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Sporting silicone boobs, Million measures 37D-26-34 and did not respond well to criticism of her enlargement on the internet newsgroup alt.sex.movies.. "You guys are all such hypocrites. Before I had my implants, men used to say to me, "You'd be hot if you only had tits." Then I got implants and the same men said, "Oh, you got fake tits, too bad." You guys don't know what you want. Good thing I got them for little old me...who gives a rats ass what some dickless wonders think." A contortionist able to swallow Ron Jeremy's thick tool, the blonde cocksucker pulls an anal train Starbangers 6. Tyffany wants her tombstone to read: "Here she lies, with a cock in her mouth and a smile on her face, having tried to deepthroat Long Dong Silver." HEVG: "Even the hottest X chick suffers when she appears in too many movies in too short a time. Tyffany Million frustrates the hell out of my dick, because there was a time when the sight of her made me pop. Million...forces energy in the same way that made Teri Weigel's screams of ecstasy more annoying than Ron Jeremy's hairy gut. Million seems to pattern her entire presentation after the Playboy bunny-turned-X-film-bore [Teri Weigel] with plastic tits that look like a Mr. Potato Head doll." Unlike other porn stars, Million doesn't want to go out on the road stripping because she has a young daughter and in 1993, a new husband (Ritchie Razor) who studied Physics in college. Tyffany doesn't enjoy older men in bed. "I've dated them. That's why my husband's four years younger than me. Every older man I've been with could not get his dick up and keep it there. I was seeing an older man a few months ago...a famous actor. We'd be trying to f--- and every time he'd lose it, he'd laugh about it. I didn't think it was funny." The muscular blonde talks openly about bedding such celebrities as Larry King and Pauly Shore. Her best friends are usually men twice her age such as pornographers Michael Ninn and Philip Charles Rothstein AKA Jeanne Pierre Ferrand. In an email interview with Barbara Loew, Tyffany wrote: "Becoming an Adult Film Star was a very calculated and deliberate decision on my part, and I was very methodical in my approach to both entering the world of the Adult Film Actress and the roles of both "Porno "Producer" and "Porno Director." I have been quite successful at every role I've played in the "biz", as all of my self-directed and produced features have been nominated for at least one award, including "Best Video Feature of the Year" for three of six titles. "To me, a professional is one who strives to do nothing less than his or her best in all areas related to his or her profession. I certainly have lived up to that definition throughout my XXX career. "I have one lasting friendship that came from my years in the biz. He is my best friend to this day, a true friend [Ferrand]. Our relationship is a platonic one, and despite our twenty-two year age difference, we understand each other like no two people ever have." Million produced her own line of videos, supposedly aimed at women without losing the hardcore edge that men prefer. In reality, the tapes differ little from typical smut. In 1993, Tyffany wrote, produced and directed Jailhouse Cock as well as performing in four of the five scenes. The energetic blonde's intention was simple - "To put the filth back in dirty movies." "Jailhouse Cock is about horny guys in a prison run by dominating females who can't get enough sex from women and men." Debi Diamond, Sharon Kane, Brittany O'Connell, Tony Tedeschi, Steven St. Croix and Tyff's husband of the time - Ritchie Razor - perform. "The cameraman and co-director, Jean-Pierre Ferrand could shoot a porn movie on the sinking Titanic and not be miffed by it," writes AFW. "This is the guy who started doing two porn videos in a day and not only brought the movies in on time and under budget, but some occasionally decent reviews as well. And when he gets the money and the time, he can come up with award winning porn. Jean shot the original Hustler video line. "When it comes time for Tyffany to get it on with Tony Tedeschi, Jean-Pierre takes over the directorial chores and Tyffany gets into her actress mode...plenty of spitting on Tony's dick, lots of dirty talk and loads of wide open pussy shots dangled in full view of the crew. "...It doesn't take long for the three women Tyffany, Debi and Sharon to begin sucking toes, spitting on feet and licking each other's pussies until their hands are glistening with girl-cum and their mouths are wet... Ferrand lets the