On Set With RelishXXX

Suzy Best Suzy Emma Donna Marie, Rich Donna Marie Donna Marie, Rich Donna

Sep 20, Clapham Junction, London. Suzy's boyfriend is performer Max Sloane. "It's easier to have a relationship [inside the industry]. You don't have to hide anything. People outside the industry don't understand. They think you're enjoying it [porn]. They think you're making love and it's not like that. It's very professional. It's too confusing [for people outside of the industry]."

Suzy's family don't know she does porn. "In the year-and-a-half I've been doing it, I've gotten away with it."

She doesn't get recognized in public. "I've been on the front page of magazines, Direct TV."

Suzy, 20, won't strip. "I can't dance."

Her main work skill is massage therapy and make-up. "I can always go back to it. It's a lot less money. I enjoy [porn]. I love the money. It's hard if you're on set twelve-hours a day and you're starved, or if you catch an STD. It keeps you fit. It's the kind of sex that suits me. I like girl-girl."

Suzy'll work with black guys. "I've only worked with one. There are not many here. I hear there are a lot of black guys in LA. Very big, I've heard."

Suzy asks me a lot of questions about working in LA. "I do a lot of rough sex here," she says, "but I don't know [what rough sex is like in LA]. I do anal here. I don't know if I would like to do it in America. Depends on what the guys are like. A lot of the performers here are really nice and you enjoy working with them. In America, are they really rough and don't care about the girl?"

Luke: "It varies. Most of them will only do what the girl wants. They do a lot of gagging."

Suzy: "I do that now. I know that in America that's very popular.

"What's Max Hardcore like?"

Luke: "He's perfectly normal when he's not doing that. It's just a character he puts on."

Suzy: "Really?"

Luke: "Except that he's a drunk. He can be mean when he's drunk. When he's sober he can be charming."

Suzy: "What about Dick Nasty [Nastymodeling.com]?"

Luke: "He's a nice guy."

Suzy: "He wants me to come work for him but I don't trust anybody [in American porn]. What about the name Dick Nasty? It's not appealing.

"I can't work every day.

"I get most of my work direct. It's easier than paying commission [her agent is the Walpole Group, the UK's largest porn modeling agency]. They're very good when you start off because you don't know what you're doing. You don't want to go to a job and not know what you're going to do."

Luke: "Does Relish pay the most?"

Suzy: "It's the same. Girl-girl is 250 pounds, boy-girl 300-350, anal 400, DP - 500. It depends on what you're rate is. If they want to use you, they'll pay you. They'll ask you what do you want. You'll tell them and they'll say yes or no. If they want something really hard, you're going to want more money. I know they pay more in America but the scenes are harder."

Harry Colquhoun, the director, says he's thought about shooting gonzo (so far he's only shot scripted features), "but why make what everyone else is making? I know it sells. I'm offering an alternative until it stops selling. With gonzos, there's some real nasty s--- happening in the United States, the punching, grabbing, choking. A. We can't do that stuff. B. I don't want to make that stuff. I want to make stuff that is more mainstream and more people can enjoy. I have my niche. British tongue-in-cheek. I use predominantly British talent and blend it with Europeans. There isn't an abundance of quality talent in the UK. You have to go further afield to get that, but then you lose the English. They don't tend to speak good English. I'll work a story around the talent I've got.

"Sometimes [different English porn companies] will collaborate [in flying European girls in].

"The European girls, because there's more choice, tend to be better looking. Suzy's one of the nicest looking girls we have in the UK. The European girls are more professional. This is what they do for a living. There are English girls who wake up and say, I don't want to get f----- in the ass today.

"Either you're a porn star or you're not. That's where you have to decide.

"Ben Dover and Omar have the biggest libraries. I don't think they're shooting much anymore. I think they'd say that there's isn't much decent talent around and they've all been shot to s---."

Harry estimates there are about 20-30 porn films shot a month in England.

