Thursday, April 20, 2006
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Holly Randall: Don't read this because I don't want you to know me
An ex of mine, the love of my life and still a good friend, said a strange thing to me the other day. He said that he didn't really know me. We dated for 10 months; if one would refer to my track record-- 3 months is my average-- that's pretty long. I was surprised, because I feel we are so alike, I thought he knew me. But he doesn't get me, which got me to thinking.
I realized I don't understand me either. And it really made me think of who the hell I am. I'm a complete paradox-- I believe in and wish for love, but I push all away who try to enter that realm with me.
My mother came by my house this morning, and as she wandered around what used to be our family home before we moved to Calabasas in 1993, she declared that I need a roomate. I live in a two story, 4 bedroom house by myself. It's a large place for one person, but I enjoy the solidarity. The hairs on the back of my neck instantly raised at the idea of someone invading my personal space.
"I don't want a roomate!" I demanded. "I prefer to be alone and most of the time I don't want people around me."
My mother cannot understand this because she loves to be social-- she loves having people around her and despises being alone. Many a time I have seen her sit back in her chair with a look of total satisfaction when she is at the dinner table with a group of friends or her family. I get that look when I'm curled up in my bed, with only the table lamp on and a book in my hands. Alone.
So she looks at me, perplexed. "Don't you get lonely?"
"Hell no. I have my dog, my vegetable garden, and my nightly baths. Screw the rest of you."
On the surface, I was obviously kidding. But then I wasn't. This is my problem -- I really do spend most of my free time alone. I have always been like this -- as a child, I had very few friends and I was distant to them even then. When I was playing in my room, at times my nanny would come in and sit down on the bed, pleased to observe her little darling. I would instantly stop playing, cross my arms, and stare angrily at her until she left. Even at the age of 7, I didn't want to let people into my world.
People may find this strange, because I am, on the surface, a social butterfly. I am a good girlfriend because you can take me to a party and I won't hang on your arm all night -- I will find interesting people and engage in conversation with them -- I know how to charm. You won't have to babysit me. I am well-spoken, polite in the right company, and very friendly. One would never guess that I'm a cold-hearted bitch. But I'm not. Yet I can be. I feel that everytime I try to define myself, I contradict myself. Sometimes I feel that my heart is frozen on the outside, but burning on the inside.
I want to help everyone on the planet, but I don't want anyone to help me. I just don't want you to get close. It freaks me out. And when I post this blog, I will probably get authentic messages from friends that claim they will always be there for me when I need them, but I won't take them up on it. And I'm not saying they won't mean it, but I don't want your help. I don't want anyone's help. When I am sad and lonely, the last thing I will do is pick up the phone and call a friend. I would rather wallow in my own misery, unobserved. It is my way, and if you don't get it, don't feel bad-- I don't get it either.
But I know I'm not emotionally dead-- I cry at sad movies, I love dogs and will stop to pet every one I pass on the street, I smile at babies and pregnant women, I believe in love and I hope one day that someone can actually put up with my "I need love but don't you dare give it to me" crap.
A few months ago, I went on a couple of dates with the "perfect guy" -- he was tall, handsome, my age, intelligent, well-educated, wealthy with a steady job, and very down to earth. We went out a couple of times and he declared to me that I "blew his mind" and I was "the most amazing girl" and many other over-the-top compliments. I became uncomfortable with his admiration of me-- I felt he didn't really know me, and therefore was unaware of my issues.
So what did the brilliant Holly Randall do? She got really drunk, made a fool of herself, and fucked everything up. He, being an intelligent guy worthy of someone who isn't a total fuckup-- wasn't interested in me anymore. This is one of the few times I've been rejected. And I was such an idiot I made damn sure he would never give me a second chance. Hell, I wouldn't. This is what I do -- I am so self-destructive that I will screw up anything good for me, and I mean personally. I don't fuck up for work -- I am dedicated to my job and I work my ass off for that. But if you try to get intimate with me -- that's another story.
I can't be like this for the rest of my life. I don't want to die alone, umarried, with no children. I want the good husband, the suburban home, the white-picket fence, the Golden Retriever and funny magnets to hang my children's art on the fridge with. I want love, I want happiness, I want peace. And I know I have all the tools to achieve that, I just have to believe in myself. Why is that so hard to do? I know others believe in me, what is that worth if I don't share their opinion? I've been sitting here, trying to come up with one phrase that defines me. I can't. I don't get me. Is this normal?
Penthouse Pet Crystal Klein Counsels Photographer Holly Randall
Crystal writes to Holly's blog entry about pushing people away:
Holly, I don't claim to know you from the inside out, but spending a little bit of time at your place now and again, I got at least a little insight into what makes you tick.
There is something positive about your desire to be alone most of the time. You might be surprised, but the majority of people actually have to learn that their very own presence can (or rather should be) enough. Why? Because it means no distraction. No distraction from your thoughts, no distraction from your real desires, no distraction from asking this very question you are asking here: "who am I?"
I've got a couple of friends who are indcredibly jubilent and bubbly 99% of the time, and I used to envy them for it, wondering how the hell they do it. Until I realised that they are only able to feel that way when around people. Don't get me wrong, they don't wear a mask or pretend, they really are happy in social circumstances; however, on the rare occasion they find themselves alone, all hell breaks loose. Every single time. How do I know that? Because I get desperate and depressed phone calls from them only then.
And that's a comman phenomenon.
Being able to enjoy one's own company is one of the hardest things to do. Take me for example: I love being all by myself, doing whatever the hell I wanna do. I crave it whenever I've been around people for only half a day. I just wanna get the hell out of there. It's emotionally draining for me. I enjoy being on my own for the rest of the day, but leave me alone for a few more days, and I become...how do I put it... strange. I don't motivate myself to do anything, I won't leave the house, I can't get the easiest daily routines done (my dishes will sit in the sink until I get busted) and my creativity goes down the toilet. Bottomline is: I still haven't learned to be my own best friend and be content with my own company.
So, if you don't develop any of those symptoms above while being alone, be insured you are a mile ahead of most people out there. They might just not be aware of their problem because they avoid exposing themselves to a situation where they really are on their own for a while - for obvious reasons.
Now, as to why you seem to push people (and men in particular) away most of the time, I obviously can't give you a right answer. However, let's play with the following theory, even if I might be completely wrong: first of all, you are obviously a very smart person. An intellectual I dare to say. People like you tend to criticize and scrutinize every little tiny detail about themselves...and more often than not, they are not entirely happy with their analysis of themselves.
Although you would probably not ever want to be anyone else because you know how smart, witty and talented you are, chances are that you are also very aware of your flaws...and maybe, to a certain extent, fear you are not as great as everyone thinks...or as you think yourself. By letting someone into your life completely (and we are talking living together), you risk sharing more of yourself than you could handle. You fear you might have lived in an illusion and your guy will make you discover that you are not as smart, or as witty, or as social, or as stable, or as talented as everyone else perceives you.
Your comment about having been rejected only very few times seems to support the case I am trying to make....because really, only those that won't let people a in all the way, will not be rejected. Imperfections don't surface, weaknesses are not shown, insecurities don't exist. You are able to just show your strong sides....and who would reject that?
God, have I been rejected a thousand times because of my real nature, and damn is it hard for me to show the real me because of that. I have pushed people away till I was 18, although all the guys adored me, but because I couldn't risk having them find out that I might not be as cool as I seem, I kept them at distance in order to be able to continue to enjoy their endless admiration. Until my first boyfriend broke my mold.
He had been after me for five full years, and adored me to an extent that was almost ridiculous. I met him at 13 and had an immediate crush on him. Until he confessed his endless love for me. Although I enjoyed the following years of being pursued and adored by him tremendously, I also felt...repulsion. I was asking myself why the hell he would think of me so much when he didn't even know me. And I looked down on him for feeling that way for someone....like me. To this day I cannot believe that he got me in the end. I am unbelievably grateful for that though. From feeling disgusted by a simple hug from him, I went to appointing him the one to take my virginity...and to be my first love.
