Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Email Luke Archives Photos Stars Essays Search LukeIsBack.com Advertise on Lukeisback MyAsianPornStars Cameltoe Tease Mar 21 The Erotic Review
Holly Randall for Dictator
Holly is the most Erotic Woman in Porn, but it seems she is also one of the WISEST, with a sensible eye on just what the hell the industry as a WHOLE needs. Her intolerance for flakes and drugged out whores, it seems to me, if Porn appointed a commissioner, and selected Holly as the first one, then not only would many of the main issues/problems that continue to plague the industry and that people bitch about constantly be mitigated, but having her as the face of the industry would do a lot to expand the market even further and perhaps take off some of the heat the industry receives. After all, what federal prosecutor could POSSIBLY go after someone as seemingly sweet and innocent and goodnatured (on the outside) as Holly? Besides, who would you rather have exerting influence over what you jerk off to, Heidi Pike Johnson, or Holly?
Bishop responds: "As hot as Holly is, I cannot disassociate her from the pic that is burned into my psyche of her and a shirtless Luke. [I'm]... out of any stroke value until I make enough money to go to therapy."
Random writes:
If appointing Holly to such a prestigious, time-consuming position means less excruciatingly mundane IM chats with Luke that will constipate the latter's site, then I'm all for it.
If not, I'll follow Bishop's lead and go with Cassandra. Not only will she clean house, but she'll make sure everyone who is thrown to the fire will be humiliated in a public showcase beforehand. And isn't that what we all really want?
Cassandra, a 19-year old junior in college (Philosophy), responds:
With a deep sense of duty and high resolve, I accept your nomination. I accept it with a full and grateful heart--without reservation-- and with only one obligation--the obligation to devote every effort of body, mind and spirit to lead our Party back to victory and our Nation back to greatness.
Professional Woman Looking For A Thug - 27
Holly Randall placed this singles ad on Craigslist:
I'm looking to make that connection with a thug nigga (or wigga) that will come straight through and beat it up.....eventually. A larger penis is required but if you don't know how to use it, are out of shape, are a broke-assed hustler, a corner boy, or don't follow the 10 crack commandments (look it up), please break out now. Dumb men need not respond either. I need something other than dick to work with. Just cause you a thug doesn't mean that you have can't get love from a professional lady (and despite what others may think about my preference, I am a lady when it is required). I'm just keeping it real. I don't need your money, but I would like some of your time. If you have bad time management, please don't respond because I don't like to wait.
Answer the following questions when your respond:
1. Do you smoke weed and how many blunts do you smoke a day?
3. How much free time do you have per day?
6. Do you have a kitchen with pots and pans and do you have cable television?
7. Describe your feet?
8. How many pairs of boxers do you own?(if you wear panties or briefs, please break out)
9. How often do you wash your sheets?
10. If I said, "A new broom may sweep clean but an old broom knows all the corners", what would be your response.
13. Would you object to me bathing you as a form of foreplay?
14. How many women do you have? 15. Do you have your own place?BTW, I don't intend to send you any pictures via email. Please do not send me any dick pics. I will see it eventually if I like you and if it is not large, you will get no play unless you are creative in other ways.
Holly Randall's Week With Crystal Klein
Holly writes on suze.net's chatboard: "So Crystal stayed with me all this last week-- pillow fights and long hot baths every night! LOL, just kidding but we did shoot a content exchange over the weekend and I posted two of the sets on my site (I will put up the last one -- the best one-- on Friday)."
The FAME Awards - Good For The Jews?
I did the conference call at 2 p.m. with such porn luminaries as publicists Brian Gross, Katy Zvolerin, and Adella O'Neal as well as late-arriving porn star Carmen Luvana and writers Gram Ponante, Genesis magazine Editor Dan, Mike South, Scott McGowan, Cindi Loftus, reporters from AVN (Carlos Martinez) and XBiz, Adam & Eve VP Bob Christianson, and AVN President Paul Fishbein.
Luke: "I have a question for any of the ladies. Don't you think that this awards show contributes to the sexual objectification of women?"
Adella: "Yes."
Luke: "How would you like more people evaluating you on your body and your anal sex skills?"
Cindi from Xcitement magazine: "I'm glad I'm not a porn star."
Dan: "There are no ladies on the panel, so we'll just move on."
Luke: "There's Katy and Adella."
Adella: "Luke, we'd much rather objectify you."
Luke: "Bob Christianson is an honorary woman."
Adella: "I don't want you to judge Jesse on her algebra skills. I'd much rather you judge her on her hot body."
Luke: "Bob Christian can answer."
Bob: "Well answered."
Dan: "Holly Randall might be nominated for Best Ass."
Luke: "Don't even go there."
Adella: "Better ask her dad."
Five minutes later, I ask another question: "Is the FAME Awards good for the Jews?"
Adella: "It's good for everybody."
Mike: "It's good for the Jews and the genitals.
"God just sent a message to me and he says he approves."
Don Benn: "A question for everybody. What can the press do to promote the event?"
Damn, that was the question I wanted to ask.
Later, a source emails me: "I can think of a few Jews on the line that will benefit!"
Carmen Luvana and Tommy Gunn will host the show.
Paul says the show will be professionally produced but "there won't be any hip hop acts or dancing on the stage. We're over that."
Porn Star Karaoke
Konnie, Genesis Skye Konnie, Genesis Skye Konnie, Genesis Skye Konnie, Genesis Skye Genesis Skye Genesis Skye Echo Valley, Pamela Peaks Echo Valley, Pamela Peaks Andrea Jaxxx Andrea Jaxxx Andrea Jaxxx Andrea Jaxxx Genesis Skye civilians civilians civilians civilians Lynn LeMay Lynn LeMay Lynn LeMay Kayla Cupcakes, Lori Lust Lori Lust Lori Lust Lori Lust More Pictures Da Burglar Comments Tony Malice Comments Gram Ponante Reports
Genesis Skye says she was arrested on a warrant for not showing up to court for her DUI of about a year back. She called Brett Rockman who put up $2500 and bailed her out of jail (Genesis only spent six hours there).
