Friday, April 21, 2006
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Porn, Press and Premieres: "American Cannibal's" Own Reality Drama
Tobi Elkin blogs: "What happens when reality becomes stranger than a reality TV show? That was the conundrum, well sort of, for Perry Grebin and Michael Nigro, two documentary filmmakers whose film premieres at the Tribeca Film Festival on April 26. "American Cannibal: The Road to Reality" chronicles an ill-fated reality TV production backed by porn mogul Kevin Blatt, the man best known for distributing the Paris Hilton sex video."
Smoking Gun: Charlie Sheen Divorce Bombshell
Wife: Drugs, hookers, threats, gambling, porn on actor's plate
APRIL 21--In a searing court attack on Charlie Sheen, actress Denise Richards alleges that her estranged husband is unstable, violent, addicted to gambling and prostitutes, and visits pornographic web sites featuring young men and girls who appear underage. In a remarkable sworn declaration (a copy of which you'll find below) filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, Richards also charges that Sheen, 40, assaulted her and threatened her life during a December 30 incident at the actress's Los Angeles home. Richards claims that an enraged Sheen--who was over for a visit with the couple's two children--told her she was "fucking with the wrong guy" and called her a series of vulgar names in front of the children. The actor, Richards said, then shoved her to the ground and screamed, "I hope you f--king die, bitch." As Richards, 35, tells it, Sheen was angry because she had told her divorce attorney about discovering details of Sheen's porn-surfing practices. Richards's declaration, filed in support of her request for a restraining order against Sheen, contends that Sheen "belonged" to "disturbing" sites "which promoted very young girls, who looked underage to me with pigtails, braces, and no pubic hair performing oral sex with each other." Other sites visited by Sheen, Richards alleges, involved "gay pornography also involving very young men who also did not look like adults." Richards claims that she also discovered that Sheen "belonged to several sex search type sites" on which he "looked for women to have sex with." His online profile, Richards adds, included a photo of "his erect penis." The Richards evisceration also portrays Sheen as a lousy father who urged her to abort their first child. And, when she was about to give birth to their second child via a C-section, Sheen's attention was "diverted to his pager for the results of his betting."
Holly writes: "Charlie Sheen was a member of Suze.net for quite some time, according to Ginger Lynn."
Ian Eisenburg of PornKings and EpicCash suing ex-workers
About Marvad FTC Issues More FTC Issues
Two Signs Holly's Turning Into A Spinster
* She spends her spare time pottering around her vegetable garden and sounding quite balmy.
* She wants a fluffy little dog to keep Poe company.
A friend of mine writes: "My love life is crap. Very crap. In fact so crap it makes crap look like crap. Everyone I know is getting married or having babies. As for me I am making a kitchen garden in my new home. If you want to come over you can but you have to help me plant vegetables!"
Sounds exciting.
"I have a great garden and I am planting loads of stuff. It is exciting. I wont have to go to the supermarket ever again as I will just go to the garden."
Holly writes: "Good to know I'm not the only dork out there!"
Proof that Holly is turning into her mother.
HollyRandall: hey i'm going to send you something very scary
HollyRandall: that i'm turning into my mom!
Luke: you're a funny cute adorable girl, i want to eat you up
HollyRandall: do i not look like my mother?
HollyRandall: you know they've started calling me Suze Jr at the studio?
HollyRandall: i can hear myself starting to sound and act like her
HollyRandall: i'm fighting it like hell
HollyRandall: ok well i have to get some more shots of the ranch
HollyRandall: i figure i'll get the pool with this nice low light
HollyRandall: taking pics of the ranch, makes me realize how beautiful
it really is out here
HollyRandall: especially with everything green
HollyRandall: that's why i want to get Joanna
[Angel] out here before all the vegetation starts to dry up
HollyRandall: i want to do her as like a punk princess outside in tall
grass
HollyRandall: totally opposite to all the other shoots she's done
HollyRandall: then i was going to shoot her as a "housewife" hanging
up laundry outside
HollyRandall: in a really un-housewife outfit, smoking a cigarette,
all bad-ass
(Holly's deleted her "You don't want to get to know me" blog from her myspace because she really doesn't want you to get to know her.)
