As I'm interviewing Satanist Shane Bugbee outside the bar in Pasadena, someone drives by and repeatedly throws eggs at the club. We get splattered.

I guess the regular patrons were upset that the bar was closed to them for this special event.

Ava Rose tries to avoid my camera. She comes to the event with DCypher. I've seen them together for about two months now.

For the first time in about a year, I see Ava chatting with her sister Mia.

It's getting harder to get into my pants.

Fourteen years ago, my waist measured a girlish 28 inches. Now it's expanded to a pudgy 38 (we must be measuring it wrong because my jeans are sized 33 in the waist and they fit me fine, says Jason Sechrest). And with every third constricted stride, I breath out and let off a massive gas attack.

This is not as popular with the ladies as it was in sixth grade. Then I'd let off some massive ones until Jeanie asked the teacher, "Please tell Luke to control himself."

Good times.