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Cynthia Plenum (nee Plenemtrowicz) was born into a military family based near Minot, North Dakota in August of 1974, "on the very day that Richard Nixon resigned", as she likes to tell it.

A middle child, her childhood was difficult. However, blessed with an exceptionally high I.Q. of 170, she left Minot soon after graduating from high school at the age of 16 and moved to Southern California, where she enrolled at the California Institute of Technology to pursue her dream of a career in academic pharmacology.

At first, Cindy was a star among stars. She proved to be a natural chemist, and boasted that she could synthesize any organic compound out of things she could buy at the local supermarket or, failing that, at a WalMart. Friends from those days say that her skill at organic synthesis and her interest in pharmacology "naturally" led to increasing self-experimentation. While she began with cocaine, she soon graduated to powerful hallucinogens - the start of her downfall. Cindy became increasingly withdrawn from her peers and her grades suffered as her experiments progressed. She began hearing voices, and in her junior year, was diagnosed a borderline schizophrenic.

At about this time, she met Bartholomew Lionheart (nee Barry Lifs---s), the enigmatic leader of the Church of Faith. Even at that time, the Church had already received substantial notoriety for its practice of using comely female followers to attract male members (and their assets) by "prostituting themselves for god", a practice that became known as flirty fishing. With her warm, winning smile and need for acceptance and affirmation, Lionheart saw in her the quintessential devotee and quickly turned her into a hooker for the cult (albeit one who followed the church edict against doing drugs). The subsequent break up of the cult led to a new personal breakdown for Cindy, as she came to regard herself as merely another prostitute plying her wares on the strip. To deaden the pain, she again turned to drugs, first cocaine, and then crank and LSD.

During this time Cindy became involved in the Underground Porn Movement, a little known school of pornography that insisted that every video be made in one and only one shoot, with no retakes, no artificial light, and no professional actors. Anarcho-syndicalist in orientation (with many former Marxists as members), the movement was never able to tap into the largely Mafia controlled porn distribution network, and thus was able to achieve little more than a small cult following. Looking back upon her oeuvre from those days, Cindy feels that her best videos were "Way Inside Cindy Plenum's Head," and "GynoMaster".

Cindy's life appeared to all to be out of control, as she sought ever more outrageous experiences, fulled by drug use and mental illness. The list of personal calamities from those days is as harrowing as it is long: unsuccessful breast augmentation surgery in Mexico at a liposuction clinic; a brief stint in jail for robbing a 7-11 (brief because the only "weapon" she employed was a cunningly camouflage dildo and a hard salami stolen from her last shoot), and a very brief marriage to a fan that was annulled when the groom turned out to be the second bride. She even sold the use of her body to medical concerns for drug testing, and sold her blood as well. She is even said to have attempted to lobotomize herself by performing trepanation with an auger stolen from a WalMart (Cindy denies this).

Finally the inevitable happened. While stoned and driving a stolen Camaro, Cindy slammed into an embankment at high speed. The resulting collision led to brain damage and disfigurement. The brilliant budding research scientist was no more. (A silent benefactor subsequently paid for her to undergo successful reconstructive surgery and therapy.) But then things began to turn around.

Rediscovered by a former classmate turned porn web master, she again became an underground cult figure, and is known for having sex with what she terms "microlivestock" - arthropods of various types such as insects, (most recently mosquitos). While this shields her from further fears of HIV, it does carry risks of its own, as Cindy is the first to acknowledge. (While doing a shoot in New York City in the summer of 1999, public health authorities discovered that some mosquitos were carrying a West Nile-like virus.)

Cindy remains popular on the cult Internet scene, especially among cyber-skinheads for refusing to have sex with blacks. Ever on the lookout for more outrageous stunts, she recently began experimenting with indirect sexual encounters with bees ("not the Africanized ones", she insists) and yellow jackets ("Bee-stiality") via her "boyfriend" Tibor (believed to be of Hungarian Jewish descent).

After viewing this biography, Cindy was given the opportunity to comment on it: "Sounds good. But please tell everyone I am not a racist, and I do not hate jews."

9/26/99

Sindee Plenum writes:

I am me, I am
Deny me my dignity
Not to walk with them?

What do you think, Luke? I am taking a course on this really cool sort of oriental poetry at community college called Haiku or something. I was thinking about how you will not acknowledge me as a person unless I prove that I am on the web. But if you put this on your website, then I will be on the web and then I will be a real person even by your ideas. Who am I? I am the worlds first TRUE internet porn star of the next millenium!. My style of talking and my calender of things I do is whatever you and your readers make it. I look like whatever you guys want me to, I act the same way and I won't give any of you any lip to boot! Maybe if I get real famous you can all make lots of money off of me, same as those video guys do with their girls.