I don't know exactly how it happened, all I know is that gradually I let him in ( I had no choice, he was always around me), and by doing so I also discovered that he still looked at me with the same adoration...although he got to know everything that I always feared to share. And geez, was that a freeing experience. Ever since then I have come to realise that most people will love me even when they really, really know me. And it has made me feel much better about myself. I have had my fair share of rejection since then as well, but I'm glad I did. I wouldn't have learned as much as I did about myself otherwise. So, I'm just sharing this experience with you in order to maybe make you see yourself in it at all....and maybe take something with you.
If you don't ever ever allow anyone in completely, you might never experience that which you are searching for. Because you don't allow it to happen. And you don't allow yourself to like everything you are to the full extent. I would have never thought that I can spend almost 24/7 with the same person...for almost 4 years now. The trick is to give up everything you ever pretended to be, and let the other person see you as you see yourself. Then, only then, will being around someone for a large amount of time not evoke panic reactions, but fill you with comfort. Because you can be everything you'd be if you were on your own. Without being judged for funny habits or annyoing flaws. It's quite an amazing thing.
Being around people is most of the time still exhausting for me. I like it for a limited time, but I can only take so much. Why? Because although they all perceive me as a socially skilled and emotionally open person, deep inside I am not. But I wouldn't wanna come across any other way. That's why it drains me. Because I can't let go and be myself all the way in front of everyboday. And I don't have to be. Because I am loved by those that really know me, and therefore I've come to terms with the fact that at heart, I am a loner. And so should you.
Whatever Happened To Tim Connelly And His Party Buddy Sharon Mitchell?
I believe she's still running AIM.
Tim was high as kite during much of his reign at AVN. If you had a meeting with him, he'd appear to be on a cocaine-jag and would talk for hours and you'd be dying to get out of there.
My First Blowjob
Danny writes: It was the eighth day of Passover. I was staying at a hotel with my family. Because I was very religious, I would not go outside and play basketball on a holy day. So I stayed in and hung out with this girl and got my first blowjob.
Last Week's Porn Star Karaoke Pictures
It was the worst of times (my Canon 20D suddenly stopped working and I had to use a $5 instamatic camera to take pictures coupled with being grabbed by disgusting old man, James Bartholet, at the end of the evening and having him shove his tounge in my mouth and rub his old dick on me while begging me to go home with him) and the best of times (Pure Play Media publicist April Storm arranged a huge whirlwind of publicity from two mainstream documentary companies to cover the Tushy Girls having fun at Sardos to promote upcoming Seymore Butts titles).
James Bartholet's MySpace page. Here's an excerpt of his self-description:
I'm fun, sexy, with a great sense of humor, passionate, creative, a great friend, and loyal. I need to be appreciated not alot, just a little LOL. an idea man, inspirational, motivational, and humble too, LOL Always up, always ready to party, and always looking for new enriching and fun experiences. Besides television and radio hosting, I also promote niteclubs and specials events, The main reason I'm here is to get people to my events, and promotions, and to keep in touch with friends and fans. So visit my site, or check the blogs to see what's up next. I'm secure, and stable Financially, emotionally, physically, and religuosly Please come to my promotions and parties, I'd want to meet you. One thing I've learned here on myspace is not to get your hopes too high. No promises, no guarantees. Keep it causal, and have fun.
Backstage With The Porn Stars
Yesterday [April 15] I had a lovely time at Stanford University, where Richard Pacheco and I were the featured guests at an AIDS fundraiser. The title of the program is "Backstage with the Porn Stars." It's the second time we've done this, and I don't doubt we'll be doing it some more. It gets better each time, and it's lots of fun. I adore Richard; he was my first (and really only) crush in this business. We've known each other since my first year in porn, and he also hails from Berkeley (via Pittsburgh), so we're on the same page, attitude-wise. We dress up in a tux (him) and a gown (me) and tell stories about our time in front of the camera, and then open the floor for questions from students too young to know about a Time Before Porn Tapes/DVDs/anti-sex feminists. Richard is a spellbinding storyteller (it helps that he's both a trained actor and the father of three grown kids), and he keeps me in stitches, even when I know the story he's telling.
More Discontent About Black Widow Productions
Terry Stephens aka One Eyed Jack replies to my inquiry about Black Widow:
Hi Luke, I'm not happy for the same reasons. Payments are always later and later...I still havent received a payment for 2 months now and i do consider it a breach of contract with the VODs...In the contract it stipulates they can do whatever they want with it but not without prior consent from the licensor (me).
The worst part of it was they didn't even tell me, I found out through another source. This is not a good working business relationship at all. I've voiced my concerns to Ric who swears he would never rip me off a cent but how can sales be so poor in the US when they have performed a lot better in the UK which isn't even the size of Texas, and with the fact our sales are restricted to some 400 sex shops where they can only be legally sold here. It does invite distrust and suspicion the way they have conducted bsiness so far.
I am not happy at all with my treatment there at Black Widow. I can speak for my clients also at Mad At it Productions who have Hard Days At The Orifice with them and Jay Kennedy with his Real British Hookers and Kat Vargas Gang Bang Club I have the Naughty Shorts and Real Life Couples line with them. I don't think I will be doing further business with them until this is all cleared up.
Mimi Miyagi Running For Governor Of Nevada
Here's my long profile of her and her troubles.
Meni writes on JBM: "That might be the last avn she does after 2 days of rapping with her, we went and did shots of vodka and walked around the show, i put my arm around her, then I said, oh wait your boyfriend will kill me, and she said, no he won't. You can tell she's buzzed in that clip when she says THAT'S IT."
Amy Ried Shoots Bakers Dozen For Brandon Iron
Brandon calls me back.
He shot last Thursday, April 13, with twelve guys. It took about four hours.
Brandon: "She was in the process of changing agencies, going over to LA Direct Models. Her former agent at Metro Talent Management happened to say she was looking for her last booking. 'Why don't you pitch her?'
"I learned to spend it while you've got it. Give girls what they want. You can't replicate some of these shoots. A million monkeys typing for a million years might replicate the complete works of Shakespeare, but nobody could get Bakers Dozen. We only had 13 monkeys including me.
"A beautiful woman like that in the prime of her life, she gave 100%.
"I learned not to offer 80% of what she asks for and ask her to do 100% of the job. Give her 100% of what she asks for and she's going to give you 100% back.
"Rather than hiring a good guy, I chose to do the scene myself. She was patient. We got good stuff. I don't think it's rough or degrading. She's not a punching bag. She's not there to just let you have your way. She participates.
"At the end, there were 12 guys with her and Sasha Knox. Everyone had a good time. It finished without a single cut. Everyone unloaded. It was a pervert's dream."
Luke: "Did you give her drugs or alcohol?"
Brandon: "No. I don't think she's into that. She's straightlaced.
"I worked with Tera Patrick about six years ago. I still get emails about it. When some girls become legends in the business, and it's a feather in your cap when you got to work with one. I did Brianna Banks's first scene.
"Amy could be a mega-star if she wants it."
Luke: "Do you think she's cut out for porn stardom?"
Brandon: "That's what makes her special. She's atypical. She could have done fashion and glamor modeling. I have no clue what would drive her. I did not get to know her on a deep level. The first time I shook her hand [was the day he worked with her]. I don't know much about her except she's a goddess."
Luke: "Will you ever be able to be happy with another woman again?"
Brandon laughs. "That's going to get me in trouble. There are women and then there are goddesses, above and beyond all of us. I respect Amy for pushing her limits."
Dan Kapelovitz writes in the April 20, 2006 LA Weekly:
Often called “the Matt Drudge of Porn,” Web gossipmonger L-ke Ford is trying to distance himself from his triple-X past. “My life will forever be associated with the writing I’ve done on the porn industry,” laments Ford. “I still do everything I can to build up a name writing on other topics.” Ford’s other writing obsessions include the Mafia, the media and the mellow sounds of Air Supply.
Ford moved to Los Angeles in 1994. Three years later, after failing to become a successful actor, Ford became famous (at least in smut circles) for his porn-gossip Web site, LukeFord.com.
