Tuesday,
June 19th, 2001
What Would Luke Do?
Frank writes: Imagine a world in which porn is eliminated or forced so far underground that there is no mony in it for you. What would you do?
Luke replies: I would get a real job, any job, and seek work in entertainment and write in my spare time and read...and seek out a new niche where I can become an "expert" who's quoted regularly in the media, as a way to build a platform for myself for something bigger and better. I handle media interviews well because I have a lot of talent and interesting things to say.
Frank writes: OK, so why don't you give that a crack? Your web site has been way too semitic of late. Even that Cherrie-person looks semitic. Jewjewsjoos. La-de-da and fiddle dee dee. You need to infuse your site with some good rock-ribbed New Englandish WASP blood, and do with less of the sickly semitic material. Too much jew talk is not good for the neshama [soul]. Does porn ever lead to anything other than porn?
Luke's Adventurous Metro Monday
I had a terrific day of adventures Monday with my friends Rob Spallone and James DiGiorgio. It was like old times.
Across the street from Jim's Blue Light Pictures office, we saw Gigi Appleton's Avalon Distributors. Gigi's car got totaled Monday morning in an accident. Nobody was hurt. Gigi wasn't in the car, her receptionist was driving it. The man turned woman, director named Jennifer, was right behind Gigi's car when the accident occurred on Parthenia and Tampa Blvds.
Rob threw a fit Monday morning when former Penthouse model Brooke Lane told Rob that she'd accidentally double booked herself. She thought when Rob said on Friday, "we're shooting next Monday" that Rob meant the 25th of June. Rob meant the 18th. Rob throws a fit.
Riding in a car that Spallone drives is a frightening experience. He won't take directions and curses people out who tell him the right way to Metro.
We pay a surprise visit to the publicly traded Metro Home Video where we run into Metro executive Harry Weiss, formerly with VCA Xplicit, and Metro director Mike McCormick aka Quasarman and his producer Michael Adams.
Mike writes on his site QuasarmanRants.com: "Notorious primadonna porn harlot Brooke Lane drops a bomb which could forever alter the unblemished reputation of the pornographic film director known as "Quasarman" in an interview tape recorded this past weekend at an undisclosed location in the San Fernando Valley by Jim Digiorgio. This interview threatens to become a matter of public record in just a few days. According to industry sources the allegations will "blow the roof off Quasarman's world". Details remain sketchy at this hour but it seems that Ms.Lane was able to sober up long enough to semi-coherently descibe a litany of alleged misdeeds by the Quaze on the set of a video production from which she was summarily dismissed for behaving like an infant in need of a twelve step program. Will this be the end of the Quaze? Can he recover from such scandal unscathed? Will the words of a bleached blonde duck-faced alcoholic porn starlet be his demise?"
Quasarman responds: "I am not surprised and do not doubt for a second that Brook Lane has received scads of work after my angry tirade regarding her infantile behavior on my set last week. It is, and has been, the policy of this industry to reward morons of every stripe with forgiveness and continued employment. Case in point – Alexandria Quinn, a lying whore who cost this industry millions of dollars by lying about her age and then portraying an innocent young girl corrupted by pornography on Hard Copy has a contract with Elegant Angel and has no trouble finding producers and directors willing to pay for her services. Buck Adams, a man for whom crack was invented and to my knowledge has never completed a movie is gainfully employed in the adult industry."
At Metro we see an "Extreme" Car Detailing business next door. A cash business, it's probably operated by Rob Black and company for some nefarious purpose.
XXX writes: "I haven't confirmed this but I have it from a good source that Greg Alvez is no longer GM at Metro home video, some chick now has his duties. Greg is being transferred to the distribution arm, you may want to do some checking though. My guess is that Spallone was barking at the wrong guy. Add to that Greg isn't going to axe the two Mikes and I doubt his successor will either. It's all just blustering. But where's Greg Alves been the last two months? The Angel Cummings, Virgin Territory story hasn't been doing well for Metro. If they cull it will be from the low end."
Lane has several AA serenity chips on her key chain. She attends AA regularly.
Rob: "Two glasses of wine doesn't make her a drunk. I've seen her drink."
Jim: "Two glasses of wine doesn't mean she fell off the wagon."
Wayne: "She has controlled drinking."
Jim: "And it wasn't Thunderbird. It was Private Reserve. It was a fine wine."
Rob: "Leave Brooke alone. Brooke is in my top three [women]."
Michael Adams: "Brooke wanted to raid the homeowner's alcohol on Quasarman's set last week because she'd already drunk all the alcohol she'd bought with her."
Adams, 36, says that he and Q. have been drug free for eleven years.
Jim DiGiorgio: "Michael Adams and Mike McCormick might as well put their resignations in to Metro once my interview with Brooke Lane becomes public. It's explosive."
Rob says he had a porn girl whose father died twice in three months.
Rob: "I walked into the stage and I see this girl by the payphone crying. I ask, 'What's the matter?' She says, 'My father just died. I have to leave.' I say, 'Don't worry. Go.'
"Two months later, I hire her again. She must've forgotten she told me. She says, 'My father died. I can't make it.'"
Spallone keeps calling Metro general manager Greg Alves "Craig Alverez."
Weiss won't let me in the building. The two Mikes go inside with Harry, Rob and Jim to watch Jim's interview of Brooke Lane.
Rob: "Porno is the worst business in the world. We're pieces of s--- for doing what we're doing. We're all going to hell."
Toby Dammit shows off his new tattoo on his arm - the cartoon character Devilman.
Toby: "The devil doesn't necessarily mean Satan. And as I am an atheist anyway, I don't buy into that whole thing...
"I was an atheist before I got into pornography."
Luke: "What do you think about the Jews?'
Toby: "I don't have any ill will towards the Jews."
Luke: "Why do you think there are so many Jews in porn?"
Toby: "I think there is a lot of money to be made. And I think on the whole, the Jewish culture is smart in its monetary endeavors. That's why there are so many Jews who are heads of regular movie industries. That's why there are so many Jews in banking. It's all a money thing."
Luke: "Do you think they're crafty?"
Toby: "Not necessarily."
Then Rob, Jim, Wayne Crews and I drive away in our separate vehicles. I have a hard time keeping up. I get stuck behind a red light. I am alone. I feel alone. San Fernando Valley stretches before me long, hot and hazy.