Luke, I could not help but be moved by the stories you have been running lately. True or false, they made me think of my own sad experiences with bestiality a few months ago. I was in New York for a few days, waiting to meet my boyfriend who was egyptian and flying in from egypt (egypt is full of egyptian people!). Anyway, I met him and he seemed a bit sick and I was worried, but neither he or I had health insurance so I needed some money. I got it by goin on a shoot with Tibordu, evn though I also started feeling a bit sick. Things got really kinky and sick really fast. And to make it worse, I was having my period - really heavy (yuck!) Tibordu was using a really big lens, he said it was for extreme close ups. So he focuses in on my private parts, and sees that a bunch of mosquitos (I had to look up the spelling on that one) are lapping up my menstral blood! And he tapes it!!!! That's right, a bunch of mosquitos went down on me! If that is not sick , I do not know what is!

11/10/99

Cindy Plenum writes: "Dear Luke: Thank you so much for that very informative and empathetic profile of me that you posted on your web site. You really captured who I am, better than I could have myself. I have been through some very trying times (as you know), and am happy to see that some people care. (And yes, the new classes of psychotropic drugs that I have been prescribed by my physician really seem to help.)

"Empathy is, as it must be, a two-way street. It is no surprise to me to learn that you are gay; there have been rumors to that effect among the "AU-Kiwii" crowd (an informal, gay sons of the southern cross group) for some months now. And that drag outfit you wore to fool people fooled no one. No matter. You are still the Luke you were, and even if the worst comes to pass and you are rejected by everyone else, Cindy Plenum will always count you and be countable by you as a friend.

"One of your contributors recently wrote that people unfairly judged others by what they do with their lives, even if that is not them. How true! Whenever people find out about those videos I made with mosquitos, they tend to freak out and view me as some sort of slut. In fact, I am quite chaste, and limit my polymorphous bisexual conduct to sex with insects, not people. Yes, I take my lovers from the herd of microlivestock that I keep in an old spare tire out back in which the water always seems to pool, but that does not define who I am. Who am I? I am me, Cindy Plenum. Best wishes to you on your new life, and don't pay any attention to what other people have to say."

12/14/99

Porn star Cindy Plenum writes: "I found the reports of Kendra's plastic surgery very interesting, as it reminded me of the operations I had done recently in San Francisco by a doctor friend of mine. Unlike the procedures Kendra had done, mine were wholly natural, as I shall explain.

"First off, lets talk tits. Of course, I wanted bigger ones, but I also wanted them to be natural. At the same time, I felt that I had too much fat on my hips, so I wanted that removed. Most docs would have approached this as a two separate problems, but not my doc! First, he had me gain about ten pounds in preparation for the operation. Boy was I fat! On the day of the operation, he sucked the fat out of my hip region. Then, he pumped it into right back into my chest! He has some proprietary system which makes use of drugs that trigger the growth of blood vessels into fat, so that the fat cells are fed by my blood and can thrive in my chest, where they are most welcome. No scars, nothing artificial. He just takes from area A and moves it to area B. Someday all the girls will be getting this done!

"Next, lets talk lips. I wanted that bee-stung lip-look so popular these days. My doctor uses real bees to achieve the desired look. Sure, it hurts some, but it makes me even hotter looking, and at my age, that is all that really counts! With my swollen lips and new chest, I can walk down the street with my head up in the air!"

01/23/00

"Call me Minnie Softcore," writes Cindy Plenum. "All this talk about abusive porn has got me thinking about some of the videos I used to make before I met Arkady and became involved with microlivestock. One, back in the 80's, was made when bullimia was in the news because of Princess Di. I think the title was something like "Annie X: Portrait of a Bulemic" I played the title role of a woman who just couldn't keep it down during sex. In one pivotal scene, shot in a two story loft apartment, I had to stand atop a tall ladder, and vomit into a funnel connected via about 15 feet of neoprene tubing to some guys rectum at the base of the ladder. Yup - I gave the guy vomit enema. The Meese Commission fouind out about it, and subpeed me to testify. Of course, I refused, and did a few weeks at the DC jail instead. Since then I have cleaned up my act. (Some day I will tell you about my favorite flick - "Wanna Date?")"

3/14/00

Deep Inside Cindy Plenum

The French magazine La Spirale will soon publish the following interview with porn star Cindy Plenum, a regular contributor to l-keford.com.

1. Why do you consider yourself to be the first true porn star of the new millennium on the web ?

Cindy: Boy, that's an easy one. I thought you were going to quiz me on Camus, or one of those post-war French intellectuals that no one reads anymore. I am the first true Internet porn star because, at the moment, my entire existence is defined by the net. I truly have no reality apart from that which is given to me by the Internet. In a very real sense, if there were no Internet, I would long since have faded into obscurity.

2. What are you currently involved in professionally ? Are you still making movies or are you focussing right now on your striptease tours... ?

Cindy: I no longer striptease! That entire scene is too rife with drugs and low-lifes. And don't get me started talking about all the losers who come in to spend their money. What a pitiful lot! And do you know what about 80% of those guys are really looking for? A WIFE - specifically, the sort of wife they could never even fantasize about getting in real life. A very sad, morally corrosive scene, which is reason enough to avoid it.

