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Crystal Klein Interview
I call her in Hawaii Tuesday afternoon, February 8, 2005.
She is Penthouse magazine's Miss
March, 2005 and the best known Austrian artist since a little nipper
by the name of Adolph tried took the country by storm with his lightning
techniques (check out his composition and form) about 68-years ago.
Here are some pictures of Crystal from Rob Spallone's Penthouse video
shoot December 29, 2004: Crystal
Crystal
Crystal
Crystal
Crystal
Crystal,
Dani Crystal,
Dani, Charmane Star Crystal,
Dani Woodward, Charmane
[Crystal writes: "I HATE those pics you took of me at the Penthouse
video shoot! I look like a hundred year old granny with three inches
of make up on.No one ever took such bad pictures of me. I must say you
are quite untalented as a photographer. You better stick to writing!"]
I spent much of Friday night (Jan 7) and Saturday morning (Jan 8) with
Crystal and her surfer boyfriend as we each worshipped in our own way
at the Central Bar at the Venetian and the New Beginnings ballroom.
You can only imagine Crystal's delight when she heard my Aussie-accented
tones on her telephone this afternoon. Her heart leapt with joy as she
anticipated our intellectual journey.
The last time she had known such wild ecstacy was when she posed naked
for photographer Robert Gordon.
Luke: "When you were a little girl, what did you want to be when
you grew up?"
Crystal laughs. English is her second language after German and she
speaks it with a British accent similar to her boyfriend's.
[She writes later: "Well, second language is a bit exaggerated
but I guess you could say so. I learned it in school but that doesn't
count really (it is pathetic what you learn). I really learned it two
years ago when I moved here [Maui]... Speaking a language is always
the best way to learn it...Oh, and the language "Austrian" does not
really exist. My actual mother tongue is German, but I guess you could
say the difference between German German and Austrian German is like
British and American English. I speak Italian too. I have relatives
there."]
"Adult model was far away from my imagination. I want to be, how
do you say it, a philosophist?"
Luke: "A philosopher."
Crystal: "Yes."
Luke: "Why did you want to be a philosopher?"
Crystal: "I was always introverted and I had weird thoughts going
on. I consider myself quite clever."
We laugh.
[Crystal writes later: "Funny twist there with your 'English is
her second language' and then my 'philosophist' and then my 'I consider
myself clever.' Next time I'll prepare myself for talking to you, hehe...
That's not gonna happen again!"]
Crystal: "When I was young, I thought I was some kind of genius,
and I thought, that's the right profession for me. My mom studied philosophy.
I knew a lot about it. I obviously thought I was really really clever..."
My childhood thoughts about myself were similar.
Crystal: "The older I got, the more I knew you have to be super
clever [to be a philosopher]. I know it sounds weird, but I have diary
entries where I wrote, 'I'm so different from all the others. I think
so differently. But maybe one day that will be for my advantage. I'll
be a great philosopher."
Luke: "Which philosopher was your hero?"
Crystal: "Kant, Schopenhauer and Descartes. None of the old Greek
ones."
Crystal grew up in Austria but left when she was 20 for Hawaii where
she met her English surfer boyfriend.
Luke: "What did your family expect you to become?"
Crystal: "Everyone expected me to study. We are an academic family.
My parents are both teachers."
According to her Penthouse spread:
"I studied psychology at the University of Vienna [for two years]
and got burned out. My whole life was school. I knew there was so
much more for me to experience outside of class.
"I'm not like a lot of models," adds 34-25-35 Crystal.
"I don't crave celebrity. I can be a party girl, but I'd much
rather spend my time reading, playing piano, or enjoying the company
of a good man.
"In my opinion, the secret to great sex is not technique. It's
about making a connection with your partner. If I click with a man,
everything else just slides into place."
As Crystal talked to me, she felt like she was riding a great wave,
she was cresting a thought that had overpowered her entire being.
"I did enjoy studying psychology. I did not enjoy where I was
[Vienna] and where I was studying. I always felt like I had to get out
of Austria and I always knew I would."
