02/10/27
I walk upstairs and into the kitchen. Joel Lawrence,
wearing a white sweater, sits at a table reading today's Los Angeles
Times. He looks like a college professor and has played one many times
in a porn movie. Aria, a tight-bodied spunky brunette, waltzes in and
grabs a Krispy Kreme donut. Feeling guilty, she says it is her first
donut in three years.
Aria reads the script. "Oh, I have cancer."
Shay: "Don't worry. I heal you."
Aria: "Yeah, by f---ing me?"
Aria: "I was doing my fifth scene ever. This new
girl has only done anal once. She liked anal beads. We're fooling around.
It's sexy and hot. We swap into a 69 scene. I'm on the bottom. I'm pinned
underneath her. We put in the anal beads and she sh--- in my open mouth.
We try not to say anything so we don't embarrass her. She turns around
and freaks."
Aria (formerly Marie Silver), of www.ariaxxx.com,
says: "I had sex with my husband in this club called Spa in New York
about a year ago. They had a party there. People were getting naked.
They had this big box called the freak box, which looked like a big
standup tanning booth. There was a huge wide-lens camera that filmed
everything that went on inside the box. At midnight they let the public
in. My husband and I went in. They said we could do anything. So we
went in. I went down on him. He went down on me. We did three positions
and he popped on my face. I blow bubbles for the camera. People are
banging on the walls cheering. There are 3000 people there. It was reported
in the New York Post."
02/10/28
Aria performs an enthusiastic scene with Randy
in the bathtub. She squeals loudly. She says her cries are real. She
says she has genuine orgasms on camera.
A crew member says to Aria: "Hasn't anyone told you that only men come
in these movies?"
Aria, from Portugese descent, eats about six meals a day. She munches
on tuna and crackers after her scene. "I crave salt and sugar when I'm
pre and post-menstrual," she says. "And before and after sex.
"Normally I have five egg-whites with salsa and steak in the morning,
a cup of oatmeal, fruit and a glass of milk. Then I work out for an
hour. After that, I'm famished. So I have a protein shake. I'm a Baja
Fresh junkie. I get their Fajita platters. I don't eat the fajitas.
I eat the steak and beans. I eat carbohydrates after 5PM."
Aria says she's never received a bad check from a porner. She only does
features now. "If they're going to put up enough money to do a feature,
they're going to have enough money to back up their checks. I only go
to one shoot a day. I love being on set all day, seeing everybody. Usually
features are of a better quality. Sometimes with a gonzo, you have someone
who doesn't know how to shoot you. We all have our bad angles. Ask the
reviewers. You shouldn't ever read adult reviews, because the guys are
all evil."
Aria then retracts and gives a long explanation about a reviewer who
repeatedly rips her. She says she respects different tastes. She doesn't
take it personally. She takes it as a learning experience. "I'm an exhibitionist."
Aria has been working and earning money since the
age of seven. She kept seeing things as a child that she wanted. Her
parents told her - they cost money, you have to earn it yourself.
Aria will appear on another edition of VH1's Porn to Rock November 19th.
She starred with Stephanie Swift in the Wicked movie Making It. "We
performed five original songs. The one I did was Joan Jett style - not
the best for me. He wrote the song for me. Then when I got there to
record it, he'd rewritten the song. I had an hour to learn it all over."
Feb
14, 2003
I chat with Aria's husband Jack Spade. He did a few scenes under the
name Jack Bravo. Then at the East Coast Video Show, he saw Lexington
Steele fool around with Nina Hartley. And when Lex unfurled his tool,
Jack decided to retire.
Luke: "How do you like your wife being a porn star?"
Jack: "I watched a show today on Playboy and they asked the same question
to a friend of ours. I could tell it was an awkward question for him.
And I thought to myself, if anyone ever asked me that, what would I
say? And honestly, I don't ever think about my wife being a porn star.
I don't think anyone in a real relationship does."
Aria hangs over her husband and keeps reminding him to watch what he
says.
Jack: "We were married about a year before she started doing films."
Luke: "How do you like the business?"
Jack: "I like it. You have to be really careful
not to get caught up in it and lose your perspective and priorities."
Luke: "Does it bother you that almost no relationship lasts in the industry?"
Jack: "We've met a lot of couples in the business and without a doubt
there's a lot of fighting. It's very hard to have a relationship in
this business. We have a strong commitment.
"We were married about a year and she started revealing to me all these
little fantasies. She used to be a little playtoy for a couple. I said,
wow, you're kinda freaky. We went to visit them. It was the first time
I saw her with another woman. She did amateur [stripping] contests that
same weekend. Then she started to dance. It's not enough so you go to
the next level."
Aria,
munching cucumbers, warns Stormy to be careful of what she says to me.
Aria: "We should have Luke come to your birthday party."
Stormy: "I know nothing about the birthday party."
Luke: "When is it?"
Aria: "None of your business."
Stormy: "St. Patrick's Day."
Luke: "How old will you be?"
Stormy: "24."
Jessica Drake and Aria are on the birthday committee.
Luke: "Would you like me to jump out of a cake?"
Aria: "Naked?"
Luke: "No."
Aria: "We're holding auditions for a male stripper."
Stormy says she gets crazy when the seven of them hang out (Aria, Stormy,
Jessica, Monique Alexander, Dolorian, etc).
Luke: "Do you get intoxicated?"
Aria: "We bring a limo. We don't drive. Of course if we're in a limo
we're going to be intoxicated."
Luke: "Do you like to drink in the mornings before you go to work on
set?"
Aria: "No, I do not. Nobody drinks before movies. Nobody does drugs.
