girls. I've been arrested several times.

"Treating him the way I did, just knowing that he loved me so much still, sucks.

"I'm Cuban, Chinese, Irish and English. It's a weird combination. My mom was bad like that too. She had such an aggressive attitude. She would cuss at you in Spanish. I was so glad I didn't know what she was saying. I got that from her.

"Then I found a collection of my porn, of me, stashed in the house. He had every single one of my videos."

Luke: "He only asked you not to do it when he was drunk?"

Eva: "Yeah. When he was sober, he was hurt. You could see it. He was so hurt. He just wanted me to be only his and vice versa. He felt like he was sharing me with people who didn't even respect me at all. It was any guy's worst nightmare. Porno is not just a job. It's a lifestyle. I would come home and I would still be in my porn mode. He would be like, ok, you're home. You're not Eva anymore. You're [her real name].

"After I had a rough day, he would greet me at the door, dinner would be laid on the table already, and he'd massage my feet. He was the wife in the relationship. For a time, I saw our relationship as the all-American husband and wife family. We even tried having kids for a good nine months but he couldn't get me pregnant. That was also hard for him to handle."

Luke: "You write that he wanted you to succeed in porn?"

Eva: "When it came down to it, I told him, you can't support me anymore. I need to do this. I will even help you pay the mortgage payments. At first, I was doing just girl-girl stuff. He met with Exotic Star Models. When I first interviewed with them, he went with me. He made sure that I was in good hands. I was only going to do boy-girl stuff with him.

"After the day that we met with Exotic Star, I told him, for me to do my full potential and be successful in this industry, I'm going to have to do boy-girl scenes with other guys. He said, ok, if that's what you need to do. I want you to do well too. Let's do it.

"He spoke to September [at Exotic Star] several times about my career and how he just wants me to be in good hands. All he wanted was for me to be happy, even if it was at his own expense. He found a way to deal with it, whether it was having to drink, or working more. He dealt with it in some way."

Luke: "Was he drinking the day he died?"

Eva: "We have reason to believe it. I never got to see the body. I never got to be involved with his death. His parents wouldn't even let me go to his funeral."

Luke: "What has your relationship been like with his parents?"

Eva: "We had a great relationship. I spoke to his mom probably every day. We were a team. I was supposed to be in Virginia with them now having a full-on reunion thing. Dan told his mom several times to accept the age difference in me [19yo] for who I was or he would choose me than her. And he did.

"There was a time when his mom was conspiring to take him to rehab. She did it in the wrong way. He found out about it. He said, if you keep on calling me, I'm going to put a restraining order on you. He was threatened by her and made it obvious that he would choose me over her.

"When he died, she probably felt that I was the main reason. The letter was written mostly to me. She resented that. She's been really mean about the whole situation."

Luke: "How do his parents feel about you being a porn star?"

Eva: "They don't know. My parents only found out about a week ago. They were like, whatever. I don't even want to believe it.

"I'm sure that when they cleaned out his house, they must've seen pictures of me. He loved taking pictures of me. Clothed and fully naked. We were definitely sexual beings. We had home videos everywhere. We had porn everywhere. We had dildos and buttplugs in our kitchen. He was just like that. I know they know what we were up to. It was obvious that he shot it. You could find his videos lying around."

Luke: "Did he ever sell and distribute his videos?"

Eva: "He was trying to do something with Nectar. He had created a series called Knob Gobbler. He shot a lot of people. He never got to put it out there. He was more into the erotic-artsy stuff rather than the hardcore gonzo. He was great with editing. But a lot of people told him -- that's not the market now.

"He did everything POV. He was a really hung guy. He was the biggest white dude that I've ever been with. He was a good ten inches and as thick as my forearm. That's why it was hard for me to work and also be able to please him at home. I was personally burnt out after a couple of weeks because we would f--- like four times a day. Then I'd go to work and have to f--- for an hour.

"Then I got injured. I worked with Mr. Biggs. He tore me up [vaginally] and I bled all over the place and I was never the same after that for a good six months.

