Monday, March 19th, 2001

XRCO Award Nominations

The X-rated Critics Organization submits this list of nominees for their April 5 show:

BEST FILM: DREAM QUEST, HOUSE OF SLEEPING BEAUTIES, JEKYLL & HYDE, LES VAMPYRES, WATCHERS

BEST VIDEO: BUTTMAN'S TOY STORIES, DARK ANGELS, IN THE DAYS OF WHORE, M CAUGHT IN THE ACT, RAW

BEST DVD: ALL STAR, DREAM QUEST, RAW, VIRTUAL SEX WITH TERA PATRICK, WHITE LIGHTNING

STARLET OF THE YEAR: ALEXA, BRIANNA BANKS, CASSIDEY, JESSICA DRAKE, TERA PATRICK

FEMALE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR: JEWEL DE'NYLE, BRIDGETTE KERKOVE, KRYSTI MIST, SERENITY, AVA VINCENT

MALE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR: MR. MARCUS, ROCCO SIFFREDI, RANDY SPEARS, EVAN STONE, NACHO VIDAL

ACTRESS (SINGLE PERFORMANCE): TAYLOR HAYES, JEKYLL & HYDE, KRYSTI MIST, IN THE DAYS OF WHORE, MIDORI, WEST SIDE, SERENITY, M CAUGHT IN THE ACT, SYREN, LES VAMPYRES

ACTOR (SINGLE PERFORMANCE): ERIK EVERHARD, WORLD'S LUCKIEST JOCK, JOEL LAWRENCE, RAW, MR. MARCUS, WATCHERS, RANDY SPEARS, PARTNERS FOREVER, EVAN STONE, PARADISE HOLE

DIRECTOR OF THE YEAR: NIC ANDREWS, JAMES AVALON, MICHAEL RAVEN, PAUL THOMAS, THOMAS ZUPKO

BEST GONZO SERIES: ANABOLIC INITIATIONS, FRESH MEAT, PLEASE, PURE MAX, WHACK ATTACK

BEST AMATEUR OR PRO-AM SERIES: BARELY LEGAL, FILTHY FIRST-TIMERS, MORE DIRTY DEBUTANTES, REAL SEX MAGAZINE, UP AND CUMMERS

UNSUNG SIREN: JESSICA DARLIN, MONIQUE DE'MOAN, JADE MARCELA, SHELBY MYNE, GWEN SUMMERS

UNSUNG SWORDSMAN: TYCE BUNE, CHRIS CANNON, ERIK EVERHARD, JOEL LAWRENCE, PAT MYNE

ORGASMIC ORALIST: ALEXA, BRIANNA BANKS, MONIQUE, ALEXANDRIA QUINN, INARI VACHS

ANAL QUEEN: CHLOE, JEWEL DE'NYLE, BRIDGETTE KERKOVE, KRISTI MYST, MONIQUE

TEEN DREAM: ALLYSIN CHAINES, GAUGE, ANNE HOWE, TIFFANY MASON, AURORA SNOW

BEST NEW STUD: DALE DABONE, DILLON DAY, JACK NAPIER, LEE STONE, VOODOO

WORST MOVIE OF YEAR: CAMP EROTICA, KID VEGAS: TRENCHCOAT PORNOGRAPHER, NINETY AND NAUGHTY, PORNO, WATCH ME CAMP BITCH!

BEST MALE-FEMALE SEX SCENE: JEWEL DE'NYLE & NACHO VIDAL, XXXTREME FANTASIES OF JEWEL DE'NYLE, TRICIA DEVEREAUX & JOHN STAGLIANO, BUTTMAN'S TOY STORIES, LEANNI LEI & LEXINGTON STEELE, NEW BREED, SYDNEE STEELE & BOBBY VITALE, FACADE, INARI VACHS & LEXINGTON STEELE, WEST SIDE

BEST GIRL-GIRL SEX SCENE: CHARLENE ASPEN, DAISY CHAIN, LINDA DIEGO, BUTTWOMAN VS. BUTTWOMAN, JEWEL DE'NYLE, KERI WINDSOR, INTIMATE EXPRESSIONS, JEWEL DE'NYLE, SYDNEE STEELE, DARK ANGELS, STEPHANIE SWIFT, INARI VACHS, GEN SEX, SYREN, AVA VINCENT, LES VAMPYRES

BEST THREEWAY SEX SCENE: ALEXANDRIA QUINN, HEATHER LYN, JOEY RAY, SLUTWOMAN 2, AMANDA, JESSICA, NACHO VIDAL, PLEASE 9, CHLOE, LOLA, ANTHONY CRANE, WELCOME TO CHLOEVILLE, JEWEL DE'NYLE, ERIK EVERHARD, BRANDON IRON, XXXTREME FANTASIES OF JEWEL DE'NYLE, GINGER LYNN, DALE DABONE, BILLY GLIDE, WHITE LIGHTNING

BEST GROUP SEX SCENE: BOAT ORGY, BUTTMAN & ROCCO'S BRAZILIAN BUTTFEST, CASSANDRA WILDE, NACHO VIDAL, OTHERS, ROCCO'S TRUE ANAL STORIES 12, KRYSTI MIST GANGBANG, IN THE DAYS OF WHORE, ROCCO SIFFREDI, NACHO VIDAL, GIRLS, ROCCO RAVISHES PRAGUE 2, ORGY, LES VAMPYRES

Atlas Plugged

Jonah Goldberg writes for the NationalReview.com: I'm here in New York for a seminar on right-wing pornography. We will be discussing all the great works; there is, of course, the epic Atlas Plugged and the lesser-known Adventures of Ayn Randy, but also some quasi-neoconservative treatments, The Naked Pubic Square and of course, Auto-eroticism of a Neoconservative. And who could forget such classics as Rod and Man at Yale, The Conservative Behind: Burke to Eliot, and Erections on the Revolutionaries in France.

MrHollywoodJew Doubts The Existence Of Cindy Plenum

MrHollywoodJew writes: I'm with Fred: Who is Cindy Plenum? I thought I'd heard of every porn star out there but I've never heard of her. I checked some search engines (Yahoo, for example) and only came up with Luke's bio of her and that weird supplemental thing with the mosquito on it that Luke posted as a link. NOTHING ELSE! Do a search for ANY other porn star's name -- no matter how obscure -- and you usually get several hits. Nothing but Luke's stuff for Cindy. Real suspicious.