Nobody even smokes weed in this business because we're all pure and
sweet and innocent except we like to spread out legs..."
Aria Interview
2003-08-26 21:16:42
From www.topprotalent.com:
--Sun Y. Chen
(LOS ANGELES, CA) -- I spent time speaking with Aria of AriaXXX.com.
She's so sweet, fun and sexy, I'm sure she's going to be one of the
adult Hall of Famers in years to come.
Sun: We all know you from your recent karaoke Tuesdays at Sardo's. Of
course both you and Wankus have talked about how it all started, how
you guys were basically just singing on his show the last time you were
on and decided to make it a night out, right?
AriaXXX: Yeah, it's so funny because it started out as just this idea
to get together because I thought Wankus had a great voice and that
it would be cool to do karaoke. And now it's this huge industry event.
*laughs* That's so crazy.
Sun: I'm thinking that karaoke isn't really a new thing for you, is
it?
AriaXXX: No, actually, I've been going for years! I've been going since
I was 15.
Sun: 15? You were at bars at that tender age?
AriaXXX: Yeah, it was great, I'd go with some people into karaoke bars
and I didn't get carded or anything. Then we'd drink and sing all night
long. There were a LOT of karaoke places on Rhode Island, but not so
many in Florida. I love it in Los Angeles because there are plenty of
places to sing at.
Sun: What do you normally like to sing?
AriaXXX: Actually I love to sing country but I think it scares people,
especially in LA so I pretty much sing everything.
Sun: I know plenty of people have seen you in Wicked's Makin It. Have
you done anything else that kind of mixed singing and porn?
AriaXXX: Yeah I was in VH1's Porn to Rock. And this really isn't adult
industry related, but I also did some demo songs for Faith Hill.
Sun: You seem to be branching out a lot these days, aren't you also
doing fitness competitions? That's not any of that gross She-Man stuff
is it?
AriaXXX: No no! When I compete it's in the "figure" competitions. What
that means is basically it's all the pretty girls that work out and
have muscles. We're all still VERY feminine but we're very toned. Kim
Chambers also competes in figure competitions and she's very feminine
and pretty too.
Sun: So is it really hard to do the competitions? What's it like?
AriaXXX: Well, I only started to train 3 months before my first show.
It was somewhere between late February and early March. The show was
in May and I placed 4th, and I'm going to do another show in November.
As far as it being hard, well, it's just a lot of self discipline. I
have to eat small meals all though the day, and I have to weight train
every day and do cardio twice a day.
Sun: A lot of people don't know this, but in your days as Marie Silva,
you wrestled a lot. What was that all about?
AriaXXX: Oh, well, I basically wrestled with a lot of girls and a few
guys for grapplinggirls.com and greeneyes.com. Basically, we wrestled
and then they taped it and either featured it on their sites or sometime
sold them as videos.
Sun: So basically that was way back in the day or have you done anything
recently?
AriaXXX: Well, I did do some stuff fairly recently with California Wildcats.
I also did some work last year for Extreme Wrestling with Keri Windsor,
Taylor St. Claire, and Angelica Sin.
Sun: Would you say that your current fitness competing is kind of an
offshoot from the wrestling?
AriaXXX: No, not really. I mean, I've always been very physically active,
but they're different.
Sun: Kind of makes you think that you and your husband, Jack Spade,
must have an aggressively physical relationship then.
AriaXXX: Not at all! We do have a pretty interesting physical relationship
though.
Sun: Do tell.
AriaXXX: Well, we're both talent, and we're swingers.
Sun: Well, that just means that you have sex with other people
professionally and privately.
AriaXXX: Basically.
Sun: How does something like that start though? I mean, you didn't
meet while you were both talent.
AriaXXX: No, we met back in Florida several years ago. We were friends
for a year and a half and then we got engaged right away. We were engaged
for like 6 months and then we got married. After we got married I mentioned
to him that I had messed around with this older couple when I was 18.
It was funny. He was like, "And WHY did you not mention this
to me sooner??"
Sun: What happened after that little revelation?
AriaXXX: We went to visit that couple and we hung out and played pool.
I got some girl/girl action and they just watched. And took pictures.
Sun: Speaking of which.....seems like we have those pictures right here,
for all the readers of TPT! These pictures are never before seen, right?
AriaXXX: Right, they were the first naked or semi naked pictures I ever
took. Ohbmy god, I look so different.
Sun: How did the swinging thing move on from there?
AriaXXX: My first scene ever was for Seymour Butts and Jessie Jaymes.
Jessie and her husband are both swingers, so they kind of introduced
us to the whole scene.
Sun: And who's idea was it to start the swinging? His?
AriaXXX: No, it was a mutual decision. Like I said, I had kind of already
been into it with that one couple. They had introduced me to another
couple that I had sex with. It was weird, it was in the girl's parents
house, too. *laughs* I mean, we both were really sexual before we even
got into the business. I was into girls and bondage before the business
too.
Sun: So do you guys just have sex with other people together?
AriaXXX: Well, no. We do have sex with other people. You know, if one
of us is too busy, then the other one will just get a free pass. The
free passes go both ways. But we've moved on from the free pass stage.
It's pretty much completely open now.
Sun: Basically meaning sex for everyone then?
AriaXXX: Yeah, it's great. I mean, in a way it gives us time to focus
on other things sometimes. We don't have to wait for each other to release
tension.
Sun: But do you still have sex with each other?
AriaXXX: Oh yeah, of course. I just mean that if we need to talk about
things or do things we don't have to rush and have sex and then move
on to everything else.
Sun: Okay, so have you ever really thought about what you want to to
after porn?
