Monday, February 20, 2006
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Editor Mike Ramone. I hear that from people employed at AVN and from people who've been fired from AVN. They say Mike works hard, is professional, straight-forward, and easy to get along with. Peter Warren seems to have the most porn chicks. Dan Miller and his sniffles and his paper bags is the most mysterious. Don't accuse me of engaging in inscrutable Asian stereotypes.
Christian Mann comments: "High praise... you have the most porn chicks of any AVN staffer... that's like having the most supermodel girlfriends at the Star Trek convention."
Tiana Lynn, Peter, Cytherea
Brandon Irons writes: "Hillary Scott and I really enjoyed it a lot. I had seen it about 10 years ago and thought it was more powerful when she commits suicide at the end with a sword. Up in the balcony in this version, it appeared as though she just died by will alone."
Christy Canyon and Felix Vicious Sign For Paradise Visuals - Pictures
On Saturday, February 18, Hollywood Book, in association with Paradise Visuals, hosted porn legend Christy Canyon and the new face of Paradise Visuals, Felix Vicious, for a special DVD signing.
Mary Carey, Tawny Roberts Party In Florida
Mary calls me Saturday at 8:41 pm. She screams into the phone.
"It's the real Luke," she tells Tawny. "Not Scott Fayner.
"I'm sure you want to know about the peeing on the boyfriend's clothes."
"Yes."
"It did happen. But he stole my cell phone. I started saying, 'I love Tawny Roberts. I love Tawny Roberts.' He said, 'F--- you then.' He took my cell phone and left me alone in my hotel room. I wanted to get back at him. So I lined up his clothes on the couch and peed on them. Then I put his shoes in the toilet and pooped on them. Then I gathered the rest of his clothes and told the people that they could take his clothes.
"But then we made up. I love my Harold. Harold and I are going to get married on the airplane.
"Harold's in a bad mood.
"I'm shooting my second movie for Legend on Tuesday, the 28th.
"I proposed to Tawny Roberts on the Mancow show. I was broken up with Harold for an hour or two. I thought he tried to hook up with Tawny in the car, but he didn't."
Tawny: "It was a joke."
Mary: "Do you want to talk to the rich guy whose house we're staying at? His name is Darren. He's really funny."
"OK."
Mary: "I've known him for years. He flies me and my friends in to hang out.
"Darren, this is Luke. He's the biggest gossip writer in porn."
Tawny: "Love you, Luke."
Luke: "Thank you, Tawny."
Darren: "I have my hands full. It's good and bad. I'm surrounded by drama. They get really belligerent come 5 a.m., and I have to sleep and run a business."
Luke: "Why do you put up with it?"
Darren: "I don't know. I think they leave Sunday."
Mary laughs. "He wants us to leave. No, you love us."
Darren: "I've been reading your website for years. Your girlfriend is [Taylor Rain]."
Tawny: "I'm doing great. I'm doing saki bombs. You're not Scott Fayner.
"I fired Devon because she sucks."
Mary: "Be careful. He prints everything."
Tawny: "She doesn't suck really. She's a really good friend of mine. There was a lot of drama. Why am I paying her eight grand a month to do girl-girl scenes when we haven't shot anything?"
Mary: "She just gave me the phone. I have creamed cheese, avocado, cucumber rolls. Oh, you tell him how I lost weight, Tawny."
Tawny: "She looks great."
Luke: "Did she lose the weight through drugs?"
Tawny: "No. How dare you even say that? Everybody parties in this industry."
Mary: "We party the least of anyone. All we do is drink."
Tawny: "If anything, she's gained weight because of alcohol."
Mary: "I'm just an alcoholic. Tell him I'm just an alcoholic."
Tawny: "She's an alcoholic."
Harold: "I'm sitting here enjoying my dinner. Eating sushi."
Luke: "How's all the craziness?"
Harold: "It's a little too crazy right now. Tawny mixed with Mary is too much. They don't sleep. Their bodies don't shut down and I don't know why."
Tawny: "Lukeisback? I swear to God that if you print anything bad about me, I will come over there and kill you."
Mary: "He's really nice. He never called me fat. He always liked me.
"People get mad at you. I tell everyone, 'All he does is report the truth, what's said by other people.' You never give any input.
"Me and Tawny kept Harold up until 8 a.m. We were on the boat all day yesterday. We drank and partied. Then we went to these nightclubs with my friend from highschool.
"We left around 5 a.m. We've got to get up early [Sunday]. We've got to relax tonight. I have to have a big bite. Hold on.
"Tawny's my best girlfriend and Harold's my best boyfriend.