Luke: "How did you come to start posing naked?"
Crystal laughs: "That's always a weird one, isn't it? When I moved
to Maui [January 2003], I took some time off because I was burned out
from university. Then the money issue came up obviously. I didn't feel
like going back to Vienna to continue studying.
"So I said, what the hell, let me see if I can do modeling. I
started with swimsuit modeling. There was this guy. He's a real asshole
and scumbag. I didn't know [he was]. He took the first nude pictures
of me. He's not even a real photographer. He's still around on the island,
still doing his thing. Chuck Turner. He photographs girls for all the
amateur contests in the magazines like Hustler's Beaver Hunt.
"I didn't know any better. I had never done nude modeling before.
But I picked it up quickly. Then an agent (John Stephens from Matrix
Models) discovered me on the Internet. I flew to LA and I got shot by
Suze Randall, Earl Miller, Stephen Hicks and so on."
Luke: "How has posing naked affected your views on philosophy?"
Crystal, long pause: "Well, quite a lot, I guess. I have no problem
with what I am doing. But I am aware that's just because you get real
used to it. Once you've done it, you can do it again because you've
done it and you say, oh well, that's not so bad. Then you do it again
and you just get used to it.
"I do know that it is kind of a contradiction in a lot of ways
from what I thought earlier. But as you grow older, your views change.
"I'm not saying that I am ok with everything that goes on in the
industry and that I am 100% nude model. I'm not a feminist obviously.
I couldn't be with what I am doing. But I understand their point of
view as well.
"I am definitely going back to school [as soon as she can afford
it]. It's hard for me right now because I am not a resident and I can't
afford it without major changes in my lifestyle. When I become a citizen
or a resident, then definitely go back to studying. I know that is what
I am going to do when I am older. I am not going to do this forever."
Luke: "Are you going back to study psychology?"
Crystal: "For sure."
I get an email from Lainie Speiser, Penthouse publicist.
Luke: "Huh."
Crystal: "Huh, what?"
[Crystal writes later: "Oh, now I figured out that long awkward
pause before you asked me if I wanted to be a psychotherapist! Lainie!
Yeah, she called me right afterwards and complained about you. I enjoyed
that quite a lot heheh. Yep, you are in trouble! I told her I've known
you from before and that I don't have a problem with it. I couldn't
prevent myself from saying that you are a psychopath."]
Damn, she's caught me. Women can do that. They know when you are not
concentrating on them. When you are not listening.
Trying to cover myself, I say: "I was just wondering..."
I search my mind for a coherent question. "What direction you
would go. So..."
A long pause. I try to put together my question and digest Lainie's
email. "Do you want to be a psychologist or do you want to, uh...?"
Can't go wrong with that, I figure.
Crystal: "Yes, I want to be a psycho-therapist."
Luke, reading another Lainie email, breaths out. "Ok."
Crystal: "Not a psycho-analyst."
Luke, trying to figure out how to reply to Lainie: "Not a psycho-analyst?"
Crystal: "Nope."
Luke types out a quick email to Lainie.
Luke: "So..."
Luke hits send.
"What struck you? What got your attention during your time in
Las Vegas at the [porn] convention?"
Crystal: "What I view as the main problem in the whole industry
is that everything becomes normal for everyone. I don't want that to
happen to me. I don't condemn the porn chicks for what they're doing,
but I can see how it works. They live in their own world. It's a porn
world where it all gets normal. They don't see from the outside anymore.
Most of them hang out with other porn people. They really do view themselves
as stars. I think that's sad. What have they achieved? It's not something
they can be totally proud of if you suck someone's cock.
"What I'm doing is a good job. It's good money. I'm comfortable
with what I'm doing. I am aware that it is not something that I would
go out in the world and say, 'Oh, look at me. I'm so great. I did this
and that.' But if you spend too much time in the industry with certain
people you tend to think like that."
Luke: "I take it you are not looking forward to winning an AVN
award one day?"
Crystal laughs: "No. It's not one of my goals."
I get another email from Lainie. I pause to read it and go with a fallback
question: "How would the people who know you really well describe
your personality?"