AriaXXX: I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I still want to
pursue the fitness thing. I also would really love to direct and produce
my own lines. I don't have a whole lot of experience with filming and
cameras but I think it would be great to bring the intensity that I
like to have in my scenes into other people's scenes too. Besides, to
help out the talent, I can always jump in there and show them how it's
done....*laughs*
---
AriaXXX has been in over 300 adult films and has an incredible web site
at http://www.AriaXXX.com. You can also catch her most Tuesday nights
singing Karaoke at 9:00pm, Sardos in Burbank.
Aug.
26, 2003
Aria and Julian compare different diets. Julian has
just gone on the Zone and dropped ten pounds in as many days.
I sit outside in the shade and ready the novel Mohwawk by Richard Russo.
Aria, topless, shows me her new do-it-all cell phone.
Luke: "Put something on."
Aria: "Why? Does it make your dick hard?"
Luke: "I'm too professional to get an erection."
Aria: "You have wood problems or are you gay? There's Viagra."
DUC to Aria: "Do you have gonorrhea? Tell me about
your STDs"
Aria: "Somebody called me. Said he had chlamydia. We'd had sex. I got
tested. I was negative. And then I got a positive chlamydia test from
AIM. I hadn't worked with anyone in two weeks. I got an immediate retest.
It came back negative. The same thing with gonorrhea. At least they're
cautious. AIM says the lab sends it back as positive if it is within a
certain percentage... I took my medicine anyway."
DUC to Aria: "Are there guys in the industry you'd
do for free on camera?"
Aria: "There's lots of footage of me doing guys at times I shouldn't be
doing. There's an unpaid sex scene (during Phoenix Rising) of Julian and
me just saying hello. And another one.
"I had a two hour break from the set on Satsuma. I stopped by to say hello.
I was working nearby. Julian grabbed me and we had sex around the corner
on a broken chair."
Luke: "Tuck your robe in so you can be more modest."
Aria: "Would you like me to have sex with all my clothes on as well?"
Luke: "Yes. And underneath the sheets, so they can't see anything."
Then there was male talent Matt Bixell (Christian)
who was looking through AVN. He saw himself on the cover of a big homosexual
video.
Aria: "I was approach to work with him and I refused."
Luke: "Are you a homophobe?"
Aria: "No. I'm not going to work with someone who does gay porn."
Luke: "Why can't you be more open-minded?"
Aria has just finished her sex scene with Julian.
Luke: "What do you like to eat after a refreshing fornication?"
Aria: "A thick juicy rare steak but not I'm eating salad."
Luke: "I can't believe I walked in on you and you
had another man's peepee in you."
Aria: "Shocking."
She munches her salad. She weighs about 20 more pounds now than when I
met her. She's appeared in about 300 scenes.
Luke: "I was morally opposed."
Aria: "It took every fibre of your being to stop from screaming out in
horror. You ran from the room to save your soul. I appreciated that."
Luke: "I wanted to beat up Julian, throw you over my shoulder, and carry
you away."
Aria has yet to shower.
Luke: "If I gave you a hug right now, I'd be hugging Julian."
Aria: "No, you'd be hugging his sperm."
Luke: "Do you find that it helps guys to bond to double
penetrate you?"
Aria: "It helps them to get in touch with their gay side."
Luke: "Aria, you have heavy burdens on your soul. You are greatly weighed
down. You are torn and tormented. You have things that you want to tell
me. You need release. You need exorcism. You need to tell me about all
your sins..."
Aria: "So you can tell them to the rest of the world so that I am doubly
cleansed. Because the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem."
Luke: "No, I want to hear about other people's troubles."
Aria: "I could give you lots of stories."
Luke: "Just give me a tiny morsel to carry away to my readers."
Aria asks Charles, the art director who's upset that
people have drunk his prop waters: "Would a blowjob make you feel better?"
Charles: "What am I supposed to say to that?"
Aria: "Take him off to the bathroom, DUC."
Charles: "Please shave first. I don't want you scratching my scrotum."
Luke: "Have you ever been laid by a porn star?"
Charles: "No. This is my first porn set."
Luke: "What's it been like?"
Charles: "Not once during a sex scene have I felt even a tingle.
"It's been a longtime fantasy of mine to have anal sex. I've never had
a girlfriend who was willing to."
Aria: "It's not everything it's cracked up to be. It's basically a tight
hole with a big empty space behind it."
March 20, 2007
After spending a few hours on Ron Spallone 's set Tuesday, I drove a
mile up Ventura Blvd to Woodland Hills to get a long massage from Keri
(www.humblebodyworks@mac.com),
who used to go by the porn name Aria.
Then I interviewed her for 80 minutes. Here
's the audio.
Aria Interview Video
Prior to two weeks ago, I had not communicated with Aria for two years
though we were always friendly while she was in the industry.
As a child, Keri wanted to grow up to become married and a mother. "I
didn 't think about a job. "
She began dating at age 15. She lost her virginity shortly before turning
18. Then she began going to clubs regularly and drinking. She had a sexual
relationship with a couple.
A friend in Florida, Jack
Spade (Jeremy Doudna), sent her a plane ticket to come to Florida.
They married June 12, 1999. She was 22. They were church-going Christians.
Keri confessed her threesome to Jeremy (six years older) who got excited
about it and decided they should visit the couple.
On the trip, Keri won an amateur night at a strip club and earned $500.
The Doudnas were behind on their bills. Keri decided to strip most nights
of the week.
Then she did a porn film in Tampa in 2001 and another 300 or so over
the next four years.
Keri quit porn on April 1, 2005.
