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A Nice Jewish Girl (I named her) found a reference to my site in April, 1999, from a newsgroup posting about Jenna Jameson and Joe Montana, former NFL quarterback. She enjoyed the site and started writing me. Then we started talking on the phone. She has a great voice and is an excellent actress. She's no more lefty than righty, she's just all emotion, a real girly girl. The girliest girl around. I enjoy her. She watches porn through her purloined cable system and has a crush on John Decker.

9/16/99

Luke's Love Hate Fest

Luke did a threeway with two of his girlfriends Thursday night over the phone. With trepidation, I introduced Cocksocket to Nice Jewish Girl:

NJG: Luke's a player... He'll never settle down. He does this schtick, poor pathetic me, no girls understand me.

Cocksocket: He'll tell you that I have no sympathy for him.

NJG: But you sent him a naked picture of yourself. Why?

Cocksocket: I don't have a problem with that.

NJG: If you sleep with him, you will regret it. You don't understand, he disses women really bad.

CS: You've gotten a lot further in the thought process than I have...

NJG: Don't be naive. Luke is a wolf with women. Did you notice what he said today about he knows the niece of Saul Bellow. That's one of his dates. He has a lot of dates... Do you know that?

CS: Absolutely.

NJG: That's cool with you.

CS: Considering the situation that I am in, that is absolutely fine with me.

NJG: Oh, are you married?

CS: No.

NJG: And did he tell you that he wants to get married to you and all that?

CS: Yeah, been down that road.

Luke: I do.

NJG: He tells that to every girl.

CS: Absolutely.

Luke: I don't. I haven't told that to anyone.

NJG: Luke lies. He told that to me. He tells it to everyone.

Luke: When did I tell it to you NJG?

NJG: Oh please Luke. He totally told it to me.

Luke: I did? Oh.

NJG: You realize that any chick he sleeps with, he can't deal with.

CS: I am on the other side of the country... That thought hasn't even entered my mind.

Luke: Wait, Cocksocket, the thought of sleeping with me hasn't entered your mind?

NJG: You send him a naked picture of yourself... You have no self respect, you need to live in San Francisco man. My girlfriends would rip you to pieces. You just don't f---ing do that, especially to a person like that. He is a wolf. He's a player.

CS: Isn't part of being a strong woman being able to be in control of things like that? Of your body.

NJG: Oh yeah, as long as you diss him first.

CS: What makes you think I haven't?

NJG: You only talked to him four times yesterday and the day before for seven hours...

CS: You sound jealous...

NJG: Jealous, ohmigod, please. Take him!

CS: What's up with you crying a river of tears over him. What's that about? If he's that pathetic, why waste the time?

NJG: Because he's sick and I'm sick... But you're not that sick, I can already tell. He's going to run over you like a Mac Truck.

CS: No he's not. He's not going to do a single thing to me that I don't allow him to do or want him to do.

NJG: He already likes that you're innocent...

CS: He knows that I am not innocent... I'm Catholic. Catholics aren't innocent.

NJG: If you think you are going to marry this guy, you've got another thing coming.

Luke: I'm going to marry Cocksocket.

NJG: There's a line of women out his door and around the house who've heard the same line. He'd admit that.

Luke: True.

CS: To redeem myself, did you know that my politics are completely on the other end of the spectrum from his.

NJG: He doesn't care about that, the only thing that matters to him is vagina. Getting vagina and leaving as soon as possible.

Luke: You don't think I respect chicks for their minds and stuff?

NJG: No. You like their vaginas Luke.

Luke: And their breasts.

NJG: That's all he likes.

Luke: Also their ass.

NJG: The one good thing about Luke is that any chick will do. It doesn't matter if she's the scummiest looking chick on earth. That's cool with him. But all the other s--- you have to put up with, that he will never ever marry anyway... He is so f---ed up beyond belief about women and he cannot be faithful to one woman ever, and he lies all the time about this marriage s---... My father was just like him. So I've got his number.

My dad was engaged to six women at once and one woman was paying for him. I know...

Luke: Kendra Jade is IMing me.

NJG: You know about his thing with Kendra, don't you?

CS: Remember, we talked about her unfortunate hair.

NJG: Kendra does have Luke's number... She knows him and she isn't willing to put up with his bulls---.

CS to Luke: It's not good enough that you are talking to both of us, you have to be talking to her at the same time?

Luke: Yeah. I'm needy for attention.

NJG: He's probably telling her that he wants her to BLOW him. CS, is this what you want honey? He's being really serious...

Luke: Kendra has a message for you ladies. Tell them to forget it, you are, after all, my leftovers.

NJG: Tell Kendra she can have you.

Luke: She doesn't want me.

NJG:  And I don't want you.

Luke: But CS, you want me right?

NJG: He's so awful that even a porn star doesn't want him.

CS: A porn star with bad hair...

NJG: Kendra is all right...

Luke: NJG, you said some nasty things about Kendra...

NJG: I did but I like her actually.

Luke: I like to bring people together.

NJG: Don't forget he's a Gemini and Geminis are the hos of the Zodiac.

CS: I don't give any credence to that stuff.

NJG: That's fine but he is. He can be really cold. He can be all into you and then really cold the next day.

CS: I'm not hanging my star on him...

NJG: Why do you think he wanted to do this threeway? Because in his own self destructive head, he wanted me to tell you the truth about what he's really like.

CS: Luke, isn't that what I just said to you. You're a masochist. I know you are.

NJG: It's really good that we're talking because you sound really sweet. You don't sound at all like me. And I've been there and I really hate men.

Luke: Where have you been NJG?

NJG: That's for my website. On another day Luke, when you help me put my website up.

CS: It's blanket statement, you hate men. All men.

NJG: Isn't that true Luke?

Luke: CS, she hates men like I hate porno. She has many feelings about men and hatred is just one of them.

NJG: Oh, Luke's trying to be really intelligent here.

CS: Luke, go back to your little chickie on the other end of the computer, we were having a conversation. That really is rude.

Luke: I'm sorry, I won't do it anymore.

NJG: Oh, he'll do it all the time to you...

Luke: Cocksocket, anytime you want my undivided attention, you let me know and you've got it, because I'm yours.

NJG: You believe him?

Hysterical laughter.

CS: Luke, stop typing.

Luke: I'll give her up for you.

NJG: That's only because she dissed him.

Luke: Cocksocket is the only one for me, I could never be happy with any other woman.

CS: Well, I'm glad to be raising the caliber of women you normally have conversations with.

NJG: He's into intelligent women. He's also into porno chicks and he's also into stupid chicks. Any chick will do.

I don't know cocksocket, I think you're just like all the other chicks who get attracted to him and they find that he's a major dog. In the future, I would never email a guy a naked picture. It just shows you don't have self respect.

CS: Wait a minute, let me finish.

NJG: No, you listen to me. I'm older.

CS: That means nothing to me. What it shows is that I am very proud of my body.

NJG: All it says to men is that you are a ho.

CS goes ballistic: I realize the problem you have with men. I don't have that problem. Don't project that on to the entire gender.

Luke: CS is my future wife... She's just got to convert to Judaism...

NJG: I hope so Luke, until the next one shows up. Until you go over to Kendra Jade's house.

Luke: No, this is it NJG. I'm turning over a new leaf. Luke "Monogamy" Ford.

NJG: Do you believe him CS?

CS: Don't you think as a woman embodying feminine power that I have a right to be proud of my body?

NJG: Oh, it's a complicated issue... I would essentially agree with you... But the reality is, if you walk down any street in this city and you walk naked or you walk with a low top, you're going to get it from Luke and Luke's men. They don't respect women. They don't know how.

CS: If I am walking down the street naked or in a low cut top, why am I doing that?

Luke: To get attention from men.

NJG: It usually makes other women uncomfortable... Women don't like it. Look, you   could be wearing a Victorian dress and still get unwanted attention from men.

CS: How do you handle unwanted attention from men?

NJG: I try to walk across the street when I see men. Me and all my girlfriends, every girl I know, walks across the street when they see men.

In the past, I've had really tall boyfriends...

CS: So you like men well enough to date them?

NJG: Yes, ask Luke.

CS: Do they know that you hate men?

NJG: Oh yeah.

Luke: She likes conflict guys and conflicted guys like her. She's a trip.

CS: I need to get a bottle of wine... I'll be back.

Luke: Hi NJG, how are you?

NJG: Do you miss me Luke?

Luke: I miss you NJG.

NJG: Do you miss me a whole lot?

Luke: I miss you a whole lot.

NJG: When are we getting married?

Luke: We can't get married. I'm getting married to CS.

NJG: Yeah, like this is going to last. I can already hear her...

CS: Would you like to know anything about me?

NJG: CS, honey, I don't need to. I can already tell. I'm older than you.

CS: What does that matter?

Luke: Cocksocket, you've got to respect your elders.

NJG: Honey, I have been there... I have been in your seat.

Luke: She's cried a river of tears.

CS: I've never cried a river of tears over anyone.

NJG: You don't know Luke F-rd.

CS: I feel the need to make you understand that I am not...

Luke: A trick.

CS: Whatever that means.

NJG laughs: You don't even know what that means. I know what that meant by the time that I was 18.

CS: What does that say about you?

NJG: It says that I am a very edgy girl, huh Luke?

Luke: Yeah, she's a very edgy girl.

CS: I listen to devil music... Metallica...

NJG: Don't you think James Hatfield is hot? I love that pockmarked face, like Richard Burton...

Luke: What do you think of the Kennedys?

NJG: I love them. And I really love John John. He looked like one of my ex boyfriends.

CS, do you think he's gay?

CS: Absolutely not.

NJG: Luke thinks he's gay and into young asian guys. And everybody I know, nobody believes Luke. We all agree that maybe he had some experiences with men, but so what, it was the '80s. I mean, like, who didn't?

Luke: I didn't.

NJG: You did too.

Luke: I did not.

NJG: What about that little incident when you were little Luke?

Luke: That wasn't the '80s. It was the '70s.

NJG: If John John would've met me, he would've gone for me. Because I am very powerful.

CS: He was younger than you...

NJG: Not by much. My last boyfriend was way younger than me.

