|
2/24/06 I call her Friday afternoon. She's in tears over her break-up with Harold. Mary: "I've got to figure out what to do. Kendra [Jade] says she's willing to be there for me if... She'll come over and make sure he packs up if we break up. At the same time, I love him so much. I've never been heartbroken before. I've never been really in love. "That's what causes our fights. When you love someone so much, there's so much passion, it causes more fights. I've never opened my heart up and loved someone other than my family. "I uncovered more lies last night, another girl who he had talked to behind my back. "But then I find out that I've done a lot of things that hurt him. I have no right to get mad at him. "If he left, I'd feel alone and I'd feel sad. We had the best sex ever. "If I stay with him, we're just going to keep having fights. I don't know if it will ever get better. "If I had never done porn and we'd met and had a normal relationship, it probably would've worked. But the porn thing is not going to work. "If we're in stripclubs all the time, of course he's going to talk to other girls. "He says that if we're going to stay in the porn business, he has to talk to strippers and recruit girls and start a company. I don't want a guy who does that. But if I stay in porn, then that's what they're around. I can't get mad at them for what they do around it. "Why is it hard for me to turn my back on porn?" Luke: "Because you like the attention." Mary: "That's exactly what it is. I like the attention. I love the spotlight. Is it worth giving up true love?" Mary sobs. "I don't know what to do, Luke. "I feel like if I stay in porn, I could have a good career. But a career in what?" Luke: "A career in f-----." Mary: "Yeah. I wanted to quit a couple of months ago and go Christian. My lawyer's like, 'Don't quit now. You're starting to make a name for yourself. You're looking better than ever. Why not try to capitalize on it?' "I go, 'Yeah, you're right!' But then, what am I capitalizing on? "You've been a really good friend. Tell me. What would you do? "He says that if we break up now, it's not like I can call him in a year or two and say, 'Everything's changed.' He'll never talk to me again, which is understandable. "I feel like if I stay in this business, it's not going to work. If I leave this business, I might miss it. "The only way it will work is if I turn my back on it completely and move away to a small town. "What if no one ever loves me again?" This might strike most readers as a ridiculous notion -- that a beautiful girl like Mary would never be loved again. But the porn star has articulated the deepest fear that most women have -- that they are not worthy of love. Luke: "You can have the shallow adoration of thousands or you can have a real relationship with one man." Mary sobs: "I know. I don't know what to do. "As much as he says he hates this porn star drama, there's part of him, I think, that loves it. Any guy would. "I feel that I am so deep into the porn thing, the feature dancing, it's going to be hard to quit it all." Luke: "I hear voices in the background. Where are you?" Mary: "I'm getting my hair highlighted. "Kendra says she will hang out with me and help me get over it. I'm sad about Tawny but you've known Kendra for a long time. She's a level-headed girl. She's a good friend to keep around during something like this, right?" Luke: "Yeah." Mary: "She seems to me to be grounded. She's a good person, yeah?" Luke: "Yeah, but all the people in this industry are screwed up." Mary: "I am too." Luke: "You need real friends who aren't in the porn industry." Mary: "I have a normal friend who said, 'Come stay with me. I'll be your friend through all of this.'" Luke: "Maybe you should talk to the XXXChurch people?" Mary: "I burned my bridges with them. I was going to do that [VH1] TV show with them. Then they told me that Harold couldn't spent the night. I went crazy and burned my bridges with them. I burned my bridges with VH1 over Harold. He's caused me to burn a lot of bridges." Luke: "I'm sure they'd still talk to you if you called them." Mary: "I don't think so. I was pretty rude to them. Because of Harold, I gave up a lot of good things. "If I stay with Harold and stay in this career, our relationship is going to end. "Even the feature dancing... There's going to be cheating if I'm going to strip clubs around the country and he's coming with me. If he doesn't go with me, there's going to be cheating because he'll think I'm cheating on him. It's not a normal relationship for a guy to be in a stripclub every weekend. I'm putting him in an element where that happens. I'm putting him in temptation all the time. "I've made him feel like he has no self-worth. Being with me on the road has taken away from his self-esteem. He wants to talk to other girls because I'm sitting here getting all the attention. He feels like his life is nothing while he's travelling with a porn star. "If I really want to quit everything, it means burning my bridges with my dance bookings. I can't say to Harold, 'I'm going to quit everything. Let me just finish off this month of dance bookings.' "I look at where some porn girl end up. "Me and Tawny were having sex. He wanted to have sex with me while I was having sex with Tawny. Then I can't get mad if he touches Tawny in front of me because we're in that moment. He's feeling like a porn star. "In a normal relationship, I wouldn't be having sex with a girl and I wouldn't be put in that predicament. Most guys in that predicament would do what he's doing -- grab her boobs, grab my boobs... "Meanwhile, I'm on Mancow telling him I want to sleep with him. I can see why Harold is going to act out. This is how the industry is. It's hard to have a healthy relationship. "Jenna [Jameson] and her husband [Jay Grdina] seem to have a great relationship, the best [porn] relationship of all time." Luke: "You can never know how a person's relationship really is unless you are inside of it. For all we know, it could be a nightmare." Mary: "It could be a business thing. "I'm completely at a confused point. I have to figure it out now. I can't keep dragging him along and being unsure. "I don't feel like I have many people to turn to and to lean on. I feel like I'm alone in the world without him." Read The Consolation of Philosophy. Mary: "How do I get through being alone in the world?" Luke: "You've got to know that you've done it before and you can do it again." Mary: "I'm already nervous at flying to my next dance booking by myself. I have a guy there who will help me roadie. I just have to spend one night by myself. That scares me. "That's something people have to deal with in life. I've got to learn to grow up. Part of my problem with Harold is that I am never a grown-up. "Aren't I a good psychologist? Stupid people don't have these thoughts. I'm able to analyze myself and see these things. I wish I wasn't able to see the stuff I see. It would be so much easier if I didn't understand. I wish I didn't think so much. I over-analyze. I worry. "The fights that we have are not healthy. The problem is that neither one of us trusts each other. Why do you think we don't trust each other?" Luke: "Because you've burned each other so much." Mary: "He gets mad and wants to check my phone. I get mad and I want to check his phone. He says, 'Who did you talk to?' I say, 'Who did you talk to?' "I hold on to everything. I bring up old stuff. I can't forgive and forget. Over and over again, I ask, 'Why did you do what you did three weeks ago?' 'Why did you say what you said?' 'You did this to me. Why did you do this to me?' "Harold doesn't bring old stuff up." Luke: "Why don't you guys separate, stop having sex, and start over?" Mary: "But the second we got back together, I'd say, 'Who were you with? What did you do while we were apart? How many girls did you have sex with? Do you like me better?'" 2/27/06 I was going to pick up Mary Carey (from her boxcover shoot Sunday) Monday morning and drive her to Holly's suze.net office near Malibu. But I feared that Mary might flake and it might rain and that the whole thing would be more exhausting than rewarding. Mary called me at 12:31 am but I was asleep. She emailed me: "I'm staying at Kendra's." Kendra Jade and friends will be on the Wankus show on KSEXradio.com tonight. Though I emailed Mary several times Sunday the address and phone number for Holly and her office, Mary asked me Monday morning to email it again. Mary invited me to her set Tuesday but good thing I checked with the director who informed me that for many reasons, it was a closed set. 11:04 am. Mary calls. She sounds half-asleep. "We just woke up. I had a very depressing night. I'm totally done with Harold. "Kendra, are you going to be able to get up?" Kendra: "I'm fine, dude." Mary: "I didn't get the best of sleep but hopefully [Holly and Suze] will still think I'm pretty." 