The light turns green. I think I see Rob and company ahead in the distance. I'm right. They've pulled over to the side of the road to wait for me. I am not alone. I feel greatly comforted. It was one of those small acts of kindness that deeply reassure the insecure.
We have lunch at the Italian "San Carlo Deli" which is a big hangout for pornographers and wiseguys. I'm told to be on my best behavior.
I eat bruscetta and panzerotti - vegetarian bread dishes - and two lime sodas. Jim and Rob shovel down meat. No wonder they're bulking up.
Rob gets the bright idea to hang my picture on the wall to greet my fans at Metro when they come in to eat.
After that we proceed to the home in Northridge that Stephanie Swift and her then husband Reuben rented four years ago. I starred that June day in 1997 in the Shawn Ricks - Greg Steel movie "The Trickler Effect" with Sindee Coxx and Mila. Wayne Crews worked the crew that day.
From the AVN review: "Luke F-rd plays an unscrupulous writer (type-casting?) researching female ejaculation, who is in cahoots with whore-turned-literary agent Sindee Coxx."
The house is now rented by Dave Hardman and his mom - the famous new porn star Davina Hardman. She's done two sex scenes on video and one nude photo shoot.
She protests about her lack of makeup as I shoot photos of her.
Davina: "In my scenes I looked horrible because Jim [Powers] made me take my teeth out. I don't do that anymore. I looked horrible. And he wouldn't let me get made up because he wanted me to look real old."
Luke: "Did you feel exploited?"
Davina: "Yes."
Luke: "Degraded?"
Davina: "Yes."
Jim: "Did they still use your teeth in the scene?"
Davina: "Yes, and they let me keep my teeth for some parts. But no make up and everything. I felt like I looked like an old hag. Makeup makes a difference.
"I won't do it without makeup again. I want to look good. And I do look good when I'm made up and I fix my hair. I looked sharp Saturday [for the still shoot]."
Rob: "Mom you look fine all the time."
Dave Hardman's 300 pound sister Marci has also appeared in porn videos.
Rob yells at Jim: "Make this copy machine work."
Jim does. But he complains: "I'm an artist. I'm a filmmaker. I'm a serious filmmaker. I don't do copy machines. I don't hand out lube and towels."
Davina fears what her porn shoots will do to her relationship with her sons. I say that it will facilitate communication between the three of them.
We horse around with the girls. Kiki has bought a new digital camera and she keeps trying to pull down my shorts to take an embarrassing photo of me. My wood helps keep my shorts up.
Davina Hardman puts makeup on. She feels much better about herself. I take more photos of her. Compare and contrast below.
Rob and Jim shoot a nine girl orgy "A Girl's Affair #60" for Fat Dog - with Malibu (a tall blonde newcomer managed by Reb's Pretty Girl International), Jewel DeNyle, Heather Lyn, Kiki D'Aire, Alex Fox, Monique DeMoan...
One of the girls always uses a wig when on camera but I am not allowed to write about that.
Heather Lyn broke up today with her boyfriend of 15 months Alec Metro.
I meet Malibu, a tall blond represented by Reb at Pretty Girl International.
Kiki relates that in her first five months in Los Angeles, she lived contentedly with Reb and his wife Geri. "They treated me like family," says Kiki.
"I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend," complains Kiki, "and it is making my life hell. My girlfriend doesn't like my boyfriend and my boyfriend doesn't like my girlfriend."
Jim: "This girl [Kiki] could wreck a lot of marriages."
He means that as a compliment.
We're standing on a big long and wide roll of white paper against which Kiki poses before Jim DiGiorgio's still camera for boxcover shots. The budget's so low that there's no makeup artist or boxcover photographer on today's shoot. But there are bottles of cold water in the garage and later in the day, Rob orders pizza.
Wayne compliments Kiki: "I want you to know that I've jerked off to you. I have to say thanks."
Kiki: "Oh honey, you can jerk off to me anytime."
Wayne: "I have. After we shot. That time you spat in Herschel's [Savage] face."
Kiki: "I'm still upset that they [VCA?] made Jimmy cut that. That was so sexy."
Wayne: "No s---. When I saw that, I thought, this is my girl. Right here. You can spit in my face any day, not that I'm into that."
Kiki: "I ran into an unshaved bush the other day, just like they had in those 1970s porn movies. And it was the grossest thing I've seen."
Kiki and the girls must pose into the afternoon sun. They find it necessary to shut their eyes until told by Jim he's ready to click, then they spring open their eyes and shoot forth a "come hither" look. Kiki particularly changes from an ordinary look to an alluring sex pot that you want to pork in just the blink of an eye.
Later in the day, Jim tells Alex Taylor: "You were the only girl who got me hard on the set of Sopornos 3."
Alex: "Wow, and you shoot this stuff all the time... That's so nice of you. I don't know what to say."
Taylor's getting a tattoo removed from her bottom through laser work. She's had three treatments so far and needs at least another three. She must miss porn work for a week after each treatment, to allow time for scabs to form on her skin and peel off.
Heather Lyn talks about her role in "The Violation Of Jewel DeNyle": "I put a rubber dildo on the end of a US flag and f---ed the s--- out of Jewel DeNyle. I had her in the wingback chair and I was sitting on top of her in piledriver position, and I f---ed her to death. And for the last shot of the movie, we left the flag standing inside her."
Conceived in Florida, Heather was born in 1969 in Lancaster, Pennsylvania - Amish country. Her father in the Armed Forces, Lyn spent most of her childhood between Florida and South Carolina. She graduated high school in Georgia and then joined the Army for two years. I married a Marine, went to school to become an RN [Registered Nurse], got pregnant, and raised two kids (her son was born in 1994 and her daughter was born in 1997). After six-and-a-half years of marriage, Heather divorced in 1998 when her husband met a woman over the internet.
Lyn left Montana and moved to Arizona. She worked the door of a strip club. A friend introduced her to a porn photographer. Heather entered porno in the fall of 1999.
"This photographer asked me if I wanted to see what it [porn] was like, so we stopped at Jim South's office," remembers Heather. "Chaz signed me up and I worked that first day. I used to drive out here every week to work."
She paired up with Alec Metro from March of 2000 to the present.
"You're a whore," says Rob.
Heather: "I am not."
Rob: "You're a f---ing whore."
Heather: "I just love sex. And I can do what I want when I want."
Rob: "It's your body."
Heather: "And nobody looks at me and says, 'Oh my God, she's some crazy freak who wants to do that.' Because we're all freaks in this business."