Luke: "Why didn't you go to court?"
Genesis: "I didn't feel like it.
"I'm just kidding.
"My car got stolen [about eight months ago] and I couldn't get there."
Luke: "Why did you break up with that nice man you were with, the set-builder who worked for major studios?"
Genesis: "He broke up with me. He kicked me out of the car [in the beginning of February]. I went and took all my s--- and I left him. And I haven't gone back. I'm so proud of me."
Luke: "How are you holding up?"
Genesis: "I'm awesome. I've reinvented myself. I'm back working again. I just shot for Playboy."
Luke: "How's your broken heart recovering?"
Genesis: "It's not broken. Not this time."
They were together nine months.
Luke: "I thought he was set-builder for major studios."
Genesis: "Then he lost his job."
Luke: "I thought you guys were clean."
Genesis: "That's just what we told people. Now I can tell the truth."
Luke: "I thought you guys were getting married."
Genesis: "We were. I can't stand him anymore."
Luke: "Does he still come to Porn Star Karaoke?"
Genesis: "I don't think they'd let him in."
Luke: "How did you thank Brett Rockman?"
Genesis: "Crying. I felt bad that after all this time, he still cared. I care about him still. There's nothing there anymore. We both know that."
Genesis plans on getting many piercings. "I just got my lip pierced to commemorate going to jail."
Luke: "Congratulations."
Genesis says she's living with Star, a big blonde who often comes to porn events.
Luke: "Is that your real hair color?"
Genesis: "Yeah. I just dyed it black. I used to wear wigs a lot.
"I'm talking to Mofo when we're not drinking. We're always drinking. I'm an alcoholic. No, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. So did I.
"There's nothing wrong with having a couple of drinks. I'm not driving. They took my license [law enforcement] and my car [Genesis says it was stolen about seven months ago]."
Luke: "How do you get to sets?"
Genesis: "I had a driver but he got arrested two days ago (DUI, speeding, etc)."
Luke: "Cool. It sounds like you've got your life together."
Genesis is represented by Foxxx Modeling.
I interview Konnie (constancele@dvsx.com), a director and make-up girl at DVSX (owned by Javier, Russ Hampshire's stepson, and Alex Ladd).
Luke: "How long have you been coming here?"
Konnie: "From day one. I'm the one who suggested Sardo's. I've been going to karaoke since I was 15."
Konnie, a soprano, grew up in Houston, Texas. She has three older brothers. As a little girl, she wanted to become a fashion designer. "I went to fashion school."
In highschool, she hung out with other singers.
"I'm not a church-going person, but I sung in churches."
Konnie says she's always liked porn. "I knew it was wrong and that it was cool."
Luke: "How did you get into porn [almost six years ago]?"
Konnie: "By meeting the right people."
Luke: "What do you love and hate about being a part of the porn industry?"
Konnie: "The things I love are the same as the things I hate. The people are cool and it's a laid back business but sometimes that's a drawback because people flake.
"My friends and younger relatives are cool with it. I never bring it up to my parents. They just avoid the topic."
Luke: "How does it affect your love life?"
Konnie: "I've been with the same man since I entered the business. I'm not with him now. We're separated. We worked together at DVSX. I met him at my previous job."
Konnie says her ambition is to become a make-up artist.
Black Widow Productions owner Ric Williams tells me he particularly enjoys my writing on Holly Randall.
"It's written in my own blood," I respond.
"I know," he says.
Christian is with Monica Sweetheart. I take a dozen photos of them but none are in focus.
As I leave at 11 p.m., Genesis Skye is doing shots.
David writes: "Wot’s up with the PSK? It seems to have really gone downhill lately, and hit some great valley of sadness this week. Maybe you should do an expose."
The Decline And Fall Of Your Moral Leader
Two of my meals today were chocolate-banana smoothies. Why must I degrade myself this way?
Holly: "Would you like me to make you some more basil-tomato soup? I am doing a big cookup this weekend to supply myself for next week, I can whip you up a few things. You will have the opportunity to try these things in private-- if you hate anything new you can spit it up immediately and I would be none the wiser."
I would be very grateful. I fear that if I see another chocolate-banana smoothie, I might cut myself.
I like potatotoes, lentils, beans. I love love split pea soup but with the pork on the side.
Holly: "You never mentioned that I made you edible soups you ate on the side. In contrast to my controversial cooking."
Darling, I'm sorry. Everything you have made for me has been good. The lentil casserole did not turn out as well as you hoped but it was 100x better than what I do for myself and I had wanted to take it home. Your Mexican food was great and your soups are delicious. One of my keenest memories of you is when you brought me soup, flowers and cheer to my cold dreary hovel when I was sick.
Chaim Amalek writes:
I still like Holly best of all the women you have socially interacted with. She's a diamond in the rough. All she needs is to be locked in a rock tumbler for a spin and she'll shine. Plus, she's got a good family. When war comes to the east, you can ride it out there in Malibu in splendor, blogging/bearing witness to the folly of mankind. Meanwhile, I'll be living in Central Park.
If a woman not related to you wants to cook for you, she wants to have sex with you. Holly wants to nourish you. She wants to have unprotected dinner with you.
Mexican girls are very fertile. Let her take the lead with you. Won't Holly be jealous when you have a baby in your arms. She'll want one too - you know how women are.
There is no reason why a man of your talents should have to take some mundane job when there are numerous professional women out there who want you. Ten chicks, each tithing a tenth of their pay to you, each earning a solid income, would collectively put you on easy street.
Holly: "Aren't I the only one he's met?"
He met one other but she didn't realize who he was and she didn't really care. When she asked him what college he went to, and he wouldn't answer, she didn't speak to him anymore and he dismissed her as a JAP.