Four months ago, Harry stopped releasing new titles on VHS. Customers can't buy porn in the UK via domestic mail, so Relish set up a mailorder company in Belgium. "We sold all our rights to this offshore company who then have the right to mailorder. It's legal to film. You have to have permits to shoot outside. You can't shoot outside unless you can prove to the censor that where you've shot is private and no one can see in. For example, we're not shooting on the terrace. We shot a solo masturbation scene in a MPV (multi-purpose vehicle). They wanted me to shoot it was all private, but there were buses going by, so I cut it."

Luke: "I heard that people shot scenes on the London Eye."

Harry: "But that's for the internet. You can get away with anything on the internet."

Harry says there's a shortage of reliable porn studs in the UK. It's considered scandalous to take Viagra and if it is done, it is done quietly.

Harry: "When you go to work, you should bring your tools. If they're having a hard time, we can't give them Viagra because if they keel over and have a heart attack..."

Luke: "Would you reach over and give 'em a tug?"

Harry: "Definitely."

Jimmy the white gaffer says black guys take longer to get it up. "There's one good black performer in this country -- Britt Tracy. There was Omar and there's a new guy."

There are no Muslims in the British porn community but there was a Shikh -- Tommy Sinn, who wore a turban. "He won a competition on some TV show on TVX."

Luke: "Do you still call the Indians wogs [Western Oriental Gentlemen]?"

Jimmy: "Sorry?"

Luke: "Is there WOG porn?"

Jimmy: "No. That's quite a racially derogatory term. It's really old fashioned. I haven't heard that term in years."

Luke: "What about darkie?"

Jimmy: "No. We don't use anything like that. That's really old fashioned. That's quite a naughty thing to say."

Luke: "What do you call gay people?"

Jimmy: "Gays."

Luke: "What about faggot?"

Jimmy: "No. It's like nigger. Black people have claimed back the word nigger."

Luke: "Can you call a black guy a nigger?"

Jimmy: "No.

"I was out in Finland doing a shoot called Turkish Sex. We went with this big black guy, Marcus, who's a stripper. He's the only black guy [in the town]. When he walked down the street, everyone was looking at him.

"He went into the bar to take a drink and this guy walked up to him and said, 'You're one big nigger.' Marcus was totally shocked. He turned to me and said, could you explain to him why he shouldn't use that term for black people.

"He [Finnish guy] really didn't get it. Because of rap and American [entertainment], he thought it was like saying 'mate'."

There aren't Irish in UK porn.

The guys say they'd be willing to shoot a German. "Right in the head," laughs Jimmy. "I've always wanted to do a Second World War porn film."

Luke: "Would you shoot a frog?"

Jimmy: "The French? Yeah, but most of the stuff I work on is dialogue-driven, and if they can't speak English..."

Luke: "Are they still sore about Agincourt?"

Laughter.

Jimmy: "They get real pissed about Waterloo."

Friend: "No, they're not retreating. I can't see them retreating.

"The French had surrendered. Lord Nelson, being a psycho, was asked if they had surrendered or should they blast 'em. Nelson put the telescope up to his blind eye and said, 'They're not retreating. I can't see them retreating.'"

A friend says they shot a scene between a girl who played a thief and a police officer. It turns out the girl really was a thief who had served time in prison.

Emma has done 11 boy-girl scenes. She does lap dances on Sky TV. She worked as a stripper and nude model for two years before getting into porn.

Her boyfriend also works in porn -- Rich. "I used to be into dating black guys but I never slept with one."

Luke: "Is there any national or religious group you wouldn't have sex with on camera?"

Emma: "Indians." She means dot, not feather.

Luke: "If someone is mentally retarded, are they allowed to do a porn film [in the UK]?"

Friend: "They're all mentally retarded."

The porners don't seem too worried about Islamic terrorism in the UK (a few months after bombs exploded in London, killing about 50). "It's just like the IRA," says Jimmy.

Until recently, it was illegal to shoot gay porn.

"I had two gay websites," says a webmaster, "and I lost over 50,000 pounds. I don't do it anymore. I'm not gay. I don't know what they want. I make gay sites with pink and gays don't really like it. A gay friend said to me, 'You know why nobody joins your gay sites? Because it's really obvious to a gay guy that the site is made by a heterosexual who's purely trying to get their money.'"

