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Former porn star Shelley Lubben shares her story with members of Valley Bible Fellowship

Matt O'Brien writes 11/4/05:

This is just another story about a teenager who didn't get along with her parents, left home and was lured into prostitution. Just another story about a street prostitute who became an escort, a stripper and a porn star. Another story about a porn star who caught an incurable STD, tried to commit suicide, then found God. A story about sex and salvation.

On Oct. 30, Shelley Lubben shared her story with about 100 female members of Valley Bible Fellowship. If she left any details out, we don't want to hear them. The tale was tragic -- and heroic -- enough.

Shelley Lubben Was A Porn Star

In 1993-94, Shelley made about 30 porn movies (she was 25, 26).

We speak by phone Wednesday afternoon, September 14, 2005.

Luke: "What was your stage name?"

Shelley: "I've never revealed that. But I looked on your website today and saw Sky Lopez, Aria and them [porn stars who've found God], and I thought, 'They've got to live with their crap,' so maybe I should say my name. I'm not going to put it on my website because I have a lot of sex addicts I'm helping. A lot of them are Christian and there's a chance that they'd go and view that.

"I went by the name Roxy. The problem is there are so many [porn stars by that name] online. I've researched it and I know which movies are mine."

After our conversation, Shelley writes me about this list:

Not all of them are my old movies, but about 7 of them are plus some others that aren’t listed there. "Used and Abused 2." "Roxy, A Gang Bang Fantasy." For some reason they have it under Roxy Rider. Some of my movies are under other Roxy’s. Should of picked a more unique name like – Hot Lava. Just wanted you to know I’m for real. It’s gross to put it out there but if it helps others to see I’m for real in order for them to get help, I’ll do it.

Shelley: "I was more of a rising starlet. I worked with Ron Jeremy, Peter North, Nikki Sinn, Bionca, Max Hardcore... They re-released two of my movies last year. The Lord is leading me back into the world to reach people.

"I'd say I did about 30 movies.

"I knew Rodney Moore when he was in the movies. One of our movies won an award at AVN. Someone else called me in 1993-94. AVN wanted to nominate me for Best Newcummer. I freaked out and left.

"I knew Bobby Hollander well. I loved him so much. He was wonderful to me. I'm not mad at these people. I used to hang out with Peter North. He was a really nice guy. He was sweet. Most of the men were sweet. I'm not saying there wasn't abuse going on, because there was. But I have a big heart for them.

"It was mostly the women who were bitchy, although there were some nice ones like Bionca, who was very kind to me."

Luke: "Do people recognize you from your work?"

Shelley: "No. I don't look anything like I used to."

Luke: "Did you stay in touch with anyone from the industry?"

Shelley: "No. Just recently, I contacted a few people. I wanted to reach out with the love of God. Keep it real. Keep it simple. Rodney Moore told me it was ok if I wanted to believe in Santa Claus."

I send Shelley to JCsgirls.com.

Shelley: "Oh, how cool! They're so cute! I just think it's cool that it's not some frumpy Bible-thumpers. It's hot chicks. I'm putting together a team of girls like Charlie's Angels. We're thinking about calling it God's Angels."

Luke: "You wrote that porn actors and actresses are desperately unhappy. Do you hold by that?"

Shelley: "I hung out with them. They were so desperate for company. They were always saying, 'What are you doing? What are you doing?' I was a prostitute at the same time. I'd been doing that for years before porn. I ran a prostitution house. I was really into the money. If we weren't making money, I didn't want to party.

"[Porners] would be [desperate]: 'We're going to have a party and we're all going to be here. Can you come?' Geez, these people must have no friends, no life.

"I've seen girls vomiting in a bathroom after a scene. I see 'em getting drunk and smoking Marlboros around the corner from the set. It's nasty. It's gross when there's catered food and rags full of you-know-what on just around the corner from the catered food. It's really disgusting."

Luke: "For some people, porn has helped them get straight. I've known people who were drug addicts [such as Chloe] and they came into the industry and found a substitute family and it helped them kick their drug addiction."

