Penthouse Pets Jamie Lynn (POY 2006) And Cassia Riley (POY Runner-Up) Grace My Hovel With Eve Mayfair For LA Weekly Shoot

Photos by Kevin Scanlon: pic pic pic pic pic pic pic pic pic pic pic pic pic pic pic

A Modern Orthodox journalist writes: "Now, be honest -- wouldn't [Cassia Riley] look so much better in a helmet-shaped wig and grungy ankle-length blue-jean skirt that looks like it hasn't seen the inside of a washing machine since around the time Monica first inhaled Bill's cigar? Luke, why do so many Orthodox young women look so unkempt and, well, smelly? I attended an Orthodox Feminist convention a few years ago and a good number of the attendees were almost defiantly ugly. And many of those who weren't pug ugly were about the most unfeminine creatures ever created (presumably) without penises. Is the word "frum" a derivative of "frumpy"?"

Women in business suits are my thing.

"Well, women in business suits are about the only women who still wear pantyhose, and there's nothing that makes a pair of legs look both elegant and feminine at the same time. It's amazing how quickly these trends take hold -- as recently as, say, 2000, nylons were still considered an essential in every woman's wardrobe. Almost overnight it changed. I've been at weddings where the girls were almost all bare-legged, and some even wore flip-flops. Nothing says "do me" like pasty-white legs and rubber shoes hinting of toe cheese and flaking heels."

Chaim Amalek writes:

ON THE ONE HAND: If you go into Borrough Park in Brooklyn, you see tons of young jewish mothers who are fit, trim, and pushing kids around in baby carriages. ON THE OTHER HAND: Feminists, be they Jewish or other, are almost by definition harridans who have been rejected by the society of men "Orthodox Feminist" sounds vomitous Fat, blubbery, rubbery, Craigslist and JDate rejects. "DO I CHALLENGE YOU? DO YOU FEAR ME, JEWISH MAN?"

I really like this black chick. By which I mean that I really like staring at her face and what not.

> She's sweet, smart, good grammar, and in love with another man.

Yeah, she should breed. Tell her I urge her to breed.

Well, if she told you that, why would you think you are going to be getting any of that?

> Triumph of hope. David Ben Gurion said that if you don't believe in miracles, you're not being realistic.

Stick to crank skanks. Any comments from these chicks on your estate? These are really hot pics. Taps into primordeal male fantasy of super hot babe sitting on the floor of a regular joe's hovel.

I got outrageous pics for the photographer of me in a black suit, white shirt, tie, yarmulke, pouring over sacred text while these three girls paw at me, pull my tie, kipa etc...sit on my lap. But my concentration on my studies did not waver as I once again turned my back on worldly pleasures to ponder the eternal verities.

Not once did any of these beautiful women (nor the photographer) make any negative comments about my hovel -- which is more than I can say for two-thirds of the dates I've brought over, some have insisted on turning around and leaving as soon as possible. Others who stayed would complain that they always left with bruises (not having a bed and all that).

The last time I had a woman this beautiful at my hovel was when Holly made a rare appearance just prior to the New Sensations party. We made out on the floor like squirrels on crack while my favorite Air Supply CD played in the background. Holly had never tasted such wild ecstasy. She couldn't get enough (for about three songs anyway).

I had to walk the girls (Jamie Lynn, Penthouse Pet of the Year, Cassia Riley POY runner-up, and Eve Mayfair) wearing lingerie past my landlady and then down to Pico Blvd Thursday morning. Cars were honking, stopping, people pouring out of stores and gaping and whistling and making comments and wanting to be in the picture. I have not experienced such horror since the evening Holly told me I was not her first lover.

It was a great time. I added a black porn star friend of mine, Eve Mayfair, for ethnic balance.

Jamie and Cassia say Holly must've taken some great photos of me. Actually, no, I don't think she's taken any photos of me. She must fear I'd crack her camera. Our time together was spent on scholarly pursuits.

A cynical worldly person emails me:

Yeah I�d like to see Eve, if she�s young, fresh and fine maybe she�s Pet material.