My friend and Harry french-kissed each other on a dare by two girls they were trying to bed on a double-date.

"I don't think it happened," says Harry (who's been married four years), "but I may have been a bit wasted. The stockings and suspenders might've happened."

Sept 21. 11pm. We go into a phone booth outside the Ritz. It's covered with postcards for prostitution services (falsely) boasting such stars as Stormy Waters, Jesse Jane, Tera Patrick, Aria Giovanni, etc. My friend borrows 40 pounds (the minimum to get a massage in a London whorehouse), calls one, books one, walks up Picadilly to the place, meets a college student who couldn't get into a club, is admitted, sees that the woman inside is not the one on the card, and leaves.

I'm told that the reason a webmaster earns 30% more with credit card processor Epoch than CCBill is that with Epoch you have to cancel 24-hours before the end of your billing period to get your refund.

London pornographer Alan Haley owns Maxim Productions. He claims to be in tight with Hans Burger and various mobsters. Alan owns security firms that get jobs at various clubs.

One way to muscle into a club is to beat their doormen senseless. Then you show up the next morning and say to the club owner, it looks like you need security. The security then can make sure you use the right Mafia launderer.

People say gangster Gerry Adams is the most scary guy in London but it's really his mother.

I walk past a restaurant where Boris Becker boffed a woman and later got sued by her for child support. It turned out later he only got a BJ. She spat his seed on to her hand and shoved it up inside of her and got pregnant.

Kirsten Halbort, who used to be married to Omar and ran Britain's largest porn talent agency, is coming on screen to work with Rocco Siffredi.

Donna Marie, in porn four years, directed her first movie Hard Day at the Office. She says it sold 20,000 copies and it is going out in the United States through Black Widow Productions.

At McDonalds this morning, the server said he recognized her. Then he added, "I'm not even going to ask you what you do."

On the train today, "this guy was staring at me, making me feel really uncomfortable." I told he was making me feel uncomfortable. He said, 'You do porn, don't you?' I said yeah. I would never deny it.

"About ten people turned around and looked at me.

"It's good to be recognized.

"I dread the day I get recognized by a group of English drunkards."

Luke: "How did your family react?"

Donna: "My dad's cool about it. My mom. We're not allowed to discuss it. Mention it to my mom and she won't talk to me for a couple of weeks. My dad will say, 'Did you have a good day at work? Can't you get me one like that. I'd love to shag women all day.' My dad thinks it's easy. But for everyone else, it's taboo.

"All my DVDs are in the living room, so..."

Donna was in a six year-relationship and "he was fine about it. I've got a new boyfriend and he's fine about it too, because I was honest from the start. He never causes problems. If he did, it would be my job over them."

Luke: "What do you love and hate about porn?"

Donna: "I love the social aspect. I get all my best friends to come on set. It's not just about doing the video. It's about seeing all your friends again and having a laugh.

"I hate people who are in it for money. You can see it on camera. They don't want to really open their legs. Victims of porn. I feel like I'm raping them. That's what I hate. It's females who do that. The men are cool."

Luke: "How did you get into porn?"

Donna: "I answered an ad [by Walpole Group] for glamor modeling. I didn't think it was this. I just thought it was topless. When they told me how much I'd get, I gave up my job, because I'm a qualified dental nurse. The first video I did was anal and I had never done anal in my private life. I went straight into the deep-end but it was good.

"I thought I'd come in and make 2,000 pounds and that would be it. Then I got to enjoy it.

"In American porn, all the girls look glam. There's a lot of effort that goes into it -- with beautiful locations, beautiful girls, beautiful make-up. England is more girl-next-door amateurish style. It's more realistic. In your's, the girls look like movie stars. It's like a proper movie. Relish is completely different [from typical British porn]. Relish is the best in England. They make sure the girls look good and have a good storyline.

"Housewife stuff sells a lot in England. I like to get glammed up."