I'll Blog Your Wedding
To make some extra coin, I've decided to rent out my blogging services to weddings, bar mitzvahs, baby showers, funerals and other happy occasions.
Rather than aim to be in The New York Times, why not seek to be memorialized on the pages of Lukeisback?
This idea came to me Wednesday when I was talking to my buddy Rob Spallone about a wedding I must attend Sunday. The dress code is "black tie."
I asked the couple getting married if that meant I could wear my black undertaker suit I wear to shul every week. They said no. It meant tuxedo.
I don't have a tuxedo, not a clean one anyway with all the bells and whistles. I don't want to spend $50 to rent one. So I'm just going to show up in my undertaker suit to this fancy shindig in Beverly Hills and pretend ignorance about the "black tie" clothing protocol. I figure that because I'll be dressed differently I'll be more likely to attract chicks.
Rob lambasted me. He said I shouldn't even go to the wedding if I was not going to dress as instructed. He asked me what gift I was going to bring. I said the gift of myself. I don't give gifts unless it is to a woman I'm sleeping with (and I think it is tacky to sleep with my friend's fiance just before their marriage).
When Rob lambasted me for my miserliness, I thought that maybe I could blog the wedding on and that would be the greatest gift. Yes, The New York Times would have a reporter and photographer there, but my approach will be unique.
Now I just have to find the perfect book to get me through the long hours of feasting and festivity.
Reviewerboy writes on XPT: "All those guys driven to porn because some woman told them that they weren't good looking enough, rich enough, didn't drive a nice enough car, not smart enough, not suave enough etc... - isn't it nice to know that a woman is choosing what you should like regarding your porn viewing habits."
Publicist/agent Daniel Metcalf writes:
I greatly enjoyed the interview with Humphry, especially his views on Donald Cammell, one of my favorite directors. I did want to address the issue of organized religion's relationship to sex/porn as the two of you discussed it. While the West's three "mainstream" monotheistic religions are certainly sex-repressive (today, at least), there have been Christian sects throughout the centuries that have encouraged their members to indulge their sexuality in a myriad of forms. The Aegopy practiced free love when Christianity first began, and if research is to be believed, the Brothers and Sisters of the Free Spirit both enjoyed "free love" well into the 1400s.
The U.S. has many religious groups (some Christian-based, some not) that practice open sex. The Oneida Company of New York, which makes gorgeous, highly sought-after silver, follows an interesting "perfectionist" doctrine in which adherents are free (and encouraged) to make love to one another, and have a multitude of partners. The Brotherhood of the New Life, follows similar teachings.
A true product of the 60s/70s, Eckankar simply refrains from passing judgment on matters of sexual morality, leaving all such matters up to the individual (in my opinion, a stance all organizations, religious AND secular, should adopt). The Raelians, as famously publicized, are porn positive to the point of encouraging adherents to hook up for cybersex on the religion's official website (at least this was the case throughout the 90s).
2Cums responds on XPT to Humphry's argument:
"In pornography, you know the guys are going to be presentable and professional and tested and often a fun experience to be with. Prostitution is just about the lowest form unless you are very high-priced hookers, and even they don't have much choice in who they can take on. Any girl in porn will know who she is going to do it with. With us, we ask the girl, 'Who would you like to work with?'"
This is a weak argument. Obviously, Holly's dad never saw Midnight Prowl, American Bukkake or much gonzo to begin with.
I agreee with Amalek's asessment. I was waiting for the Mike Wallace-type questions and they never materialized.
An ex-porn journalist writes me:
I thought your interview with Holly's dad was great.
I love this part that Holly sent:
HollyRandall: on Valentine's day, every year my dad would write me a Valentine's day card, drive across town, and mail it from there
HollyRandall: he wrote lovely things about what a beautiful, smart girl i was
HollyRandall: and signed them "your secret admirer"I think that belongs in a movie, tell Holly I'm putting that in a script!
Seriously that's one of the most touching things I've read, I hope her dad REALLY did do that. Whatever faults her parents have, that's a pretty cool thing to do for a young girl who is getting stiffed on Valentines. My parents never would have done that for me, not in a million years.
Crazy about Devin Valencia a.k.a. Amy Reid
Bill writes on ADT: "It sounds like Amy/Devin must not be with Vince Vouyer anymore. I was told that he was OK with her doing B/G scenes when they were together, but she didn't want to do them. If my info is correct (which I have no reason to believe that it isn't), then she's either changed her mind or she and Vince are no longer together. I really don't care what the reason is. I'm just happy as hell that she's back doing B/G."
The fraternity of directors at Red Light District is amazing
"It's such a Lord of the Flies over there," says a source. "Jake Malone, Tim Von Swine, they may be a bit rough around the edges but they're jolly guys. Sure, they may yell and scream at girls on set, but they can. Tim Von Swine may brag about conning girls into blowjobs when he deliberately put no tape in the camera. He started out as Vince Vouyer's PA. He became a director at RLD. He's now the number one director at Vince's new company because Vince is too busy to direct.
"Tim is short and likes to come on sets deliberately smelly. He's Steve Orenstein's great white hope."
That's The Way I Like It
Vilnia writes:
You are not dating Holly, yet you are talking of marrying her?
I did not like your Dara Horn Interview. I am neutral on the Humphry Knipe interview. I enjoyed the DCypher interview. I enjoyed your banter with Crystal.
You do best in interviews where the subject turns the tables and forces you to confront yourself. It was great why DCypher forced you to admit to being: "...someone who does not live up to his ideals."
Subjects like the Dick Delaware are great.
Leslie writes: "I would guess the average lukeisback reader doesn't give a damn about reading an interview with your future father-in-law but it would be a total different story if it was with your future mother-in-law though. I guess Suze would decline, it wouldn't be good for her business if you'd ask her the good questions."
Holly writes me:
I loved your interview with my dad, though I admit you could have taken it further, but didn't because I asked you to be nice and complementary. I would have loved to hear his reaction to our relationship. I think people are just disappointed because he's a really smart guy and one can't make him look stupid, no matter what the editing. I love my dad, I couldn't ask for a better one. I found it really interesting and I've forwarded it to all my friends.
