Setting My So-Called "Gay Career" Record Straight
OP/ED by Jeremy Steele
If there’s a gay God above, I’m sure he’s looking down now, laughing his bottom off!
I always knew the day would inevitably come when I’d finally officially address this stupid, ancient issue which, for some, has been a silly and malice-filled obsession.
In fact, I had already gone off on the subject in a, would-be hilarious, yet STILL, unreleased documentary shot six years ago. But, while the performance-challenged, non-producing producer asshole continues to "work" on it for years upon years (somebody call Guinness, btw), let me set the record straight on my "gay" experiences in the porno world.
It is truly the irony of all ironies in lieu of the attitudes, experiences and opportunities I once harbored based on my experiences with gays, that I would end up doing what I did; which of course, makes it exciting for some, while laughable, for others. Either way, prepare for a few good laughs…
It was a domino serious of very unfortunate and traumatic events which lead me, in absolute desperation, to temporarily, and with great limitations (a grand total of one and a half times), do things on video which I never in my life imagined I would ever do- 12 years ago- a time when current barely legal starlets were but of 6 years of age.
Ironically, minus the car-jackings, women-beatings, burglaries, sociopathic attacks of innocent people and displayed inability to wipe his own ass, I might have, once upon a time been compared to the likes of even Donkey Long, himself!
That’s right. Those hostile sentiments and humiliations directed my way over the last dozen years (long before Donkey, but recently, thanks to him and his fellow mentally deranged and sociopathic comrade in arms Tara, brought back to life and dubious relevance) were actually once something I, once upon a time, was guilty of, myself.
When I first moved to California from New York I soon developed what some may call
angry, "homophobic" sentiments. One day at age 17, while living in San Diego, and looking like I was 14, I went to a nudist beach I heard about called Black’s Beach.
While curious, I was still too modest to walk around naked, myself, plus there were apparently too many gay guys walking around. I saw a young, attractive girl, fully nude, walking toward me along the shore, with her hairy bush, and I got so excited that I had to jump into the ocean to keep my cock from bulging through my speedos for all the homos to see. After I got out of the cold ocean waters some guy walked up to me, said "helloooo", asked to sit down, to which, annoyed, I replied back "No". Yet, he still persisted and, with a last ditch effort offered me $100.00 to go back to his place. Again, I said "NO!, thankyou!" and he left.
Various thoughts flowed through my head afterwards like, "That fucking faggot!", "When is a woman gonna walk by and offer me money?", "Is this really what Southern California is like?" and, "Maybe I shouldn’t be wearing speedos!".
It’s not to brag, but since moving to California in the mid 80’s, I’ve been offered money by gay guys more times than I care to remember; something I’ve always turned down.
Simply, it just wasn’t and isn’t my thing. Although, if it was, then I’m sure my attitude would likely have been, at least under preferable circumstances, "Why the hell not?"
While I’m sensitive to how people feel, I’m not a person who cares much what people think
(my "crazy conspiracy theories", and such, should be testament to that), and if I was
gay I believe I’d be all out and about that shit, living la vida loca, as well as a much more opulant life within those circles, considering all the googley eye stares, stalkings and offers I’ve dealt with countless times in and around la-la land over the years.
In spite of my past hostilties, I actually respect and even admire those who can just be
who they are, regardless of what any others may think… AS LONG as they’re respectful about it!
After all, imagine you were suddenly put into the body of the opposite sex. Would you more likely find yourself attracted to the same sex you were attracted to before? And should you be blamed if you were? I’d like to think that if I was born a female suddenly or in my next life that I’d be a bonafide dyke!
But, not only was the gay thing not in the least a turn on for me, but so was the idea of prostitution; not so much because it’s illegal, but because of it’s potential unwanted intimacy requirements with others who I may not be in the least attracted to. That aspect, to this day, has kept me away committing carnal acts with anyone for money (porn, not included). But, then again, how many women usually offer men money for sex? Porn offers a nuetral, safe territory compared to "escorting".
I had a gay friend (from a waiter job I had years ago) who recommended I go to the Beverly Hills Hotel lobby, and hang out because I’d meet a rich lady there who would pay me for sex. One time, out of curiosity, I actually went over there to check it out, stood around, and right away, low and behold, a fat, older lady sitting in a chair near the front center of the large lobby, suddenly and non-chalantly whipped out a HUGE stack of crisp looking bills and counted them to herself. I knew that was my cue to go over and say hello, yet I just couldn’t do it, and, after visiting the bar for a few minutes, buying a drink and conversating with another woman, I left. That was the closest I ever came to being an "escort".
Before I ever got my first job in porn, a mom who was a porn performer and escort hired me to fuck her in front of an old man who she told me had won the lottery. She also told me that he’s likely to offer me $500 to have my dick sucked by him afterwards, and that if I was willing, I could see him once or twice a week. As she predicted, he made me the offer but I kindly refused, and he seemed depressed about it. Then I asked myself, "What the fuck does it do for these gay guys to PAY ME to suck MY dick? I’ve never even imagined paying a woman, no matter how hot, just to eat her pussy!". So, although I had the opportunity to make big money being gay for pay, I’ve repeatedly turned it down. I figured as much as I didn’t want to, I also didn’t need to. I’d rather just be broke, if that was the alternative…….
