Angry Yankee Fans Urge A-Roid: Get Back on Steroids
by David Henry Sterry
from the Huffington Post
Posted: May 30, 2009 04:27 PM
Rabid NY Yankees fans, furious that Alex Rodriguez is batting a miniscule .177, are uniting to urge the beleaguered ballplayer to get back on steroids. "Let’s face it," said Vinny "3 Balls" Boombatz from Bay Ridge, "all those warning track outs, those would be home runs if A-Rod would just do the right thing and get huge and juiced again."
Contrary to reports in the media, fans are apparently more interested in winning than they are in having their heroes drug-free.
"It ain’t fair," said Rocco "Momo" Como from the Bronx, "the guy is making two-hundred squazillion smackeroos or whatever, and he doesn’t care enough to do everything he can do to help the Bronx Bomber win? We don’t want the .177 hitter with clean p*ss. We want the .320 hitter jacked up on female hormones or X-man chromostones or whatever."
Although Rodriguez was never suspended or punished by Major League Baseball (despite the fact that they knew he was using performance enhancers), he was outted by a writer for Sports Illustrated. Having lied on national television about his drug use, he came clean about being unclean just before the season started, and has been anemic offensively ever since. Coincidence? Yankee fans don’t know or care. They just want to win.
"Look, when A-Rod sucks I hate his f-ing guts," said Carmine "the Mongoose" Saragusa, "When he’s great I love him more than my wife and my girlfriend put together. Please, A-Rod, get back on the ‘roids. Don’t make me come and stick a needle in your *ss myself, that would not be in your best interest, trust me!"
And the people have spoken.
A-Rod’s only been back a short while and has his average up to .260 and his OBP at 41%, and being that the new mammoth Yankee Stadium blocks out a lot of wind I predict he’ll have a good season. I hate Steinbrenner, who’s a piece of shit and ruined the Spirit of the Yanks and the franchise with his antics, attitude and dismantling the sacred Bronx zoo. The Yankees were truly a great franchise up until CBS bought them in the 60’s where for the first time they didn’t win once in an entire decade. Yeah being able to spend lots of money helps, but when the Yankees have won it all it’s been in spite of Steinbrenner, not because of him. Go Dodgers!
I think this fan need to come down a bit I mean A-Rod is only human..
he’s also like 34 and has been playing for 15 years
I remember the Colombian all drugs Olympics sketch in Saturday Night Live. There must be a sport were being juiced is not only tolerated but encouraged.
Sure there is rics. It’s called “Sports Entertainment,” and I’m eagerly awaiting the day when Conseco falls even lower than his recent foray into cage fighting and joins the WWE.
But SNL idea was to have juiced sportmen competing in real sports to see how many world records the can break.
That’s why I love the NBA… no one juices in basketball because it won’t help you. They smoke more weed than any other league I think though
Basketballers and Footballers (the English game played with the feet) do juice, but since they area in aerobic intensive games they often use cardivascular performance enhancers or old fashioned coke.
they don’t use steroids though, and I can’t imagine playing a game of 21 let alone full court basketball coked up
Some tennis pros use cocaine. Richard Gasquet just had a dirty test and Hingis retired because of a dirty test. I also met someone very close to making it to the ATP tour who got busted for smoking pot and he quit pro tennis altogether.
lots of athletes party, but I don’t see why any professional athlete would use coke before competing… tennis especially, because they have no one to talk to
Well, some basketballer and footballers (soccer) have dropped death in the middle of a game with cocaine in their system.
But at least, in serious, Brittish originated sports like soccer and tennis they do test the athletes regularly and a positive, even a fake one, can ruin a top star career in hours.
Something that never happens in American sports.
In your system is different than actually being high when you are playing and doing it right before or at halftime, but I believe there have been people who did it though. I can see Diego Maradona having a streak of using before games.
In the documentary ‘Cocaine Cowboys’, a dealer talks about selling to the whole Pittbugh Stealer football team two days before a Super Bowl game that they actually won. And he said that the team was partying the night before the game, etc. So, obviously, they only did enough coke to have fun and to boost energy.
Tennis pros have plenty of fun. Whenever a tourney is in town, there is a deluge of hot women. Its like a traveling fraternity.
That was over 30 years ago
Yeah, but still it shows you that drugs don’t really affect performance. They are only one of many factors. I don’t even see the point of testing for coke and pot in athletes.
That depens of the sport, aerobic intensive sports like Basketball or Soccer, sure they do. Same for olympic level runners. Baskeball and even more soccer are basically long distance running done as a team sport.
Maybe there are low level guys trying to get an edge who do it, but Lebron James is not crushing a gram up in the locker room before a game. I guess it has some potential benefits in certain situations.