Porn Raids Catch 300 Illegal Workers, 2300 Eddie's Kids
2003-10-23 20:04:38
THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS SATIRICAL
Fred writes Luke: "You labeled it satire. Only a moron would have believed the story. Every loyal reader knows you're a champion of the under class; witness your recent expose on the exploited Mexican dildo workers. Upton Sinlair would be proud! They need to get a grip."
From Yahoo News:
CHATSWORTH, CA - Federal agents raided Goalie Entertainment headquarters and 60 of its stores across the country Thursday, arresting more than 300 illegal workers in an immigration crackdown at the world's biggest porno retailer.
Contacted for comment, setgo.com's Deep Under Cover said the whole story was satirical.
In addition, 2300 of Eddie's Kids were hauled away in shackles, their young innocent handicapped faces pressed against the wire meshing of huge black trucks.
Eddie's Kids will be flown to Guantonomo Bay, Cuba, along with Al Qaeda terrorist suspects.
Eddie W., with tears brimming in his deep dark eyes, told AVN.com that he "is in immediate need of millions of dollars in donations. Please, please, porners, put down your crack pipes for two days and donate the money to my retards. I need to bail them out. This is very wrong. It's all George Bush's fault. I'm a soggy mess. I've cried a river of tears."
Eddie says donations should be sent to:
L-ke F-rd
264 S. La Cienega Blvd, #1417
Beverly Hills, CA 90211
The workers were members of cleaning crews hired by outside contractors, but federal law enforcement officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity said Goalie owner Eddie Wedelstedt had direct knowledge of the immigration violations. They cited recordings of meetings and conversations among Goalie executives, managers and contractors.
"We have seen no evidence of this from the INS, and, if that turns out to be true, we will cooperate fully with law enforcement officials," Goalie spokeswoman Mona Williams said.
The workers were arrested as they finished their night shifts at Goalie stores in 21 states. Agents also hauled away several boxes of documents from an executive's office at Goalie headquarters in Colorado.
An employer can face civil and criminal penalties for knowingly hiring illegal immigrants or failing to comply with certain employee recordkeeping regulations.
Goalie stores had sales last year of $244.5 billion. The company has about 1.1 million employees in the United States, and it uses more than 100 third-party contractors to clean more than 700 stores nationwide, Williams said.
"We require each of these contractors to use only legal workers," she said.
The law enforcement sources said the investigation grew out of earlier probes of Goalie cleaning crew contractors in 1998 and 2001.
All the arrested workers were in the country illegally, said Garrison Courtney, a spokesman with Immigration and Customs Enforcement. They were detained at local immigration offices. Those who had no criminal record were released with instructions to appear before immigration judges.
Goalie is not the first big company to be targeted in an immigration investigation. Six managers at Adult Video News, based a couple of streets away from Goalie in Chatsworth, were charged in an immigrant-smuggling case in 2001.
AVN editors had apparently been using illegal Vietnamese labor to write most of its reviews and "news," as well as to make up the much vaunted AVN statistics about industry size, and annual sales being in the neighborhood of five billion dollars.
One defendant shot himself to death a few months after being charged, and two managers entered guilty pleas early in the case. A jury acquitted the sex toy company and three other managers.
Ulysses A. Yannas, an analyst with the investment firm Buckman, Buckman and Reid, said it is too much to expect Goalie to keep track of all of its vendors' workers. But he said the investigation could present a problem for the company.
"It is a question of what else it might bring out. These are long, drawn-out processes," Yannas said.
Top Goalie officials learned of Thursday's sweep when store managers began calling headquarters for guidance in dealing with the raids.
The arrests were made at stores in Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, Connecticut, Delaware, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Maryland, Michigan, North Carolina, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and West Virginia.
.............................................
From AVN.com, Mark Kernes writes:
LOS ANGELES - Gossip columnist L-ke F-rd, under his current pseudonym "Deep Under Cover," used the recent bust of Wal-Mart stores by federal immigration agents to take a jab at adult entrepreneur Eddie Wedelstedt, his company Goalie Entertainment, and — most importantly to Wedelstedt — the Eddie's Kids Foundation, the charitable organization which Wedelstedt founded to arrange for poor and abused children to attend sporting and other events.