Oh please since when do you care about ethnic balance, are you getting a BJ out of this, you can tell me the truth. Jewish boys do LOVE the dark meat, they love black booty.

Those of us in the observant community do not touch women outside of marriage.

"The girls were great. Very professional. They brought plenty of clothes, their make-up was great (they even touched up Luke a bit), and they shot incredibly well. A great experience."

"Yeah sometimes a little mascara really brings out the intensity of Luke�s eyes, I�m glad the girls could be of assistance!

"Funny because Jewish men seem to really, really, really love JBs even more than the average man. And by the way, none of my girls are flakey no shows, this is Penthouse Magazine and we�re quality people of our word. You�re so used to all the skanks who are up all night doing crank and don�t make it anywhere. I bet my girls were on time and everything [15-minutes early!]. Just so you know for the future my word is SOLID.

"You�re a pretty good man Mr. Ford even though you�re Australian. I can say that you�re the only Australian person I�ve ever been fond of and befriended. But if you were a blood jew, you�d be all into the sistas."

Chaim writes: "What are all those pill bottles by your tv?"

Those are my medications. It's not easy to turn out a column like this without pharmacological help (in addition to natural remedies). The yellow boxes by the microwave are Dr. Natura's colon cleanser.

Chaim writes: "If you post that those are your HIV meds, you will be believed. Yeah, this is sort of what I had in mind, but with her looking at the book like she's reading it."

I like the Pets equally. Jamie is sweeter and more goyisha, Cassia is more profane and Jewish. I had to keep asking her to watch her language. She was yelling out the f-word and I feared my landlady or neighbors would hear and there would go my reputation.

"OMG I know what a potty mouth! I�m going to buy her a surprise over the weekend, a tee shirt that says �f--- you, you f---ing f---.� If you go on her my space is all giving the middle finger. That�s her signature posed, the middle finger, while Jamie�s is the eyebrow arch. I love them both equally though. And they truly love each other too."

Jamie�s wilder in the bedroom than Cassia, it's all talk with her, Jamie�s really the dominant.

The photographer and the girls wanted some music so I played my AOL favorites -- a mix of Debbie Gibson, John Denver and Christian hymns -- while the girls gyrated around me. They were a good sport. They made no criticisms. They saw the good in my poverty.

Pete writes: "Luke, The girls dressed up your hovel very nicely. Cassia is mind-boggling and I find the profane side of her charming. One thing is puzzling me...like Cougar in Top Gun, I've lost the edge. Of all of the photos, my favorite is this one. You're on fire, young man."

I spend 30 minutes cleaning up my hovel.

Photographer Kevin Scanlon (he shoots a lot for the Jewish Journal) shows up 25-minutes early, which is cool. He's a slight friendly chap. He looks around my hovel. So many possibilities. We bring in his lighting equipment.

The Penthouse Pets arrive at 9:45 am. I sneak them past my landlady. Cassia's sweats ride down her butt. Jamie's finishing off a cigarette.

They dump their bags of lingerie by my bookshelves and stuff themselves into my tiny bathroom and put on make-up. These girls are troopers. They make no complaints about their appalling working conditions. Really, Mexicans fresh out of the Rio Grande live better than I do. They work harder though.

I'm nervous, jumpy, in my black undertake suit.

Eve arrives at 10 am.

I email Lainie Speiser at Penthouse for permission to take a few pics of my own.

I arrange my four books on my shelf.

I'm relieved that the three girls get along. Jamie refers to Cassia as her wife.

Cassia's had two weeks off.

In the Valley, they live near each and Martina Warren and Charlie Lane.

I wish I had my taperecorder on to capture the chitchat but that might inhibit my models.

One complains (I better not say who, she told me not to publish this) repeatedly about cellulite that neither I nor the photographer can detect.

Kevin assures the girl that no photo will leave his computer unless it shows them at their best.

