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XPT's (And Fox Magazine) Ceara Lynch Visits LA With Her Friend C-ssandra

3/29/06

They (C-ssandra's XPT profile, Ceara Lynch's XPT profile) arrived Saturday in LA from their home in Portland. They are staying with Ashley Blue and greeting the good people at JM Productions.

Ceara comments to her boyfriend March 27: "I'm having great time in LA. Yesterday was a very, uh, wild first night to say the least. I think I'm the closest thing to a good girl in this city."

Tuesday morning. 8:20 a.m. Air Supply's greatest hits play in the background.

Luke: yo dawg
Luke: I have a hottie in my hovel
ChaimAmalek: Who is it?
ChaimAmalek: Let me chat with her.
C-ssandra: i'm from portland oregon and i am a student and i am not in porn.
ChaimAmalek: Are you having sex with Luke?
C-ssandra: no!
ChaimAmalek: Then why are you there? ie, what brought you to his hovel?
C-ssandra: he said that you had a pregnancy fetish.
ChaimAmalek: All I want is what is best for my people and culture.
C-ssandra: i'm staying with a bunch of pornstars.
ChaimAmalek: How did you hear of Luke?
C-ssandra: lukeisback, but lukeford.com when I first got a computer. I was 13.
ChaimAmalek: Did you spend the night with Luke?
C-ssandra: yes
ChaimAmalek: so you must have had sex
C-ssandra: no, it was very honorable
ChaimAmalek: I see. Luke ran out of Levitra.
C-ssandra: he made me a smoothie. i really am in california
ChaimAmalek: Would you be willing to have sex with a 375 pound man such as myself?
C-ssandra: it depends on your personality
ChaimAmalek: Cranky
C-ssandra: but no, i don't think so, it would be weird to have sex with someone that i met messaging
ChaimAmalek: Why does your friend want to get into porn?
C-ssandra: i'm not cranky at all
C-ssandra: for the glamor and riches
ChaimAmalek: I though porn chicks had Caltech like IQs.
ChaimAmalek: Will you be having sex with Luke in the next few days?
C-ssandra: no i don't think so
ChaimAmalek: Why not?
C-ssandra: because we're friends
ChaimAmalek: Do you find him . . . deficient in any way?
C-ssandra: hahaha
ChaimAmalek: Or is it because you hate Jews?
C-ssandra: i only hate orthodox jews because they hate women
ChaimAmalek: Luke aspires to be an orthodox jew.
ChaimAmalek: What are your career goals?
C-ssandra: i want to go to law school
C-ssandra: luke and i are going to the museum of tolerance together.
ChaimAmalek: Most lawyers are miserable. Luke knows this guy who is one in Palo
Alto C-ssandra: i'm miserable already
ChaimAmalek: That's where Luke takes women he wants to guilt trip into having sex
with him
ChaimAmalek: I went with him to there once, but as I told luke, I don't do back doors.
C-ssandra: i've never been to LA before
C-ssandra: i think it will be enlightening
ChaimAmalek: Do you know anyone named "Holly"?
C-ssandra: yes i've talked with her on email before
ChaimAmalek: Do NOT let her take your picture if you do!
C-ssandra: we both like horses
ChaimAmalek: even worse
C-ssandra: of course not
ChaimAmalek: a horse is a horse of course of course and no one should have sexual intercourse with a horse of course unless the horse of course of course is the famous Mr Ed
ChaimAmalek: You need to marry a nice yeshiva boy and have twelve children so as to counteract the malignant fertility of the duskier races of the planet.
ChaimAmalek: No offense meant if you happen to be dusky yourself.
ChaimAmalek: This is a point that the MOT makes. All those dead jews.
ChaimAmalek: Law schools suppress birth rates.
ChaimAmalek: Law schools and graduate schools are this generations crematoria.
ChaimAmalek: Could you marry Luke?
ChaimAmalek: He wants very much to marry a fertile young Jewess and have lots of Jewish kids with her.
ChaimAmalek: He would even let you work!
ChaimAmalek: He could be a house dad, monitoring the Mexican nannies and housekeepers, while you did your law crap.
ChaimAmalek: Luke, how hot is this girl?
ChaimAmalek: Not to put you on the spot or anything, but by now you've seen her up close and all.
C-ssandra: he can't answer, i am hideous
ChaimAmalek: Lady, be sure to tell your friend that if she goes into porn, she will catch a bad case of venereal warts and herpes.
ChaimAmalek: along with all other diseases, but not HIV
ChaimAmalek: It helps if you come into the business pre-infected.
ChaimAmalek: Once you have made love to a man of my size, ordinary guys just won't do. I'm enough man for four women. I'm not fat, I'm famine-proof.
ChaimAmalek: I'm thinking about starting a new line of "real man" porn DVDs for guys like me, who have very small willies
ChaimAmalek: I will call my line "Little Willy Gets Lucky" and various women will be named "Lucky"
C-ssandra: point of view porn, it's porn made by guys who pay these hookers to have sex with them
ChaimAmalek: I don't see much porn, as I am ashamed to buy it from the Muslims who sell it here
ChaimAmalek: Of course, buying it from a hot chick would be even worse.
ChaimAmalek: WHY would women write to any ad with that pic of the stuffed reindeer wearing a wedding gown?
ChaimAmalek: Doesn't that suggest serial killer?
ChaimAmalek: Yet many more did
C-ssandra: because it is a charming picture and makes the writer seem artistic and "zany"
ChaimAmalek: OK, then I'm using it on my Myspace profile.
ChaimAmalek: The FBI will want to study it.
ChaimAmalek: Did Luke try to have sex with you last night?
ChaimAmalek: Most men his age prefer sex with 19 year old women to sex with 39 year old women
C-ssandra: no, he didn't. in fact, he promised me that he wouldn't molest me
ChaimAmalek: That's because he still pines for Holly
C-ssandra: i'm not very sexy and i like girls more than men
ChaimAmalek: I don't believe that. True lesbianism is very rare, and self corrects when maternal drives kick in.
ChaimAmalek: Just be sure never to own a cat.
C-ssandra: she's worthy of pining for if any woman was. too bad no woman is.
C-ssandra: i have three
ChaimAmalek: No cats, no ipods, no yoga.
C-ssandra: and a rabbit and two tarantulas
ChaimAmalek: the latter are fine, Maybe feed the cats to them
C-ssandra: i have an ipod too, but i don't do yoga.
C-ssandra: i feed baby birds and rats to them
ChaimAmalek: dangerous. ipods and cats are socially atomizing devices that suppress our numbers. Hitler would have approved
ChaimAmalek: Do you believe that the Talmud was given to the Jews on Mt Sinai as the Oral Law?
ChaimAmalek: Do you belive in the Nicean creed?
ChaimAmalek: Do you believe that there is but one God, and that Allah was his messenger?
ChaimAmalek: And why won't you visit New York and have sex with me?
ChaimAmalek: PLEEEEEEEEEZZEEE?????
ChaimAmalek: I know that last bit turned you on.
ChaimAmalek: I'm going to see Heather MacDonald tomorrow night.