Rob: "Not me."
Heather: "You especially.
"You know who I saw the other day? Shawna Edwards. She looks so different. I went to CES in January 2000 and sat next to her and she had really long straight hair. She looked so good. She's all tanned up. She's got really short hair with bleached tips. She went to Cosmetology school, she's been out of the business, and just came back."
Luke: "Is she with Jay Ashley?"
Heather: "No, Jay is with Aurora Snow."
Summer Storm walks by and Heather whistles and screams at her, "I'm going to get some of that."
Lyn turns to me: "She's got the sweetest ass. I met her in Jim South's office the very first time she came in."
Heather's appeared in about 100 porn movies. "I lost my organizer, which, as we all know, is our bible."
Most every porn girl I've known has had an organizer filled with photos and most importantly, the phone numbers of people in the business, particularly those who can offer them work.
Lyn sports a tight firm body with a flat stomach. She says she doesn't work out, but was simply blessed with good genes.
"Rob looks so different," says Heather. "He looks good, younger. I ran into him at Jim South's office and I didn't even know who he was. He started giving me s---, so I gave him s--- right back."
Luke: "Have you had any bad experiences in the industry?"
Heather: "No. I just take it as it comes. It's been said that I'm too businesslike. I'm older so I can't be all dingy and flighty and naive. I love work. I cater too for [porn] sets. Some people want only one hot meal, other people want three hot meals a day. I'm getting ready to cater for Jim Holliday."
Heather lost her virginity at age 13 and enthusiastically pursued sex during high school. "I was the only girl on the football team. I did one of my fellow football players in the f---ing bathroom in my high school right up the hall from my English class."
Rob: "You had a bad reputation."
Heather: "Not a bad reputation. I was comfortable with my sexuality. I grew up a tomboy and the guys were like, 'As many girls as we can tag, we're studs.' And if a girl did the same thing, we were sluts. You know what? I don't give a s---. I can be who I want to be. My mom taught us that we could do anything we wanted to do. I've done a lot of things. I didn't come straight into porn. I was a bookkeeper at a bank. I've run a polo club with 30 head of horses. I've raised two kids. I've worked in an emergency room. I love writing. I've started writing a couple of scripts."
Rob: "For porno? Porno don't need scripts."
Heather: "Just stories. I used to be an artist. I love to draw. But I love to cook. You know what I honestly want to do? I want to one, finish RN school, and two, become a photographer. Because I love composition and all that stuff. I'm anal retentive."
Rob: "Good girl. You should become a nurse, marry a doctor and live happily everafter."
Heather: "Why do I have to marry a doctor?"
Rob: "Because that's what they do."
Heather: "I am just going to have boytoys. I'm at my sexual peak. I need some 20-year old who can keep up. That or someone hung really well who takes a lot of Viagra.
"If I go a while without having sex, my testosterone and sexual appetite goes down. But when I start masturbating, it builds up again. For medical reasons, I didn't have sex for six weeks and I went nuts. But I masturbated anyway."
Rob: "You shove everything in there."
Heather develops a guttural roar in her throat: "On occasion, I get stuck doing a scene with a girl who's never done a girl before. And that's tough because I get loud and rough at times. I don't want to terrify them because they can't all be pretty Andrew Blake scenes.
"Gwen Summers talks the greatest trash. She's so soft spoken and really dainty. She's great."
Heather tells Alex Taylor: "The last time I saw you, I was shooting behind the scenes footage and this chick squirted off the couch and I got squirted."
An attractive busty woman in her late 40s comes by the house looking for Stephanie Swift. She claims that Stephanie's banging her husband, a contractor who came to work on the house.
The pool man says that the Jewish star Cherie has a tight hard body like his first wife. After cleaning the pool, he hangs around the set all afternoon to watch the lesbian orgy. He threatens to pull out his wanger.
Brooke Lane never shows.
Davina Hardman comes outside repeatedly to ask the girls to tone it down. She's afraid the neighbors will hear their explicit talk and call the police.
Kiki says the only place she can find bras for her F cup breasts is Fredericks of Hollywood.
Heather Lyn considers a breast job. HBO may follow her through the process. Heather says how nice Dr Fisher is in Beverly Hills. But her friend works for a plastic surgeon and she can get implants for half of. Lyn wants to laser off her tattoo with the name of her ex-husband and rid herself of her Caesarean scar.
Rob says he has a plastic surgeon doctor who can give her the best deal. Rob provides girls with cars and boobs and lunch and dinner. He takes care of many people.
Luciano stops by with Jewel DeNyle. I snap photos.
Blah writes: "Hey Luke, Will somebody please put Jewel De'nyle on a diet. She was one of the hottest chicks in porn and now she is plumping up. Her pictures show she needs to lose about 15-20 lbs. She was always a little thicker but now she is becoming a lard ass. Get it together Jewel. And while you're at it, lose the stupid bangs. Kiki-go back to the braids. That mop you call a hairdo now isn't flattering. You could stand to lose a few lbs as well. Think Jessica Drake or Sydney Steele (without the huge nose) that's the type of body you want to shoot for. Why do you think Devon is so popular. Because she is tiny with Massive cans."
Luke says: I think Jewel is terrific as she is. I like women with womanly bodies, not painfully skinny ones.
Luciano says Kendra Jade flaked on him and on Legend.
Wayne Crews ran into veteran porn star Jamie Leigh at the movie theater last week by Metro in Chatsworth. Wayne says she looks healthy and good. She says her new boyfriend is a famous tattooed writer.
Ava Vincent In August Penthouse
Cutter writes on RAME: For those Ava Vincent fans out there, she is the covergirl and pet of the month in the August 2001 Penthouse. She truly shows that someone with a natural body (They list her measurements as 34-24-34, I assume a B cup) can look like a Porn Superstar.
Greg Lasrado Waves Goodbye To Pornography
Here's an interview with Brisbane pornographer Greg Lasrado that the Australian Porn Mafia don't want you to see.
Greg Lasrado: "I was approached by a big European company about six months ago. And they wanted to take out my business in whole [SharedEarnings.com, (filthy cash is now going to remain with mike fruchter), and all my casino licenses. I was hesitant at that time because I hadn't heard of the company. So I went over, I researched. I had a look at all their offices. They have them all over Europe and in America. They wanted me to introduce them to the American market. On top of that they are some of the nicest guys I have done business with over the past 7 years in this game.