3. Luke F-rd's site reveals that you have an IQ of 170. Asia Carrera, another porn star, boasts membership of Mensa, (society for those endowed with extremely high IQS). This heightened sense of competition amongst porn movie stars to outstrip/outmatch one another in terms of their IQ is certainly an interesting phenomena ? Have intelligence quotients replaced the more traditional criteria, such as rival breast measurements or the ever increasing number of male participants in a gangbang, as a means of promoting sales ?

Cindy: That is a very good question. When I go to meetings of the Omega Society, or the Society for Philosophical Inquiry (high-IQ organizations that are far more selective than Mensa), all anyone ever wants to talk about is my history in porn. And when I am with porn actresses, everyone wants to discuss the ideas of Chomsy, or string theory. I know that I have been wandering a bit here, so to directly address your question, I think that, at root, men are more attracted to woman with a keen mind than they are to women who have football-sized polymeric breasts, or who have submitted to multi-hundred gangbangs. Just consider all the obits that appeared after Heady Lamar's death - every one mentioned her role in the development of cellular communications. None spoke of her breast size or made mention of any participation in a gangbang.

4. Your biography could be seen as a model inventory of Californian sub-cultural experimentation. Psychedelic drugs, zoophily, prison, body modifications... How do you regard this period of your life in retrospect ?

Cindy: I know you expect a flip answer, but I am afraid that I must disappoint you here. I regard large parts of this period with shame.

5. Tell us something about the Church of Faith and it's guru, Bartholomew Lionheart... I have read that his followers regularly prostitute themselves in order to attract new recruits... What did you find so appealing about this cult ?

Cindy: The cult no longer exists, at least not above ground. Many of its members went on to other cults. Some died at Waco. Others perished when comet Hale-Bopp approached the earth. I suppose what really attracted me to the cult was the personality of Bart - and his semitic good looks.

6. You were actively involved in the Underground Porn Movement, a group of anarcho-syndicalistic pornographers advocating cinematic values of a similar inclination to those currently extolled by Lars Von Trier and the Danish filmmakers who make up Dogma - in brief: no articial light, no second takes during filming, and no professional actors. What impelled/prompted you to take part in this movement ?

Cindy: But I did not know that I was in any sort of movement when I started out! It was just a bunch of bright people who had new ideas for the way things could be done. And to be blunt about it, these ideas were born more out of economic necessity than any aesthetic.

7. I read recently that you had a third breast implant - in your back. What was the inspiration and the motivation for this ? Have you not had to adapt your wardrobe dramatically to accommodate the change ?

Cindy: Well, it is true. This was a natural outgrowth of the Body Modification Movement of the early-1990's, which itself grew out of the economic malaise of post-gulf war Bush Amerika. I simply wanted to be as different on the outside as I felt on the inside. However, I did not go overboard - the implants match my natural breasts, so most of my clothes still fit, or I wear two bras.

8. Are you interested in other forms of body modification such as piercing, tattoos, branding or scarification ? Further, do you believe, as the Extropians do, that the body is set to be the next artistic medium of real import/significance, a medium which we will soon be able to modify at will ?

Cindy: The next phase is going to be organ minimalism, the reduction of the viscera to the minimum necessary to sustain life. The plan is for members to willingly surrender an eye, a kidney, a lung, a testicle, and a breast to the surgeons knife for donation to someone who really needs it. Our credo shall be "From each according to her abilities; to each according to his needs."

9. Returning briefly to one of the more surprising features of your biography: your sexual exploits/adventures involving mosquitos... I'll admit, it's a little difficult to believe. Could you be more explicit ? How do you manage, for example, to direct the mosquitos to your, let's say... more sensitive areas ?

Cindy: Ah, what you must bear in mind is that when it comes to arthropodphilia, I am all lesbian - I only do female mosquitos. Female mosquitos - unlike the males - subsist on blood. They are especially fond of iron-rich menstrual blood. As I am prone to heavy periods, I simply wait until my period for the shoot, expose that part of my anatomy, and the female lesbian mosquitos do what comes naturally.

10. How do your fans react to all your charming idiosyncrasies ? Aren't you a little too excentric for the average consumer of porn movies ?

Cindy: Alas, this is quite true. But I would not have it any other way.

11. Looking back at the movies you have made, which are your favourite ones ?

Cindy: Without a doubt, "Deep Inside Cindy Plenum." I really exposed myself in that one.

12. What plans do you have for the near future and when will we have the pleasure of discovering your website online ? I've heard about it, but I have only managed to find a couple of references to you on the net so far.

Cindy: The damn things take forever to construct, don't they! First we did a mock-up in HTML, now we are redoing it in XML. The real hangup has been the perfection of certain Internet driven mechanical end-effectors that will be the centerpiece of the project. You will be able to interact with the girls on the site in ways you would not believe. (There are no law against teleo-sex, are there?)