ladies go to it until they all experience orgasms." (AFW) Million appears in Twists of the Heart. "Houston gets into a cinch with aging trollop Tyffany, who can look like the arse-end of a number 32 bus on a bad day, but here attacks every knob, arsehole and cunt in her immediate reach with an abandon that occasionally verges on the alarming. Sure, Tyffany's a shagged-out old warhorse, but she gives it her all. Wearing inch-deep makeup, modeling a moderately cocked-up wab-adjustment and blessed with pissflaps like Gene Autry saddlebags, the unsinkable Miss Million knows which is the business end of a cock. In additon, she gives bottle-fed Americans what they really want to see - lactating nipples. One of her scenes culminates with a straight-forward cum cum-shot, plus a second translucent emission from the nursing nips of Tyffany Mill." (HEVG) Tyffany enjoys mothering her baby girl born in 1991. "I have to divide my time between being a mother and a working woman. In my case, there isn't a father around to carry part of the load, which increases pressures and responsibilities. "Porn's been good to me, it may not be good to her. When she's 16, 17, 18 years old and wants to be a porn star, more power to her. If she wants to be a lawyer, more power to her." Tyffany's one brother, two years younger, lives in Maryland. Tyff's dad died several years ago. Her mother lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. "When I was 13 years of age and living at home, I used to sneak into my stepdad's drawer to read his Hustler magazine. My mom thought it strange that I didn't leaf through her Playgirls. I wanted to look at girls even though I'm heterosexual. "I went to Catholic school and I was a rebel. I'd always get into trouble for uniform violation, or swearing... The first time I saw a porno, I thought, "Wow, that's something I want to do." "Technically, I lost my virginity to a bicycle seat. When I was twelve, in 1978, I stole my brother's bike, jumped on the banana seat and went...ouch! "I lost my virginity when I was 17 to my boyfriend. I was tricked into it because I didn't plan to have sex until after I graduated from high school. We played hookey from school one day when he just scooped me up from the couch and carried me into the bedroom. I remember asking him after he penetrated me, "Is it in?" He said, "It's been in." I thought, "Is that all there is to it?" One thing that stuck though, was that I gave him head. Ever since then, that's been my favorite thing to do. Now, whenever I do a sex scene, I always go "Get back, I wanna suck your dick!" Before porn, Million wrestled on the TV show GLOW which stood for Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. She played the part of Crazy Daisy in Caged Fury, also did the cable shows The Sleeping Car, My Two Dads, Tales From the Crypt opposite Demi Moore and Dark Justice. Million told Loew: "I have had my breasts "done" five times, so I guess that answers your question as to how I feel about the "Natural Breasts vs. Implants" controversy. I got mine done the first time in June of '87, way before I ever made a movie. At the time I was a dancer and mud-wrestler, right before my entrance into the world of REAL professional wrestling in September of that same year. "All of the girls I worked with doing the mud-wrestling had had their boobs done. In February of that same year, I had moved to So Cal from No Cal, where I had lived the first 21 years of my life. NO ONE at the place where I danced in San Francisco (the Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theatre) had had a boob job. They were unheard of at that time in SF, and there was no pressure to have large breasts. Boy what a contrast when I moved here to LA (actually I first moved to Orange County.) There was enormous pressure to have large breasts, and I didn't make nearly the amount of money that my co-workers with the implants did. So I got mine done, and my salary soared. "Women in the adult biz have a very specific purpose (as actresses, that is.) We are fantasies for men. Fodder for the erotic imagination. And for most men, the ideal fantasy woman is built like a brick s--- house. I consider the implants I have, and the rest of the plastic surgery I have done, as necessities for survival in this industry. They are much the same to me as tools are to a carpenter, or hairbrushes, scissors and a blow dryer are to a hairdresser. "I have never had a weight problem, per se. I tend to be kinda dumpy and pudgy if I don't watch my diet and work out like a fiend, which I do almost religiously. I work out at a gym at least