Luke: NJG needs a younger man so that he can keep up with her. She wears out men her own age.

CS: You need an older one so that she can keep you in line because you like that.

Luke: NJG is a man wrecker.

CS: Luke, considering that you instigated this whole melange, you have been awfully quiet.

Luke: I'm subtle.

NJG: That's his way. I love how you slipped onto his site and fell for him. Luke, I typed to Cookie yesterday about the whole thing and we were cracking up. I'm like, I'm just going to watch this girl self destruct on his site, because I know what he does.

Luke: Cookie is a mother figure to NJG.

NJG: She did everything wrong. She likes him instead of disliking him. She sends him naked pictures.

CS: Don't get the idea that I think that every word that comes out of his mouth is golden. Now Luke, this is where you need to step in and tell her.

NJG: I would hope not, CS, no girl would believe him.

Luke: NJG, what is it that you like about me?

NJG: I don't know. I would have to go back into my notes Luke.

Because I think we're similar.

CS: That's a very self loathing statement.

NJG: He self loathes.

CS: Evidently you do too.

Luke: Oh yeah, she hates herself big time.

NJG: Oh yeah, you do too, big time.

Luke: That's true.

CS: Cause I don't.

Luke: You don't hate NJG big time?

CS: No, I don't hate myself.

Luke: Well just stay on a few minutes.

NJG appears in the Thursday, 9/16/99 San Francisco Chronicle in an article Neva Chonin:

In the face of this influx of bitch-slapping, metal-rap
rockers, many women are beginning to feel they've
been played for fools by the music industry. On Web
sites such as Hissyfit and the ROCKRGRL message
board, the Woodstock rapes have provoked debates
on music, gender and responsibility that are rife with
passionate charges and counter-charges. One
ROCKRGRL poster screen-named "Njg" sums up the
collective sense of post-grrl shock when she writes,
"While we were sleeping, while we thought that we
were equal, while we were busy with our lives, the
f***ers came in and changed the channel on us and
took away the remote."

Her post is one of many responding to a widely
circulated e-mail from Courtney Love describing the
singer's encounters with oily "chick wranglers" when
Hole played a series of shows with Korn last winter. In
it, Love decries both the Korn camp's abuse of its
young groupies and the stupidity of teenagers who
dog-paddle in waters too far over their heads.

"I don't know if anyone raped her, I wasn't there,'' Love
writes of a battered Korn groupie who begged for help
after an alleged post-concert assault in Australia. "But
SHE was in the lobby, she got 'picked'. SHE put
herself there. Or maybe the 'people' thought she was
a tasty young thing and they put her there. Either way
she attended the ceremony... and [now] after
Woodstock I just feel the SOURCE of this rape
environment is buried somehow in this story --
because this did not happen before now, since '91."

Responses to Love's missive have been universal in
their condemnation of rock's resurgent sexism, but
divided over whether the groupies-turned-victims bear
some complicity in their plight. Should women who
willingly pursue notoriously macho bands into the land
of assembly line fellatio be supported or given an
I-told-you-so lecture when loutish group sex becomes
group rape? How did we wind up with a new
generation of girls who, despite having guitar-wielding
women icons in front of them, still choose to approach
rock stardom on their knees? And should women who
reward rock stars' misogyny with sex share
responsibility with their idols when it comes to
perpetuating a "rape environment" like the one at
Woodstock?

The debate continues, but through all the hyperbole
one fact seems clear. At a time when female rockers
are supposed to be enjoying the fruits of rock's
much-ballyhooed "decade of the woman" and
preparing for a shiny new millennium, they seem
instead to be on the verge of a sonic-sexual Dark Age.

So much for girl power.

"What did we expect?" demands Njg. "We trusted
men again, like we always do. We believed their pain
when they said that they weren't being treated right,
we heard them. And what do we get? RAPESTOCK.
Thank you guys. Thank you very much."

CS: I think it is unfortunate that a man or a series of men have made you feel that the entire male gender is bad.

NJG laughs hysterically: Chicks were trying to go to the bathroom and they got raped.

Luke: Well, a lot of them probably wanted it.

CS: Now Luke, it is just better if you don't say anything right now.

NJG: I like those quotes by Andrea Dworkin, that romance is rape with longing glances. I thought that was so cool.

CS: Have you ever been in love?

NJG: Luke, have I ever been in love?

Luke: Yeah, and she had her heart ripped out by a man.

CS: Could that maybe be one of the driving forces behind this hatred?

NJG: We have to look at my father.

Luke: Did he ever incest you or was that just your grandfather?

NJG: Please, never say that. My father never did. My father worshipped the ground I walked on and I broke his heart. He loved me so much.

Luke: How did you break his heart?

NJG: Because he was a dog. The only thing that gets to a dog is the dog's daughter. He died in January.

Luke: Was it something you said?

NJG giggles: It could've been a series of conversations we had in December...

Luke: Did he go downhill rapidly after that?

NJG: He did. Shut up Luke. You're saying I killed my father...

Luke: Cocksocket, do you think that NJG killed her father?

CS: Unlike you Luke, I wouldn't be able to speak on that unless I had all the facts.

I like Depeche Mode...

NJG: The lead singer is Jewish and a heroin addict and suicidal...

CS: And there's not a thing in the world that I wouldn't do for him.

NJG: He looks like my stepfather.

Luke: I like Mozart, Haydn and Schubert.

NJG: He can't handle the emotions of rock n'roll.

Luke: It's so primitive.

CS: What's wrong with that?

NJG: When Shenae sings, get the razor blades out of your house...

CS: I don't see why emotions have to be bad.

Luke: NJG, do emotions have to be bad?

NJG: The fun ones.

CS: I don't have this element of self destruction that the two of you share...

Luke: Is it ok if I play this conversation back and masturbate to it?

CS: I'd think you could find something more exciting...

Luke: This is cool... Having two chicks fighting over me.

CS: We're fighting?

NJG: What are you talking about Luke? We're trashing you.

CS: Bless her heart. Which is what southern women get to say when they say something bad. You can say, she's such a whore, bless her heart.

NJG: I had a southern boyfriend once.

CS: I've never had a southern boyfriend.

NJG: He was so tortuous and charming and he was a player. And he brought this girl to this meeting we were at, and I just looked at him and I said, f--- you, get away from me. And he started chasing me down the street. It was so cool. He was calling me every day. And I'd say, are you sleeping with that girl? And he'd say, no, I'm not sleeping with her. And I'd say, Chris, don't f---ing lie to me.

CS: I've never had a boyfriend cheat on me.

NJG: We were on the corner...and screaming at each other at 6AM. And he's supposed to take me to work... And we were screaming loud. It was cool though.

I was just reading a review of a Carol Queen video. About doing your boyfriend with dildos.

CS: Called Bend Over Boyfriend...

NJG: And there was this picture in the paper of this girl with her boyfriend bent over and I thought, that is a really cool picture. It was interesting and degrading and I dig that.

Luke: What do you think of Bukkake porn, where a group of 50 guys jerks off on a woman's face?

NJG: I think it is really sad that these women don't get paid more than $500 for this.

CS: I spent more than that on clothes today.

NJG: This is just another reason to hate guys. They don't pay these chicks enough... For 50 guys to jerk off on your face...

CS: That's the chick's problem. They need to unionize.

NJG: My southern boyfriend used to sit around and call me woman...

CS: And you allowed him to?

NJG: I thought it was really interesting... Nobody had ever dared call me that in my life. This gets to me on some weird primal level that he would call me woman. He would do it in front of my friends and stuff. Woman...

CS: I've never had a boyfriend call me woman.

NJG: Cause you've never had a southern boyfriend.

CS: I have southern brothers and a southern father and I can promise you that none of them have ever done that either.

Luke: They don't say, woman, could you get my dinner please?

NJG, do you think Cocksocket will make a good Jew?

NJG: Cocksocket, he doesn't really want you, want you. He just wants you to convert. He's got that Christian thing of converting... If you're really Jewish, you don't care.

Luke: Kendra just came back online and wants to know how are the two girls? What should I tell her?

CS: I asked you not to talk to her. Now aren't you conflicted Luke? Well, everything is about choices.

Luke: So what do you like about my website NJG?

NJG: Me.

CS: You have a destructive pattern. I made better choices than that.

NJG: I'm sure you did. Good for you.

CS: Why do you date men if this is the way you feel about men? Date women.

NJG: I'm not attracted to women.

CS: But you're not attracted to men.

Luke: She loves men.

Giggle.

Luke: You can love and hate.

NJG: I love Andrea Dworkin and the whole hate men movement...

CS: Don't you have any men that you love?

NJG: I love Luke. We have known each other in a different life...

CS: Oh God, let's not go down that path. The idea of another life smacks to me of, let's not take responsibility for this one.

Luke: Could we all get together at my place sometime?

NJG: You don't have enough room.

CS: There's not enough wine in the world.

Luke: We'd sit on my couch.

NJG: He doesn't have a couch.

Luke: On my bed.

NJG: You don't have a bed. You sleep on the floor. I've been to your house...

Luke: We'd have to be tightly packed... NJG, what do I need to be a good husband and father?

NJG: Be my good husband my father?

Luke: No.

CS: I think we may have just hit upon the crux of the entire conversation. You want Luke to marry you.

NJG: No way. I thought he said that to me, when he said, tell me how to be your husband...

Luke: NJG, can you make peace with my marring Cocksocket?

NJG: Good, cool...

CS: This is the most dysfunctional conversation I've had in my entire life.

NJG: You're kidding.

CS: The two of you have a dynamic that is boggling to me.

NJG: People on the website think that too.

Luke: CS, when we get married, I'm going to have to get a bigger place.

NJG: And live off you. Whoops, I wasn't supposed to say that.

Luke: NJG, I make $42,000 a year off my website.

NJG: So what? I make almost as much as you make...

Luke: NJG, she bought $900 worth of lingerie today.

NJG: Cocksocket, tell me you didn't buy this because you were going to see Luke?

CS: No. I bought it for me. I wear it every day.

NJG: You wear lingerie every day.

Luke: Yeah, she's an escort.