Also, she's a Mensa girl and all that (so she says) but she's evidently not TOO smart. She claims she was born in 1974 and started college at 16 (that would be 1990). AFTER this she started making films but then she claims she was making films in the mid-80s. Now, then, in the mid-80s, if 1974 is the true date of her birth, she would have been barely pubescent. Were her films child porn? Also, how did she manage to make films in the 1980s but not start making them until after college, which began in 1990, according to her.

Not bright also is sticking bees up your cunt and joining cults that would only appeal to the world's biggest dumbasses. Her grammar and spelling are also pretty atrocious but I'll let that go since mine are too when I email.

Then there are all those bogus pictures (the snake pix, the stupid picture of the black woman, etc.) on the Luke F-rd bio of Miss Plenum, whose chosen name, evidently intended to reflect her vast intellectual skills, smacks of unbridled conceit. Who cares how bright a porn chick is? The only thing we want her to use her head for is sucking! We're watching porn for amusement, not edification!

But let us see these IQ scores of Miss Plenum's, since she is so proud of them! Let us see her name on the rolls of Cal Tech! Let us see her Mensa membership card! Better yet, let us see her (REAL) picture! Let us have a filmography on her -- not just two movie titles that no one ever heard of and which probably never existed in the first place. There are dozens of MAJOR female pornstars whose bios are NOT on Luke's site. Why is Miss Plenum's up there? Even if she IS real, she is not significant enough to merit inclusion among the "Greats" of the jizz biz. But I think she is NOT real. I am sure of it. If Cindy Plenum lives, give us proof, Mr. Ford. Otherwise your credibility is tarnished indeed!

If I am not Me, then who is that in the mirror?

Hi Luke, its me - Cindy Plenum! Yes it's true, I lied about my age way back when, and it is a good thing that I did that bad thing too. As far as my name goes, most of my work was under other names. I did not want to bring shame upon my family, so I used a rotating roster of names. (I'll bet lots of your women readers know who I am!)

I am no longer a member of Mensa, as I found the group to be full of retards. For several years I have belonged to The International Society for Philosophical Inquiry, and the Five-Sigma Society, both far more selective than Mensa ever was. Like you, we are small in size but big in heart. We treasure every member. We would love to have you, as a speaker, Luke!

Do you want me to call in tomorrow to speak as a guest on your show? What is your number? What do you think my fans would like us to discuss? My work with microlivestock? Something tells me the typical porn fan would not get it. I am planning a memorial service for Tibor soon, would you like to participate in it? Just little old me, Cindy!

MrHollywoodJew replies: Hey, okay, fine. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that a girl named Cindy Pelnum lives and is not just Luke pretending to be a girl named Cindy Plenum. But why haven't I heard of you? (I do follow this business). What movies have you been in? Did you use the name Cindy Plenum or -- what? You have to admit, the bio on Luke's site DOES look bogus -- what with the fake pictures, etc. And some of that bio data CANNOT be serious! Could we see a picture of you so our memories might be jogged? If, indeed, you are real, dear girl (and I remain skeptical -- you will understand that, being a philosophical inquirer), I truly apologize for any insult I have caused. (But I'd still like to see a picture and some movie titles, please. Thank you Presh)

Has Jeanna Fine Finally Blown Enough Cock For One Life?

NRob writes: Hey Luke... Whatever happened to Jeanna Fine? She looked like she was going to f--- until she was 50. Every time you turned around, there she was with another cock in her ass. Now. I can't find anything recent with her. Has she finnaly blown enough cock for one life?

EroticaCash.com Pays Kids To Advertise Pornography

From News.com.au:

FORGET the lowly paper run, youngsters make their money today by setting up their own web pages that host banner ads for porn sites.

The technical term is affiliate marketing programs and anyone can do it regardless of age, location or lack of company status.

The way it works is by clicking on to one of the numerous affiliate programs found on the internet and choosing what you want to host on your site. It can be porn or something less scandalous such as carparts.com, amazon, the online bookstore, or pogo.com, a site offering free games such as bingo to win cash.

Two 16-year-olds in Sydney [Australia] are making more than $200 a month from hosting a US porn site's banner ad on their gamer site that offers free software downloads for internet games. They organised to host the banner ad by filling in a long and detailed form on one of the many referral sites such as http://www.eroticacash.com. Their money is sent to them by cheque each month, but it can be transferred by wire, too.

Meet Newcomer Ashley Brooks

Monday afternoon, I interviewed porn newcomer Ashley Brooks.

From a background in speaking-in-tongues Pentacostal Christianity, Ashley's turned her oral talents in a new direction.

Listen to my interview here.

Check out her web site at Ashleybrooksxxx.com.

I found this bio on her site:

So, you want to know ALL about me????????

MY STATS:
Birthday: Dec 14
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 130
Measurements: 34D-24-34
Hair color: Sandy Blonde
Eyes: Green
Hometown: LA

I had never watched porn, much less looked at an adult magazine until I married Jordan. He would bring it home occasionally to watch and eventually he talked me into watching it with him. I was, to say the least, a little shy sexually. Soon enough, though, I was watching them with him often and even helping him pick them out. All this time I was wondering to myself what it would be like to do one. I decided to try dancing and for a short time I danced at the Gold Club in San Francisco. Shortly after that we started swinging with other couples. It was then that learned several things......

1. I LOVE BEING WITH WOMEN
2. I love having sex with different people
3. People LOVE watching me have sex!!!

So, long story short, I have started making adult films and I am starting this site. I just love having sex as much as I can and wherever I can. We take our camera with us when we go places, so you can see me having naked fun in different places. I love to flash too. If there is something specific that you want to see, e-mail Jordan and let him know and maybe we can get it done for you. I can also make custom movies for you. I am a Raiders fan! In fact, Jordan and I have season tickets. I also love ice hockey (both of us play) and my favorite team is the Colorado Avalanche. There is something very sexy about a guy who is dripping sweat after he has just knocked the crap out of someone else. Plus all that skating gives them nice butts.

I am also really into music. Some of my favorites are the Beatles, Barenaked ladies, REM, Green day, Dixie Chicks, Led Zeppelin and Nirvana. Recently I have been putting on the BNL and Green Day CD's and just having some hard, nasty sex!!!!