Sept 21, Donna got arrested for marijuana possession. "At the train station. I was on my way to work. I had my bag full of sex toys. I didn't even light the spliff. I just had it in my hand. But the policeman, 24, saw it. He asked me for my occupation. I said I was a movie star. He didn't believe me. I said, open my bags and you'll find sex toys, business cards, etc. When he opened my bag, he put on these rubber gloves with his nose in the air, his face full of disgust, pulling out double-ended dildos... He was embarrassed.

"I got told off and now I've got a record. They took my fingerprints and DNA. I'm a good girl. I've never gotten into trouble before.

"If I ever want to go back to Australia or New Zealand, I have to apply [as she got booted the first time (in May 2000) for coming to the country to do porn for Bill Wright aka Frank Thring].

"The Czechs got us into trouble. It was for Private. Sylvia Saint got through. But a couple of Czech girls didn't, because the cameraman walked straight up to Immigration. They asked him, business or pleasure. He said business. He had all this camera equipment. They said, where's your working visa? He said, I haven't got one. They said, right, go back. It [screwed] up the whole production. We flew the whole way to New Zealand. They kept me for about 18-hours. They found traces of cannabis on me so they kept me longer. They found traces of cocaine on the Czech girls, so they were sent back. I got through. It was only me and Sylvia Saint.

"We couldn't do any filming. New Zealand is a lovely country but it's boring.

"I've got to leave this industry or I won't be able to leave England again.

"I'm going to France tomorrow [to shoot a movie of 12 white girls dominating eight black guys]. I haven't packed much. No slut shoes. It's going to be a fun week if we get through."

Luke: "Will you do interracial?"

Donna: "Yeah. I love it. Although I did regret that when I got to LA and saw how big their dicks were. I wish I had said I wouldn't. You get used to it.

"I went out first with Mark Spiegler but we didn't hit it off. I got on really well with Dick Nasty. I loved it out there. I miss it."

In her first films, French porn star Tabitha Cash had a swastika tattooed on her breast. Her boyfriend of the time is a leading French Nazi skinhead.

A lot of porn girls in Budapest have quit the industry because Private has set up a porn channel there and their friends and family can see what they've been doing.

A white girl in the racist London area of Docklands does an interracial scene. The photographer tells her it will only be shown in Germany. A few weeks later, her father and brother (leaders in a racist political party) see the scene and the photographer flees town.

A porner friend tells me, "I wouldn't let my own daughter go out with me."

Over the past year, Relish has become the biggest and most extravagant British porn production company. They take four days to shoot a five-six sex scene feature. I was on set with them for a couple of days (Sept 20, 23).

Relish's main feature director is 36-year old Harry aka Hazza B. Gunne (harry at relishfilms.com) and the cinematographer is Savage Willie.

On September 23, I talk on-set of Porno Pads 2 (a spoof on the MTV show Cribs) with busty brunette Donna Marie about her ban from entering the United States. On the day that Arnold Schwarzenegger was sworn in as California's governor (Oct 8, 2003), Donna was trying to clear U.S. customs in Los Angeles. "They did a random baggage search and they found all this stuff on me. They found out I was coming there to do porn. I had sex toys. Lingerie. I tried to convince them but they didn't believe me. They locked me up for 23-hours at LAX and sent me on the next plane back. I'm banned for five years. Do you think they'll ever let me back in your country? I don't think so. Ever.

"I was supposed to go to Arnold Schwarzenegger's party that night and I had to watch the party on a TV in the cell."

Harry (this is his 31st film, all for Relish, which he co-owns with Lord Jasper, whose relative invented the cheque) tells me about his movie: "We go in and look in other people's houses. People, by nature, are quite nosy. It's a good way to expediate the myth that porn is glamorous and that we're all having a good time."

RelishXXX started three years ago. Before then, Harry worked as a film and TV editor, cutting shows like Big Brother.

"[Britain has its] own magazine now called ETO -- Erotic Trade Only. It covers the Adult sector. It's a useful trade magazine. Lee Scofield [is the publisher]. They're very useful. They've legitimized the industry.

