He writes:
Dear Lovers,
Nope, sorry to burst your bubble but this is not a suicide note, haha. (And for those of you who really were thinking it was and coming here excitedly hoping for that, I think you’ve just found your own personal litmus test gauging just what truly horrible pathetic excuses for human beings that you haters really are and karma will get you (if I don’t get you first, haha, JUST KIDDING.) I know this is too long, but fuck it, it’s my LAST POST, so indulge me. I’ve tried to number my points as not to be accused of ranting, but I know the haters will try to spin it that way anyway or try to accuse me of being on drugs but honestly, it’s not any of that. It’s just my last post so I have a lot of last words, so shall we?
1. I came in here, not expecting much and and I wasn’t wrong. This place is a horrible waste of time. It was fun for a little while but I think one point that we can ALL agree on is that it was getting repetitive and monotonous, no? Again I say, it’s you haters fault. You haters were boring and repetitious with YOUR attacks I only EVER responded, so how many different ways exist to give a snarky response to the SAME ATTACKS? But really? That was my point all along. How’ve you haters kept this repetitive shit up for FIVE YEARS without getting bored? See, all the while you’ve been hating, you’ve also been watching my career continuously climb, winning THREE AVN AWARDS, directing big budget FEATURES, and continuing to yes, earn a six figure a year income and that’s solely from performing, not even counting my directing money. Whatever damage you ever thought you were doing was ephemeral at best, it was all in your heads. Where is the evidence that it EVER worked in the REAL WORLD? THAT is where I say you guys were/are wasting your time and completely and utterly delusional and ultimately quite powerless. To wit: XPT is NOT the real world. Just because you post things here doesn’t make them true. Sad but NOT true.
2. You know, I was gonna ask you hater lot, "Ok, what will it take for you guys to SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. To leave me the fuck alone? To stop wasting your lives posting about me fifty times a day (Don)? And I’ve come to the conclusion that you haters all are just too far gone in your obsessive compulsive psychosis. There is no answer to my question. Your rampant homophobia, your misplaced self-anger, your JEALOUSY (just fucking admit it already) won’t LET you leave me alone. I’m your addiction. I am what gets you off. You love me. Admit it. I am what gets you haters out of bed in the morning. Yet, why no matter how fruitlessly you see all of your rancor and EXHAUSTIVE hater efforts fail to affect my career, (whether I respond or not), to you, why do you continue day after day (incl. Sundays!?), week after week, month after month, and year after year? A: I am just too compelling for you haters to NOT pay attention, too. And I just win too much, right? I’ve gotten too much pussy, too much money, too much success, I’m too good looking, my body is to "in-shape," I’m too smart, I’m too funny and you just. can’t. stand it. You haters in here won’t stop til you see me dead, (right, Willie? You sicko loser!) You haters are disgusting human beings. Live and let live, I say.
3. What have I EVER done to any of you, personally? If you don’t like my performances, don’t watch them. But what did I ever do to YOU to deserve such bitter, bitter hatred. Because I’m egotistical? So what. Was I ever egotistical to you personally (besides this board, haha). Nope, I don’t know ANY of you, and YOU DON’T ME (get that through your thick fat fucking skull, Don, you’re such a CREEP!!). My ego? Guess what? I’m a pornstar. You’ve seen me on your screens fucking the girls you wanna fuck, I know, hey, sorry, pal, we all have our lot in life. Mine was too fuck these girls and yours was to jack off to it. Get over it. And you know the other porn stars that you say are humble? They’re ALL secretly egotistical, they just hide it better than me. Believe it. To fuck in front of a camera, if you are NOT using caverjet, you MUST have an ego. No sheepish dudes are EVER gonna be able to get it up and pop on cue in porn. Sorry, even the guys you all think as "Mr. Congeniality" in porn are just better politicians than me. I keep telling you guys about my "punk rock roots." I just can’t bullshit and "play nice" when haters like you lot who don’t know me, have never met me, decided to start fights when nothing in my life concerns you ever at all, so wtf?
4. XPT R.I.P. This place was D.O.A. what before I got here. You could do a search and come up with a million posts you all have made pretty much lamenting it’s demise or it having "been better before." Well, for seven (or so)glorious days I resurrected your little shitboard, I WAS THE TRUE PORN JESUS OF XPT. LOL. And now it’s time for me to die for your sins, my bitter flock of obsessive DISCIPLE trolls. But you know in your little hater hearts that XPT will NEVER be quite the same. Like B.C. and A.D. there will be an XPT B.L. and an XPT A.D. But the only death it will refer to is your own. I’ve taken the BIGGEST SHIT EVER on this hater dump even in the recorded history of XPT-including fight challenges, not one but two banner changes just for li’l ol’ me (completely unprecedented), multiple locked threads within days, thousands of posts against me (and many supportive, thanks y’all!), I had mentally challenged mods deleting and changing my posts, posting AS ME (again unprecedented). It was like 50 of the haters vs. pretty much just me. And the bastards never laid a glove on me. I wasn’t even ever banned, not even suspended. This place will be snoozeville and empty and dull in comparison without me now. You’ll have to go back to attacking Ryan again, haha. (Give’em hell, Ryan!) D.O.A. worse than before, I say. I know you cowardly hater fucks will post a million responses now that you know I’m not coming back (and never reading this site again so go ahead waste your time, impress you sad excuse for "friends") but I don’t care. It’s all empty here now. Every single future stupid remark made about me will be a reminder of the GLORIOUS SEVEN DAYS OF XPT, when I made XPT the hottest ticket in porn, by even the haters’ admission, holding the eye and ear of many in and out of the adult business.