I know this sounds weird, but I do enjoy cleaning the house. I am usually half naked when I do it, which Jordan enjoys! I don't cook, but he doesn't;t mind since he gets to see me running around topless a lot. Plus, he gets it pretty often so that stops any complaining he may have about cooking all the time. What turns me on? Well obviously a nice hard dick, but I also enjoy a nice clean pussy. Nothing is worse than a stinky one, know what I mean?? Actually the biggest turn on is several cocks at once, all around me. I do have one fantasy that I have not tried yet and that it to have 5 or 6 guys all around me beating off and letting me suck on them and then having them all cumming over me. I get SO turned on sucking cock, and I am told that I am pretty good at it. My favorite position is doggie style. If you want to know anymore about me just e-mail me. If it is not too personal or too rude I will answer it for you! ENJOY MY SITE!!!!!! XOXOXO Ashley ashley@ashleybrooksxxx.com

Marc writes: in spite of their name, i've never heard of a woman having "hard, nasty sex" while listening to the music of my whimsical fellow countrymen, the barenaked ladies. that pic of ashley looks like something out of penthouse c. 1973.

Rob Spallone: "I'm shooting ten girls Wedesday. Five girl-girl scenes at Bobby Gallaghers..."

James DiGiorgio: "You put all this other crap up on your site, like the Cindy Plenum garbage which you copied from another site. I saw the site you copied off. Bulls--- who you want to bulls---, but don't bulls--- me. I know better. You can tell these other people your lies... I want to give her a little plug.

"Why are you reviewing my low budget gonzo work, not my artistic work? Review Sopornos 2.

"I've got a naked girl in my office. Ashley Brooks. She's brand new, tall, 5'9"."

Luke: "Does she like to suck cock?"

Jim: "I would imagine so. She's in this business. She's going yeah... You ask her."

Ashley: "We live in Longbeach but we're trying to find a house in the [San Fernando] Valley. We just moved down here from the San Francisco Bay Area."

Jim yells in the background: "Luke, why don't you ask her now that you've got her on the phone one on one? How come you got me to ask her?"

Luke: "I'm too embarrassed."

Ashley laughs: "I can answer that question for you. Yes I do. Who doesn't?"

Luke: "I don't."

Jim: "A lot of Jewish women don't."

Ashley: "If I don't like to suck cock, I'm definitely in the wrong industry.

"I've done six movies for Wildlife and two for Dave Cummings and Cock Smokers 27 from Extreme just came out. And I suck cock in that one. You can see for yourself."

Luke: "What do you think has been your best performance?"

Ashley: "A movie for Wildlife called Screw My Husband. That's probably the highest budgeted one I've done."

Luke: "And what happens in that movie?"

Ashley: "I get screwed. I'm supposed to be the wife and the porn star comes and screws my husband. Sex, blowjob, cowboy, I mean cowgirl position. On my back. Basically just a boy-girl scene."

Luke: "Who introduced you to the industry?"

Ashley: "My husband. He called the different movie companies from the back of Adam Film World. We both wanted to get into the industry. It looked like a fun way to make money."

Jim: "Luke, ask her about her spiritual self and how does her soul deal with this industry as an easy way to make money."

Ashley: "Oh damn, does he mean am I a Bible thumper? No, I am not a Bible thumper."

Luke: "Are you a Bible humper?"

Ashley: "No, I am not a Bible humper either. Even worse."

Jim: "Ask her if she'd convert to Judaism."

Ashley: "I'm going around to the different agencies to try to get them to convert to Jehovah's Witness."

Jim to Ashley's husband: "He's not a real Jew."

Luke: "Were you raised in a religion?"

Ashley surprised: "What was that?"

Luke: "Were you raised in a religion?"

Ashley: "Well yeah. What does this have to do with whether I like to suck cock or not?"

Luke: "I'm kinda weird. I always ask people about their religion."

Ashley: "I was at a Pentacostal speaking in tongues type church."

Luke: "Did you handle snakes?"

Ashley: "No. I hung around teleevangelists a lot when I was growing up. My mom worked for a Christian TV station and I had to hang around with her at the studio. I think that's what brought me to the dark side."

Jim: "A lot of f---ing going on around teleevangelists."

Ashley: "And a lot of money."

Luke: "Did any of them make a move on you?"

Ashley: "No. I was eight years old. No one's going to make a move on me. It isn't Catholicism."

Luke: "Have you had any bad experiences in your six weeks in the industry?"

Ashley: "A lot of scams. A lot of people contacted me about really weird s---. s--- like 'Do you want to get peed on?' Or 'Do you want to take a s---?' Just stuff over the internet. Really cheesy companies."

Luke: "And what did you say?"

Ashley: "I said no. I've run across some scam artists."

Luke: "Did anyone try to get you to do a dog?"

Ashley: "No."

Luke: "I guess that's out."

Ashley: "Yeah. That's not what you do, is it?"

Luke: "No. What are your ambitions for your career in this industry?"

Ashley: "Make a lot of money."

Luke: "When did you get augmented?"

Ashley: "About a year ago. It was fine. I recovered very quickly. I don't have any scars. And it's been nothing but positive ever since."

Luke: "Does your husband go with you on sets?"

Ashley: "If he's allowed to, if not, he does not. He's very professional. If they'll let him, that's great, but if not, we completely understand. I know that a lot of people don't like the husbands on the sets. So we always make sure to clear it before we bring him along."

Luke: "Does he bring you cold drinks during your scene?"

Ashley: "Yeah."

Luke: "Does he wipe you off afterwards?"

Ashley: "If he's around."

Luke: "What a guy. Doesn't he get jealous?"

Ashley: "I don't know. He doesn't seem too jealous. He just likes watching films being made and scenes in action. He's real laid back. He doesn't get in your hair a lot. He's not one of these guys who just goes and make a nuisance of himself. The last time he was with me was a Wildlife production. He just sat in the other room and kept to himself. He's willing to help out any way he can with me. Like you said, bring me cold drinks and whatnot."

Luke: "Will he wipe off the other guy's seed?"

Ashley: "No, no, I don't think that he'll do that.

Luke asks Ashley's husband Jordan: "What sort of experience is it to go on set and watch your wife getting done?"

Jordan: "Like she said, we're very professional... I just sat there while they were doing the one scene and I was talking to Bobby Rinaldi. No problems at all."

Luke: "Most people would find that amazing..."

Jordan: "The way I look at it, it's just like your wife works at JC Penny and you walk in there and see her selling clothes. It's what she's doing. I'm helping her run her web site."

James DiGiorgio, dominatrix call Luke

To get JimmyD off my back, I'm running this story at the top of my page.

James DiGiorgio writes Luke: first off..how cum you dint write anyting about the phone call...your getting lazy, just puttin up a little slugline pointing to a mpeg file...sheesh...and dont forget to mention the url: http://www.fetishgold.com

Jim called Sunday and wanted me plug the fetishgold.com web site of his dominatrix friend.

Jim: "Fire your shrink.