Crystal: "They know that I'm introverted. I can be outgoing but
I am someone who spends a lot of time alone. I need my own space. I
need very few friends. I know a lot of people but I don't let many people
get close. I read a lot. I need that time to relax when I am on my own
because it really drains me being with people all the time. If I go
to Las Vegas, it's fun for a day or two but I can't do it for a week
in a row.
"I can enjoy partying once in a while. Once a month. Don't really
enjoy it. Other than that, I enjoy being in my own little world."
Luke: "What are the best books you've read lately?"
Crystal: "There are two that I really like (Going
Down, High Maintenance) by Jennifer Belle. I told you about them
before. Her books are very sarcastic and very realistic. It's black
humor. It makes me laugh out loud."
Luke: "I've been trying to think of some Austrian jokes but I've
come up empty.
"Who's your favorite Austrian artist?"
Crystal: "There are no amazing artists anymore. Mozart is cool."
Luke: "And that painter named Adolph."
Crystal: "Oh yes. I'm not really proud of that one. Most people
think he's German. They don't know he was born in Austria."
3/1/05
Gene Ross writes:
Klein said she didn't have a boyfriend at the moment.
Klein, who said she was a pretty horny girl, asked how she got into
the business. She said it was a long story. "Start with the abuse,"
Stern told her. "There's no abuse, I'm sorry," she replied.
"Were you raped by a horse? Something had to happen,"
said Stern.
Reading from her biography, Stern noted that Klein suffers
from depression and has been on anti-depressants since the age of 16.
"That's hot," he said. "You're all kooky."
Stern gathered from the way she talked that Klein was
mentally ill. She didn't disagree. "That's hot," he said.
"Austria is pretty boring," said Klein. "There's no
hot guys, either." Stern suspected that if he bent Klein over she wouldn't
need anti-depressants.
"Hitler's from Austria - he was hot," said Artie Lange.
Stern asked Klein if she hated the Jews. "Of course not," she said."In
Austria they hate the Jews," said Stern. "There's no Jews left. Austrians
hate Jews. They're some of the top Jew haters in the world."
Stern was curious what kind of drugs she was on. "What
happens if you skip, are you all bummed out?" Klein said she tried to
stop last summer. "Everything just made me cry - everything just got
to me."
Stern suggested they could play Nazi and Jew, that she'd love that.
"Hunt me down."
Stern then had Klein strip, telling her that if she left him mess
around with her, he'd tell her where the rest of the Jews were hiding.
As Klein began playing, Stern hummed a tune about her being his naked
Nazi girl, "genetically pure and Aryan white."
3/20/06
Crystal
Klein and her fiance Rich have been staying with Holly since last
Thursday.
Hobbling up the steps, carrying dogfood, Holly hands over the phone
to Crystal.
Luke: "Is Holly getting you high every day?"
On New Year's Eve, Holly got Crystal high and the poor girl was knocked
out for hours and had a split headache. Holly is a heavy stoner and
so she was barely buzzed.
Crystal says she's not getting high this trip.
Luke: "Has she cooked for you?"
Crystal: "No."
Crystal's annoyed that I labelled a bunch of photos of Jamie Lynn in
Las Vegas as "Crystal Klein."
Luke: "All you hos blur together."
Crystal: "Between Holly and me, who do you think was the bulldyke
and who was the lipstick lesbian?"
Crystal claims that the members of her website crystalklein.com know
"I'm smart. I have smart members, if you can say about members
of a porn site. They're smart. They're not working class. They respect
me."
Luke: "They respect you for what?"
Crystal: "For being smart.
"There's no bad talking on my message boards.
"You've wrecked Holly for me.
"If you knew what I know about you. She broke you. I know what
you called her in bed. Your morals have changed."
Luke: "That's her fault. She made me use language in bed that
I have never used before. I've never degraded a woman in bed before
or pulled her hair or called her degrading names and made her do degrading
things. I've never slapped a woman before or bit her."
I am shocked and appalled that my most private confidences with Holly
have been violated. I just don't feel safe anymore having emotionally
unprotected sex.