I've never made that assurance to anyone but Holly "everything's fair game but my cooking" Randall, and she doesn't believe me and insists on immediately deleting from my camera all photos of herself that she doesn't like. I like her straightforward vanity. It's better than when people pretend and manipulate.

I like using my relationship (or ex-relationship with Holly) to establish rapport with models. It helps for models to see me as a human being who's been able to establish a genuine friendship within the industry and doesn't just use every human encounter (only 99.9% of them) as fodder for his column.

People are not fodder. When will I internalize that value?

Cassia and Jamie are a riot. They love each other. They raise hell together. Cassia has a booming voice. I have to shush her. What will the neighbors think?

Eve is demure. Her emails are superb. Everything is spelled and punctuated correctly, so rare in a porn chick. She worked in offices in San Francisco for four years prior to entering Adult.

She's in love with a white guy. Most of her boys have been white. She likes to be a white boy's first black girl.

JaneAusten: Are you going to post about what grat work Cassia, Jamie, and Eve did on PornStarPerformance.com?
JaneAusten: I can't believe you played such crappy music JaneAusten: for a photo shoot
JaneAusten: don't you have any dance music cds?
Luke: i am exhausted
JaneAusten: What have you been doing?
Luke: not sleeping
JaneAusten: Did Holly keep you up last night?
Luke: no sex for a week
Luke: no we broke up
JaneAusten: Is it your chronic fatigue?
JaneAusten: I wouldn't notice that you broke up since you keep writing about her every day
JaneAusten: It makes you look obsessed.
Luke: I am obsessed. I am a fool for muff, I mean love.
JaneAusten: how are things with Suze Video? Are they making you rich?
Luke: i get about $150 or so every two weeks
JaneAusten: wow, holly is really looking after you, are you going to invest in a bed with your earnings?
Luke: A teeth cleaning. No bed. Yes, she spoils me. I don't deserve her. Luckily for her, I don't have her.

For the first outfit, the girls wear bikinis (and I think high heels). We pose in the confined space between my desk and the my bookshelves. In the second outfit, the girls get into lingerie. For the third outfit, more lingerie.

I gingerly lead them past my landlady and into Jamie's car. We drive down to Pico Blvd. I look around to make sure I don't see anyone I know. Then we jump out of the car and Kevin starts snapping.

Immediately a friend of mine walks up. I say a quick hello.

Kevin snaps. Old men ask to be in the picture. People pour out of stores and offices and stare. We walk down Pico 100 yards as Kevin snaps. Eve's in front. Cassia and Jamie walk while draped over me. I stare off into the distance looking cold, morally troubled, even hostile.

Jamie's nervous. She's left her keys and purse in the car.

It's excruciating. I keep fearing that I will run into somebody I respect. Oh, how low I've sunk for publicity. The things I'll do to get people to buy my books and investigate my weighty ideas. Did Alexander Hamilton have to undergo anything like this? Louis Jacobs?

Kevin says we can turn around and we rush back to the car. Thank God I don't see anyone else I know.

Kelly Allen writes: "A Penthouse Pet, Jamie Lynn, smoking. That's something you'll never see with a Playboy model, especially in photo ops. Even the Playboy Channel, has a "no smoking" policy re its original programming."

Jamie Lynn, Cassia Riley On MySpace

They both confess they are addicted to MySpace and spend hours on it. Jamie refuses to get a sidekick so she doesn't check her MySpace account when she's out and about. Cassia has a sidekick but never uses it except for when she's on the road.

They are friends with fellow Pets Charlie Laine and Martina Warren and Penthouse talent coordinator Stacey Valentine.