"You can listen to these tapes when going to sleep at night instead of listening to that Jew s---. She'll tell you what a pathetic individual you are and how you are a piece of s---... Only with a nice English accent and with big words like you use. So it'll make you feel better that she's using big words in a really nice voice... And she's highly educated like you. But she's still basically saying that you're pathetic and a loser..."

Luke: "Why would I feel better?"

Jim: "That's because that's how it works. It's the psychology of the whole thing. You have this lady with a really pretty voice saying poetically and stuff that you are a really pathetic individual. And then in the morning you'll feel better. It's like reverse psychology. Fire your psychiatrist. Go log on to FetishGold.com."

Luke: "I don't think this is the Torah's way Jimmy."

Jim: "This is not the Torah's way. It's my way. Trust me, I'm going to help you out here. I am at Mistress Desira's house right now. I needed her to straighten me out. I started feeling that I was somebody."

Luke: "What is she going to do to you?"

Jim: "She's going to make me feel like I am nobody."

Luke: "How does she do that?"

Jim: "You ask her."

Mistress Desira comes on the phone: "By being nobody, you are somebody. When you are brought down to the lowest level, suddenly the slightest ray of sunshine makes you feel better afterwards.

"If the tape doesn't work, you can come to my house and for $100 an hour, I can make you feel even better than she can.

"Shrinks just tell you what you want to here. I tell you the way it really is.

"Have you ever dropped acid?"

Jim: "No, Luke's never dropped acid. Luke doesn't do drugs. He doesn't eat meat."

Mistress: "He's never done mind altering drugs?"

Jim: "His father was a mind altering drug. His father was an evangelical preacher. His father's wacky. That's why he turned into a Jew. Look at how f---ed up he [Luke] is. She'll take care of that rebellion in you. You'll feel so much better about yourself. This is the path, Luke."

Luke: "It seems transgressive."

Jim: "No, it's progressive."

Does Pornography Lack Creativity?

BrandyAlx1: So, porn has advanced to the point where new stars don't take on twisted names of real stars, like Brittany Morgan/Morgan Brittany, or Nikki Sixx/Sikki Nixx, but now they're hoping for some confusion from twisted names of other porn stars? Brooke Askley/Ashley Brooks? I don't understand. Is this another indication that porn completely lacks imagination and creativity?

BrandyAlx1: Speaking of imagination and creativity, you seem to be reaching way back into the RAME archives for articles to put on your site. Slow news day or just lazy?

BrandyAlx1: Don't you have a newsfeed? Why do you need Google?
Luzdedos1: r u workin?
BrandyAlx1: No, not yet. I had a couple of offers, but I'm going to be picky this time.
Luzdedos1: are you available for escort?
BrandyAlx1: :::smack:::

Nicole London Pregnant

Mark Kernes writes InsideAdult.com: Actress-turned-Production-Manager Nicole London is seven weeks pregnant, with twins, but, says the feisty Jerseyite, "I'm going to keep working as long as I can."

Sex.com Search Engine

John writes: Luke, what kind of nonsense is this about sex.com? I'm not a genius, but a simple "whois" shows me that sex.com is now on Persian Kitty's nameservers, and the Technical Contact is the same guy [Lewis Payne] you from PK that you interviewed on your show several months ago. Also, the pop-up newsletter thing on sex.com is the same design and color as PK's voice chat pop-up. Not coincidence.

You said "none of the big boys" got sex.com... and in a way, I guess you were right... it was a woman and her technical guru.

Kevin writes on Netpond:LEE NOGA, lady czar of the internet, Queen of all secrets....what's happening with Gary Kremen & sex.com? There are two conflicting stories on Luke F-rd's website. Since he is your buddy, has he told you which story is true? Did Gary Kremen sign a partnership deal with SEGuru and his associates, or did he go with Persian Kitty? This is a big story. How come nobody is talking about it on the boards? Lee baby, what's the scoop?

Luke says: SE Guru and Greg Geelan will run sex.com and probably turn it into an X-rated Yahoo. SE Guru is a search engine guru and Geelan knows webmaster resources.

XXX says: "A lot of people will be licking their asses to get listed there."

The Observer.co.uk reported: "Kremen also plans to sue other companies that have registered variants of sex.com, which he now plans to turn into a 'classy' adult entertainment site."

Gary tells Luke: No, do not plan to sue anyone! Actually more of a portal.

Krista Leigh Says She Does Not Do Privates

Krista Leigh writes: dear luke i just wanted to write and say that you had on your site a couple of weeks ago that i do private's for adult star fantasy and was listed on their site. first of all thanks for putting this up since i would not have known had i not seen this on your site. since finding this out i have contacted ASF and they have taken my pics off of their site and i would like to say that for the record I DO NOT DO PRIVATE"S.

Plotted Porn With Cute Young Chickies

Pat Riley writes on RAME: Who's going to create the "plotted porn with cute young chickies" equivalent to "Surrender In Paradise"? Not VCA with Veronica hovering in the wings, not A&E with Candida monitoring feminist friendliness (rumor has it that she's gone but it doesn't matter because they have a whole group of touchie-feelie censors), not Vivid who have old retreads anyway, not Wicked (how long has Serenity been in the business? 10 years?)... Jeez I just ran out of companies. Maybe Dane, with their minuscule operation and no cable outlet. Do you think that's a fair comparison, especially given that probably most on this group have never even heard of them?

It's like the question of stockings and garter belts. Remember how almost every woman in the seventies (except the early years) and eighties wore them when having sex despite panty hose being de rigueur for females since the sixties. Grandma wore garter belts and stockings. And then they vanished in the nineties. Waa...what happened? My take is that someone like Henri Pachard (not saying it was him personally) back in the seventies found them exceedingly erotic. They were his thing and doubtless the other original thinkers of the era thought they too had to keep on the bandwagon but in the nineties they broke with tradition and found they didn't lose by leaving them out.

Did they do a market survey asking people if they liked G&S? You must be joking. The consumer didn't choose between two identical, except for the G&S, movies. He put up with the G&S otherwise he couldn't watch the other aspects of the movie that interested him.

Same with Ed. If I had my way Ed would be replaced by another charismatic guy with less ego and a much better body (and one who, just for Den, didn't have technical problems) but I don't have that choice. Ed forces me to watch him if I want the other aspects of his movies and, to be fair, the good aspects of him. Ed can then use this apparent support for his movies to say that his ego and body are not a problem. He may even go so far as to say that people watch because of Ed's body on the basis that if they look as bad as Ed it will allow them to think it's they who are screwing the girls. I think he's wrong but absent identical movies except for Ed's body and ego how can I say for certain? And even if we had identical movies, who's to say that Ed's dominant market position wouldn't allow him to squeeze out the others at the level of the distributor. Ya' know, "Why buy this upstart when you can have the genuine time-tested article at the same price?" The customer at the rental level will never even see the competitor.