five days a week, and take various exercise classes. I have been on a lowfat diet since before it was the thing to do, and everyone thought I was nuts for avoiding things like oils, butter, cheese, sour cream, and salad dressings." Hard Copy produced an unaired segment on Tyffany called "The Making of a Porn Star" and tracked her career, interviewing friends of hers from Roman Catholic day school. Million says Sarah Jane Hamilton used to be her best friend and lover. "Then one day she didn't want to talk to me anymore. Please tell her that I still love her and wish her the best. I miss her with all my heart... Boo hoo..." After many false starts, Million retired from porn in 1996 after performing in Michael Ninn's Shock. "I'm bored and need new challenges," she told AVN. "The mainstream industry has come knocking." Tyff claims that a producer was so impressed by her talk show appearances that he's attaching her to a forthcoming cable TV miniseries. She also claims to have found a New York literary agent for her memoirs, "Good Girls Do: The Making of a Porn Star." Million says she'll be the "first X-rated person to cross over without renouncing my past... I want to maintain my contact with the adult industry. As much as the industry hasn't supported me, I still support it.... I've been under a glass ceiling the last two years. I can't do anything better. This industry seems to cater to the 18 and brainless crowd." (AVN 3/96) Tyffany doesn't have much luck with her relationships. In 1996, the credited publisher of New Rave married the Editor-in-Chief Jef Hickey. "We were drunk and in Las Vegas. I was in my Beavis and Butthead stage," recalls Tyffany. "It was fun being irresponsible after three years of marriage. And Jef seemed good company." Their marriage lasted a few painful months. "What did you expect? You married a porn star." Jef Hickey reports that he's heard that comment a million times since his divorce from Tyffany. "All the signs were there. I was astro-gliding toward a clitoral buzz saw. I was warned. I was preached at. I was envied. I was f---ing out of my mind. Did I heed the words of sarcasm and cynicism? No." Hickey says that it's a misconcept that the "beautiful goddess in stilletto heels on the TV screen, sucking bucket loads of semen from 15 men in a gangbang would make an excellent wife. "She sucked on screen but not at home," reports Jef who warns those considering marriage to a porn star. "Get ready for the nervous breakdowns over stretch marks, yeast infections, and obdurate reviews of her hard looks... Enjoy the erotic tales of sexual abuse by teenage baby-sitters, her mother's boyfriends... Get ready for stories of drug abuse, methamphetamine orgies with wrung out porn stars, and laugh at the celebrity she f---ed, just because he was there and she was tipsy." (HEVG) At the 1997 XRCO awards, Jef tried to get back into Tyff's good graces. "She was the best thing that ever happened to me," he said repeatedly. "I didn't do any drugs when I was with her." Planning a grand gesture for Valentine's Day to win back Million's love, Hickey organized a group of his friends to page Tyffany and act as cupids on his behalf. Unfortunately, Million chose February 14th to serve him with final divorce papers. "That was f---in' cold," says Jef. "I don't know why she played with me like that." After signing the papers and placing them in a Ziploc bag, Hickey's sought relief from his heartbreak by defecating in the package he mailed back to Tyffany's lawyer. "The whole thing is s--- to me anyway," says Jef. As of Spring, 1997, Hickey lived in a guest room by the pool of the porn investor popularly known as "Buck Adams' Dentist." (AVN) "He's really insane," Tyffany says about Jef. "He's a wacko. He's been staring in my windows and following me when I go to the grocery store." Hickey denies the charges. "Anyone who knows me, knows I've been so depressed and f---ed up lately that I couldn't even drive over there. I'm wasted at all times." Jef says the divorce is the best thing that ever happened to him. Million warns Hickey to be careful, because her new boyfriend is a kickboxing hairdresser who'd love the opportunity to kick Jef's ass. "After which," suggested AVN, "maybe he could do something with Hickey's psuedo-rock star hairdo. "Million also wanted to note for the record that, contrary to what we printed in our Dec. '96 issue, she was never thrown out of the East Coast Video Show. Hickey wanted to note that he did get thrown out of the show, but added, "I don't remember it happening."" (AVN) Tired of Hickey stalking her, Tyffany says she