"I became really psychotic around 8 a.m., and I started demanding the password to Harold's phone. At 9 a.m., I took a xanax and dropped out.
"Tawny just tried to pick up a sushi roll and she knocked everything over. Tawny is the skinniest girl on earth and she eats so much food."
Tawny: "Luke, if you write anything bad about me, I'm going to f--- you up."
I talk to Darren.
Luke: "Do you think porn is changing Mary?"
Darren: "Oh yeah. She looks like the stereotypical porn star now. She lost the weight. She got the boobs done. I thought she was better before.
"They're dancing in a restaurant.
"She's running for governor again. She's doing it without Mark Kulkis, a marketing genius."
Mary to Tawny: "We're trying to get you signed with Legend."
Tawny: "I'm not signing with anybody."
Harold: "It's so embarrassing right now. Everybody in the restaurant is watching Mary and Tawny hump each other."
Luke: "Are you the only sober person there?"
Harold: "Darren's pretty sober. He's had a few shots of saki. He just doesn't sound sober because he's a pretty slow guy."
Luke: "How's your relationship with Mary these days?"
Harold: "It's good except for when she gets belligerent. Two, three a.m. is when I want to shut down and she wants to keep going and that's when the fights start. The last time, I couldn't take her. I left the hotel. I took her cell phone. She messed my clothes up. I have no clothes left. She destroyed the hotel room. The only thing she didn't destroy was my $2,500 suit. She didn't destroy that because she didn't know it was in the closet. Then, the other night, she took the suit and launched it into the ocean from Darren's house."
Mary: "The reason I did that was because Tawny and him were gone for four hours. They went to pick her up at the airport and they weren't answering their phones. He was joking about Tawny. I thought they hooked up. I was jealous. I threw his stuff in the ocean."
Harold: "We were only gone two hours. We've been having a good time in Florida. Clubs have been telling us that she broke Tera Patricks' numbers.
"I don't get these girls, why their bodies don't shut down. They just keep drinking. Especially Tawny. They don't throw up. Tawny slept for about three hours on the boat. When she woke up, she had this surge of energy and started taking shots.
"Do you hear them screaming? We're at an ordinary restaurant. A family environment. And they're sitting here screaming. No children around. Older couples."
Mary: "Can we have another large saki?
"They're going to kick us out of here. They kicked us out of PF Changs a couple of days ago. Darren, are we in trouble? I want a cigarette.
"I was wandering through this restaurant in Miami and people were saying, 'I voted for you, Mary Carey.'
"I went to a Jewish private school. My best friend Liz is this rich Jewish girl in Boca Raton. I brought her out with Tawny yesterday. At first they didn't get along, but at the end of the night, they were best friends.
"We like Jewish people. I'm going to marry you and convert."
Mary and Tawny sing me a song as practice for their appearance at Porn Star Karaoke.
Mary: "What do you think, Luke?"
Luke: "Amazing."
Harold: "It's so embarrassing Luke."
Mary: "I'm going on the Wankus show but don't tell anyone.
"Me and Wankus and Tyler Faith hung out on Sunday night. I was going to pay them to stay and not leave but I couldn't access my money in time.
"I didn't use to like Wankus for a long time because he was always mean."
Mary says Adam Levine, lead singer for Maroon 5, is calling.
Mary: "Luke, are you enjoying this? Is this going to be funny?"
Luke: "Yes."
Mary: "Tawny, don't swing sushi at me."
Harold: "We went to a Clippers game [last November]. They were being belligerent. They were walking around Staples Center. Lots of attention. Tawny got mad at Mary and completely drenched her in water. Mary wanted to get her back, so she ripped her shirt open. Tawny's walking around Staples Center in a bra. She slips and falls and lies on the ground."
Mary: "Here's some gossip about Jesse Jane [who married Tawny's ex-boyfriend]."
The following gossip is unsubstantiated and I present it purely for entertainment purposes. I make no warranty for its accuracy. Normally drugs and porn go together like meat and milk.
Tawny: "So I heard from a lot of friends that they were rolling on their wedding. Doing drugs, Ecstasy on their wedding."
Luke: "That's no good."
Tawny: "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I love Jesse. Jesse's a great girl."
Mary: "Harold said no more drinking.
"We can't call the police. Me and Harold have domestic disputes. We could both press charges against each other. So we never end up getting charges pressed."
Tawny tells Mary about me: "He's asking too many questions."
Luke: "What's the name of Tawny's company?"
Tawny: "African-American. I want to do interracial."
Mary: "Don't talk about interracial, Tawny. We don't do interracial."
Tawny: "In my personal life, maybe, but not on film."