CS: What's your definition of lingerie?

NJG: Those tacky teddy things.

CS: That's an extremely narrow definition of lingerie... But I did buy some, yes. And when I wear suits, I do wear a one piece. Do you have a problem with wanting to look pretty?

NJG: The women I know are all amazons. We are all extremely intelligent and we're not into wearing anything that would please a man. My friends are hot...

CS: Why would you think that what I did today would have anything to do with pleasing a man? It pleases me.

NJG: I've heard that argument before... I think that's fine. If you like that frilly...

CS: Not all of it is frilly. Some of it is very harsh, which you would probably like.

NJG: Most of it is tacky.

CS: I have clothes on over them.

NJG: You wear clothes over your teddies? Oooooh.

Luke: That's in case if she's in a business meeting and she gets seduced, she can slip right into a teddy.

CS: In case I feel that the meeting is not going my way...

For someone who is all about feminine power, I don't think you get it. You're about feminine agression. That's not power, that's negative attention. What in the world could possibly be wrong with working hard to look good. I work my ass off to look good.

NJG giggles: Have you had surgery or anything?

CS: No I haven't but I'm at the gym three days a week and I run and I do that for me. I don't do that for a man. Because I feel better when I look good.

Luke: And I feel better too when I look good.

NJG: For what? For these creeps.

CS: You know it is not for men, it is for each other. Women care a lot more about how other women look than men ever could.

NJG: Well, maybe in your city. Not in mine.

CS: You're so enlightened in San Francisco.

NJG: Cocksocket, you sound really upset. Don't be upset.

CS yells: I'm not upset.

NJG: I come from a different place. From punk rock...

CS: And I come from the generation that is pissed off at your generation for what you did to the femininist movement.

CS speaks off the phone: Thanks for coming over.

CS: I just had a man in my apartment. I better go disinfect.

NJG: Oooohh. Kick him out.

CS: I wasn't getting upset. I was speaking louder because the two of you weren't liustening to me.

NJG: Cocksocket, I was totally listening.

Luke: So was I, Cocksocket, totally.

NJG: You're such a snake. You're just trying to use my words to get into my good graces. You are a dog.

Luke: I am but don't tell Cocksocket.

NJG: Don't you think I should have a website?

CS: Ok, quit trashing me. I'm back.

Luke: NJG is XY years of age.

NJG explodes: I am not... And you better not put that on your website.

NJG: I don't know why I am sensitive about my age because I meet guys younger than me all the time who argue with me about how old I am.

CS: Don't you realize that everything we discuss, you make it about a man?

NJG: Thank you. That's good. I'm conflicted. My girlfriends would be like, that's right. That's f---ing right she does... Everything is about some f---ing guy. I can hear them right now trying to kill me. I'm sick of it.

CS: Why?

NJG: Cause I'm f---ed up.

Luke: CS, can you help NJG?

CS: I thought that was your job?

Luke: I'm the problem, not the solution.

CS: You're the enemy. I do feel like the two of you need some kind of counseling.

NJG: I have thought about this... Shenae O'Connor is seeing a shrink... And she's lost her art and she's in a Catholic cult and they call her a saint. I think you can't see a shrink because you're dysfunction is your art. And if you lose your dysfunction, you lose your art. And so f--- seeing a shrink. I want my dysfunciton, I want my art, I want my creativity... I want all the s--- that makes me who I am.

CS: And makes you miserable every single day of your life?

NJG: Not miserable every single day of my life.

Luke: No, not every day. Maybe a few times a week and before you menstruate.

NJG: God, aren't I really bad then? But it's not the periods that bother me...

Luke: It's the men, they are so insensitive.

NJG: Yeah, then I have to argue with them and yell at them... A certain person.

Luke: Me.

NJG: It's my father's fault. Luke's like my father. My stepfather was a much nicer guy... And I always vacillate between the scum of the earth and the much nicer guy that's more grounded...and he was cute... I think women should be as f---ing superficial as hell when it comes to looks.

CS: I expect to be with a man who cares as much about himself and his body as I do on mine.

Luke: Does that mean I have to spend $900 plus on lingerie?

CS: My body, not my clothing.

Luke: Well, I care more about your body than I do about mine.

NJG: Of course you do, Luke.

Luke: You should see her body, NJG, she has awesome knockers.

NJG: Good.

CS: Oh come on, I don't think that was necessary.

Luke: Oh, sorry.

CS: You've got to stop doing that so quickly.

NJG: He doesn't mean it, that's why he says it. He doesn't mean anything he says.

Luke understands me because he's just as obsessed about women as I am about men. And he's as conflicted about women as I am about men.

CS: I've yet to hear him say that he hates women.

NJG: He doesn't, but he does in the way he treats them. And maybe in the way I treat men, I hate them too.

Luke: CS, do you think I hate women, because I watch gangbangs...

NJG: And have rape fantasies...

Luke: I think this is enough.

NJG: He's toast.

CS: Luke, this isn't all about fodder for your website.

NJG: He doesn't know that.

Luke: NJG, you don't think I can relate to women on a human-to-human basis without thinking about how to manipulate people into providing fodder for my website?

CS: Why do you let him post all of your conversations on the website?

NJG: Because I think they're cool. They're interesting.

Luke: Like a car wreck.

CS: Perfect analogy.

Luke: Is that healthy?

CS: Absolutely not healthy.

NJG: But Luke himself is a car wreck.

CS: And you're with the rubber neckers.

NJG: I'm in another car.

Luke: We collided.

NJG: Yeah.

Luke and NJG laugh.

NJG: We're that movie Crash, but we're the real thing.

CS: J.G. Ballard hates women.

Luke: Don't you think that my conversation with NJG have a therapeutic effect on her?

CS: No, I think abstinence would be the best thing for her.

NJG: Everyone, including my mother, says the same thing. Cookie's mad at you.

Luke: Was it the incest thing? Cocksocket, don't you think that when I talked to NJG about her incest and rape, that I handle it in a sensitive and nonexploitive manner?

CS: No. That you engage her in the conversation is nonsensitive and exploitive. But I think she likes that.

NJG: Rip him to shreds. Don't let him get away with it.

CS: I think you totally get off on him being insensitive. You feed on it. You find it empowering for him to exhibit the very behavior you accuse him of. I think you like egging him on... It's this big hate love fest.

NJG: Is that what you're going to title this Luke? The Big Love Hate Fest?

Luke: I love it.

NJG: Isn't that great?

CS: I think you should edit out my comments.

Luke: Cocksocket, NJG and I want you be a part of our lives.

CS: This is all about the two of you.

Luke: Cocksocket, you are the one who makes a better day, so let's not give in. It's choice we're making... You know we can make a better day...

NJG, stop listening to that Heroin music. It's self destructive.

CS: Ever hear the story about the pot and the kettle, Luke?

Luke: Cocksocket, I'm trying to uplift people, elevate them, stand up for morality...

CS: Whose morality? Yours?

Luke: God's morality is my morality, cocksocket.

CS: I think you believe your own hype.

Luke: Cocksocket, you don't think that all the media coverage I've achieved in the last 18 months has gone to my head?

NJG: A star in your own mind.

Luke: I was on Entertainment Tonight and Fox Files and the cover of the New Times Los Angeles...

NJG: When I saw him, Cocksocket, he was like, I'm Luke F-rd dot com...

Luke: Chicks dig me. Cocksocket, why do women find me so irresistible?

CS: NJG, why did you drive down to see him?

NJG: I flew down to see my family... I liked him... Because I'm another car wreck. It's hard for somebody who's normal to understand him.

CS: Because you're as twisted as he is, you should be with him?

NJG: I don't know. That's up to him. I've already told him that I would never sleep with him unless we were married... I don't trust him.

Luke: NJG, could you give me a blowjob outside of marriage?

NJG: No.

Luke: NJG, does it bother you that each of the last three days, I've blown loads fantasizing about Cocksocket?

CS: The Luke F-rd Masturbation society was completely dead on, which makes it hilarious.

NJG: It read like a teen boy had written it...

CS: Someone he doesn't even know sent it, someone who doesn't know how he's been abusing himself the last three days.

NJG: He abuses himself every day and he talks about it all the time.

Luke: The last three days, when I've been choking my chicken, I've only been thinking about Cocksocket. Normally I think about six or seven girls until I get off...

CS: I don't care if you're thinking about the next door neighbor's cat...

NJG: Bestiality rears its ugly head again...

Luke: No poofters.

CS: Luke, what did I tell you about not using that word. It's derogatory and it's mean.

NJG: Yeah Luke, it's derogatory and it's mean.

You can't change a man.

CS: I can change his behavior when he's talking to me or I won't be talking to him. I don't care what he does when he's not talking to me. And he knows that I don't like that derogatory phraseology.

Luke: God, NJG, she's so strong.

NJG: I know. Really. Can I just lean on her strength? I'm into strong chicks.

Luke: I like strong chicks too. Maybe we can both lean on her...

CS: But I wear lipstick.

NJG: I wore lipstick to a Courtney Love concert.

Luke: Did you shoot heroin too?

CS: You gave in to the patriarchy. It wasn't created to accentuate the one thing that men most want around their cocks.

Luke: NJG, when was the last time you gave a hummer of a blowjob?

NJG: I don't know Luke, when was the last time you did?

Luke: I never have.

NJG: Are you sure? You obsess about it. Maybe you should.

Luke: No, it's gay.

NJG: But you are kinda gay. You're the dish queen. That's gay. You're into anal. That's gay. You like gangbangs. That's gay.

Luke: Cocksocket, do I seem gay to you?

CS: I'm confused. NJG, does that make you a fag hag?

NJG: Definitely am. I dig gay men. Gay men are cool. They're not wrecking women, they are wrecking each other. Plus, they're sympathetic and they love me.

Luke: Thanks NJG, good night.

Cocksocket, wasn't that a trip?

CS: Ohmigod.

