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Denver
Westword publishes Feb 1, 2007: "The cheesy theme music blares
from the speakers, all keyboards and horns, as the topic of the day's
program scrolls across the screen in bright neon: "I Can't Lose, I Have
Two Women, Why Choose? Ricki, I Want Them Both!" It's the Ricki Lake
Show, sometime in 1997. The camera pans across the hyped audience
before landing on a very pregnant Ricki, who conducts the entire show
from a director's chair while two helpers dart around the studio, putting
mikes in front of people's faces. An assortment of trash tumbles across
the stage, spilling tales of cheating and heartbreak and betrayal, and
then Ricki welcomes Michelle
Ormond, a 25-year-old from Denver, Colorado."
Sex Addiction - One Woman's Story
Hawtbigirl@aol.com (pic,
pic,
pic,
pic,
pic)
emails 10/30/06:
Hi everyone,
my name is Michelle. I am a 27 year old bisexual girl living right
here in Denver, Colorado. I have suffered from a rather aggressive sexual
addiction since I was 13 years old. That addiction has taught me to
lie, cheat and cover up anything I do. I destroyed my first marriage
with my lying and cheating. Actually, my first husband killed himself
due to my infidelities. You think I would have learned from that, but
like a true addict, the more pain I feel the more I cover up the pain
with acting out. Having sex is how I have learned to cope and feel better
about my life. When I am alone, hurt, scared or generally unhappy, I
seek the attention of men and women and that ultimately leads me into
sexual situations with them. I have no ability to have or keep friends.
Anyone I come into contact with on a daily basis, I will move to have
sex with. One hundred percent of the time.
My cheating started within my second marriage when I was a Denver Sheriff
officer. I had several affairs with fellow deputies that lead to vicious
stalking and harassment. After I was assaulted by a fellow deputy for
trying to break off my affair with him, internal affairs learned of
everything I had done. I had sex on duty, in locker rooms, various areas
of the jail and in sheriff's cars. I was fired for improper sexual conduct.
I was giving fellow deputies blow jobs during my lunch hour. I was cheating
on my husband every day of every week for a months at a time. The level
of daily lying was was absolutely horrible. My husband new nothing of
who and what I was. Even after I was caught at work, I lied to him about
why I was being investigated and fired. Of course, once it all landed
in court, there was no more lying to be done.
My next job as a 911 dispatcher only lasted 5 months. While I worked
there, I started cheating on my husband with both a male and female
dispatcher. This time, I was having two affairs at once and hiding it
from everyone. That is to say that I was having affairs on my affairs.
Of course, after having sex in the bathroom at work and getting caught,
I was fired once again. I tried so hard not to cheat but I could not
help myself. I kept making promises that this would be the last affair.
Only to start moving on the next affair before the current affair was
over. I lived to have sex at work with anyone and everyone who would
give me attention. I lied to my husband, my family and all the people
I had affairs with. No one know anything about anything. The web of
lies I was weaving took every ounce of my concentration and there was
nothing left to do my job or be a real person at home.
I took a year or so off work to work on my addiction and myself. I
went to work at RTD and low and behold, I went right back to work with
more affairs. Now it was really out of control. In very short order,
as a bus driver, I had several affairs. Again, some simultaneously.
I had sex in my home, behind my husband's back. I had sex in car wash
maintenance rooms, in the back of mini vans, hotels near RTD and even
at RTD itself. I had sex on the back of RTD busses, in my supervisor's
office, the driver's sleep room and in my supervisor truck. I had sexual
encounters with fellow drivers, my superiors and when I was made a supervisor,
my subordinates. I would take my company car, while on duty, to employees
homes and have sex with them. I was out of control. I was having 5 affairs
at a time. I did not care what happened to my family, other people's
families or myself. I was raped on my own living room floor by a driver
I DETEST and it was pretty much fault. Of course, the job dried up as
usual. I was investigated, suspended and I ultimately resigned for violating
just about every reasonable rule RTD had. Many families got hurt and
several divorces came from my selfish actions. I had disgraced myself
and my family. All my so called "friends" who were so willing to have
sex with me, just dissapeared.
After vandalism of my house here in Denver started due to my outing
of several drivers to thier wives, I was forced to move, along with
my husband and two kids, to California. I lived in California for a
full year only returning 6 weeks ago.