The facts are that the producer determines what the market will see and unless there's a totally new area (as Elegant's all-BJ movies or Hustler's peeing) the market will cluster around what currently exists. That won't stop me complaining though.

This is the problem with the current non-judgementalism so prevalent among certain groups. It sounds great in principle but in practice the splintering of the market means that the desires of the majority are trampled on. There are only so many places on the wall of the rental store, so many dollars to be spent on producing movies, and so many time slots in the cable market. If they're all filled with the fringe groups, or in this case people pushing agendas, there's no room for the normal (by definition, the majority).

In a perfect world with limitless dollars and the ability of everyone to know exactly what's out there (I don't know how you achieve any of this) your non-judgemental view could work. You can have your old biddies in plotted movies; I can have an updated Surrender in Paradise; voyager can have girls with huge clits licking glove-soft leather boots; Torris, his hindicooze getting analed in an earthquake zone; etc. All, with non-crossover cast, and excellent technical aspects. We'd even have enough people so that we could have a category of plotted with young girls with big clits without boots of any kind and where the girls didn't appeal to voyager but did appeal to Riley (just so that neither felt we were getting each others leavings--I'm partial to big clits too).

Until we get to that perfect world (and there are a lot of other changes that take precedence) we just have to live with the guy who shouts loudest getting his porn and someone else missing out (the squeaking wheel principle).

Porn Reviewers

MarMac writes on RAME: Help me out! I use Jaded.com quite a bit and visit their site several times a week. They have some good reviews on their site, at least from the standpoint of telling you what is going on. However, I don't think I have ever seen a review on there where the reviewer doesn't recommend the video. DUH!!! It seems kind of kooky to have a reviewer on a site that sells the videos recommending the video or not to the buyers.

Pat Riley replies: Sheesh! And I suppose when you go to Sears thinking about buying a new washing machine you read the reviews of Sears' paid lackeys and take their advice? Unless it's something that you can sue them about later or some State's attorney-general is likely to do so on your and thousands of other defrauded customers behalf you'd be well advised to not even believe their supposed factual information.

This goes double for porn movies where lying is endemic and even when they're not lying the incompetence level is so bad that inaccurate and misleading statements abound.

Nor do I understand how you can be so easy to convince that you believe that there is some magic qualification to be a reviewer or that those who claim to be such would have some higher standard of integrity than the rest of the population or even the droids who write for the industry advertising magazine.

The facts are that writing reviews doesn't pay very much--s---, unless you're Stephen King writing of any kind doesn't pay very much--so porn reviewers tend to either have an agenda or are unwilling to bite the hand that feeds them or both. The conflict of interest inherent in writing for, or allowing your reviews to appear on a website that also sells the same videos should be apparent.

In the case of the industry advertising magazine, if they're nasty about a particular movie, the producer is not likely to continue advertising with them. Contrary to the usual "good reviews are paid for" I don't believe that to be the case. What happens is that they select reviewers who like the subject matter and sometimes people who never saw a porno they didn't like. Of course the review will be favorable and any problems with the movie will be passed over with an offhand remark such as, "The plot is a bit hard to understand, but you don't rent these for the plot, do you?" It'll still get a pre-nom for something or other.

Other reviewers (on this group too) are simply too young to be critical and furnish any useful guidance. Hey, I was 18 once too, and at that age any girl taking off her clothes would be sufficient to give me a stiffie. That, combined with the next point, means that all movies will be "great" and some only a little "greater" than others.

Many reviewers watch far too few movies to have any appreciation of the current crop of girls and the relative balance of movies currently available. IMO, if you don't watch at least 500 movies a year, you should hang up your keyboard. And that includes movies that you know you won't like simply to give balance to your criticism of those that you do. Not to rag on the industry advertising magazine too much but it's pretty stupid when, due to lack of experience, the reviewer fails to note that the Black Cherry Bombs series and the Aka Filthy Whore series are undisclosed compilations and they are reviewed as though they were new footage. Or because they never watch Ed or RSM or any of the debutante series they are unaware of the identity of some easily recognizable but uncredited girl. Or, when they can't ID people like Mark Davis or Eric Everhard and refer to them as "two dudes".

Then there's the industry slavering fan boy (as opposed to the individual girl SFB) for whom the industry can do no wrong. Every movie is a winner possibly because, in the case of some, the industry accords with their own personal philosophy, and in the case of others they personally want to take on other activities in the industry and they don't want to burn their bridges. For example they want to write scripts or eventually direct movies and it would hardly do to piss off their potential employer/contractor.

But, some will argue, "How about 'Black Broads Who Love Tiny White Dicks'. I gave that a lousy write up." Yeah, so? To reprise my original analogy, the Sears salesman will also tell you how lousy the Yugo washing machine is. He has one sitting in the corner. What he doesn't tell you is that's their only one, they have a contract dispute with Yugo and won't be getting any more, and he doesn't get any commission or only a tiny percentage if he sells the Yugo. It adds credibility to have at least one model you can slam, plus it may really be the lousiest washing machine they have. It doesn't mean his recommendation of the Kenmore is worth the hot air he expels making it.

In the case of porno movies, the lousy review will generally go to a movie from a tiny company and, if it's the industry ass-wipe, to one that is hardly likely to generate much revenue. Further it's frequently a company that is not part of the industry buddy system and as such is likely to rock the old boys network. Hey, turn the dogs loose on them.

You'll notice that most of the reviews fail to mention the girl's physical qualities, except maybe in obscure terms such as "full figured" (instead of "fat pig") thereby making you read between the lines. This is because of all of the above reasons but particularly for most "professional" reviewers because they have to meet these people on a daily basis. Given the lack of credible plot (or presence of offensive ones) and the cult of personality, most of the time the only interest in porno movies today is the looks of the girl. What use is a review that doesn't dwell on the subject? Of course I'm personally exempt from all the above criticism.

Frank Simmons writes: Kylie is looking different from any other time I've seen her. Not satisfied with going back to her natural hair color, she's decided to curl it in this one - I guess she's trying to ensure that Riley doesn't start stalking her or something.

Riley replies: Kylie Ireland is far too fat for me to stalk; she's also afflicted with the Veronica Hart disease. ROFL!!! Let me digress abit here....