Csocket99:    So, does the conversation seem even more ridiculous the 2nd time around?
Luzdedos1:    it is hilarious
Csocket99:    hilariously bad, I'd imagine
Luzdedos1:    i luv it
Luzdedos1:    i sent you a transcript
Csocket99:    Does that mean I get review rights before you post?
Luzdedos1:    yes
Csocket99:    I appreciate you being so judicious in your editing. I think NJG would be surprised that you'll do that for me
Csocket99:    And we're both your "girlfriends"? I think maybe we should be called friends...she'll go nuts if you say girlfriends. I think you should include the part about her centering every thought around men...and take out that Kendra part...she'll not like me very much.

Later, NJG phoned. I feel bad for her. I don't care who you do.

Luke: She's never encountered anyone like you.

Fred writes: So NJF lives in San Francisco, eh? I should have guessed. Poor San Francisco. Too small to be a separate nation. Too large to be an insane asylum. Gee, she lives near me. It appears that she has had some kind of traumatic event in her life, so she generally hates men, but she is burdened with normal biology, so she is attracted to men. There is nothing she can do about it. Sounds like if she doesn't get therapy, she will live out a conflicted and stormy existence. Tell her that Dr. Fred Freud is willing to take on new patients.

Cookie writes: I am a generation older than you but I have to hand it to you. You must sit and laugh your ass off at these women. I would if I were you. Can I offer a suggestion? Don"t ever get married until you are 60. Keep having a good time and keep laughing at these poor fools. I can't believe that in listening to these 2 women that they are actually baring their souls, or are they just spending hours twiddling their twines. This can't be for real. Are women really so desperate that they actually degrade themselves in writing? Oh well I guess it is the new age. You have one that supposedly hates men? You have another that apparently loves all men. Go for it Luke this is your kingdom.

Luke Threeways Brandy, NJG

9/17/99

BrandyAlx1: So, when do I get to have a threeway with you and NJG? I'm jealous. I thought we were an item?

So at 5:30 PM, Luke conducted a threeway phonecall with NJG and Brandy Alexandre.

Brandy: In the porn circle, I'm like Albert Einstein. Perhaps that's why I don't want to step out of it.

BrandyAlx1: Okay, so out of all the little quotes you could pull from that conversation, you pulled one completely out of context because you knew it was flame fodder. Right? Luzdedos1: Right.

Our conversation late Friday afternoon, shortly before the Holy Sabbath, began with Nice Jewish Girl (NJG) telling Brandy why she admires her.

NJG: You kick men's ass.

Brandy: And they hate it. And I have this horrible repuation as a bitch...

NJG: So do I. Are you a Scorpio?

Brandy: No, but I have a Scorpio moon though. I'm a Cancer.

NJG: Courtney Love is a Cancer...

Brandy: We're sensitive and weird...

NJG: Oh, I love sensitive and weird.

Brandy: Luke doesn't believe in this stuff.

NJG: Luke totally believes in it.

Luke: I'm agnostic on astrology.

NJG: Do you believe anything Luke says?

Brandy: Not usually.

NJG: Thank you.

Brandy: You and I are a lot alike. I read your discussions...

NJG: I am totally your fan too... This woman is brilliant and she gets s--- all the time. People just rake her over the coals.

Luke: She's not deferential enough to men.

NJG: Shut up Luke.

Brandy: Am I supposed to just roll over and be like Cocksocket?

NJG: The only reason he likes normal chicks is that they are not like you and me Brandy. They are not going to rake him over the coals for every little s--- that he does.

Brandy: I only rake people over for stuff that I know that they are wrong about and I know that I am right.

NJG: I'm in a similar job to what you had at Forest Lawn... I feel so bad for what happened to you... You should be in a union. I hate unions too, and I rake my union over the coals...

Brandy: I worked for Sony in a floater pool... And they put me in this job for supposedly only two weeks. Nine weeks later, I'm still there. But they said that if I did not join the union, they would terminate me. So I said, fire me, I will not join your union.

Brandy: By working three years for a studio, movies have been totally ruined for me. And being totally brilliant... Within the first 15 minutes, I've got it and I can go home. If I lose interest in the story right away, there is lots of other stuff I can look at... XXX and I went to see Notting Hill five times.

NJG: If the story line isn't emotionally pushing me to the wall...

Brandy: It was a celebrity commoner union...significant to our relationship. And as our relationship progressed, we wanted to see how we related to the characters...

Luke: Cocksocket is going to convert to Judaism and become my brood mare.

NJG: In your dreams baby... You want to live off her...

Brandy: I have the same ideals but it is not the same when a woman goes after a guy with money...

NJG: But when women go after a guy with bucks, the guy is a frog... Luke, if you hook up with her, will you send me and Brandy to Europe together...

Brandy: All I want Luke to do is cosign an apartment for me... It just sold and I was talking to the owner and he said that he'd really like me to move...

Luke: Is he Jewish?

Brandy: I think so...Sam Deutch...

Luke: It's those Jews, bloodsucking...

NJG: My ex landlord won his building in a crap game... We organized against him.

Luke: You chicks need to stop organizing and become more deferential to men.

Brandy: If I can get a guy to marry me and give me everything I need, I will do what he wants...

NJG: Go for somebody who is hot looking...

Brandy: I met someone online... We communicated for a year before he sent me a picture...and it just destroyed the relationship... He was passing through, singing at a wedding... I picked him up at LAX... And the superficial part of me tookover... Then I got to go to one of his performances... He sang "Maria" from West Side Story... But by that time, because I had been so shallow, he married someone else.

I keep trying to give Luke a chance, the dog that he is... But his personality just doesn't hold up either...

The only reason Luke is Jewish is that it is the only religion that does not have excommunication.

NJG: He's Jewish because he's antisemitic.

Brandy: Kinda like that Seinfeld episode where that comedian converted to Judaism so he could tell the Jewish jokes...

NJG: Luke digs torment...so he's Jewish.

Brandy: He and John Stagliano ought to get together... They'd get along so well. They are both these angst ridden people who could go bemoan their existence and how the world does not confirm to their ideals... Then Luke could do him up the butt and then they would all be happy.

Luke: NJG, do you know who John Stagliano is?

NJG (thinking of Ron Jeremy): Is he that fat guy?

Luke: No, he is Buttman, a leading innovative pornographer.

Brandy: I created Buttman... I used to do the promotion for Evil Angel.

NJG: I've never heard of Buttman.

Brandy: You never heard of Brandy Alexandre and Best Butte in the West and these other fantastic movies she made?

NJG: No.

Brandy: My contemporary is Barbara Streisand in Yentl, because she also wrote, produced and directed...

Luke: A lot of critics have compared Best Butte in the West to Yentl.

NJG: Whenever I hear of porno, I go ugghhh... These are all people Luke knows and Luke f---s... And they are all so ugly, except for John Decker.

NJG: Was Ginger Lynn in that Metallica video?

Luke: Yes, she was the hooker.

Brandy: What a stretch.

NJG: No offense to Ginger but she's lived a really hard life. That's the thing about porn. You know what it kills first? It kills your face. I think girls should get way more money because your looks are going to die really quick.

Luke: I think it'd be good for their faces, considering all the semen that gets splashed on them...

NJG: These women are getting taken advantage of and they should organize...

Brandy: But there's always someone who's a little more desperate and willing to do it for a little less...

It's my mission in life to make porn stars look better so I can look better by association... But the girls in the industry tend to be dumb.

NJG: Your face is going to fall the longer you are in it...

Brandy: Mine is still in the same place, though a little wrinklier than it used to be... I got fat for a while and when I got back to the weight I used to be, for some reason it did not all snap back in the same place... I don't know if the industry did it or that's what happens when you get fat...

NJG: Were you eating out of frustration over what you had been doing? I've known sex workers and they feel so contemptuous of those guys...

Brandy: I started gaining weight when I worked for this nail products company... Within the first week I was working there, they found out who I was, through no fault of my own... I started wearing frumpy clothes and I allowed myself to gain weight. I cut my hair off... Because I figured if I allowed myself to become less attractive, it wouldn't have the impact on my job... Of course it did... I got heavier, and when I hit 150 pounds, I stopped...

You do get very jaded in the industry and I still keep people at a great emotional distance...

Luke, would give up chasing porn stars after one blowjob from me...

NJG: Don't be sweet on him. Brandy, you read how he treated me the next day... After we had gone out and he was leaning on me and holding my hand and being all sweet to me... And the next day he disses me and doesn't even walk near me...

Brandy: It was because you didn't put out.

NJG: No, he's like that to every girl.

Luke: I had a lot on my mind that day. I had just been to the Playboy Expo...

NJG: He wants an innocent girl he can treat like s---...

Brandy: I think he puts out this 'I'm practically impotent' thing to present a challenge to women... So these women will think, 'let me help you. I bet you won't with me.' I almost did the same thing...

I think everyone would like to see it. You come down and hold the camera and we'll do this great Brandy Gives Luke A Blow Job and we'll see how flacid it stays the whole time. Then we'll have a debate whether Luke is a total loser or because Brandy is scary.

NJG: I think any girl with an opinion is scary to Luke...

Luke: I'm just looking for someone to love me. To mother me...

NJG and Brandy laugh at me.

Luke: My mommy died when I was very young and I had to live with many different families and I just want a little affection and tenderness...

NJG: That's why he leaves every chick he sleeps with after 15 minutes...

Brandy: I have my original parents and siblings and I just don't know how to relate to that...

Luke: I'm in pain...

Brandy: But I was raised Mormon, so I am just as whacked as him...

NJG: That's why he leaves every chick he sleeps with after 15 minutes...

Brandy: I hate Andrea Dworkin... She has no concept of the differences between men and women. And why those differences exist...

NJG: Because men use all their power against us.

Luke: I'd like to use something against you right now baby.

Brandy: Andrea Dworking is so afraid of the penis...

NJG: She's living with a man... She's doing him...

Luke: He's a poofter.

NJG: Why is she living with him [John Stoltenberg] in the same room?

Luke: They wanted to look normal but they are both queer.

NJG: They are in love. They met in their 20s. They totally have sex. Brandy, did you read her quotes?

Luke: Brandy doesn't read my site.

NJG: But you read it for me, right? Oh, there she is! I've got to read this...

Brandy: I like to glance at the Nice Jewish Girl stuff...How you rag on him. We think alike in our assessments of Luke...