After I was fired, I tried desperately to control my addiction. The
more I kept a lid on it, the more violent I became. The acting out is
how I learned to deal with things and now that I was not having sex
with everyone, I blew up all the time. I found myself in jail three
times for domestic violence against my wife, BisexualBritni (yes, we
are both girls). I was locked up in a mental hospital twice for a total
of about 45 days. I have lost EVERYTHING I ever had or owned due to
this addiction. I confined myself in Del Amo mental hospital for addiction
counseling for a month. I started attending "sex addicts anonymous"
several times a week.
Sadly, there is very little help for female sexual addicts. I was turned
away from hospital after hospital. They had great programs for men but
most had never even heard of a female sex addict. I was so sexually
addicted that the "Sexual Recovery Institute" in Los Angeles, headed
up by Dr. Weiss, would not take me as a patient. Because I had shown
such severe tendancies towards violence while my addiction was cycling,
they referred me to an inpatiant hospital and that was that. You see,
had pulled a knife on my husband and kids when my husband tried to stop
me from seeing my supervisor at RTD. I need my sexual fix so much that,
at the time, I did not care what I had to give away, I could not part
with the sex and attention. I actually missed my son's first X mas family
photos to be have sex with my boss in the La Quinta Hotel near RTD.
I have abjagated my responsibilites of being a wife and mother to keep
my sexual addiction fed.
I tried to control my addiction, I found myself getting tattoos that
made me feel better for a while. My body is covered in tattoos that
say things like, "Cum slutt", fuck my whore ass", fuck my whore pussy",
"cum in me", "I fuck", "fuck slutt", "I swallow cum" and "I eat pussy".
I have tattooed my pussy, my tits, my ass and anything else that would
make my drive for sex feel better, even if just for a few hours. My
pussy demands attention several times a day. It makes me do really stupid
things that I regret horribly. At times, I am just sitting in wetness
and cannot work or think of anything except having sex. I go to work
with lingerie under my clothes, butt plugs in my asshole and dildos
to fuck myself with several times a day.
I am basically unemployable. I try and hide my addiction but it comes
out without me knowing it. I send sexual signals that end with people
hitting on me. Once they hit on me, I obsess on them until I am powerless
to avoid having sex with them. When the sex comes down, it happens fast
and wherever I may be. No account is taken on where I am, who the person
is or what damage I may cause. I simply need to have sex and nothing
else matters.
I am, according to every professional I have seen, am the most sexually
addicted female they have ever met. The Dr. Keith Ablow show did a show
on me that airs in November. Even they tried to get me help and failed
due to the fact there simply are not places that treat sexually addicted
women. I have begged for help and simply cannot get it. I have offered
to give my husband, wife (yes, I live in a 3 way) and my kids away to
continue to have an affair, online, with people I had never even met.
This happened ten full months into recovery. My addiction to sex has
ended my life and my ability to be a reasonable in our society.
Now I am back in Denver, my family holding on by a thread. I have
already lost Britni and my husband is holding on but I am not sure why.
We barely talk. My relationship with my kids is strained and my ability
to be a mom is nonexistant. My husband has been forced to pick up my
slack just as with any addiction. Addictions, as I hear over and over,
are addictions for the entire family. My entire family has suffered
due ot me driven addiction to sex with any man or women who pays attention
to me. I am outing this story so other men and women can learn from
my mistakes. This addiction is not especially rare. More people suffer
from it then we realize. There is help for it and there are groups to
helps with this addiction. SAA (sex addicts anonymous), SLAA, (sex and
love addicts anonymous) and many more. Until you admit you have a problem,
you have very little chance of changing your behavior.
Confessions Of A Sex Addict
February 21, 2006:
When I read the following blog, I was initially convinced that this was
Holly's
secret sex diary.
I've been trying to convince her for several months to go to Sex
Addicts Anonymous meetings but she stubbornly insists she doesn't
have a problem. She calls her appetite "healthy." I call it
depraved.
Only after much investigation did I tentatively conclude the following
blog is not by her. For one thing, there are too many typos. For another,
she's not sexually attracted to women. Anonymous male Fed Ex drivers,
yes, Mexican bartenders, yes, movie directors, yes, broke writers, yes,
professors, yes, but not women.