Simmons writes: I did not watch the Emmies last night, but Pat, if you are reading this, imagine this nightmare.... The young slutty role models for all the Barely Legals go up on stage at the Emmies to receive their awards and they are sporting tight, curly hair styles... The cameras pan the role model celebrity sluts in the audience, they all have the same tight curled hairstyles. So whats the young barely legal B-cupper with a bus ticket from Topeka to porn valley in her hand going to do with her hair? Pat might have to start viewing euro porn! :-)

Riley replies: Well, maybe but there's so much stuff already in existence and I don't really think I'm the only one that doesn't like curly hair. When I first read the above I thought you said all the slutty young role models HAD changed to curly hair. I did watch the Emmys and I was thinking...is there a special Kansas version? I had to restrain myself though because I actually thought Madonna was cute. Isn't she over 50 or something? I must be ill because I was also impressed by Toni Braxton's dress--and the partially enclosed body. She's also nearly grandma level isn't she? I can only conclude that the makeup in mainstream is just so much better than porn.

Porn Stars On RAME

Brandy Alexandre writes: I know this note is questionable for posting, but shouldn't go without saying that it's apparent that you (collective) neither want nice girls whom some people don't like, nor girls who can hold their own in a forum where anonymity inspires braveryrudeness polite folk would never engage in face-to-face. You gripe if they turn and leave in the face of such barbarism and you gripe if they defend themselves. Either way, no matter what we do we're just bitches and cocksockets who should shut up and take everything dished out with a smile. Isn't that exactly what you're saying?

Pat Riley replies: What you ignore, Brandy, is the context in which this is occurring. A little anecdote:

Back in the eighties and early nineties, I was responsible for hiring a number of programmers and I remember one occasion when I interviewed a woman whose last job was constructing certain tests the results of which would determine college admissions (like the SAT's). Well, I happen to think that SAT's and the like happen to be a particularly silly Americanism that should be replaced with...well, my views are not important here. Just accept that her prior employment was like a red flag to a bull and resulted in a heated discussion extending over a couple of hours. She didn't give an inch and I wouldn't give an inch.

I hired her. Anyone who could stand up to that was going to be a pretty good worker and indeed that's how she turned out. She later told me that after 10 minutes she was sure that she wasn't going to get the job so rather than it be a total loss she determined to show me the error of my ways.

Programmers however are not porn performers. They have different qualities that are totally opposite. I don't want a porn performer to be pushy and argumentative or even for that matter to know how to turn on a computer. They're supposed to be cute little things who laugh and giggle and admire the Riley schlong with awe, not to mention having great little bodies and pretty faces.

So turning up here is a very bad idea for a porn performer. If they jump in and defend themselves (argue) they lose any residual feeling I may have towards them as a sex object. If they just drop in and then run away well so what? Fortunately most who appear are well past their prime and I have no interest in them anyway.

Bring Em Young

Roger Pipe writes: What gimmick did they use to get the point >across? They used actual eighteen and nineteen year old girls and have >them dress like normal human beings

Pat Riley replies: And to prove the point they show the girl holding up her driving license or passport to the camera at the beginning of each scene. Good idea eh? Problem is that it allows me to point out that except for Aurora (5'5') who barely sneaks in under the wire and Scotti who presents a UK passport, they're all tall. Blazer and Elizabeth at 5'8", Paige at 5'10" and Stephanie at 5'7". No wonder they video Vince lying down!

The second problem is that they screwed up royally here. Notice how they put stickers over the real names on the license? Well on the UK passport the name is repeated in optically readable characters at the bottom of the page so if you want to find out Scotti's real name just rent the movie.

> Blonde Elizabeth has made my list of >chicks to watch as well.

She's probably the only one worth watching but I have yet to see a really good b/g scene with her. For a good g/g scene at least at the start see Grrl Power #2 (Despite the name it's not offensive to us male chauvinist pigs.) Personally I was pleasantly surprised at the low quantity of anals (Scotti and Stephanie only), the absence of nauseating asshole licking, no buddy-buddy conversation between Vince and Mark, and the lack of verbal abuse. OTOH, I don't like facials or any cum shot above the neck, the absence of any interplay between the participants (you barely see the males), and the mechanical nature of the sex. Under no circumstances would I ever share my girl with any other male, so I don't see the appeal to the raincoater. New girls (to me) of Scotti and Stephanie were not worth the rental.

Asia Is In Too Deep

2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Wesley Emerson Featuring: Asia Carrera, Kaylynn, Gwen Summers, Allysin Chaynes, Brigette Kerkove, Jewel Valmont, Herschel Savage, Chris Cannon, Alec Metro

Pat Riley writes on RAME: This is actually a pretty good plotted movie with reasonable (for porn) acting, a story line that hangs together quite well, and some attractive girls. Unfortunately the people are hopelessly mis-cast and in common with lots of VCA movies these days, the plot line is anti-male. Unless you like watching {Thelma And Louise} or {The Joy Luck Club} you'd be well advised to skip it which is a damn shame because it's a "could-have-been".

In order to make things easier on the performers each one at an appropriate moment in the movie discusses their feelings and reaction with the camera thus providing the basis for the scenes that follow. However, don't get the idea that it's talk to the camera and then screw: their conversation is just to avoid having to emote too much, probably a wise decision given the general competence level of the people.

Asia tells us that she's married to Herschel and although they get along well enough in the sack, he's always trying to get her to involve another girl in their sexual activities. They even watch pornos to spice up their life. She's not attracted to the girls--well, maybe a little bit-- and she doesn't see why guys are always trying to do this.

Ah, well Asia, let me (Riley) fill you in on the reasons for this phenomenon. Males are promiscuous animals, something you've probably convinced yourself isn't the case or at least isn't the case with your Mr. Right. Just believe a fellow dick owner: the average male, married, SO-ed, or single, would screw any attractive girl if he got the chance. In this particular case, a g/g initiated by his wife gives him the opportunity to screw another girl with her permission, thus no nasty expensive home wrecking complications. Further, girls have a lot better chance of picking up another girl than he has, especially someone as old and ugly as Herschel. And, he presumes that you will choose a girl who he finds attractive--no ugly porkers. And a g/g, although you wouldn't believe it from most pornos, gets him over all that boring foreplay, so he can just plunge into that nice slimy warm hole without having a tuna lunch beforehand. Got it?

Now we flash over to Gwen, an interior decorator (uh, huh), who tells us that she's a committed lesbian but that she's really half-way in between a butch and a lipstick lesbian. She's looking attractive but would be much better wearing a cheerleader outfit and being seduced by the football coach, Herschel, or being the new addition to the Sultan's harem, in process of carrying out her concubinal duties. Much as I hate to suggest it, Tina Tyler would have been a far better casting decision.

