>On the record. Give me something I can publish.
No way.
How do you even know who I am?
I'm not an actual porn person.
My take on you has always been that you're trying to prove some hypothesis
that women in sex work are damaged goods.
I don't think that's completely the case.
A lot of women NOT in porn are also damaged goods.
I just wonder about your angle.
Do I think the industry chews people up and spits them out? No more
than society in general. It's a microcosm of society. It's a symptom
of the bigger disease. Women mutilate themselves, voluntarily, in droves,
to fit society's vision of women with value. It happens everywhere --
not just in porn.
Sex work is one place where women can actually make good money if they
know what they're doing. All of society isn't like that. At all.
I'm in the "real world" now and I'm struggling, plus keeping my identity
under wraps. It's a constant challenge.
>Why on earth did you get into sex work?
It's challenging. I didn't get into "sex work" for the money or whatever.
I don't have the best self-esteem, but lots of people have low self-esteem.
I got into it because it is what I'm best at and it's what I loved.
It's so much a part of me that to keep it a secret is like cutting off
my nose. It's easier around men, obviously. The first female friend
I made at my new job made no secret of her hatred for strippers, porn,
etc...; yet, she loved me. If she knew about me, she could very well
hate me. It's weird. On the other hand, I could come clean and bust
a myth. I'm not emotionally strong enough right now to test that. I
need the friend.
...if your whole angle is, "Babydoll has low self-esteem and is not
emotionally ready to 'come clean'," then forget it. I'm a real, whole,
educated, open-minded, open-hearted human being. If you just want to
rake me over the coals to prove some theory on the evils of porn, forget
it. I will debunk you as soon as you publish it. What's your angle?
Remember... I wrote to thank you for your implied compassion...don't
f--- it up.
>So what do you love and hate about your life now?
Be a person, not a reporter. Are you going to twist it all up or quote
me accurately?
I do have strong opinions on the fact that female sexuality and youth
seem to be intertwined. In fact, it pisses me off. I'm so much better
now than I was at age 18--I take that to the bank. My thighs are a product
of biological evolution based on survival and reproduction. They have
nothing to do with the way I can make you feel. It's too visual. But
that's biological, too. What can you do?
I hate the lack of freedom. I hate having to work 40 or more hours
a week as opposed to just four days a month for the same amount of money--and
I wasn't even a successful sex worker. I hate waking up super-early
in the morning to go to a job where I'm treated like I'm stupid by people
younger and not as experienced (in every way) as I am. I hate not doing
what I love for a living. I say I hate numbers, but I'm good with them...I
can see them in my head...it's just not what I'm BEST at or what I LOVE.
I like not having to hustle to make ends meet. I like not having to
worry about how I look. I like not having to starve and de-hair myself
every day. I hate that I have let myself go due to the fact that I HAD
to worry about my looks for years. I hate not having sex as much as
I'd like to. Before, even if it was for work and not exactly what I
wanted...I am so orgasmic that I got a release... I'm a little more
pent-up now. DO YOU HAVE YOUR SCOOP? Don't be a butthead.
>It seems that you are pissed off with reality, that perhaps you
want to blame something/someone for the reality that men prefer girls?
How do you feel about modeling and the camera and the adoration of fans
of your poses?
I like modeling. I don't like the camera, but I'm not phased by it.
It's not really there for me. I'm not shy in that sense. (I'm shy in
general, though.) I'm pissed off with MY reality. I take responsibility
for that myself. Science is science and facts are facts and time is
time. I come from a long line of scientists. I can't fight evolution.
But, as a woman, I think men are stupid. Yeah; at 19, I could procreate
a real horrorshow. But I couldn't make you feel the way I can make you
feel now. There are too many humans on the planet. We are focusing on
the wrong stuff, but we can't help it. It's in our DNA. I guess my dildo
and me will just elaborate on what I've already done and have fun that
way from now on. I really am disgusted with what passes for attractive
in my age group. It seems to have more to do with who you want to be
photographed with or who can further your career of choice... It's just
a different form of exploitation. And it's all shallow. I'll take my
dildo.
...Making someone feel ok about their sexuality vs. making the books
balance for an office where they think I'm a dumbo? Hmmm..
I have never had any doubt about my brain power. I tested at the top
10 in my state before the age of five in IQ points and I was in the
gifted/talented program at school. I know my brain is ok. I believe
that extreme (NOT BAD) sexuality is the product of an advanced and creative
brain.