A bloke at Sinrespeto.com emails
me: "I found home-made pics
of a girl called Michelle. Her nickname was Bi Valley Girl. On her
blog, she says she works at Pink Kitty Adult Video and was the former
girlfriend of pornstar Bisexual Britni. She claims an affair with Nautica
Thorn."
Michelle
Michelle,
BiSexual Britni Michelle,
BiSexual Britni Michelle
and her real GF Alexa Lynn Michelle,
Nautica Thorn Michelle,
Nautica Thorn
Here's her Newbienudes.com
blog (under the name BiValleyGirl, you have to be a member to access it,
and I am not at all sure that this kind of vulgarity and specificity is
needed when describing the serious problem of sexual addiction):
Thursday, 9 February 2006, 10:06:22 AM- My introduction and where I
stand with me sex addictionMy name is Michelle. I have suffered from
a sex addiction since I was 14 years old. I am driven towards sex no
matter what the negative repercussions may be. I have given away job
after job and relationship after relationship as this disease has progressed.
Most recently, it was discovered that I was having sex with numerous
fellow employees at RTD in Denver, Colorado. I was, as a supervisor,
going to men's homes that worked under me, to have sex with them. I
was doing this while I was on the clock and they were not. This ultimately
cost me my job. A job that paid 80k a year and supplied me with great
health insurance.
When my wife, the adult actress "BisexualBritni" found out that I was
cheating on her, not just with one person but rather, dozens. She left
me. We have tried hard to put our marriage back together but it has
not worked out. Mostly because I had to leave Denver in discrace and
move to California with the hopes of starting over. I do not think she
liked the moved much. Ultimatly, she want back to Denver and I do not
think she will be coming back. I attend several 12 step programs here
in California. SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) and SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts
Annonymous). I one meeting with both every week, including seeing a
professional counselor once a week.
Sadly, I have found myself continuing to f--- quite often. My drive
to have my pussy and asshole stuffed with cock seems to drive me. It
is like I am high and cannot stop. I feel bad afterwards but no matter
how many times I f--- and feel bad afterwards, I just cannot stop the
next one. I dont even remember how it started. That is the really freaky
part.
As of late, I have been datiing a sexy 20 year old girl named Alexa.
She has been helping me get to my counseling groups but I think she
is at a loss as to what to do for me. I think I love her and she does
seem to love me. I will keep you updated on how this relationship progresses.
We have been trying local swing clubs. We sort of hope if I can just
have sex with other people in situations where it is acceptable that
I might be able to stop having sex in situations that f--- up jobs...
So, here I am. I am starting this blog here because YAHOO decided my
blog was to racy for their service. What you just read is a very condensed
version of what I have been over there for the last month. My name is
Michelle and I am sex addict...
Thursday, 9 February 2006, 6:54:23 PM- Today I go back to SAA (Sex
addicts anonymous)Today is a very wierd day. I will be going back to
attend weekly meetings at SAA. Last night, I went to a local bar to
get a drink and meet a friend. The friend never showed up so I struck
up a conversation with a guy sitting next to me. As always happens,
the conversation turned sexual pretty fast. I knew I should get up and
leave as I have a new girlfriend at home and I do not want to f--- things
up like I did with me wife, Britni. Within 5 minutes of the conversation
turning sexual, I was so wet I could not get of the bar stool without
it being obvious my pants were soaked....
So, tonight is back to SAA. I also have an apt with a marriage counselor
to she can help me explian this to Alexa. Why the f--- do I do this??
Michelle, recovering sex addict
Friday, 10 February 2006, 4:14:57 AM- Just returned from seeing a counselor.
Did not go wellI just got back from seeing my first actual psycho therapist
about my sexual addiction. First therapist in California that is. After
90 minutes of telling her what my problem was and the horrible things
I do, she basically told me she could not help me. She thinks I need
more of an inpatient sort of thing. I think she thought I was nuts.
She could not get rid of me fast enough. Biy, don't I ever feel great.