11:15 am. Mary calls. "We're leaving here in ten minutes." Kendra: "Stop talking on the phone and get dressed." Kendra takes the phone. "Mary's acting crazy. It's frustrating." Mary yells at Kendra: "Make sure he knows that I'm done with Harold for good and that Tawny Roberts is a liar." Kendra: "She wants everybody to die. She wants Harold to die. Everybody but for me to die. Nobody in this house can die but everybody else can die. "Just Tawny and Harold now. Not a vicious death. She doesn't mean it in a bad way or with bad will." 11:25 am. It begins to rain. 11:37 am. Mary calls from the road. "Are you coming to my set tomorrow?" Luke: "I called Cash Markman. He says it's a closed set tomorrow." Mary: "No, it's not a closed set. You can come by. They're just saying that because I said that originally because I thought Harold was coming. "They said it was a closed set because they thought I was going to have a mental breakdown on set because I haven't done a boy-girl scene... "I've lost so much weight. Last week I was 132. Today I'm 127. At my heaviest, in February, I was 160. "Kendra's roommate Bobby (Cassidey) is psychotic." Mary yells them: "Guys, stop fighting. I'm on the phone with Luke. Stop fighting! Stop fighting you two!" Kendra had a 30-minute fight with her roommate Cassidey (the ex-Vivid girl) this morning. Mary has a fearsome scream. I fear that she's going to break down. Mary: "I should just go back to Harold because this is the kind of relationship I had with Harold." Mary's about to cry: "Can we please go, Kendra? I'm on the phone with Luke. You guys stop it! You guys, stop pulling each other's hair. I might as well get beat up by Harold. I might as well get beat up too. "Luke, I'm trying to get to Holly and she's supposed to drive me." Cassidey's dog barks frantically. I hear the two girls smashing into each other and fighting. Mary: "Kendra's making sure her roommate gets out. "Kendra's roommate is crazy. She just tried to beat the s--- out of Kendra twice. Of course Kendra wins. "I think she's jealous of our friendship, like Tawny used to get. "My rich Jew is supporting me. He's going to fly me to Florida. He's going to take care of me." I don't think Mary, Kendra and Cassidey finished finishing school. 11:37 am. Mary calls. I hear Kendra talking on her phone in the background about Cassidey. "I will destroy her life. "She bit my finger. I told her, I can do that to her, and took a big bite out of neck. Feel good?" Mary: "Her roommate attacked her and she defended herself. "I've got this guy in Florida who loves me. "Do you think Holly will like me? I've always wanted to shoot for them. They've shot a lot some girls I really don't like. They shoot curvy girls." Kendra, going over her fight with Cassidey: "And you're not going to pick any of this up?" 11:40 am: HollyRandall: so mary and kendra went to the studio today "I don't have a scratch on me," boasts Kendra over the phone to Lisa the Lesbian. "I only have a bit finger." Mary: "I'm so happy but I'm depressed." Kendra: "I have her by the throat on the ground. Do you want to get up and walk away or do you want to keep going? "If I get in a situation, where I have to lie for you? The only thing about me that I give a f--- about is that I am an honest person, that I am straight-forward." 12:40 pm. Kendra and Mary call the office seeking directions. They're lost. Holly gets on the line. Kendra's fighting with Cassidey. Mary's babbling about her breakup with Holly. Suze is annoyed and has left. Holly tells Mary to get right up the hill and to hold off on the chatter. 12:50 pm. Mary comes in babbling about Constantine from American Idol. How she hadn't f----- him and wished she had. That she's really horny. Suze returns and meets Mary, who's booked for March 28. The Randalls normally allow the girl to select her scene partner. Mary booked Ben English, who the Randalls love. Mary gets on the phone and tells Ben: "I'll only work with you on the 28th if you come and f--- me tonight. Are you single? I'm horny." Ben explains he has a girlfriend. 1:45 pm. Mary calls: "Kendra and I will be having a big announcement soon. I can give you a hint -- we'll be going to a state where there's gay marriage. "Kendra's bitter. "They set me up to shoot a boy-girl with Derek [Hay] on Tuesday, March 28. "Holly and I have a lot in common. I have a strange sense of humor and I can see the porn world from the outside. I think Holly and I have a similar sense of personality, humor. Obviously I'm crazier and I drink more." I'm not sure that's true. Mary: "I'm attracted to the craziness and the drama. Holly's similar. "There's a guy on the other line who I am going to f---. His name is Richie. Let me call you back." HollyRandall: my god 2/28/06 Mary calls at 12:21 pm. "I didn't go to Metal School last night with Kendra Jade. I was afraid we'd party with rock stars all night. "I went bowling and drank beer with Richie. I wish I hadn't. I should've gone to bed. "I'm going to work with Lexie Marie. She's hot. She reminds me of a young Tawny. "I liked Holly. Did Holly like me?" Luke: "Yeah." Mary: "Why don't you, me, Holly and her mom go someplace together?" I laugh. Mary: "Don't worry. I won't rape Holly. "Holly thinks I'm exhausting, I read. I am a little tiring. I'm tired all the time from myself. "Last night I was missing Harold. Harold tried to play, 'I'm getting pulled over.' I said, 'OK, I'll bail you out of jail.' Then he lied to me. Then this morning he asked me to borrow a thousand dollars to fix his teeth. "Are you crazy? I just miss him because I get lonely and sad and I feel like nobody loves me. What if he's the love of my life? But then I realize if he was the love of my life, he wouldn't treat me bad. "Then he told me, 'Fine, go be a whore. Go be a stupid porn star. Are you going to party with porn stars for the next couple of years and end up killing yourself?' "I'm getting ready to go to the National Republican Congressional Committee in two-and-a-half weeks. This guy Mark who's winning an award is taking me as his date. I'll be announcing it to Fox News in three days. Then I'll announce I'm running for governor. Then I'll tell the Republicans that they need to stop being so mean to the Adult industry. They're about supporting small businesses. Porn helps the economy. "Mark's a fan of mine. I blew him off. Then he took me to the MTV Music Awards. Then he got mad at me because I ditched him to go to Jimmy Fallon's hotel room party. He forgave me. Then I blew him off again because I was with Harold. "Do I sound nuts? My friend Cindi from Xcitement magazine says I'm sounding a little nutty lately. "I think I'm expressing emotions that everyone feels. "She says, 'I don't think it is a smart move for you to get on the phone with Luke and express everything you're feeling.' I feel like you are a good listener. You have a good mind and give good advice. "If people haven't felt the emotions I'm feeling, then their lives are really boring and my life is fun." Mary asks Lexie if she wants to say hello. Lexie says no. Mary: "Luke's really nice. No, he's nice. He just reports the truth, what people say. You've got to know that when you call Luke, what you're saying is being recorded. Right Luke?" Luke: "Right." Mary: "How do you get it set up so that all the calls are recorded?" Luke: "I don't. I have to push two buttons to start recording." Mary: "So the second I call you, you press buttons. Is it fun to get Mary updates?" Luke: "Yeah." Mary: "I like it because I feel like you are someone I can talk to who gives me advice. "I called American Airlines and upgraded to first class for my dance booking and so now I feel happier. Flying first class always cheers you up. I hope I get a fun partier in first class with me. Then I can get drunk and meet a boyfriend. "Looking at my situation, what is your advice to me?" Luke: "Get a therapist and friends outside of porn." 3/5/06 Mary Carey Fears The End Of Time Mary Mary Mary Mary Mary Mary Mary Mary Mary Mary, Harold movie I had lunch Sunday (1:45-2:40 pm) with Mary and Harold and their driver Dino at Jerry's Deli on Beverly Blvd. She'd just got off the plane from North Carolina. Her luggage was lost both ways. I walk past actor Ben Kingsley. Almost six years ago, I was walking out of here with my civilian love and we ran into Ron Jeremy. Today I order a fruit salad. Mary gets a couple of mini pizzas and some mozarella sticks. Harold has a meaty sandwich and Dino a meaty bowl of soup. Carey flew back first class while Harold was glad for a four-hour break from Mary and slept in coach. The problem is that when Mary is on her own, she starts picking up guys. Mary and Harold joke about how Mary has threatened suicide to get a seat in first place. She's supposed to leave for New Zealand Tuesday night for six days but she doesn't want to go. She wants to do Jerry Springer on that day. Mary was once talking to an operator and Harold walked off for an hour. When she returned, Mary was chatting to the same woman. Mary befriends people everywhere she goes, but then gets annoyed when 98% of them call her. She wants to make a video about the political process. I didn't push the right button on my tape recorder and lose most of my notes from the meal. Dino also drives Tawny Roberts and Jessica Jaymes. Mary and Harold say that Jessica tried to drive them apart by claiming Harold was hitting on her. Mary says that girls who hook gradually lose their minds and try to drown their troubles in alcohol and drugs. I ask Mary if she had to shove one book of the Bible up her bum, which one would she choose? "Revelation," she says. "It's scary." She talks about her ten days as a Christian. One night she spent three hours with a pastor and his wife and she and Harold got baptized. She spent hours a day reading the bible and watching videos about the End of Time. Mary became convinced we're living in the time of the fifth trumpet (only two more to go before it's all over). Carey did one grumpy book signing in Portland while a Christian. The store owner flew in a bunch of his friends to party with her but she wouldn't party. She was mad that the flight back was late and she couldn't make it to church. She also did a dance booking while a Christian, but simply put herself in an unChristian mindset for those hours to pull it off. Mary says she'll become a Christian or Jew when she leaves porn and then condemn the industry and get tons of publicity. She wants to become a pastor or rabbi. Mary talks about going to a national Republican convention in two weeks. "I watched how Mark [Kulkis of Kiss Ass Pictures] did the press. I got all his contacts. Now I just sit there and send out emails and faxes like Mark did. I have such good relationships with Fox and MSNBC and Mancow is great. I have to get up at 4:30 am every day. Harold doesn't think I can. "If I do a good job for a week cohosting, I'll get my own radio show. I'm very entertaining." Mary does great accents. She imitates the strip club owner in North Carolina who told