NJG: When I first met Luke, I really liked you Brandy. And he was like, Oh Brandy, she's done all these evil things to me...

Brandy: The reason that I lost my job was because of Luke putting my real name out there... And whenever people were losing their arguments with me, they'd start calling me by my real name... And it trickled down to some psychos...

NJG: Is John Decker bright?

Luke: Yes.

Brandy: That's my problem in relationships. I have yet to meet someone who is my intellectual equal.

NJG: I hear you Brandy. Most guys don't even like intelligent chicks... And Jewish guys don't like Jewish chicks...

Brandy: I think that's why I liked XXX so much because he was so much smarter than me and I've never encountered that... In the porn circle, I'm like Albert Einstein. Perhaps that's why I don't want to step out of it.

NJG: How about Gloria Leonard? She seems smart.

Brandy: Yeah, kinda.

NJG: I like her vibe. She's this Jewish ballsy chick who's like, f--- Luke F-rd.

Brandy: I would classify her with Nina Hartley and Annie Sprinkle...

NJG: I'm not into Nina's trip... Oh, it is so healthy...

Brandy: I don't get into that rah rah, we're all exercising our First Amendment rights. I think that's bulls---. I think we all know deep down why we're here...

NJG: Money...

Brandy: That goes on because people want to feel better... They want to have a better image... You know why you're here. Face it, have fun with it, and move on from it when you're done... And you should be able to move on from it when you're done because society is saying that it is so bad, and you'd like to get real jobs... And I got one, and look at what happened. And that is something I am trying to approach in my book that will never be published.

NJG: I've got his book here right now from the library... I don't know... He's great on the website but his book... I still love you Lukey... I guess it is well researched...but it is unexciting.

Brandy: It is not. Luke took information from every possible source he could and believed it to be true... He didn't do any research on his own. He read a bunch of magazines.

I told him a year ago that instead of relying on quotes, he should put it in his own voice... He said, yeah, yeah, Brandy... I was always ragging on him anyway. He thought I was trying to tear him down. Then look at Publisher's Weekly. They said the same thing. There's no unifying theme...

NJG: His style is raw.

Brandy: Rog says that the book was good before it went to the publisher and a lot of it had to be cut out...

Luke: Yeah, the editor kept redpenning "libel, slander, gossipy..."

NJG: That's the best part. Slanderous, libelous, gossipy is great.

Brandy: He was with Prometheus and they do not have a nice legal department to handle these things... I would like to find a larger publisher.

He's got this area for the gossip which shares the same amount of space as his own picture... I just grab the scroll bar and go down fast looking for NJG.

NJG: Luke, you have no understanding of lesbians. You think lesbians are what they do in porn movies. Incorrect. They don't even look like real dykes. I've never even seen any dykes that look like those chicks in porn movies that do girl girl scenes.

Brandy: Gay for pay, and I refused. I did not do one single lesbian scene... There are people who say I did because Nina Hartley went down on me, or Trinity Loren went down on me, but I never did...

Nina is very much by formula. She's been doing it a long time. Even when she speaks, she sounds like a recording of herself... She even says it the same way. There was a joke way back that all the guys had a pattern, oh god, oh god, oh god, repeat... Do this with the tongue, do this with the tongue. Do this with the dick...

NJG: I think in the longterm relationships, that is exactly what happens. If you even have sex after awhile...

Brandy: It was the very last thing that went out of my relationship with Stagliano. Sex was the one thing we had in common. Two years... My longest relationship...

NJG: I had two three-year old ones but I stopped having sex after a while. There's a lot of emotional pain with somebody and it gets to the point where I just don't want to sleep with you anymore...

Brandy: For me... I really want to have sex with you, but you don't deserve it.

NJG: You're like, I'm so mad at you, I really hate you... I don't even want to sleep with you... I see a faucet tap... At one point, I see it turned on at full force, nymphomaniac style... Then it depends on how much bulls--- they give you... If they give too much bulls---, I see the tap turn all the way off...

Brandy: I try not to use sex as a weapon anymore. If I want it, I get it. If I don't want, they don't get it. But usually I want it... I got my cat Kami to replace a guy.

NJG: We do a lot of things to replace guys.

Brandy: I think I made a good trade. She replaced Buddy Love [porn actor]. He was cute but he was also a crack addict.

NJG: Brandy, you have really bad taste in guys... But I do too.

Brandy: I don't generally have bad taste. It's just that someone needed me to let him stay the night so he could get on set in the morning... He never left...

NJG: Lukey, tell me more about John Decker.

Luke: He's smart. He divorced Roxanne Hall.

NJG: But he's a major player. He's like you.

Luke: Yeah, he Fs for a living.

NJG: But I don't care about that. I don't care if people F. for a living...

Luke: But if I do it with someone for fun, with someone I meet at synagogue...

NJG: No, I don't care about that because now I know that they don't mean anything... No one you do means anything.

Brandy: He wants a nice Jewish girl but he doesn't do anything to deserve a nice Jewish girl.

NJG: He's just not grown up enough...

Luke: I'm ready to settle down.

NJG: Well, I hope that you settle down with that woman because I want to go to Europe... We'll all go together. You can hang out and f--- her and we'll just hang out. And you have to pay for my pet sitter.

Brandy: Luke, you'd get a lot of press out of it...

NJG: A girl who is not working class like us. She is naive... Working class women will not put up with bulls--- for one second... These rich chicks take lots of bulls---. You don't see working class women getting plastic surgery for guys, except the ones in porno. Working class women are tough, they can spot a wolf....

Brandy: I'd like to meet her rich brother...

NJG: Me too...

Brandy: I'm willing to put up with quite a bit for someone who just makes my life more comfortable...

NJG: You and Luke. Hos. The both of you... I have more pride than both of you. I've had a really hard life. And everything I've done, I've worked for...

Brandy: I've been working since I was 16 and I deserve a few years off...

Luke: NJG, I thought you were raped at 16.

NJG: Like I couldn't have a job and be raped. And it was 13.

Luke: And you were incested at 12?

NJG: Yeah.

Brandy: I talked myself out of rape once... I was 18...

NJG: Well, when you are 13, it is really hard...

Luke: Especially when you really want it...

Brandy: At 15, I had a guy expose himself to me and to this day I'm amazed at how quick my mind worked... I just said yeah, so... This guy in a pickup truck pulled up along side of me and asked where a certain street was... I said it is a mile down that way... Then he pulled it out and asked, what do you think? He was stroking it. And I was like, so?

NJG: I would've gone, oooohhh, you're ugly...

Brandy: It looks like a penis, only smaller.

NJG: I had that happen to me when I was walking home from high school one night. There were tons of men in the bushes... And they were doing it. And I was so freaked out that I ran all the way home.

Brandy: This guy in a motorcyle pulled up ahead of me and starts digging in his trousers... When I got up there, I pointed and laughed and he covered up and went away...

NJG: Luke wants all the disgusting details because he has rape fantasies... Brandy, that is not unusual. That happens to every single chick on the planet.

Brandy: That is not the reason I turned into a porn star?

NJG: You turning into a porn star had more to do with rebellion...

Brandy: I was trying write a chapter about all the possible things that happened in my life that led me to porn... I ended up trashing it all because I didn't want to provide excuses for other people to say...

NJG: You should write that. Andrea would love that. She's a goddess.

Luke: She's an angry little bitch. She's a cunt. She needs to get raped...

NJG: I think you do, by a big ugly guy.

Brandy: A big ugly dyke with a strap-on.

No, Luke's ok... And this is off the record. Out of all the people in the industry who do all their preaching about looking after the kids, and keep supporting them, and everyone look out for each other and if anyone ever has any trouble, call these people, Luke was really the only one who was there. And he's so generally hated by the industry, I found it interesting...

NJG: I don't see why everyone hates him, it's just gossip.

Brandy: Because it's spiteful. That's why he hasn't changed my bio. I've asked him a million times. I even rewrote it for him.

Ultra indy: What a pair of confused individuals. No wonder you connect with them both. Ultra indy: Actually, I retract that. They are confused. You are conflicted.

NJG writes Brandy about Cocksocket: She's not who she says she is. She's a fake. Her so-called innocence is good though. Had me convinced for a second. But Luke is blinded by this and won't investigate it because he wants to believe LOL Luke's been HAD BIG TIME BY THIS CHICK! LOL. There is NO WAY she's who she says she is. NO WAY. Well good luck to her you know? She had me believing for a second and I can spot 'em a mile away, my step-father was a salesman, he taught me to spot 'em. I'm spotting one right now. ROTFLMFAO!! Luke deserves it though, and more.

NJG:    You are like my "straight guy" you know
NJG:    you think?
NJG:    and I am your drama queen!
NJG:    and YOU LOVE DRAMA!!
NJG:    and Fred he cracks me up!
Luzdedos1:    Yes
NJG:    Luke you think I am super psychic?
NJG:    be honest
Luzdedos1:    yes
NJG:    thank you
NJG:    I really appreciate that
NJG:    to be honest that is the reason I can never have sex with you
NJG:    really honest
NJG:    any kind of sex
NJG:    Luke you think I am super sensitive?
Luzdedos1:    yes
NJG:    thank you sweetie! :) :)
NJG:    you get two stars from me for that Lukey :)
Luzdedos1:    :)
NJG:    did you like what mom wrote you?
NJG:    mommy what mommy wrote you
Luzdedos1:    yes
NJG:    isn't she the coolest mommy in the universe?
NJG:    "I dig these Jewish chicks and they're shunning me because of my website." Luke these chix would still shun you without the website. You have to realize it is the way you are. You aren't good to girlz.
NJG:    they have pretty good self esteem, and no one with good self-esteem would want you, sorry. They would see you coming from a mile away.

Rapestock

Nice Jewish Girl (NJG), feeling feisty before her period, writes about Woodstock: I've been searching and posting throughout the net. Anyone notice how the guys come to, say alt.feminism, and just go on and on about how women are bitches, feminazis, and that men are great, and that there's no sexism, that we made it all up. Everyone is all equal now. And they claim that the feminists are f---ing everything up because they're whiny little bitches. So at alt.feminism, btw, there are only like one or two girlz there, the rest are the creepy men. Or over at the bbs for the woodstock thing that neva wrote there's a bunch of creepy guys who say the same thing, over and over. Sexism doesn't exist.