"They came out to Australia and we finally struck a deal that we're all happy with. And all I have to do is work with them for the next four to six months, for the transition, introduce them to all the webmasters that I currently deal with, plus promote their new project. They're trying to do the first international adult webmaster group. They're going to be able to utilize traffic into European sites as well as Western and sites, adult, non-adult and casinos traffic. And we have the infrastructure for the casinos and the adult in the Western world. The reason I am working with them over the next few months is simply to make it an easy change over and also due to the language barriers. We showed them what to do. Now IBill have become very interested in the project. And will be involved in helping other webmasters to take advantage of being able to earn revenues in markets that they were not able to previously.
"They're really nice guys. Straight shooters. Recently I went over to Hawaii and we had a bit of relaxation and we chatted and whatnot. I will be arriving in the states in the next few days to start this change over process.
"These guys have been in business for a while in Europe. They have content and will release soon a large content company. They have live European feeds. They have a hell of a lot of unique content that has not been seen by the western world which will be an advantage for webmasters sending traffic to them as the retention will be much greater as this is all new.
"Most of the U.S. based webmasters can't make money off their European traffic. Because most billing companies, scrub all European credit cards. So these guys will be able to facilitate European credit card transactions. It will be a extra revenue source for some of the bigger internet players to now have a solution to generate income from their European traffic which till now has not been utilized When in Vegas we will be meeting with some of the larger companies to initiat business.
"Some of my staff will move to Germany and they'll send someone here to run the operations out of Brisbane. I've signed a non-compete clause. I won't play in the adult arena again.
"I'll still generate traffic. I'll obviously be doing mailings and things like that. Because I've got huge lists. All my lists go across them as well. All my mailing solutions go to them. Everything.
"I'm working with a billing company It's Brisbane based. I'm helping them develop an billing company for Australia. Their second billing platform will be the one I develop for them. They don't have any detailed back-end reporting like IBill. I'm getting all my programmers together and we're going to build that for them. They're funding it. That'll be my project for the next six to eight months."
Luke: "They won't process adult stuff?"
Greg: "I don't believe so. They're a mainstream company."
Luke: "What happened with your legal battle with Guy McKenzie and Yohan Lewis?"
Greg: "They screwed me over. I ended up paying them US$450,000. They took my content and my lists and so they have a fairly big legal battle coming on their hands. So that will unfold slowly. I'm going to pursue it as a personal interest. The Australian federal police are involved. A local business man was also involved in their operations, it was unpleasant what they did to my company and this is one of the reasons that I would like to get out of the business, as dealing with people like dirtydollar and yohan lewis and guy McKenzie really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Guy and Yohan have now started a successful business although they did it on the back of taking my intellectual property and benefiting from that.
"When I first met guy he did not have a cent to his name. He worked in a photo copy shop and that was it. Now he prances around in a flash car with the funds he earned while being with me. I don't see these guys being around for a long while. Not if I have anything to do with it. There is also another guy here in au Brisbane that they just screwed over for about 150k au. I will get him to contact you and let you know what happened as I don't know the full story. It will be interesting to run into these f---s in Vegas. As I know that guy is spinless prick, who had nothing and now things that he made a few bucks he can be involved in this industry. Not one of the operators in Brisbane will have anything whatso ever to do with them. As they know their history here and what they did to my company. Anyway I could bitch and moan about these guys all day long but what goes around comes around."
Luke: "Is your girlfriend Melissa Croskery?"
Greg: "No. That fell through. She's still a good friend and I talk to her constantly. It just didn't work out. She's ten years my junior. I've got a very nice person at the moment. She's my age. We're having a lot of fun. I just want to get into general mainstream living and get out of all this porn crap. I've been doing property development around Brisbane and a few other ventures. I've been buying storage sheds and whatnot to get passive incomes.
"I want to slow things down. It's three o'clock in the morning right now and I'm still sitting here in front of a bloody computer. I don't want to do that anymore.
"When I get together with Scott Phillips, we don't discuss much business. We just shoot the s---, play pool and get drunk. He is a great guy. Ask him his opinion of Lewis and Mckenzie.
Luke: "Scott's involved in the internet casinos?"
Greg: "He started down that track , although I don't know his business plans for them so I cant really comment on this. They're not as easy as people think they are to run. I think you can earn more money by sending traffic to them than by actually running them. A lot of adult webmasters who are trying to get into casinos are failing. Scott is one of the most successful operators in the market place so he really does not have to work anymore.
"There are some guys out of Israel who are running the casinos best. The Boss Media Group in Sweden. Online Gaming Systems.
"I have one of the 5 Norfolk Island [off the coast of Australia] licenses. Those are difficult licenses to get. You have to go through a long criminal check, asio etc...
"East Germans are big gamblers. And this company I sold to has big contacts with German and general european media... So they should do well."
Luke: "What does it mean to provide a solution for a mailing list?"
Greg: "If you look at any of our mailings that go out, there are removes on there and double opt-in [meaning, you have to sign up twice to receive a mailing]. We're not getting much heat at all from MAPS as we are doing this correctly. For the past three to six months, we've been one of the few people who haven't been shut down for mailing. Other guys have been turned off [by the MAPS Black Hole list which bans spammers] and they've had to relocate. My mailing solution has been in the same spot for the last year and a half. Sure, we're still mass mailing but we're getting little heat. We're cleaning the lists. When someone wants to remove, we remove."
Luke: "How are your chargeback rates?"
Greg: "The norm. They're sitting about five percent which is average for mailing. On our general traffic from webmasters, our chargebacks are only around 1.5-2%.
"I want to set up a billing solution in Australia because there's a chance we could have an offshoot billing company that provides a solution for adult operators out of other merchant accounts like Bank of Scotland, or NatWest. And because I'll know the operators, I'll know who are the spammers and who aren't. And I'll deal with the guys who aren't the spammers, who won't cause heat. Whose chargeback levels will be low. We'll spread their chargebacks across mainstream as well as adult."
Luke: "Are you dealing with Carlos Pereira, the guy who got you in trouble with the pagejacking?"
Greg: "No. But Guy and Yohan deal with him. If you go to any of his sites, they're advertising their sites. Guy and Yohan run DirtyDollar and a ring of bestiality sites. They use aliases and offshore companies but I've tracked it all down. Although with what I have been doing with the authorities here, we have managed to get screen shots and copies of what they were running as they keep moving them. So Guy and Yohan are going to get a little bit of local press here. We have a tape recording of a meeting of guy and yohan with a person that they ripped of here in Brisbane so that should be interesting.
