Baby Doll

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Baby Doll Bound - The Original Pain Slut

Michelle writes in her bio:

I am a bondage lifestyler. After having spent the majority of my adult life doing 9-5 jobs, I have now devoted myself completely to the pursuit of sexual and creative endeavors. I couldn't be happier. I love San Francisco. It's a wonderful city that brought me unparalleled opportunities to meet great people and explore my passions in ways I'd never dreamed possible.

Here are excerpts of my email conversations with Michelle:

>On the record. Give me something I can publish.

No way.

How do you even know who I am?

I'm not an actual porn person.

My take on you has always been that you're trying to prove some hypothesis that women in sex work are damaged goods.

I don't think that's completely the case.

A lot of women NOT in porn are also damaged goods.

I just wonder about your angle.

Do I think the industry chews people up and spits them out? No more than society in general. It's a microcosm of society. It's a symptom of the bigger disease. Women mutilate themselves, voluntarily, in droves, to fit society's vision of women with value. It happens everywhere -- not just in porn.

Sex work is one place where women can actually make good money if they know what they're doing. All of society isn't like that. At all.

I'm in the "real world" now and I'm struggling, plus keeping my identity under wraps. It's a constant challenge.

>Why on earth did you get into sex work?

It's challenging. I didn't get into "sex work" for the money or whatever. I don't have the best self-esteem, but lots of people have low self-esteem. I got into it because it is what I'm best at and it's what I loved. It's so much a part of me that to keep it a secret is like cutting off my nose. It's easier around men, obviously. The first female friend I made at my new job made no secret of her hatred for strippers, porn, etc...; yet, she loved me. If she knew about me, she could very well hate me. It's weird. On the other hand, I could come clean and bust a myth. I'm not emotionally strong enough right now to test that. I need the friend.

...if your whole angle is, "Babydoll has low self-esteem and is not emotionally ready to 'come clean'," then forget it. I'm a real, whole, educated, open-minded, open-hearted human being. If you just want to rake me over the coals to prove some theory on the evils of porn, forget it. I will debunk you as soon as you publish it. What's your angle? Remember... I wrote to thank you for your implied compassion...don't f--- it up.

>So what do you love and hate about your life now?

Be a person, not a reporter. Are you going to twist it all up or quote me accurately?

I do have strong opinions on the fact that female sexuality and youth seem to be intertwined. In fact, it pisses me off. I'm so much better now than I was at age 18--I take that to the bank. My thighs are a product of biological evolution based on survival and reproduction. They have nothing to do with the way I can make you feel. It's too visual. But that's biological, too. What can you do?

I hate the lack of freedom. I hate having to work 40 or more hours a week as opposed to just four days a month for the same amount of money--and I wasn't even a successful sex worker. I hate waking up super-early in the morning to go to a job where I'm treated like I'm stupid by people younger and not as experienced (in every way) as I am. I hate not doing what I love for a living. I say I hate numbers, but I'm good with them...I can see them in my head...it's just not what I'm BEST at or what I LOVE. I like not having to hustle to make ends meet. I like not having to worry about how I look. I like not having to starve and de-hair myself every day. I hate that I have let myself go due to the fact that I HAD to worry about my looks for years. I hate not having sex as much as I'd like to. Before, even if it was for work and not exactly what I wanted...I am so orgasmic that I got a release... I'm a little more pent-up now. DO YOU HAVE YOUR SCOOP? Don't be a butthead.

>It seems that you are pissed off with reality, that perhaps you want to blame something/someone for the reality that men prefer girls? How do you feel about modeling and the camera and the adoration of fans of your poses?

I like modeling. I don't like the camera, but I'm not phased by it. It's not really there for me. I'm not shy in that sense. (I'm shy in general, though.) I'm pissed off with MY reality. I take responsibility for that myself. Science is science and facts are facts and time is time. I come from a long line of scientists. I can't fight evolution. But, as a woman, I think men are stupid. Yeah; at 19, I could procreate a real horrorshow. But I couldn't make you feel the way I can make you feel now. There are too many humans on the planet. We are focusing on the wrong stuff, but we can't help it. It's in our DNA. I guess my dildo and me will just elaborate on what I've already done and have fun that way from now on. I really am disgusted with what passes for attractive in my age group. It seems to have more to do with who you want to be photographed with or who can further your career of choice... It's just a different form of exploitation. And it's all shallow. I'll take my dildo.

...Making someone feel ok about their sexuality vs. making the books balance for an office where they think I'm a dumbo? Hmmm..

I have never had any doubt about my brain power. I tested at the top 10 in my state before the age of five in IQ points and I was in the gifted/talented program at school. I know my brain is ok. I believe that extreme (NOT BAD) sexuality is the product of an advanced and creative brain.