And if that's true how come we hate men so much more? How come men treat us WORSE than ever? How come feminism has become a dirty word? How come Andrea Dworkin is a dirty word and causes men to call her a "cunt"? Well it seems to me that men are the whiny ones here, they are whining again, about how women are bitches and feminazis. So men, I have this to say to you, if you don't like us, don't like feminism, don't like Andrea, you have two options. You can find some less bright girl, a la Pam Anderson who doesn't mind that you are an idiotic whiner and won't call you on your stuff, or you can like guys. If you like an intelligent equal then expect that you will be confronted, over and over on the sexist stuff you do. I do realize that many men like Pam Anderson ROFLMAO, they do you know, they find her porn star image so appealing! ROTFLMFAO, well if that's your cup of tea, then fine. LOL LOL LOL LOL

How would guys have liked it if they had to show their dicks to other guys just to go pee? And raped in the mosh pits? I just love how a significant MAJORITY of men on this board don't believe it happened, name call us feminists (oooh we are SCARED). Many many women had unreported incidents according to Ann Powers who I believe wrote the piece for the NY Times or something. I never understand why men come over to this board or other ng's like alt.feminism (which is almost all woman-hating men, except for a girl or two)and trash women, it doesn't make sense, except again, it has to do with men dominating over women. Which is why men are a big problem. And all these guys do is name call and say really dumb stuff. That is the male mind. Ladies we must excuse them, their mind doesn't function very well except on "DICK HARD -MUST f--- OR RAPE".

I saw this movie called "Rosie". It played in L.A. already I've heard. It's about this 13 year old girl, Rosie. She is beautiful and inspiring. She has a crush on a boy she sees on a bus, Jimi. He is kind of cold to her, but then either she imagines this completely cool relationship with him or it really happens, I'm not sure. Her "uncle" comes to stay with her and her single mom. Her single mother had her when she was 13 or 14. Her mother loves her, but wants Rosie to call her "sister" not mother. This hurts Rosie terribly and she really needs her mom to be her mother.

The uncle starts laying down the law to Rosie, she has to come home earlier, she can't go out. The uncle is a loser and a gambler and has a weird relationship with the mom. The mom gets a nice boyfriend. There is tension between the uncle and the boyfriend. Rosie has already shown that there is something strange going on with her. She steals a child, then gives it away. She is mostly a little girl, and can be cruel, but seems just to need love. In the end her uncle is trying to get her down from her hiding place outside in an industrial part of the town and is climbing up to her. She steps on his hand. He falls. He breaks his neck but is alive. Rosie does not want to help him. He tells her he is a scumbag, but that he is her father, FATHER.

Rosie does not want him in her and her mother's lives. She thinks he is destructive. In the end the mother's bf finds him and saves him. Rosie gets sent to an institution, where people are either "crazy" or "have killed someone". But the running theme of incest bothered me a lot in this flick, and frankly I am sick of indie movies with incest themes.

Luke: Cocksocket wanted me to tell you (she thought it would drive you crazy): I think going down on a woman is gross.

NJG: Interesting. So we're even. But do you ask for oral?

Luke: Yes, I love it.

NJG: What you want to call me for another 3-way with CS? It seems that she has questions for me or something. Please tell her that it is fine. And also, that I don't want you, to sleep with or even really marry, IRL. Tell her that you are hers because ...well just because. I dunno, tell her that you would die for her or something romantic like that. Do I have to write all your lines for you Luke?

Luke: Cocksocket, I would die for you. I love you.

NJG: No Luke, you love her money.

Kendra Jade Threeway

Here's a transcript of my conversation over the phone 9/21/99 with Kendra Jade and Nice Jewish Girl (NJG).

Kendra: I ain't doing jack s---. Just getting ready for the East Coast Video Show [in Atlantic City, Oct. 5-8].

Luke: "Wouldn't that be romantic if I came along with you?"

Kendra: "No. You tell Kianna that I will be there with bells on. You should go."

Luke: "I can't. It's the Sabbath."

Kendra: "All that Jewish stuff..."

Luke: "Do you think there are too many Jews in porno?"

Kendra: "Are there Jews in porno?"

Luke: "There are tons, Stevie Hirsch, Paul Fishbein..."

Kendra: "I think there are too many Jews period..."

Laughter...

Luke: "Why do you say that?"

Kendra: "I don't know. I'm just being a smart ass. Are you Jewish?"

Luke: "Yeah."

Kendra: "That makes too many."

Luke: "Do you think Hitler was wrong?"

Kendra: "No... I probably would've dated him. My horrible taste in men."

Luke: "You like me."

Kendra: "Point taken. No, I don't mind Jews. They just have too many holidays and stuff. I would be a Jew if it meant I could get presents eight days in a row at Christmas. But it is too much of a hassle to convert. I like going out on the weekends."

Luke: "Don't you want to settle down with me baby and make babies?"

Kendra: "No."

Luke: "Let me get Nice Jewish Girl on the phone."

We get her answer machine.

Kendra: "Yeah, I want to know why she is so f---ing catty to me, man? She doesn't even know me."

Luke: "She's jealous that you've touched a part of me that she never could."

Kendra: "I highly doubt it. We all have our regrets... Seriously, listen, call Luke back and he's going to beep me on the phone and you are going to tell me why you are always saying such mean s--- about me and you don't know me. If you know me and you want to call me a bitch, that is totally f---ing cool... But you don't, so you're wrong."

Kendra: "I don't think Luke is half the stuff he pretends to be."

NJG: "Oh no, he's totally not."

Luke: "What do I pretend to be that I am not?"

NJG: "Pathetic, just want love. No girls love you, yadayada..."

Kendra: "I think he puts on a different face for every single person that he is in the room with... Like in this business, us girls obviously we put on a different face in front of our fans... We have our own secrets and skeletons in the closet. Luke is the same way. He puts on a different face with every person he's around. With me, he's one person. With you, he's somebody else."

NJG: "How many porn stars and strippers really lesbians?"

Kendra: "I think most are just gay for pay. I'm very outspoken. I don't really give a f--- what anybody thinks. How many of these girls really love anal sex? How many girls really want three dicks in their ass at the same time? How many really love it?"

Luke: "Isn't that you, Kendra?"

NJG: "Luke, shut up. We're not talking to you."

Kendra: "Luke, if this is for your website, that's me. Yeah, I love it."

Luke: "I love to watch those movies where..."

NJG: "Because you're really sick in the head..."

Luke: "And jerk off."

Kendra: "How often do you do that?"

Luke: "About five times a week."

Kendra: "I think you're lying. About three times a day."

Luke: "You know me. I don't have that much wood. I haven't been able to get it up for the last three months."

Kendra: "Really, why?"

NJG: "Don't feel sorry for him. I'm detecting..."

Kendra: "I don't at all. I'm just curious as to his reasoning."

Luke: "I just can't find anyone who really cares about me."

Kendra: "Listen, f---ing is not about who cares about you, Luke. Are you looking for someone to f--- or someone to fall in love with?"

Luke: "Both."

NJG: "He's not looking for anything."

Kendra: "If you're looking for someone to fall in love with, you need to stop f---ing chicks. And if you're looking for someone to f---, you need to stop falling in love with them."

Luke: "It's time for me to settle down."

Kendra: "With who?"

NJG: "With the AVN magazines stacked up in his house."

Kendra: "He can settle down with his computer and make a nice happy life for himself."

NJG: "He's already settled into the life he really wants to live."

Kendra: "You make your bed and you lie in it."

NJG: "We were dishing about Marilyn Manson, so Luke, can you stay out of this conversation."

Kendra: "I have a list of 50 people that I want to have sex with. Marilyn Manson is number one. I have never had sex with him but I know people who have. They say he's really warped and stuff, that he pisses on girls..."

Luke: "Would you like that?"

Kendra: "No, I don't dig the peeing thing."

NJG: "He'd have to pay her. Really. Dignity, ok Luke? She's not going through any degradation without pay."

Kendra: "I've been through enough degradation in this business. I don't need anymore. I also have 20 bonus ones who I'd do if they were there..."

Luke: "Where am I?"

Kendra: "You didn't even make the list. The list is a bet between me and my friend. We write down the day we did the person... It's not fair because there are people that I already did who are on the list but they don't really count so I have to do them again to make them count."

Luke: "Who are the celebrities that you've done?"

Kendra: "None of your business Luke. I don't kiss and tell anymore. The people on my mailing list know. I tell them everything every day.

"I was on stage with M&M, Everlast, Dr. Drea, The Route and Blackeyed Peas... My sister is 12 years old and into teeny bopper music. So I took her to meet the Boys From Instinct... That little 19 year old boy... I told him that in two years, when he's 21, he needs to come see me. He's so f---ing cute. And I hate these little teeny boppers. Like Brittany Spears. What a little whore! She's like half naked on the cover of Rolling Stone at age 17? She has breast implants. She's gone for liposuction. She's sick."

NJG: "She's under 18 and she's getting it all."

Kendra: "I like '80s metal bands like LA Gun."

Luke: "I used to play in an '80s metal band, Kendra."

Kendra: "No you didn't. I liked the hair bands like Poison, Skid Row..."

NJG: "I was Miss Punk Rock in the '80s."

Kendra: "I would've had so much fun if I had grown up in LA."

NJG: "I met Exene. What a skank. She was mean to me."

Kendra: "Girls have never liked me. Ever. I'm lucky if I have two girlfriends."

Luke: "I'll be your girlfriend Kendra. I'm just a big fairy."

Kendra: "I like gay people because they make good friends."

Luke: "I'm the Queen of Dish Kendra. I'll be your girlfriend."

NJG: "You steal everything from me. I called you the Queen of Dish. He steals from me every day Kendra. He takes my ideas and he rapes me."

Kendra: "I'm sweating my ass off in this tanning bed..."

Luke: "What are you wearing?"

Kendra: "None of your business."

NJG: "A clown suit."