Luke: "What allowed you to do porn? "
Keri: "The ability to separate my emotions (and morals) from my actions
& It 's like you 're playing a character. It 's not you. It 's not
healthy but it 's the only way to do it. "
Luke: "The first time porn was raised to you as a possibility, what went
through your mind? "
Keri: "I thought I was going to throw up and then I was heart-broken
that the person I had vowed my life to and the person who told me he 'd
love me till I died would ask me to do such a thing. "
" There 's no other way. We can 't pay our bills. We 're going to lose
the house. ' I was a young newlywed. I knew better but I allowed him to
be the man of the house and make a decision. "
"After I started in the business, I couldn 't go to church. How can
you stand before God? "
"The fourth movie I shot was on Playboy in three months. I looked horrible.
Everybody back home found out from that one video. "
"I lost everything because of the business. My husband and I got divorced.
I had nothing &after five years in the industry. I wanted my life
back. I wanted my relationship with God back. I wanted to call my family
and not feel like I had to keep my conversations brief in case they asked
about work. I wanted to have a real relationship. "
Luke: "What did you do with that $250,000 a year you made in the industry?
"
Keri: "I paid for my ex-husband 's girlfriend 's abortion. Bail. Attorney
fees. Divorce. The computer. I have no idea. I 've got some cool clothes.
My ex-husband would say, 'You have to have the best computer. You have
to have the newest phone. You have to set an image. You have to dress
a certain way and act a certain way. You have to have nice cars. You have
to pay a trainer $1,500 a month. You have to have a personal assistant
at $4,000 a month to get your groceries. Let 's build a website. I don
't like it. Let 's build another one. So let 's pay this person $5,000
to build it and let 's pay this person to run it.
"It 's all gone and I still owe money to the IRS. "
Luke: "Some parents are so supportive of their daughter 's porn career
that they help manage it. What do you think of that? "
Keri: "It 's disgusting. It 's so bad. It 's sick. I don 't understand
that. How can you go on set and watch your daughter get screwed by some
stranger and say, 'That 's my girl. She just got a thousand dollars. Yay.
She 's going to go to college. '
"That tells us where our society is going. Next the dad jumps in. 'OK,
we 're going to do a little father-daughter action. "
"I think the parents need some psychological evaluation. "
Luke: "What 's it like having a spouse who 's working in porn? "
Keri: "I was the person who was working. He spent his time working on
my career. Some would call him a suitcase pimp. "
"I would get home from work, exhausted, and the first thing out of his
mouth was, 'We need $10,000 by Friday. ' We 've got a stack of bills due.
Why didn 't you call this person? Why don 't you want to have sex with
me? '
"What? How about a glass of wine? Rub my feet. Light some damn candles.
And kiss my ass.
"Women are emotional creatures. My emotions were removed all day at
work. When I got home, I wanted to detach myself from work and let my
emotional side get a break. And I 'd get home and I 'd have to stay in
character.
"My emotional needs were not getting looked at, which is why he ended
up getting a girlfriend [Becca
Brat]. "
Keri has been with Lee Stone, 39, for most of the past three years.
Keri: "In my current situation it 's difficult. When I was still performing,
I was dating him, but now I 'm out of the business and he 's not. He 's
trying to be out. It 's baby steps. I emotionally detached myself during
scenes and so does he but it 's not easy to deal with. "
Luke: "How much would you want to have sex with your husband when having
sex was your job? "
Keri: "Not much. The last time we had sex was on camera. It was a horrible
scene. "
Luke: "How should society deal with the sex industry? "
Keri: "They should make it more difficult. I feel bad saying, 'Shut down
the porn business! ' It 's me turning my back on people I 'm still friends
with. Morally, I think they should go after the porn industry with all
they 've got and try to shut it down. "
"Immorality is never going to go away but it is society 's job to try
to protect the people from it. We 're our own worst enemy. "
"Porn is very addictive. It doesn 't just go away. It 's unhealthy to
show it to anybody. "
"In my church, we have a sexual recovery group. Much of it is for guys
who struggle with internet porn & When it is that out there, when
you push it in someone 's face, it 's dangerous. It breaks up marriages.
It ruins relationships. It ruins men 's self-esteem. It makes them curious
and then they turn to transsexuals and animals and children. Once they
don 't get high any more, they have to push it further. "
Luke: "How would you feel if your daughter went to work for Max Hardcore?
"
Keri: "I 'd love to say that I 'd shoot Max Hardcore but truthfully I
probably would because I do like guns. "
Luke: "If your daughter was driving drunk, would you call the police?
"
Keri: "I totally would. "
Luke: "What percentage of porn stars do you think are happy? "
Keri: "None & I think that deep down inside, they feel an emptiness
& You can look back and read interviews that I did about how much
I loved sex and loved the business and I had so much fun and I was this
wild crazy creature. All I think about is sex. Whatever. It 's a crock.
"It 's not all I think about. I think about God and a good pure relationship
with a man and I think about my family and I think about having children
and how my life is going to effect my children. And when you think about
those things, you stop and think, wow, this business sucks. How would
I feel if my 14 year old daughter found out I was a porn star when I was
in my twenties? How is that going to effect her and effect her friends
and the way they look at her?
"It 's not a natural normal business and there 's no way to be happy
in that business. "
"I would play a character but a lot of it was how I am. I just put my
morality and emotions on the shelf.
"There were times I got emotionally attached, like with the guy I 'm
seeing now. We got emotionally attached while we were both working in
the business. So our scenes on camera were intense.