her she had to be a good girl because the local laws were so strict. Mary says a lot of people have stolen the "exhausting" tag that Holly and I put on her. She says she'll be calm. She wants to see my crazy side come out. I enjoy my lunch with Mary. She doesn't act out. She's sober. She's fun. She's bright. She's funny. She was on time. I was 10-minutes late. Mary's emails are correctly spelled and punctuated. She writes me at 3:40 pm: "It was nice to see you today. Are you exhausted? I was reading about you, and you are very interesting. I am going to buy one of your books. I like the one reviewer that says you are like Brad Pitt [XXX-Communicated]. I'm always fun, what do you think of Harold?" I like him. "Really? I guess because he's quiet and calm, its a good contrast to me. He's a lot more rational than me too. Maybe I just make him crazy sometimes." Kendra Jade replies to me: "I don't hate Mary because she has my clothes. That's stupid. I have more clothes than any one human being should own. In fact, I don't hate her at all. She just is exhausting me of all energy, she flakes on everything and it's annoying. I don't dislike her. I just can't have her in my life when she acts like that. It takes too much of a toll on me and stresses me out too much. Mary is a good girl with a good heart, but she makes the world's dumbest decisions and I can't just sit around watching and biting my tongue. I'd rather just have nothing to do with her." 3/6/06 Mary Carey Seeks My Advice On Porn & Politics The Legend contract girl calls me at 2:57 p.m. "It's about going to the National Republican Congressional committee dinner [where she will get a Businesswoman of the Year award for her Mary Carey Productions, which hasn't produced anything]. I went last time with Kick Ass. I guess it was a Bush fundraiser. Raising money for Bush while they're trying to crack down on my livelihood isn't necessarily a good thing for me or the industry. "I want to go to show a face of porn, a happy blonde woman. "Legend doesn't think I should go because the dinner supports people trying to shut down the industry. "I haven't have been following stuff as much as I should be, so could you explain to me, is it true that they are trying to get rid of the Adult industry altogether?" Luke: "It's not clear. I think you should go." Mary: "I think I should go. You know me. I love publicity. But I'd hate to do something that could hurt somebody's livelihood." Luke: "Whether you go or not is not going to make any difference to somebody's livelihood." Mary: "I'd hate for Legend to be mad at me if I go. "The [federal government] wouldn't come after my little website [MaryCarey.com]? It's hardly hardcore." Luke: "I doubt it." Mary: "You're my voice of reason. I asked Legend if they wanted to pay for me to go and they obviously don't want to give their hard-earned money to something that is trying to ruin their livelihood. I had somebody else offer to pay for me." Luke: "Whatever you do is not going to affect the industry or public policy. Just do what you want." 4/1/06 Locked Up In Dallas Psychiatric Ward From 4 am - 10:30 am Saturday The drunk porn star told the police that she would commit suicide if they arrested her boyfriend Harold. They incarcerated her. I call Mary at 7:20 p.m. Saturday. Mary: "Every one else would be embarrassed by this. I think it's just another thing to add to the funny stories of my life. "After the store signing last night, Harold and I went drinking at the bar. I karaoked. We went upstairs to another bar and danced around. I was mad at him. He'd told me he had all this money saved up. He was lying to me this whole time. That he could buy me a wedding ring. That he was just saving his money. "The perverted security guard at the hotel wanted to hang out with me alone. He told me to get away from Harold. "The next thing you know the police came." A woman in the background wants to get on to the computer Mary is using. Mary says to the woman: "You have to ask him. Stop bugging me." Mary to me: "I wouldn't press charges against Harold. I said that if they took him to jail, I'd kill myself. "They took that as me threatening to kill myself and they had to take me to the psychiatric ward. I told them that I was using it as a figure of speech. "The next thing I know I'm in handcuffs. They take me to the Parkland Hospital. I say, 'Let me speak to my lawyer.' "The police are talking about how they're going to put all these injections into me. "They locked me in a room with a whole bunch of people who want to kill themselves. I was in a little robe. They took away my cell phone. "I told them I needed to make one phonecall. Unfortunately, you could only call collect or call locally. I didn't know anybody's phone number. "I got Jack's [the co-owner of Legend] number. I got the club's number and called them. I couldn't call Harold because he only had his cell phone. "He had been kicked out of the hotel. "I was trying to scream who I am. The doctors and nurses could see us through the glass. "This lady is trying to use the computer and she's complaining to the staff, but the staff are fans of mine. They're not going to let her use the computer. "I started to tell them that I am going to sue everybody. That I'm going to tell Fox News how the hospital has wronged me. "They finally let me go." Harold: "She was belligerent at the hotel. They called the police. They saw how drunk she was. She finally said, 'If I don't sleep with Harold, I'm going to kill myself.' So they took her to the mental ward. "I went over there at 10:30 a.m. when they released her. She looked like a looney. She had on the robe. She's pounding on the glass. She was waving at me through the glass. She looked like a mental case." Mary: "I threatened to call the news channels. A nurse told me I had to be quiet or they would put me in solitary confinement. "They delivered cereal. It was Cheerios and 2% milk. I started banging on the glass. The nurse came. I asked, 'Do you have soy milk? I only drink soy milk.' They didn't have soy milk or skim milk. I gave my milk to one of the other crazy people in the room. "One person was depressed about his wife divorcing him. He said his life was falling apart. He hadn't achieved his goals. I told him, 'You can achieve anything.' I was cheerful to a lot of them. There was a crazy black woman who said she was going to put a gun to her head. There was this tall black man who was pacing back and forth. "I asked for a cup of water. I didn't like using the water fountain over and over again because it was dirty. They wouldn't give me a cup. So I took one of the little cups that people pee in and used that until they finally gave me my own cup. "If that was the only time I have to go through that, it was a humorous experience. "I had so many people call the hospital on my behalf -- store owner, store manager, Harold, Jack from Legend. "I told Marc Medoff. He thought it was an April Fool's joke. "I got banned from another hotel. The Sterling. Mary Carey - Banned Across America. "I had to buy my own hotel [room]. "The store was happy overall. [She signed Saturday.] They paid for everything. "I hadn't drank in a week. I didn't eat all day. My blood alcohol was .19. It's another case of me becoming extremely drunk and extremely belligerent. "I made it in Playboy's Top 100 Girls in special editions. I kept screaming, 'I'm in Playboy's Top 100 of Special Editions.' "I told them I know Alan Holmes and Neil Cavuto. Half of them thought I was totally crazy. The other half knew who I was. "Then I started telling them that the owner of my porn company was going to buy and sell the hospital if they didn't let me out. "I thought I was being really smart by looking at the nurse's name tags and pretending to memorize them so I could report them to the news. I told them I was going to sue them all. "If I ever have to play a mental case for a movie, I will do a great job. "Imagine if in LA every time someone said they were going to kill themselves, they got arrested?" Luke: "Do you think you should've spent more time in the mental ward?" Mary: "No. They tested me for chemical imbalances. I don't have any. They took four things of blood from me. I remember I was screaming at them, 'I don't have HIV, chlamydia or gonorrhea.' "This one guy tried to kill himself by taking three speedballs of coke. I told him that if he wanted to kill himself, he should take downers, not uppers. When he was leaving, there was nobody there to get him. He couldn't get signed out. He asked me if I had some change for the bus. I gave him $20. "I felt like I cheered up a lot of the patients. "At one point I was lifting up my gown like I was going to do a striptease and they told me to keep my clothes on. "At 10 a.m., I met with the doctor. He asked, 'Do you think you have an alcohol problem?' I said, 'Doctor, this is an improvement. I don't wake up and start drinking. When I do drink, I tend to drink a large amount. I can go days without it as long as I avoid social places where there's alcohol. "The doctor was impressed. I was honest with him. I told him, 'I know I drink too much. I know what causes it. I may have to change my career or where I drink or change my lifestyle.' "At the porn signing today, I saw some of the disgusting movies that are done. I've never been around them. I walked through the aisles of the store and some of it saddens me like Gag Factor. In one of the movies, the girl had tape over her eyes. It didn't look like they were acting. It looked genuinely uncomfortable. "I wonder how much they get paid to make such movies. Is it better paid? Is it as bad as it looks? Gets some comments on that from the girls. "I didn't know that porn like that went on. I've never been on a set like that." 5/2/06 Mary Carey Sobriety Update The Legend contract girl calls me Tuesday afternoon. Mary, 25: "I was sober for two weeks. Then I drank a lot Sunday night and remembered why I don't drink anymore. It's easy [to not drink] if I avoid social situations where there's alcohol. "Sunday night I went to the Larpy (Live Action Role Play) Awards. I'm not sure what they are for. If you go to WireImage.com and search my name, you can see my pictures. "I went to a red carpet event last week. I went in, saw everyone getting drunk and left. "[Mary's boyfriend] Harold's writing my press releases, faxing them and emailing them. I have about 300 media contacts that I got from a mainstream publicist. "I haven't been doing any basketball games ($200 each). Tawny [Roberts] and I went to enough games to last a lifetime (trying to meet players). I'm trying to save my money. That's what Harold is teaching me. Last month, I spent a couple of thousand dollars on stupid things -- hair extensions ($2,000), too many facials (once a week at $500 each). Going out to eat, we were spending $200 a day in restaurants. We're eating at home and eating cereal for breakfast instead of going out." Luke: "Any drama in your life?" Mary: "No. I'm sorry. When I'm sober, there's not as much drama. "Tawny and I are friends again but I don't see her because she's living in New York. I don't know if her mind is 100% right when she's drinking as much as she is. The last two times I talked to her, Tawny sounded sober and good. "My days are much more productive now I'm sober. When I go out and see drunk people, I think they're stupid. I hate it. Then I realize I must've looked the dumbest of everyone because I was one of the drunkest. "This is my first [complete] week in California in about four months because I've been dancing so much. "I sometimes want to move away from LA. I see everyone as wanting to be famous. Everyone out for themselves. Lost souls. It makes me feel yukky inside to be in that environment. It makes me want to move to another state where people seem more real." Luke: "How's Mancow?" Mary: "I'm annoyed with him. They bounced a check on me for hosting their party. The week of cohosting the show was for experience. I feel taken advantage of. The show didn't help with my website traffic. It wasn't like doing Howard Stern for a few minutes or doing two appearances on Fox News. I got lots of sign-ups. "I want to focus on my website. I want to do live video diaries every day. My website is the one place where I can benefit. Legend might sell more units of my movies because of my publicity but it doesn't benefit me. But if I put more attention into my website, it can make me more money. "Instead of, yay, I'm getting $5,000 a month off my website, why not put effort into it? I have 8,000 [unanswered] emails. If I responded to all of them, I'd probably get 500 signups. "When I'm sober, I get more anxious. When you are sober, you are forced to deal with reality. I get anxious about all the things I have to get done. When I was with Tawny all the time and we were drunk every day, I didn't do much. I'd wake up hungover and get ready to drink more. It's a great way to escape reality. When I'm drunk, I blow more money. When I'm sober, I don't want to spend my money. "Being sober reminds me of when I was in highschool and when I had a big test coming up, I always got nervous. When I'm sober, I have that nervous knot in my stomach all day long because I'm thinking about all the stuff I need to do. I get overwhelmed in my mind. When I'm drunk, I don't worry about anything. "I can't go to Porn Star Karaoke because I'll get drunk. "Last night, instead of going out, Harold and I worked on my press releases for a couple of hours. When I'm home, I get tired around 11 p.m. or 12 a.m. If I was at a nightclub, I'd be out until 2 a.m. and have tons of energy. I was telling Harold, 'I think I'm growing up because I don't want to go to nightclubs anymore.' "I need to get my MySpace set up. Are you addicted to MySpace?" Luke: "No. It's just a tool." Mary: "I hear about MySpace everywhere I go." 5/24/06
Mary Carey's Tips For Media Stardom I call her at noon Wednesday. Mary: "I had major drama Friday night. I got really drunk because the store was giving me alcohol. I had a fight with Harold. Whenever I get drunk, a fight will happen. I don't know why. Maybe I become irrational?" Holly was a sweet drunk. Mary: "Do you know common law? How long do you have to live with someone before you are considered married? Someone was telling me about palimony. That if someone lives with you long enough, they can try to take money from you when you break up. "I'd get so lonely living by myself that I'd end up with different random guys. "When Harold came back to the room Friday night [in Minnesota], he got mad at me because I was on the phone drunk with some random guy. I called one guy I knew and told him that we had to hurt Harold." She laughs. "He poured wine on my face at the store signing. I think it was because I was pouring wine on him first. "Stores think I'm being so much fun when I'm drunk, but there's a point where the fun stops and craziness takes over. "Harold can tell the point where I'm about to go crazy and he'll say, 'Don't let her drink any more.' But there are other people around who say, 'Let her drink. She's so much fun.' They don't understand the level of craziness that will occur. "I haven't talked to Joanna [Angel] since Friday. I only behave badly when drunk to people I know really well. It was so embarrassing waking up Saturday and seeing the store people from the night before. "I don't think I did anything mean to Joanna. I can't remember. She's very calm and not crazy. "Tawny [Roberts] and I would have huge fights because we knew each other really well. "Tawny seems together. She's living in New York with some guy [they've been together a couple of months, he's some rich guy]. She had her car shipped to New York and got New York plates. She had all her stuff moved out of the [lawyer Marvin's] house here. [They were starting a production company together.] She keeps inviting me to New York to stay with her. "She really did go to Africa and Australia [with her new man]. The only thing she could tell me about Australia was that she saw kangaroos everywhere and she stayed at the Versacci Hotel. "Sometimes Tawny sounds like she's crazy but there's underlying purpose to what she's saying. "When she said she was going to Africa, that sounded nuts to me but she knew she had a trip planned to Africa. "I guess the production company she was starting with Marvin fell through. I know they weren't paying Devon and Devon was mad. "Many people think that anyone can start a production company but you have to produce a lot of titles and have good distribution. I don't think he knew anything. "People think that one porno sells 100,000 copies when it only sells a couple of thousand. Outsiders think I must be so rich. 'Oh, then somebody is rich off of you.' No, nobody is rich off of me. It's putting out a million titles that makes them rich not me. "Jenna Jameson does so many things that make her money. It's not just the movies. "Tawny's boyfriend probably thought that Tawny was like Jenna and she could have her own production company and put out movies and make money. "My first boy-girl movie, Mary Carey Rules, sold over 8,000 units according to Mark Kulkis. Legend doesn't tell me how many copies of my movies sell. I don't get a cut. "The publicity that Legend does is just what I generate for myself. They don't do big ads and billboards. But Legend's got great distribution. They put out 15 titles a month." Kick Ass Pictures put out nine Mary Carey movies. "They've got one more that they shot in 2004 that they haven't put out yet. Mark told me he's holding on to it for me when I do something big, like my own reality show. "I've done so much stuff for exposure, I need to start seeing monetary benefits. "I want to go to another Bush dinner in a couple of weeks but they don't want to pay for it. They don't want to support Republicans, which I understand, but I think me going is making a mockery of Republicans. It shows how Republicans will just take the money. They'll put down porn but they'll let me come to a dinner just because I'm donating money." Luke: "I watched your clip on Keith Olbermann." Mary: "I was laughing so much because Keith had called me a couple of times. It was kinda awkward." Luke: "Did you have phone sex with him?" Mary: "No. Keith's not that dirty." Luke: "What have you learned about the media from all your exposure?" Mary: "The media likes porn stars because porn makes people tune in to their show. If they say porn star coming up, someone flipping channels, someone who might not normally watch a news show, might watch. It just shows America's fascination with porn. "I'm supposed to tape a pilot for a radio show and I was talking to the producer about porn sets. People find it fascinating. 'Oh, are there fluffers?' No, that's a misconception. 