I feel like I am the only one who can save her.
"Life of a porn princess isn't all parties and wild orgies..."
No Weirdos Please!
HollyRandall: we need another assistant for video days
HollyRandall: do you know anyone, or can you keep your ears open?
Luke: i can put an ad on my site?
HollyRandall: no!
HollyRandall: please
HollyRandall: i don't want weirdos applying
HollyRandall: i want someone that is referred to me by someone else
Luke: I'd like to apply
HollyRandall: i'd give you the job of taking polaroids of new guys
HollyRandall: i have to do some of a big black guy in a minute
HollyRandall: hey thanks for not putting my ad you
Luke: sorry, I had to step out and shoot a big black guy
HollyRandall: he was nice
Luke: yeah, gentle and considerate?
Luke: i guess you are healthy for the next week
HollyRandall: friendly and well-spoken
Luke: I notice you employ many black men in your shoots.
HollyRandall: well i do what i can but most girls don't do interracial
Luke: you should set them a good example
Luke: what kind of moral leader are you?
Luke: "well i do what i can" what exactly are you doing for the black
man?
HollyRandall: it's not up to me what the girls do or don't do
Luke: when have you ever given a black man some oral lovin?
HollyRandall: they just give me their limits, and i respect them
Luke: not so long ago
HollyRandall: never
HollyRandall: i'm saying if a girl does interracial i will try to book
her with a black guy
HollyRandall: i really like Tyler Knight, and we just used Deep Threat
with Hillary Scott the other week and he was really good
Luke: The Attorney General, Albert Gonzales, should force white porn girls
to ---- black guys.
HollyRandall: i can see a lot of people really dressed up for the XRCO
awards
Luke: yes, i wore your shirt and my black suit red tie
HollyRandall: arianna's wearing jeans and a tanktop?
HollyRandall: that's what i wear to work!
HollyRandall: glad to hear you're getting some mileage out of that shirt
Luke: people keep telling me I've lost weight
HollyRandall: now all you need is a new tie
HollyRandall: yeah you looked good last weekend
HollyRandall: is the red tie the only one you have?
HollyRandall: you can't wear a red tie with a blue shirt!
HollyRandall: you need a solid black one, at least
Luke: black, blue and red = patriotic
HollyRandall: yes you're sooo patriotic
Luke: you should see all it together = Uncle Luke
HollyRandall: has anyone else ever called you Uncle Luke?
Luke: not really
HollyRandall: cool so i have my own little catchphrase
Luke: you need to use it more often
Luke: your doting uncle, I spoil you
Luke: bounce you on my knee
Luke: throw you in the air and catch you
Jealousy
A Columbia News Service report on last month's national conference of polyamorists—people who love, but don't necessarily marry, multiple partners—features Robyn Trask, the managing editor of a magazine called Loving More. The conference Web site says she "has been practicing polyamory for 16 years." But according to the article, "When Trask confronted her husband about sneaking around with a long-distance girlfriend for three months, he denied it. … The couple is now separated and plans to divorce." A Houston Press article on another couple describes how "John and Brianna opened up their relationship to another woman," but "it ended badly, with the woman throwing dishes." Now they're in another threesome. "I do get jealous at times," John tells the reporter. "But not to the point where I can't flip it off."
Good luck, John. I'm sure polyamorists are right that lots of people "find joy in having close relationships … with multiple partners." The average guy would love to bang his neighbor's wife. He just doesn't want his wife banging his neighbor. Fidelity isn't natural, but jealousy is. Hence the one-spouse rule. One isn't the number of people you want to sleep with. It's the number of people you want your spouse to sleep with.
Cathy writes:
"Why didn't you tell me Luke is on the home page of the L.A. Weekly?"
"Why don't you read the Weekly in a coffeeshop like it's supposed to be read instead of online?"
"Why do you come up with such nonsense? And why is Luke such a sleazeball?"