Although she claims not to be a real butch type dyke, you'd never know it from the way she plays with her gal-pal Jewel (credits: Ava Vincent), slamming her up against the wall and semi-raping her. No toys in any of the g/g scenes BTW. Jewel is looking very pretty and seems to have taken off the surplus poundage. Surprisingly she's slightly shorter than Gwen, too.

We now find out that Herschel and Asia work out of their home producing "elevator music" and then Herschel tells us about a contact he has in the porn business who asked him to put music to some of the porn movies. This is slightly unclear as to who asked him to do what but serves as the introduction for two sex scenes, one where Alec screws Allysin beside the pool and another where in payment of a debt the porn company owner gives him his two contract girls for the night and we watch a three way with Herschel, Kaylynn, and Brigette (cantaloupes) including an anal of Brigette only. These two scenes add little to the movie, are perfunctory (no dialog at all in the Allysin/Alec pairing) and should have been left out.

Asia meets up with Gwen and without any exposition of how, they start having a passionate affair but without Herschel! See what's wrong here? Porno movies are for males. How does Gwen having an affair with Asia help Herschel? How would it help you fantasize that your wife is bringing home a little cutie pie for you to screw?

Herschel knows that something is up because he's not getting any nookie at all now so he thinks the worst and imagines Asia is getting some on the side with the pizza delivery guy or a pool guy. (Clearly Herschel has been watching too much porn.) We watch (Herschel's fantasy) an amusing scene with Asia trying to seduce pizza delivery boy Chris who can't seem to get the message when she talks about consuming the SAUSAGE. Hint, hint. Eventually she takes...ahem, matters into her own mouth and Chris understands.

Well, one day Herschel calls at Gwen's house on an unrelated matter and finds Asia in process of munching Gwen's rug. He's mortified, and leaves silently although Asia has seen him. According to Herschel they both attended months of therapy--only a spoilt baby boomer could understand this, or write this; most real males would wipe the floor with the broad or insist on joining in--during the course of which, the therapist (appearing on Montel tomorrow) suggests that he visit Gwen and try to sort things out.

Jewel meanwhile is miffed that Gwen has transferred her affections to Asia and wants revenge but apparently she still lives with Gwen because when Herschel calls Gwen isn't there but Jewel is. Not one to lose the moment, Jewel, with some reluctance as she's not really into guys, puts out for Herschel and videos the entire encounter to show to Gwen. Point of note here is Herschel's remarks when he's screwing Jewel about her tightness due to lack of dick-loving. Not really credible but a nice attention to detail. Gwen is appropriately horrified that Jewel would sully her body with a male but understands and resolves not to cheat again.

Herschel's not so lucky. He had to buy Asia a new diamond wedding ring and a overseas second honeymoon, and promise never to dip his wick elsewhere again.

So basically the formula of the movie is that the broad is going to win. That's pretty depressing. How about a rewrite where Herschel does get to screw Gwen (you can still have Asia having an affair with her but Asia gets Gwen drunk/drugged and then introduces Herschel) and on the side Herschel screws Jewel and Asia never finds out about it. Let's make sure that the movie clearly points out the infinitely preferable dick to dyke and the girls mend their ways accordingly.

As to the acting, all except Gwen (vastly overacts) are credible in the non-sex sequences; none are credible in the sex scenes. IOW I don't believe Asia wanted to or enjoyed screwing Herschel or Chris or doing a g/g with Gwen; I don't believe Gwen wanted to g/g with Jewel or Asia; and I don't believe Jewel wanted to g/g Gwen or to screw Herschel. The two porn-related scenes are unbelievable as to passion partially based on their premise.

As to the casting, unfortunately we have the cult of personality which in this case tells me that Jewel is engaged to some guy and is hardly likely to be lesbian-inclined. Gwen has a one (two?) year old child and is married to Johnny Thrust and is also very unlikely to be lesbian-inclined. Sorry, I don't believe the Gunn mantra of bi-curiosity and in any case it doesn't apply here as this is not a transient experience. Given the old/ugly looks of Herschel, it seems very unlikely that Jewel would choose him for revenge on Gwen although I could believe worn-out-her-welcome Asia could be married to him as a trophy wife.

Sexwise: Herschel screws Asia; Gwen and Jewel do a g/g; Alec screws Allysin; Kaylynn and Brigette do a g/g and after a while are joined by Herschel for a three way including an anal of Brigette only; Asia and Gwen do a g/g; Chris screws Asia; Asia and Gwen do a very short g/g; and Herschel screws Jewel ending in a tit cum shot. All scenes (even Asia's) use condoms and except as noted all scenes end in facials. Date of production: 8/00.

Veronica Hart Disease

Pat Riley writes on RAME: You're not going out with her, nor do you have to do the normal things males do to get sex like whine and wheedle and lie and spend enormous dollops of money. That's the advantage of fantasy.

Frank Simmons replies: Well Pat - I know that you won't believe this, but *your* fantasy is not every man's fantasy. Some of us actually enjoy the "game", and don't fantasize about a world where we can f--- whoever we want whenever we want to. Some of us actually enjoy dating and all that, and like to fantasize about it as well.

Pat Riley replies: You're right, I don't believe it.

Wait...I used to go drinking with a crowd and there was this one guy...salesman type, ya' know, bulls---, bulls---, bulls---...and when the conversation came around to a marginal female we all knew and the usual idea of trying to get into her pants, this salesman type would come out with the line, "Oh, she's too easy. No challenge there." and launch into a long spiel about how just screwing her would be no fun; it's the chase that's important. Our collective eyes would glaze over and we'd smile knowingly at each other and let him finish. Of course there was never any evidence that this guy had ever scored so I'd guess we could file it under, "Making a virtue out of a necessity." Somehow you don't strike me as a salesman type but then I've been wrong before.

So, speaking of being wrong, should I now change the name to the Veronica Frank-Hart disease, the symptoms of which are a desire to see (or make) porno movies where:

- the females are just like mommy
- men are jerked around by the infinitely superior women
- men pay big bucks just to talk to/date these ageing flab-buckets
- men have to beg, wheedle, and lie just to have the pleasure of being rejected by the same fossils
- occasionally the men are used as flesh-dildos but only after they've groveled in burning coals and broken glass for sufficient time

Sounds just like real life. What do you need pornos for?

