8/31/05

Erin Moore, Chelsea Zinn, Tiffany Holiday, and who? Kris and girls gang gang gang girls girls Erin, Chelsea Kris, Erin Kris, Erin Johnny, Chelsea Johnny, Chelsea

Tiffany Holliday tells me there will be a bunch of porn stars coming in a limo to the heart of Los Angeles Orthodox Judaism. It'll be an every-Wednesday-night thing.

"You're all that I want. You're all that I need. I find it hard to believe I'm in heaven."

Chaim Amalek writes:

Say what you will about the Muslims, at least when the lights go out or the waters rise, they don't steal TV sets.

What is porn rock? Will you be able to ask any cheeky questions? If so, I have some for you. Take these down.

1. Looking beyond HIV, how common are STDs in porn?
2. For which STDs have you been treated?
3. What can porn do to help the people of New Orleans recover from the loss of their WalMarts?
4. Why are there so few Muslim women in porn? Are they being discriminated against?
5. Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?

I think you need to get the ball rolling on Katrina relief.

I decide to take Tiffany Holiday up on her emphatic invitation. The event started at 10pm she said. She'd be at the door.

It's hard for me to do something, go someplace new. I'm a creature of habit. That's why I go to PSK every Tuesday night.

But Wednesday I determine to make a new start. I wash all my clothes. I buy groceries. I nap for two hours. I shower and shave and put on my nice clothes and arrive at The Mint at 10:20pm.

How many times have I marched down this way on a holy mission? But tonight I'm serving a different god.

I don't see Tiffany. I don't see anyone I recognize. I fear that I will see someone I recognize but don't want to recognize in this instance. I'm right in the middle of about 20 Orthodox synagogues and I'm waiting out on the street for porn stars. Something is very wrong.

Panic rising, I talk to the blonde girl at the door -- Dawn. She says admission is $8. Hey, I thought I was being recruited into taking pictures of tonight's event (which would help promote the club). I thought I was going to get the red carpet treatement I receive every Tuesday night.

Dawn says I can have a quick look around for $5. The club's almost full, she says.

I demur and step to the side and read a book about another loser -- Kick Me by Paul Feig.

It's 10:40pm. I'm about to leave when I spot a group of porny people walking up Pico Blvd. I recognize Tiffany Holiday, Kris Slater, Erin Moore, Johnny and Chelsea Zinn. I raise my camera and take some demur pictures.

Then the group flows by me. They ask if I'm coming in.

Not if I have to spend $8. I don't say that but that's my policy.

Erin tells me she wants me to take naughty pictures of her with Kris. I never take naughty pictures of them, she says.

I don't like to take naughty pictures of anyone. I hate that. I don't want to degrade. I want to uplift. I want to photograph people's souls. I don't want to pornify America.

But I can't articulate this. I'm too ashamed. I'm out of my league. I shouldn't be here. I'm going to get banished.

What a strong moral figure I could be if I were to proclaim now that I do not take dirty pictures for moral reasons. But I'm too scared.

To save myself from social embarrassment, I click away as Erin and Kris go through obscene poses. I'll never post such degradation but I'll photograph it just to avoid admitting that I'm a goody two-shoes.

Jesus H. Christ, what if somebody from my true world recognizes me committing an act of public shame, caught with pornographers, seemingly encouraging them to run through a series of lewd poses?

There's no redemption here.

I'm degrading the public square. I'm porning America. I'm mocking the sacred. Yet I keep snapping pictures.

Now Johnny and Chelsea run through their naughty poses. Snap. Snap. Snap.

I do my job and leave. I hope nobody finds out what I've done. I'm so ashamed.

Burbank is far away in place and time. It's another world. I can bifocate. In this area, I live a certain way, but outside of that, in the Valley, I let the tradition have a vote but not a veto.

But to bring porn into the heart of a religious neighborhood, it's worse than calling Adult Video News the Bible of pornography.