For his article, titled "Porn Raids Catch 300 Illegal Workers," Ford copied an Associated Press story dated Oct. 24 from the national newswires and did little more than change the names to make it appear that Goalie rather than Wal-Mart had been raided, though he added material implying that Wedelstedt was a cocaine addict and that the Eddie's Kids beneficiaries were "retards."
The only clue within the story to indicate that the entire piece was a complete fiction was the fifth paragraph, which read, "Contacted for comment, setgo.com's Deep Under Cover said the whole story was satirical."
Apparently, Ford's half-hearted attempt to shield himself from a defamation suit was lost on many of Wedelstedt's supporters and contributors to the Eddie's Kids Foundation, who reportedly deluged Wedelstedt with calls of concern.
"My phone's been ringing off the hook from people who can't understand why I'd refer to these kids, whom I love and whom I've devoted so much effort to, as 'retards,'" Wedelstedt told AVN.com. "It's a good thing they know me well enough to know that I'd never even think something like that, but when they saw this article, they were confused and outraged."
"We in the adult industry have finally got a program that is so wonderful for children across the United States," Wedelstedt continued, "Literally, 70,000 kids a year are taken care of by the Eddie's Kids organization, and it's good for these kids. It's something that we care about from our hearts."
"This has nothing to do with the adult industry except for the fact that the wonderful owners of these companies put their money up with me for the benefit of these kids, and to see something like this happen — for that man to call those kids 'retarded,' it's just gone way too far. We're going to have to get our lawyers involved in this thing; it's as simple as that."
According to the Ford article, "In addition, 2300 of Eddie's Kids were hauled away in shackles, their young innocent handicapped faces pressed against the wire meshing of huge black trucks. Eddie's Kids will be flown to Guantonomo [sic] Bay, Cuba, along with Al Qaeda terrorist suspects."
The Eddie's Kids Foundation has the support of nearly a dozen major sports franchises in the western United States, all donating time, money and tickets to the effort to bring some enjoyment to the children, many of whom are from broken homes or orphaned. Eddie's Kids provides the children with free tickets to major league sporting events, transportation to and from the games, and refreshments. It also throws parties for the children during the Christmas/New Year's holidays and sponsors other activities in which the children would otherwise have no chance to participate.
"For this guy to try to tear all that down — I just don't understand it," Wedelstedt stated angrily.
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SOMEBODY GET MARK KERNES A LEGAL GLOSSARY
By Rodger Jacobs
AVN contributor and long-time staffer Mark Kernes is in a mad dog froth over a satirical piece that appeared on the electronic pages of Set Go.com (“Porn Raids Catch 300 Illegal Workers.”)
In the October 24 online edition of Adult Video News, Kernes asserts:
“Gossip columnist L-ke F-rd, under his current pseudonym "Deep Under Cover," used the recent bust of Wal-Mart stores by federal immigration agents to allegedly slander adult entrepreneur Eddie Wedelstedt, his company Goalie Entertainment, and —— most importantly to Wedelstedt —— the Eddie's Kids Foundation, the charitable organization which Wedelstedt founded to arrange for poor and abused children to attend sporting and other events.”
The article in question, a virtual cut and paste re-working of an Associates Press story about the raids on Wal-Mart stores, was indeed in dubious taste but Kernes, who often pontificates on legal issues concerning the adult entertainment industry in a manner suggesting he may have napped through a few pre-law courses, really needs to think before he bites.
The word you are looking for, Mark, is libel, not slander.
Libel is a three-pronged monster. Let’s break it down:
(1) The writer must publish an untruth about another person in a manner that is meant to be believed by others;
(2) The object of the author’s words must be damaged in some fashion;
(3) To distinguish libel from slander, the publication must be in some form of permanent impression, i.e., a book, photograph, illustration, magazine, web site.