Crystal: "I love it, Luke. Call me something dirty."
Luke: "I can't. I'm never going there again. It's not my true
self."
Crystal: "That is your true self and you're just shocked about
that."
Luke: "I am never going to act like that again."
Crystal: "Yes you are. If Holly said, 'Come on over. Slap me in
the face and call me a whore.'"
Luke: "I would say no. 'I am distancing myself because this is
not what God wants for our lives.'
"You think I'm driven by my penis? That if Holly gave me the time
of day, I'd be over there trying to stick it inside of her?"
Crystal laughs. "You're talking dirty already."
Luke: "I was trying to make a moral point about the degradation
of women in our society and how I am opposed to it."
Crystal: "I should write a story about you. It's fascinating.
I want to bring in my point of view.
"I am not as dirty as Holly but I'm certainly dirtier than you."
Luke: "Holly is a dirty little whore."
Crystal: "You just said it again."
Luke: "I don't like using that language. It's not the real me."
Crystal: "If you haven't used that language before does not mean
it is not the real you.
"You strike me as the type of guy who restrains himself.
"Come on my couch. I'm going to help you. I've helped a lot of
people. I'm really clever when it comes to that. I have a lot of empathy.
I get people. I just need to find out a little bit more about you."
Luke: "Would you help me be the true man that I know I can be?"
Crystal: "Can you not be sarcastic for once?"
Luke: "Can you explain Holly to me?"
Crystal: "Yes, I could, but not right now."
4/20/06
Penthouse Pet Crystal
Klein Counsels Photographer Holly
Randall
Crystal
writes to Holly's blog entry about pushing people away:
Holly, I don't claim to know you from the inside out, but spending
a little bit of time at your place now and again, I got at least a
little insight into what makes you tick.
There is something positive about your desire to be alone most of
the time. You might be surprised, but the majority of people actually
have to learn that their very own presence can (or rather should be)
enough. Why? Because it means no distraction. No distraction from
your thoughts, no distraction from your real desires, no distraction
from asking this very question you are asking here: "who am I?"
I've got a couple of friends who are indcredibly jubilent and bubbly
99% of the time, and I used to envy them for it, wondering how the
hell they do it. Until I realised that they are only able to feel
that way when around people. Don't get me wrong, they don't wear a
mask or pretend, they really are happy in social circumstances; however,
on the rare occasion they find themselves alone, all hell breaks loose.
Every single time. How do I know that? Because I get desperate and
depressed phone calls from them only then.
And that's a comman phenomenon.
Being able to enjoy one's own company is one of the hardest things
to do. Take me for example: I love being all by myself, doing whatever
the hell I wanna do. I crave it whenever I've been around people for
only half a day. I just wanna get the hell out of there. It's emotionally
draining for me. I enjoy being on my own for the rest of the day,
but leave me alone for a few more days, and I become...how do I put
it... strange. I don't motivate myself to do anything, I won't leave
the house, I can't get the easiest daily routines done (my dishes
will sit in the sink until I get busted) and my creativity goes down
the toilet. Bottomline is: I still haven't learned to be my own best
friend and be content with my own company.
So, if you don't develop any of those symptoms above while being
alone, be insured you are a mile ahead of most people out there. They
might just not be aware of their problem because they avoid exposing
themselves to a situation where they really are on their own for a
while - for obvious reasons.
Now, as to why you seem to push people (and men in particular) away
most of the time, I obviously can't give you a right answer. However,
let's play with the following theory, even if I might be completely
wrong: first of all, you are obviously a very smart person. An intellectual
I dare to say. People like you tend to criticize and scrutinize every
little tiny detail about themselves...and more often than not, they
are not entirely happy with their analysis of themselves.
Although you would probably not ever want to be anyone else because
you know how smart, witty and talented you are, chances are that you
are also very aware of your flaws...and maybe, to a certain extent,
fear you are not as great as everyone thinks...or as you think yourself.
By letting someone into your life completely (and we are talking living
together), you risk sharing more of yourself than you could handle.
