Holly’s Happy Birthday

Miss Randall writes on XPT: "It was my first sober birthday, which was a little weird. I actually started the day off in a great mood, but then got progressively more depressed as the day went on. I’ve always taken my birthday off of work, and I usually have what I call "Hollyfest": a week of parties, dinners, and a lot of boozing. This year was very quiet, and anti-climatic in a way. I wasn’t expecting anything grand, but for some reason I was disappointed. I hate growing older, and I know this sounds stupid, but when I was a little girl, I thought I would be engaged or married by now. Or at least be in a relationship that might be headed that way. I didn’t think I’d be an alcoholic commitment-phobe who would rather spend an evening working than going out on a date. Actually scratch that — I’d rather spend an evening getting my toenails ripped out than go on a date. I crave yet fear intimacy, but before I had alcohol to suppress that fear. So without it I’m at a loss of how to deal with relationships (not that I was dealing with them well when I was drinking). I don’t know, I think I’m just hormonal right now, but I’m glad my birthday’s over, and I’m in no hurry for the next one. Maybe by then I’ll grow up and I won’t be so whiny about it."