LA LA Land O’Flakes by Jeremy Steele

Southern California: La-la-Land O’ Flakes (and sometimes a soul murdering place).
by Jeremy Steele
 
 
What is it about Californians? And I’m not talking about natives, necessarily, but the Californian Way; a way that seems to often try to run and hide away; from reality, from confrontation, from ourselves, and thus, ultimately true mutual respect and growth;
 
The California Way; the way of people perpetually not doing what they fucking say!   I’ve sometimes wondered, "Where does the pacifying influence come from, the Pacific Ocean?" Is it the feminization of civilization, backlash for years of patriarchal wars and abuses upon man-un-kind; where now everyone wears a painted face, talks behinds others’ backs and puts on a false show to match their false eyelashes and fancy fabrics?
 
I remember before I got into porn I had a shitty telemarketing job for 14 months, and learned about the generalities of people based on what part of country I was calling. Ironically, the hardest people in the whole country for me to sell anything to were people from my own neck of the woods: Long Island, New York (getting them to not hang up on me right away was the biggest challenge), while the easiest people to engage in a long conversation and convince were Southern Californians.
 
However, there was one catch, and it was a serious one; they’d say they were interested in their sweet, syrupy, almost gay sounding tone, but in the end usually never meant it. It turns out it was an ingrained avoidance strategy;  agree with what I was telling them but in the end say "Can I think about it/Can you send me more information?". Thus they were the flakiest and most difficult to commit to doing what they say they would. They JUST COULDN’T SAY NO!, and dare hurt my feelings; in a tone of faux agreement as sincere as a 2nd rate Hollywood actor doing an infomercial.
 
But little did they seem to know or care that in the end it was far worse dealing with them than someone who had the hairy huevos to say "No ". Beyond the waste of precious time, the reason is simple:
 
Being lead on or lied to with expectations of accomplishment is far more hurtful then simply and bluntly being told "NO!"  Also, being told "No", assuming one hasn’t hung up you still affords the opportunity of turning the "no" into a yes, or of at least, if nothing else,  arrive at a better mutual understanding, which is important.
 
Of course it feels good to tell others what you’re going to do for yourself or for them, but if you don’t mean it, it’s far, far better for everyone involved that you never said it in the first place. After all, who the hell needs the hot air (especially if it’s chock full of bad breathe, as well)?
 
There are essentially two types of disingenuine la-la-land types; A. The "I just can’t tell them ‘No’, so I’ll say ‘Yes’ even though I don’t mean it", and B. The "I forgot because I also tell everyone ‘Yes’" flake-a-holics.
 
Yes, I know this is the land where fantasy is made reality, at least for some, and/or for some sum of time; a place where you sometimes never know who’s who or who knows who or who’s the next big thing, so amongst all the "woo woo"s, you don’t want to clip anyone’s wings, and you always smile when they sing.. a vast cast of ding-a-lings, it sometimes seems.
 
But, little does it seem to dawn on those who make false promises and raise expectations that it is much like someone calling you up and telling you you’ve won an inheritence, when in the end, after spending days of anticipated angst, waiting and running around, discover it was just a fucking idiotic prank!  Don’t you think it would’ve been better to have just left the poor person (who probably already had enough problems) down on the ground where they started then to have elevated them with hopes which really were "nopes"?  I mean, after all, what did they do to deserve such abuse?
 
Professionally, I know there are some people who despite the current shaky state of things, for various reasons, are on top of the shitpile and may not necessarily be able to relate; who always have someone who wants to shake their hands or touch their glands. I’m happy for them. Meanwhile, and maybe it’s just me (it’s not, actually,  because I know I’m not the only one), but how many times have you been told, "Hey, I want to hire ya/I’m shooting/I’ll call you", and after it seems the person has forgotten what they said,  you call eventually to remind them, and still no answer?
 
The Californian Way is not exclusive to Californians but it is certainly a staple of a collective persona which in my opinion causes more problems by it’s inability or unwillingness to be honest or confrontative; something which grown and mature humans need.
 
Dare to be confrontational.  Be real so we can all evolve, not be lead by a carrot, hanging by a string, wasting precious time which can never be returned, or hopes that had no basis in the real.
 
And being confrontational doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart but because you do! I think people sometimes don’t understand the context of where I’m coming from when I express my true perspective.  I really don’t care what people think because I know my intentions are good. If your friend or relative tells you they think somethings wrong with you or what you do it doesn’t mean they don’t care or have any love or respect. I don’t like when people assume my criticisms are malicious.
 
The California Way needs to be done away with.
 
If you tell someone you are going to hire them, then fucking do it!, otherwise remember that a man or woman is only as good as his or her word.  It’s easy to please those who everyone else is also trying to please, too. But (and here’s an important lesson, folks…) if you don’t know, don’t want to buy or do something or someone, if you can’t or aren’t willing to say "Sorry, no", at least tell them "I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO".
 
This way, Californians, you’re not saying ‘no’, yet you’re also not saying ‘yes’, AND you won’t have to worry about people needlessly RESENTING you,  your flakiness or insincerity, despite your constant smiles!  I really don’t want to resent you or have you resent me for resenting you, so what can we do?; The right thing.
 
And if there is a reason you don’t want to do what you’d otherwise feel compelled to lie about, and say for stupid reasons that you do, then, if you can, please let the reason be known. Maybe the reason is based on strange, morphing, baseless gossip, or erroneous, biased, prejudicial and personal, or artistic renditions of the truth. Maybe it’s based on a mood based on a silly outburst, the reasons for and circumstances behind it not known, which  happened sometime in 1996.  Also, try judging a person based on personal experience, not elevated, mythological hype. Maybe there’s a matter of discovery based on real conversations that flippant, happy and hollow exchanges could never attain. Maybe there’s a misunderstanding or lie that once morphed into ‘common knowledge’.
 
So, if you don’t want to buy from, deal with or hire somone, do yourself and them both a favor and say so, and also, if possible, why. That’s called respect.  Even if the truth hurts, bullshit, lies, and wasted hopes, expectations and time hurt considerably more.
 
Again, if that’s too much to ask for, or more than is necessary, then if nothing else, simply tell them, "I’ll see what I can do".
 
Thankyou!