Shelley: "I totally agree with that. If they didn't have anyone, and you can see why I don't like religion a whole lot, they had to go find another family. The porn industry is one big family. Camraderie. Because they're outcasts.

"I was so new, I was also working as an LA Mermaid. We got to do the Oscar party one year at Chasens. We were hostesses. They didn't know I did porn. Some [porners] wanted to get into the Oscar party and they wouldn't let 'em. I said, 'I'll try to get you in.' I was leading these triple lives. They were outcasts. Hollywood was like, no, no, no.

"I had clients who were Hollywood producers. I don't know what it is like now, but back then [porners] were not welcome into the Hollywood community. So [porners] are like this little family. They're always having barbecues. It's like a church barbecue only people are naked and playing volleyball.

"Not everyone could be trusted in the family. We all said that we were going to stay faithful. 'I'll just sleep with you. I'll just work with you.' And we'd all go sleep with a bunch of other people. It's a sick, twisted family.

"A lot of that time I was intoxicated. I'd have to see the movie to remember. I'm looking at some of the movie covers to see if that helps me remember so that way I can validate... I care about helping people. If this helps me help people, then I'll do it. I'm at the point where you could send me an anal shot, and I'd say, it's no big deal. I'm totally healed.

"The church I go to, Valley Bible Fellowship, is really cool. The Christian community has been very supportive. Sexindustrysurvivors.com just asked me to revise their 12-step program. I'm going to try to hold workshops in the San Fernando Valley helping women recover [from sex work].

"My husband totally supports me. We're a really strong family. I have three daughters. That was my main reason I didn't want to come out but God told me, 'Either you trust me or you don't.' They go to Christian schools. I let the schools know who I am and what I'm about. If they don't like it, my kids don't need to go there, but they all support me."

Luke: "I know some porn stars [such as Papillon and Robert Lombard sends his kid to a Jewish school] who send their kids to a Christian school."

Shelley: "I think that's cool. Everybody thinks they know God so well, but I think people can even come to Jesus through porn stars.

"God hung out with me when I did those movies. He drove me nuts. I was like, 'Leave me alone.' I can't tell you how many times he saved me from murder and things like that. My ten near-deaths were no coincidental. He raised me up for such a time as this.

"I slept with someone who slept with Marc Wallice. I came so close to AIDS.

"I saw you were into Jewish theology. I'm a theology geek. I don't even know if I'm Christian or Jewish or what. We celebrate some of the Jewish holidays. My oldest daughter is really into Judaism. She wears a Star of David in a Christian school. Some of the kids make fun of her because it's a conservative community that we live in. My daughter just loves Jewish people. Her whole room, Jewish stuff everywhere. I love studying the Old Testament, the Tanach. I'm studying Hebrew.

"You don't know the crazy strange way that God is going to use you. The XXXChurch. That's not what we grew up in Sunday school learning."

Luke: "I think porn girls are in it for the attention."

Shelley: "Money is number one. Then attention. A lot of these [Adult] entertainers I met had a lot of talent, a lot of gifts. Some of our parents said, 'We don't see anything in you.' So when the porn industry said, 'Wow! You're somebody!' We think, 'That feels so good.' All of a sudden, we're somebody. Recognition.

"I tell my girls every day how awesome they are."

Shelley has not seen the movie Boogie Nights. "I have not looked at anything like that in 13 years."

Luke: For a lot of porners, porn is the first time they've succeeded at something.

Shelley: "That was me. Now I'm succeeding at everything. No one developed me so I became my own parent with the help of God. I'm also a computer programmer and designer.

"I always knew as a kid that I was intelligent but nobody saw this in me. And the porn industry saw it. I was always very dramatic as a child. I'm very competitive. Unfortunately, I did some hardcore stuff because the other girls couldn't handle it. I said, I'll do it. I'm Italian.

"I was so angry.

"I totally believe in the Devil and he empowered me to do a lot of things that I currently can not do. I was definitely on a weird high back then.

"I only wanted to do one or two movies, but right away I just had to be the best."

Luke: "It seems that for a lot of these girls, they don't have a good relationship with their father."

