Porn Stars Tell All About Their Relationship With God Nyomi Banxxx told me Feb. 11, 2007: "I have mixed feelings about religion. I have my own relationship with God. I have some things with the Bible that I don't agree with.... There are so many Bibles... I just know the miracles He's done with me and my family... When the day I die I go up to the Pearly Gates and he says, 'You're not getting in,' I'll say OK, I know why, and walk away." Tiana Lynn told me August 22, 2004: "I know that fornication is a sin but I know that I am a good person. Believe it or not, this has gotten me off the streets. This has got me going for my goals. I still have my relationship with God and that is all I need. He will always be in my heart and I will always believe in my Savior. He did die for my sins. Yes, I do sin. "I believe my church is within me. I like to go to church on occasion. I don't think going to church should be a chore. It should be something you want to do. I don't think people should be forced to go. They should have their own relationship with their God." Estella Leon told me Jan. 17, 2006: "My mother is a Pentacostal pastor and a nurse. She's very strict in her religion. I'm still very Christian. I still believe in God. I have my own relationship with God. I was so secluded from the world." Luke to porner Barrett Blade on March 29, 2003: "Do you ever worry that God will make you pay for each sperm that you waste?" Barrett: "Do you believe that you have to go to God to prove your faith? Do you believe in organized religion?" Luke: "Yes." Barrett: "Do you believe that you do not have a one-on-one personal relationship with God?" Luke: "I believe we can have a personal relationship with God but that's not the main purpose of organized religion. To get a task done, you have to organize. The purpose of religion is to make this world a better place. To do that, you must organize." Barrett: "Then why does it have to be organized? Why do you have to go to church? Only if you're a follower. You can organize within yourself." Blade was raised a Roman Catholic, along with about half of the porn industry. Holly Randall IMs me Feb. 21, 2006: "All I have is my dog." Luke: "Huh? What about your relationship with God?" Journalist Ashley Kennedy writes June 25, 2001: "Luke, with your rasta yamika (Sp?), and your insatiable attraction to your own, and society's dark side, I knew... you will walk your own path. Jewish, pagan, Baptist, it does not matter to God. There is one God, and he wears many different faces for many different people. But he is not confined to some building or group of people. He is all of us, inside of us, everything around us, and so much more. Look inside yourself, honey. Your personal relationship with God is what is crucial here, Luke, and I certainly hope you realize this, and see your expulsion from the shul as part of his will. You see things linearally, but the creator does not. There is a blessing here, and it may not become evident for some time to you, but God knows best. And you are a spiritual person, albeit torn at times, on many issues. your Judaism.... eh.... not important. Your heart? The way you treat others? Being the change you want to see in the world? Your faith in the fact that God will always give you what you need, and often what you want.... these are the things, Luke, that matter. If you need to talk, or you need a hug, or someone to vent to because you feel down on yourself, or angry, or lonely.... call me, OK? I mean it... I'm here for you if this whole expulsion from the narrow-minded shul thing gets you down. And your spiritual journey has not ended... it is merely taking a twist in a bend. Peace dude.... blessed be..." Chaim Amalek writes on my Feb. 24, 2005 update: "Why don't you write a book about Jews in porn and their relationship with God? Something more than ten people might want to read. People like both porn and religion, so a book of interviews of the iconic porno-Juden of the seventies and eighties (Annie Sprinkle/Steinberg, Harry Reems, all the rest) would garner lots of readers. And you could include Christians, too." From the translation of an August 8, 2005 article in a European newspaper on Martin Del Torro: "The author of the collection called ‘Read between the lines, you muck, I will kill you anyway’ has already replaced it with a new one, in which he is talking about his troubled relationship with God, but that is not so interesting so will not publish that." Hustler photographer Anneli Adolfsson, after giving her life to Christ, wrote on MySpace January 6, 2007: "Please understand that my