eventually had him arrested and jailed. Million intimidates many people who interview because she is so strong physically and mentally. One of the industry's most articulate members, she frequently appears on talkshows. In late 1996, she told Loew about her political leanings: " I am a registered Libertarian, although I tend to vote Republican in the big elections....this year, though, I'll probably vote Libertarian in the biggies as well, as neither Dole or Clinton is any less evil than the other. Same crap in a different package. "A feminist is one who fights for the right of women to question their traditional roles, in order for each and every individual woman to live her life as she sees fit, within the boundaries of not interfering with other's rights to live their lives as they see fit. (This is my own impromptu definition, and I haven't evaluated it for holes yet, so fire away if you find any!) "The Republican party could learn a lot from individualist feminists like myself. After all, considering the definition of a feminist given above, and taking into account the differences between the Democratic Party and the GOP - which by the way stands for "Grand Old Party", it seems to me that Republicans and individualist feminists should be natural partners. You're waiting for an explanation here, I know!!! "The original Republican ideal (before it somehow became muddied with all the anti-woman rhetoric...) was for a "hands-off" government, or at least for less government. Questioning the original intention of government as it was known at the time. (Historically, most governments worldwide have been either moderately or extremely socialist.) To me, the Democratic party has the least amount of Democracy, in comparison to the Republican party. The Democratic party ideal stands for a more custodial form of government, and in essence the GOP is almost renegade. "I will not vote for Dole or Kemp. These two so-called "Republicans" have gotten off the track of the original Republican platform. AND they have somehow convinced numerous Republican women that they know what's best for women and their bodies. (It blows me away that these women fall for this.) You and I both know that the whole abortion issue isn't about the rights of the unborn, it's about control over women's bodies, which men have historically considered their property and their domain. Ah, sigh, this is a whole book in unto itself." 11/11/99 Tyffany Million aka Sandra Margot writes: Hello to all my friends who live in So Cal (and those who travel here on business) As some of you may or may not know, I am deeply involved in the growing movement against the illegally enforced income tax. I no longer pay so-called "income" taxes OR Social Security, and it's 100% LEGAL. How do I do that? Well, thru my work in radio I had the great fortune of meeting the nation's leading authority on how to stop the government from taking your hard earned money..... the infamous Irwin Schiff, author of the best selling books "The Great Income Tax Hoax", "The Federal Mafia," "The Biggest Con: How the Government is Fleecing You" and more. It was thru this incredibly knowledgeable and forthright man that I learned a LOT about the illegal "income" tax. Did you know: NO LAW requires you to file "income" tax returns; NO LAW requires you to pay "income" taxes; NO LAW authorizes the IRS to audit your books; NO LAW requires "income" tax withholding from your hard earned wages! Yes it's all true, and there is SO much more to it. This year alone Mr. Schiff and his organization, "Freedom Books" and the "Freedom Foundation" saved me over $6000 in taxes I THOUGHT I HAD TO PAY! If you want to know more, I have GREAT news! As a favor to me, Mr. Schiff has agreed to come to Los Angeles and hold a ONE TIME only seminar for my friends and family. It will be Saturday December 4 at the Universal City Sheraton Hotel. He normally charges $250 for this seminar, but because he's a big fan of mine (take advantage of this guys and dolls) he is allowing all of you to attend for only $100! Check out www.paynoincometax.com or phone 1-800-829-6666. Chaim Amalek writes: "Luke, thanks for the really funny satire by this Tiffany Million porn chick. I am sure that when one of your readers passes this bit of parody on to the IRS, the boys over there will have quite a chuckle too. "On a more serious note, I have discovered the secret of longevity, passed down to me via my Usetian forebears. It is a medal, struck from a most unusual metal extracted from a meteorite. Everyone who wears this medal for seventy five years is guaranteed to live