5. I suspect Willie and the rest of THE LEGION OF SUPERPUSSIES will with time continue to secretly and not so secretly delete all my old posts because my posts ripped them new assholes too good too many times and everyone knows it and they can’t take what they dish out because they are stupid cowardly cunts. They are internet bullies and like all bullies, when you stand up to them as I have done in a big way they delete your posts and post as you and show you what true cowards they really are. And you know why? Because they can’t take their own medicine and I proved that not only am I better at real life than they are I was better even at XPT than they were, haha. Fucktards.
666. So This is my last post here. (That’s why it’s so long, sorry.) I spent like two or three hours on here last night and that’s too much. I’ve had my say. And now it’s time to move on and let all you haters drown in your own obscurity and bad feelings. Plus, I really want to apologize to Trish for remarks I made about her illness, tho I felt justified since she failed to defend me or speak up when her hater "friends" were publicly posting that they wished on me the very affliction SHE HAS. Yet you attack me? Anyway for myself, my response, tho completely justified, proved to me as Neitzche said, "Battle not ye monsters lest ye become a monster." I don’t want to be an XPT monster. I don’t want to fight that dirty with you, Trisha, no matter how much you started it, but I tried to be friends and you insisted on insulting me. However, in the final analysis yes, I apologize (and I think you owe me one, too, but I don’t expect you to be as mature). And btw, for those of you who may want to spin this this way, I swear I haven’t in any way shape or form been asked to stop posting here by anyone via e-mail or phone or anything so don’t even try that one, no one has scared me off, I’m choosing on my own volition to stop running around in circles with jerkwad losers. As far I know my shooting dates remain intact for THE LAST AMERICAN GIGOLO despite Don’s worst efforts, haha. But alas, ye haters, It’s time to plop you all back into the toilet of anonymity (where GiGi lives, haha). Sorry. I now how you HATE it there so… tough shit. Haha. At least you’ll have your hate to share and keep you warm, for whatever pathetic existence that’s worth. (One last one, tho- Hey Crippie-boy Burgie! (singing) Get up, STAND UP, STAND UP for your rights (against haters like Crippie-boy), Get up, STAND UP, Don’t give up the fight! Against haters like Crippieboy Burgie, haha. Sorry. Had to push you in the pool one last time, Burgie. I love ya!) See, haters? In a way, one cannot help but feel sorry for you douchebags. But how it came to be that your hatred of a PORNSTAR could come to be the single most dominating factor in your miserable existences is something you will all have to soul search and wrestle with yourselves over for a lonnnnnggg time to come.
777. Heaven. Valinor. (Forgive me but I’m gonna let my inner geek out for a moment.) Yes, I’m moving to Spain. I’ve made an investment that is paying off for me in ways that I may never have to work in porn again. I may or may not come back to shoot. But it’s not up to anyone but me. Those of you who hoped I would come to a horrible end were wrong. I beat you. I won. I did whatever I wanted in this adult business and I was handsomely rewarded with awards, travel, money, women and fame. And you haters were powerless to ever stop me. Ever. And any of you who may try to spin that my moving to the gorgeous, liberal country of Spain is in anyway my flunking out of porn, well, my friends, then you can count me as the biggest Porno High School Drop Ever. I’m the kid with the AC/DC jacket, smoking in the bus loop between classes who ended up as Eddie Van Halen compared to you hater Waldos. Anyway, oh yeah, Spain and my own inner geek… To me it’s like at the very end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy when Frodo, Bilbo, Gandalf and elves are leaving middle-earth (pornvalley). I destroyed my ring of power. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. To be a pornstar is to know a version of that. Like in the Lord Of the Rings, you cannot wield this power without it corrupting you. If I don’t let it go now, I will end up like Gollum or Rick Masters, hahahaha. (Sorry, Rick, you know I love ya.) I choose a mortal life, because I can. I graduated. Yet, Iike Frodo, I have been stabbed by the Mordor blade, porn is in my system, I can’t stay in L.A. and not be in porn and I want to move on. So I’m leaving for the grey havens, then onto the shores of Valinor. Spain. Maybe to return (as I have pointed out, Laura from Naughty America has offered to fly me to and fro to continue working for them on a limited basis, I also have my friends at Hustler (Hi Scott, Jeff), my contacts in Oakland and more and more, so the door is always open to return IF I WISH (thanks forever for that, Laura, I love you!) but for now, I want to see more of the world beyond this country. And now I can. And I really hope that all you haters can find one tenth of the peace I have now found. When they ask you: Whatever happened to three time AVN award winning adult film star Kurt Lockwood who performed in nearly 1500 scenes all over the world with over 1100 women and directed nine movies-including soundtrack to performances- which were distributed in the hundreds of thousands across the globe?? A: Lockwood? That lucky bastard, he fell in love with a beautiful, young Spanish girl. He made wise investments that allowed him to retire to the gorgeous coast of her home country where they were married and raised a loving family.. and he lived happily ever after….
"…the rest is silence…"
– Hamlet, William Shakespeare
Queerbot responds:
Kurt, if you could have just been a bit more gracious, I could have held my tongue…
I used to be a regular client of a very well-known escort service. They had a public list, and for established clients, a discreet private "specials" list.
Kurt, as you well know, your male escort services were available. To your credit, the fee was 3000/
hour, more than most of the females. But still, this is for taking it up the ass from old businessmen mainly.So you are so full of shit when you say you never escorted dude. I know I know, they stole your information, right? Like anyone believes that shit…
Anyway, I’m going to check back with the agency and see if your rump is still rentable. And if it is, I’m gonna drop the cash it takes and put your lying rectum to sleep.
Sad really, Kurt. Next time be a little more gracious.