An adult that still has a little sparkle in her star - 38
Who is this woman? Candy Vegas, who was born 8/21/63, making her 42. IMDB.com entry.
From Craigslist (pers-143701519@craigslist.org):
I am an ex-adult film star with about 850 scenes behind me. I got into it with my then boyfriend and then stayed in it a little too long for other reasons. I never knew how to do anything else and I was afraid to fail at something else. Now saying that I have not been in many LTR so that is really what I am looking for. A tender man that will love and cherish me for all my inner beauty. I'm a very good hearted person and want that sort of person in return. A sexual relationship is the last thing on my mind and if that happens then it will have to be after a long romance period.
I'm 5'8" 120lbs with fake breasts that I am planning to remove in July. So I will be a natural B after that.
You: Tall and handsome. A true gentleman with love in your heart. A man that is not afraid to let the romance rain on his woman.
Fred writes: "It's a really awful picture of her. I wonder if she went out of her way to make herself look awful."
I Interview My Future Father-In-Law Humphry Knipe, Father Of Holly Randall, And Author Of The Nero Prediction
Traditionally, fathers-in-law interviewed their prospective sons-in-law. But I turned the tables Tuesday (March 21, 2006).
With great exertion, I kept myself from calling him "Dad."
Humphry, 64, phones me back at 11:09 a.m.
Luke: "When did you begin work on this book?"
Humphry: "The early 80s. I started on a Mac Plus computer. I've had other projects in between. I finished it last year."
Luke: "What prompted you to join MySpace?"
Humphry: "Just a joke. The kids in the office, you catch 'em on MySpace. Hmm, obviously you have lots of spare time. Maybe I should find you something to do. The younger girls spend a lot of time on MySpace. I don't have the foggiest idea how to respond to anybody. I have the weirdest people wanting to be my friend."
Luke: "They are my readers. I linked to your MySpace profile."
Humphry: "I'm getting bombarded by the oddest people with not the faintest connection with what I'm about.
"If they are your readers, I will look at them with more respect."
Luke: "You write on Amazon.com that you grew up in a medieval environment in South Africa."
Humphry: "Serfs and so on. You had a whole class of people that belonged to a different caste and it was as though they had different feelings. You couldn't exploit them if you didn't think that. That was the white mentality."
Kaiser Sauze writes me: "So similar to the topics we discussed in the last few weeks. Perhaps the ability to view other humans as such is innate."
Luke: "Do you think things are better in South Africa today?"
Humphry: "Hell yes. I went back last October. My mother, God bless her, is still alive at 87. The mayor of the little town where she lives is a black lady. We are happy with the political situation. It is so much better than Zimbabwe, which is a horrible dictatorship."
Luke: "Isn't crime and rape out of control in South Africa?"
Humphry: "In large cities in particular. Many of the perpetrators aren't even South African. They come flowing down from the north, from Uganda, Rwanda, Nigeria, Angola. In South Africa there's work."
Luke: "What was so puritanical and Calvinist about your background?"
Humphry: "My mother was brought up in the Dutch Reform Church, which is a Calvinistic sect. The whole period I was in South Africa [until 1966], television was banned. I didn't see television until I went to England at age 25."
Luke: "Was that a bad thing?"
Humphry: "It was awful. We really felt deprived. It was thought to be dangerous because it introduced foreign influences. The Afrikaaner apartheid regime wanted the modern world to stay away.
"I imagine that my early interest in porn was that we were never allowed to see anything like that in South Africa. The most risque thing you could see were bikinis.
"Then getting to swinging London in 1966 where you had Page Three topless girls, nude modeling agencies, that was a huge cultural shock."
Luke: "Did you have much sex in South Africa?"
Humphry: "Yes, at university, I managed to get it in a little bit. I worked there for a couple of years as a teacher after graduating. The girls were pretty hot.
"I wasn't into the swinging parties until London."
Luke: "You write: 'Nero seemed to the most 60s of the Roman emperors and, looking back, I probably wanted to recreate that magical time in a historical setting.' What was so magical about the swinging 60s in London?"
Humphry: "There was the feeling that the world was going to change, which of course it didn't. Not much, anyway. There was this feeling of infinite possibility. There was this curious mixture of gangsters, musicians, hipsters, aristocrats, moderns... Everyone was turning on together and you had this feeling of novelty and revelation.
"Are you familiar with Donald Cammell? He directed the 1970 film Performance starring Mick Jagger. Donald was avante garde. He was buddies with Kenneth Anger."
Luke: "Cammell committed suicide in 1996."
Humphry: "I'm going to work him as a character into a new novel.
"There's a new book coming out called Donald Cammell: A Life on the Wild Side. My order has been in on Amazon for months.
"I was just watching a [1998] BBC documentary entitled Donald Cammell: The Ultimate Performance.
"He was one of the most interesting people I've ever met. He was a naughty boy.
"London in the 60s was libertinism to the point of license. Acid, grass, booze, girls, rock 'n' roll, wild parties, taken to the extreme with the swinging parties. They were some of the funniest and most interesting experiences I've been through.
"I was introduced to it in 1971 with the Wet Dream Festival in Amsterdam. Germaine Greer was there."
Luke: "But it was all a delusion."
Humphry: "It wasn't a delusion. It was experimental and didn't work. Once the yobs started emptying out of the pubs and started busting these psychadelic gatherings, it ruined the whole thing. It only lasted three or four months. I remember being in a club where Pink Floyd was playing in the corner in 1966."
Luke: "This idea that the world was going to change was a delusion."
Humphry: "Yes. It didn't turn out that way. Part of it was the turbulence from the Vietnam War. It was the rock 'n' roll era and peace and love and all that stuff."
Luke: "Why would you want to recreate a magical time that was based upon delusional beliefs?"
