Bin Laden’s Porn

Op/EdBy Benjamin & Aaronson, Attorneys at law specializing in Freedom of Speech( and friends of mine 😉 )

After almost ten years of searching for Osama bin Laden, our intelligence agencies located him in a Abbottabad, Pakistan. In a more than heroic mission, the United States Navy Seals and other special operations military men conducted a nearly flawless assault on Osama’s hideout, yielding a six foot five corpse of the world’s number one terrorist. We cannot applaud or thank those involved in the mission and the intelligence leading up to it enough. They deserve ours and all of the United States of America’s appreciation and gratitude.
Along with the body of Osama bin Laden also captured were three of his wives, a treasure trove of intelligence and countless pornographic movies. One has to wonder, with three wives on duty to satisfy his carnal desires, why was there pornography? The obvious answer is one that we have always known. People and especially men like porn.
As we have told you countless times before, although we have tried first degree murder cases where our clients have been facing the electric chair, or public corruption cases involving politicians, or drug trafficking, armed robbery, armed burglary, organized crime or even gang warfare, all those cases usually play to an empty courtroom. However, when we try those obscenity cases, the ones where the films are supposed to be too disgusting for citizens of the United States or for a specific geographic area to be allowed to purchase, when those films are shown on the overhead screens, it is standing room only. We just wish that we could have the popcorn concession. The bottom line is that porn is popular. It is so popular that the devil of all devils, Osama bin Laden was holed up in his refuge for what is estimated to be the last five years to do without many things. Apparently he did without the comradery of others. Apparently he did without the freedom to travel, to walk or to mingle. Apparently he did without having the sun shine directly on his face. Yet, this holier than thou, this killer of the infidels, this holy man and self-righteous ideolog, could not do without his porn.

The only thing missing is the wondering of what were the titles and genra of the movies. Was he a fan of Jenna Jameson or did he like the more modern stars such as Sasha Grey. Did he like viewing anal or maybe bukkake was what rocked his boat. Did he like orgies and threesomes of perhaps interracial? Maybe it was bondage and did he have a thing for dominatrixes? Was he into Max Hardcore?

Other questions remain to be answered. Did any of those who shared the hideout with him ever notice a wet spot on the front of those white flowing robes that he enjoyed wearing, especially after locking himself in one of the secured rooms within the hideout. Did he spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom like a teenage boy? Did he and his three wives, devil be damned, watch them all together? Did he have a wife do a striptease for him while he played with himself watching a movie? Telling her to do it slowly, first take off the head covering, now the veil, with his breath getting heavier and heavier as layer after layer of clothing was removed. Did he and the other men who came and went from the hideout, sit around and watch stag movies together? Did they talk about the body on Amand’s wife or the rack on Saleem’s sister as they paused to get a good view of the penetrations shot or fast forwarded to see the cum shot over and over again.

As we said and have always said, sex sells. Apparently, it even sells in Pakistan. It even sells in terrorist hideouts. The bottom line of it is it just sells.

Of course, it is just a matter of time before some right wing religious group draws the conclusion that pornography leads to terrorism. Of course they will cite the fact that Osama bin Ladin had pornography when he was killed as evidence of that link. Some radical right theologian or doctor of philosophy will opine that pornography causes aggressive behavior and that there is a link between viewing anal sex or lesbian sex and the desire to fly a plane into a skyscraper.

Maybe some feminist will analogize that the plane flying into the tower is akin to the assaults women in porn endure of having the penis thrust into their holes. The thousands of gallons of jet fuel from the ruptured fuel tanks spilling into and on the buildings would be a metaphor for sperm shooting every which way on the violated actress. Then again, the link will be made that pornography causes terrorists and terrorism.

So now we have all the answers. Pornography is to the terrorist, what hookers are to the politician or what little boys are to the clergy. Of course, this is ridiculous. Litte boys don’t cause clergy to be pedophiles and the hooker did not cause the hypocrite politician to cheat on his wife. Pornography didn’t cause a terrorist attack.

Rather, the only conclusion that can be drawn, is that sex transcends idealogy, religion and even geographic boundaries. Sex sells even in Pakistan.