relationship with God is not to judge or change thing that has no effect on the eternal outcome. All I want to do is educate whomever is hungry for facts, salvation and knowledge." I chat with director David Aaron Clark January 31, 2006. Luke: "Asian women from Asia enjoy being female and enjoy making a man feel manly." David: "It's not about ego for them. It's about practicality. That goes to the Buddhism Vs. Christianity thing. These martyr religions are ego-centric and narcissistic. There's a martyr figure who represents us so each of us walks around feeling special and like a martyr as opposed to religions based on our outward actions rather than our relationship with [God]." Towards the end of 2005, Sky Lopez told Indiestreetlatino.com: "From that point on I quit the Adult Industry, moved into a Ministry Home for six months, studied Bible theology and did some soul searching. Where I worked on my relationship with God and Myself. Getting back to who I really was, a Break-dancing Hip-Hop Artist Raised in Oakland CA and been rapping since the age twelve." I hear conflicting stories about porn stars supposedly finding God and leaving porn. I heard that Aria found God in early 2005 ago and left the business. Some other porn stars have found God in the past year (porn stars I know and have interviewed such as Stephanie Swift, Sky Lopez) and also left porn (I haven't been able to interview them and tell their stories yet). The problem of reporting on porn is that it is hard to tell this story, and the story of any sex performer who leaves porn, because once these people leave, they don't want to be identified with their porn pasts. I interview porners day-in and day-out. I'm constantly hearing the stories of people who were raised religious and are now in porn. But there's a large stream flowing in the other direction as well. It's just hard to tell that story, and most people in porn don't want to hear it anyway. Another story that is hard to tell is the honest truth of how people in porn feel about porn. My estimate is that a majority of people who work in porn like the industry, but about a quarter hate it. They just don't want to say so because it would make their lives in porn more difficult. Kevin writes:
Atheist Roy Hattersley writes:
Sky Lopez Finds God
Shelley Lubben (what was her stage name?) writes on her website:
Shelley Lubben Was A Porn Star In 1993-94, Shelley made about 30 porn movies (she was 25, 26). We speak by phone Wednesday afternoon. Luke: "What was your stage name?" Shelley: "I've never revealed that. But I looked on your website today and saw Sky Lopez, Aria and them [porn stars who've found God], and I thought, 'They've got to live with their crap,' so maybe I should say my name. I'm not going to put it on my website because I have a lot of sex addicts I'm helping. A lot of them are Christian and there's a chance that they'd go and view that. "I went by the name Roxy. The problem is there are so many [porn stars by that name] online. I've researched it and I know which movies are mine." After our conversation, Shelley writes me about this list:
Shelley: "I was more of a rising starlet. I worked with Ron Jeremy, Peter North, Nikki Sinn, Bionca, Max Hardcore... They re-released two of my movies last year. The Lord is leading me back into the world to reach people. "I'd say I did about 30 movies. "I knew Rodney Moore when he was in the movies. One of our movies won an award at AVN. Someone else called me in 1993-94. AVN wanted to nominate me for Best Newcummer. I freaked out and left. "I knew Bobby Hollander well. I loved him so much. He was wonderful to me. I'm not mad at these people. I used to hang out with Peter North. He was a really nice guy. He was sweet. Most of the men were sweet. I'm not saying there wasn't abuse going on, because there was. But I have a big heart for them. "It was mostly the women who were bitchy, although there were some nice ones like Bionca, who was very kind to me." Luke: "Do people recognize you from your work?" Shelley: "No. I don't look anything like I used to." Luke: "Did you stay in touch with anyone from the industry?" Shelley: "No. Just recently, I contacted a few people. I wanted to reach out with the love of God. Keep it real. Keep it simple. Rodney Moore told me it was ok if I wanted to believe in Santa Claus." I send Shelley to JCsgirls.com. Shelley: "Oh, how cool! They're so cute! I just think it's cool that it's not some frumpy Bible-thumpers. It's hot chicks. I'm putting together a team of girls like Charlie's Angels. We're thinking about calling it God's Angels." Luke: "You wrote that