Fred emails:
Hi Luke,
I just clicked on Shelley Lubben’s myspace page where she talks about how bad it is being a porn star. It occurs to me that I should start a support web site about attorneys seeking to leave the legal profession.
Shelley complains that that porn producers and actors just use each other. It occurs to me that lawyers and clients use each other. Lawyers have clients to give them money. The clients only see the lawyers when they have a legal problem. They don’t really love each other. Yeah, every once in a while, a client will say something nice, like "gee, you’re really smart." But do they really care about me as a person? I don’t think so. When I’m done representing them in court, they never call. It’s all so depressing. And what happens when you lose a case? There’s absolutely no understanding.
Why do lawyers really practice law? I’ll tell you the truth–more often than not it’s just because of the money. It’s true. If that client weren’t paying us lots of money, do you think we would represent him? No way!
Of course the money’s good–it’s seductive at first. You work in a fancy office building, and everyone wears expensive suits and expensive wrist watches. But after a while, you began to see how shallow it really is. And after a while you become really callous and jaded. On more than one occasion, I spent most of my day simply trying to figure out how to shtuppe the receptionist.
A client comes in. Sure you act friendly, shake his hand, ask him if he wants some coffee while you meet, smile…. but all the while you’re thinking: how much is this going to be worth to the firm? Is his credit good? Is he able to pay our bills? If he has no money, we’re not going to take him on as a client.
Every once in a while, when companies plan litigation, they audition several law firms, and invite them to make a pitch. In the legal profession they’re called "beauty contests". Each law firm tries shamelessly to pimp itself out to try to get a case that will bring in lots of money. It’s all so cheap and shameless!
The whole affair is tawdry. I feel cheap and used–like all the dignity has been sucked out of me.
Luke, what can I do? Who can I turn to? I’ve decided to form a support group and ministry to attend to the needs of lawyers and former lawyers. Our members will wear t-shirts called "JC’s Lawyers". We plan to show up at the court houses and bar association meetings, just talk to the lawyers there, and try to get them to see how shallow and meaningless their lives really are, and how much rewarding and fulfilling their lives could be if only they would switch professions.
What do you think?
F
P.S. Lubben really lays it on thick, especially in her video of a speech to a church congregation. I suspect that deep down inside she’s an attention junkie.