You fear you might have lived in an illusion and your guy will make
you discover that you are not as smart, or as witty, or as social,
or as stable, or as talented as everyone else perceives you.
Your comment about having been rejected only very few times seems
to support the case I am trying to make....because really, only those
that won't let people a in all the way, will not be rejected. Imperfections
don't surface, weaknesses are not shown, insecurities don't exist.
You are able to just show your strong sides....and who would reject
that?
God, have I been rejected a thousand times because of my real nature,
and damn is it hard for me to show the real me because of that. I
have pushed people away till I was 18, although all the guys adored
me, but because I couldn't risk having them find out that I might
not be as cool as I seem, I kept them at distance in order to be able
to continue to enjoy their endless admiration. Until my first boyfriend
broke my mold.
He had been after me for five full years, and adored me to an extent
that was almost ridiculous. I met him at 13 and had an immediate crush
on him. Until he confessed his endless love for me. Although I enjoyed
the following years of being pursued and adored by him tremendously,
I also felt...repulsion. I was asking myself why the hell he would
think of me so much when he didn't even know me. And I looked down
on him for feeling that way for someone....like me. To this day I
cannot believe that he got me in the end. I am unbelievably grateful
for that though. From feeling disgusted by a simple hug from him,
I went to appointing him the one to take my virginity...and to be
my first love.
I don't know exactly how it happened, all I know is that gradually
I let him in ( I had no choice, he was always around me), and by doing
so I also discovered that he still looked at me with the same adoration...although
he got to know everything that I always feared to share. And geez,
was that a freeing experience. Ever since then I have come to realise
that most people will love me even when they really, really know me.
And it has made me feel much better about myself. I have had my fair
share of rejection since then as well, but I'm glad I did. I wouldn't
have learned as much as I did about myself otherwise. So, I'm just
sharing this experience with you in order to maybe make you see yourself
in it at all....and maybe take something with you.
If you don't ever ever allow anyone in completely, you might never
experience that which you are searching for. Because you don't allow
it to happen. And you don't allow yourself to like everything you
are to the full extent. I would have never thought that I can spend
almost 24/7 with the same person...for almost 4 years now. The trick
is to give up everything you ever pretended to be, and let the other
person see you as you see yourself. Then, only then, will being around
someone for a large amount of time not evoke panic reactions, but
fill you with comfort. Because you can be everything you'd be if you
were on your own. Without being judged for funny habits or annyoing
flaws. It's quite an amazing thing.
Being around people is most of the time still exhausting for me.
I like it for a limited time, but I can only take so much. Why? Because
although they all perceive me as a socially skilled and emotionally
open person, deep inside I am not. But I wouldn't wanna come across
any other way. That's why it drains me. Because I can't let go and
be myself all the way in front of everyboday. And I don't have to
be. Because I am loved by those that really know me, and therefore
I've come to terms with the fact that at heart, I am a loner. And
so should you.
6/14/06
She writes (her website is www.crystalklein.com):
I am a centerfold. You could also say I am a nude, a glamour or an
adult model. Fine with me. In-your-face porn sites and tgps often
like to call me a pornstar, a pornographic model or an adult entertainer.
Not particularlly thrilled about that one.
If you fail to see the difference and wanna call it a mere play on
words, be assured you are not the only one. I don't even blame you.
There are far more important issues plageuing this planet that don't
get the attention they deserve, so I am certainly not claiming that
my personal ambivalent relationship with terms being used in the adult
industry is an incredibly urging matter. However, if you've got a
minute to spare, lean back in your chair and take a quick journey
into the world of someone who might make a living taking her clothes
off, but has neither ever done so in front of a male audience around
a dancer pole nor ever put a single foot onto the set of porn movie
- which makes me quite the alien for most who try to categorize anything
and anyone, and especially for those who watch the adult scene from
afar (the computerscreen, most likely).
Point is, that being thrown in one pot with all the many different
players running around on the huge field of "adult entertainment"
and consequently having to face prejudices and contempt where it sometimes
isn't accurate, can be draining at times - for me as well as so many
other successful and established softcore models like Aria Giovanni,
Jelena Jensen or Aimee Sweet.
