NL-Mikey is a new writer for LIB, be gentle with him. We need some smiles around here after the week we’ve had, so here’s an opinion that will also give you a chuckle.
Dad, What’s an Erection?
op/ed by
By Mikey Sinn
So last Sunday I’m watching my beloved Broncos get the tar kicked out of them by the Ravens with my six year old son when an ad for Cialis appears on my screen. I start talking to him about how bad our team looks to try and distract him from the “… if you use nitrates or have a bad heart…” when he stops me dead in my tracks and asks “Dad, what’s an erection?”
I pondered his question for a minute and thought about the most tactful way to answer him. I thought about using the whole “a skyscraper is an example of an erect building” analogy. Instead I went with “You know when you wake up in the morning and have to pee, but you have to stand a ways away from the commode?”
He nodded approvingly as he knew what I was talking about. Then came the harder question to answer: “Why would someone want to have one of those? That’s like the toughest pee of the day.”
His last question was answered with a simple “I don’t know son.”
But the question got me thinking about why in the hell I have to be put in the situation to explain such a thing to my son who has no idea what sex is? I’m a responsible parent. I utilize the parental controls on my cable box, I don’t even turn on the radio around my kids because I don’t want to have to explain why Katy Perry kissed a girl or what the Young Money guys are talking about in “Bed Rock”.
I deplore censorship and don’t look for the government to protect my kids from what they should or should not see. That’s my job and should be the job of every parent, not our elected officials. I like to assume however, that when I’m watching a sport as deeply embedded in Americana as football that I shouldn’t have to be subjected to commercials for Cialis, Viagra, Trojan, Massengil or even Activia. Not because these are necessarily lurid products, but have you ever been eating when the commercial with Jamie Lee Curtis talking about regulating your digestive system comes on? The visual of Jamie Lee hunkered down with her face scrunched up and turning red is enough to ruin the images I’ve held so long of her in “Halloween” and “True Lies”.
Maybe I take for granted that we live in such a conservative society with so many people who like to sit atop their high horse and deem what is and isn’t acceptable for the entire country. I can trust that the Enzyte ads with Bob won’t appear during SpongeBob, but if I want to watch sports with my son I have to duck and dodge condom and penis pill ads? It doesn’t make sense to me. How many men with erectile issues are really worrying about it while Halladay was pitching his no hitter? Aren’t sports an avenue of escapism from our problems?
The bottom line of course is money. As long as Cialis or whoever is paying top dollar to appeal to the guy in his fifties who doesn’t want a faulty pecker, then who cares about the guy trying to bond with his youngster without having extremely awkward conversations with him? Am I the only one amused by the hypocrisy of CBS or the NFL? They freaked out years ago about Janet Jackson showing her titty because of the “damage and harm” it caused the children watching yet had no problem taking the $2.5 million from Pfizer to promote Viagra on the very same telecast? Showing a boob is very bad but promoting something to make a dick hard isn’t?
This isn’t a plea for censorship. This is merely a request for common decency and some consideration for the guy who wants to escape the real troubles of the world for a few hours and bond with his son without having to deal with talking about why someone would take a pill to get a woody.
I’ve brought this subject up before. Janet Jackson’s tittie is natural, cialis is not. Something the child by nature shouldn’t have an aversion to seeing and has seen since infancy, on, he’s censored from. At the same, some asshole loudly saying “sexual activity” and “erection lasting more than 4 hours” is blared over and over and over at the kid. Neither he, nor his family should have to hear this shit, but as Mikey pointed out, it all comes down to money. Advertisers show how little respect (specifically, NONE) that have for you, the consumer, by doing that. It would belike a door-to- door salesman knocking while you have your entire family over, and when you open the door he yells “Hey, are you healthy enough for sexual activity? Want to last longer in bed, my friend?”.
But don’t ever expect decency (or truth or fairness) when money rules over all else!
I’ve mentioned this before. As Mikey points out, money rules over everything else. The pill pushers are showing us consumers how much respect they really have for us (NONE) when they blare commercials (which are always set to come out considerably louder than the show you were just watching) at you. Side effects can include children asking you what an erection is, as well as sexual activity, as well as blushing and familial discomfort. Consult your conscious and ask yourself “Does this advertiser deserve my money, or should I at least go with one who doesn’t have the audacity of yelling at me about erectile disfunction while the wife’s family is over?”. Janet Jackson’s tittie is all natural, cialis isn’t. A child has seen a tit since infancy on, but has it censored him all the while as sex is used to sell everything and commercial are screaming about an erection lasting more than four hours. These t.v. ads are like a door-to-door salesman banging on your door and then asking you in front of friends and family if you’re healthy enough for sexual activity and how great his product will make you in the ol’ sack. Money always rules over ethics, which is why we’re in the state we’re in. Greed is NOT good, it just thinks it has priviledge is ought not to have it’s insatiability.
(why does my shit keep disappearing? i give up. i wrote a cool response, sent it, then it vanished, no sign of it, so i re-write it, send, “poof”, gone, wtf?! is it out there somewhere in cyber-space or is it being scrutinized by the n.s.a.?)
or there it is, sorry for a few errors, usually i get a chance to edit/fix what i send within 5 minutes but this time the shit vanished then reappeared a bit later.. last line should’ve read “priviledges it ought not to have in it’s insatiability” or something like that, computer malfunction…
Excellent article! Please keep him.
Well son, it’s sort of like the way the Empire State Building was constructed from the ground up,slowly rising above the skyline…
Uh, now that you put it THAT way, Mikey…. well, it actually makes sense!
Good job!
A bigger concern is whether you are raising your son to be a Broncos fan.Dont do it
Josh McDaniels is an assburger. Total wig out wacko. Mike Nolan had the defense playing out of its mind..Josh got jealous and fired Nolan….look at your defense now…playing like poop.
Kyle Orton is an idiot.He was shit-talking the Steelers in a preseason game earlier this year.
motherfucker
Kyle tried to tackle James Harrison after an interceptionStupid fuck
Harrison put his helmet in Orton’s spine, and left him on the field needing attention.
Rightous payback for shooting your mouth off, Orton
Josh McDaniels is an ass sponge
Steelers!!
Anybody see this dude on the New England Patriots named Danny Woodhead? If thats not a porn name then I dont know what is.