"When Guy and Yohan left here, they went straight to Carlos to get traffic.
"Guy has organized for him to be sending him traffic to his beastiality sites. Again I have full screen shots etc and links to their offshore companies.
"John's about the only major [internet porn] player left in Brisbane. Scotty's made enough money. Dean's about the straightest shooter around. He's always done things by the book. Sure, everyone sends out mail and whatnot but he's pretty much upfront. Runs good programs.
"Al Hunt still contracts to me. He's not my CEO anymore. He's in Florida now developing an alliance with one of the billing companies there to be able to process credit cards for casinos out of Australia. Because you can legally do that here and you can't do it out of America. Al is a very astute business man and will be very successful in his new venture.
"Mike Fruchter still runs FilthyCash and I take a percentage. I met him a long time ago. He comes out of the Password industry [passwords to pay sites] and he got me contacts with all the password guys. Then I taught him how to do mainstream.
"Mike Loewe will be the traffic and webmaster manager for the international companies the European people run. He'll be taken over by them. He's in Jacksonville, FL, working directly with the Europeans. I'm going to help these Europeans integrate with the US webmasters. Because noone [in the US] has a solution for European traffic. It just dies. They lose money on it. Rather than get nothing, they might as well get a percentage on a revenue share basis."
Luke: "How did IBill get all of Brisbane porn's business?"
Greg: "We liked how IBill operated, even though they have the hardest scrubbing in the industry [to prevent processing troublesome credit cards]. If we went to other processors, we'd probably double our income. But IBill is there to stay. As you've seen, a lot of the other billing companies have gone by the wayside."
Alvin the Chipmunk Was Better for the Jews than Alvin the Pornographer
Bernard Klatt writes: Hi Luke, .. great website (as usual). Thanks for running the Doc Pierce commentary even tho you'll probably get flak for it. But you didn't include the pic that goes with it...... I'm surprised your friends at the shul haven't tried to censor you (especially on this topic).
Chaim Amalek writes: I did [look at that pic], and boy, does that truth hurt. What does MrHollywoodJew have to say about the preponderance of jews in smut? It is bad enough that he chooses to look the other way, far worse that he and his kind insist others look the other way as well. He should know that not all goyim are as stupid as he believes them to be (most, but not all), and that the numerically disproportionate presence of so many jews in porn reflects very badly on the torah and on other jews - even jews who support democrats and who donate money to the schvartzes.
The day will soon be upon us when cowardly head-in-the-sand, Oscar-worshipping Hollywood Jews like MHJ and money worshipping jews like that Fisbbach fellow will have to account for their inaction in the face of this form of barbarism.
This Saturday evening, after the Sabbath Queen departed, I went to a special performance at Studio 54 in New York City. The first performer was the not-as-fat-as-I-am Alvin Goldstein, attired in a Screw T-shirt. Fairly funny, even if his words are some of the glue that may yet seal our tribal doom. He was followed by Ron Jeremy who, like Alvin, is a jew. (There was also some irritating wannabe kid something or another, who needs another career path.) to be fair, Ron is a funny guy, in a borscht-belt sort of way. But the bottom line is that virtually all of the degenerates on the stage, pimps and whores alike (and as a man-whore, Ron is one of the latter) were jews. No doubt this filled the minds of the gentiles in the audience with all sorts of harmful notions as to what the jew is about. A very bad night for the jews, even as the jews in the audience (and there likely were many) laughed it up.
MHJ writes: I do not worship the Oscars but I have long worshipped the goddesses of porndom. I make no apologies. Yes there are lots of Jews in porn but there are even more gentiles in the biz. There are also lots of Jews in law, in medicine, in academics, in finances, in retail. Hell, there are lots of Hasidim in NYC cutting diamonds -- so? I mean, what's Chaim's point? So there are Jews in porn -- so the f--- what?
This is FUNNY? What, I make you goyim LAUGH? The Jews are not laughing....
MrHollywoodJew writes Luke: I'd make a lousy father, Luke. Especially being as how I'm only a couple of years older than you and don't even live in Hollywood anymore. Thanks for the compliment though, son!
Hi Luke! This is Lisa aka ex-Mrs. MHJ. im over here hanging with my ex tonite and reading your stuff and its funny Luke! i luv the banter back and forth between y'all. But MHJ says he's not gonna play this game much more cos Chaim Amalek is a Jewish streicher, whatever that means. The other nite when MHJ said not to marry ex-escorts he meant me, Luke. That wasn't nice was it? No. But i think i made him change his mind tonite!!!!!!!!!!
Chaim Amalek writes: Is she speaking of the jewish sex Merchant of New York? And what is a streicher (Julius S?) If Julius, than how am I like him? For sounding the tocsin, warning jews of the toxins of their own making, and warning them when they still might respond? No, think not of me as any of your wickedly great enemies.
Rather than hear from the judeo/Itallic smut merchants, who clearly have vested interests here, I prefer to hear what your chaverim at shul have to say about jewish involvement in the sex trade. Do they deny it? If so, then you must educate them, no matter the personal cost to you. It clearly is God's Plan, the reason He placed you in the belly of the Beast. Do they acknowledge it but hope that it just goes away or that no one notices if it does not? Preach to them Amalek, buttressed with the screeds of Pierce to educate them that they are mistaken. Or are they willing to get off their bums and deal with it? If the latter, then they should form an alliance with AMALEK AM-LUKE Luke F-rd to fight this sin, and thereby preemptively combat the antisemitism that will otherwise descend upon their children's future. Best wishes to the ex-mrs something or another on her upcoming remarriage to MHJ. Will there be a chuppa?
MHJ responds: MHJ realizes he cannot compete with the likes of frume Jews who wish to remain separate and deny their own place in the wider community of the world. Lisa thinks it funny that MHJ is arguing with a (presumably) fictitious figure about Judaism -- on a porn site! MHJ and ex-(#3)Mrs. MHJ do not intend to remarry so there will be no chuppah. She already has MHJ's SLK (note NOT a Lexus) and half their olde club, so that is plenty. Since She and MHJ are business partners and friends, why NOT have sex? Especially considering that's how they met in the first place. Anyway, MHJ is retiring to the sidelines to watch and listen but to say nothing more for a while. Like Jenna Jameson, he is tired of being beaten and battered by Luke F-rd's internet friends and so is saying "Shalom" for now. I leave the future of "Am Yisroel" in the capable hands of rebbe Chaim.