I don't think any of the girls mentioned above (including myself)
ever dreamed of a career that partly consists being naked all over
magazines and the internet. I don't think any of us ever wanted to
be any kind of model. None of us were aiming at breaking into the
more "prestigious" scene of high fashion or trying to be the face
of a major cosmetic concern who - after failing miserably - desperately
tried to hold on to the last straw on the way to some kind of fame
and seeked comfort in the adult industry. Naw-aw. Not how it went
down. At all.
None of us is necessarily one to seak acknowledgement by being put
in the spotlight, although I will not deny that anyone working in
front of a camera (and I'm referring to any kind of entertainment
field) must have a certain amount of narcissism streaming through
their blood. Still, we didn't necessarily look for it. I guess you
can say we stumbled across the adult scene, so to speak. It was an
opportunity to make quite a bit of money in young years, and we took
it in order to get to where we wanted to be in later years (may it
be another career, a house, a family or all of them) WAY quicker.
I, for my part,.was an immigrant without an official permission to
work and without incredibly loaded parents willing to pay the ridiculous
amount of money it takes for a foreigner to study here in the United
States.
One might argue that I should have just continued studying in Austria
instead of leaving my very successful uni career behind just so I'd
end up taking my clothes off in front of the camera. Legitimate reasoning
in the right circumstances. Not in mine. I was extremely unhappy with
myself, the city, the general atmosphere surrounding me. It's hard
to describe what exactly it was...but if you've ever known the feeling
of "not fitting in", you kind of got my point.
Everytime I pictured myself finishing my degree there, buying a home
and raising my kids in the very environment that failed to make their
mother happy, my discomfort grew. I could have chosen a safe and predictable
life, risking having to grind down nagging "what if"- scenarios popping
into my mind again and again, and living with a rather persistant
compagnion of the unpromising name "regret" on my side till the end
of my days....
Well, long story short: I didn't. My happiness was and still is simply
more important to me than going the most comfortable and easiest path
when in turn I have to sacrifice my emotional well-being. I've seen
dozens of friends doing exactly that, afraid to break out of a familiar
comfort zone, afraid to leave certain commodities behind, afraid to
have to start anew without the parents' oh-so-comforting safety net....and
damn was I scared to do just that. However, I, for my part, knew I
had to do something. Well, we all know I ended up in Maui.
Most of you also know how and why I started as a nude model...I don't
really want to dwell on that, it has become quite a boring story for
me to tell over years of being asked the same question again and again;
be it in interviews, by friends or random people fascinated by the
adult market.
The point of this lil' monologue of mine is not to tell you how
I've become a centerfold, it's to explain how it feels to be one.
Having managed some models myself in the past and the present, I have
seen the same sequence of emotions again and again. I guess if there
was scale of typcial career syndromes, you'd classify the follwing
an inevitable classic. At the very, very beginning (probably even
before your first nude shoot) you question if this is gonna harm you
in any way at a later stage in life and you are very hesitant to just
go for it. It's not necessarily that you yourself have a problem with
nudity (I certainly didn't), but you are well aware that your hypocritical
environment with its double moral standards has.
So you are very private about it and don't tell a soul; out of insecurity,doubts,
fear of consequences and the shocked faces you are likely to encounter.
Once you have a couple of professional photoshoots in your pocket
and the first magazines are about to hit the newsstands, you are incredibly
excited. You have experienced how it feels to be treated like a princess,
what with all those stylists, make-up artists and photographer's assistants
buzzing around you with the only mission to make you look like a Sex-Goddess;
you have experienced all major glamour photographers standing in line
to be the next to shoot your pictures, and with a bam everyone seems
to know your name. Well, obviously not everyone at all. But once you've
entered what I call "the bubble", you are under the impression this
very bubble is the whole world. It's about to become your world from
the very moment you've chosen your stage name and have seen it printed
below your first centerfold layout.