He quickly earned a reputation for his willingness to post almost anything about anybody, fact-checking be damned. He thrilled to print controversial items, and pissed off porno people when he revealed the real names of blue-screen thespians. The climax of his porn-blogging career was breaking a story about an actor infected with HIV.
“I interview pornographers,” explains Ford. “It’s kind of like a grad student sticking a stick into a cage of insects and seeing how they react.” Unlike most grad students and their insects, however, Ford has had sex with some of his subjects.
Born in Australia 39 years ago to the son of a Seventh-day Adventist minister, Ford has since discovered the joy of Orthodox Judaism. His religious conversion originated from an unlikely source: annoying talk-show host/moralist Dennis Prager.
Ford keeps kosher, observes the Sabbath and attends synagogue every day, but admits that his behavior often falls short of what his adopted religion requires.
After learning of Ford’s Web site, various rabbis banished him, an ordeal he details in his self-published memoir, XXX-Communicated: A Rebel Without a Shul.
Ford gets death threats, and often sleeps with a loaded gun under his pillow. No one has murdered Ford yet, but he has been physically assaulted twice. One porn journalist repeatedly bashed Ford’s head against a light pole.
Ford’s fast-and-loose blogging has also brought him some legal woes...
To move beyond porn and get in good with his coreligionists, Ford sold his Web site for $25,000 and created LukeFord.net. What he did to pornsters, he now does to journalists, clergymen and Hollywood producers, one of whom is in the process of suing him.
If that’s not living dangerously enough, Ford is working on a book about Orthodox rabbis who are sexual predators.
God help him.
Stephen Michael Cohen's Former Attorney Leonard D. Duboff Sues Playboy Magazine, Author Michael Gross Over February Issue's Sex.com Story
Here's the paragraph in question (the seventh in the story):
By that time, Sex.com was making a fortune, so much so that Cohen was able to hire one of the best-known trademark attorneys in the country, Leonard Duboff, a disgraced academic with a shady past. (Duboff declined to talk to Playboy, calling questions about his past insulting.)
Here is Michael Gross's declaration from April 4, 2006:
6. During the course of researching the Article, I also obtained and verified certain information relating to Leonard Duboff. I wanted to learn more about the lawyer whom Cohen chose to represent him. Specifically, I obtained a set of documents that indicated that Mr. Duboff had been a tenured professor at Lewis & Clark Law School in Portland, Oregon, in the 1980s and early 1990s. The documents I obtained further indicated that Mr. Duboff ultimately resigned his professorship amidst allegations of plagiarism and dishonesty and evidence that he engaged in the practice of law in violation of his contract and in contravention of American Bar Association accreditation standards.
8. ...I attempted to contact Mr. Duboff to inquire whether he cared to comment on the circumstances of his departure from Lewis @ Clark. I had also been made aware of an allegation that Mr. Duboff was attempting to build a bomb when the explosion occurred which blinded him and I wanted to ask him about that. In late August 2005, I phoned Mr. Duboff in his office and left him a voice mail message...
Holly Randall Emails Me: 'See! I'm Healthy!'
She sends me the following news story: "Women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis, one to two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent..."
I'm glad to hear Holly's swallowing semen by the gallon. If you would like a free blowjob, just email her at hollyrandall@suze.net.
Meanwhile, I'm home alone reading The Purpose Driven Life.
The next time I get head it's going to be special in a way that secular people such as Holly will never understand.
Life is a narrow bridge. The most important thing is not to be afraid.
David writes: "On the behalf of men everywhere, thanks for helping get the word out on that."
Holly writes:
Yooooouuu butthead!
I give you an interesting news article, and this is what I get?
I'm hitting every public bathroom on the way home and scrawling "Call Luke for a good time" with your number on the stall walls.
I've included the pics from Easter -- you know, what I do when I'm not swallowing semen by the gallon.
David writes: "Hey, that was a joke, wasn’t it? Dang!"
Joanna's Angels 2 Premiere Party
Big time fun for everyone. zero thank yous to whomever stole my phone and money. shame on you. you get no kudos! boooo! i got to hang out with a couple genuine new york city cops while filing a police report... so i guess thats nice. i guess if you dont get something stolen from you, you arent getting the "full new york city experience."
Ric Williams/Black Widow Have No Clothes?
Harry Weiss writes the following press release:
EMPEROR RIC WILLIAMS HAS NO CLOTHES
Chatsworth, CA-(April 19, 2006)-According to former clients, it appears that Ric Williams is just another fast talker that is all hustle and no muscle. After Private North America closed its doors, former COO Ric Williams opened a distributorship called Black Widow Productions.
When Steve Miller wrote and sang "Take the Money and Run", he might have been predicting the end of Black Widow Productions. It has been alleged that Ric Williams couldn't bleed money from his clients fast enough with a Black Widow (old distributorship), so now he is using a RAZOR (new distributorship).
Former clients of Black Widow Productions are canceling contracts faster than you can say ripped-off, including one of Black Widow's biggest clients MSS Interactive Ltd. Mike Newcombe, Managing Director of MSS said, "Unfortunately it just hasn't worked out with Black Widow. Sales figures are rarely punctual, payments are often overdue, and recently sales have been very poor. I would like to believe Ric, but have finally grown tired of his excuses. I have been left with no option but to seek alternative channels with our new products. Ten new titles are ready for release pending a new distribution agreement that will be announced later this month."
Newcombe went on to comment: "It's disappointing. It all seemed to be going well, but last September things took a dramatic turn for the worse. I have been contacted by a number of other UK and European producers who seem to be having the same difficulty with Black Widow. Black Widow also sold my product through various VOD channels; however our contract with them did not include those rights. I happened to discover this and, while they have paid me some money, I do not believe it covers all VOD income. I have doubts that had I not found out about the VOD deals; they never would have paid me for the VOD. They have apparently done the same to a number of other producers who tell me they haven't received a penny."
Four of Black Widow Productions largest clients; MSS Interactive, Producer of the AVN Nominated Series "Fetish Desires," jft Media, Producer of AVN Nominated video "Sins of the Flesh," Hercules Productions, and Marcus Allen Productions, Producer of "Kinky Wrinkly," officially announce the termination of their distribution agreements with Black Widow Productions.
Ric responds: "While it is true that MSS Interactive has tried to cancel his contract with me, it is more because his titles have had low sales due to limited demand. This is all a part of my ex-partner Robert Goodman's attempt to start up a distribution business in the USA. The other producers that he mentions are all friends of his and Roberts. This will be settled in the courts and not in the press. They have been paid every cent that is owed to them, and we will defend this matter in court. My reputation has been based on paying my bills, and this will not cease."
Smash Pictures For Sale?
I spoke to the VP of Smash Pictures and was told that this is false information.
10 Questions with Da Burglar - Miss Meadow Edition
1a) Miss Meadow, you are friends with Porn's most lovable, sexy stoner, Sierra Sinn, and you have developed your own reputation as being a super sexy stoner . Everyone wants to know, does Pot REALLY enhance your sexual pleasure or does it just make it easier for you to do porn? Or both?
Meadow: "Both for sure, weed even makes me horny sometime. I cant perform unless Ive just smoked a fresh bowl of ganja. I pretty much can't do anything without being blazed though. If you wanna see me smoking some herb, go to 420girls.com and I am the 420 girl of the month."
1b) Where does the best Pot come from, in your opinion?
Meadow: "The Pacific Northwest for sure, but I'm from there so of course I'm gonna say that. Alaska and northern Cali both grow some pretty nice headies though too."
1c) You are refeshingly, commendably honest, Meadow, on your Myspace Profile, that pot has helped you stay away from other more addictive substances. Can you tell your fans a little more about your experience in this area, and do you feel you can help other girls in porn avoid the trap of addiction by sharing your story?