Mary: "I was doing the NBA players and she would never do an NBA player. Then I said, 'Just try it.' She tried it and now she's hooked."
Tawny: "You never go back."
Mary: "I went back to Harold, but Harold looks half-black.
"Do you like talking to us? Are we fun?"
Luke: "Yes."
Tawny: "If you make me out to be bad, I swear to God that I am going to hunt you down..."
Mary: "Don't say that."
Tawny: "Please don't talk bad about me. Promise?"
Luke: "I'll be fair. I'll treat you like I treat Mary."
Mary: "He tells the truth."
Tawny: "I don't want any negging."
Darren: "I'm exhausted. They don't let me sleep. I'm a doctor. I have a tough work week. Friday I had to bring Mary and Tawny to the office because I was too worried about what was going to happen to my house. She was fighting with her boy. I had a room full of patients. They were drinking wine in my office. Mary's fighting on the phone with her boyfriend. I don't think I lost any patients."
Mary says that both she and Tawny have xanax prescriptions "because we're both crazy. I can't sleep unless I take medication.
"Let me answer this call. It's my ex-husband."
Mary calls back at 1:49 p.m. Sunday. "I read the nice things Devinn Lane said about me and I wanted to say some nice things about her and have her get in contact with me. You can give her my number. I think she's nothing but smart and charismatic also."
Mary's having dinner with her mom. She puts her on the phone.
"Hello?" she says and I immediately pick up that something is not quite right with her.
"What do you think of Mary Carey?" I ask.
"She's fantastic. She's wonderful."
"How did you adjust to her becoming a porn star?"
"It's all right. I never cared that much. I wasn't mad about it."
Mary: "Tell him about Dolly Parton."
Mom: "I like Dolly Parton and I like women who are good looking, sexy, and take care of themselves."
Luke: "Have you seen any changes in her since she got into the porn industry?"
Mom: "Yes. And they're all for the best. They're all for the good.
"We're celebrating my birthday two weeks late at the Red Lobster. I'm 53."
Mary: "You look pretty."
Mom: "She's a good daughter. She buys me stuff. She helps me out financially. She does everything. No way could I want a better daughter."
Mary: "Hey Luke, isn't she cute?"
Luke: "Yeah."
Harold: "It was a good night last night. Everyone got to sleep early, after we got off the phone with you."
Mary: "You threw my shoes in the ocean."
Harold: "In the morning I looked for my toiletries. It was gone. She threw that away. I thought about how much stuff she threw away. I got so mad, I had to throw something of her's away. I just grabbed her shoes and threw them real quick from the balcony to the ocean. Nothing compared to what she destroyed of mine."
Mary orders garlic cheeserolls and mozerella sticks and a glass of chardonet. Her mom leaves for the bathroom.
Luke: "Is your mom in good health?"
Mary: "She's in great health. She's just mentally handicapped. We're not quite sure what's wrong.
"I took her to the most expensive restaurant in Boca Raton for Thanksgiving but she likes Red Lobster."
The Most Magical Day Of Ashley Blue's Life
On Friday I truly felt like a porn star. We shot another installment of the series "White Trash Whore." The location was at an authentic tweeker shack, which had no indoor plumbing, and yet fully equipped with surveillance cameras all around the junk yard property. I had to pee into the trash can, which was already empty since all of the trash had been dumped out on the dirt floor. When it came time for my d.p., all of the black men started to show up and serenade us by rapping into the security cameras. Then one of the crew members farted. We could have all died if any of the crack pipe torches were on. However, no one died (except inside) and I am still picking glass chards out of my spine, due to all that pile-driver pleasure that I received that awesome day. The movie will be an instant classic!
I Made Up Monstar
At some point, Luke was a fanboy to have gotten into his current gig, and he's become so feared, hated, and avoided by the industry he can't go back and ever expect to interview girls without some agent telling them "be careful" or "australian go home before i punch you". So luke created an alter-ego, a batgirl to his bruce wayne, one that can mingle and frolic with pornstars without being shunned or feared. all it took was some makeup and some black chick's hairpeice that was forgotten in rob spallone's lost and found.they're roughly the same height, both have nosejobs, etc. Holly Randall was in on this from day one, she does the makeup for "monstar", you can tell she knows by the number of pictures she appears in, usually acting just as affectionate or more so with "monstar" than luke. i think she likes Luke in drag better than real Luke. This is a terrible, shameful sham of a bad idea, but a great ploy to make them both deny this.
Do you think shooting porn is the road to riches?
If you're thinking shooting porn is the road to riches or even to making a living read this, it might save you some money and time.