13. The Internet has also provided a medium for groups such as Feminists for Free Expression and Feminists Against Censorship (Avedon Carol) - one of their arguments being that women have enjoyed and experienced greater freedom since pornography has been mass-produced and widely available - the rightwing moral movement to clamp down on pornography and censor the net being logical reaction of those who fear that pornography causes harm by encouraging women to liberate themselves. Do you see yourself as a feminist for the new millennium ?

Cindy: Feminism has become such a dreary enterprise that I want no part of it. Couldn't we call it something else, like "parcheese"?

14. I understand that you are taking a course in oriental poetry, Haïku to be precise. Would you honour us infinitely by writing a piece for La Spirale, the Ezine for the Digital Mutants ?

Cindy: OK, here is an opportunity for you French intellectuals to get one more good belly laugh out of me:

She comes to my womb
Eating of a life unborn
Female mosquito

5/16/00

Email: Hello again! Things are going great for me here, or as they say in Berlin:

Das Wetter ist sehr schon. Die Sonne scheint und keine Wolke am Himmel.

Yes, things are great! Well, that about does it for my German. I have been in Berlin the last few months and boy, is this ever a cool city! Especially the Mitte district, in the old Russian sector. I have been taping a series of videos here that, while not really "adult" in the pornographic sense, are among the most twisted I have ever even heard of. "Fraulein Fetish" is the name of the series. We fetishize all sorts of normal and not so normal things - jello molds, volleyballs, and so on.

The most technically demanding stuff I have done concerns the non-medical use of catheters and other medical hardware. You would not believe some of this stuff! These videos will be a real hit, because while the market for them is small, it is very devoted. No five dollar videos here! I have also been stomping on a lot of bugs of late, if you know what I mean. I have also been doing some dancing on the side at a club in Charlottenburg.

So what have you been up to? Did you enjoy your trip to Australia to visit your parents? what's next in the saga of Luke F-rd?

Luke: I'm searching for myself.

Cindy: "Trinken Sie, bitte, den Pee; der wird sonst kalt."

Why dont you take a break from all lifes cares and spend some time in the new Berlin? You could keep up the web site from here and make some new contacts with the East, too. I know that as a Jew, you might be nervous, especially since Turks and other dark skinned foreigners are targeted by the skins' out here. But the good news is that the Jews seem to be welcome here, almost like long lost household pets! With your story, you would be the toast of berlin cabaret society!

6/8/00

Oh You Doubting Thomasses!

Hello, Mr. Ford! It's me, Cindy Plenum! Some of you refused to believe me when I said that I paid a plastic surgeon to install breast implants in my back as part of my performance art installation. Only in Berlin, where I did the public unveiling, were fans understanding. But for reasons that are obvious, I could not reveal who did the surgery. Well, without breaking any confidentiality agreement that I had, see the following story in today's New York newspaper. Thank God I was not the first person who had this done! And is there anyone out there who could help me get a patent on a new bra that I have invented? It is called "The Inline Four".

Lots has happened since we last spoke Luke, especially to you. You seem to really be getting it all together, what with your new radio show (will it appear on shortwave? you would do great on Radio Free Europe!), bus tour operations, and your blooming romance with that nice jewish doctor. Dont listen to any of the losers who cannot stand to see someone else make something of themselves. This is your time to shine!

Berlin Awaits You Still! Cindy

I DIDN'T KNOW DOC BUST-ED MY RUMP By DAREH GREGORIAN

CHEEK THIS OUT:

Mary Gale (above) left a Manhattan courthouse yesterday after testifying that she still has lumps on her posterior where a doctor put in and removed breast implants.

A former go-go dancer testified yesterday that she didn't realize her Park Avenue plastic surgeon had used breast implants for her butt-enhancement operation until the surgery was behind her. When Mary Gale finally saw the results a week after the surgery was completed, "I was horrified.

"They looked like two [breasts] on my butt," she exclaimed, breaking down in tears on the witness stand in Manhattan Supreme Court. "I didn't want to show anyone my body. I was too ashamed."

Gale, 43, is suing Dr. Elliot Jacobs, charging he made a derri-error and committed malpractice when he used silicon implants for the backside-broadening procedure in 1990. Her claims were buttressed by photos taken shortly after the operation that showed what looked like two small breasts protruding from about halfway up her rear-end.

"I looked like a freak show," the slim, tanned blonde said, adding she was in "extreme pain" for weeks and had problems sitting and lying down. "I felt like I was on fire down there. It was burning," she said. At Gale's insistence, Jacobs removed the implants three weeks later. The doctor's lawyer, Paul Paley, said his client did nothing wrong and Gale should've given the implants "a chance to work."