Meadow: "Well I was on crank for almost a quarter of my life and I have almost a year clean now. Meth really fucked me up, as it has a lot of my friends and family and I am just thankful I got out of that lifestyle. I went to rehab and when they weighed me in I was 79 pounds and I looked like a Holocaust victim. It took me a while to stay clean after I got out, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself. Then I got my prescription for marijuana because another medical use for it is helping people recover from addiction. Now I just toke up anytime those old demons start stirring up inside me, fiending for dope. I also learned in rehab that it takes a meth addict 11 years after their last use for their brain to go back to normal. Speed literally will turn your brain upside down and backwards, I still suffer from meth-induced psychosis. So thats something to think about if you are battling your own addiction and need help."
3b) Do you prefer men or women as sexual partners, and which is easier for you to shoot in porn, Girl/Girl or Boy Girl? What's the toughest most demanding scene you have shot?
Meadow: "I love both men and women in bed but on camera, g/g is easier, off camera I like a dick in me but I still like girls there on the side to play with too. Just ask Sierra. The toughest scene I shot was with T.T. Boy and I was 18, my first day in California, and I had just shot my first scene ever with Ed Powers a half an hour before. If you are in the industry, you know that T.T. and Ed are opposite spectrums of porn. Well, I didn't know what to expect because I didnt know T.T.s reputation. Agents will purposely send brand new girls to him or guys like that because they havent been influenced by the other girls or whoever and dont know what to expect. Anyways, to make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital and my pussy was so injured I couldn't walk for 4 days. I do have a tender pussy though, so I'm not completely blaming anyone for the record. Thank god shes a little tougher than she was back then though, hehe."
What do you actually think of the travesty and crime against womanhood that is DONKEY Punching, and would you ever allow yourself personally to be Donkey Punched during a scene?
Meadow: "Hey, it the chick digs it then so be it. But only if shes into it and knows its coming and yes, I believe I have been donkey-punched during a scene, but it was part of the scene and I knew it was coming. And who says only woman can get donkeypunched anyways? I do it to dudes all the time."
6a) Do you ever feel like you are being used by the Adult Industry to your detriment, or do you think you are using the Adult Industry to better yourself?
Meadow: "I think it goes both ways, we use the industry and the use us back. Its a win win situation really. They're making their money, I'm making mine, everbodys happy."
6b) What do you like most and least about being in Porn?
Meadow: "I love that I dont lead a cookie-cutter lifestyle. I love that I can work a few hours and make what some people make working two weeks full time. What I least like about porn is fear of stds and shit cuz I am a raging hyprocondriac!"
7) Once you are no longer performing in Porn Scenes, What will you be doing to make a living/support yourself? Will you EVER get Married Meadow, and if so, are you more likely to Marry for Love or Money? More likely to marry a man older than you, or the same age/slightly younger than you?
Meadow: "I would love to always be connected to the adult industry in some way, even when I am done perfoming. I have also always wanted to be a teacher someday though maybe at an alternative high school. I am also interested in maybe becoming a drug counselor so I can help recovering addicts the way I was once helped. As for marriage, I would never marry for money only love, and someday in the very, very distant future I will consider marriage with the right person. Age isnt really a factor either way though."
Amy Ried Does Baker's Dozen For Brandon Irons
I hear she was paid $5500 to do the scene with 12 guys.
LukeIsBack Appreciation Day May 28
Chaim writes me: "Do you want me to agitate for a Luke Appreciation Day to coincide with your birthday? Now I want you to hype it, and bring it to the attention of Holly and all your other friends in porn and your nonfriends in Judaism. If anyone calls you on the errors, tell them you were typing through the tears of loneleeeeness."
It was recently brought to my attention that I am going to turn 40 this May 28, and that nobody was planning on doing anything to help me celebrate this special - and grim - day. Not my kids (I don't have any); not my wife (I've never been married); and not my girfriend, either (I don't get any GF these days). Not my coworkers and not my neighbors and not . . . you get the picture. In short, if I don't do anything about it, nobody in the world is going to help me usher in this special day. I will spend it all alone in a state of morbid self-attention.
Thankfully, I have a life coach, Chaim Amalek, who tells me that if people won't come to my side on their own initiative when I need them to, I will just have to browbeat them into doing so using my media powers, which is exactly what I am doing here. All of you people who know me and enjoy my company are on notice: you have between now and May 28 to prepare suitable birthday celebrations for me. Buy gifts if you wish, but it is your time and love that I especially seek (especially if you are young and fertile and female and available for marriage). Advice too, will be welcome, especially if it leads to more gainful employment that I currently know through my blogging efforts.
Don't let me start my fifth decade on earth all alone like I was when my birth mommy died when I was but a helpless little boy. I want to know the milk of human kindness on my big day, and there are oh so many ways for you to show it to me.
What can you get the birthday boy who has everything that he needs, but not everything that he wants? Plenty.
For starters:
1. A job that fully exploits my talents and pays me accordingly.
2. Better housing.
3. A nice car. A '74 Lincoln with few miles on it would be fine.
4. New teffilim.
5. A shiny new esrog.
6. A wife.
7. A big screen TV for viewing my religious themed DVDs.
8. Morally sound DVDs.
9. A new set of clothes.
10.New Gillette shaver (kosher).
11.More underwear.
12.Spoons and forks.
13.Jewish books.
14.A holiday in Aruba.
15.A kitten.
16.A rope.
17.Gardening tools.
18.A set of capons.
19.Someone who is willing to translate my work into Tagalog.
20.Plant seeds.
21.Gift certificates to kosher vegan restaurants.
22.A trip home to visit my family in Australia, whom I miss.
23.Luggage.
24.Dental work.
25.Golf clubs.
I call the tall blonde beauty Tuesday afternoon.
Luke: "Holly [Randall] was showing me pictures yesterday of your shoot with Charlie Lain."
Lexxi: "She looks good, doesn't she?"
I think, yes, Holly does look good.
Luke: "Who looks good? Charlie?"
Lexxi: "Charlie. She's got a little booty and some titties."
Luke: "It looked like you were being mean to her in the photos. You were dominating."
Lexxi: "Why? You want me to dominate you?"
Why do so many people think I'm a submissive in bed? Because my general demeanor is so passive and whiny?
Luke: "I don't like to be dominated."
Lexxi: "Do you want a spanking, you naughty boy?"
:Luke: "I like to be the dominant one."
But that's not fully true. I'm vanilla. I don't like taking a lot of instruction in bed. I like to be the man, but not some caricature of masculinity. I don't like to perform. I just like comfort and merging.
Holly taught me to be much more aggressive than I am used to. But I was willing to put out for the spiritual and material rewards that came along with being a good boy.
Lexxi: "We wouldn't get along then."
Luke: "You have to be the dominant one in bed?"
Lexxi: "Mostly."
Luke: "Does Derrick Pierce [her boyfriend] let you dominate him?"
Lexxi: "He's bigger than me, but he doesn't get too crazy. But as far as anyone else outside of Derrick, I have to be the dominating one.
"I'm getting my boobs done next Wednesday."
Luke: "Everything looked good in the pictures."
Lexxi: "I just have to be careful of the camera angles, push the titty up. I'm getting silicone because my skin is thin. I hope silicone will take care of the ripples.
"I shot some bondage stuff yesterday for Jay Edwards. It was pretty brutal. I will never do it again. I don't mind being tied up. OK, strap my arms down, bend me over and being blindfolded, but I had a gag in my mouth for hours and hours. My jaw is really sore today. My legs were tied up. My hands were tied up. My shoulders were tied up. My elbows were tied up. My titties were tied up.
"I got through it, but it was really brutal. I can't believe people get off on this ----. And that was mild compared to the flogging and beating that other people do.
"I finished it because I didn't want to have a bad shoot under my belt."
Luke: "Was that your toughest shoot ever?"
Lexxi: "That was definitely my toughest shoot. I had to be untied a couple of times during filming because I was having panic attacks."
Luke: "How was your shoot with Charlie Laine?"
Lexxi: "That was fun. It was probably harder for her because she had to do all these awkward positions. It was more playful and fun. We really didn't get into the pussy licking. I was bummed out about that.
"I shoot about once a week. I dance four nights a week (Wed - Sat) at The Wild Goose (near LAX), five-to-six hour shifts. I make good money. For me to do boy-girl, you'll have to make me a contract girl and give me a thick contract, none of this $60,000 a year bull----.