Next thing you know, you feel like you are the hottest piece of ass
to ever walk this planet, and you feel like from now on you are capable
of just about ANYTHING, including saving the world and marrying Johnny
Depp. It's both funny and frustrating at the same time for me to watch
new gorgeous girls that have potential to be the next IT-girl of the
moment go through exactly this process every single time. No matter
how smart the girl is, no matter how well I try to prepare her for
what is coming next -warning her about this first enormous craze about
her persona -she is still gonna fall for it. It seems to be a deep-rooted
human trait to be so vulnerable to public attention, especially if
you have never been exposed to it before; and only few manage to see
the shallowness and perishability of it all in foreseeable time.
The majority in my biz is going to spend all the money they make
the first year, since it seems to just keep on flowing, and they are
going to be daydreaming about the three mansions they believe to be
buying very soon. All until the next gorgous face and pair of tits
comes along. Then it's time to wake up and face reality for the first
time. Jobs are getting rarer since everyone has shot you a gazillion
times and the demand for fresh meat never dies, and the cash flow
slowly decreases.
This is the turning point for a lot of centerfolds. Some might vanish
from the face of the earth, dropping out of the industry forever or
at least for a good amount of time, completely discouraged. As sad
as it sounds, you will find a lot of them behind some Mc Donalds counter
afterwards. Most, however, will refuse to give up their financial
freedom and their control of their working and pasttime hours. And
besides, you are kinda too deep into it not to make the most out of
it.
So, what is there left to do? The easiest, and most tempting option,
is the one that will guarantee you not only more jobs, but also more
money: going harder. Be it using toys, starting to do hardcore girl/girl
movies or going all the way straight into hardcore porn, boy meets
girl. Every single Playmate or Penthouse Pet with potential will be
asked to do one or the other at some point in her career. The challenge
is to say no and still be able to profit from an industry that you
might as well make use of, considering the very same industry didn't
hesitate to took advantage of you so far. Identifying and predefining
your options and boundaries is hereby the key, so save your energy
and focus for goals you can achieve realistically.
You need to be extremely strong willed in a male-dominated business
and be able to stand your ground at any time. Don't be afraid to say
no, don't be afraid to be called a prima-donna (a fav in the biz for
those who dare to speak spell out their own conditions) and most of
all don't be afraid to be the tough businesswoman you need to be -
you'll earn the respect you deserve. Danni Ashe did it, Aria Giovanni
did it, and so did the rest of us mentioned above.
Of course timing is always the key, and the later you got into this
game, the harder it is to hit it big in an entertainment world that
is flooded with "talent" these days. The ulitmate trick is to turn
your name into a brand and to find your own niche. Let the world know
you are not just a face and a body captured on film, but that you
are well capable of running a successful business.
You can say what you want, to be self-employed and financially independent
without ever overstepping your personal moral boundaries is not that
bad of a personal resume for a mid-twenty year old. Standing up for
yourself and declaring your limits to an industry that constantly
tries to tell you you can't make it in the adult market if you don't
go all the way, and proving them all wrong is an achievment that shouldn't
be underestimated. You need to be mentally pretty strong, as you can
probably imagine that prejudices are not uncommon for us to encounter...I
remember what a big commotion it caused in my home town when the first
newspapers wrote about me (although all of them in a positive and
rather "proud":way of their Austrian export) and how - when I came
back to visit - people would stare at me and whisper about me without
trying to hide it. To be honest, it never bothered me. If anything,
it amused me. I became the witness of the most absurd rumors concerning
my modeling career ( my business obviously went bankrupt and I had
to live on the street; and my fiance was a pornstar and forced me
into this business ), and I have to admit that leaving people in the
dark about the actual truth might have given me a bit of a...kick.
You can't help but find it immensely entertaining if the most talked
about topic in town for about half a year or longer is the private
and professional life of a nude model. I had to seriously wonder how
boring some people's lives had to be. All I ever cared about was what
my family and those that I loved thought about it - and although I
wouldn't have given up my job because of any possible disapproval
of any of them, I must say that I might have quit if people in my
home town would have given my family a hard time about it.
