Camera Of Death Vs. Smash Pictures Party

Photo Gallery New Videos: Laeh Lexington Video Video Video Video Video Video Video

Attendees included Lela Star, Ashylnn Brooke, Ashley Jensen, Joey Buttafucco, Ron Jeremy, Nina Hartley, D’Bella, Richelle Ryan, Trina Michaels, Tyla Wynn, Gwen Diamond,  Christina Aguchi, Nick Manning, Justin Snyder, Mark Anthony, Tee Reel, Van Styles and Jew Hefner.

Life is relentless humiliation.

I began my sexy Wednesday evening at K-Mart. I bought a chess set ($10), two 10-pound dumbbells ($20), a resistance band ($5) and two handgrip thingies to squeeze ($5).

Spotting an open space on Sunset, I walk half a mile to 6021 Hollwood Blvd, shlepping along my camera of death, my new speedlight, lumedyne battery and video camera.

Then all night I forgot to turn on my battery, so most of my pictures came out black and those that were lit sucked the life out of my AAs (bought from Gordon for $5 Saturday night).

Some days I have rapport with my subjects and then there days like today. I felt like I was forcing every interview, firing away random questions and rarely experiencing a truly I-Thou moment with the porn stars.

Every freakin’ time I run into Laeh Lexington, she smacks my camera. Tonight she licked the lens, leaving it smudged.

I don’t grab her tits. I wish she wouldn’t grab my equipment. I don’t like people touching my stuff without permission, particularly sensitive camera gear. This is my livelihood, Laeh. I don’t damage your equipment.

Little Mandy Luxx (MySpace, agency) has been in porn for six weeks. "I’ve already appeared on two boxcovers," she says.

Mandy is 21 but her friend Leah Wilde (agency, MySpace) is 19 and can’t get into the party. So they both are preparing to leave when I talk to them.

Leah: "It’s the first time I’ve not been able to get in."

Mandy: "I was a pre-school teacher before I did porn but I was too hot to be a teacher."

"I’ve been in college for four years. Community college is like a four-year school for me. Now I’m in beauty school."

"I’m a free spirit. Really outgoing. Like Samantha in Sex and the City."

"I’m going somewhere with my life. I’m proud of myself for finishing what I start. I’m getting a degree in sociology."

"My dad doesn’t know. If he knew, he’d probably hate me forever. My brother just doesn’t want to see me."

Mandy tells an Orange County hispanic photographer who offers them work that she and Leah are supposed to be exclusive to their agent Number1Models.com "but we wouldn’t eat if we were. We need food."

They say they’d be happy to work without paying commissions.

Photographer: "Let’s walk away [from my camera] and let me talk to you a little bit."

I know when I’m not wanted.

When I make my move to interview Tahlia, the Filipino-American newcomer, Gwen Diamond tells her, "He’s not as creepy as the other guy… The other guy will just ask crazy sexual questions. You’ll try to get inside my head. Stuart’s last party. You and I had a nice little discussion there."

Gwen: "I had no girlfriends [in high school]."

Tahlia: "Me too."

Luke: "What makes you happy?"

Tahlia: "Love and money."

Luke: "Is porn a good place to look for love?"

Tahlia: "I’m 21. I’m not looking for love right now."

"I’m taking Film Studies. I want to be a writer. I’ve always wanted to be a writer."

Gwen: "I used to write poems in high school. And short stories."

"I had a couple of pieces of my poetry published."

Tahlia: "Me too."

Gwen: "Poetry.com picked one of my poems to be published in a book."

Tahlia: "I had a poem called ‘Being Brave’ published in Puerto Rico. My teacher published it when I was in third grade."

Luke: "What are your strengths as a writer?"

Tahlia: "I like to get really deep and really descriptive as far as how I feel."

Gwen: "I love metaphors. You can say, ‘I’m walking down the street on the linoleum and my feet are hurting.’ That could mean so many different things if you actually think about it."

"I’ve kept journals my whole life but since I got into porn I haven’t done much writing."

"When you have a job that you do all the time that requires zero intelligence, you lose a little. I feel dumb. A year and a half and I haven’t been using my brain."

"Immediately upon moving out here from high school, I went to acting school, Meisner. I wanted to be a mainstream actress."

"I got to know some working actors and I realized I didn’t want to be famous."

Tahlia’s been in L.A. for ten days. She plans to stay for a long time. "I plan to get my masters here."

Luke: "Where did you get your bachelor’s?"

Tahlia: "I’m still working on my associate’s degree. Then I’ll transfer."

I talk to make-up artist Aubry Fisher (makeupbyaubry@yahoo.com).

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Aubry: "I’ve come to realize that I’m bad in bed. These girls are great. They have major stamina. I realize I’m boring. That’s why I’ll never do porn."

Luke: "How many of these girls have you hooked up with?"

Aubry: "None. I’ve been touched by many."

"I dated an ex-gay porn star for four years."

"I’m 100% heterosexual until I get drunk. Then I kiss girls."

"I don’t get excitement from the normal [world]. In the porn industry, it’s all different and crazy and great."

Tony Batman tells me, "I don’t do the coke. I don’t. So stop writing that stuff."