I would like to state this is to help those who are determined to become porn producers and deter those who think it's easy.
Firstly, porn is a saturated market. The last figures I heard for the US was 16,000 videos released in a year, that's over 44 a day. An average magazine every month receives 10 times the amount of content they need.
The Internet is probably the least saturated section but look around at some of the prices people are working for. People are offering content to us at prices we cannot produce it for, we don't buy it because we know we can't sell it. Because the bottom of the market is flooded.
So if you're still determined to follow read on.
First decide what niche to shoot, you need to know something about the niche as those buying it, the surfer, will definitely have a clue, there is no niche called "Crap Pornography". Research, research and research again. Then learn about what you researched.
Buy decent equipment, otherwise you will look like an amateur to the models and your work will suffer. The better your cameras and lights the better your work will turn out. Crisper, cleaner, better lit, better color balanced, in focus images or video will sell. Content shot on cheap equipment is everywhere and being practically given away most of the time.
If you don't have a budget of $5,000 minimum for equipment forget about it. Even that budget is pushing it.
Now learn how to use the equipment. The new digital photography age makes life so easy. There is absolutely no excuse for out of focus, poorly lit and bad color pictures. Calling it amateur is not an excuse.
So now you know your niche and equipment. Next is your market. Take some time to research it look at what people at the top are publishing. You will never enter the market at this level, this is where you're aiming for. Be very careful what you post or email, because people will start to ask to see samples.
Next stop is models and this is the tough part. Where are they going to come from, what kind of models can you find, what will they do, what will they want to earn? All these factors need to be resolved where you are, not asking me about how I do it. Models in Czech will do more, do it better and be more plentiful than models in Afghanistan or even New York, they also tend to be better looking. Your models situation will need to be resolved by you locally.
Learning how to make a model who is only there for the money and with no intentions of fucking anyone, look like she would fuck for a pizza is the real gift of a pornographer. Each model is different, needs a different approach, different direction and different motivating. If I have to explain how to do this I seriously suggest you go practise for a year until you get this right.
This is the tough part. Learning how to get the maximum out of a model when they intend doing the minimum is the hardest part of my job. Any pornographer will tell you they are part photographer, part pornographer, part psychologist and part wet nurse, with a little bit of favourite uncle or lover thrown in. And if you think this is an easy way to get laid, forget about it.
Remember the bottom of the ladder is crowded and saturated. If you think it's going to be easy with 100 other people producing content no better or no different from what you can do then think again. If you think you can compete and make the money we make, then look at www.paulmarkham.com. This is what you need to equal to earn what we earn.
How did you get into the business?
Kevin: I'm supposed to tell some lame story how I fell into it, but honestly I sought it out. I started the industry news site really just to get closer to the business. It was a calculated move on my part. Somehow it worked.
Did you always have directing as a goal?
Kevin: Absolutely. I went to college originally as a music major. I hurt both my wrists badly and ended up with a pretty terrible case of tendonitis. So I had to find a new career. I ended up finishing up my degree but in the process also picked up a minor in film. I just love shooting. Especially photography.
At UConn, three students go to court for an assault on a female student. Has Internet porn spawned a new kind of sex crime?
The Saddest Legacy of the Vietnam/Korean Conflicts
I was preparing a "Neighborhood" update for Jerkoffzone.com yesterday and I realized a disturbing fact.
All the American GI's who went overseas in the 50s,60s,70s and served in Korea, Vietnam and other Pacific rim countries banged so many Asian hookers that they totally fetishized an entire race of people.
These guys came back to America and sadly went back, most of them, to banging white pussy. The fortunate ones were able to marry some whores overseas and bring them back. Others though, had to wait for their white wives to die so that they could get mail order brides.
So now, many of these guys in the twilight of their years, are finally living out their dreams of Asian snatch. Sadly, not everyone has the means to fly or float in quality slant eyed gash, and some of these old bastards are forced to go with Grade F meat.
This is the story of one such poor old bastard who brought in this "Angel Venus" whore to our office. The decrepit old freak probably wasted so much money getting this Chinese beast into the country that he is forced to whore her out to be able to afford his weekly Geritol allotment.
XXX-Communicated Revised For Islamic Scholars
Come on, feel the blasphemy!
Khunrum writes: "Luke, start stocking up on levitra and viagra. You're gonna need all the help you can muster when those 70 virgins attack you in paradise."
I'll never forget that fishnet shot of Cheryl Tiegs in 1978 (read Michael Gross's book Model : The Ugly Business of Beautiful Women). She was just as hot on the cover of the 1983 issue.