Cassia blogs Feb 24, 2006:

I'm just laying here with my 2 1/2lb chiuahua on my lap on a friday night its 10:46pm most people around my age, you know mid twenties are just getting ready to go out and party...but here is a real honest glimpse ito the real life of a centerfold...well at least this centerfold's life...I am actually just chillin here at home in my cozy chair in my bedroom watching 20/20 ...playing with my baby dog...I so much prefer to relax and share time with the people that mean the most to me that know the real true me. Than go out to that "place to be" with all those "people" Work is work. Home is home. I could go out and do the hollywood thing, hang around with those "people" I mean I am a "Penthouse Pet"...I should be out being seen, networking...but I am so much more content with all the real true things that I have real relationships, real love, real family.The thing about this business is that it changes you you meet people that do the same things you do and those people become your friends and I try to seperate the two but it always ends up blending together...So really its a question because I have alot of people tell me that Cassia is different than the girl they know before she became a centerfold...I live my life everyday so I cant see from the outside....I havent changed in a bad way just changed...hmmmm I mean in this business can you really separate it or does the Cassia from before morph into the centerfold Cassia?

Cassia blogs January 30, 2006:

If you leave a a message and clog up my inbox with stupid ass shit...I will block your ass..These are my top 6 annoying things people say on myspace...ghetto spelling and all....feel free to add some...I know I have tons more that I can't think of at the moment...

1. wuz up gurl, hit me back sometime lets chizzzzat...

2. dam grrrrl you fine...wanna f---?

3.what up lets hang sometime ...you party?

4. do you got a man...cause i'll be yo man

5. i wanna get to know ya gurl..pleazzze write back

6. wuz up..

Ok...first of all...I'm not chatting Second...nobodys f---ing me....PERIOD Third...we will NEVER hang out Fourth...f--- yes I have a man...if you checked out my page at all it would be very obvious...and no I will never leave him for you...TRUST ME...MY MAN CAN'T BE TOPPED! Fifth...NOBODY will ever get to know me on myspace...Period...if you want to know me and talk to me join my site otherwise I dont have time or the desire to site around and chit chat with muthaf---ers I don't know. Sixth...Like I really give a shit to respond to that... I may be a bitch but I speak my mind...people just come on myspace and lose their f---ing brains...I don't really give a mad f--- what anyone thinks about me.

4/20/06

The Xxxorcist

Dan Kapelovitz writes in the April 20, 2006 LA Weekly:

Often called �the Matt Drudge of Porn,� Web gossipmonger L-ke Ford is trying to distance himself from his triple-X past. �My life will forever be associated with the writing I�ve done on the porn industry,� laments Ford. �I still do everything I can to build up a name writing on other topics.� Ford�s other writing obsessions include the Mafia, the media and the mellow sounds of Air Supply.

Ford moved to Los Angeles in 1994. Three years later, after failing to become a successful actor, Ford became famous (at least in smut circles) for his porn-gossip Web site, LukeFord.com.

He quickly earned a reputation for his willingness to post almost anything about anybody, fact-checking be damned. He thrilled to print controversial items, and pissed off porno people when he revealed the real names of blue-screen thespians. The climax of his porn-blogging career was breaking a story about an actor infected with HIV.

�I interview pornographers,� explains Ford. �It�s kind of like a grad student sticking a stick into a cage of insects and seeing how they react.� Unlike most grad students and their insects, however, Ford has had sex with some of his subjects.

Born in Australia 39 years ago to the son of a Seventh-day Adventist minister, Ford has since discovered the joy of Orthodox Judaism. His religious conversion originated from an unlikely source: annoying talk-show host/moralist Dennis Prager.

Ford keeps kosher, observes the Sabbath and attends synagogue every day, but admits that his behavior often falls short of what his adopted religion requires.

After learning of Ford�s Web site, various rabbis banished him, an ordeal he details in his self-published memoir, XXX-Communicated: A Rebel Without a Shul.

Ford gets death threats, and often sleeps with a loaded gun under his pillow. No one has murdered Ford yet, but he has been physically assaulted twice. One porn journalist repeatedly bashed Ford�s head against a light pole.

Ford�s fast-and-loose blogging has also brought him some legal woes...

To move beyond porn and get in good with his coreligionists, Ford sold his Web site for $25,000 and created LukeFord.net. What he did to pornsters, he now does to journalists, clergymen and Hollywood producers, one of whom is in the process of suing him.

If that�s not living dangerously enough, Ford is working on a book about Orthodox rabbis who are sexual predators.

God help him.