Hey C-ssandra, you did not log-out of your gmail account and I am really nosey, but because it is wrong to look at someone else's mail without their permission, I logged out without looking at anything. But I was tempted.

C-ssandra, how do we convince the world that our love is as pure as the driven snow?

Dear reader, how do I convince you of the tenderness of my solicitude towards someone who's read me since she was 13? Virtual virginity is as precious as the real thing.

Amalek writes:

Yes, there is nothing better than social intercourse with a truly young legal white woman. They got us by the balls. But I'm afraid that in the long run, she's not good for you. What you need is a woman your own age, someone you can grow old with. A woman who is past all of the tumult of baby drama and that part of life, who fits you like an old sofa in which has been spilled countless beers held by other men.

Portland's Ceara Lynch And Her Friend C-ssandra Visit LA, and the JM Neighborhood

Bad_Bad writes on XPT: "I need a job where attractive women come to my office and take off their clothes and talk about what they'll do sexually."

Gia Jordan writes: "Then go into retail and sell Herve Leger suits for 1K. Swear to God that more women confessed their debauched habits and desires to me as I helped them shop in the boutiques I worked at than any gonzo BTS or Lukeisback interview ever."

Ceara Lynch writes: "Yeah, I don't blame most of you for not getting horned up over that doggie shot. That has to be the most sloppy, unflattering picture of me. But I can do better... I swear. Next time I'm in LA I'll make sure to be 20 pounds heavier and invest in a pair of birkenstocks."

Ceara Lynch Interview

She calls me back Monday afternoon, (4/16/06 update).

Luke: "Why did you get fired from your job at the porn shop?"

Ceara: "I was renting out porn under my name because I got free rentals.

"We met Ashley Blue walking to the convention [in Vegas in January]. She thought C-ssandra and I were cool and invited us to hang out with her.

"I always wanted to be in Barely Legal. I sent a picture to Fox magazine because I liked the magazine. I wrote a little letter to Jill Kelly and got published.

"When I was in LA [two weeks ago], I did two shoots for Dave Naz, one for Barely Legal.

"I've been into sex since I was a teenager. I was well educated in sex. I went on a porn binge. It got boring."

Luke: "What part of being in porn most appeals to you?"

Ceara: "The money and the attention.

"I just stood there with a pen in Las Vegas and signed autographs."

Ceara measures 34C-26-36. She started smoking marijuana at 16. She now smokes every day, sometimes five times a day.

Luke: "How does your boyfriend feel about your desire to be in porn?"

Ceara laughs. "He's nervous. He's been supportive up to this point. Yeah, he's worried. He thinks I want to do more.

"C-ssandra is my only female friend. She's expressed some concerns. I think she'd tell me I'm ruining my life. But if I still decide to do it, it wouldn't affect our friendship."

Luke: "How would your parents react?"

Ceara: "They'd kill me. They'd be heart-broken. I got kicked out of the house for working at a porn shop.

"That's the number one reason I don't pull the trigger and go for it."

Ceara says she's a straight-A student at college. "I hate my job [at a supermarket]."

Ceara Lynch - The Non-Porn Star

She tells Da Burglar 6/14/06:

I'm still shocked and confused at the amount of attention I've got just for being some chick into porn. Or why anyone cares at all whether I decide to be a dirty cum sponge or not. I know some people don't. And that's fine, I don't blame them. Its not like there's a shortage of whores out there. I just have this weird fixation with porn. Not because it turns me on, because porn stopped doing that about 3 months into working at a smut shop 40 hours a week. I love porn that makes me laugh or shows me something Ive never seen before. I find a lot of entertainment in watching a girl use her body like a cum guzzling meat puppet. And yeah, Im usually watching it with a burning curiosity of what it must be like to be a performer. But I've been keeping a safe distance from it and have remained fairly content in my naive conception about what it's really like to DP on film.

Part of me thinks that if I go any further than I have I'm going to wonder pretty quickly why I was so attracted to it in the first place. The other part of me is a dirty uninhibited attention whore dying to exploit my orifices for all theyre worth. I dont know. I dont really match the profile of your typical porn whore; parents have always loved and supported me, happy childhood, no history of molestation, ability to maintain lasting and monogamous relationships. I guess all I can really say is don't hold your breath. I probably wont ever fuck on film (for money anyway), but I cant get myself to say never. I know if I ever do I'll probably find myself calling Jeff Steward, crying whilst confessing that my soul is broken and Im ready to work for him.