Kendra: "I think we should talk on threeway every day and abuse Luke. He likes that."

Luke: "I do. Deeper. Harder. Oh f--- me right now. Oh yeah."

Kendra: "I wish I was there so I could cut your head off."

NJG: "Kendra, before I ever knew you, I heard you on Howard Stern. I liked you. I thought you were cool. That thing with Gange [a guy on the Howard Stern show that slept with Kendra], that pissed me off with the way he was towards you."

Kendra: "I was getting attention at the time and he wanted to get some of it. f--- it. I used Jerry Springer for his f---ing name. f--- it. He was trying to jump on the bandwagon. He lied a lot. He thought he was making good TV. And he hurt my feelings... Because at that point I was only a couple of months into the business and I didn't know how people were... I was naive and s--- like that. So when I was dating him, I figured he liked me... But he was pretty much a bulls--- artist like most men."

Luke: "Kendra, you can trust me."

NJG: "I've had one nice boyfriend in my entire life."

Kendra: "I had one great one before I moved out here. For a couple of years. A cop. And he was f---ing amazing. Incredible. We split up and I came out here to do this."

NJG: "I hate men because they're pigs."

Kendra: "From now on we will gang up on Luke and Cocksocket."

NJG: "I was shocked that she made fun of your hair."

Kendra: "No matter what I do, people have bad things to say. If I was just in the normal f---ing world, and not in this business, do you think people would put me down every day for teh way I look, because my nose isn't just right... Maybe I'm not plastic enough or too plastic or whatever... When you put yourself out there, people judge you. This business just kicks your f---ing self esteem in the head. They always make you feel too fat, too skinny, too ugly, your tits aren't right, your teeth are a little crooked, your nose is bad.

"Before I signed a contract to get into this business, they wanted me to have my nose done. Have my teeth capped, have my lips done, my boobs done, have lipo..."

NJG: "Who are the people saying that? These old ugly fat guys dangling these contracts."

Kendra: "It's hard. When you have people who are so judgemental against you every single day, you start to wonder, am I not good enough? And it really sucks. It really f---ing just hurts your feelings. Because sometimes you can let it go, but sometimes, God, if they could just take five minutes out of their time and just talk to me... They might actually like me but instead they've got to sit there and put me down. It's f---ing hard and that's why I am so f---ing tired of it.

"I'm glad I got this contract. It's f---ing great. The guy is wonderful to work with. I'm going to be making my own movies and I am going to be making money off of it... Not some f---ing scumbag who doesn't give a f--- about me."

NJG: "I hope you do really well and make lots of money."

Kendra: "We have to talk more often. You can be my new friend."

Luke: "I'll be your new friend too."

Kendra: "Shut up."

NJG: "You're not our new friend. We're going to diss you."

Kendra: "On a daily basis, we're going to abuse him."

NJG: "He is so nasty to women."

Kendra: "He was never really bad to me. This is the thing. When I first started talking to him, everybody in this industry gave me s--- about it because not a lot of people like him. There was just something there that I thought was cool about him and I thought I could relate to him 'cause he was an outcast like me. Nobody liked him. So we talked a lot. He never did anything bad to me. But I don't like his f---ing negativity. I don't like that he hurts people because he's so careless in what he writes."

NJG: "I don't like that he strings women along."

Kendra: "He never did that to me. I would never say that what we had was a serious relationship...but I felt close to him as a friend. That he could relate to me. Half the people in the industry who hate him are so f---ing hypocritical because they use him to talk to him when they have s--- they want to put on his site... And then any time other than that, he's bad news. Everybody in this business is just a f---ing hypocrite... Though I've met some really good guys, like Rob Spallone and Jim DiGiorgio...

"I don't really know that many people in the business because I really don't care to... The people at VCA are really good. Luke makes himself his enemies. He goes out of his way... He prints bulls--- without even calling to say, hey, is this true? And lately Luke, your site has been boring. What's up with you? Why are you not printing good s---?"

Luke: "I'm checking my facts and losing all my good stories..."

Kendra: "You're not checking your facts..."

Luke: "You're right, just kidding."

Kendra: "You are to this business what The Enquirer is to Hollywood. But, I don't know man, people get mad at you, Luke."

NJG: "Just print the dish, I like that..."

Kendra: "But the dish can be very harmful and hurtful to people."

NJG: "But isn't that the price of fame?"

Kendra: "I can relate... But I don't do drugs or alcohol or flake on gigs... So if he prints that I am a drug addict or an alcoholic and that I am flaking, who is going to want to hire me?"

NJG: "But you can always call him and say, that's not true."

Kendra: "Why should I have to refute something and give it that energy and time?"

NJG: "But don't you think that people will consider the source?"

Kendra: "Not really. Look at this girl Jasmine saying all this stuff about Earl. That Earl is a drug addict and his wife is this... Kianna is a sweetheart... Earl, I know for a fact that she [Jasmine] paid him that money [for hurting his career] to set him up."

NJG: "That whole thing between Jasmine and Earl has to do with what happened between them and has nothing to do with the business. That is just part of the dish. It is getting bigger and bigger because they're fighting... It's interesting to watch that stuff. If I was Jasmine or Earl, I would think that this is good publicity."

Kendra: "Call me tomorrow, because I'm driving right now..."

Luke: "Are you touching yourself right now and thinking of me?"

Kendra: "No Luke, I never touch myself and think of you. Never."

NJG: "I think Luke should publish that photo of Marilyn Manson, where he's eating that chick out and is all bloody. I thought that was really edgy."

Luke: "That's disgusting."

Kendra: "I don't like Marilyn's girlfriend Rose. She's a cunt."

NJG: "She's got a Courtney Love thing..."

Kendra: "She's a pretender. She's not down..."

NJG: "You met her?"

Kendra: "No... But she's so fake I can see right through her. She's not just for him. Before him, she was a little blonde girl, all trendy. Then she gets with him and starts dying her hair all black and wears grungy stuff. Nobody cared about her until she started dating him. It's like Jennifer Aniston. How much play do you think she's gotten out of dating Brad Pitt?"

NJG: "Gwyneth Paltrow? I hate her."

Kendra: "I hate her. I won't watch Shakespeare in Love because of her."

NJG: "He says she's a Jew. I say, where?"

Kendra: "I would be a Jew because they get presents for eight days of Hanukkah instead of just one day, on Christmas."

Luke: "I'll give you presents for eight days baby."

NJG: "Shut up Luke. We aren't talking to you. You and your perverted ideas."

Kendra: "Luke, you don't give presents. You spread disease. You give the gift that keeps on giving."

NJG: "Luke, we all know you have nothing down there. Kendra knows for sure."

Kendra: "That's part of my past that I've blocked out."

Luke: "Like incest."

Kendra: "It was too traumatic."

Luke: "Kendra, do you think it is pathetic that I jerk off to your movies?"

Kendra: "You don't watch my movies."

Luke: "You're right. Pornography is immoral and degrading."

Kendra: "Luke was in Too Hot For Porno 2 but they cut him out of it."

NJG: "He wasn't up to snuff."

Kendra: "Are there really snuff movies?"

NJG: "Those people convicted in Germany. That was real. You've got to be careful Kendra."

Kendra: "I think that's disgusting. Too many people care about me, that, if I was in something like that, they would know. That girl in the movie 8mm was a girl nobody cared about. She was on the streets and nobody gave a f---. She could just disappear. I couldn't just disappear. People would know."

NJG: I do like New York mayor Guiliani. He's Italian but that's the same as Jewish. Just we don't go around and kill people, like the Mafia.

Fred: Other than what you read about on l-keford.com. Luke, why do you stress the Jews and porno thing?

Luke: Jews dominate porno. It's true and I am a servant of the truth.

NJG: Why do you pick on Jews if you are one?

Luke: It is particularly my duty as a Jew to expose what is going on. So that the world knows that a Jew is willing to stand up and expose this constant ravishing of innocent Christian women by swarthy diseased Jewish pornographers.

NJG: That's the same argument that Hitler used.

You know how they're talking about the next porn star suicide? And they say it will be Luke. I've got one even better. When I'm really depressed... How about Luke and Nice Jewish Girl ending their lives like Hitler and Eva Braun? That would be so cool.

Fred: In a bunker somewhere?

NJG: And Hitler never did Eva Braun. She wanted him to... Luke wants me but I don't want to do him.

Fred: It's just a matter of time.

NJG: If we were married.

Fred: When you going to pop the question Luke?

Luke: I'm going to marry Cocksocket.

NJG: She's so much more accomodating and deferential to him than I am.

Luke: She's more submissive. And she makes more money. I haven't met her but I've seen nude pictures of her and she has a nice rack and she's slim and she's a total shiksa [non Jew] goddess.

NJG: Fred, what's up with you and Jewish women? Are you just going to be like Luke, and leave Jewish women?

Fred: You guys keep ragging on us.

NJG Hello? Like you don't deserve it.

Luke: I deserve it. I'm a bitch. Harder and deeper.

NJG: Luke, you deserve everything I give you. You are so awful Luke. I have to control you constantly.

Fred: I am dating a shiksa now. My parents say, at this stage, if they're human, female and alive, that's fine.

NJG: You know you wont have the same opera going on with a shiksa?

Fred: She's well cultured.

NJG: You know what I'm talking about and Luke doesn't know. You have to be a real Jew to understand. The whole mental soap opera drama... Shiksas don't know drama. They're boring. They're lives are dull.

Luke: NJG, will you go out with Fred? I want you to show him a good time. I want him to do you. And then he can write about it for my website.

NJG: I don't do people, Luke. You do people.

Luke: No, you won't be doing him. He'll be doing you. You'll just be a passive recipient of his monstrous... Who was the last person you f---ed?

NJG: He was really gorgeous. He was a goy.

Fred: You're ragging on me for dating a shiksa.

NJG: He was blonde. He was tall, gorgeous, slim. He had a perfect nose. And super brilliant. He couldn't handle me... He was very destructive with a dark soul. And I'm so psychic, I could see everything.

Then before him, a Ph.D.. His father was mayor of Dallas. He was Italian. I've never dated anyone who was Jewish.