"During oral, I had orgasms a couple of times on camera but only with
the guy I 'm dating. He was the only one I 'd let myself go with. "
"I go to a casual laid-back church. I tell anyone who I feel needs to
know. I 'm open with people at church. This is my testimony. This is what
I used to do. So far, there ' s been nobody that 's had a problem. "
"I had just retired from the Adult industry and the greeter at the door
[at church] said, 'Are you and Lee [Stone] still doing that show on Spice
TV? You 're my favorite porn star. You and Lee have the best show on TV.
What happened? ' I 'm like, 'Can I have my bulletin? This is church. '
"He did it again a couple of weeks later. He asked me something that
appalled me. I asked the pastor to have him removed as a greeter. "
"My dad has people pray every Sunday [at his tiny conservative church]
for Aria. He doesn 't say who it is. Even though I 'm not Aria anymore.
He just prays for that whole part of my life. "
"I still struggle with purity. Because I 've had so much sex, it 's
hard for me to go cold turkey. "
Aria says the place for sex is within marriage.
"I never felt I was emotionally unhealthy. I just thought I was pretending
to be something that I wasn 't. I was spiritually unhealthy. "
"I was a freak. You said you wanted to post all the old stories on me
and I said that I 'd rather that you didn 't because it 's not who I am.
It 's not who I was. It was how I portrayed myself to be. I don 't want
to be remembered that way. "
"I think I did pretty good at what I did. I look back at interviews
and I don 't even know who that person was. A total nympho, going to parties.
There are pictures of me making out with girls on the dance floor, skirt
flipped up, tongue down people 's throats, running around with a strap-on
in a bar & "
"They 're trying to justify it in their own minds. They 're trying to
convince you that they 're doing it for a cause. That there 's a reason.
They don 't want to just say that they 're doing it for the money. Yeah,
it is totally wrong. It 's immoral. Yeah, I 'm a freak.
"They want to feel like they are doing something for somebody. That
there 's something good that 's going to come out of it but there 's not.
"
"I don 't believe people need sex educators. They 're just looking for
more gratification, for a release. Focus on something important. Sex is
not the most important thing in life. "
"When we [porn stars] get on TV, it 's for something dumb. I 've never
gotten on TV except for porn (and once for a fitness competition). "
"[Porn] is legal but it is not moral. "
Aria says there ' s no difference between porn and prostitution. "It
's the same sin. "
Luke: "Porn stars are prostitutes without shame. "
Aria: "Yeah. We justify it by saying we 're all tested and we 're all
family. It 's comfortable. You go on set and you know everyone. For a
year in the business, I only worked with my boyfriend. "
"We just make excuses because when you 're in the business, you don
't want to go, 'I 'm a high dollar whore except we shoot on video. ' Nobody
wants to feel that way. It makes them feel more important, more like a
star &as opposed to being a sex actor. "
"When I was in the business, I didn 't really talk to people about sex.
I have a lot of acquaintances but I have very few friends. I don 't have
time. "
Luke: Do your friends in the industry have trouble relating to you now
that you 're out of the industry?
Keri: "I don 't think so. They just don 't want me to judge them. One
guy tells me he 's going to do a porno and he 's going to play Jesus and
he 's going to have Mary Magdalene & I got so mad at him. Bastard.
I 'm sorry. I still have problem swearing. He knew he was pushing my buttons.
That makes me mad. I stormed into the house. He just thinks it 's funny.
"
Bob writes: "I wanted to let you know that I think the interview with
Aria is just an amazing piece of work. I 've been watching the clips,
as opposed to reading the writeup, and it feels as if she really wanted
to talk honestly about her life in porn, and her life out of porn. She
comes across as such a decent and intelligent woman; I think any 18-year-old
deciding whether to enter porn ought to be forced to watch this and think
twice. "
Devinn
Lane writes on ADT:
Wow! I've always
loved Aria and that will not change even though her opinions may seem
a little extreme to me. I've noticed that when girls have a bad experience
in this business they often swing to the other side of the spectrum.
The last time I shot her
was on Road Trixx 2 and her ex-husband, his girlfriend, and Lee Stone
were all present. Little did I know about the drama. Lee and Aria were
great and Aria really went out of her way to accommodate and the ex and
the girlfriend. The girlfriend was a fucking nightmare on set! I won't
even bother going into the large list of details regarding that girl.
Anyway, it seemed like Aria was really in over her head with trying to
"caretake" for everyone involved. It's easy to do and often you don't
realize the effect it's having on your life until it's too late.
Now here's my suggestion
to Aria and any other person out there that is a perpetual "caretaker":
1. Know that at any given time you have the option to say NO 2. Screw
the Jesus crap. That world is more full of BS than porno. 3. Try an Al-Anon
meeting or two. You'll be amazed to find out that your life is the way
it is because you are addicted to taking care of other people and forget
to take care of yourself first. Aria,
I adore you. If you need anything give me a shout.
HERE'S
ANOTHER THREAD ON ADT. XPT
Aria reponds:
Wow. I never
realized so many people would actually read the interview. However, thank
you for even bothering to post about it. I realize it seems that I was
bashing the Porn industry and blaming it for my problems, but that is
far from true. I am the first to admit that I made the decision to do
porn and I alone am responsible for the outcome. If you actually listen
to the entire interview (which is extremely long) as opposed to just rteading
the written interview I think I made that point quite clear. Mike says
that I was such a "genuine whore" on camera, and he was absolutely right!
I don't deny that I enjoyed doing what I did. However, in order to be
that genuine whore, I had to put my emotions and my morals somewhere else.
And while I was genuinely that person during that time, it wasn't who
I really wanted to be. I have been a Christain since I was 3 years old.
