If you Touch My Junk, Make Sure Your Hands Aren’t Cold

If you Touch My Junk, Make Sure Your Hands Aren’t Cold

by BigRed

Now, I have a military background. I’m friends with cops. I even do security. I’m not a pro but I think I can do a proper pat-down. Last I knew it was the backside of the hand used on the naughty bits. This way nobody can bitch about being "sexually assaulted". That was about 12 years ago so maybe the specs on it have changed.

Well, I think they have according to NPR.org regarding the TSA body scans and pat downs. Looks like its palms up baby.
Now some may find that to be disturbing, others might not care. And I’m sure there’s a select few that would love it. I know, its been awhile. Its ok, we’ve all been there.

Now we all know the story of  John Tyner the "if you touch my junk I’ll have you arrested" guy who just so happened to record the pat down process. In the words of Peter Griffin, "you know what grinds my gears?" Whiny douche bags like John Tyner. Oh, you didn’t know your phone was recording? I tried that line with my wife once and she touched my junk in a MUCH more unpleasant, more painful way.
Seems to me he went looking for trouble. There’s a way to go about things involving another man handling your junk. Ask the procedure on what’s getting ready to happen.

Now there’s another blogger who had a problem with being handled inappropriately. Wait, what the hell is it with these bloggers causing all this trouble? Jesus people get a damn life. Dirty hippies. (Oops, love you boss. Kisses.) Am I the only person without a blog? Crap.
Anyway, it was a woman traveling with her baby who got a pat down by a female TSA employee and was never told of the process. So when the agent damn near palms her breasts and other women parts she gets a little bent out of shape. She spoke with the supervisor regarding the issue and come to find out the agent did mess up by not informing of the procedure.

Now in all fairness, if I get patted down and have my "boys" juggled I’d be a little pissed off to. Being I don’t have a blog I’d tweet the hell out of it. And yes, there would be some very choice words coming out of my mouth. I’m also the pain in the ass who wears steel toed boots and a kilt when I go to the airport. I said kilt, not skirt. Get it right.

 Now as far as the full body scans, that’s some crazy stuff. Basically it x-rays the entire body through your clothes. So yes, the whole world will know if you’re really packing down there or if its a cucumber Spinal Tap thing going on. Now this one I’m not really a fan of only because I’m Irish/Scottish which means I’m hung like a tuna can.

I’m not too sure if the scan shows facial detail but everything else,oh yeah. No more sticking drugs up anywhere it’ll show up. Do kids still do drugs or is it just these Fourloko drink things? How do breast implants show up? Hmmm.

Now in defense of the TSA agents,cut them some slack. You’ve seen some of the hot freaky messes at the airport. Do you want your hands on them all day? Keep in mind that its all girl on girl and boy on boy. So sorry guys, that cute chick will not be all in your business. Having to deal with the public sucks. Traveling sucks. Drunk people, yup they suck. Put yourself in their shoes next time you’re at the airport. Go easy on the lame ass jokes. You’re not the first person to say it. Now thier job’s not rocket surgery, they’re just trying to make a buck and support a family. Take a breath next time you think about flipping out on somebody. We live in some fucked up times, so yeah people to do jobs like the TSA and customs are needed. I got a customs buddy at a NY airport who caught 4 shocks for a car loaded with heroin. Shit happens sometimes, all a question of when and where. When they catch something we love them.

When they slow us down, they can piss off. Pick a side.

Personally, I have nothing to hide. Now that I know what the deal is, go ahead feel me up. Tell me I’m pretty. Just don’t look me in the eyes. That creepy. I do think the media or who ever handles the press release for the TSA dropped the ball(no pun intended) when it came to letting the public know of the new changes. I mean hell we all knew when we couldn’t carry more then 4 ounces of liquid. So I say that’s a huge factor in this whole debacle.

Now if you feel the need to be a smart ass to a member of a government agency don’t ask if there hands are cold or warm. Don’t ask them to buy you dinner or a drink first. Those are played out. Get creative. Try " I just made a dirty bomb in my pants so be careful." Tell them you’re wearing you’re old ladies pantie drawers and your nuts are already in a bad way so go easy. Ladies, you’re on your own on this one.