porn actors and actresses are desperately unhappy. Do you hold by that?" Shelley: "I hung out with them. They were so desperate for company. They were always saying, 'What are you doing? What are you doing?' I was a prostitute at the same time. I'd been doing that for years before porn. I ran a prostitution house. I was really into the money. If we weren't making money, I didn't want to party. "[Porners] would be [desperate]: 'We're going to have a party and we're all going to be here. Can you come?' Geez, these people must have no friends, no life. "I've seen girls vomiting in a bathroom after a scene. I see 'em getting drunk and smoking Marlboros around the corner from the set. It's nasty. It's gross when there's catered food and rags full of you-know-what on just around the corner from the catered food. It's really disgusting." Luke: "For some people, porn has helped them get straight. I've known people who were drug addicts [such as Chloe] and they came into the industry and found a substitute family and it helped them kick their drug addiction." Shelley: "I totally agree with that. If they didn't have anyone, and you can see why I don't like religion a whole lot, they had to go find another family. The porn industry is one big family. Camraderie. Because they're outcasts. "I was so new, I was also working as an LA Mermaid. We got to do the Oscar party one year at Chasens. We were hostesses. They didn't know I did porn. Some [porners] wanted to get into the Oscar party and they wouldn't let 'em. I said, 'I'll try to get you in.' I was leading these triple lives. They were outcasts. Hollywood was like, no, no, no. "I had clients who were Hollywood producers. I don't know what it is like now, but back then [porners] were not welcome into the Hollywood community. So [porners] are like this little family. They're always having barbecues. It's like a church barbecue only people are naked and playing volleyball. "Not everyone could be trusted in the family. We all said that we were going to stay faithful. 'I'll just sleep with you. I'll just work with you.' And we'd all go sleep with a bunch of other people. It's a sick, twisted family. "A lot of that time I was intoxicated. I'd have to see the movie to remember. I'm looking at some of the movie covers to see if that helps me remember so that way I can validate... I care about helping people. If this helps me help people, then I'll do it. I'm at the point where you could send me an anal shot, and I'd say, it's no big deal. I'm totally healed. "The church I go to, Valley Bible Fellowship, is really cool. The Christian community has been very supportive. Sexindustrysurvivors.com just asked me to revise their 12-step program. I'm going to try to hold workshops in the San Fernando Valley helping women recover [from sex work]. "My husband totally supports me. We're a really strong family. I have three daughters. That was my main reason I didn't want to come out but God told me, 'Either you trust me or you don't.' They go to Christian schools. I let the schools know who I am and what I'm about. If they don't like it, my kids don't need to go there, but they all support me." Luke: "I know some porn stars [such as Papillon and Robert Lombard sends his kid to a Jewish school] who send their kids to a Christian school." Shelley: "I think that's cool. Everybody thinks they know God so well, but I think people can even come to Jesus through porn stars. "God hung out with me when I did those movies. He drove me nuts. I was like, 'Leave me alone.' I can't tell you how many times he saved me from murder and things like that. My ten near-deaths were no coincidental. He raised me up for such a time as this. "I slept with someone who slept with Marc Wallice. I came so close to AIDS. "I saw you were into Jewish theology. I'm a theology geek. I don't even know if I'm Christian or Jewish or what. We celebrate some of the Jewish holidays. My oldest daughter is really into Judaism. She wears a Star of David in a Christian school. Some of the kids make fun of her because it's a conservative community that we live in. My daughter just loves Jewish people. Her whole room, Jewish stuff everywhere. I love studying the Old Testament, the Tanach. I'm studying Hebrew. "You don't know the crazy strange way that God is going to use you. The XXXChurch. That's not what we grew up in Sunday school learning." Luke: "I think porn girls are in it for the attention." Shelley: "Money is number one. Then attention. A lot of these [Adult] entertainers I met had a lot of talent, a lot of gifts. Some of our parents said, 'We don't see anything