Shelley: "Big time. That's the number one reason. I'm very careful how I bring that out on my website. I want to honor my parents. I want to live a long life. You know that law. But that is the number one reason -- my dad spent no time with me. He was into his hobbies in the garage. He would rarely say, 'I love you,' or hug me. So I went crazy for boys at a young age."

Luke: "This porn star I interviewed the other day said something shocking -- Joanna Angel said, 'I wish my dad would've molested me. I wish my dad would've paid attention to me.'"

Shelley: "Ohmigosh, that's so right on. That's hardcore. She needs to write that down. I've got to tell my husband what you said. He said damn. He said he'd die if his girl said that.

"A lot of us do stuff to shock our parents. I used to call my mom drunk and say, 'I'm a lesbian.'

"I couldn't clean and cook, so I never washed clothes. I had to constantly buy clothes. I had few life skills."

Luke: "Some of the porn stars do it for years. Nina Hartley has been doing it for over 20 years. She loves it and she's an intelligent woman."

Shelley: "Isn't that crazy? Once you do it, you become so jaded. It means nothing any longer. It took me about six years to get any kind of sexual feeling back in my body. I couldn't even feel penetration. They can say they had all these orgasms on a porn set. I never had one.

"Porn is harder than prostitution, where you are treated nice if you are in the luxurious side of it. Porn was totally degrading and shattering. None of the men in prostitution treated me sexually like the men in porn did.

"The men in porn were nice after the sex, but during the sex, we had to do things that I've never done in prostitution. I'd go out with Jewish men who'd take me to concerts and offered to take me to Israel. I didn't go to Israel. I regret that now because I'm a theology student.

"There are so many interesting bizarre people [in porn]. I'm so non-judgmental. I see God in all of it because they are his creation.

"I was thinking of going down to AIM and just saying hi. I've written Sharon Mitchell. People usually think that if you're Christian, you are against them. Not true. I don’t really like to call myself a Christian because I don't want to be associated with religious people who judge. Jesus didn’t judge. I'm a believer in Jesus Christ and God. I'm a lover. I'm really embarrassed about the Christian church as a whole. When I go down there, I just want to love them. I just want to be their friend. I just want to take them to lunch and hear their story."

Chaim Amalek writes: "Given the preponderance of Jews in porn (at least behind the scenes) why do you never write about people leaving porn to return to a Torah lifestyle?"

Because it doesn't happen. Why is that? Because Judaism doesn't embrace sinners as much as Christianity does.

Chaim writes: "Why are Christians always returning to the Church and leaving porn behind, but not so with Jews? I guess if you are a sinner trying to turn things around and in need of help, it is better to be Christian than Jewish."

I asked pornographer Rodney Moore about Shelley. He replies:

Shelley sent me an email which said nothing but that she was someone from my past, and I responded just asking her why she emailed me and I did say I was glad she had found happiness living a fairy tale. This was her reply email:

Just wanted to say hi. I've been living the fairytale for 10 years now and it's better than the "fantasy" life I was living. Sex is better that's for sure. I didn't want to offend you or anything. I'm actually very cool and LOVE the porn people lots. Not here to preach religion. Just here to say, hey I'm here if someone needs a friend. I care. Be blessed and happy. You're a very special man Rodney. Your life means more to me than you'll ever know. Shelley

Anyway, I have little memory of her, other than she looked very "street hookerish" the one time I shot her, way too much eye makeup, and way too nasty looking for my taste. She came from an agency, I shot her one time only, and really don't remember very much about her other than that she looked very "hardened" compared to most of the girls I shoot, which tend to be more natural and "girl-next-door" types.

I have no problem in people doing whatever it takes to make them happy, provided they don't infringe on anyone else's rights. I did do a quick scan of her "story" on her website, and I will say two things about it. I would guess she has grossly overplayed the bad aspects of her life in the sex industry, though I didn't know anything about her when I shot her. The other thing is that there seems to be an attitude on her part that because this was her life, than every woman who does porn has the same experience. I'm sure that you would be the first to admit that this is totally not true, as there are many happy and mentally stable female adult sex film stars. That is not to say there are no hard luck stories out there. However, I feel the miserable life that Shelley claims to have had has much more to do with her childhood, her parents, her background and certainly herself, far more so than the adult film industry which she had absolutely no contact with until she was 18, a time in her life when her thoughts, her choices and her life path were already well formed. If she has truly found happiness, I wish her well.