"That was the first softcore pic I ever saw, it was just great," says an ex-porner. "I loved how they slipped it into SI and I was able to get it past my mom. Thats how porn should be, hidden, taboo, repressed, it makes the forbidden fruit all the more sweeter. That pic is sexier than anything in porn today."
I ran into Cheryl at my therapist's office in 2001. She wanted to know the location of the bathroom.
While I Google images for "'Cheryl Tiegs' nude", I listen to Lee Strobel's The Case for a Creator: A Journalist Investigates Scientific Evidence That Points Toward God, published by Zondervan, as an atonement for my sin.
I do not want to spend my Sunday morning looking for pics of Cheryl Tiegs. Afraid I might spill my seed on the dusty soil of my hovel, I call (well, actually, I tried to IM) Holly for moral support and she isn't there. Some SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) sponsor she is.
Normally she knows just what to say to kill my unwanted erections.
I fear that I'm lowering the moral tone of my website by posting these photos.
Jack Abramoff writes: "BUAHAHAHAHA cmon Luke, every red-blooded man around the world has jacked off to those pics as a lad. That was porn for a 12 year old boy, complete with a hand towel and a sturdy lock on the bathroom door. It is actually refreshing to see that you have some humanity."
I call another woman. She's not there. I leave a wailing message that I am in the grip of forces greater than myself.
She calls me back. "I went to bed at 5am. At noon, there's a buzzing on my cell phone. I think, who the hell could be calling me this early?"
"You said I could call you any time if I was struck sinful desires."
"And I would point you back to your moral path."
"Yes. I've just spent the last hour scouring the internet for pictures of Cheryl Tiegs and Morgan Fairchild."
I do not specify that I've been scouring the net for nude pictures of these celebrities.
"I knew I was going to fall. I knew I was going to relapse."
"And I wasn't there. I'm ashamed of myself. You'll have to find a new sponsor."
"Now I'm stronger. I can turn my back on those alluring photos. I was a more vulnerable person in 1978."
"And you're not at all vulnerable now."
"I'm practically an island. I feel no pain and I never cry. But the call of history. History echoes."
"You can be seduced by history."
"I'm sure you think less of me now."
"I do. Why did you have to tell me this and just destroy the grand illusion of you that I had?"
"Have you bought your new bathing suit for the Spring?"
"It's zero degrees here."
"You have to have faith."
Fake
Cheryl Tiegs is the Queen of the modern supermodel. The trail she blazed in her heyday has translated into astronomical earning potential for present runway stars. In fact, if we had our way, every millionaire supermodel would be on her knees -- not to gratify our most deviant wish, but to give praise to the ageless Tiegs.
In an era when many models donned the glam look and were caked in three layers of cosmetic foundation, Tiegs was a breath of fresh California air. Her clean, classic American beauty captured the fashion world and spawned a new age of model adulation, which evolved into the current craze of model celebrity.
The other inspiration of my teens was actress Morgan Fairchild (born in 1950). While on a 2004 walk with Disinfo's Richard Metzger, I passed Morgan having lunch in Studio City. She was still gorgeous.
From her official biography: "Morgan starred in an informational video, "Safe Sex for Men and Women", about AIDS education and prevention. Part of the proceeds went to the American Foundation for AIDS Research. She is a member of the Entertainment Industry's AIDS Task Force. Morgan has spearheaded numerous other fund-raising projects for the disease and she also testified before a special Congressional committee about AIDS education."
Steve Hirsch Meets Lil' John
There's a "Big John" ad in the latest AVN on page 61. It says "Vivid Entertainment in association with Legacy DVD Works and Afro-Centric Productions."
Legacy is Lil' John and Afro-Centric is Video Team. What's the scoop?
Christian Mann of Video Team replies to my question:
When it came time to consider a new movie with Lil' Jon, I suggested to Steven Hirsch that Vivid should do it because they were better poised to market it and sell it. Vivid has a stronger promotional presence and bigger distribution network. It was the equivalent of an artist on an indie label going to a major label. For my part, I produced the movie along with Marci, directed it along with Shylar and was the all around liaison between the two camps... never a dull moment there. Introducing Lil' Jon to Steve Hirsch reminded me of the famous picture of Elvis Presley meeting Richard Nixon.
Ben writes: "Christian Mann needs to go ahead and sell whats left of Videoteam to Metro because he is a sell out. Why on earth would a company that made money from all black and interracial videos have anything do with Steve Hirsch and idiots who make it a point that their movies are all most 100% white-on-white and whose contract talent doesn't do interracial? Vivid is the last company Video Team should have done anything with. Get a clue Christian."