From The Onion:
SAN FRANCISCO—Though she greets you every morning with a smile, sometimes chats with you, and makes sure the chocolate syrup is evenly distributed throughout your mocha, Starbucks barista Molly Sopel is in truth not flirting with you, and is instead simply a pleasant person and conscientious employee, coffeeshop sources reported Monday.
Any time an attractive woman talks to me volitionally for more than five minutes, I’m always convinced that she wants to sleep with me. About one time in a thousand, I’m right.