DUC’s satirical article meets all three criteria, although it is hard to believe that Mr. Wedelstedt, as he asserts to Mark Kernes, had his phone “ringing off the hook from people who can't understand why I'd refer to these kids, whom I love and whom I've devoted so much effort to, as 'retards. It's a good thing they know me well enough to know that I'd never even think something like that, but when they saw this article, they were confused and outraged.”
Anyone who has been anywhere within sniffing distance of a newspaper or a news broadcast within the last 24 hours would have recognized DUC’s article as a painfully unfunny but Constitutionally protected satire of recent events.
Now, for the education of Mark Kernes, let’s take a look at an even more relevant legal ruling regarding slander versus satire. That case, of course, is the famous Flynt Publications, Inc. vs. Falwell. This was the case, you may recall, wherein a Hustler parody of a magazine advertisement asserted some pretty nasty things about the esteemed right wing evangelist.
A jury in the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Virginia found the parody did not amount to libel because of the high bar the courts set for public figures such as movie stars and politicians (and, yes, Eddie Wedelsedt is a public figure). These people cannot recover damages for libel unless a “reasonable person” would have thought that there was a “factual assertion that the depicted behavior actually happened.” The jury was not convinced, therefore, that a typical person reading the satire would have thought that Jerry Falwell really did bang his mother in an outhouse.
The jury did, however, believe that Flynt had “intentionally inflicted emotional distress” on Falwell and award him $200,000 in damages.
On appeal, the U.S. Supreme Court heard the case on the First Amendment question of whether a public figure can recover damages for libel and intentional infliction of emotional distress based on a satire, even a vicious satire.
The high court ruled in Flynt’s favor, finding that under the First Amendment, an obvious satire or parody of a public figure remains protected speech, even if it causes emotional distress to that person. The Chief Justice wrote that “robust political debate encouraged by the First Amendment is bound to produce speech that is critical of those that hold public office or those public figures who are intimately involved in the resolution of important public questions or by reason f their fame, shape events in an area of concern to society at large.”
Even court conservatives like Rehnquist endorsed the ruling, stating that satire, even grossly outrageous satire, has a long and important history in America.
So, get those kids back on the bus and quit yer bitchin’.
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A FAMOUS MALAYSIA READER OF THIS COLUMN (BNAI AMELAK)
WRITES IN DEFENSE OF L-ke F-rd
This would seem to be the perfect opportunity for Fred
to branch out from his patent thing into something
more glamorous, but in his absence, I will opine as
follows. (I speak not as a member of the bar, but as a
careful reader of various Sunday supplement articles.)
1. Anyone who couldn't figure out that this was a
satire, when you said it was, when you threw in that
stuff about hauling the kids down to Gitmo, is himself
likely mentally challenged. Of course, mentally
challenged people can often be quite violent.
2. Your bigger legal problem, should it arise, is
violating Associated Press's copyright in the
underlying story. You may have used it to concoct a
parody, but of what? Of whom? Not sure this is fair
use.
3. Your other problem is that I just don't see how you
can continue to maintain the fiction that you no
longer earn your keep through porn, when this and so
many other articles clearly linked to your name tell
the world just how you make your money. You are in
the porn game. Is this what one expects of a man who
has undergone an authentic conversion to Judaism? If
it is not, then how can you continue to be regarded as
Jewish? And if you are not Jewish, what are you?
Certainly Dr. Pierce had his doubts.
4. The issue of a porner (or a dope peddler or a
gangster) trying to launder his reputation by doing
"good" is worth exploring, even if in the form of a
very lazy and near-plagiaristic exercise in "satire."
Intellectually, this is your best defense. You were
using satire to explore the use of defenseless
children to burnish the reputation of a man or a group
of men (do these men belong to a group that rules the
world?)who have defiled many a virginal Christian girl
in the name of lust and profit. Why should they be
permitted a free pass?