6/20/00

Don't Play With Snakes - Sad News From Hamburg

Porn star Cindy Plenum writes: Hi Luke, its me - Cindy! I have some sad news to report. Tibor was killed two days ago while attempting to film a scene with a big snake at the Hamburg Zoo after closing hours. There was an accident. I feel to blame, as I taunted him for not being enough of a risk taker in his work. He responded by saying that he would take video where it had never gone before, and I guess he has. Please open the attached files only if you are mature and able to handle the truth.

Luke: "Who is Tibor? Does he do porn? What is he known for?"

Cindy: Tibor (so far as I knew, he had no family name that he was known by) was an icon, if an obscure icon, of the Frankfurt School of Underground Fetish Porn, a little known school of specialized, fetish pornography that insisted that every video be made in one and only one shoot, with no retakes, no artificial light, and no professional actors. He combined the best of the Dadaist tradition with his anarcho-syndicalist political orientation in a divided Germany. He made all my microlivestock fetish films, and was seeking to confront his fear of snakes when he died. That he is not known in the States does not speak well of American culture.

A Visual Metaphor

Lord Peter writes: Dear Luke and ALL other pornographers, Jewish Persons, and Unsaved:

The photographs of the fate that befell the pornographer Tibor are a visual metaphor for your future. Tiobor was not strong enough to face the snake on his own. Once he was in the mouth of that serpant, he was doomed, camera or no camera. You are in the mouth of the sepant of Satan, pornography. Die unsaved, and suffer the fate that is the due of all of Satan's serpants for all eternity! Die in a state of grace, and the eternal rewards of heaven are yours!

Yours in Christian Piety, Lord Peter Luther Christian, OBE

Peta Patty writes: Dear Mr. Ford:

I am a herpetologist by training and can confirm that certain species of snakes can indeed swallow human-sized animals which, of course, means that they can eat some people. Snakes will engage in such behavior only if very hungry and presented with a target of opportunity. Ordinarily however, they will hunt smaller prey, as they can be digested faster. This is important, for while digesting large animals, the snake is very sluggish and vulnerable to attack. Hence, from a purely survivalist point of view, small game is better than large.

For the horrific scene presented in the photographs to have happened, two conditions must have been met. First, the snake had to have been in feeding mode. Second, it must have been goaded. Given the apparently unusual predilicitions of this "Tibor", I shudder to think what he was up to; I am certain however, that the snake was forced to take the necessary steps to defend itself and that once taken (with lethal effect) the poor animal quite sensibly decided to take advantage of the meal presented.

What truly shocks me is that the snake was killed for no apparent purpose except to exact vengance on a poor animal. Clearly this Tibor was already dead. Killing the snake could not and did not bring him back from the dead. Instead of just one dead animal (Tibor) who should have known better anyway, we have two dead animals, the second of which was morally innocent of any crime. It is this sort of depraved indifference to the rights of the animals with whom we share this earth that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals exists. If you are as horrified by the cavalier manner in which this magnificent animal was killed and cut open, please donate your money or time to the local chapter of this fine organization.

Russell: Just saw those pics, if I hadn't of seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it, absolutely sick You think that Tibor would have had the brains to run ?

Michael writes: f--- that dumbass Tibor get what he deserves. Good lesson to folks who play with snakes. Those dancers (I.E. Chessie Moore) who dance around with those damn snakes are next. Especally get that snaker hunter or animal hunter on TV, whatever the f--- he is called. Is next. One for the snake. By the way is the camera alright?hate to f--- up good a camera. Bet Tibor was good to the last gulp. Poor Snake.

I bet that poor snake died of ingestion, because those european guys only wash thier balls and ass once a month. If he was jewish he really died of some serious ingestion because they wash thier balls and ass as much as they cut thier hair and beards - almost never. Poor snake. Stupid ass Tibor. If that Tbor asshole would have survived, they should have arrested him for super stupidity and put his ass away forever. Give us a month and some another dumbass will try this s--- again. Next time some of you dumbasses go see a bitch dance with a snake, better sit in the last row. If the bitch get eaten. don't tell no one you were stupid enough to be there and see that s--- happen.

K-Man writes: that tibor story, is it for REAL, can you verify this? isnt that the same picture that geneross.com had saying a death threat was sent to some porn starlett and said she will end up like this? Shrug, let me know, I'm curious if perhaps there is an official news story in the press regarding this somewhere ?

Kunde: hey ford ... i am a fan of your site and american porn in general although i live in germany nothing has happend over here in germany like this it is a totally fake ... even the license plates are not german ... trust me.

Jack: Wherever those pics of the apres-lunch snake are from, I doubt it is Hamburg. The license plate on the truck in the background doesn't look too German to me. However, the idea of feeding certain pornographers to snakes is kind of appealing.

Vince: I don't think the snake pictures (21/06/2000) have anything to do with Germany... the license plates on the truck don't look European.

Kushner writes: I think the snake story is a crock!!! Checked every major German new bureau as well as the Hamburg Zoo and no one knows anything about this.. Also check out the tag on the safari vehicle in the first pic. Doesn't look like a German tag at all.