Humphry: "It was an awful lot of fun. I know you're asking me about Nero.
"Nero was the first person in history, certainly the first leader, to use soft power. The whole Roman modus operandi was hard power. He was the first guy to use soft power as a diplomatic force.
"What we had was rock 'n' roll. It sped around the globe. I picked it up in South Africa. It was tremendously influential in introducing American values. It was an extremely successful use of soft power. That's what Nero was going for. That was the climax of the Roman empire during that [first] century.
"Nero had this brilliant flash that he could [govern] through converting people to the cause of art and music. We now think of it as delusionary. It was. It was a brilliant flash-forward to what is happening now.
"American culture is a huge force in the Third World. It's only a matter of time before it imposes the other aspects of democracy on the Third World. The music and the culture and the art are the stalking horse."
Luke: "Where do you identify with and admire Nero?"
Humphry: "In his use of soft power. He wasn't a homicidial lunatic as people claim. It was a time of enormous turbulence. You had to kill off your rivals if you were going to survive. He killed off fewer people than his predecessors Claudius and Tiberias.
"Why did certain people rebel at certain times? This comes back to the self-fulfilling prophecy. The stars say that Nero is in a dire situation on April 18, 65 AD when Epaphroditus (my narrator) foils the great conspiracy of Piso.
"When Halley's Comet appeared in 66, Nero was warned by his astrologer that he had to do something to placate the comet. The comet was thought to predict the death of a king. You'd know that at that time your enemies were putting their heads together to knock you off."
Luke: "Do you believe our lives are affected the stars?"
Humphry: "Absolutely not."
Luke: "Why would you spend ten years of your life studying something you believe to be nonsense?"
Humphry: "It gives you a key that's almost never been used aside from Michael R. Molnar, who wrote 1999's The Star of Bethlehem: The Legacy of the Magi. He and I correspond.
"It's a historical tool. You can do an anthropological study of voodoo without believing in voodoo."
Luke: "Why not spend that time studying something you believe in?"
Humphry: "I just studied astrology to the degree that that proved to be a useful tool. I wondered why certain things in Nero's life happened at that time. Why did he kill his mother? Why did his mother try to kill him?
"The chronological scale is the vertebrate of history. You can work out what the astrologer would've been whispering into his client's ear 2,000 years ago. Astrology exceeded every other religion in power and influence. Astrology is an intoxicating mixture of science and religion."
Luke: "Do you see anything good in religion?"
Humphry: "Solace. It cheers people up. It gives them hope."
Luke: "But you don't need that solace?"
Humphry: "Sure I do. Everybody does. It's just an impossibility, something for which absolutely no proof exists."
Luke: "Ultimately, is there objective meaning to life?"
Humphry: "Absolutely. Propagation."
Luke: "What's the point?"
Humphry: "So you live forever, or until the comet comes."
Luke: "So there isn't any ultimate meaning."
Humphry: "By having children, or relatives who have children, you do continue. You are billions of years of old. There's an unbroken stream of life from the beginning to you."
Luke: "Do you see yourself living on in your children?"
Humphry: "Notably, the poor bastards. They'll be carrying some of my strengths and a lot of my weaknesses."
Luke: "Is it fair to say that you hate religion?"
Humphry: "Absolutely not. I don't, for example, hate astrology. I find it interesting that people have these irrational convictions."
Luke: "You love Sam Harris's book The End of Faith. That book is bathed in hatred of religion."
Humphry: "He doesn't like religions that are jihadistic, that are aggressive. To have nuclear weapons in the hands of people who believe that the world has to be destroyed to save it is dangerous."
Luke: "How could you not hate religion when every organized religion of which I am aware says that the industry we work in is evil."
Humphry: "I don't know if you are correct in saying that every religion does so. Do the Hindus believe that? The Buddhists?"
Luke: "We know that the three monotheistic religions do."
Humphry: "Those are just our little religions. There are lots of others. I don't know if the Chinese, isn't that Shintoism? I don't know if they have the same attitude.
"During Greek and Roman culture, you had pornographic drawings in public bathhouses. It's not true to say that every religion hates erotica. Some of those Indian religions have the Kama Sutra and elaborate drawings of erotica."
Luke: "How do you feel about the people who dedicate much of their lives to wanting to put pornographers such as you in jail?"
Humphry says that free speech has always had its enemies, and that pornography is without a doubt a form of free speech. "Even a cartoon can cause a ripple that runs around the world and causes over 100 deaths."
Luke: "There was a time when you pulled Holly aside when she was eight and said, 'Mommy and daddy might be going to jail.'"
Humphry: "That was the Traci Lords thing. Now I'm afraid that our stuff is too vanilla."
Luke: "Would you elaborate on this sentence you wrote: 'I know that Nero would have approved that my wife Suze Randall has gone on to become the world's most successful erotic photographer.'"
Humphry: "Because erotic vignettes were a part of Roman dinner parties, even during the Republican period before Nero. It was usual for the more risque members of the aristocractic society to have a porno show as a highpoint of a dinner party. You bring on the actors and they do their scene and they get applause and some coins thrown at them. This is during Julius Caesar's time long before we get into 'decadent' Nero and Caligula.
"These are the roots of our civilization. We're trying to get there. They had a much more liberal attitude towards sexuality and erotica than we have."
Luke: "How would you feel if a daughter of yours became a porn actress?"
Humphry pauses for five seconds. "Obviously there would be nothing I would try to do to prevent her. I'd prefer to have her at the books studying. It's a short shelf-life. As a result, I wouldn't recommend it to anybody who has any alternative."
Luke: "Would you not be filled with horror?"
Humphry: "I don't think so, otherwise I couldn't be associated with it at all.
"There would be some shock, initially, I'd imagine, if it was suddenly jumped on me, surprise. I would definitely not forbid it. I haven't forbidden anything."
Luke: "How would you feel about one or all of your offspring working in the family business behind the scenes?"
Humphry: "I don't mind at all."