'You must be so tired of sex. You're doing it all the time.' I do it six times a year on camera so I'm totally not sick of it. "I find it intriguing to hear girl's stories of them going in and out of the industry. "Yesterday I watched a news show about overseas Russian girls being traded to Turkish people as sex slaves. "I watched this cool movie called Whore, starring Denise Richards." Luke: "I wonder if you are so good at media because you have nothing to hide?" Mary: "Yeah. That's what makes me entertaining. When I was on Mancow, he said they'd had other porn stars on but they don't talk. "I always get this: 'Mary, why do you call Luke and tell him everything?' I don't have anything to hide. Of course people will have judgments but everybody has little things that they don't want people to know. I just tell everything. If I have to fart, I fart on TV. "On TV interviews, I'm asked if I want my questions ahead of time. No, no, no. Throw them at me. I love not knowing what's coming. I hate when people have planned-out answers. "If you are going to be a pop star who appeals to children between 12-15, you need a publicist to control your answers. You can't say you're getting drunk and doing drugs. You have to keep your answers to appeal to the kids. "Once I went to a mainstream party. There was a porn person there. She said, 'There aren't any [porn] industry people here. It's all mainstream people. I'm going to leave.' I feel comfortable with mainstream Hollywood, though when I went alone to the Emmy Awards, I felt really out of place. I felt really strange. Afterwards, Jimmy Fallon had a party in his hotel room. Jessica Simpson was there. Kirsten Dunst. I felt really out of place. I know that many mainstream girls look down upon adult film stars. That we can't act. That's a stigma I didn't know was attached to the adult industry. I thought people thought porn stars were cool and glamorous. The only porn stars I saw when I was 18 was Jenna Jameson and Kendra Jade on Howard Stern. I'd be watching with my boyfriend and I'd say, 'I want to be like those girls.' I saw Houston perform at a club in Florida. The club was packed. The crowd was screaming for her. I thought, 'Wow, I want to be like that.' "Harold's coming into the hair salon. He's trying to catch me on the phone with people. "Harold wishes I'd hide some things. He wishes I didn't have such a big mouth. "I've always had a big mouth and talked a lot. In highschool, I had nothing to hide. I was really bad at keeping secrets. If I buy someone a present, I can't keep their present secret. Whenever I find out any good news about someone, I can't wait to tell them." Luke: "What advice would you give to porn people before they talk to the media?" Mary: "Always be honest with the media. I don't say I graduated college. I did three years. I have a year left [to get her Theater degree]. If I drink, I admit it. If you are going to be an adult film star on a news show, you should bring entertainment. They can always count on me not to be boring. That's how Nicole Richie became so popular. She doesn't hold back. Paris Hilton is the same way. "I don't think I would work as a quiet demure person." Mary asks me to ask Holly if she likes my laugh and if she finds life boring without alcohol: Holly replies:
7/5/06 I call her Wednesday afternoon. Harold answers. "Lukey Pookie. "Jonathan Davis from Korn came to the party. O.B. Tryce. Shifty. "Mary's new best friend is [the wrestler] Chyna (Joanie Laurer). She's always trying to kiss Mary with her big lips and Mary does not know whether to kiss her back or to run. "Mary says that I abuse her." Luke: "Are you punching her again?" Harold: "That I physically abuse her." Mary: "I've got the bruises to prove it. "Everyone sees her fall on her head and do this stuff to herself. But the next day it's Harold. It's all about the story, Luke." Mary: "I'm sitting in AIM getting my HIV-test. I've got my little cup with my bag of urine. I have to shoot a movie next week, my fourth for Legend, which means I'm going to go crazy in another day or two. "When someone was going to introduce me to Chyna, they said she was like me, Jessica [Jaymes] and Tawny [Roberts] combined. I didn't believe them. "Then I hung out with her and I realized they were correct." Luke: "How's Jessica Jaymes?" Mary: "Last I knew she was dating guys off MySpace. She's meeting random guys off MySpace and telling me how wonderful MySpace was and how different guys were coming over and she loved them. "Kendra Jade took me to a comedy club two weeks ago. I called Jessica and she said, 'Oh Mary, I have a job at 9 p.m. I can't talk.'" Luke: "She's a busy girl." Mary: "I, unfortunately, am not busy like that. I've been feature dancing. "Oh Luke, you're Jewish. My best friend from highschool, Amber, is Jewish. She told me that the big thing to say is, 'Next year in Jerusalem.' "She's very Jewish. She wears her Hebrew name around her neck. "I told her that a lot of the people I have to deal with in LA are Jewish and I told her I wanted a cool name. She told me to say, 'Next year in Jerusalem' when I do a toast. "My highschool, Pinecrest, was 90% Jewish. My friends from highschool want me to convert [to Judaism]. I'm contemplating it. Honestly, I'm really into the Christianity thing too. It just seems that Jewish people are financially more successful than non-Jewish people. "Tawny [Roberts] flew in to town. She's with her lawyer. She's suing Rich, Jesse Jane's husband [and Tawny's ex]. "I don't know the full details. I don't know who's right or wrong. I used to take Tawny's word as truth, but I didn't realize that when someone is drunk, they might not know accurately what is going on. "It's nice to be around my friends from highschool. They're normal. They have jobs but they'd rather do nothing. They think I do nothing. They think all porn stars are rich because everyone's seen Jenna Jameson's E! True Hollywood Story." Luke: "Are you and Tawny hanging out?" Mary: "We're supposed to get together today. She's hanging out at a colonics place. She's unhappy with the weight gain of being four months pregnant. She's trying to figure out ways to lose weight while she's pregnant. "I asked her if she was going to get botox. She said, 'You can't get botox when you're pregnant.' I guess it's OK to drink alcohol. Not sure of the rationale but it's good to know she won't harm the baby with botox." Luke: "Do you do botox?" Mary: "Just the frownlines between my eyebrows. I still want to have movement in my forehead. "After that pilot of shot for VH1, I had a meeting with VH1. Now they just want to have a little documentary thing on me instead. Documentary probably means for free while reality means pay. "When I was in their office, I asked, 'Is this going to be AFTRA? SAG?' Everyone tries to have porn stars on their show for free. I've done too much free stuff. I like doing news shows. "Harold and I have been fighting a lot. He wants to have threesomes with strippers in strip clubs because he doesn't get anything out of the relationship. Why can't he have some sort of benefits? I said, 'Why can't we have a monogamous relationship aside from my six movies a year?' "He says that if he's not in charge of my money, he should get to have sex with other girls. I think that's wrong. What do you think, Luke?" Harold: "I am with this girl 24 hours a day, seven days a week. This isn't by my choice. She makes me look like the bad guy when other people want her to hang out without me. I have no problem with that. But she'll tell people, 'I can't. Harold won't let me.'" Mary: "You got mad when I hung out with Mancow." Harold: "I enjoy the break. "She's super-clingy. Even when I take a s---, she's standing next to the toilet." Mary: "If I go out without you, you always think I'm doing something shady." Harold: "You are." Mary: "You are just trying to defend yourself because I have bruises to prove [Harold beats her]. If you go to DailyCeleb.com, maybe you'll see the bruises on my shoulder." Harold: "Why can't I talk to Luke? "Luke, call me." Luke: "Who is Bridgetta Tomarchio?" Mary: "She's a reality star. She goes to mainstream redcarpet events, so photographers know her. I've been hanging out with her a lot. "Wankus didn't know who Bridgetta Tomarchio was and he yelled at her to get out of the picture. So his name and Tyler's name aren't under their photos. Bridgetta was very upset, so she threw a bottle at him. "At mainstream redcarpet events, everyone knows who Bridgetta is but in porno, no one knows who she is." I email Wankus: "What happened between you and that reality chick Bridgetta? I heard she threw a drink at you because you told her to get out of a picture." He responds: "I don't know who Bridgetta Tomarchio is but as I said on The Wanker Show on KSEXradio.com this past Monday, "Tyler (Faith) and I were hanging with John from Korn and our good friend Rob and having a nice time at some club in Orange County. We later bumped into Mary Carey who is back with Harold again, the man who supposedly beat her." "Anyway...all is going well and we are about to take a group photo when all of a sudden, some trailer bitch comes jumping into the mix, sprawls her body out across the group and acts all freshman college drunk aand annoyingly tries to be in the photo. This pestered me and it had been a long week so in my best Wankus sarcasm I poked my index finger on her shoulder in a pesty, pointy fashion and said, 'you're very cute but get the fuck out of the picture'. She in turn pushed me, slamming my camera to the ground while I laughed at her. Moments later she returned with the bouncers and they told us to leave. "I tried to tell the bouncers that it was no big deal, no need to kick us out but they wouldn't have it. And to make it worse, Harold, Mary's man, instead of getting my back said to me in front of them, 'yeah well you did go too far Wankus.' What the hell is that? There's no doubt about it that I went to far. There's no doubt about it that I handled it wrong. But c'mon man...there's an unwritten rule of thumb that when one of your friends, or at least someone you're having a good time with that night, gets into a situation...you get their back. That's how we do it on the East Coast. Don't know what the hell Harold was thinking. Regardless, Tyler and I left without incident and enjoyed a good laugh the whole way home." Mary says I should join her and Harold at Starbucks because she just got her lips done. Harold: "If you want to know how things are really going down, call me. "Whenever I tell him I'm going to call the police or get lawyers, he says, 'Nobody will believe you in court because you are a porn star.'" Harold: "I can get people to say how you fall down." Mary laughs. "One reason I like Harold is that he doesn't try to pose in pictures with me. I could never date a guy like that. I find it weird if someone else is trying to be in the spotlight with me. Harold hides from the cameras. "Harold hid from me in the club [June 30] because I was telling these guys that I wanted to have sex with them. "Luke, you should hang out with us every day. I feel that if you