"You guys in the U.S. are 15-years ahead of us in terms of trade shows, awards, glamor, talent..."

Luke: "When people ask you what you do for a living, what do you say?"

Harry: "I tell them I'm in the porno business. Everybody reacts differently. Normal people are relaxed by it. As it becomes more legitimate and more people can access it [hardcore was illegal in the UK until five years ago], and not frightened to say that they actually watch it... We have 24 Adult satellite channels [in England]. They're softcore because of our funny censorship laws.

"We [at Relish] always shoot hard and soft versions. We sell our stuff to Playboy TV. We're one of their main content suppliers.

"Everything goes through the censor in the UK. Hardcore is legal but the censor has to see it. We pay a thousand pounds for the privilege of sending it to the British Board of Film Classification. Whether it is Star Wars or Porno Pads, they all have to go through the censor.

"I've got a list of things you can and can not do. You can do anal. You can show everything. But the stuff that Max Hardcore does, anything aggressive, you can't do it. You can piss, but not on anyone. There are certain role-playing things that you can and can not do. If someone is tied up, you can't have ball gags."

Luke: "What about HIV testing?"

Harry: "We're very stringent on that, like you guys in the States. We take our lead from what you guys do. We run a free national health service, but you can't go in there and get a [free HIV test every month]. But there are two clinics in the country that take on a dedicated list of adult [sex workers]. There is a code word you can give to these people -- "indigo." It lets them know you're in the sex trade."

Luke: "Do you do scenes?"

Harry: "No, I'm just straight behind the camera."

The 36-year old just celebrated his wife's 40th birthday.

Harry: "There are only 250 licensed sex shops in the UK. You can't sell [pornographic] DVDs without a license. Mail ordering [of porn] is illegal [unless it is from an off-shore company]."

Ian and Debbie run the biggest talent agency in the UK -- Walpole.

Omar (a big black guy) and Kirsten (a 33-year old white woman) used to run a big talent agency that had close ties with World Modeling. But they divorced a few years ago and closed up show. Kirsten is making a porn comeback this year, doing a movie with Rocco Siffredi.

Kirsten now runs an escort agency -- photogirls.net.

I chat with the tall blonde make-up artist from Prager. She's gone from a B to a D-cup in the past few months and doesn't know why. She's a mainstream model, does not do porn. Her fiance would not approve.

I chat with Suzy Best. Her boyfriend of six months is fellow performer Max Sloane. "It's a lot easier [to have a relationship with someone in the industry]," she says. "It's very honest. If I want to bring a girl back, he doesn't mind."

What's it like having relationships with people outside the industry?

"A lot harder. They don't understand it. They think you're enjoying it. They think that you're making love, and it's not like that.

"It's too confusing."

How did your family react?

"They don't know. In the year-and-a-half I've been doing it, I've gotten away with it."

Do you get recognized in public?

"No. Never."

Suzy won't work as a stripper. "I can't dance."

Her previous job was as a make-up artist.

Tia Brodie writes me:

I can't believe you didn't tell us (Sophie Dee and I) you were coming to London - we would have met up with you! I've just finished a scene for Private called I Only Love Girl on Girl Action. It wont be out for a year though. Am doing 3 scenes tomorrow and basically working nearly every day before I come over to LA on Monday. It's been manic - am in the process of setting up a cam house and my staff start on a new interactive TV show this Friday. I also have a girl who works for my agency coming over to work for World Modeling for a month. Her name is Samantha Bond..no doubt we shall bring her to PSK so you can meet her.

A friend writes:

What's the porn scene like in the UK? Are drugs as rampant in their adult industry? (I swear at literally every porn gathering I've been to, I've encountered at least one person out of it on some sort of drug. At one PSK night, all the stalls in the ladies bathroom had multiple people in them making sniffling noises! I'm not a prude, but that was just ridiculous.)

So you didn't notice that... was tweaking when she got out of the limo at XRCO? I did, she was 'off'. The coke heads in the biz are the ones whose moods change really suddenly during a conversation; you can also tell by the way that they are sniffling, jumpy eyes, etc.