5. Send some top quality hookers my way and I will
make all of this go away by bestowing upon you a form
of blanket immunity. I don't see why you continue to
refuse to pimp for me, when you are making your living
in porn, spreading lashon hora.DUC Tells All: Why I Wrote That Eddie's Kids Article
2003-10-26 05:53:11
As I go about the porn industry, I am often shocked and offended by how badly the retarded are treated. Frequently they are pushed in front of cameras, and have the bejeebers boffed out of them.
The plight of the migrant dildo worker also oppresses my soul. I've seen first-hand how the strain of pouring lubricant into plastic bottles can cause Repetitive Stress Syndrome.
My heart bleeds for the hardy souls who product test blow up dolls. It's such a soul-destroying career.
When I heard about the sweep of illegal immigrants at Wal Mart stores across the nation, I wondered, could this happen here in our beloved porn industry? What could I do to warn pornographers of the dangers of hiring illegal aliens? Would this not be an appropriate time to use a current event, phrased in the impersonal manner of TheOnion.com, to alert our good leaders about a pressing concern?
Then I called a porn girl and spoke to her for many hours until we were both thoroughly silly. I told her about my Goalie Entertainment story (I only chose that chain because of its respected standing within the community, because Eddie W always dedicates his awards to those who toil in his stores).
My girl had been drinking. It was beer number ten, I believe, for the evening when she surfed over to setgo.com and said, 'Ohmigod, Eddie's Kids.'
This immediately reminded me of the plight of the differently abled. When I was growing up, we called them "retarded." Then, in the 1980s, I remember we called them "handicapped."
I thought about how we separate the differently abled from the rest of society as though they were terrorists to be shipped off to Guantonomo Bay. My heart bled for their suffering and I thought warmly of the good work that Edward Wedelstedt and his supporters do with their "Eddie's Kids" program.
I wanted to draw attention to the program, to the suffering of those who are differently abled, and so I wrote a story that mocked, not Eddie's Kids, but our own callousness, our own lack of empathy for the less unfortunate.
I also wanted to draw attention to the plight of Al Qaeda suspects in our custody. Are we not treating them like retards? As Fyodor Dostoevsky says (as translated through Tom Zupko), you can tell a lot about a society by the way it treats its retards, drunks, pornographers and terrorists.
If what I wrote was miscontrued so as to appear to poke fun at Edward Wedelstedt, Goalie, or Eddie's Kids, then I, the entire staff at setgo.com, and the complete Adult Internet community apologize.
I've worked in and for this industry for many years and all I've ever wanted to do is uplift people. Yes, you've seen me on porn sets, but only ever to rescue fallen women from the clutches of evil pornographers.
Over the past seven years, I've rescued 38 fallen women and returned them to their weeping families. I've also engaged in intense one-on-one counseling with many of these depraved souls. Sometimes, all they need is some genuine affection to show them the right path.
Please call me The Missionary.
I'm like a light on the hill that won't be quenched.
I talk truth to power.
Eddie's Kids Burn Down DUC's Hovel
2003-10-26 19:13:51
Waving torches, singing songs, a crowd of furious Eddie's Kids satirically burned their way into DUC's hovel Saturday night.
They dragged Deep Under Cover out of bed, dressed him down about the finer points of First Amendment law and libel, then figuratively nailed him to a cross composed of made-in-China sex toys.
Afterwards, Eddie's Kids went to another sporting event.
"My phone's been ringing off the hook from people who can't understand why I'd refer to these kids, whom I love and whom I've devoted so much effort to, as 'retards,'" Goalie's Edward Wedelstedt told AVN.com. "It's a good thing they know me well enough to know that I'd never even think something like that, but when they saw this article, they were confused and outraged."
"We in the adult industry have finally got a program that is so wonderful for children across the United States," Wedelstedt continued, "Literally, 70,000 kids a year are taken care of by the Eddie's Kids organization, and it's good for these kids. It's something that we care about from our hearts."
"This has nothing to do with the adult industry except for the fact that the wonderful owners of these companies put their money up with me for the benefit of these kids, and to see something like this happen — for that man to call those kids 'retarded,' it's just gone way too far. We're going to have to get our lawyers involved in this thing; it's as simple as that."