"Why are you always insulting Luke? And why is he a sleazeball just for writing about something that you're always looking at?"
Etc. Anyway, L.A. Weekly writer Dan Kapelovitz did an excellent job summarizing Luke's life in The XXXorcist, part of the Weekly's Most Interesting People In L.A. special issue, available for coffeeshop reading today. Except that Kapelovitz left out a pretty vital part of the story that really everyone knows -- which is without me, Luke's nothing!
Kate writes: "I think I liked it better when Luke was the human equivalent of a cool local microbrew that nobody knew about and that yhou could only get in select locales. Now, he's in danger of becoming a mainstream kinda guy -- the human Bud Lite."
Link writes Cathy:
This photograph clearly illustrates the multicultural nature of the temptations with which the sophisticated man of the world must contend. Note the thoughful, pensive gaze, completely removed from the wickedness at hand.
Do you know what was on the mind of Mr. Ford as he sat there, surrounded by females of unknown morals? Three matters: the plight of Christians in Sudan; the plight of exploited women in Los Angeles; and how best he might show his gratitude to Cathy Seipp for allowing him to use her social status as a springboard to even greater things in life. Luke never forgets the little people he passes on his way up, and promises that he will continue to grace their social affairs with his presence, no matter how prominent he may become.
Allan writes: "Okay, where do I sign up for this orthodoxxxy thing? Great marketing I must say."
Odysseus writes: "That's a bit tough. Judaism hasn't been a prosletyzing religion since the destruction of the second temple. Still, if you want to join badly enough, I'm sure that we can find a mohel."
Allan writes: "I'm getting the feeling that may be mohel than I bargained for. Perhaps I'll just keep taking my pleasures amongst the philistines."
Crystal Clear Stars In World's Oldest Gangbang
I call Rob Spallone in New York Thursday afternoon.
A woman answers his phone.
Luke: "Hi, who are you?"
Crystal, 19: "My name is Crystal Clear and I'm here to ---- 50 old men."
Luke: "Why are you doing this?"
Crystal: "Why? Because I like old men.
"You know who I am? Who are you?"
Luke: "I write lukeisback.com."
Crystal: "Where did I meet him, Rob?"
Rob: "At Lesbian Swirlfest."
Crystal: "Where was he sitting? What did he look like? What do you look like?"
Luke: "Like Brad Pitt."
She laughs.
Luke: "You ask Rob."
Crystal: "Rob, does he look like Brad Pitt?"
Rob: "Yes. Exactly."
Luke: "Why are you doing this?"
Crystal: "So I can become something in this business and make something out of my life and I like old men. Rob Spallone's going to make me a star."
Luke: "How long have you been in the industry?"
Crystal: "Off and on since September, but I've done 40 movies."
Luke: "Why did you get into it?"
Crystal: "Because it was something new and I was as broke as a stroke."
Luke: "What were you doing before you did this?"
Crystal: "Telemarketing."
Luke: "When you were a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?"
Crystal: "An artist. Do photoshop, illustrate posters, movies, CD covers, paint, interior decorating."
Luke: "What happened to that dream?"
Crystal: "I still do it in my personal life."
Luke: "You make posters?"
Crystal: "I paint. I do graphic design."
Luke: "For who?"
Crystal: "For myself. I play around with photoshop."
Luke: "Are you in college?"
Crystal: "No, I dropped out of highschool to do porn."
Luke: "How old were you when you dropped out of highschool?"
Crystal: "I was 19.
"Do you remember who I am? You were at the scene I did for Lesbian Swirlfest."
Luke: "Are you black?"
Crystal: "No, I'm white. I had the black hair. I was wearing the yellow lingerie. It was that day with D. Wise."
Luke: "I'm trying to remember. I've been through a lot."
Crystal: "I have porcelain skin."
Luke: "How has the porn industry affected your life?"
Crystal: "Good. I like the money. It's affected my life in a positive way. I'm financially stable."
She laughs.
Luke: "Are your parents going to be OK with this gangbang?"
Crystal: "My parents know what I do and they're OK with it because I give them money to put food on the table."