to an old age. "I do not charge for the medal, because I believe that what falls from the sky is the common property of all mankind. All I ask is that you cover shipping costs (the postal authorities of Usetia are a very greedy lot). Please send me $97, (care of Luke F-rd, 264 S. La Cienega Blvd, PMB 1417, BH, CA 90211) and the Longevity Medal will be yours. Be well . . . . " CX writes: Luke, Here's a thought on Tiffany Million's brilliant plan o scam the federal government. "Did you know: NO LAW requires you to file "income" tax returns; NO LAW requires you to pay "income" taxes; NO LAW authorizes the IRS to audit your books; NO LAW requires "income" tax withholding from your hard earned wages!" Ummm....let me think back....oh yeah. The 16th Amendment of the Constitution EXPRESSLY grants the fed. govt to collect income taxes. Here is the full text. Amendment XVI "The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several states, and without regard to any census or enumeration." And as for the rest of Ms. Million's rantings, I believe they can all be covered in the Constitution's "necessary and proper" clause in Article I, Section 8. Here is the partial text of that clause (not the full section) "[Congress shall have the power] To make all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution the foregoing powers, and all other powers vested by this Constitution in the government of the United States, or in any department or officer thereof." Seems the only one guilty of fleecing the people is Irwin Schiff with his bogus seminar. I love it when porn people have brainstorms, you can see the smoke for miles. Gentile porner Mike South gives this free advice: " Luke the tax dodge that Sandy is referencing is a well known MLM scheme. I strongly advise against joining and against participation. the IRS can make your life miserable if they choose to make an example out of you it is the only body that can take your property without due process. You don't f--- with the IRS. LOTS of porners can attest to that. Don't line Sandy's pockets by placing yourself at risk of losing all that you have." From Craig "The Foreman" Whyel: "If Tiffany Million thinks she can pimp her tax scheme successully and get away with it; I think she's begging for trouble. I have a physician friend who got in with these anti-government types who fought against paying taxes and despite his trying desperately to sway my into the fold, I passed like a chickens---. I was, however, a free chickens---. My doctor, despite all his so-called knowledge and anti-goverment supporters did not pass go and went straight to jail. He got nary a postcard or letter of support from his so-called anti-tax allies. "If Sandy thinks she really got f---ed when took on 15 men in Starbangers 6, wait until the IRS gets wood-they can go all night long. Sandy, baby, I'm begging you, dump the anti-tax schill and got back to getting f---ed the way you're used to." Mike writes: Luke, that Tiffany Million stuff is funny, but there's actually something to be said for it. While the 16th Amendment does give Congress specific powers to "lay and collect taxes on incomes," the preamble to the Declaration of Independence expressly states "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness." What these people (the tax protesters) do is interpret decisions in federal courts and the Supreme Court to their ideals, and in doing so create a legal foundation for the idea that personal income (as a result of labor) is a right under the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. While a lot of their arguments make a lot of sense, we live in a society that views the income tax as a necessary evil, and no one in the federal government (particularly judges and the IRS) are interested in the personal interpretations of citizens when it affects their golden goose (taxing the citizenry). As a result, people like Irwin Schiff and Lynne Meredith (another anti-tax "guru") draw people in with promises of being free of income taxes and saving all this money for your own use. The reality is that they are the new snake-oil peddlers, and (as related by Craig) disappear when people who try what they suggest start falling down the slippery slope of IRS scrutiny. While some of their ideas are solid (putting assets into pure trusts, for example, and simply administering those trusts to yourself), most of the tactics will do nothing but get your ass reamed in a way that only people like Tiffany Million would really understand. That being said, I would still f--- 'er.
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