in you.' So when the porn industry said, 'Wow! You're somebody!' We think, 'That feels so good.' All of a sudden, we're somebody. Recognition. "I tell my girls every day how awesome they are." Shelley has not seen the movie Boogie Nights. "I have not looked at anything like that in 13 years." Luke: For a lot of porners, porn is the first time they've succeeded at something. Shelley: "That was me. Now I'm succeeding at everything. No one developed me so I became my own parent with the help of God. I'm also a computer programmer and designer. "I always knew as a kid that I was intelligent but nobody saw this in me. And the porn industry saw it. I was always very dramatic as a child. I'm very competitive. Unfortunately, I did some hardcore stuff because the other girls couldn't handle it. I said, I'll do it. I'm Italian. "I was so angry. "I totally believe in the Devil and he empowered me to do a lot of things that I currently can not do. I was definitely on a weird high back then. "I only wanted to do one or two movies, but right away I just had to be the best." Luke: "It seems that for a lot of these girls, they don't have a good relationship with their father." Shelley: "Big time. That's the number one reason. I'm very careful how I bring that out on my website. I want to honor my parents. I want to live a long life. You know that law. But that is the number one reason -- my dad spent no time with me. He was into his hobbies in the garage. He would rarely say, 'I love you,' or hug me. So I went crazy for boys at a young age." Luke: "This porn star I interviewed the other day said something shocking -- Joanna Angel said, 'I wish my dad would've molested me. I wish my dad would've paid attention to me.'" Shelley: "Ohmigosh, that's so right on. That's hardcore. She needs to write that down. I've got to tell my husband what you said. He said damn. He said he'd die if his girl said that. "A lot of us do stuff to shock our parents. I used to call my mom drunk and say, 'I'm a lesbian.' "I couldn't clean and cook, so I never washed clothes. I had to constantly buy clothes. I had few life skills." Luke: "Some of the porn stars do it for years. Nina Hartley has been doing it for over 20 years. She loves it and she's an intelligent woman." Shelley: "Isn't that crazy? Once you do it, you become so jaded. It means nothing any longer. It took me about six years to get any kind of sexual feeling back in my body. I couldn't even feel penetration. They can say they had all these orgasms on a porn set. I never had one. "Porn is harder than prostitution, where you are treated nice if you are in the luxurious side of it. Porn was totally degrading and shattering. None of the men in prostitution treated me sexually like the men in porn did. "The men in porn were nice after the sex, but during the sex, we had to do things that I've never done in prostitution. I'd go out with Jewish men who'd take me to concerts and offered to take me to Israel. I didn't go to Israel. I regret that now because I'm a theology student. "There are so many interesting bizarre people [in porn]. I'm so non-judgmental. I see God in all of it because they are his creation. "I was thinking of going down to AIM and just saying hi. I've written Sharon Mitchell. People usually think that if you're Christian, you are against them. Not true. Nowhere on my website do I call myself a Christian because I don't want to be associated with religious people who judge. Jesus didn’t judge. I'm a believer in Jesus Christ and God. I'm a lover. I'm really embarrassed about the Christian church as a whole. When I go down there, I just want to love them. I just want to be their friend. I just want to take them to lunch and hear their story." Chaim Amalek writes: "Given the preponderance of Jews in porn (at least behind the scenes) why do you never write about people leaving porn to return to a Torah lifestyle?" Because it doesn't happen. Why is that? Because Judaism doesn't embrace sinners as much as Christianity does. Chaim writes: "Why are Christians always returning to the Church and leaving porn behind, but not so with Jews? I guess if you are a sinner trying to turn things around and in need of help, it is better to be Christian than Jewish." I asked pornographer Rodney Moore about Shelley. He replies:
James DiGiorgio On XXXChurch Radio Show The XXXChurch: Jerry Falwell in a hip package? AVN Editor in Chief Mike Ramone (well-read in the writings of famous agnostics and atheists) wrote a critical opinion piece about the XXXChurch back in September 2004. There’s no link to it on AVN.com, but here’s an excerpt:
|