Rodney Moore Emails:

I wanted to clear up an inaccuracy regarding Shelley Lubben, aka Roxie. She mentions that one of the scenes she did for me won an AVN award. We only worked together one time, in 1994, when she was 24, for Cumm Brothers 3, The Boys Go to Traffic School." That movie did not win any award (though it should have!!), but rather the Cumm Brothers series won an award for Best Pro-Am Series in 1997, which did not include the one she was in.

Also, Luke, I'm a little surprised that you refer to me as "Pornographer Rodney Moore." I've always felt we've had a good relationship the few times we've spoken. I was never among the ones who condemned you in the past. Surely you know that the term "Pornographer" has a negative connotation to a lot of people. I'm an adult filmmaker and performer working in the legal adult film industry. The movies I make are not obscene, they are not degrading and I never ask any woman to do anything that she is not comfortable or willing to do in a film. In fact, I usually try to find out what a woman LIKES to do sexually and film her doing that. I feel it makes for a much more exciting scene if the female actually is doing something she enjoys rather than trying to get her to do something she doesn't. I'm sure you would prefer to be called a "journalist" rather than a "smut gossip columnist."

In fact, I have been outspoken against "degrading" adult films, and have never jumped on that bandwagon to make an extra buck. Of course, there are those who feel any adult film is degrading to women. On the other hand, there are those who will say the market regulates the content, and that if there was not such a huge demand by the public for such so called "degrading films," they would not be made. This is certainly true in any industry. If violent video games weren't such big sellers, game manufacturers would simply stop creating them. Abraham Lincoln, one of our greatest presidents, once said, "Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded."

Also, Shelley says she is lucky to not have gotten AIDS. The chances of getting HIV infection in the industry are very slim when one considers the huge number of adult scenes shot on a daily basis each and every year all over the country. In fact, a little research will show that every case of HIV TRANSMISSION WITHIN the industry came from what is known as "Anal Cream Pies." After the last outbreak, I editorialized in AVN about this and called for the banning of Anal Cream Pie shots in the industry. Had it not been for that, the industry would be 100% HIV free (not counting people who came into the business already positive, or got it outside of the industry). However, telling adult film producers to not make a profitable cream pie movie because someone might get HIV is like telling tobacco companies not to make cigarettes because someone might get lung cancer.. People know the risks, and in a free society, one should have the right to make their own decisions. Just as Shelley all her life has made her own decisions. Again, I'm glad her more recent decisions have led her to a happier life, if in fact she is truly happy.

Shelly Lubbens writes:

If I made a mistake and don’t’ remember every detail from my old fantasy life that I am the first to apologize”. I just believe I was in this movie and it says it was a winner in a series. I stumbled on it one day while researching my past and figured it might have something to do with the call I received about being nominated for some award years ago. Hey, it’s been a long time Rodney. I could care less if I was nominated for a prestigious porn award. If anything, I should have been nominated for nastiest street-hooker award, ey? You’re right, I was one nasty woman and I am just thankful God reached down and pulled me out of the dump and made me into His “girl next door.”

And I agree with you Rodney, Luke shouldn’t of called you a pornographer. That’s a pretty strong word there Luke. It makes it sound like Rodney is the worst person in the world. The truth is we are ALL like filthy rags and unclean to God (Isaiah 64:6). But He loves all of us anyways. I think you’re one pretty special guy Rodney and I thank you for your well wishes towards me. I wish you well too!

Shelley Lubben: LIE #1: Women Enjoy Making Porn Movies

Shelley posts 12/21/06 on MySpace:

That's me as "Roxy" 12 years ago.

Don't believe the lie. I was a mentally ill, drug addicted, alcohol dependent, attention seeking, abused little girl with no self esteem who hated the world and was rejected by her parents and thrown out of the house on the street at age 18.

LIE #2 Women who make porn come from healthy backgrounds.