Luke: "What wishes do you have for your kids aside from being happy?"
Humphry: "I can't think of anything better than happiness. Happiness requires a lot of components."
Luke: "Is happiness achievable as a direct objective or is it only achievable as a byproduct of higher pursuits?"
Humphry: "Happiness has so many components..."
Luke: "What price have you paid for your association with pornography? Has it made your life as a writer more difficult?"
Humphry: "Just the opposite. It's given me the free time to write because we've made money. It's been a boon for the writing."
Luke: "Have you encountered a lot of people who take you less seriously because of your association with porn?"
Humphry: "No. They're fascinated by the odd combination of high-grade intellectual pursuits and [porn]. They're confused. They expect pornographers to have gold necklaces and to be sleazy greasy dimwits. They come across a guy who used to be a teacher, whose father was a teacher, whose wife's father was a teacher, a straight background, dabbling in this business."
Luke: "Are there parts of your book you are most happy with and parts you are least happy with?"
Humphry: "I was happy with the whole thing because I was able to rewrite it so many times. A lot of people find it hard to get it. They think it is a book by an astrology. They don't understand that it is an anti-astrology book, that it shows it up as a false science. It's part of my general religious skepticism. It is preposterous to imbue these planets with human personalities."
Luke: "I saw in the book a metaphor for your own journey. The slave is you."
When I brought this up to Holly, she said her father would hate this theory.
Humphry: "That's certainly insightful. I do identify with Epaphroditus, coming from nowhere and ending up in Hefner's jacuzzi."
Luke: "Many of these porn potentates, such as Hefner and Larry Flynt, remind me of these Roman emperors."
Humphry: "The sybaritic lifestyle. These caesars were military dictators."
Luke: "They also had a court that paid them obeisance. If you betrayed them once, you were out."
Humphry: "They had to do that. There was no secure line of kingship.
"Larry Flynt never set up a court on the scale of Hefner. Hefner was the king. Flynt lives in a small house. We used to go five times a week to Hefner's mansion. There was an open bar 24-hours a day, superb meals served when you want them, the parties, and the famous jacuzzi where things happened. There were Bunnies living on the premises."
Luke: "Do you regret writing the book Suze, which cost you your relationship with Hefner and his mansion?"
Humphry chuckles. "I suppose so."
On New Year's Eve (I guess it was after a few drinks), Humphry and Suze told me that they did not regret the book.
Humphry: "Suze was moving on with her career. The problem with working for Playboy was that they owned everything. We would not be in the financial position we are in now if we had stayed with Playboy.
"Hef's mansion was the most magical party center in America."
Luke: "What do you love and hate about being a part of the porn industry?"
Humphry: "You get to see some beautiful girls. I don't like meeting them because it usually ruins the illusion. As works of art, some of them are fantastic.
"What I hate about it is the sordidness that sometimes comes along with it. The drugs. They ruin themselves. They associate with the wrong people. Some of the producers do things I think are inappropriate and pretty disgusting and probably not healthy. You see girls who are roughed up."
Luke: "Why do you think girls do pornography?"
Humphry: "For the money. They can go from somebody who tosses hamburgers at McDonalds for $5 an hour to somebody making a $1,000 a day."
Luke: "Can you respect someone who has made the choice to star in pornographic movies?"
Humphry: "Absolutely. I think Jenna's great. I used to know her very well. She was frequently a guest here. I liked Traci Lords a lot until I found out she was underage. Veronica Hart. There are a lot of bright girls. Jenna is the postergirl for pornography.A really sweet, really straight girl who put her head together and made something of herself. I don't know how many millions. I think she has a good life."
Luke: "What percentage of women who do this does it turn out to their advantage?"
Humphry: "I'd imagine the stats would be similar to the regular starlet stats in regular Hollywood. Most people just get burnt or don't get anywhere and just collapse. For every Charlize Theron, you have thousands of wannabes who sleep with producers and do prostitution to keep going and in the end they would have to go home with their tails between their legs with some of the best years of their life, when they could've been getting an education, for example, spent on trying to become a movie star."
Luke: "Is pornography just another form of prostitution?"
Humphry: "There's a big difference between prostitution and pornography. Prostitution is disgusting. That is one thing I would be very upset about if one of my kids got into. You just take whatever comes, fat old hairy men, anything. It's very dangerous. It's awful.
"In pornography, you know the guys are going to be presentable and professional and tested and often a fun experience to be with. Prostitution is just about the lowest form unless you are very high-priced hookers, and even they don't have much choice in who they can take on. Any girl in porn will know who she is going to do it with. With us, we ask the girl, 'Who would you like to work with?'"
Luke: "What's the difference between being an 'erotic photographer' and a 'pornographer'?"
Humphry: "Semantics. No difference."
Many of the things Holly told me about her parents they contradicted. Either she isn't seeing them clearly or they are not telling me the truth. Holly believed her parents would be appalled by my memoir. I don't think that would be true.
Holly often tells me that her mother could not accomplish a photo shoot without her. Somehow Suze was doing it for more than 20 years without Holly's help.
Holly doesn't believe her parents business would run without her help. She feels it is her fate to run it. I say she should create her own life separate from her parents and their business.
The happiest time of her life was when she lived in Santa Barbara (prior to 1997) a couple of hours drive from her family and away from their business.
Holly writes me: "I wasn't aware my grandmother was a member of a Calvinist sect! Ridiculous how I have to find out from Luke about my family!"
HollyRandall: i liked your interview
HollyRandall: I KNOW my mom can finish a photoshoot w/out me, she's done
it many times
HollyRandall: i'm just good at dealing with her when she's stressed
HollyRandall: and i don't think my father would be horrified by your memoir
at all
Luke: you wanted to hide it from your parents
HollyRandall: but my mom might be a bit dismayed at parts that involved
her friends
HollyRandall: i'll let my dad read it
Luke: how's your ankle?