"I don't even have to take off my clothes [at the club]. It's a topless club and you're only topless on stage. I don't even waste going on stage. It's not worth it for me for $5."
Luke: "How is it psychologically dancing? Hard work?"
Lexxi: "It's fun. You're like a counselor, a therapist, for all these guys... I have guys say, 'I haven't had sex with my wife in three years.' A lot of guys like me to talk dirty to them. Their wives aren't into it. They love that. They eat it up. It's just a game. It's acting.
"I've got lots of weirdo customers. One guy acts like he's a dog. He'll come in on a leash. He'll sit there and put his paws up and beg for the pussy and bark. Everyone in the club can see him. He's like, 'I want you to embarrass me and punish me in front of everybody.'"
Sheesh, all he needs is a blog.
Lexxi: "I've got guys who want me to squeeze their nipples as hard as I can and smack 'em in the face and kick 'em in the balls with my high heels."
Luke: "What do you wear when you do this?"
Lexxi: "Lingerie and high heels."
Luke: "You don't hate your job and drink yourself into a stupor?"
Lexxi: "Not at all. I try not to even drink on the job. If I order a shot to take with the guys, I don't even finish it. I'll wait until they take their shot and push it to the side.
"The day I need to drink to do my job is the day I need to look for another job."
Luke: "Are the other girls jealous of you?"
Lexxi: "All the girls are respectful of each other. There are always girls who talk ----, but as long as they are at a table and out of my way and not ----ing with my money, that's fine. Nobody really steals anybody's customers. I haven't had to beat anybody's ass yet.
"If I do the same thing for too long, I get bored and burnt out really fast. I like variety -- dancing and posing and feature dancing. I'll take off to Vegas and dance there for something different. I'll do a bondage shoot instead of girl-on-girl."
Luke: "You haven't even done a still shoot with Derrick?"
Lexxi: "No. Suze Randall really wants to do a photo shoot with us. I told her maybe after my boobs are done healing we can talk about it.
"Right now I already make good money and I don't have to do boy-girl. For me to do it, it has to be worth it financially. You'd have to present me a sweet deal."
Luke: "How do you think it could affect your relationship?"
Lexxi: "I don't know. Derrick and I have talked about it. He said, 'Whatever you want to do, I'm fully supportive of it.' I'm sure there will always be a little jealousy on both ends. We can only see when it happens. I'm sure he's not going to want details, just like I don't care to hear details. I just want to know that he did his pop shot, he stayed hard, and he got paid.
"Derrick's preparing for my surgery. He's going to take time off to take care of me. He's going to nurse me back to health. He's a nurturing guy. He's a sweetheart who looks like an asshole."
Luke: "Everyone likes Derrick."
Lexxi: "The only time he gets mad is if you ---- with his money. He's a teddybear. He's a lover, not a fighter. He likes to think he is but he's not."
Luke: "You're more of a fighter."
Lexxi: "Yes, I am. I'm more feisty."
Luke: "You're more reserved. Derrick will talk to everybody."
Lexxi: "I always tell him, 'You're always trying to save the world, honey. F--- everyone. Don't worry about them.'
"I'm like a snake hiding in the bushes until you step on my tail."
Luke: "A lot of people in the industry are like puppy dogs. They want to be your best friend right away."
Lexxi: "Not me. I don't trust nobody. And if you break it, you're f-----."
Luke: "How many people in the industry do you trust?"
Lexxi: "Maybe two handfulls. I'm cool and I'm amicable with everybody but I don't talk to too many people about personal things."
I call the former candidate for California governor Tuesday afternoon. She's getting her hair extensions redone.
Mary: "I was in Chicago last week cohosting the Mancow show. Friday they had the Sin City girls on -- Hannah Harper and the other girl.
"Me and Hannah used to be good friends. We haven't hung out much.
"Before the show, Mancow told me that Sin City was upset about her coming while I was there too.
"The only thing she talked about was funny stories about me. We've had a lot of crazy moments together.
"I'll never get why a porn stars wants... Oh, I'm not going to say it."
Luke: "Say it."
Mary: "I get crazy in public and maybe that's classless but isn't it classless to take ten penises's come all over your face? Paris Hilton might be drunk but she doesn't do gangbangs. I don't get get [porn stars] pretending to be Princess Diana when really you're a porn star."
Luke: "Did you and Hannah have a falling out?"
Mary: "No. I've heard some things Sin City people have said about me.
"Hannah and I went to a basketball game in LA. We both were dressed up in outfits and distracting the players with signs I made. The [LA Times] newspaper article talks about me distracting the players. It doesn't mention [Hannah]. They didn't know who she was. You would've thought they would've mentioned that I had a blonde friend with big boobs.
"I always get a lot of attention. I don't know if they didn't like that."
I sing to Mary: "If you're classy and you know it, then your life will surely show it."
Mary: "I guess I can't clap my hands. If you're not classy, stomp your feet. I'm stomping my feet in the hair salon. I guess I've been having classless conversations in the hair salon. I'm always inappropriate here.
"I talked to Kendra. She says she has a girlfriend. It's her birthday tomorrow.
"Harold and I had a big fight in Chicago. He was annoyed with me doing the Mancow show every day. On Saturday he didn't want me to go on the trip to Peoria [with guys from the Mancow show who are always hitting on Mary]. Ten drunk guys and me and another girl from the show. I can see why he wouldn't like me going on that trip.
"The guys from the show are not particularly nice about Harold.
"When I came back to the hotel, he was renting pornos in the hotel. They were $24 each. He said he had to do research. If he really wants to see them, we can get free ones.
"He knew it would make me mad because I was making him mad by being drunk. He was showing me the emails I was sending him. I'd have to agree with him. They look like a drunk girl. My spelling was horrible.
"Harold found a disorder that I and many of the girls in the industry have. Girls who need attention all the time and they'll use their sexuality to get it.
"I went to a baseball game in Chicago. People told me they showed me on TV twice. I was looking around the stadium. I wasn't paying attention to the game. I just went to the game because I like the attention."
Luke: "Have you been reading anything good?"
Mary: "What do you think? I have a lot of books on Marilyn Monroe. If she was alive today, she'd be a porn star.
"On Wednesday I'm going to announce my running for governor. I'll start campaigning April 28."
Luke: "Do you have someone to organize it?"
Mary: "No, that's the thing that really sucks. When I was with Kick Ass, I didn't have to do much. They did everything. They had a bank account fund. They managed the website. They came up with speeches. I was just good at performing what they told me to do. At this last President Bush dinner, I realized how much they did for me. Mark Kulkis (owner of Kick Ass) did PR before he came into porn. He's very intelligent."
A porner writes me: "Hannah can't hang around with Mary because Mary pulls everyone down with [drinking etc]. She has done it to Hannah in the past and when she tries to separate herself from it, Mary calls her Princess Di. Hannah isn't thinking she's better. She's trying to stay sober."
Jack writes me: "I've never met Holly, but here's my take on her. She has been around beautiful models (10's) all of her life, as a kid and now, and she doesn't think she measures up to them, so she drinks, not realizing that she's a pretty girl and a lot of women would kill for her looks."
Joanna Angel and David Lee Roth Interview
Via MP3.
Did Kendra Jade Have Vaginal Reconstruction Surgery?
She looks different down there.
Kendra replies: "Whatttttttt??!!! Ewwwwwww..... NO!!!! Are you crazy ?"
Khunrum writes: "Luke, you're an investigative reporter. Investigate. Get to Kendra's vagina ASAP and seek the truth!"
Joanna Angel, savior of porn or queen of alt porn?
The new issue of Esquire UK calls her the former. The new issue of Spin calls her the latter.
Has anyone in the UK read the Esquire article yet? It doesn't come out over here in the States for a couple weeks but the preview picture and table of contents picture look great.