Brian writes: I've always had a hard time finding the humour in your "journalism". But that snake thing was side splitting!! I should sent a picture of a siamese cat s---ting out an African elephant, and say the cat was owned by some obscure porn director in Zimbabwe or something. It will surely find it's way on your site then.

First off, yeah, snakes eat things much larger than it looks like their mouths can accompany, but never, ever, has there been a full grown human being swallowed by a snake! And the letter "sent" by Cindy Plenum was so heart breaking. "Hi Luke, its me - Cindy!" You can tell she's crushed by the loss.

I no longer have to go to the check-out line in my grocery store to pick up a copy of NEWS OF THE WORLD to find out what really happened in the world, what the "legitimate" papers won't print. I mean, there's werewolves running amok out there, but damned if the Washington Post prints that! And again, not one "reputable" newspaper is printing the story of the first adult human being consumed by a snake.

In response to Peta Patty, I think she may need to hit the books a bit longer. Of the very, very few reported cases of a human being swallowed by a snake, we're talking children, very small children. Here is a picture of a snake MUCH larger than the snake that reportedly swallowed Tibor actually trying to swallow a man. Notice that once the head of the man is in, there was no way anything else was making it in there. The snake obviously couldn't eat him. Also, look at the torso of the snake in the Tibor pictures. Doesn't it look like something very cylinder shaped, not human shaped? This was the most obviously staged setup, yet the trained herpetologist believed it? Amazing.

Luke: Speaking of snakes, here's a picture of English porner in the Czech Republic, Chris English, with porn star Rebecca Wild.

Helpful writes Luke: Sorry to drop the bomb on you, but those snake photos have been around for months and are posted among other sites at rotten.com. Do your MORON readers really think the mainstream media would pass as something as sensational as a human being eaten at the Hamburg Zoo? Again your failure to do any rudimentary fact checking humiliates you before your dozens of readers.

Luke, will you ever learn? Tell this Cindy person to f--- off. You don't need any help from her to make a laughing stock out of yourself. Better yet publish this exclusive nude photo of Ms. Plenum as an apology to your duped MORON readers.

Cindy Plenum responds: "Hi Luke, its me - Cindy Plenum! That photograph you published of me is very old. I have since lost and kept off a lot of weight. Also, I was very sunburned in that photo. I have since returned to my pale self."

Bat Boy Kills Tibor, Heads For Devon

Concerned writes: Cindy Plenum is partially correct. Tibor was killed, but not by a boa constrictor in the Hamburg Zoo. That was all a government cover up of the shocking truth. He was killed by the escaped Bat Boy. The Jewish controlled media has hidden the danger of the Bat Boy for years! Luke, please break ranks with the Jewish media cabal and tell the truth about the Bat Boy.

Luke: I surfed over to the WeeklyWorldNews.com and found this: A half-human "bat boy" that was captured in West Virginia last spring has escaped from the research facility where he was taken for observation -- and is still running free!

Zoologist Ron Dillon said the 2-foot, 19-pound creature was last seen in downtown Wheeling, on September 10. In spite of his small size, the boy has razor-sharp teeth, the strength of an ape and should be considered extremely dangerous, the expert said.

At last word, Bat Boy was seen at 15127 Califa Street in Van Nuys, California, near the headquarters of the Jew-owned pornography company Vivid Video. One observer claimed that Bay Boy had Vivid contract girl Devon in his greasy chops and was carrying her away.

Vivid owner Steve Hirsch says that what Bat Boy is doing violates his exclusive contract with Devon and "there will be legal repercussions."

3/18/01

Hi Luke, it's me - Cindy Plenum! You and I have not spoken much of late and I want to set that straight! And I want to let you know that the interview I gave the French last year was published, both in English and French. Check it out! http://www.laspirale.org/interviews/

Forget Madonna, Cameron Diaz and all those stupid anorexic models… Here is the ULTIMATE POP ICON of the Year 2000 ! Porn actress, strip-tease artist, body modification enthusiast, cult member and a convinced zoophile, Cindy Plenum is the perfect incarnation of this new millenary Pop cultures. No more, no less… A new star is born !

Why do you consider yourself to be the first true porn star of the new millennium on the web ?

Cindy: Boy, that's an easy one. I thought you were going to quiz me on Camus, or one of those post-war French intellectuals that no one reads anymore. I am the first true Internet porn star because, at the moment, my entire existence is defined by the net. I truly have no reality apart from that which is given to me by the Internet. In a very real sense, if there were no Internet, I would long since have faded into obscurity.

What are you currently involved in professionally ? Are you still making movies or are you focussing right now on your striptease tours... ?

I no longer striptease! That entire scene is too rife with drugs and low-lifes. And don't get me started talking about all the losers who come in to spend their money. What a pitiful lot! And do you know what about 80% of those guys are really looking for? A WIFE - specifically, the sort of wife they could never even fantasize about getting in real life. A very sad, morally corrosive scene, which is reason enough to avoid it.