HollyRandall: i don't think my mom would anyhow-- just because she isn't
interested in reading much on the business, she prefers books that offer
escapism, i suppose
HollyRandall: very swollen
HollyRandall: so did you like talking to my dad?
Luke: yes, he's easy to talk to
HollyRandall: he's awesome
Luke: it's like talking to you
HollyRandall: when i was a little girl, guys used to make fun of me all
the time and tell me i was ugly
HollyRandall: this one guy in particular used to always say to me, "Holly,
no offense, but you're ugly"
Luke: wow, men haven't done that to you in a long time.
HollyRandall: and on Valentines Day at school i never got any cards or
anything
HollyRandall: so my dad used to always reassure me that when i grew up
there would be "A line of men around the street and I'll have to beat
them off with a stick"
Luke: you became a sexual vixen
HollyRandall: lol not that's not my story
Luke: except they've formed a virtual line in cyberspace
Luke: I want you to beat me off with a stick.
HollyRandall: on Valentine's day, every year my dad would write me a Valentine's
day card, drive across town, and mail it from there
HollyRandall: he wrote lovely things about what a beautiful, smart girl
i was
HollyRandall: and signed them "your secret admirer"
HollyRandall: until i one year, when I was nine, figured out it was him
Luke: when? HollyRandall: i suddenly recognized the writing was his
Luke: That's awfully young to receive romantic gestures.
HollyRandall: they weren't pervy romantic
HollyRandall: they were Valentines day cards for kids, you know?
HollyRandall: YOU didn't do Valentine's cards at that age?
HollyRandall: anyhow the point was that my dad was thoughtful enough to
do something to make me feel loved and special
Luke: No, that stuff was discouraged in my communities.
HollyRandall: and that was better than actually having a "secret admirer"
Amalek writes me: "You've had better. No sparks. And you failed to ask my questions. Your love for Holly's eggs blunted your style."
Kaiser Sauze writes me: "I'll be in LA in the summer. Maybe we can all hook up and have a meal (Johnny Thrust too). It would be a lively chat I should think. For the first five minutes anyway. PS - Holly's paying."
HollyRandall: "I knew Kaiser would make a comment about how the whites treated the blacks in SA, and trace it back to me. I love these people who come out of nowhere and go around denouncing people while they hide behind a pseudonym."
How's David Aaron Clark's Lovelife?
"Nonexistent," he says. "And I'm happy to keep it that way. I've had a couple of queries. Things in general are going too good for me to go down that path now.
"An [comic book] artist friend of mine, Michael Manning, just moved down here from San Francisco. We collaborated in the past. He's into the whole Japanese thing too. He's the kind of person I used to be."
Why would anyone waste time with a good loving woman when you can help create comic books?
David: "I ran into Eric Kroll. He's editing for Taschen Books. He's gone back to his pre-fetish photography love.
"One thing I never had the suicidal balls to do, even when I was blurting my relationships all over my Screw columns, was to point-by-point two competing girlfriends for everyone to read. I'm surprised you are still alive."
Luke: "Kendra and Holly were fine with it."
David: "Kendra's learned to shrug everything off by now."
Luke: "Not everything."
David: "That's your genius. You can always find something."
Luke: "I know I've crossed a line when I get an angry email from Holly and don't hear from her for four days."
Oh no Hailey why! (Sobbing...)
Oh no. I woke up this morning hoping to come on here for some entertainment, I clicked on the Tory Lane thread and found this.
Oh Hailey! You must know you are gonna regret that eventually.
Hailey responds: "Well I like it. I dont think I will regret it, and if I do well luckily they have way to have them removed these days I am very happy with it."
Tony Malice writes: "What does Frank think about it? Are you sure you guys aren't dating?"
Hailey responds: "Shut up, it doesnt say bad ass frank or bad ass models. I like it abd I dont care what anyone thinks, I think my next one I am going to add Malice into the middle of my heart that I have on my back."
The Two Faces Of Heidi Joy Pike
If nobody is looking at her, Heidi has this beady paranoid hateful stare. If she sees somebody looking at her, she puts on this nice bland LA look.
Susie Mid-America and Heidi were big enemies at AVN. It was about power. Susie was in charge of hanging out reviews. Heidi wanted that position. Susie hated that job. Heidi took that position. Susie left AVN.
Before Heidi took over, you could mail a copy of your movie to an editor at AVN if you wanted him to see it. After Heidi took over, every editor says that if it is a movie, even with our name on the package, it goes through Heidi.
Travis writes:
JM & XXXPT owner Jeff Steward, obviously not wanting to offend somebody at AVN with a reputation for striking back, admonished his little Kool-Aid cult with this posting on their Heidi-bashing thread: "What...is with all of the hate towards Heidi?There are so many that deserve bashing but Heidi is not one of them. Let's focus people and rip apart those jackasses that really need it."
"Jackasses that really need it" seem to include any & all of his competitors as well as chat boards such as ADT which have offended him by not accepting his ads.
Ex-AVN writer (and Heidi is not popular with many ex-AVN writers) Tod Hunter wrote months ago:
Heidi is a serious climber, who is excellent at redefining her job upwards. She was originally hired as a coordinator when Jeff was doing avn.com all by himself and I was doing the daily-news column. She was introduced to us as a "supervisor," which follows the AVN model of adding layers of bureaucracy on top, instead of adding people who can actually do the work.
Now she's the "reviews editor," according to Paul, who has the credibility of Ari Fleischer with me but make up your own mind, which could possibly make her the most powerful person in the industry. It was Heidi and Ramone making such a big deal over director Mason that made her such a hot property, don't forget.
I heard some unsavory rumors recently about why Heidi wasn't fired years ago and I won't repeat them, (1) because they're libelous, and (2) I only heard about it second-hand, but it could explain why Heidi-and-Mikey are still drawing AVN paychecks and the competent writers are elsewhere now.