were around, things wouldn't be so crazy. "If I get my own reality show with a lot of money, I'll hire you to come with me everywhere. "You could write my book. With my handicapped parents, the private Jewish prepatory school, I was raised by my grandparents, it's a unique story." Luke to Harold: "Tell me the real story between you and Mary." Harold: "She'll just snatch the phone from me." Mary: "What does kosher mean? That it was blessed by the rabbi?" Luke: "No. It is a complex series of laws." Mary: "Next year in Jerusalem. "Tell me some benefits of being Jewish over Christian. You chose to be Jewish. You did your research. Jewish people who are very Jewish have pride. You don't see Christian people walking around, 'I'm Christian.' All my Jewish friends, it's a whole connection they have. I feel left out." Luke: "Wherever Jews have lived for the past 2000 years, they've been a minority, so they are always defining themselves against what the majority, the goyim, do." Mary: "Will Jewish people be accepting of me? My friends are. But they think I'm rich and successful because they see me on the news. Jewish people pride themselves on being rich and successful. It's OK that you've done the pornography as long as you were successful with it. They don't seem to be judgmental." Luke: "It depends on how religious the Jew. The more religious, the more judgmental." Mary: "Christians are very open arms, forgiveness. If I came to a temple, would people be open-arms, forgiveness, hugs and kisses like they are in church?" Luke: "No. Jews aren't as much into love and forgiveness." Mary: "They're more into money?" Luke: "They're more pragmatic." Mary: "Harold would fit in as a Jew because he's not loving and he cares about money a lot. I always say, 'Isn't it more important to have love?' He says, 'No, I want to have money.' "Christians say that love is all that matters. My Jewish friends say that money is all that matters." Mary: "Do other girls make you laugh as much?" Luke: "No." Mary: "When you call me, you know you're going to laugh. Then you're going to be exhausted after talking to me." Luke: "Yeah." Mary: "Everyone feels exhausted after talking to me. I don't understand it. Is it because I talk too much? Switch subjects a lot?" Harold: "If I'm going to be in a relationship, I have to feel that I'm being compensated for it. If we were to break up next week, what would I have to show for this relationship?" Luke: "Nothing." Harold: "She's not a good girlfriend, because every time she's away from me she's always talking about hot guys are. She'll say, 'If Harold wasn't with me, I'd ---- this guy.' "Fine. If you want to have a relationship like that, bring some girls home. Let me ---- another girl. "I help her with her website. I'm not allowed to look at another girl's website. I'm not allowed to look at a porno." Mary says she dated NBA player Eddie Griffin. "He used to fly me and Tawny to Houston, etc, to hang out with him. "He could've had a great career. He was [taken number] seven in the draft. But he smoked marijuana and would stay up until 4 a.m. drinking. He'd miss practice. I said to him, 'You could have such a wonderful career if you didn't party.' "I thought he was getting things together but judging by this article, I don't think he has. "That's what happens when you give a 23 yo NBA player millions of dollars." Suit: NBA Player Watching Porn, Drunk Before Crash
7/26/06 Mary calls me Wednesday afternoon. "I always thought my dad was dead. When I was 16, my grandparents were raising me, Harold, could turn down the music? I'm trying to talk on the phone." Harold: "No. You talk on the phone all the time." Mary: "I got an email from my dad. It turns out he's still alive. It turns out I have an Aunt Sheila, my dad's sister. "My mom told me he was dead because she hadn't heard anything from him. My grandparents had custody of me and took me to Florida. "Someone must've told him I was his daughter. I wonder if my dad jerked off to me. My grandfather died when I was 16. "The only thing I remember about my dad is that he had a speech impediment. He's mentally handicapped. When he was born, he was pulled out with tongs, which twisted his brain. "He was married to my mom for a year. My [maternal] grandparents did not like my mom being married to my dad. He drank a lot. They didn't like my mom being married to someone more handicapped than her. "They were scared when she got pregnant with me. They had just gotten done with raising one handicapped daughter and they were afraid they were going to have another one. "I don't know I can carry on a phone conversation with him. Maybe his sister can translate. "My mother was adopted by my grandparents. I think she has fetal alcohol syndrome. They have her as a schizophrenic. That's what she takes medication for. Maybe slight autism." 7/27/06 Mary Carey Talks To Her Father For First Time In Over A Decade Mary spoke to him through his sister. Her father has a severe speech impediment. Mary tells me Thursday afternoon, July 27: "I couldn't stop crying. Harold videotaped me. We put it on speaker phone because we knew it was something we should capture. Part of me feels betrayed my grandparents. When I was a little kid, I was afraid of him. He has cerebral palsy. "He was the first four kids. No one else has any problems. "He works as a janitor at a hospital. He likes to go bowling. He's been wanting to see me for so many years. "I overnighted him a letter with some shots of me. "I told Howard Stern about my dad. They want me to reunite with him on air. They called him up and his sister calls me: 'How could you do that? He's been made fun of all his life.' I said, 'Howard's not going to make fun of him.' "When I think about how people make fun of my mom and my dad, how they talk, how they can't do normal basic things... I sit there and spend money on hair extensions and botox and he would give anything to speak properly. He can't go anywhere. "It makes me think how shallow I am, and how shallow Hollywood is...and what a bad little girl I was when I was scared of him because he couldn't speak. "My mother lives alone (on little money), which I'm scared to do. She's happy when someone doesn't make fun of her for one day. "My aunt wanted to know what I was doing. I said I had done some stuff for Playboy TV and I ran for governor of California. I must've sounded delusional. She must've thought, 'This girl is retarded too.' "Today she said to me, 'I found out some things you've done. I'm not going to tell your dad. I don't want to hurt him. He has a twelve year old mentality.' "I've never had to deal with the family and the porn thing. I've only had my mom. My grandparents are dead. "Now I finally have a family. For a day they didn't know what I did. Now they do. "I can't stop crying." Mary gets off the phone because she's crying so hard. Harold takes over. Then Mary comes back. "I hate being so smart that I can psychologically analyze everything to the level I can. If I was like a friend of mine who's pregnant and an adult star, I wouldn't even have these thoughts. I know that other [porn] girls I've hung out with couldn't take these things to the level of analyzation." 8/31/06
Mary Carey With Her Protege Erica Alba Mary and Erica called me Monday. Mary said she had broken up with her longtime boyfriend Harold. She claimed he beat her and robbed her. I call Harold Wednesday. He says Mary is looking into escort work and that she's doing coke. Mary says no. She says Harold is doing coke. I call Harold around 5 p.m. Aug 30. Luke: "How do you feel about Mary Carey?" Harold: "I hate her. She lost her little noodle. Her brain has gone dead. She got too clingy, too dependent on me. I did a couple of disappearing acts on her recently. She didn't like it. She peed and ruined all my clothes when we were on the East Coast. She threw away all my identification, credit cards, so I was stuck in Providence, Rhode Island. "She's back doing drugs -- a little bit of cocaine. She pops tons of xanax pills. She's been drinking like crazy. "I looked at some of her email messages. A lot of porn stars are promiscuous but she's very promiscuous. She thinks she can get what she wants by showing guys her body. She has about five guys throughout the country booking her flights so they can buy her things [he believes] in exchange for sex. She's inquiring about escorting. She told me that if she's not going to be with me, she's going to be a full-on whore. "Mary wonders about porn stars trying to act classy when they take cum shots on the face the next day. But there's a certain level of etiquette necessary in every day life and she doesn't have it. She's a loose cannon. She's a liability. "I thought I was different. I thought she would change for me. I thought I was special for her. Part of the way she manipulates people is to make them feel that they are special, that she will change for them, but everything she does is for herself. "She's hanging out with Tawny Roberts and partying and she's not taking care of business." Luke: "Mary says you hit her and took her money?" Harold says no. "A few times I hit her, but never bad. It was always in self-defense when she loses it and starts whaling on me. She plays that abused porn star role. She plays everybody. She'll call me up and say, 'Harold, I'm willing to give everything up for you.' "She drinks so much and parties so hard because she's so insecure with herself." I call Mary and chat with Tawny Roberts, who says: "I hate being pregnant. I can't drink hard liquor." Tawny does not want Mary to get back with Harold. Mary takes the phone: "The last couple of nights, guys have been buying me dinner and then buying me breakfast. It's nice to be with people buying me stuff and not paying for two." Erica says Harold was asking for coke and disappeared to go look for some. Mary calls Harold, put it on speaker phone, and yells at him for suggesting she's taking cocaine and considering escort work.