See, I didn't live there anymore, so I didn't care anyway, but my
family did, and I wouldn't have wanted them to endure any kind of
ostracizing or hassle from others on behalf of me. I firmly believe
that you should always keep in mind how your actions affect those
that you love and act accordingly. Luckily for all of us though, the
interest about my persona died soon after people at home realised
I wasn't some confused good-girl-gone-bad youngster, but I was in
it for the long run, with a calculated business plan - and my success
over the years must have silenced their sharp tongues. Anyway, despite
all those obstacles (and I'm sure my fellow model friends Aria, Aimee
or Jelena encountered similiar ones) we all turned things around and
made our name a brand that we ourselves not only profit from but that
we created by hard work, a strong business sense and yes, - brains.If
you talked to any of the girls I mentioned in person, you'd instantly
see for yourself that they are all very well-read, articulate and
expressive. In fact, those are some of the smartest girls I have ever
met. I continue to be impressed by how versatile, strong-willed and
ambitous they are. And as strange as it may sound considering we might
ver ywell represent a red flag to all feminists, they all embrace
their womanhood in a way feminists could not possibly disapprove of.
Not only doesn't any of us equate sexuality with beauty (and by all
means, there are miles between being physically pretty and feeling
sexy), but we all are perfectly comfortable in our bodies, never obsessing
about certain body parts or face features like so many other women
in and out of the spotlight do in an almost fanatical manner. Any
kind of enhancement of plastic surgery is out of question for us.
And that's not because we are in any way perfect, or human's answer
to barbie dolls. If you put all of us in a line next to each other,
you couldn't find women physically more different. Long and slim,
busty and voluptous, athletic and slender; brunette, blonde and red;
tan and pale - you'd find it all. Stereotypes don't exist for nude
models, therefore the harmful competitive urge that you find in so
many other entertainment fields among women ceizes to apply. We all
pull on the same string. Has male recognization made us as confident
with our sexuality and as comfortable in our bodies as we are? I cannot
completely deny that I was quite amazed by the effect nude pictures
of me had on the average male adult consumer (after all, I'm one of
those who didn't have the foggiest notion of the fact that I was blessed
with quite a nice set of boobs for example; I was one of those late
bloomers who starred self consciously at the other girls' big breasts
in the shower after Phd lessons).
However, I can confidently say that my personal sexual life has never
either profited nor suffered from the way the male audience reacted
to my pictures. I have always been fully aware of the fact that all
they get to see is a mere copy of the real me, magnetized on a piece
of film. I guess you can say I'm "in character" similar to actors
as soon as I step in front of the lens. I am playing a role. And maybe
that's the very reason why it doesn't bother me that quite a few men
out there might get...um..."excited" when they look at my pictures.
Because it is not me. I don't sell my body. I sell images of it. Illusions
of it. And to be honest, most of my "fans" are fully aware of that.
They don't join my website in expectation of highly explicit hardcore
acton they can pleasure themselves to - there is plenty of more suitable
material anywhere on the net. They like to see a glimpse of the real
person that is behind the mask of the images. And I am quite happy
to share a bit of it with them, showing them that us centerfold are
not perfect, and do not look the way we do in highly polished glamour
shoots when we wake up in the morning.
We are not trying to fool anyone. We are all playing with a fantasy,
and as long as everyone is aware of that, I can not see much harm
in it. That being said, I really have never regret my decision to
become a nude model that soon turned into a centerfold. I had some
ups and some downs, but all in all I had a blast along the way. It
enabled me to travel to places I would otherwise not have seen,and
it allowed me to find a richer life by giving me enough free time
to indulge into activities that soon became passions; like writing,
music and all those wonderful outdoor sports I came to love here on
Maui. And among other welcome sideeffects, I was also forced to grow
a thick skin, I developed business skills and the "booksmart" turned
"streetsmart". Still, I have not put my academic education on the
back burner: in my free time you can still find me squatting knee-deep
in a pile of psychology books, and I am happy to say that I saved
enough money to finally get my PhD....starting at the end of this
year. See you on my couch?
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