Luke F-rd's site reveals that you have an IQ of 170. Asia Carrera, another porn star, boasts membership of Mensa, (society for those endowed with extremely high IQS). This heightened sense of competition amongst porn movie stars to outstrip/outmatch one another in terms of their IQ is certainly an interesting phenomena ? Have intelligence quotients replaced the more traditional criteria, such as rival breast measurements or the ever increasing number of male participants in a gangbang, as a means of promoting sales ?

That is a very good question. When I go to meetings of the Omega Society, or the Society for Philosophical Inquiry (high-IQ organizations that are far more selective than Mensa), all anyone ever wants to talk about is my history in porn. And when I am with porn actresses, everyone wants to discuss the ideas of Chomsy, or string theory. I know that I have been wandering a bit here, so to directly address your question, I think that, at root, men are more attracted to woman with a keen mind than they are to women who have football-sized polymeric breasts, or who have submitted to multi-hundred gangbangs. Just consider all the obits that appeared after Heady Lamar's death - every one mentioned her role in the development of cellular communications. None spoke of her breast size or made mention of any participation in a gangbang.

Your biography could be seen as a model inventory of Californian sub-cultural experimentation. Psychedelic drugs, zoophily, prison, body modifications... How do you regard this period of your life in retrospect ?

I know you expect a flip answer, but I am afraid that I must disappoint you here. I regard large parts of this period with shame.

Tell us something about the Church of Faith and it's guru, Bartholomew Lionheart... I have read that his followers regularly prostitute themselves in order to attract new recruits... What did you find so appealing about this cult ?

The cult no longer exists, at least not above ground. Many of its members went on to other cults. Some died at Waco. Others perished when comet Hale-Bopp approached the earth. I suppose what really attracted me to the cult was the personality of Bart - and his semitic good looks.

You were actively involved in the Underground Porn Movement, a group of anarcho-syndicalistic pornographers advocating cinematic values of a similar inclination to those currently extolled by Lars Von Trier and the Danish filmmakers who make up Dogma - in brief: no articial light, no second takes during filming, and no professional actors. What impelled/prompted you to take part in this movement ?

But I did not know that I was in any sort of movement when I started out! It was just a bunch of bright people who had new ideas for the way things could be done. And to be blunt about it, these ideas were born more out of economic necessity than any aesthetic.

I read recently that you had a third breast implant - in your back. What was the inspiration and the motivation for this ? Have you not had to adapt your wardrobe dramatically to accommodate the change ?

Well, it is true. This was a natural outgrowth of the Body Modification Movement of the early-1990's, which itself grew out of the economic malaise of post-gulf war Bush Amerika. I simply wanted to be as different on the outside as I felt on the inside. However, I did not go overboard - the implants match my natural breasts, so most of my clothes still fit, or I wear two bras.

Are you interested in other forms of body modification such as piercing, tattoos, branding or scarification ? Further, do you believe, as the Extropians do, that the body is set to be the next artistic medium of real import/significance, a medium which we will soon be able to modify at will ?

The next phase is going to be organ minimalism, the reduction of the viscera to the minimum necessary to sustain life. The plan is for members to willingly surrender an eye, a kidney, a lung, a testicle, and a breast to the surgeons knife for donation to someone who really needs it. Our credo shall be "From each according to her abilities; to each according to his needs."

Returning briefly to one of the more surprising features of your biography: your sexual exploits/adventures involving mosquitos... I'll admit, it's a little difficult to believe. Could you be more explicit ? How do you manage, for example, to direct the mosquitos to your, let's say... more sensitive areas ?

Ah, what you must bear in mind is that when it comes to arthropodphilia, I am all lesbian - I only do female mosquitos. Female mosquitos - unlike the males - subsist on blood. They are especially fond of iron-rich menstrual blood. As I am prone to heavy periods, I simply wait until my period for the shoot, expose that part of my anatomy, and the female lesbian mosquitos do what comes naturally.

How do your fans react to all your charming idiosyncrasies ? Aren't you a little too excentric for the average consumer of porn movies ?

Alas, this is quite true. But I would not have it any other way.

Looking back at the movies you have made, which are your favourite ones ?

Without a doubt, "Deep Inside Cindy Plenum." I really exposed myself in that one.

What plans do you have for the near future and when will we have the pleasure of discovering your website online ? I've heard about it, but I have only managed to find a couple of references to you on the net so far.

The damn things take forever to construct, don't they! First we did a mock-up in HTML, now we are redoing it in XML. The real hangup has been the perfection of certain Internet driven mechanical end-effectors that will be the centerpiece of the project. You will be able to interact with the girls on the site in ways you would not believe. (There are no law against teleo-sex, are there?)

