We all recently saw the post here regarding the 10
things you should never say to a porn star, however
what was left out was WHY you should not say them.
10. You’re too pretty to do porn.
I hate to be like one of the guys from Mythbusters, but no one in porn is too pretty to do porn. If they were, they wouldn’t being doing porn to begin with. Girls that are too pretty to do porn are plucked at an
early age to do real modeling, they become actresses, or they just marry rich guys, however those girls never, ever get into porn. Think Cindy Crawford had a tough choice between becoming a world famous model and getting cum splattered on her in videos? Just the fact that a bitch does porn means she will never be a ten. Not every facet of attraction is physical and a ten is exclusive, therefore just by doing porn a womanlowers her attractiveness that much. A porn bitch can
never be the epitome of desire. If you ain’t a dime, you ain’t too pretty for porn.
9. Your vagina must be really worn out.
You shouldn’t have to ask this because you should know it’s true. The average dick is about 5 inches. The average porno dick is like 8 inches. What do you think constantly getting pounded out by an abnormally sized dick does to a pussy?
8. I would never watch porn. I think it is degrading to women.
Lying is wrong.
7. How do I get my girlfriend/wife to do ________?
Unless a day at the office for your girl includes getting fucked in the ass and guzzling cum, you are asking the wrong person. Additionally, if you can get your girl to drink your and your friends cum out of a
glass, you should probably run away from her as fast
as possible.
6. Wow! You’re so much prettier/younger/thinner in your photos.
In photos Beverly D’Angelo could still be fuckable. On TV and in the movies we see all sorts of shit thatsnot really there. That’s why they call it magic.
5. I pleasured myself to you 10 times this week!
This should be a no brainer, but the truth is this one is the most appropriate thing to say out of all them in my opinion. If I’m a well known chef and you approached me and said, "I cook with your recipes 7days of the week", I would say "Thank You." Why is that? Because recipes are made to cook meals. That statement is just expressing ones utilization of porn material. Porn is made for nothing else than to jerk off with and that statement is a compliment. Is it the guy’s fault his favorite porn bitch is emotionally scarred, hating of her profession and so self absorbedshe can’t appreciate a compliment?
4. I could do porn.
Is that saying anything? Is making porn a specialgift? You give a guy enough Viagra and he can fuck a bitch in front of his mom.
3. Are those yours?
Notice how high they appear to rank on Moh’s hardness scale? Notice how they don’t move? Spotting fake titties is shooting fish in a barrel.
2. Do you think you are going to hell?
If she is, you are too.
1. I wanna take you out on a "real" date.
Is date a code word for sex in this one? It’s the only way I can see asking that question. A date optimally leads to a relationship. Why would you want to have a relationship with someone who does porn?
This is the saddest question out of all them. Ask someone to shoot you if you have notions of a porn chick being Ms. Right.
That being said if there were some sort of hypothetical situation were one was forced to date a porn actress, you could do a lot better than Stormy.
This bitch gargles nuts for a living, has a name that sounds like something from The Weather Channel and she expects to be asked 60 Minutes type questions?
Bitch, know your role.
Ditto, Al Blanco!
Things Al Blanco says to a porn whore if he’s lucky enough to see one:
1. Can I please take your picture? I write for LIB.
2. Can I please grab your tits or ass in the picture?
3. Will you please sign the pictures for me?
4. Thank you for your time. I have to go catch the bus.
5. I’ll see you in the next convention. (That is if he’ll be alive by then.)
I liked your take on Stormy´s ten.
Highlights:
“Think Cindy Crawford had a tough choice between becoming a world famous model and getting cum splattered on her in videos?”
“Additionally, if you can get your girl to drink your and your friends cum out of a
glass, you should probably run away from her as fast
as possible.”
“Why would you want to have a relationship with someone who does porn?
This is the saddest question out of all them. Ask someone to shoot you if you have notions of a porn chick being Ms. Right.”
About your question, well, have you heard of suitcase pimps?
Hey kernel, where’s your shit at, thought you had a “column”?
the dry cleaner called and they have good and bad news… they shrunk your favorite leisure suit, but they were able to get all the cum stains out… for some reason the jizz was collected in the rear
thank you rics, not for nothing you are one of the more insightful people on this board, I just can’t understand your bromance with kernel… I see you real luke
Al, I was busy with some personal and business matters, but I’ll send some new article in a few days so you can follow up with my excellent work and learn from me. I know this may come as a surprise to a poor bastard like you, but some of us should work.