Chaim Amalek writes: Luke, if I am Julie Streicher, is your web side Die Sturmer?
I gots to know. I know that this guy is not REALLY a Hollywood jew like your friend... Does he have any connection to Hollywood at all, or is that just an accidental moniker? Do any REAL Hollywood Jews (porno-juden do not count) read your web site? PS Luke, how do your friends in shul react to your membership in the National Alliance?
Luke says: MHJ is no Hollywood Jew, he's just another money grubbing secular Jewish pimp who operates morally degenerate strip clubs. Please, no offense meant MHJ.
Chaim replies: Well then, this is misleading. I want a REAL Hollywood Jew to be my whipping boy. I want a Barbra Streisand worshiping liberal democratic multiculturalistic Arafat-forgiving secularly jewish producer/director/writer who lives and works in Hollywood to use as my rhetorical toilet. (And remember, porno-Juden do not count.) Do any of these, with perhaps coprophillic tendencies, read your work?
MHJ writes Luke: HeHe! I'm just playing and having fun with this. There are lots of points of view on such lofty matters as religion and porn. I get defensive when it comes to Judaism. I also get defensive when people slam my business as "degenerate." If sexually oriented businesses such as Gentlemen's Clubs and Escort Services are so awful, then why, pray, are they so popular and lucrative? And what does the religion or ethnicity of the owner really matter? We are all in this world together and we should try to be able to get along (geez, do I sound like a '70s Coca Cola commercial or what?).
Chaim replies: Luke, I leave it to you to answer these questions. If people like something, can it really be bad?
Luke says: Yeah, all men are born naturally programmed to be adulterers. It is highly unnatural to remain monogamous and faithful to one's spouse. Ergo, adultery must be ok.
A Question From Luke F-rd
Why have I published so much antisemitic material on my site of late? Could it have anything to do with Fathers Day, and my subconcious desire to sabatoge my recent attempts to replace my true Christian Father with a jew from morally degenerate hollywood? Or do I want to make myself a pariah amongst all of the Lexus-driving jewesses of LA?
Has Luke Sold Out for a BJ and a Knishe?
Milton Bradley writes: Gene, I've been reading Luke F-rd for some time and he has changed from the rebel, news breaking journalist to something less than objective. His kosher plate of journalism hides the obvious and he seems to suck ass with the best of them. Luke has no keel to his lil boat afloat in the porn news sea. Luke took the position some time ago that he was going to expose the "whoredom" of Nici's girls and other escort services. He reported about girls turning tricks and related issues. It looks very clear that Nici is now Lukes best friend. He has said not a bad word about the woman; when months before he lambasted her. Now he is the "whore times" of the internet. Did Nici pay Luke off with a free blowjob from one of her girls or did she send some 300 lb ape named Alfonse to his hubble and threaten him with bodily injury or death if he continued his investigation into her whore empire? Luke, you've sold out and have lost your objectivity. Get off your knees and stop sucking dick. We want the truth; but it seems Luke "Jewdom" of truth depends on who strokes his fragile new found kosher ego. Luke, the "Cat Stevens" of Porn.
Snotty Boy writes: Hey its obvious; Here are the facts about Luke F-rd:
Any time Luke pisses someone off he gets a phone call or a visit from one of their bad associates telling him to shut his lil trap or hes gonna get his ass kicked. Several people have told me that if Luke blasts ya on his site; just call him up and tell him youre gonna beat his ass; then he shuts his mouth. You want me to name the girls that are off limits on Lukes site because their hubbies or suitcase pimps went over to beat him? The list is long; Like Milton said, Nici of Nici's girls.
How many porn girls have called him and said "oh Luke please don't print the truth about me", or lied to him and to stroke his own ego, he agrees but for a price. Hes too f---ing stupid to realize hes been played out. Luke only reports the news to get a kickstart to his masturbation sessions and then he runs off to shul to feel bad about it. We all know he uses kosher chicken fat(schmaltz) for lube.
I agree, Luke get the f--- off your knees and stop begging for the world to love you. If you want to be a journalist keep your putz in your pants and report the news; or do like the rest and sell out for a side of lox and a signed pair of soiled panties from your latest jerk off fantasy. By the way, Luke, where do you keep all that "seed" that you dont dump on the ground? In a pickle jar?
Cindee Plenum writes: hi luke its mee, cindy plenum! Life here in Europe has gotten very tough for what I do, all because of that hoof and mouth disease thingy. Everyone is scared that microlivestock might spread it around, so I am being forced to return to America. And to Los Angeles at that! I hope that once I make the move, you and I can have lunch every now and then. (I promise not to take you to places that serve meet!) No problem, I have a better idea. I know what you are thingink, "what will cindy do here?>"
My anser is this. I want to start a brothel like the one that your friend nicci girls has, except mine will cater to a taste that is not yet met in a brothel setting. I want to open an Animal Brothel, where men (and women, as you well know!) can go to satiate their animalistic desires to cross the species barrier that racists impose on us. Yes it it controversial, but so too was sex between black and white a few years back and now everyone does it. My place will be SAFE and LOVING for one and all.
I picked LA because I am sure that I can hire all th animal wranglers I need from the movie industry (anyone wnt to moon light?). And there will be a veterinarian on duty 24 hours a day, to make sure that things are on the up and up. You and me can do athis, Luke, oh yes we can! Love and XXXXXs, Cindy!
"I thought Luke was better than this - In truth he is every bit a scoundrel as the most vile "porners" whose sound bites he lives off of"
Hank Rose writes GeneRossExtreme.com: RE: Luke F-rd: "Why Italians can be found in porn makes sense as Italians have criminality in their genes, look at the Mafia"
Say what? Shame on you Luke. You're identifying an entire gene pool of European people with Hollywood stereotypes which associate an infantesimal demographic percentile with mass pop culture.
On the contrary, you find a lot of Italians in porn not only because of peripheral mob influence but because we like sex and happen to rank among the world's greatest lovers. Are the names Tom Byron, Joey Silvera and Rocco Sifredi made men? No, they make women on camera.
I think you said "criminality" when you really meant lust or temper. And it applies mainly to Sicilians, who at the same time boast the greatest entertainer of all time in Frank Sinatra.
That inflamatory stance is more foolish a blanket statement as anything I've ever said in a fit of anger over my love/hate relationships with Jews---my wife included.