Also, giving Savanna Sampson a run for her money in the mainstream exposure arena, Ms. Angel is now the new sex columinst for Spin magazine. There's an article about her in the new issue and she's mentioned on the cover. The article is good. I think she's really intelligent, sexy and beautiful. In it she says she admires Nina Hartley and Jenna Jameson.
Plus, I searched this forum over the past year and I'm the first person to point out that she looks EXACTLY like Sarah Silverman?
Skronker writes:
A lot of the women who used to write for Spin are pissed off that the new management fired Sia Michel, one of the only women editors of a national pop music publication ever (my pal Danyel and another person whose name escapes me, being the others), and then they bring in Joanna as a "columnist." Not to knock Joanna, but basically what's gonna happen is Spin's going to turn into a "lad" mag aimed at 14-year-olds -- not that Spin had a lot to offer in recent years, but they did try to have meaningful content (oddly enough, a Suicide Girls expose was one recently) and cover culture intelligently.
I think the "alt" thing is fun, but no one should really make too much of it. By this time next year, you can bet it will have fizzled. I'm very much a fan of her site, and the idea of female self-visualization and sexual expression, etc. Hope she can make the most of the hype train ...
Penthouse Buys Jill Kelly Assets at Auction
WOODLAND HILLS, Calif. — Outbidding Playboy, New Frontier Media and XGen LLC, Penthouse agreed to pay $1.765 million at a bankruptcy court auction for the major assets of Jill Kelly Productions.
Gia Jordan Admits She's 34
JMT writes:
What a weird thread that turned into. The guys that post on that board - who incessantly deride the "lying whores" in the porn business, and the supposedly obsequious "fanboys" and fascist moderators on other sites - completely overlook the fact that Gia lied outrageously about her age (shaving *a decade* is a pretty big lie when you're only 34) AND misused her power as a site mod to try to cover up the lie; instead, they trip all over themselves telling her that she's hot (which she is, but that's beside the point), and go off on a "blame Luke" tangent.
Did you see the post she erased? I did. I think I followed a link on your site to a thread there in which someone made a backhanded reference to her being 25, and someone else had posted "she hasn't been 25 since 1996," or something to that effect. I thought, "hmm, that's interesting," but when I went back to the thread later, the comment was gone, and there were no references to it. She must have nuked it pretty fast.
She's probably too smart/cagey to give you a real interview, but it would be interesting to know what led her to go into porn at that age. (Ditto Dana Vespoli.)
Live-Blogging My VH1 Appearance
My friend caught the East Coast feed three hours before me.
ChaimAmalek: Did any bleeders rub up against you at your seders?
Luke: I hope so
ChaimAmalek: Were there openly gay men at these events?
Luke: yes
ChaimAmalek: Did they make passes at you?
ChaimAmalek: Or are you too old for that?
ChaimAmalek: You know, in a few weeks, most women you don't know will
think that the reason you never married is that you are gay.
ChaimAmalek: I know how you will respond. You will withdraw into the one
world that understands you. ----.
ChaimAmalek: Do you want me to lobby Holly to throw a big party for you?
Luke: no, have pride
ChaimAmalek: Pride is for lions.
ChaimAmalek: There might even be a pity ---- in it for you
ChaimAmalek: You have nothing to lose.
ChaimAmalek: From what one can read in the press, Irans efforts to build
an industrial base for the manufacture of atomic weapons is very impressive.
And likely would be very hard to knock out.
ChaimAmalek: But I still don't think they will nuke Israel. The odds of
that are no better than 40%
Luke: are you watching me on VH1 right now?
ChaimAmalek: did I miss you?
ChaimAmalek: when are you up?
ChaimAmalek: Why aren't you more of a success?
ChaimAmalek: Shouldn't you have more to show for your forty years on this
earth?
ChaimAmalek: I hate to watch this nonsense for a full 40 minutes, and
I missed the first 20.
ChaimAmalek: JUST HEARD YOUR VOICE "sex has always been bla bla form of
extortion" but no pic of you
ChaimAmalek: you in red tie
ChaimAmalek: white shirt
Luke: how do I look?
ChaimAmalek: bill mahr crap
ChaimAmalek: Not that good.
ChaimAmalek: But i did get a hardon
ChaimAmalek: Your tie is not tight.
ChaimAmalek: No suit
ChaimAmalek: Slovenly appearance. To lackadaisical
ChaimAmalek: Plus this black chick is nasty
ChaimAmalek: OK, you look ok
ChaimAmalek: LA-ish
ChaimAmalek: Not New Yorky
ChaimAmalek: You are racking up time now. Louis Anderson
ChaimAmalek: Fag rumors, etc.
ChaimAmalek: Very serious looking
ChaimAmalek: This should get you laid by young white shiksas.
ChaimAmalek: You need to make a tape
ChaimAmalek: You on extortion...once you pay...you never know when they
will reappear.
ChaimAmalek: What's with the star of david?
ChaimAmalek: Looming in the background.
ChaimAmalek: And why weren't you wearing pants?
ChaimAmalek: What exactly did they tell you they wanted from you in advance?
Luke: they gave me a few pages
Luke: I memorized my facts and moralized it and spit it back
Luke: I tried to shine the light of Torah
ChaimAmalek: Is there are place more in need of light that the haredi
communities of Brooklyn, where rabbis suck baby boy penis?
Luke: Would you say I am the moral center of this piece?
ChaimAmalek: Lashon horah [gossip] has no moral center.
ChaimAmalek: Why weren't you wearing a yarmulke?
ChaimAmalek: This would have been a golden opportunity for you to witness
to the goyim.
ChaimAmalek: You just don't have confidence in your belief in God or in
Judaism.
Luke: As long as this gets me laid
ChaimAmalek: Yes, it will.
ChaimAmalek: You can get laid by Liza Minelli, if you want it bad enough.
You looked a little soft in those shots. Puffy. Like a man who had spent
the previous night drinking heavily. Too many shiksas for you. They are
ruining your health. Time for you to settle down with a fabulous woman
your own age and watch one another grow old together. You can look at
pics of her taken from when she was young and hot, close your eyes and
imagine. Yes, you can think about all the men who got to ---- her back
when she was young. I will do anything to win your soul over to Jesus.
I am a pimp for Christ.
Rob writes: "Luke could nail Liza and wind up on easy street. Compared to that David Guest guy, Luke looks like a green beret."
Khunrum writes: "Liza's first hubby was an Aussie. I saw him in a club here many years ago. A total swisher. Do you think she goes for gay Aussies?"
Rob writes: "Peter Allen. He made Luke look like Rocco Siffredi."
Brian writes me: "I knew you were Jewish but I never knew you were British. Wait a minute. Judaism. British accent. You're not just a big Madonna fan are you? Is there a Catholic dancer from Michigan inside of you dying to get out?"
Frequently Asked Questions For Lukeisback.com
* What is the point of Lukeisback?
It illuminates man's search for meaning.
* Why don't you seem to allow profanity in your site, or at least in your interviews?
I don't like it.
* Will you help me get a job in porn?
No.
* Will you help me meet a certain porn star?
No.
* Will you give me contact information for a certain porn star?
No.
* Will you help me in any way?
Probably not. Certainly not if you don't spell and punctuate correctly. I tend only to answer email that is spelled and punctuated correctly. I have no personal interest in porn. That was exhausted years ago. If you are an interesting person who's well-read, then we can hang out and talk about things aside from porn.
* Are you on MySpace
Yes.
* I'm a hot young chick and I'd really like to hook up with you.
I'm sorry but I don't find that spiritually nourishing.
* Why is there a www.lukeford.com website?
It was once mine, but I sold it August 8, 2001 when I left the industry for over a year.
* Have you published any books?
Yes.
* Do you hate porn?
I feel many things towards the porn industry and hatred and love are among them. There is no human emotion that is foreign to me, including emotions towards porn. My main attitude is that of a reporter trying to describe what he sees and hears.
* Do you write about anything aside from porn?
Yes. Lukeford.net.
* Do you have any friends in porn?
Not really. Porn friends are rarely real friends because so few people last in porn.
* I am a male/female - how do I get into the biz?
* What does your religious affiliation have to do with your website/reporting/commentary?