9/1/06 Tawny Roberts, Erica Alba Buy Matching Juicy Jumpsuits Thursday And dump Mary Carey as their friend. I call Mary Friday afternoon. Mary: "Tawny Robert, Erica Alba and I hung out in my hotel room [Wednesday afternoon] after we spoke to you. We were up until 6 a.m. partying. Tawny wanted to hire a limo for $600 a day. I said no. Tawny got mad at me. 'Mary, why do we have to do what you want to do all the time?' "I said, 'I have to go to Legend to have a meeting. I have to get a facial. I have to get my hair done. "She gets mad at me. She said, 'Is Erica your new Tawny? Are you going to replace me with her?' "I said, 'No. Tawny, I love you. But slow down the drinking and the partying.' "They get in the town car to go to Legend. Tawny's drinking beers and champagne [while seven months pregnant]. She just thinks she can't drink hard liquor. "Tawny and Erica go to the mall while I go to the hair salon. Tawny took Erica on a $3,000 shopping spree. They came out of the mall in matching outfits screaming, 'We hate Mary Carey.' "The two of them said I was talking about them behind their back. They teamed up and left me. They went back to the Mondrian and drank and said, 'We hate you, Mary.' Tawny was calling me and saying 'F--- you.' All they do is text-message me mean things. 'I hear you told David [Tawny's boyfriend] I was having Marvin's [Tawny's previous man] boyfriend.' "Erica's got my Louis Vutton purse. They won't respond to me. "Tawny's baby's daddy David in New York has been calling me. I've been ignoring his calls. I called him up. 'Your little girl is here drinking and partying.' "He cancelled her American Express card." David's flying into L.A. Friday night. "I just want to know what caused them to snap on me," says Mary Friday afternoon. "I flew Erica out here first-class. I was going to help her have a career." 11/16/06 Mary Carey Parties With N'Sync's Chris Kirkpatrick & Orlando Magic's Dwight Howard Picture of Mary Carey with Chris Kirkpatrick (Mary emailed it to her ex-boyfriend Harold). Mary Carey goes to the Magic game. I call Mary Thursday morning. Her voice is wrecked from too much drinking and not enough sleeping. "I've missed four flights. I'm stuck in Florida. "I went back to Chris Kirkpatrick's house. I got myself in a sticky situation because I mentioned where Chris Kirkpatrick lives. Dwight Howard just showed up at the door [at 4 a.m.]. "Say hi to my mom." Mary's mom: "Hi Luke." Luke: "How are you feeling?" Mom: "Pretty good." Mary tells her assistant Amelia: "Tell Luke everything. Every detail. "Oh, wait, Luke, did you see my nominations?" "No." "Crossover star of the year. Contract performer of the year." Amelia: "She'd been drinking. We were supposed to get up at 5 a.m. to make it back to Fort Lauderdale for our flight. I couldn't wake Mary up. "Dwight Howard came over with one of his friends. Mary stranded him. She didn't want Chris to be mad at her and didn't want Dwight to be mad at her. She was talking to both. "Dwight came over and didn't know anybody but Mary. She left him in the front hallway. 'Amelia, keep him busy while I go see if Chris is mad.' "Dwight seemed really shy. He was texting on his cell phone. He definitely wasn't mad. Everybody involved was just confused. She was telling people's secrets. She was telling me to run over and ask Chris this and that. "Chris didn't think it was a good idea for Dwight to come over at 4 a.m. when we had to leave at 5 a.m. "At 5 a.m., Mary was passed out. She wouldn't wake up. "She got all decked out for the Magic game. We had to go to Will-Call to pick up our tickets. She just asked Dwight for tickets [a couple of hours before the game]. She said, 'If it's seventh row or above, I'm not going to stay.' "Our tickets were on the 100 level, row W, the the third-to-last row. She was pissed off. She's used to getting courtside tickets. "We sat down near the floor and then the season-ticket holders came in the middle of the second quarter and we had to leave. Mary caused a scene. 'These tickets were given to me by Dwight Howard.' The head of security came over and said, 'I don't really care. Sit where you are supposed to sit.' "We ended up leaving, which was stupid because we got tunnel passes for after the game and meet all the players. But she was too embarrased to sit in row W for the second half. "She says that Chris feels she disrespected his home by inviting over someone he didn't know. But everyone in Orlando loves Dwight Howard." Luke: "How are you holding up?" Amelia: "I feel like all my days are running together. She expects me to stay awake while she does and she's up all hours. The last six days, she's gotten three hours of sleep total. She wants me to not sleep and to get up and drive back to Fort Lauderdale and then party with her." 11:47 a.m. Mary calls back. "Luke, so much more to tell you but we were with my mom. "I was also nominated for Best Sex Comedy. I called up Legend to see if I could get some congratulations on my nominations and they were too busy to talk to me. It took me two days to get a mazal tov out of Jack [one of the two owners]. "Amelia and I partied with Dwight Howard in Orlando. It was called, 'Nomination, Domination, Celebration.'" Amelia: "Mary has been taking lots of laxatives. We were in these hillbilly bars in Tennessee and she'd have to ----. "This guy said to Mary, 'We don't think you're cute.' All of a sudden, she went from normal to psychopath. She took all this food and drink and threw this coffee table. "She picks up a frying pan and chases this guy with it. She picks up a guitar and swings it. 'Who's that motherf----- who says I wasn't cute?' She smashes it into the wall and shatters the guitar. "They wanted $1,000 for the guitar. Mary starts crying. 'You can have all my money," she says. She only had $400. "She wrote up a contract that she'd pay the money. "The cops show up. Mary talks and talks and talks, making all these false accusations. "We got back to the hotel. Mary didn't sleep the rest of the week. "She told Chris that she had a surprise for him. She put on this jungle outfit. He has a stripper pole room in his house. She goes out to find Chris. There's a full party out there. They go, 'Chris had to go to a baby shower.' She was in an outfit for no reason like a retard. "Mary and I were drinking all day. We were in the hot tub. Mary didn't think she was on her period but she was bleeding everywhere. Mary wouldn't wear a tampon." Mary defecates in the hot tub. Amelia: "These guys found Mary's clothes and there was ---- all over them." Mary: "Joey Fatone [of N'Sync] came to the party. I told him, 'You f---ed two of my friends [Kendra Jade and Jessica Jaymes].' "Later, someone said to me, 'Aren't you friends with Chyna?' Yeah. 'Make that three.' "Kendra and Jessica are fine but Chyna's scary. "When Dwight [Howard] showed up, I didn't know what to do because
I thought he was a very good Christian. "He's like, 'My dad's at my house.' "I talked to Tawny [Roberts]. The baby's coming out in two weeks. She's had no complications. "I've been forwarding a lot of my pictures to Harold. My Dwight pictures. He used to make fun of me. 'You've only hooked up with loser players.'" "I feel like Legend is trying to trick me into an extra boy-girl scene." Luke: "Are you promiscuous?" Mary: "No. Never. I'm a good girl." "AMELIA! We're going to Kevin Federline's." 11/22/06 Mary calls Wednesday afternoon. "I'm going to do a number two while I'm on the phone with you." "I got bumped from my flight because they thought I was drunk." "People tell me that if I get my lips bigger, I'll start looking silly. Everyone at Legend and on set was telling me not to do it. I want to get more botox but I missed my appointment. "Monday night, I was with a guy and he wanted to use a condom and I said, no, no, no, I can prove to you that I don't have an STD. We can go to this website where I have four years of tests and I've never come up positive." 