Your spiel sounds like the same kind of Nazi state propaganda that put most of Europe's Jews in Concentration Camps and/or 6 feet under in the 40s. How can you be an orthodox Jew and yet practice hate speech?
You may not know this, but despite Italy's role in the WW 2 Triple Alliance, El Duce was hung with his squeeze and more ITALIAN JEWS escaped the Holocaust than any other Jewish ethnic group. Do your homework. We are tight people who built America and Hollywood together with brains and braun.
If you wish to attack the mob, you must then include Jews who populate its ranks as front men when their own operations are not backed behind the scenes by the real or imagined threat of mob violence as well.
How can you call yourself an objective unbiased reporter? You demonize porn and then try to date and lay its women. You target the "bad" Jews of porn and then masquerade as a "good" Jew who thinks that calling a spade a spade really matters. Oye vey!
Even us unsung B actors with footnote careers have had our fill of your beating the dead horse of controversy on the porn beat. Go paint the sky blue. Go find a pig and color it pink. Call an ugly greaseball with a vowel at the end of his name a Saprano. Take advantage of a porness and then call her a slut.
Go report on "bad people" and then turn into one of them yourself. Mirror the monster. Ply your trade within the reflection. But be blind to the glare of self truth. Because then the hot lights will burn your double standard vision.
I never stepped foot in a school of higher learning but I can out verbalize you no matter how many REAL Jews you wanna put in your academic corner. Luke, another word for convert is wanna-be. You are no more a real Jew than I am an Aussie fisherman hunting the Great White Shark.
In porn wannabes are sexual window shoppers in the adult candy store of life. They settle for sloppy umteenths behind the scenes with bone-picking starlets whose bodies are full, whose minds are empty but whose faces love to listen to your quasi-moral music for that oral sex woe-is-me sound bite.
The world thinks no more lowly of us for your journalistic input. Wake up. Do you want it inscribed on your tombstone that you spent your entire career looking up the skirt of the sex industry, jacking off and calling us names?
Stick and stones, Mr. Ford. Sour grapes, Mr. Ford. I'm sure there is a Devil on one shoulder who lusts for the fruits of our labor and an Angel on the other with an inbred fear of beautiful women. And sex. And porn. Because the grapes are beyond your reach. Your pecker is too small, your tongue is too dry...but your pen is wet and your mouth is big.
So the only exorcism that will free you from your erotic holy war is for you to get laid in front of a camera. It would be the ultimate scoop. Lesser men than you have put their putz where their pen is. Mark Kernes made a fool of himself, scoring points with the balls to do so.
But watch out that Mr. Ross here with his Clark Gable looks doesn't one day become a one shot wonder for kicks, beat you to the punch and get the inside dope on us. Want the truth? There is none. It's lay for pay. Better to be a whore and make it feel good than to be a false preacher whose pulpit is covered in the sweat, blood products and sin you claim are poison.
The mirror of your soul has been cracked and is broken, Luke. You've been had. Without porn scum, there'd be no flesh pond for you to swim in. You'd be nothing but a talking head without a cause.
So thank God for porn. When you're locked out of the Pearly Gates come Judgment Day, don't complain to the Lord that your purgatory condo is all sticky and slimy and you have nothing to write on or about.
After all, by then all your ink will have been spent. And you'll still be just another jerkoff in the eternal porn theater up in the sky. Quit while you're still behind and find a nice Jewish girl. The Playpen Of The Damned holds no sexual prisoners. Lie with and about the gonad golem long enough, and you become one yourself.
Whether you write your smut legacy with cum facials or you pretend to be a porn angel with a clean face. You can't fool me. I can see it's dirty...just like a cheap hood in an old James Cagney film. Hammerin' Hank Rose
Kenny writes Luke: Dear Luke, With reference to your recent comments concerning innate Italian criminality, may I just remind you of an opinion that is widely held in England. It states that the vast bulk of the Australian population is directly descended from petty offenders transported away for life from England and Ireland's pestilential gaols and/or the wretched refuse of Victorian workhouse.
Max writes Luke: Hello there Luke- I just read that piece on your website but some guy, I dont know his name. The guy that says something about you being a convert? What does that have to do with anything? You should be commended- I'll tell you something, I'm a Jewish 30 year old and I have not met many people who want to convert to Judaism- why do it? Its not easy being Jewish in America or anywhere. What a foolish statement to say, Italians are in porn because they are good lovers???????? I wouldnt dare being quoted saying that. You tell that to any EDUCATED (whether street smart or Uni) Italian, or Italian American and you'll get smacked or laughed at with pitty
Dave Hardman's Mom
Curious writes: Hi Fritz, So is it true that you did a scene with Hardman's mom?
Fritz@FritztheCat.net replies: Sure, Dick Nasty was out of town, he usually likes to break-in those old ladies. I usually stay within the 18 to 56 age range.
Curious asks: Do you think Dave is pissed?
Fritz replies: Nope, he's her pimp, lol.
Curious writes: You are a true professional, sir. Anyone could go in and f--- an Asia Carerra on film, but a 71 year old floozy? That takes skill, tenacity and copious amounts of Jack Daniels. So give me the scoop. Anal? Facial? Crotchless bladder control undergarments?
Fritz the Cat replies: Thanks, it started-off her going down on me, then vaginal, a few cumshots but none on her face.
Luke Gets Mail
Wild Bill Whitrock writes: Hello, Gene. I just wanted to announce my new series, Scat Factor. I am currently looking for distribution of this series. Scat Factor is a scat series done in a way that has never been seen before. Every scat gets swallowed. With the mail order success I've had with Real Brown Showers, I felt it was time to take things to the next level. Scat is more than a fetish. It's a lifestyle. As a pioneer of Scat videos, I am sure the time is right for Scat Factor. And, to my would-be distributers, Scat Factor is completely defendable in any court.
Ian writes: "Hi Luke, You say: "The reality is all porn stars and nude models are hookers." You later explain (I think) why it is probable that Jenna Jameson did not do escorting (at some stratospheric price.) You also describe in great detail how some strippers look down on others who strip more lewdly, and how some pornstars do don't do anal look down on others who do. It doesn't seem much of a step to say that it is quite likely that many pornstars look down on others who are prepared to escort, because that makes them hookers, whereas if one doesn't escort one can regard oneself simply as an actress (a distinction I regard as quite legitimate.) Mark Rylance, the distinguished Shakespearean producer and actor, is shown being fellated in a current mainstream film (whose name escapes me, though it is well-known). It would be a bold person who would say that that performance means that Mark Rylance is a male hooker. What he did was to act in front of a camera in a realistic way, because the acting part called for it. I don't see why more conventional porn actresses can't be allowed to say the same."