It's probably not appropriate but I stick it in there anyway.
* Who is Chaim Amalek?
He's like a part of myself that I want to deny.
Lee writes:
I'm curious if you have ever considered directing your considerable talent in reporting to more "mainstream" projects? After awhile Porn seems to be very mundane. Also, the industry appears to have seemingly few successful players and a ton of those who are not. Not much in between is rather clear. I guess with all the money going to the top, there is a considerable case of human misery towards the actors in the business. It does have humor at times though. You're facination seems to be unique.
I have two books out that have nothing on porn, and Lukeford.net which has next to nothing on porn. So I'm always trying to develop enough of a mainstream career so I do not need to write about porn.
Mondays With Holly
Movie of Holly Randall's Secret Garden, yes she read that Nancy Friday book, I direct the bitch and make her to shake it for my audience Holly munches on cilantro Holly Holly Holly Movie of Holly with her dog Poe and her big ass Honey Bear
1:15 p.m. She shows me her vegetable garden. I love it when she takes on wholesome hobbies. It's such a change from the pornographic filth that normally fills her depraved existence.
Then she takes me to lunch at Lula's on Main St in Santa Monica. It's where we ate on Oct 30 before we first did the deed.
Holly again orders shrimp fajitas. I again order a vegetarian tostada.
"Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs Randall?" I think.
I tease her about the low intellectual level of posters to her MySpace page and suze.net Holly forum.
Since buying her new Volvo SUV, Holly does not like being driven. Not on the road anyway. She has an S-M thing in her personal life, which makes her a better fetish photographer, she says.
She shows me photos of her shoots with Charlie Laine and Lexxi Tyler as well as Angie Savage and Alektra Blue. I understand that some men find these things erotic but I'd rather dive into a good book.
"Holly shoots violence against women is my headline," I say as I look at her photo shoot.
"It's all in good fun," Holly claims.
Lexxi has taken a nipple clamp to Charlie's vagina.
I ask Holly how she would like that done to her.
She wouldn't.
That's one of the rare things that hasn't been done to her.
Luke: "How could you choose to have that done to someone else?"
Holly: "Because I'm a pervert. Lexxi presents Charlie with a tray of toys and Charlie has to pick her punishment. She picks the clamp."
Luke: "So it's got a story?"
Holly: "Yeah. That's why I like shooting fetish. It always has some kind of story.
"I said let's use the clamp on her nipples and Charlie says, use it on my pussy, it doesn't hurt at all. I thought it would be painful."
Holly loves a photo where the two girls look in the mirror. "My whole thing here -- Look at yourself in the mirror, bitch," says Holly, channeling Lexxi Tyler. "Look at what a whore you are. I'm going to beat you up. It's hot."
I can see Holly's getting worked up and I start praying to God that I can leave her house with my newfound chastity intact. What would I ever say to my wife on my wedding day if I were weak now?
Luke: "Where do you find meaning in your work?"
Holly: "This shoot. Emma did the make-up. Angie Savage looked amazing. Alektra Blue looked at these pictures after I had taken them and was so excited about how good she looked. She said, 'I've always wanted to model since I was a little girl and this is the first time I've ever looked the way I've envisioned I look.
"She was was so excited about the way she looked, for me that's the best part."
Luke: "Does it matter when you cut off their elbow [in a shot]?"
Holly: "Oh yeah, that's a bad shot. This is not edited."
Luke: "How do you bring out her [Alektra's] inner beauty like that?"
Holly laughs. "Make her feel confident and sexy."
Luke: "How do you do that?"
Holly: "Make them look good with an excellent make-up job and lighting and styling."
Luke: "Did you do your own lighting on this?"
Holly: "Did I do it myself?"
Luke: "No, you had an assistant."
Holly: "Yeah, this is a full day."
Luke: "On a content exchange?"
Holly: "I have an assistant. I did it that one time with Aimee Sweet and it killed me. If I'm going to shoot five sets in a day, I'm going to need help. But we sit there and contemplate the way we're going to light it together."
Luke: "So you have ideas too about lighting?"
Holly: "Yes, I do. Screw you! I know what I'm doing, dickwad!"
She punches me.
She punches like her mother.
Luke: "That's not what I read on this thread."
Holly: "That is [bad word].
"Anyone who's a professional photographer knows that you have to have an assistant."
Luke: "Who's that?"
Holly: "Angie Savage. I made her get [an artificial] tan."
Luke: "What else did you make her do that she's never done before? Did you make her do that pose?"
I point to one where she's spreading her legs.
Holly: "Yes, she's never done that before. This is a centerfold for High Society."
Luke: "How about working with children?"
Holly: "I already have. They're a pain in the ass."
Luke: "Where did she get those tits?"
Holly: "I don't know her doctor."
Luke: "What do you think she's thinking about when she's posing like that?"
Angie has her mouth and legs open.
Holly: "She's thinking if she's looking good and what she'll have for dinner tonight."
Luke: "That's not what I'm thinking about with her picture."
Holly: "Well, that's all I have to show you."
Subtext: Get the hell out of my house, creep!
I see a photo that reminds me of something.
I email Holly's dad Mr Knipe:
I was telling Holly today that one of her photos reminded me of that infamous Hustler cover of a woman being fed into a meatgrinder. She said you came up with that cover.
In retrospect, are you proud or ashamed of that cover? What were you thinking? What were the circumstances? Did you say it as a joke and someone (who?) ran with it?
Humphry replies:
It was my idea, yes. Bruce David told me that Larry was looking for a cover to illustrate the idea that Hustler would no longer "hang women up women like pieces of meat."
He invited me to come up with an idea. Into my ever vivid imagination popped this image (I'm a leg man, you see). It was published as the Hustler June 1978 cover (attached). Irony almost a sweet as Swift's "A Modest Proposal."
A lot of women didn't get the joke - hordes of them milled around outside the Hustler offices with posters deploring it. My 15 minutes of infamy!
Holly's mom Suze Randall has been nominated for a FAME Best Director award, even though she hasn't directed a movie since the 1980s. Isn't America a great country?
Jack writes:
I was never a big fan and never really understood her appeal, but apparently she was HUGE in the 50's and posed for Irving Klaw's pin up and bondage magazines which went under (due to Senate hearings) about the time Hefner's Playboy was launched.
You probably know that Klaw's magazines didnt have any nudity, but had the girls playfully tying up each other and it seems pretty innocent today. She posed for this female photographer named Bunny Yeager (for Playboy) which sorta reminded me of Holly Randall.
BTW, how is it that Hefner has never gotten in trouble for porn, even in the 50's? Did he pay people off?
Rob Spallone Courts HBO
Sam Williams writes for XBiz.com:
It's the Tuesday before Valentine's Day, and Rob Spallone is a busy man. Apart from the seasonal challenges of balancing life and looking after his kids with his alimony-reduced income, there's also the usual porn production logistics. Ever in search for the next high-concept title, Spallone, the head of one of the industry's most reliable gonzo shops, Star World Productions, fields half a dozen calls from eager-to-work talent in the midst of a 30-minute telephone interview.
"I shoot a movie a week," Spallone says after asking the second caller to call back in two weeks' time.
Penthouse TV Launches In June
Jim English, who formerly ran Playboy TV, is running the show. Gary Gray aka Helmet Cam Man [a former show on Playboy TV] is head of production. I saw him running around the AEE in Vegas in January with a bunch of Penthouse Pets.
The former Playboy TV producer calls me back Sunday. "I've gotten to work with some of these newer HD cameras and they're everything you'd expect them to be. I'm making a movie now with the Panasonic HVX200, a $5500 camera. You shoot on chips, not tape. It's data that goes into the computer and you edit.
"I'm producing an improv comedy called Soup of the Day. There are a couple of parts that require brief topless nudity ala Wedding Crashers. We auditioned a bunch of Adult girls. Thursday we shot Ashley Steele. She was phenomenal.
"Soup of the Day is about a guy who is simultaneously dating three women. It's an unscripted improv movie. Having experience in Adult films contributes to that.