I care about brilliance and looks. I couldn't do him because he was going back to NY. I thought about it, but I didn't do it because I knew that I would commit suicide if he leaves.

We had a huge fight. He told me went to a strip club once.

Fred: That's an outrage. He went to a strip club? Ohmigod, no wonder you dumped him. I am personally offended.

NJG: I was all over his case about that for the longest time. Strip clubs are worse than dirty movies. Contact.

When I was 17, I was dating a married man who was 25. And he took me to a strip club. And it was scary. These women were ugly... Her thighs, cellulite, flabby... Looked like she had bullet holes in thighs. And her boobs were down to the floor.

Fred: What really offends you is a strip club with unattractive strippers?

Luke: NJG amuses me and I like using her material for my site. But I'm not going to marry her.

Fred: So Shay Sweet turned 21 years old today. So that means she's old enough to drink. And before she was old enough to do videos but not old enough to drink beer, because beer might make her do something irresponsible?

NJG: Luke, do you think that I don't have any feelings? That is not nice of you, to just use me for your website because I'm fascinating...

10/21/99

Luke called sicky sick Nice Jewish Girl.

Luke: "How are you feeling?"

NJG: "I've got cramps."

Luke: "You're not about to menstruate are you?"

NJG: "I am menstruating."

Luke: "OH NO, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

NJG: "It's good. It means that I am still fertile so that we can have a baby.

"Just after you get your PCR DNA test. Then we have to get all those other tests done too because your thing has been everywhere. Mine hasn't.

"So, who were you talking to?"

Luke: "Lynne L-patin."

NJG: "Oh, she's our new girl. She's part of the harem. Me, Kendra, Brandy... I like Lynne, does she like me?"

Luke: "She doesn't read my site."

NJG: "She seems to like you. Like like like you."

Luke: "I loved the stuff about loving animals."

NJG: "Ohmigod... Does she know who she's talking to? Oy ve! I noticed you had to have a horse reference in there. You've been thinking about that horse eversince you saw that [bestiality] tape. You're just jealous."

Luke: "I got her to open up."

NJG: "It's just the way that you are. Women just trust you."

Luke: "I'm really sympathetic."

NJG: "Yes, it's fake, but you are. I was thinking, Luke is really like a gay guy. And Brandy, Kendra, Lynne and me are your fag hags. We love him because he's like this gay guy with all the things that we adore."

Luke: "Sensitive and vulnerable."

NJG: "He doesn't care that you need him all the time. He's so cool about it. He doesn't care if you hate men. He's even sympathetic, he'll say, oh yeah, men are pigs. Stuff that only a gay guy would say."

12/23/99

NJG Visits Los Angeles

On the drive back from my 12/19 lecture, NJG spoke on to my tape recorder:

NJG: "I've learned more about Luke from his lecture than from knowing him... And he loves me. Last night, he was totally emotionally shut down but today, in front of an audience, he was so gregarious."

Luke: "That's how a lot of men are. I know several rabbis like that. They are open, warm, caring, magnetic in front of a mike, and then cold fish in person."

NJG: "When you go on a date with Luke, he won't talk. You'll try to make a conversation and he emotionally shuts down. And the end of the flick 'Liberty Heights," which I actually liked because I am a real Jew. And I know how my father was made fun of and beaten up because he was Jewish... Luke felt no connection to Jews in the past or their pain. And at the end of the movie, when they talked about having memories, and my father died in January... I was feeling all choked up. And the audience claps. And Luke turns to me and says, 'Well, that was pointless.' And there were people all around me sniffling. I was sniffling. I was staring at Luke for emotional support. He gave me none. I wound up yelling at him. Then, when you yell at him like something like that, he totally shuts down and disassociates like a porn star in a sex scene."

Luke: "At least I was really friend to your cousin and grandma."

NJG: "He was completely unfriendly. He just stood in the living room. They said hello... Luke broke out into a sweat and said 'I have to go back to my car.' Luke didn't even sit down. He stood in the middle of the living room and he wouldn't look at anybody, sweating profusely. Freaking out. Having a total panic attack."

Luke: "I was parked illegally."

NJG: "Last time he was at my house picking me up, he sat on my couch and again totally disassociated into the TV screen.

"I learned a lot about Luke from today's lectures. He has great feelings for a group of people. He can completely open up to a group of people. All the drive over, he wouldn't talk to me. 'Look at the traffic, isn't it awful? Good thing I have a radio.' Which he doesn't...And this is a 20 minute ride.

"Does it upset you that I spent $70 on this skirt?"

Luke: "No, it was worth it. It flatters your newly slender figure."

NJG: "I woke everybody up in the place because they were old. They really stared at me. At the end, me and Lynne conspired against Luke. First we went out to the car. Then I said, 'We have to go back in and introduce ourselves. We have to pull a Courtney Love.' So Lynne and I went back in and I introduced myself. 'I'm Nice Jewish Girl from the website.'"

Luke: "No one had even read my website or heard of NJG."

NJG: "And Lynne introduced herself as the pornographer.

"Luke, why can't you open up to me when we've been married all this time, practically, on the web?"

Luke: "Certain times you feel like opening up, such as in front of a group, or to get sex."

NJG: "Are you usually emotionally shut down?"

Luke: "Yeah, because I am a man and that is how men are."

NJG: "Do you want me to kiss you on the cheek?"

Luke: "No."

NJG: "Are you scared of me?"

Then NJG got really angry at me for not wanting her to kiss me on the cheek.

NJG: "You just look so cute, all of a sudden. It must be the fame thing, speaking to seven elderly people turns Luke on."

Then we all got in Lynne's car and drove to the Beverly Center to have a late lunch at the Souplantation.

Lynne: "Luke f---s people over inadvertently then has to adopt a posture that it is just part of his personality... Half the time when he's offensive, he has no clue about what is so offensive about what he's done."

NJG: "Luke, giving money to your temple doesn't make you a good Jew."

Luke pays yearly dues to his synagogue of $1200, which is typical for membership in a shul. Jews don't take up monetary donations in religious services like Christians.

Lynne: "You [NJG] didn't grow up in a religious straightjacket. The Seventh Day Adventists are an honest to goodness cult. There is no room in their religious framework for questioning or skepticism... That's when his father came a cropper. His father tried to blend his secular knowledge with the tenets of the cult. And you can't do that with cults."

NJG kept bugging us to stop at a health food store to get stuff for her bladder infection.

NJG: "We get them all the time, particularly after having sex with men."

Lynne: "And it's usually something they got from the last girl they had sex with. That's how you know they're screwing around."

NJG: "While Luke spoke, I could feel his father in the room. Omigod, I do not want to go to dinner with him. I want to stay in my room and not go to dinner with daddy. I'm scared of Luke's daddy."

Lynne: "I'm not afraid of anybody.

"I could feel his fear of having to live up to his expectations. He knew that dad was special, he was up here, and most people were not... And he needed to achive beyond daddy. So he had to find something where he could be better than daddy.

"So he's found this thing... Nobody else has chronicled the industry like Luke..."

NJG: "I just could feel this humongous father figure. How do you live with a father like that?"

Lynne: "I think you hide under a rock until you can get away."

Nice Jewish Girl writes: Here's my version of the events surrounding Luke and NJG. Saturday night was pretty much as he said, he was cold and unfeeling at the movies, even though the movie was about Jews in the 50's and what they went through. BTW, Liberty Heights has the gorgeous actor Adrian Brody in it (I'm pretty sure he is Italian or Jewish) and he is soooo cute. He was in Summer of Sam as the punk rock kid and I was in love with him in that flick.

Sunday, Luke picked me up at grandma's house, sat in the car and didn't come to the door! I said Luke, why didn't you come to the door? Luke said, because it was before 10:00 (!). ??? Oh he couldn't ring the doorbell?

Then the "Kiss On The Cheek Incident". Well Luke and I are really talking for a change in the car, we are bonding, and I'm thinking, oh he looks so cute, so sweet, Luke, can I kiss you on the cheek? NO he says. Why? Because he doesn't kiss anyone, because kissing is too intimate. But, I say, a kiss on the cheek? We're friends Luke! Not only that, but you always talk about having sex with me! I do?, he says, playing innocent. Yes, I say, just yesterday you were talking about sticking your 8 inches into me...oh, luke says, sheepishly. So Luke, when you had sex with XXX, did you kiss her?? No, he says. NO?!!, I say, incredulous at this revelation, How Could You Do That??!! Too intimate he says. Kissing is more intimate than having sex, he reveals.

So, as soon as I get home from L.A. today, I call XXX, my good friend, btw, and I tell her what Luke has said. WHAT??? , she says, He's a total liar!, she says, That is completely untrue!! Ok, I say, I believe you. I say, I'm gonna yell at him the next time I talk to him about it.

I'd like to say that I think Lynn takes much better pix of me than Luke does. I liked the pix in general. People are telling me I look cute, very cute, including my friend L. who called me up at grandma's house to tell me that "I saw your wedding pictures and they look beautful!!"....LOL, guess Lukey and I are still married on the net....;)

Luke though, is very cold. I don't think I can break through his blockade, and I'm pretty good at breaking through people's (and men's) walls. I can't do it. Last night when I had a fight with my grandmother and I wanted Luke to pick me up, he refused. He's not a person that you can rely on to be there. He's not a very good friend.

The whole thing between myself and Luke is like the movie Buffalo 66, directed by and starring Vincent Gallo. In it, a guy with frozen feelings, (Gallo), meets and kidnaps this beatiful sweet girl (Christina Ricci). She loves him unconditionally, but he is incapable of love. We see why because we meet his very dysfunctional family, who fall for Layla (Ricci). Layla is unable to break through to Bobby (Gallo) until the very last scene of the movie. He can't be touched, kissed, nothing. When I told this to my friend L. she said I'm more like Catherine Keener's character in Johnny Suede (played by Brad Pitt), another great indie movie. She's more of a rowdy, wild, angry girl and throws her shoes at Suede (Pitt) in the movie. But, there's no way that Luke is like Johnny Suede. Luke is emotionally shut down in a big way. Oh btw, wish I could have been there yesterday, I would have protected him against MA...