And you should work for me. Hell, you already are.
put on your leisure suit and dance for me monkey… ha ha ha ha ha ha
Al, stop kissing Ric’s ass you fucking nerd. Shut up and write something funny, you turd.
I’ll put on my leisure suit when I’m fucking your ass balls deep, you little butt munching faggot.
and i’ll get a tan, in the sand, then I ran, cause I’m the man, I have a plan, damn
LOL… the cleaner also was able to get the cum off of you picture of me in the inside pocket from your leisure suit… so i guess it’s stayin alive, stayin alive
So what’s your plan, getting on the grey hound bus and coming to LA to blow me?
Give me your address so I send you some porn DVDs,food stamps and a bus ticket.
here it is:
123 hop off my dick you fag Ave.
bitch please, FU 10000
That’s not good enough, that’s where your family lives. I asked for YOUR address, the crumbling shit hole you share with the drunken pissing guy.
that’s memories kernel, like when you saved all your pennies to come to NY and go to studio 54 and then blew the bus boy in the bathroom for a gram of yayo
Bullshit, that’s not memories, that’s the story of your life, you fucking little loser.
Why are you beating around the bushes and telling me my own jokes, you fucking copy cat fuck? You gotta try to be a better clown, or I’ll find someone else to fuck with and teach him kung fu.
lol kung fu?
come out the closet kernel, its 2009 its ok lol
Yes you moron, kung fu: the ancient art of kicking your fucking ass.
fucking my ass? damn you are gay ass hell kernel
Getting fucked in the ass shouldn’t be anything new to you. That’s how you pay your rent and make a living, from your ass to your mouth. Say it ain’t so.
Come on Al, come clean. The way I’ve been pimping you here on LIB, one ad on Craig’s list will get you some goodly amount of work. No more pacing up and down the 5th Ave. Work from your crusty home.
do i have to put you on everything? you cant work as a ho a 5th, not nowadays, maybe when you were my age, but not now… i used to live on lexington ave… but that was in jersey city
I like Stormy, she is a tough smart chick and looks out for number 1. My kind of gal.
AND Al & Colonel you are acting like two pathetic children. You both write for LIB, you should show the site and each other a little respect. Your gay squabbling about nothing is BOOORRRRING!
i agree, but this man chooses not to
MissBiatch, me and Al are just having a little fun, what’s wrong with that, who says if two guys write for a website they can’t have a little fun? It’s all good.
And Al, this man is kicking your ass and loving it.
lol…. we are together on this one… whats wrong with some fun?
kernel tell this bitch to dance LOL… im playin biatch, any woman who watches porn is good money to me… i think ive stroked to you, but maybe it was kay
There you go, MissBiatch, send me and Al some nude pictures. It’s a porn message board for fuck’s sake, some us some tits and ass.
So Colonel I leave for a week of R&R in Mexico and you are cheating on me with MissBitch2U? That is no way to treat a lady! You will get spanked for it.
Yes AL he loves to get spanked by me!
Kay, don’t worry. We’re gonna throw a threesome with me, you and MissBiatch. You girls just gotta let me bring my camera.
How is Mexico? Take some nude pictures at the beach and send them over.
figures kernel is a little biznatch that likes to get spanked
oh yeah, i’ll take the nude pics, thats only southern hospitality right 😉
Al, you retarded virgin, where have you been? I thought it was you they found in Detroit:
http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090128/METRO08/901280491
While I realize that calling AL a virgin is just you being a BIg Dick Colonel, if he was, I’d do him. Maybe that would improve his overall view of women, which doesn’t seem very good. AL, Do you have Mother issues? You have a love/lust/hate relationship with women in your essays.
MissBiatch2U Says:
‘if Al was a virgin, I’d do him.’
I wonder who would that help more, him or you. Nonetheless, I gotta be there with my camera and my six pack beer.
MissBiatch (laying down with her legs spread open): God Damnit Al, find the hole, find the fucking hole and fuck it.
Al (kneeling before MissBiatch with his dick in his hand): I can’t find it, I’ve never done this before. I just wanna go home.
The Colonel (Drinking his beer while scratching his balls): Come on you fucks. Get over it and get busy. My beer is getting warm.
Fuck you Alfonso.
Biatch: Suffice it to say I’m not about to use this for catharsis of any issues I have… I love and respect women… I was raised by a single mother… I just can’t stand selfish bitches, and being a selfish bitch has nothing to do with what you do for a living… In a perfect world I wouldn’t have any use for a selfish bitch whatsoever, but I’m not perfect and neither is the world…
kernel: you want to fist my ass, you want to watch me fuck… you love me like a fat kid loves cake, but I don’t get down like that ass clown…