That doesn't mean I am not capable of sin, it just means I chose to give
my life to Christ and that I am a lot more convicted when I do sin. It
is not a title that I took on after leaving the industry so I could talk
down to others and tell them what horrible sinners they are. When I was
in the industry, I did not have a relationship with God. It doesn't mean
that I wasn't still a Christian, but I was not living my life the way
I believed that I should, therefore I turned my back on God along with
my family and my closest friends. And so truthfully, Aria is just Keri
without morals. It is genuinely me not taking into regard what I believe
is right or wrong. Without that, it was very easy to let the genuine whore
side shine through. The only reason I did the interview with luke is because
he asked me to. I don't push my beliefs on people and never will. However,
if I am asked, I will be honest and open completely disregarding how it
will affect other peoples view of me. And for the record, I am extremely
happy in life. I am not bitter towards the business or emotionally scarred
by my time in the business. I grew up a lot over those years, and it helped
shape me into the woman I am today. Even my fitness career florished due
to the fact that I was so confident and comfortable in front of crowds
and interacting with strangers. Everything is so much easier in life after
doing it naked! And my relationship with Lee, well thats between me and
Lee and me and God. Any guilt or condemnation that I deserve is not anyones
concern but my own. I am not trying to change or convert Lee, and the
reason I do not judge him or leave him is because I understand the business.
We were in it together, and just because I left it doesn't change who
either of us are. Yes, it is a double standard on my part, but again,
no ones business. It is between me and God, and affects no one but Lee
and I. I am not blameless and will always struggle with sin.... Anyways,
it was intersting to read everyones opinions and thanks for the feedback!
And Devinn, it is always a pleasure to hear from you!
Brian posts:
I
think it's incredibly hypocritical for anyone to criticize someone's
opinions on their former profession when they've never had any experience
with that profession. All you'll ever be is adult film fans. You'll
never be adult film actors. You don't know what Aria/Keri went through.
It's
like the sad, unathletic, overweight slobs who criticize professional
football players for not "sucking it up" and playing through the pain.
They'll only ever be professional football fans. They'll never be athletes.
So
you "hate" Aria/Keri for leaving the adult film industry and then, God
forbid, have something bad to say about it? Aria/Keri has observed that
the adult film industry can be very destructive to most of the people
in it. You see, she was actually IN the adult film industry. She knows
what goes on. She just doesn't jerk off to its products. Do you hate
her because she possibly is confirming what you've always suspected
but denied while you were masturbating? That the circumstances of adult
film production aren't very morally or ethically good? Does it bother
you because what she's saying may have some truth to it?
I
wish Aria/Keri all the best and I sincerely hope she finds peace within
herself and those she loves. The
only two people in this thread who know what Aria/Keri has gone through
are Katja Kean and Devinn Lane. I respect their opinions. The rest of
you are pathetic and judgmental.
Aug. 23, 2007
The ex-porn
star writes
on MySpace Aug. 23: "So my vacation home was amazing....I didn't
want to come back to California!!! My family is so incredible, and
so spiritually strong! It lifted my spirits to fellowship...I needed
to be reminded. I struggle so much with the things of this world.
Yes, God is my all. I am nothing apart from him, and I want nothing more
than to be an empty vessel for him to fill!! But I am so weak sometimes!!
Why can I not follow my hearts one desire and live a pure and holy life??
There is nothing I desire more."
Aria
blogs Sept. 10:
"I have no Greater Joy than to hear that my children walk
in Truth."
That is how my Dad ends every letter to his children. I was blessed
with the greatest parents who set the greatest example that any child
could ever ask for.
I remember the night I asked Jesus into my heart. I was less than 3
years old, and had a clear understanding of what it meant to be saved.
As I knelt there by my bed asking the Lord into my heart, my mother
passed my door. She thought I was playing when I was supposed to be
in bed sleeping and came into the room and rewarded me with a spanking.
When I told her what I was doing, she felt horrible! Her biggest concern
was "did I finish?"Of course. I think she was quite
proud when at the age 5, I prompted a furious call from a neighboring
mother because I had informed her young daughter that she was going
to hell. Much to the womans disappointment, my mother backed me up!!
Then, when I was 7 years old, I had a dream.
"I was sitting on the top bunk of my brothers bed studying with
my oldest brother Shawn. Suddenly, the window across from me transformed
into a door made of dark metal. As I stared in wonder, the door opened
and a demonic being entered the room. It resembled a woman, but seemed
neither male nor female, and was holding some sort of a blade resembling
a small sickle. My brother sat there oblivious to what was happening.
And then suddenly it pulled me from the bed by my hair, and it seemed
it was trying to scalp me. I cried out to Shawn for help, but he just
looked around the room confused. "Where are you Keri, I can't see
you!". And then I was dragged through the door and all was black.
It was as if we stood at the top of a winding stone staircase that
went up and down as far as the eye could see.and yet there was
no top or bottom, it just seemed to go in both directions forever. And
while I was aware of this, I was also aware that it was so dark that
I could see nothing. My eyes saw nothing, but I knew. Then suddenly
we were on what appeared to be a small landing made of black stone.The
sound of screams overwhelmed me with fear. As I looked around I saw
that it was a lake that surrounded us and it was on fire. The lake stretched
as far and deep as my eyes could perceive.The smell was overwhelming
me.It was like sulfur and burning flesh but so strong that it
was as if it made up the air I breathedI wanted to throw up,
but I seemed frozen in time. As I became aware of my surroundings, I
realized that it was not a lake of water, but one of blood. And in the
blood as deep and as far as my eyes could see, there were people.And
they screamed in torment, burning, bleeding.drowning eternally
in their own blood..I was terrified! And then they were reaching
for me, grabbing my feet dragging me into this lake of eternal fire.