Dyanna Lauren Talks About Vivid Owner Steve Hirsch On Howard Stern
XXX writes: A source close to the Gary the Retard porno admitted that not much of Gary's scenes were used because he was ``too loud'' when directing and he could be heard on video. Also, his direction wasn't much more than ``Lick her ass.''
Tell me something Luke. Why did Vivid send Dascha and Kelsey along with Dyanna Lauren to Howard Stern on the Gary the Retard directed scene? none of the three worked with Gary, matter of fact the unnamed actress in the scene isn't even a Vivid girl.
When Dyanna approached the actress she (Dyanna) promised a spot on Stern then the actress got snubbed when the time came to live up to the bargain. The girl who was in the scene that Gary directed was Felicia Fox. Besides, for all the carrying on about all of this Gary was in The Whack Pack Gangbang with Alexandra Quinn where he essentially barks the same encouragement and gets a lot of screen time to boot, I would choose that one over the Vivid scam any day it was hilarious.
Hello Luke....... Dyanna Lauren was asked questions by Howard about the major success story of the "owner" of Vivid. Dyanna became VERY nervous and when asked about the Vivid owner's hundreds of millions of dollars...she became even more nervous and her voice became kind of frazzled. She was muttering all sorts of comments about remaining silent about all that and something about IRS agents listening. Poor Dyanna was really put on the spot and in a difficult position live on national radio. I was laughing my ass off listening to every word....just knowing that word for word would be transcribed at some point on LF.com.
howard said hundred million.and I could hear the lump building up in dyannas throat....i felt sorry for her.... watch....it will be cut from the TV edit. watch....it will be cut from the Tv edit. Just like all the paul fishbein mafia references on stern. Funny material set aside for "image."
i was rolling......just waiting to read all the people emailing into you about that aspect of the stern interview...very funny stuff..no vivid names were givem..dyanna played dumb.smart girl ;-)
Luke says: Steve and Vivid are notorious within the industry for their fancy movement of money in and out of their offshore accounts.
From MarksFriggin.com: Gary the Retard came in to talk about this porn movie ''Interactive Shock Jock'' that he directed... well, one scene was directed by him. Also in with Gary was director/actress Diana Lauren who has been in over 160 pornos herself.
Howard spoke to Gary and Diana for a few minutes about what happened at the shoot. Diana said that Gary directed one scene where a DJ gets sex from a stripper. He got to hang around for 3 days while they shot the rest of the movie also. We found out that Gary had to pleasure himself after one scene. He ended up going out in a back alley to whack off. Howard had a couple of the other girls who were in the movie come in also.
Dasha and Kelsey came in and talked to Howard about their porn careers for a few minutes. Gary didn't get to work with either of them on his day of directing though. Howard was fascinated with Dasha after he found out she used to be a nanny before she became a porn star. He spent a short time trying to find out more about that. She said she never had sex with any of her employers though. She eventually stopped doing that and became a stripper. She was homeless at one point and that's how she became a porn actress.
Howard asked all of the girls if they'd even consider having sex with a retarded person like Gary the Retard. They all draw the line at that idea.
Luke asks: I heard there were interesting tapes of Paul Fishbein and a couple of his girls on the howard stern show, what they were talking about after the show...
XXX replies: luke....gange snagged the tapes... they are in a vault. howard likes his "insurance" well protected.
YYY: I have a very funny east coast porn scoop for you..
YYY: do you know what the five towns are here in NY?.not the five families.
;-)
YYY: five towns...rich jew mecca...on long island.
YYY: five towns..jews..porn.....and italians....funny fun stuff....what
a way to make a living. ;-)
YYY: hewlett...cederhurst.....lawrence....woodmere
YYY: the other side of JFK........the airport...
YYY: the other side is howard beach.....home of?..
YYY: italians on one side.jews on teh other,. etc..
YYY: anyhow.....interesting info on east coast porn players.....jews..and
italians and their rich neighborhood.
YYY: who is where and doing what?
YYY: the nYC porn scene control etc...major cash moving
YYY: it'll be interesting to see what develops in the next few months...changes
going on...power shifts perhaps?
YYY: new faces.old faces...
YYY: business is expected to start booming?....new operations opening
up.
YYY: all this east coast stuff is wild.....the games played on the west
coasters...
YYY: each side wanting to think they are outsmarting the others.its
so silly. Diitribution controls and cash controls. Its amazing how this
stuff doesnt blow up into semimajor scandals.....who knows...people
dont care..the money moves..thats all that matters.bottomline
Gene's Extreme Weight Gain
silly-girl: did you see gene's new site?! that pic makes him look 500
lbs!! LOL
silly-girl: when you sent me that pic...i thought it was doctored. apparently
not...
curious: no. i'll check. did you see Fritz's comments on Dave's mom?
silly-girl: the ones from you?
silly-girl: or new ones?
curious: from me
silly-girl: yeah.....dave amazes me curious: where are the Gene pix?
silly-girl: just the one of him in the corner silly-girl: to the left
silly-girl: under home
silly-girl: i thought that pic was a JOKE when you sent it
silly-girl: he looks HUGE curious: that was directly off his site except
for the Luke poster in the background
silly-girl: oh, LORD.,. he looks like he gained about 70 lbs...or is
it just the way the photo was taken?
curious: He must be depressed silly-girl: has he really gained weight
though? has anybody actually seen him in public? LOL curious: The photos
of him at XRCO a while back looked big
silly-girl: that's what i thought, too, but xxx thought it was the angle
the photo was taken curious: It's those 39 cent cheese burger at McDonalds!
silly-girl: all he can afferd now i guess
silly-girl: okay, i just wanted to ask you if you'd seen the new site...
curious: I am wondering if this weight gain will jeopardize his chances
to do sex scenes at Extreme?
silly-girl: not with dave hardman's sister it won't curious: belly to
belly? mission impossible silly-girl: LOL
silly-girl: that's why gene likes butt f---ing so much i guess
curious: can i send this IM transcript to luke?
silly-girl: only if you take my name off of it
curious: he can lay the pizza box on the chicks back in that position