It's easy to research the backgrounds of porn stars online and read about child abuse, sexual abuse, exposure to pornography at a young age, teenage runaways, parental abuse, alcoholism, and strict religious uprbrinings. I never met a porn star who comes from a healthy childhood and background. Of course we LIE to our fans and tell them that.

Cara Lott responds:

If you had all those problems to begin with you should never have entered the adult business in the first place. It takes a person of strength and character to succeed and thrive in the adult industry, you have neither. I've been in the biz for 28 years, didn't come from a broken home or dysfunctional family. I was never sexually abused or coerced by evil pornographers. I don't use drugs or alcohol, never have. I entered the adult business of my own free will and I continue of my own free will. I am college educated and in full control of my mental faculties. I have no regrets and never will. Don't blame the adult industry for your emotional shortcomings they are yours and yours alone. Your problems seem to be extremely deep rooted. Perhaps you should seek psychological help for the problems you had BEFORE you entered the adult industry.

Alexis Devine aka Lisa writes:

Does it make you feel good to be thrown in the trash for being a 'mature' actress in this buisness. Most of us here are in full control of out mental facilities. It doesn't take strength and character to suceed..it takes a death within yourself to spread your legs for the camera. I used to hire women like you, and do you know what type of things were said about you models? You would curl in a ball of shame for what these people REALLY think of you behind your back. I succeeded, I felt great, I WON in that buisness, but you know what? Fantasy and reality begin to blur...and after awhile I didn't know who my real friends were. And neither do you. I have met wondeful people in the buisness that will support whatever decisions I make in life, but for the most part...they all called me a crack-whore and a quitter because I decided to quit. What are you going to be in another 5 years? Alone...with no one left. You won't even know who you were before you did all this. So...be proud Cara now, because tomorrow's another day of men teling you they love you and they're your friends, then throw money at you to see your genitals...yeah...that's REAL love, huh? I always thought that was the funniest part of it all "I love you Alexis, now get naked." What a waste of the word LOVE. You are a beautiful woman Cara...but who are you REALLY at the end of the day?

Becca Brat writes:

Cara, Even if everything you said about yourself is factual, what about the other 99.9% of girls in the industry? I did well over 200 films (in 5 years), and I have never met a single girl who did not have her fair share of problems- mental, emotional, drug and/or alchohol addictions, etc. I have a question for you. If you are college educated, why are you still in the business? I looked you up, and you are only listed to have just over 200 films to your name- IN 28 YEARS. The money couldn't be worth it at that point. Don't come down on Shelley for speaking her mind- her life has greatly improved since leaving XXX. You, on the other hand, are nearly 50 years old, and still having sex for money.

Shelley Lubben writes:

Thanks Cara for responding. It sounds like you have a neat little argument all packaged up for your free speach coalition events. But I would like all of us to take a closer realistic look at Cara Lott.

First, I would not consider you an "expert" in hardcore pornography. From your profile on Luke Ford web site you admit you regret doing a gang bang. You don't do anal. Sounds like you mainly did softer porn and not the hardcore porn that I and many other women did and still do. So you wouldn't be as familiar with the sexual trama that many of the women who do hardcore porn, which is more prevalent today, now would you? Your own words can be found [here].

Cara says the only thing she regrets in her career is her comeback film Heartfelt 2. "I did a gangbang. I don't know why I did it. I swore I would never do more than two guys at a time. I did a gangbang. That was too much for me. Five guys."

(Shelley: Sounds like you were "coerced". What happen to that full control of mental faculties you claim to have?)

Duke: "What's the difference between having sex with two guys and having sex with five?"

Cara: "It's easier. I've got only two holes that can be used because I don't do anal. I did a fourway with three guys and that's when I made up my mind not to do any more than two because one gets left stroking his ---- while you're working on the other two. I don't know why I did five but I wish I hadn't."

You ALSO said this Cara: "I had a different mindset than most of the girls in the industry."