In despair, I screamed out "Jesus! Save Me!!!" .And
suddenly I was gone. I stood in the purest white light that I have ever
beheld. I was surrounded by such peace and love. At that moment, I understood
how real my salvation was..and I woke up."
I have never forgotten that dream. Nothing has ever felt as real as
that.I still wonder if it was a dream, or a vision from God.
Regardless, it changed my heart. I no longer thought of my salvation
as just something that I did just so I could spend eternity in Heaven,
but as something I did to NOT spend eternity in Hell. I chose Christ,
and I was spared.
I would love to say that I stayed strong and went on to a life of ministry.
But it was not the case. I began dating at 15, and a few years later
I lost my purity. I began drinking and going to clubs regularly at 18,
and when I was 19, I became involved in an impure relationship with
a married couple. At the age of 20, I was broken. I woke up on the side
of the road one morning after a night at the clubs, and realized I had
hit rock bottom. As I drove home, I prayed to God and begged him for
guidance. I prayed that he would send me a sign that he was still with
me. I prayed he would provide a way.Less than an hour later
I got a call from my best friend in ..Florida. I hadn't seen her in
almost 3 years. She told me that a friend of hers was sending me a plane
ticket so I could come to Florida. He didn't even know me! I took it
as a sign, and went for 2 weeks. Those were 2 of the best weeks of my
life! I was surrounded by Christians, going to church on Sundays, young
adult group on Tuesdays, and spending every other minute of my time
with young adults from the Church! And I met Jeremy. Jeremy was the
man who had bought me the ticket.
When the 2 weeks was almost through, everyone was so sorry to see me
go. I had become a part of the family! And so, I decided to pack up
my life and move to Jacksonville, FL. I flew home, quit my jobs, and
2 weeks later Jeremy flew up to Rhode Island to drive back to Florida
with me. 24 hours in a car, and you really get to know someone! I knew
within days that this was the man that God had chosen to be my husband.
We became inseparable, but never dated. Then in December of '98, he
met another woman. After their second date he was driving home and started
thinking about a future with this woman. He realized that if he pursued
her, that our relationship would change. He suddenly realized that he
was in Love with me! He got home, called my Dad and asked for my hand
in Marriage. He proposed that New Years Eve. I was shocked, but overjoyed!
We were married 6 months later. It was the most amazing spirit filled
wedding I have ever seen..Everything was perfect.
And then, everything started to change.
After about a year of marriage, my husband shared with me his struggle
with sexual issues. He frequently visited swinger websites, and was
intrigued by the lifestyle. In an effort to put him at ease, I shared
my experiences with him. He was surprised and intrigued. He wanted to
go visit the couple from my teens, and foolishly I agreed. While visiting,
we went to a strip club where I did amateur night. I won $500 and opened
the door to the future. We were months late on our mortgage, and the
bills kept piling up. Jeremy felt like the only way to get out of this
hole was for me to take a job at a strip club 2 hours away from our
home, just a couple nights a week. A couple turned into 4 or 5, and
soon he had to quit his job just to have the time to drive me and pick
me up. Then one day while searching the internet for opportunities,
he came across an ad for performers in an adult film in Tampa, Florida.
He said it was our only hope. In the eyes of God and my family, and
anyone else, he said took responsibility as my husband and the leader
of our family for my actions. I allowed him to make the decision, consumed
half a bottle of Captain Morgan, and performed in my first Adult Film.
I cried my heart out. I wanted to die, but I tried to keep it inside
to spare Jeremy the guilt. Unfortunately, one just wasn't enough. And
so began my career as an Adult Film Star.
In an effort to make money without me having to be in front of the
camera, we planned a trip to New York where I had plans to dance at
a high class Strip club. My first night there I was slipped a date rape
drug and was raped by an unknown number of employees of the strip club.
After being missing for 12 hours, I miraculously contacted the people
we were staying with and was taken to the hospital for tests. Unfortunately
my test results and police records were later mysteriously lost. There
was nothing I could do. Fortunately for me, I don't remember much so
I wasn't emotionally scarred by the rape. I was in the wrong place at
the wrong time,. If it wasn't me, it would have probably been another
new girl. Jeremy did not take it as well. He felt so much guilt for
putting me in that position. The hardest part for me was that they stole
my wedding rings and my grandmother's jewelry. I have never felt so
violated, and it hardened me. I went numb. I could not be Keri and the
person I was playing, so I put Keri deep inside so I wouldn't feel the
guilt and shame. I justified my actions by believing that Jeremy was
assuming responsibility and that I was doing it for my marriage. But
deep down I knew I was just fooling myself. And yet I kept on going.
And it only got worse. I remember making $36,000 in 3 weeks and then
not being able to pay our rent a week later. I don't know where it went.
And it seemed like it was never enough. The more I made, the more our
expenses went up. In order to keep going, I would ask Jeremy to give
me a date of when it would all end. He kept setting timelines and and
end points, and then the times would come and go. I started in the business
in the summer of 2000. I was 24 years old. The final deadline for our
retirement from the adult business was that I would be have a baby before
Jeremy turned 30. He turned 30 July of 2004. I was not pregnant. Quite
the contrary actually.
About 11 months before his 30th birthday, Jeremy told me that he felt
I didn't meet his physical needs and felt that in order to meet those
needs that he should have a girlfriend. I was shocked. And yet a part
of me wanted to test him to see just how far he was willing to take
it. I told him that he didn't meet my emotional needs and he suggested
that I get a boyfriend. I was flooredAnd yet I played along
just to see what he would do. And so he got a girlfriend and I got a
boyfriend. And after about a month I tried to leave him for the boyfriend.