The Internet has also provided a medium for groups such as Feminists for Free Expression and Feminists Against Censorship (Avedon Carol) - one of their arguments being that women have enjoyed and experienced greater freedom since pornography has been mass-produced and widely available - the rightwing moral movement to clamp down on pornography and censor the net being logical reaction of those who fear that pornography causes harm by encouraging women to liberate themselves. Do you see yourself as a feminist for the new millennium ?

Feminism has become such a dreary enterprise that I want no part of it. Couldn't we call it something else, like "parcheese"?

I understand that you are taking a course in oriental poetry, Haïku to be precise. Would you honour us infinitely by writing a piece for La Spirale, the Ezine for the Digital Mutants ?

Cindy: OK, here is an opportunity for you French intellectuals to get one more good belly laugh out of me:

She comes to my womb
Eating of a life unborn
Female mosquito

3/19/01

MrHollywoodJew Doubts The Existence Of Cindy Plenum

MrHollywoodJew writes: I'm with Fred: Who is Cindy Plenum? I thought I'd heard of every porn star out there but I've never heard of her. I checked some search engines (Yahoo, for example) and only came up with Luke's bio of her and that weird supplemental thing with the mosquito on it that Luke posted as a link. NOTHING ELSE! Do a search for ANY other porn star's name -- no matter how obscure -- and you usually get several hits. Nothing but Luke's stuff for Cindy. Real suspicious.

Also, she's a Mensa girl and all that (so she says) but she's evidently not TOO smart. She claims she was born in 1974 and started college at 16 (that would be 1990). AFTER this she started making films but then she claims she was making films in the mid-80s. Now, then, in the mid-80s, if 1974 is the true date of her birth, she would have been barely pubescent. Were her films child porn? Also, how did she manage to make films in the 1980s but not start making them until after college, which began in 1990, according to her.

Not bright also is sticking bees up your cunt and joining cults that would only appeal to the world's biggest dumbasses. Her grammar and spelling are also pretty atrocious but I'll let that go since mine are too when I email.

Then there are all those bogus pictures (the snake pix, the stupid picture of the black woman, etc.) on the Luke F-rd bio of Miss Plenum, whose chosen name, evidently intended to reflect her vast intellectual skills, smacks of unbridled conceit. Who cares how bright a porn chick is? The only thing we want her to use her head for is sucking! We're watching porn for amusement, not edification!

But let us see these IQ scores of Miss Plenum's, since she is so proud of them! Let us see her name on the rolls of Cal Tech! Let us see her Mensa membership card! Better yet, let us see her (REAL) picture! Let us have a filmography on her -- not just two movie titles that no one ever heard of and which probably never existed in the first place. There are dozens of MAJOR female pornstars whose bios are NOT on Luke's site. Why is Miss Plenum's up there? Even if she IS real, she is not significant enough to merit inclusion among the "Greats" of the jizz biz. But I think she is NOT real. I am sure of it. If Cindy Plenum lives, give us proof, Mr. Ford. Otherwise your credibility is tarnished indeed!

If I am not Me, then who is that in the mirror?

Hi Luke, its me - Cindy Plenum! Yes it's true, I lied about my age way back when, and it is a good thing that I did that bad thing too. As far as my name goes, most of my work was under other names. I did not want to bring shame upon my family, so I used a rotating roster of names. (I'll bet lots of your women readers know who I am!)

I am no longer a member of Mensa, as I found the group to be full of retards. For several years I have belonged to The International Society for Philosophical Inquiry, and the Five-Sigma Society, both far more selective than Mensa ever was. Like you, we are small in size but big in heart. We treasure every member. We would love to have you, as a speaker, Luke!

Do you want me to call in tomorrow to speak as a guest on your show? What is your number? What do you think my fans would like us to discuss? My work with microlivestock? Something tells me the typical porn fan would not get it. I am planning a memorial service for Tibor soon, would you like to participate in it? Just little old me, Cindy!

6/19/01

Cindee Plenum writes: hi luke its mee, cindy plenum! Life here in Europe has gotten very tough for what I do, all because of that hoof and mouth disease thingy. Everyone is scared that microlivestock might spread it around, so I am being forced to return to America. And to Los Angeles at that! I hope that once I make the move, you and I can have lunch every now and then. (I promise not to take you to places that serve meet!) No problem, I have a better idea. I know what you are thingink, "what will cindy do here?>"

My anser is this. I want to start a brothel like the one that your friend nicci girls has, except mine will cater to a taste that is not yet met in a brothel setting. I want to open an Animal Brothel, where men (and women, as you well know!) can go to satiate their animalistic desires to cross the species barrier that racists impose on us. Yes it it controversial, but so too was sex between black and white a few years back and now everyone does it. My place will be SAFE and LOVING for one and all.

I picked LA because I am sure that I can hire all th animal wranglers I need from the movie industry (anyone wnt to moon light?). And there will be a veterinarian on duty 24 hours a day, to make sure that things are on the up and up. You and me can do athis, Luke, oh yes we can! Love and XXXXXs, Cindy!

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