The Surprising Truth About Ugly Websites
Ugliness has never looked better. I have spent the last few days examining a surprising trend in web design that has made ugly websites look absolutely irresistible. No, its not the bolded, 18 point Times New Roman font shouting at me as I access the page that has me excited, nor is it the harsh colors that have actually managed to make my eyes hurt and distort my vision. In fact, its not even that logo which is so pixelated from being processed, resized, saved, and edited so many times that it appears to be blurred to protect the identity of the company who owns the website that has me singing the praises of ugly websites. What is it?
Ugly sells.
That's right – ugly websites are surprisingly effective in making money. As a person who puts business before technology, a profitable website is a website is an unbelievably attractive website to me.
Film of artist's mass nude photo shoot being sold in pubs
Amabel Craig, 27, from Gateshead, who took part in the shoot, said she found it "very strange" that "cheeky" police staff might abuse their position. "I can't see what they'll get out of it," she said.
"They are abusing the camaraderie and innocence of the day. It was non-erotic, non-sexual ... feeling a bit silly standing around in the cold at times, but baring all in the name of art. It makes you feel a bit uneasy."
Tunick said in a recent interview: "These shoots are definitely not sexual, or I'd do 20 a year, rather than three. To see people rising, falling, taking shape, was amazing. It's sensual. To have so many bodies in one space produces a tension on that space."
Dennis Prager on his radio show: "When a young woman gets naked in public, it is not art. It is sex. It doesn't matter what is in your mind. It is what is happening. The way the male has been created, the exposure of female flesh has inevitably an erotic component. There's another factor with nudity in public and I am a libertarian on these matters in private. I don't think all stripclubs should be shut down. The more people are naked in public, the closer we come to the animal kingdom. The first difference between us and animals is clothing. The first thing God did in Genesis after the Garden of Eden was to clothe Adam and Eve.
"This notion that Spencer Tunick is a great artist drives me nuts.
"My first argument against public nudity is not sex but the animal argument. That it is our task to separate ourselves from the animal."
Devon Signs With Black Kat Productions
Amateur video producer and Web site design company, Black Kat Productions, has signed former Digital Playground star and one-time Vivid Girl, Devon, to an exclusive contract.
"What I like about her is that she’s very real and she’s extremely open to ideas and suggestions,” said C.J. Foothill, Black Kat owner.
Smelly Monkey comments: "When I think about real, the first name that comes to mind is Devon..."
Lainie Speiser writes: "Now HERE are some great photos. My photographer Rob Dew is the best party photographer ever."
Jamie Lynn Jamie Lynn Charlie Laine, Scott Jamie Lynn Martina Warren, Jamie Lynn
MikeSouth: Lainie's photographer Rob Dew SUCKS
MikeSouth: I've seen better film on teeth
Luke: How so?
MikeSouth: exposure is horrid
MikeSouth: oversaturated
MikeSouth: and you should never ever ever take photos of people eating
MikeSouth: there hasnt been a good picture of people eating since the
last supper
MikeSouth: tell him to buy a good camera
MikeSouth: look how red jamie is in the first two pics
MikeSouth: and the two of them in the last pic
MikeSouth: jeez if that guy is a photographer Im a Chinese Clap Doctor
Luke: How's Giga and you?
MikeSouth: we are fabulous
MikeSouth: she is amazing
Luke: how so?
MikeSouth: she is just so perfect for me
Luke: how so?
MikeSouth: she is cute, smart and fun
Luke: how so?
MikeSouth: what more could I want
MikeSouth: she treats me great
Luke: how so?
MikeSouth: its that south american culture I think
Luke: how so?
MikeSouth: luke
MikeSouth: wake up
Luke: how so?
MikeSouth: yer dreaming yer in ground hog day
Luke: how so?
MikeSouth: dude you need to get laid worse than anyone I know
Luke: how so?
MikeSouth: while I dont have anything against HJP at all making her the
trophy girl or whatever was a harebrained idea
MikeSouth: that should be a performer
MikeSouth: not an AVN reviewer
MikeSouth: and I suspect if asked she'd probably agree
A Socratic Dialogue With Lainie Speiser
Lainie writes: "Do rabbis really kiss the penis during the Bris (circumcision)? I went to several including my two gorgeous nephews and I’ve never ever seen it and I go to an orthodox temple (temple beth Abraham)."
Luke says: "The more traditional Orthodox rabbis suck the blood off."
Lainie writes: "That’s gross and very unnecessary. And it makes us look very pagan/devil worship like too don’t you think? And why the fuck would a Rabbi have Herpes anyway? From all those street whores they patronize that’s why. They’re too poor and/or cheap to go to a clean high priced call girl."
Luke: "You're very judgmental.
"A friend of mine just finished his conversion to Orthodox Judaism. He got circumcized. He was in severe pain for a week afterwards."
Lainie writes: "Wow that’s dedication, I’m impressed. When my sister was engaged to her goy hubby, my Mom said the rabbi could stick a pin in his penis (which is circumcised) and make a blessing before they got married. Did you ever hear of that? Is that in the case of conversion (which he didn’t do)? Were you already circumsized? Australian men in my personal experience are sometimes not."
Luke writes: "I was already circumsized, but you have to do a ritual circumsizion with a pin to take a drop or two of blood. No problem. The rabbi did not suck me off."
Lainie writes: "Okay that’s what my mom was talking about. I don’t think that’s a big deal either, sorry you missed a hummer though! Did you ever see the documentary Trembling Before G-d?
"I actually don’t think Jews are particularly a homophobe people, probably because we have a good deal of them, a group of smart, creative, outspoken people will generally don’t you think? I think we’re much cooler about homosexuality than say Catholics for instance."
Luke says: "Orthodox Jews are no more accepting of homosexual behavior than orthodox Christians. Jews seem more tolerant because most Jews are secular."
Lainie replies: "Well Orthodox ANY religion isn’t tolerant of anything like that. But you’ve got to admit in the secular religious world Jews ARE more excepting! There are so many weather/famous/important gay and lesbian jews. Secular Christians still hate fags."