I amso f---ed up not even a licensed Ph.D thinks she can help me. So,
what did I do when I got back to the office (where I am now)? I was
feeling so low that I, without especially even knowing it, let the guy
in the suite next to me, f--- me over my desk. As always, I am not even
sure how it started but I am sure of how it ended. My life sucks so
bad. I will report in later. I have to go sit "in" my shame for the
next few hours. Michelle, sex addict trying to recover
Friday, 10 February 2006, 7:00:46 PM- Sexual Recovery Institute. Seems
like a great place.I have been referred to a place called "The Sexual
Recovery Institute" or for short, "SRI". It is right here in LA and
they specialize in people with sexual addictions. I took their online
test and I am most definately, sexually addicted. I called them and
they will be getting back to me with an appointment date and time. They
do it all from inpatient care to outpatient counseling. They have a
reputation for being the best in the world at this. We shall see. My
wife, X wife, whatever she is to me at this point, will still not talk
to me whatsoever. She left LA and moved back to Denver almost 3 weeks
ago and I have not heard a single peep from her. I dont blame her for
hating me as I have hurt her so deeply but I really wish she would at
least call me. I miss her every day, a litle bit more. I miss kissing
her and talking about politics with her. I wish watching the Colbert
report with her. I just miss her, all the way around the board.
Alexa and I are doing pretty well. Not bad for girls who have only
been dating for a month. The sex is hot and passionate and her kisses
are real and loving. I have yet to tell her about the last bout of f---ing/cheating
I particiapted in. I am scared she will leave me if I tell her. I have
already cheated once that she knows about and she cried so hard. She
may be pregnant from one of many thressomes we had with the same guy.
He came in her a few times as he did me. I would really like it if she
is pregnant. She will not go get a test as of yet as she fears it will
come back negative. She really wants a baby too. I really love the idea
that she would have got pregnant while I was kissing her and telling
her I love her while she was being f---ed really deep by the guy.
Britni is the one that got me pregnant 4 years ago. Michelle, recovering
sex addict
Saturday, 11 February 2006, 9:32:58 AM- Something beautiful and unexpectedSomething
beautiful but very strange happened tonight. I have no idea what to
think about it. I NEVER in a million years saw this coming. As some
of you know, adult super star "Nautica Thorn" is the contract girl for
the company I work for, "Pink Kitty Adult Video". I have been around
Nautica, off and one, for a couple of months now. We are always cordial
to one another. We work together in the same office and we were aquaintances.
Nothing more. I have never really looked at her in a sexual/romantic
light nor has she towards me, that I am aware of. Tongiht, we went to
Jerrie's deli for dinner. We sat around and BS'd for two hours while
we ate our meal. Out of the blue, she puts her tea down and tells me
she is attracted to me. Nautica Thorn, one of the hottest women in porno
today, made a pass at me and kissed me. It was not some sleezy sort
of kiss. It was a kiss full of feeling and passion. Maybe even love?
She tells me I have missed all her signs of her being interested is
me so she had to use the front door, per se. LOL We drove back to our
office and made love on the couch. Notice, I did not say we f---ed.
It was slow, soft, warm and romantic. It lasted an entire hour. I just
walked in my house and I am still breathless. She swept me right off
my feet. I am really confused now. Alexa? Nautica? Now what do I do?
Alexa is in my bed and Nautica wants to be in it. We have clearly taken
a turn for the sureal. Nautica Thorn wants me? Romantically? Michelle
Sunday, 12 February 2006, 10:28:50 PM- I am not sure this sex addiction
can be beat....I went to a party tonight. Not a big deal, a simple belated
birthday party for a friend's friend. It was dinner out and then to
a bar for a few drinks. While there, I chatted up a few guys while we
drank and BS'd about the collapse of my Denver Broncos. It seemed like
all was going so well. I was in control. Then, the subject of sex came
up. I got a bit nervous but kept my cool. Light hearted bantor went
on with the waitress but nothing big. Then, one of the guys asked if
I liked sex with women? I was like, "Is that that obvious?" The we chatted
about lesbian sex and how hot they thought it was. They asked the waitress
if she would kiss me. She was hesitant at first but they all cipped
in money and gave her like 60 bucks. Next thing I know this girl has
her tounge down my throat, french kissing the living shit out of me.
I ws so turned on, when the kiss was over, I just sat there. Before
I know it, I am making out with the guys I am sitting with, one at a
time. One asked if I wanted to go back to thier apartment, I declined,
initially. Of course, that did not last. Twenty minutes later, I am
being f---ed in the back of a pick up, enroute to an apartment I had
no idea where was. I did not even get undressed. He just took one pant
leg off and...