12/13/06 Mary Carey - Dwight Howard Update We talk on the phone Wednesday morning. Mary: "We're talking. We're still friends. I'm saving my conversations with him because I saw on one of the websites that he said, yes, he did leave me tickets but he denied coming over. I didn't like that. "I went to his game with the Clippers and I wore a white fur coat and a big cross. The whole team was looking at me. During a time-out, he looked over at me and I held up the cross and he shook his head and laughed. He's super-religious." Luke: "Have you guys had sex?" Mary: "No. Maybe we never will because he's so Christian. He's taught me a lot about the Bible. He has me read different Bible verses. Amelia and I will sit in the hotel room when I feature dance and discuss it with him on Instant Messenger." Luke: "How's Amelia holding up?" Mary: "She quits every day." "That's AVN on the other line. Shall I keep talking to you? Yeah. I can call them back." "Tawny's [Roberts] having contractions. She looks forward to going to basketball games again." "People are really dumb around here [Fort Lauderdale]. I can't stand stupid people. When you go down to Miami, it's like another country. People move really slow. People are lackadaisical. I get bored. I've always got to be doing something." 1/23/06 Mary calls Tuesday morning. "Do you know what pisses me off? People thought I was on drugs at the AVN show. I wasn't on drugs. I'm naturally hyper-active. I know what I'm doing all the time. I know when I'm being a goofball and when I'm making an ass of myself for PR. You know that I know what I'm doing. "It's like the people who think you're scary. I pretend to be f---ed up. I pretend to be crazy. There are a lot of things I keep secret. But I know what makes movies sell -- talking to you and telling the truth. As dumb as I sound, I'm smart. But a lot of people just don't get it. But you get me." At the AEE show, Mary Carey told me that NBA player Dwight Howard said to her "Lose my number!" Mary says my posting that she kept records of her IM conversations with Dwight caused the end of their relationship. Carey was mad when Dwight publicly denied dropping his trousers in front of her in a bathroom (at the home of N'Sync musician Chris Kirkpatrick in November 2006) a few hours after an Orlando Magic game. Mary responded to the exposed Dwight that she thought he was really religious. With his weewee hanging out, Dwight giggled that he was not that religious. Mary: "The guy I'm dating goes by 'Evil Jared.' He's in a group called the Bloodhound Gang. He wrote a song about Chasey Lain a few years ago. He told me they gave her $6,000 to show up to a music video shoot and she didn't show up. He says she was busy chasing someone around for $150. "I met him on the Howard Stern Show. "It turns out he's half black. He didn't tell me because he thought I wouldn't boink him. He's 6'5. We get along except he brought me to this NAM convention for musicians. He had me meet people. I was wasted. I was spitting everywhere. "I'm not really dating him. I'm f---ing him." July 12, 2007 The high concept of this new TV show is to send eight celebrities to rehab. I chat with Mary Thursday afternoon. She had a complete physical and psychological examination Wednesday, including the long MMPI test. Mary's moderated her drinking. She says she only had four drinks at Tuesday night 'Captivity' party. She's annoyed that her Morgan Creek publicist friend who got her into the party told her it started at 10 p.m. When she arrived at 10:15, the red carpet was over and there weren't many photographers. "I have a really good memory, especially for cameras and publicity." So her publicist friend looked around the party for a photographer and found me. "Luke, I can't tell you everything anymore because boys who like me look me up and think I'm crazy." July 31, 2007 I call Mary Tuesday morning. Her message says she will be unable to answer her phones for the next few weeks. I assume that means she's in rehab. Steve York posts to this Howard Stern listener thread: Dear Howard and company;
It's too bad that porn drives away some of our most creative minds. August 2, 2007 12:10 p.m. Mary calls (audio). "You're a f---ing asshole." Luke: "What?" Mary: "You act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I have let you get away with a lot of s---, and I kept my mouth shut about a lot of s---, but I cannot f---ing believe you. You really stepped over the line this time. I mean, I thought you were my friend. I don't know why I would think that. You've obviously proved otherwise. You are a f---ing prick. And you know what? Addiction is a disease, you asshole. If you're so f---ing educated, why don't you go look it up?" She hangs up. A few minutes later, she posts on XPT:
Whoops. I was having an acid flashback. That was Holly a few months ago. She tends to be excitable, which is why I had to break up with her and take up with Mary Carey instead. Mary is more stable than Holly. She's more open to my Jewish values. She's more calm and other-directed. Life with Holly was a whirlwind of drama but my intimacy with Mary has been like a candle in the wind, never knowing who to turn to when the rain set in. I was moved by Mary's call (audio) Thursday. Mary: "I'm in rehab [since Monday]." Luke: "Truly?" Mary: "Didn't you read those other gossip sites like tmz?" Luke: "How's it going?" Mary: "Great. So much fun." Luke: "Do they have all the cameras there?" Mary: "I have no comment." Luke: "You sound different. You sound more calm and mellow and centered." Mary: "It must be the meds." Luke: "How long are you going to be in there?" Mary: "A little while. A couple of weeks." Luke: "Wankus on his show last week said you'd called him wanting to host a wild party at his place with cocaine and booze?" Mary: "I probably did. I had to go out with a bang." "I don't need meds right now. They're announcing med time. Does anybody need meds?" This is Carey's first time in rehab. "It's fun. It wouldn't be so fun if I didn't have a good group of people with me." "There are no TVs. Cell phones are in and out. No internet. It makes you get to know people. I've got two great roommates." Luke: "Are you learning anything?" Mary: "Yeah, I'm learning a lot. Alcoholism is a disease. I happen to have it. I can't have a couple of drinks. No alcohol. It's genetics. I'm part Indian on my dad's side. You know how Indians are prone to alcoholism." Luke: "What about the higher power stuff?" Mary: "The what?" Luke: "God." Mary: "We do that when we do our meditation in the morning." I have another quick chat with Mary Thursday evening before her cell phone is taken away. August 9, 2007 2:33 p.m. Audio Luke: "Mary!" Mary: "Lukie Pookie." Luke: "How's your rehab coming along?" Mary: "Great. I'm learning a lot." Luke: "What are you learning?" Mary: "The first step is to admit you're powerless to alcohol... To list the different ways alcohol has ruined you. ...You have to list examples of insane behavior... As I'm writing it down, whoa, a lot of problems due to alcohol." Luke: "Do you honestly think you could do porn scenes if you weren't doing drugs or alcohol?" Mary: "Not sure yet." "A lot of the therapies -- art therapy, music therapy -- brings out the kid in you. You realize how happy you can be sober. I'm enjoying the friendships I'm building with different people here. "I'm getting ready to probably go to sober living after here." Luke: "Have you had any sex since you've been there?" Mary: "Nope. No sex." Luke: "Any scenes?" Mary: "Nope. We're not allowed to. "It's not even on my mind. We have a lot to read. I'm writing a lot of journals. Meetings. It's fun to get to know the people here. I realize that I haven't sat and gotten to know a lot of people sober." "I've met someone here who's going to be my acting coach. Another girl here runs a mainstream agency. Her mom's a manager. "Dr. Drew [Loveline] is an amazing doctor. You can't get better." Luke: "Why do you think you drink?" Mary: "That's like a lot of things. You'll have to watch and find out. I don't know how much I can say. I'm mic'd right now. I save my cell phone usage." "This is the longest I've been sober in a long time [ten days, she'll be in until Aug. 19]. "We get up at 7:30 every day." "I always thought that when people said that alcoholism is a disease, that it was an excuse." Luke: "You're going to have to change all your friends if you want to stay sober." Mary: "I might be able to still hang out with people who drink." Luke: "What finally convinced you to go to rehab?" Mary: "I can't say that. I'm mic'd." "Drinking makes me an asshole." Luke: "What percentage of your scenes were done under the influence of drugs or alcohol?" Mary: "The last year and a half. I didn't really do that before. Once in a while. I didn't drink until after I ran for governor." "I had a little accident with my car right before I came in. Being drunk, I decided to open the car door in the middle of an intersection and the door got smooshed. That was definitely a wake-up call that I needed to change." Luke: "Has God spoken to you?" Mary: "Not yet." "I cry every day. I'm an emotional girl." |