Even though in my heart I knew it wasn't right, but I wanted him to
suffer. I wanted him to lose everything so that he could make the right
decision once and for all. And he begged me to come back.He
wanted to go back to Florida and start over. He wanted to leave it all
behind and make things right again. He had bought 2 plane tickets to
Florida and was driving to the airport as we talked. I told him if he
took me home to get our dogs I would leave with him that day. And so,
we drove home. I called my boyfriend and broke it off while Jeremy was
inside packing. I broke his heart, and because of that, I felt that
I had broke mine. But I knew I was doing the right thing. When I told
Jeremy, he couldn't believe I had done it over the phone. He had planned
on leaving his girlfriend a note because he couldn't bear to tell her
face to face. His girlfriend lived with us. She was downstairs while
all this was going on. I was shocked. In total disbelief, I told him
I couldn't go with him unless he told her face to face. He begged me
not to make him. And so he tried, and when she broke down in tears,
he begged me not to make him choose. "I Love You both" he
told me..I told him someday I would choose for him. I don't
think he believed I would ever follow through.
And so the knife was driven deeper into my heart. And I became hardened
and cold. But I stayed. 3 arrests (Jeremy's) and about $40,000 later
I was still there. The further we were from God, the worse things became
It was the most painful and humiliating year of my life. Jeremy used
to always say "Let me be wrong"He didn't want me to
tell him when he screwed up, he wanted to figure it out on his own and
learn from his own mistakes. Yeah.I wanted him to fail. I didn't
force him to do what I knew was right because I wanted him to fail by
his own rules. I realize now that I was wrong for that. I hold a partial
responsibility for his mistakes. I was bitter and didn't lift him up
when he was too weak to stand on his own. And I knew what I was doing.
But I didn't care. I didn't want to have to beg for him to choose me.
I couldn't be the rock for both of us. I had been the rock for so long,
and I was so beat down.
The final straw came in March of 2004. Everything that could have possible
gone wrong had and more, and I was done. On June 1st of 2004 while Jeremy
was out of town, I moved into my own apartment. I didn't tell him where
I lived for almost 2 years, although I continued to struggle with my
decision. I knew it was what was best for ME, but spiritually I could
not let go. I had to have peace from God before I could really let go.
I had much prayer from the women in my church, but dont know if I ever
truely felt that peace....But I finally filed for divorce in March of
2006. Sadly and quite unplanned, he was served the papers on our 7 year
anniversary. As for me, I had become involved with a man who was also
a performer in the adult industry. From March of 2004 till March 1,
2005 I worked only with him. And yet we struggled continually due to
the fact that I remained married and that he did not share my faith.
Finally on March 1, 2005 it all fell apart. I was trying to live 2
lives hoping they would each somehow work themselves out, and it just
wasn't working anymore. My boyfriend (Ron) and I had a huge falling
out due to a something from my past that I hadn't been completely honest
about. My marriage had failed, my relationship was failing, and I had
had all that I could take. I cancelled all the work that I had scheduled
and quit the adult industry. That work would have meant about $15,000,
but it just wasn't worth it.
And so, with $200 in the bank and rent due, I started over. Ron and
I reconciled and he encouraged and supported me both emotionally and
financially as I struggled to get back on my feet. I don't know how
I would have survived without him.
And so began my new life. In May of 2003 I had begun competing in Figure
competitions as a way of distracting myself from my life and an excuse
to be in the best shape possible. In August of 2004, I took second place
in the NPC National Figure Championships and achieved professional status.
It was a great personal goal achieved as well as a door to a whole new
career. I became certified as a personal trainer, and used my experience
where it seemed best fit. My training combined with my Massage Therapy
(I was licensed back in 1997 but took a break while in the business)
became my life. In February of 2006 I opened my own Massage Practice
while continuing to work as a Personal Trainer at a private gym. I continue
to strive to further myself both personally and professionally. I have
been so blessed.
My greatest blessings have been my Church, my family, and my personal
relationships.
I began going to The Church at Rocky Peak in October of 2004, but wasn't
really able to feel the real Peace of God until I was out of the business.
In the days following my retirement I met Lynn and Neil Johnson who
became my spiritual mentors and to whom I am still held accountable
to this day and will probably be as long as I live. They are and always
will be a blessing in my life. Through their prayers and the prayers
of many others I was able to come clean with my entire family. The heaviest
burden that I could ever imagine bearing was lifted from my soul, and
I felt I had been reborn yet again! What great Love to forgive so much!
They never judged me in any way, they just opened their arms and loved
me. I was the prodigal son come home, and it was a celebration. Instead
of tearing our family apart, it bonded us closer than ever. I am now
held accountable by those whom I love most, and will do whatever I can
to never disappoint them again. But most importantly, I am accountable
to my heavenly Father, who is above all else. Without his Love and faithfulness,
I wouldn't be the person I am today. I just pray that I have the strength
to persevere and allow his will to be done in my life without allowing
my own selfish will to get in the way.
And so my life goes on. My life is a continual work in progress, but
it IS in progress!!! I just pray that God gives me the strength to allow
his perfect will to be done, and the discernment to recognize it. Sometimes
his perfect will is very different from my own!
But without change there is no room for growth. If it means sacrificing
to allow God's perfect plan to play out, then I pray for the strength
to endure.
And so begins another day in this perfect life.
In His Grace,
Keri Marie Humble
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