So if you had a different mindset than MOST of the girls in the industry then why are you posting here on my blog? You haven't experienced the level of degrading sexual trauma that most hardcore porn actresses go through. So it seems you do not know what you're talking about. And anyways, you couldn't speak the truth if the porn industry paid you to. The native language of ALL porn stars is to lie. We are paid to lie Cara. We are paid to fake orgasms and go on and on about our salacious appetites for sex. It's all bull sh*t and you know it. You don't have the "strength" or "character" to get out of the porn industry so instead you defend what you can't overcome. I also notice you aren't able to have healthy relationships either. This is typical for porn stars.

Let's take a look a closer look at Miss Cara Lott: She's been married twice (once to a guy she got into porn as an actor, other than this Brazilian, she never dated anyone within the industry). "It is hard on relationships. The men in my life would use my job as an excuse for their bad behavior (cheating, drug use). They'd say, 'Well, I've got to put up with you f------ other men for a living.' To which I'd reply, 'What will you use for an excuse if I quit my job?'"

Duke: "Do you think a relationship can ever work when one partner is [having sex for a living]?"

Cara: "Absolutely. I've been in several stable, longterm relationships. The only problems I've had were when my men were feeling insecure about themselves, whether it was a bad day at work or weight gain. Suddenly my job would become an issue. I said to them, don't make me choose between you and my job, unless you are going to pay my bills for me, which I don't want."

SEVERAL LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS? You are a double minded woman Cara. First you're in abusive "bad behavior" relationships and then you say you have had SEVERAL long term relationships. Which is it or is it that you've had several abusive long term relationships? I believe you have two divorces under your belt. Sorry to hear about all the abuse.

Unlike you Cara, I have been married ONE TIME for 12 years now and I have a healthy relationship with my husband and three beautiful daughters. Where's your happy stable healthy family at Cara? You're about 45 years old and have two divorces and are now living with a significant other? No kids, right? Sounds promising. And I also notice that you are very unstable and unable to hold down a normal job or maintain a career. You went into the health care field after leaving the adult film industry but didn't feel your talents were "appreciated" so you fell right back into the arms of the "comfy" porn industry. A dog always returns to its vomit. What's wrong Cara? Is normal life too hard for you?

I talk more about this in my upcoming book. It's almost impossible for porn stars to get out of the biz and have a normal life when they have to try and function with mental disorders, childhood sexual abuse and abuse from involvment in the porn industry. Sorry to hear you can't make it in real life Cara.

If we all take a closer look at Cara Lott we will see an unhealthy unstable double minded mentally ill woman who is grasping at straws to justify her unhappy life in the porn industry. Oh, and it seems you also admit that porn stars hate men:

Cara: "Yes. Do I know what men can do when they want to get away with things? Oh yeah. I try not to think about it. I don't want to hate men. There are too many wonderful guys out there. But many porn stars and escorts, after a while, just can't stand men. You see them for what they really are. We know how they can be."

Yes, men must seem horrible to you especially when you own father LAUGHED and thought it was so cute when you said you wanted to be a playboy centerfold. What kind of sick father says those things to his eight year old daughter. Probably a father who's into porn. Was your father a porn addict Cara? I'll bet he had lots of playboy magazines laying around and you use to read them when he wasn't looking. Please tell us the truth Cara. How else would you know what a Playboy Centerfold was at age 8?

In your interview with Luke Ford:

Duke: "When you were a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Cara: "A Playboy centerfold. That's what I told my father and he just laughed. I was eight years old. He thought it was a big joke. He had one of his buddies over. He said, tell John what you want to be when you grow up. I said, I want to be a Playboy centerfold. They thought it was so cute. How little did they know."

And you said your mother is your biggest fan. Your whole family is sick and needs therapy. You also admit you didnt get much attention as a child:

Cara: "I don't know. I was very shy. I didn't get a lot of attention."

Let me explain it to you in simple terms Cara. You were seeking attention and love as a child and your parents didn't give it to you. You were exposed to pornography as a child. At age 14 you were giving oral sex according to your own words. That is called sexual child abuse. So YES Cara you have the typical porn star background. I also talk about this in my upcoming book. I'll be sure to send you a copy. I'm not the one who needs therapy. You are. I feel sad for you. I will pray this week for you and hope that God gives you the "strength" and "character" to get out of the PIG PEN and do something excellent with your life. Now THAT takes REAL character and that's why only a couple of us porn stars have done it. Only God gives character like that. Your life is worth more than wallowing in the mud with a bunch of pigs. If you ever decide you want out of porn, I'll help you in a heart beat. But please don't blog here again or I'll make sure I expose ALL OF YOUR LIES.