When I got to my care, I cried for like 15 minutes. I just got sexually
abused by like 6 guys and I could not stop myself from going and my
body just cumming and cumming. The last guy who f---ed me just bent
me over the couch. He rammed me way too deep. It freaking hurt but I
just went along with it. He took it out of my pussy and and I turned
around, almost automatically and without thought, and let him shoot
his load in my mouth. As I was swallowing, I was realizing what was
going on. They were all laughing at me. "Filthy party whore" and other
such wonderful comments. I left and nobody even said goobye to me. I
left some makeup there but opted to just buy new stuff instead of going
back in. I know this reads like a sex story, but that is not really
my intent. I suffer from a huge sex addiction and my life is ruined
because of it. This addiction is no joke. If I do not beat this, I will
end up dead in some hotel or house in which people will not even know
I went to. It is not hard to see why wife left me. I would leave me
too. f---, maybe suicide is a better option than I once thought. I cannot
seem to get a handle on this addiction.
Thursday, 16 February 2006, 6:47:14 AM- Sexual Recovery InstituteYesterday
I attended my inprocessing session for the Sexual Recovery Institute
(SRI). It is a clinic specifically dedicated to men and women suffering
from sexual addictions. To say the very least, I scored very high on
the addiction scale. Damn near a perfect 100, sadly. I am awaiting a
spot in their vaunted "Intensive Out-patient Program". It is several
weeks of 9-5 days of nothing but group and counseling. I am fortunate
that it is here in LA. I really have high hopes they can help me. My
tit job got moved to March 7th. I am really excited about it but a bit
apprehensive. I know I am going to be really sore and I am not looking
forward to it. Can you say, OUCH? Nautica and I are going along nicely.
We had dinner tonight and the romance is going really well. She is a
beautiful girl, inside and out. We just may have a future. The sex with
her is both hot and romantic. I think I can love this girl. Time will
tell. Britni and I have been speaking daily. It feels good to have her
talking to me again. I did miss her during those couple of weeks we
did not speak. She says she loves me still and I know I still love her.
She wants to come out and have a 3 way with Nautica and I. I think I
will pass though as I am unstable around Britni and am falling for Nautica.
I might f--- something up with Nautica if I see Britni. My feelings
for my wife of 7 years are strong. Of that I have no doubt. I had a
brief slip today with the very same UPS guy. He came on so strong when
I saw him today that I ended up having sex with him. The entire thing
took about 50 seconds but it was enough to make me feel absolutely horrible.
He bent me over the desk, f---ed me, came on my back and left. I know
I should have said no but I just stood there and let him f--- me. I
have not told Nautica yet but I know I have to. I am not looking forward
to it.
June 29, 2006:
Michelle aka BiValleyGirl emails me:
That posting is from my blog. Yes, I am real and yes I am a woman.
Yes, I am bisexualbritni's wife. X wife, actually.
>How is your sex addiction coming along?
I just spent 3 weeks in del amo addiction hospital down in Torrance.
I am doing ok but I still crave to f---, all day, everyday. That blog
reads like a joke but it more aptly my "step 4" for sex addicts anonymous.
It is all quite real and very accurate. This is a rather serious issue
most people do not understand, especially as it pertains to women. It
is a hard thing to beat. I can damn near hear my pussy talking to me
and getting me to do stupid thngs. It would make for a great interview.
>What's the address for your blog?
I have like 5 of them. I stopped updating it long ago as people thought
it was a joke and yahoo and myspace kept taking them down. The one on
newbienudes is way out dated.
I get Michelle on the phone Thursday afternoon. She's the office manager
at AMA Talent.
Luke: "How do you have a connection to the porn industry?"
Michelle: "I met BiSexual Britni online seven years ago. She moved
in with me from New York. We started doing an internet site for her. She
got big. Max [Hardcore] found her and wanted to do a shoot."
6/30/06
Bisexual Britni emails: "Michelle was hospitalized last night after a
run in with the LAPD. She will get back to you for her interview as soon
as she can."
7/6/06
Michelle calls. "I was put on a 72-hour psych hold."
Luke: "Really? For sex addiction?"
Michelle: "Not necessarily that. But for wanting to act out and
threatening suicide."
Luke: "I talked to you just before..."
Michelle: "Because I said, 'I just want to die,' they said, 'That's
it!' It's a 5150 [violation of California's penal code].
"Apparently that's all it takes out here."
Luke: "You sounded fine when I spoke to you."
Michelle: "I was fine. I still am fine."
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