"Ashley had a mainstream day. She played a waitress. She went toe-to-toe with seasoned improv actors and held her own -- guys from the Groundlings, Improv Olympics...
"We auditioned Sunny Lane. We found her interesting and we'll probably be writing parts for her.
"Scott Zakarin is the director. The leads are Jon Crowley, Catherine Reitman and Tina Molina.
"We're trying to shoot two days a week for eight weeks.
"We have a next-level of indie porn chick now. The more entrepreneurial girls. Juli Ashton had [manager] Lucky Smith on her side making merchandising and other deals. Ashley's approach to the business is entrepreneurial and marketing-oriented. She's marketing her whole image, not just being a girl for hire."
Did Suze Randall ever do porn?
No. She posed nude a few times but never had sex on camera.
Nietzsche writes on ADT: "I want to see her daughter Holly in some serious American Bukkake or Gag Factor action. She's prime stroke material."
Junglew writes: "I have never seen any...hardcore photos of Susie although she does bear a remarkable likeness to Aunt Peg of the 80's but no cake. The photo quality of Suze's movies is remarkable. The hair, makeup and attention to details in the models is amazing."
Cumwhipper writes: "After seeing pics of Holly, I must concur with your sentiments. I realize that you have squatter's rights, but can you please save some real estate on that gorgeous visage for my pearly white love bullets?"
Holly Randall writes on ADT:
First of all, thanks everyone for the compliments. I can't think of a better way to make a woman feel all warm and gushy inside than to offer up spraying your knuckle babies all over her face. Seriously though, I'm flattered.
As for my mom, no she's never performed sexually in a porn film, but I do believe she played a game show host on one of her 80s flicks-- Miss Passion, I think? She's sporting a blue mohawk and has a dildo for a microphone, I believe. I just remember my brother and I falling over laughing when we discovered that one. When I was a little girl I couldn't figure out why my mom had dyed and styled her hair so strangely, but now it all makes sense.
But as far as stills go, Suze shot herself nude for Playboy and then again for Hustler years later. These issues come up on Ebay every once in a while -- I have a couple copies of the Playboy one, but the Hustler layout is a bit too raunchy for me to keep around the house.
Why living in the U.K. sucks for porn
I was just checking out the latest R18 cuts and found this.
Look at the Information for the movie Pirates. See how much they cut out? WTF. Those Victorian twats.
Patrick writes: "My favorite is from Belladonna: My Ass is Haunted - "blasphemous activity." I guess it´s still the year 1600 in the UK."
Great Site Ranking in Google The Secret's Out
Google recently filed a US patent which reveals a great deal of how they rank your web site. Some of it you could never have guessed at...
Gia Gordan Admits She's 34
After deleting posts that mention her real age is 34, Gia Jordan, who usually claims an age of 25 in her interviews, posts on XPT:
I am 34.
And guess what else? Gia Jordan isn't my real name either.
My age has never been a secret in the industry, but I always listed my my birth year as 1980 in bios and bts interviews. Everyone told me that I looked 23 when I started in the industry in 2003, so it made sense to keep my published age consistant with my appearance. We're in the entertainment industry; age discrimination exists. I created a stage age just as I created a stage name. Producers and directors might have been reluctant to hire someone my age, but then they met me and it was never an issue. Sure, it may have been a mistake to create an alternate age for myself, but I feel that it was a professional decision which worked out to my benefit in the end.
Former Sex.com Owner Gary Kremen Sues ARIN (American Registry for Internet Numbers)
This lawsuit flows out of Gary's victorious sex.com battle.
Brujah summarizes on GFY: "Kremen wants the old Netblock IPs that Cohen used. ARIN wouldn't transfer them. Kremen feels without them, his google rankings aren't as good as they would have been if he had more IPs for his 5000 domains. Kremen wants his pound of flesh."
I'm reading Paul Theroux's novel The Mosquito Coast. It's terrific. The movie should've been terrific. It was directed by Peter Weir. But it doesn't work. Sorta like the relationship I had with the woman I took to this movie in my 1966 VW Bug on the evening of Jan. 1, 1986.
We both worked at this AM/FM radio station in the Sacramento area.
I was 19. She was about 29 and the married but separated mother of a toddler.
My station was covering a basketball tournament at my former highschool. I felt like a big shot as I walked around. I got more respect then than I ever got while in highschool.
The woman flirted with me. She'd only come to the tournament at my invitation.
She was hot. She was sexy. She was brunette.
She confided in me about her marital troubles and why she was getting divorced.
She told me to call her when I got back to the station that night.
I called. She invited me to the apartment.
It was New Year's Eve.
All evening I'd been sure I was about to lose my virginity.
Because of my nerves, I kept drinking water.
When I got to her apartment, my hands were like ice (because my adrenalin was pumping, my blood had pooled around my heart and fled from my extremities). I had to keep using her bathroom. I tried to warm my hands under the hot water. It didn't work.
We watched Dick Clark's New Year's celebration on TV. I had no interest in the TV program but I had every interest in losing my virginity.
She checked to make sure her baby is asleep. She put on dance music. Then she stripped for me.
I was awed. No woman had done this for me. The furthest I'd gone with a woman was briefly rubbing her breast over her clothing at an INXS concert in the summer of 1985.
"What do you think?" she asked after her strip show.
"You're amazing," I stuttered.
I lay on the couch. She jumped on me.
I turned her around and went right for her breasts with my hands of ice. She screamed and moved me off.
I got no further.
The next night I took her to Mosquito Coast but all I got at the end of the night was a chaste peck on the cheek.
We'd earlier made plans to have dinner at my place Friday night (my parents were out of town). I had asked several of my friends about the risk of heterosexual AIDS. I was sure this evening, this Sabbath evening, would end my unwanted virgnity.
She left a message with a vague reason for not making it.
In reply, I left her a message of sexual yearning.
At the radio station Monday morning, she pulled me aside and said her husband heard my message and that he had a gun and he's looking for me because he wants to kill me.
I never met her husband. I never have sex with her. In fact, I don't have sex for more than three years. It's eight years until I have my second sexual partner. Then in a year I had about 20.
I say I respect women and value them for their values and conversation and all that, but unless I exclusively penetrate a woman I want, I can't bear to spend that much time with her.
Kaiser writes:
Nice piece on Mosquito Coast. I like it's tranquil quality and how it speaks inherently of the solace and order that time provides. Retrospection allows an almost voyeuristic enjoyment of ones own life. With one or two exceptions, even my most troubled times are pleasant to revisit through the buffer of wisdom and ticking clocks.
I have never watched the movie (Mosquito Coast). I hear it is disappointing so did not bother. I was lucky enough to get to know Peter Weir a little and liked him very much. I have a soft spot for his movies based on this personal bias so maybe one day I will get around to it.
Did you get to spend any time with Theroux's son (Louis) during his time in LA? I remember a great Porn feature that he did which included time with "icons" such as Rob Black.
Yes, I had lunch with Louis and spoke to him on the phone many times. I love his father's writing and I look forward to reading Louis's forthcoming book.
I Read A Novel That Reminds Me Of Holly
Binnie Kirshenbaum writes in A Disturbance in One Place about a married woman who carries on simultaneous affairs with a professor, a multi-media artist and the love of her life:
If there is one thing I excel at, it is giving head. I give good head. No, I give great head. I'm a professional when it comes to performing oral sex.
...Giving great head compensates for giving a lousy hand-job.
...He moans, and my mouth, open, wet, and eager, swoops over him.
How gratifying to have my praises sung! Cries of ecstasy! He pleads for me to stop, to go, more, oh please, and his eyes roll back in his head. "I can't hold it, babe," he says, and his gob jets into my mouth. I swallow, and it shimmies down my esophagus the way an oyster would. Like the oyster, it, too, is an acquired taste.
...Find a husband who is absorbed with his career, with a sport, or with a mistress.
Adultery is next to impossible if your husband is like a pet ferret, snooping, sniffing, curious. Also, it won't work if your husband is possessive and insecure.
Find a husband with a cold streak.
Keep your adultery clean, your stories streamlined.