Shelley Lubben's Anti-Porn Crusade

The ex-porn star blogs Nov 13, 2006:

 Becca Brat, who did over 200 movies, says about the porn life style: "I went to work at 8am, did my scene- hopefully I got paid that day and it wasn't payroll . If it was, I went to the bank and got money to buy my drugs for the day. Then I went home, got high, called "friends" to come over so I wasn't getting high alone. They would come over, do drugs, have a swingers party (with unsafe sex) and stay up all night on ecstacy, meth, and heroin... and whatever else we could get our hands on. Sometimes I stayed up for 3 weeks without sleep."
 

 Porn performer "Regan Starr," in an interview with Talk magazine in February 2001, described her experience while filming Rough Sex 2 in horrific terms. She said that, while sex acts were performed on her, she was hit and choked until she couldn't breathe. Other "actresses," she said, wept because they were hurting so badly. In the same article, a sex-film star notes how threatening the work is to performers' health. "Nearly everyone has STDs [sexually transmitted diseases]," said Chloe. "If you're a porno performer," she continued, "your latest HIV test is your work permit. ... The tests we take test only for AIDS. We've contained AIDS in the industry, but what about all the others? You know we're now up to hepatitis G?"

 "I'm a typical porn star," Rebecca Bardoux says with a smile, at the June 1997 Erotica LA Convention. "I come from a dysfunctional family. We don't relate... When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a call girl."

 Crissy Moran writes on her myspace: I went through more heartbreaks and became suicidal.  I was taken to the hospital for panic attacks.  I tried to overdose on xanax, strangle myself, and cut my wrists but not nearly deep enough.  I was too scared of the pain.  I prayed God would just take me away!  I felt helpless.  I even went to church for a few months but the guilt I felt was overwhelming that I would feel as if I were choking when I was at church.  I had to choose and once again I chose to continue sinning.  It was easier and I needed the money.

 Alex Devine writes: "Donkey Punch was the most brutal, depressing, scarey scene that I have ever done. I have tried to block it out from my memory due to the severe abuse I recieved during the filming. The guy, Steve French has a natural hatred towards women in the sense that he has always been known to be more brutal than EVER needed. I agreed to do the scene thinking it was less beating, except the 'punch' in the head. If you noticed, steve had worn his solid gold ring the entire time, and continued to punch me with it. I actually stopped the scene while it was being filmed because I was in too much pain."

 Tianna Lynn admits, "I tried porn a year-and-a-half ago for three weeks. They [my agent DK] booked me for everything I didn't want to do. I was in the hospital three times. Allergic to lube. Being pounded too hard. My cervix closed up. My a** got torn up.

 Jenna Jameson says porn has more pitfalls "than nearly any other occupation." Drugs is one. Maintaining a boundary between your job and private life is another. Jenna Jameson writes in her book on page 132:

Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films -- in which they're taken to a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive a**hole who thinks her name is Bit***. And these girls, some of whom have the potential to become major stars in the industry, go home afterward and pledge never to do it again because it was such a terrible experience.

 Kami Andrews says: "I love the money, the glamor. I like being recognized. I like the attention. What I don't like is not being able to s--- right. You are constantly doing enemas and you're fasting and you're taking all these different pills, exlax, and it screws up your internal system." allow God toheal their shattered lives.

Shelley blogs:

You've read their words. Every day they wake up to go through pain and abuse because the demand for more hardcore sex continues to increase. YOU, the consumer, are the one making the demand on these women. They don't love sex. They love the MONEY. The ATTENTION. They are hurting little girls who are screaming out "pay attention to me". They hate the sex but love the acceptance. Stop abusing them! STOP VIEWING PORN.

Then pray their chains be broken and that they would allow God to heal their shattered lives.