Marina Maywood says She Met GREAT People in Porn

by Marina Maywood

I’ve been hearing nonsensical rumors and getting weird e-mails lately, so I’m posting yet another blog entry. Maybe it will clear a few things up.

First of all… I did not enter the adult industry because I had to do it "to survive" or because I was desperate for money. I was desperately bored and self-destructive, but I had a good-paying job (though I hated it) and generous parents, so I’m not going to pretend to be some kind of victim of society. Oh, and in case anyone else would like to call me a dumb whore, I do have a BA, though I’m still looking into Master’s programs and haven’t made a move in that direction yet.  (The usual dilemma as to whether follow my heart or get another supposedly useful, sensible degree, is stopping me, but only for now.)

I’m not going to agree, either, that porn "destroyed" me or so much as damaged me in any way. Honestly, the problems associated with porn were the least of my worries. I’ve had far worse things happen to me in my life than getting paid to have sex, and that is all I’m going to say about that. I had a lot of demons in my head to work out when I entered the industry; that type of work was a fun distraction, and also a way to experiment with my body without resorting to mass amounts of dangerous drugs or binge drinking and the like. I don’t think that the industry itself destroys lives, but it does attract a lot of self-destructive people.

For a while, doing adult movies was such a high! I liked that I felt like a strong person, being able to have sex with somebody I didn’t love or perhaps didn’t even like and wasn’t attracted to. "Mind over matter" was my motto! Those types of experiences made me feel okay about whatever happened to me in the past, like it mattered less. It took me a while to realize that by having sex on camera for money, I was actually reliving my worst memories. Not every time, but once is one time too many.

I met so many great people while I was in the industry, and that made it really hard to leave. Say what you will, but porn folk, generally-speaking, are open-minded, tolerant, fun, and often generous. I’ve met some incredibly unsavory characters in that world too, but the cool ones made up for that. The best part was that I didn’t have to feel ashamed about anything that’s happened to me, or anything "weird" that I’m into, and I didn’t have to hide what most of society would consider to be my flaws (moral or otherwise). Also, despite what a lot of people seem to think, there are girls in the industry who are not only fun, but incredibly kind, smart, witty, and determined. All that on top of being sexy? Count me as a fan!

I did my first scene in January of 2007. I quit in March of 2009, but very briefly came back half a year later. I only ended up doing some photo sets and just one video. I found myself turning down shoots, and so I knew that this work was not for me at all anymore. (My very last scene is a solo — I’ll be the annual Christmas girl for a public flashing website called Teasers VOD. I actually didn’t even play a character in this one and was pretty much just being myself.) Between quitting and briefly coming back again, I had my heart broken (you know, one of those predictable once-in-a-lifetime things), and had a lot of trouble dealing with that. I got into more trouble during that time than in all of the time I spent in the industry.

I’ll write about my reasons for leaving (other than the fact that I just no longer feel like doing this for a living) later.

Thanks to everyone — friends, acquaintances and strangers — who has shown me (non-creepy) support! Things are falling into place as far as work and life, and I feel that I am doing what I should be. More on that when I feel like sharing…

XOXO