THE MYTH
op/ed essay by Al Blanco
One of the single biggest myths passed off as reality is that being a male porn actor is a "dream" job.
The reason this is usually said is obvious: a porn actor’s job is to have sex with many attractive women. If a guy’s goal is to fuck lots of hot girls, being a male porn actor is the single least efficient method of making that goal a reality.
If all you want to do is fuck hot girls all the time, the easiest way is to be rich. Not only will you fuck any girl you want, you will actually live an opulent lifestyle. As per Wikipedia, the average male porn actor makes $40,000 a year. That’s ballin all right… if you live in Ethiopia.
40 grand a year isbullshit money. Think there is a woman on the planet that Bill Gates can’t have if he wanted her? 99% of women have a price, and Bill can meet 100% of those prices.
The next best way is to be famous and talented, however being famous alone is good enough. Let’s say Kevin Federline and your average 40K a year porn actor push up to a girl in a Hollywood club, who do you think is hittin that later? No question, K-Fed will deliver.
Of course the way to ensure getting all the pussy you want is to be rich, famous AND talented.
Let’s take three men of comparable age and looks who have ran through a ton of broads: Gene Simmons, Donald Trump and Ron Jeremy. Actually, compared to Ron and Gene, the Donald is actually easy on the eyes.
Gene looks like a subway rat and Ron wishes he looked like Gene. Between those three guys, who do you think has fucked the best and the most women? Spots 1 or 2 are debatable, but last place is not.
It’s Ron Jeremy. First off, Ron fucks bitches that aren’t even good enough to WORK for Trump, let alone please his ass. Gene Simmons?
Even Ron admitted in Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy that Gene has hit more shit than him and Ron is possibly the most prolific porn actor of all time. Let’s remember, a woman never had to get paid to fuck Gene’s ugly ass either.
So we know guys in porn fuck a lot, but is it the kind of fuckin a guy really wants to do? The kind with a room full of people, half the time an uninterested partner who has been ran through by all your friends, one where you might have to stop to have lighting fixed. Sex that people you actually respect will see. Sex with a partner on drugs just to fuck you. That shit is not for me.
A lot of people in porn are married. Mazel Tov to them. Marriage is a beautiful thing. A female porn star can find a regular Joe Shmoe dumbass to wife them and put the ring on it and not care that she bangs out with random dudes for the world to see.
When male porn actors get married, it’s always to someone else in porn. I don’t know about you, but whenever I get married it’s not gonna be to someone that other dudes have seen taking a DP. I will never be at a romantic dinner with my wife and see the look in a waiter’s eyes when he realizes he’s busted about 100 nuts stroking to my wife. No way no how, not ever.
You’re a guy that fucks in porn, you ain’t gettin’ work no where else. If that’s fulfilling to you, God bless my man. The fact is if there is any teenagers reading this that wants to fuck like a male porn star, I suggest you hit the books and make that loot. Short of that, find a talent and exploit it. The youngest Jonas brother fucks better bitches more often than any guy in porn, do I really need to say more?
Of course there is one other way to make it happen. It’s not being good looking, or a weally, weally sweet guy. It’s having game. You can be a broke, ugly, untalented loser who lives with his mom, but if your game is tight you can fuck almost anyone you want, anytime you want. Out of all the qualities needed to constantly fuck hot girls, game is the only one that is innate, so most people either gotta get the money, develop their talents, or go on a reality show.
NL- This is one of your best yet AL, but I am still trying to decide if I am happy or sad that I make the same as a male porn star. At least I get benefits, lol. ( and to be perfectly clear, my income is from my full time job writing for magazines, NOT from LIB, lol)