"We stopped the scene to clean up. I felt like finishing the scene because we were halfway through it. I'm not into walking out. I don't like leaving unfinished business. After that scene, my pussy got so swollen that I couldn't even stick my finger in my pussy. He nursed me back to health.

"I was able to only work. I couldn't make love to him if I knew I had to work the next day. There was no way."

Luke: "How did Mr. Big injure you?"

Eva: "He used this lube that was thick and after a couple of thrusts, my pussy wouldn't stretch anymore and it literally just tore.

"That was the one-and-only time I had ever double-booked myself. My pussy was so swollen, it was unbelievable. And the next day, I was obligated to work for Cherry Boxxx. And that f---ed me up even more. Working three scenes after having been so injured f----- me up. For a good six months, I wasn't normal. My pussy wasn't normal until a couple of months ago. It just sucks. I hate it. I am beyond sexual. I like to have sex anywhere and everywhere all the time. To mentally be so horny and then have to associate actual sex with pain was a bummer. I just blew a lot. I blew him all the time."

Luke: "Did you see a doctor about your injury?"

Eva: "Yeah. He said I just had to take care of myself.

"I ended up getting a bacterial infection. I was still working a lot. Fortunately it was this time last year. The industry was slowing down. Once it came to Christmas time, I had a good two weeks to calm down. But I never quite healed up until I took that six months off. He was on tour for four months. I didn't have sex for two months. I still had lots of phone sex and had my way with my dildos and stuff. It's different when it's a real dick."

Luke: "Did you guys go together to industry functions?"

Eva: "Yeah. We went to a couple of porn parties, such as the LA Direct Christmas party. We had Thanksgiving with Arianna Jollee. Tiva (formerly of LA Direct Models) was his roommate for a long time. He didn't want to be at the Vegas show with me because he knew I was going to be blunt about working with other people and he couldn't handle it. When we were there as an item going to little parties, it was different.

"For the most part, during the holidays, he was the only person I wanted to be with. I was never into having sex with any of the porn dudes off camera."

Luke: "Would you bring other girls home to share with him?"

Eva: "No. It was something we wanted to do but it never happened. We spoke about it a lot. We were even going to hire a girl. We were going to create a shoot so we could have fun. Normal girls are all talk. For a long time, I was only hanging out with normal people because I didn't want to be totally consumed with the whole porn world.

"I've been accused of raping girls. Dude, that is lame. You call that rape? You have no idea."

She laughs. "A girl from my high school, one of my good friends, back-stabbed me and said that. Dude, you can't rape the willing. I didn't even eat her pussy. How could I rape her?

Jack writes: "I just read Luke is Back. The hard to believe interview with Eva. Her boyfriend drinks when he starts to watch her videos. Hmmm. Is this your fate?"

Nietzsche posts to ADT:

Eva Angelina: I humbly ask for your forgiveness for anything hurtful that I many have posted on this board in a moment stupidity. I'm sorry I didn't think about what I said before I said and hope that even if you don't forgive me, that you have a long and glorious career just like you boyfriend would have liked.

Tim Case replies to my questions:

Rigger Dan Beard...was a good friend of mine and Felicia's, someone we spent time with both at home in LA and on the road when he was touring with Ozzfest. We introduced him to friends, laughed with him, hung out on the tour bus with him, shared food and drinks and a lot of laughs with him.

He was one of the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet, and I hate to think he might've killed himself over a broken relationship with a 19 year old.

I met him last spring...I assume that's before he was with her, though I don't know for certain when they met.

He was always pleasant and happy, a hardworking guy who everyone enjoyed spending time with. Always happy to be alive, happy to be clean and sober, and happy to see old friends.

No, this is not something that any of his friends expected, I wouldn't think. All his friends in adult entertainment, as well as his friends in rock and roll, are shocked and upset by what happened.

Here's an online memorial for Daniel Donaldson "Rigger Dan" Beard:

Stood Up By Mary Carey

I'm supposed to be having lunch Friday at the Ivy with former CA gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey (along with her girlfriend Hannah Harper) but she's stood me up. Most important of all, she was going to pay.