Luke: "That's nice of you."
Crystal: "Yeah. I'm a sweet girl."
Luke: "There you are."
Crystal: "You just popped me on your computer screen? You're on Lighthouse? I'm a pretty girl, aren't I, when I'm all done up? You know who I am now? I look familiar?"
Luke: "It's all coming back now."
Crystal: "I'm going to be the next Jenna Jameson."
Luke: "I feel like we shared a special connection."
Crystal: "Yeah. The funny thing is I forgot what your face looked like. Oh baby."
Luke: "What do you love and hate about the porn industry?"
Crystal: "I like the money and the money. I like it when the make-up artist does my make-up. I feel so glamorous. I like going to the nice houses. I like making my movies and doing something with my life and getting up early in the morning. What I don't like is that there have been scandalous people in this business and nobody wants to buy this movie.
"Can you call back? Rob just hurt himself really bad. He's bleeding."
Luke: "Tell me more. How did he do it?"
Crystal: "He just stepped on a big spike and it went all the way through his foot and he's bleeding bad."
I hear Rob yelling in the background.
Crystal: "Call back, k?"
I call Rob at 5:20 p.m. PST.
Rob: "I stepped on a metal spike. It went right through my foot. I've got to get a tetanus shot. There was an old rusty thing in the back yard of my brother's house.
"We're going on Howard Stern at 7:30 a.m. EST.
"Crystal is as sharp as pencil."
The Rock writes Friday on XPT: "I don't know how many people listen to Howard Stern, but this 19yo girl Crystal Clear was on today, promoting her upcoming "project" Worlds Oldest Gangbang The segment was funny and sad at the same time, it revealed her as a messed up girl who has had a tough life. But, at the same time, I want to find her previous movies and can't find anything. She claimed to have done watersports films as well, and some regular porn. Anyone help me out?"
Are You Mad About Holly?
Jack writes: "Jesus Luke, I f--- around with gangsters. I wouldn't think twice of spitting in some nutcases face but I think you have just killed yourself. She will rip you a new arsehole."
I call my friend Thursday afternoon to let him know I've left porn behind me (spiritually speaking, porn is my Egypt, and I've crossed over the Sea of Reeds and I'm heading towards the promised land -- a book on American-Jewish literature).
Friend: "I saw you on VH1 the other night. You were talking about two cases (Joe Francis, Cameron Diaz) as though you knew so much about them. I was smack in the middle of both, but I'm happy. I didn't want to talk on camera.
"I love what you did to Holly Randall, swallowing gallons of semen. She must've loved you. She still talks to you? She must be crazier than me. I should've gone out with her all those years ago when Aimee Sweet and Aria recommended I go out with her. 'You should meet my friend Holly. She's great. One of our best friends.'
"I said, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send me a picture.' You know how shallow I am. Just as shallow as you are."
Luke: "No. I have the broadest range of what I find beautiful of about any guy I know. I'm OK with Plain Janes."
Friend: "Beggars can't be choosers.
"Holly and I should get along great. We're both meshuganeh (crazy) for talking to you.
"KB is heading for a settlement with American-Cannibal. KB picked up the phone and called Perry [Grebin, the director] and they're headed for an amicable settlement. KB should get to see the documentary in the next 24-hours.
"You haven't been hearing anything because of Passover?"
Luke: "I've only been putting in a few minutes on the site. The rest goes to spiritual contemplation."
Friend: "About Amy Ried and twelve guys."
Luke: "I got an offer to do a book on American Jewish literature for $500."
Friend: "Are you crazy? Why don't you just write a book on what you know?"
Luke: "I am. American-Jewish literature. You're out to degrade the human condition. I'm dedicated to uplifting it."
Friend: "Your aim is to get laid by a shayne maidel in temple. So you're writing this book to show to her parents.
"You're not out to impress Humphry. You're over trying to impress him. Writing about Nero has nothing to do with American-Jewish literature. You don't need him anymore.
"I wish I had scoop to give you."
Luke: "Just the sound of your voice lifts my spirits."
Friend: "Only acerbic wit today."