This world can be a cruel place for sensitive souls such as myself who are always opening their hearts to others but receiving cold rejection in reply.

Trevor writes: "You should talk about it with her. Apologize. And vow not to do it again. And then, don't do it again. Women take trust very seriously. Men think it's something to be played with."

Jane writes: "Isn't Thanksgiving and Xmas a popular time to propose in general? A classmate's bro is proposing to his gf, and in the newspaper, i saw a pic of a couple embracing after a proposal."

Chaim Amalek writes:

Years ago I counseled Luke to find himself EXACTLY this sort of woman, and he has. But he may not be brave enough to see what he has found. Yeah, she hails from porn, but so too does Luke. She was not born a Jew, but then neither was Luke.

Luke, are your fancy religiously Jewish friends offering to fix you up with a more suitable (i.e. as men understand this term) mate? No? I didn't think so. She is young, hot, hot for you, and appears to have good genes.

When did you last have sex with her? Did you do anything odd, like play your Lassie tape or ask her to dress in a monkey suit while engaged in the act of carnal love with her? How about a weekend getaway with her? You could take her to Vegas and hang out at some perfectly good hotel for about $50/night (that's what I do when I go there, which I shall in the next few weeks when rates are low). Maybe you could take her to a sophisticated movie, something that flatters her intelligence. I suggest "End of the Century", a documentary about the Ramones. Even if you never were into them (and I was not), this is a very very good flick. Neverland is a great date movie as well, and has nothing to do with Michael Jackson, and might help make your case to her, if that's what you want to do.

Face it, dude. You are 38. Never married. Not rich. You are not going to get yourself a chaste young woman to fall in love with you. There are lots of women out there who have screwed more men in their personal lives than this girl has had sex with on screen. If interacting with those men bothers you so, maybe you need to find another line of work.

Khunrum writes:

Luke, are you serious enough about this shiksette to take her to Thanksgiving dinner at Cathy's? Will you proudly walk down the avenue with her on your arm? Treat her with respect? Or do you simply diddle her in your Hovel and send her home? A true Jewish gentlman would take her out and about with him on his daily rounds. Are you as serious about her as Amalek suggests? Come now Luke, share your intentions with us.

Shame on you Luke...She's not a "normal" girl simply because she made a mistake and took pictures...? She has no feelings when you treat her badly? What kind of religious hypocrite are you? You could have never have hung with the greatest Jew of all time. The one and only JC. He was kind to all.

Fred writes:

Regarding Mary Carey, Luke, do you find her to be an adequate companion intellectually? How is she lacking (if at all)? Are you ashamed to be seen with her in front of your other friends?

I almost never get involved in these discussions, except to make wisecracks, but I find myself compelled to agree with the rest of the advisory committee. She will make you happy. Life is short. You're not getting any younger. Go for it.

On the other hand, if you don't, let me know. I'll try to learn how to fake an Aussie accent, mate, and then you can introduce her to me.

She was poor but she was honest
Victim of a rich man's game
First he loved her, then he left her,
And she lost her maiden name

See her on the bridge at midnight
Saying : "farewell blighted love."
Then a scream, a splash and goodness
What is she a-doing of

It's a shame the whole world over
It's the poor wot gets the blame
It's the rich wot gets the gravy
Ain't it all a bleedin shame?
annonymous WWI

A Chat With Mike South

MikeSouth: hey I just got accussed of having kissed avns ass to get the lead story today MikeSouth: damned if i do
MikeSouth: damned if i dont
MikeSouth: hey do you think I should be in the hall of fame?
DukeFloored not yet
MikeSouth: well thats fair I suppose and apparently avn agrees w/ya
MikeSouth: im not even sure why i care but something inside me says ya I wanna be in it
DukeFloored that's natural
MikeSouth: im guessing if i died I'd get in if for no other reason than connelly would be so pleased to be rid of me
DukeFloored we all want recognition for our hard work
MikeSouth: I hardly work hard at this. I guess I do but to me it isnt work MikeSouth: work is doing s--- I hate, which I do some of but not nearly as much as I did before porn.