QuasarmanRants.com Assaults LF.com Contributors

Q writes: In many ways I am bitterly envious of Luke F-rd from Luke F-rd.com. He seems to have an ever-increasing abundance of lunatics who bombard him with pointless emails which he immediately posts unedited and responds to with a brief, one sentence quip. The result is a site that is frequently tedious and murky to look at but one which the home viewer is compelled to scroll through in the hopes that they MIGHT find something interesting as a reward for investing so much of their time and patience. I do not have the luxury of relying on an army of virtual barflies to provide my content.

John Stagliano, Tricia Devereaux Have Baby

John Stagliano and Tricia Devereaux, a couple of weeks ago, had a baby. Both John and Tricia are HIV positive porn stars.

Pez Boy writes: Was it by a miracle not HIV +?

Brandy Alexandre replies: Even though they share the same body, babies do not share the blood of their mothers. Differing Rh factors are an example of this. The C- section was probably another way to reduce the chances of infection, but considering the very low weight of the baby I wonder if there was some other reason for it. Considering the way Tricia responded the last time I verbalized a curiosity, I would be a bit afraid to ask.

Sharing an unasked for opinion, I personally think it is incredibly irrespinsble for two HIV+ people to deliberately have children. First there is the danger of cross infection between the two regardless of the viral load and all the other feelgood rhetoric people promote. If they can still infect another person through unprotected sex, they can infect each other. Then there is the instability of the relationship. Tricia complained that she continues to find condoms wrappers in John's pockets. (Which makes me wonder if, even though he's considerate enough to use a condom, is he considerate enough to inform a partner of his status so they can make their own personal choices. Condoms do break.)

Then there is a fact that in all liklihood the child will be an orphan by the age of ten. They can make decisions for themselves if they want to, but they also made a decision for the child, which I think is unfair, and they made a decision for their parents or relatives who will have to take the child in when their health reaches a point that caring for it becomes unmanageable. And it will be a little while before they know if the child itself is HIV+.

I think they are selfish people. I don't know this for a fact about Tricia, but I do know this for a fact about John. He cannot have changed that much in ten years, and as far as Tricia implied he's slightly worse. He was not actively bisexual when we were together, he did not smoked forests of marijuana when we were together, and he didn't have to depend on Viagra when we were together. Since his nature appears to have only become more intense, I have to believe his self-absorption is at an all-time high as well.

Joe writes: LUKE just because someone is infected there is no reason to stop living there lives.I find it very wrong that you would post such a comment that the child will be an orphan by age 10 just because you dont know the whole situation.TRICIA is not stupid like marc wallace,she is living her life and happy with john.stop bashing them,and let them be proud parents. IM sure john and tricia have talked everything over and GOD YES GOD YOU jew f--- ,im sure they talked about every possible senario.i was a fan of your site but you are cold hearted . my wife and i split up she loved you. i guess she now only likes assholes

Farrell Timlake from HomegrownVideo.com writes: As usual I must point out the inaccuracies of the posts regarding HIV on your board. In fact, many mothers who are so-called "HIV Positive" give birth to "HIV Negative" children. Christine Maggiore, the "positive" author of "What if everything you knew about AIDS was wrong" gave birth to a perfectly healthy boy, totally "negative". She delivered naturally and without the benefits of any pain medication. She takes no HIV medications. She breast fed exclusively.

Today, she and her boy and her "negative" husband are still a completely healthy contradiction to everything this industry and most of the world has accepted as the truth about HIV, in spite of the fact that the very porn industry itself also stands in complete contradiction to the HIV hypothesis. She has been healthy person for nine years since her diagnosis. She is one of the healthiest people I know, and busiest. She is constantly providing herself as well as calling in other doctors and scientists as expert witnesses to cases where government agencies have taken children from mothers who refuse to medicate their children.

Miraculously, the health of the children improves by stopping the potent, un-tested, toxic, side effect inducing drugs that have no proven merit. Mother magazine has adopted (no pun intended) an editorial stance in favor of these positions which are also advocated by doctors and scientists worldwide.

The last major post I made on this subject contained information about an AIDS researcher in South Africa who had completely turned around and recommended "Positive" mothers breast feed their babies. Now go figure how a human who literally lives off his mother's blood for nine months can be born negative, then continue to feed off its mother's bodily fluids and still be negative? Explain that with real science and you win a prize. Quite possibly a Nobel Prize. If Luke can find it in his archives, I did correctly predict that their baby would be born "negative". I also predicted John would show "negative" tests...

Now, I would like every one to start counting the times I have to say I told you so about this issue. Or do yourself a favor and do some homework on the subject as if your life depended on it. In fact, put yourself in Christine Maggiore's shoes. Walk a mile with everyone telling you that you should be dead already. Check out http://www.aliveandwell.org to start. That incredibly well documented site will lead to a world of knowledge. I recommend everyone check it out. Because I hate to be the kind of person who says "I told you so".

As Farrell, from http://www.homegrownvideo.com where the site and sounds of twenty years of amazing authentic amateurs will tantalize your taste for exquisite sex, I say these words. I have no alias to hide behind. I wish everyone a truly safe, well-informed, and beautiful day.

Snoop Doggy Dog's New Porn Video

Pat Riley writes: I've only seen the box but Snoop is enough to give anyone nightmares.

Lattara writes: I appreciate that you're not going to be a big rap fan, but this would hardly be the first porn vid you've seen with lousy music, hardly enough to give you nightmares. So what about Snoop is so terrifying to you?

Pat Riley writes: He's so ugly he should have been drowned at birth. Any woman who would allow such a male to touch her is obviously only whoring and is not someone I would like to fantasize about. Hopefully it's no one I've thought favorably about in the past. (Note that the question voyager posed was related to our semi-public joke about Shiloh's transformation into a she-male and mediated by Torris' comment that Shiloh wasn't particularly attractive. Subsequently, I offered the suggestion of Carlo, Sasha's b/f and voyager was presumably making a laughable (and ridiculous) counter offer. It's all in good fun, but you have to pay attention.)

Black Street Hookers 38

Pat Riley writes on RAME:

BLACK STREET HOOKERS #38 2000--Devil's Films
Producer/Director: H.T.
Featuring: Destiny/Kianna, Ebony, Desire, K.K., Cinnamon (other), Dee, T.T. Boy, Mark Anthony

The usual drill with TT either alone or with Mark Anthony or another black guy (no males are credited either on the box or in the movie; females are credited on the box only) driving around LosA and picking up porn performers who are posing as hookers. He seems to have dropped the idea of getting a real hooker and fondling her crotch as he did in the first few but then who knows, maybe some of the full scenes are with hookers.

Kianna calls herself and is credited on the box as Destiny and doesn't look as good here as she did in {Freaks Whoes & Flows #24}. The tattoo on her bicep reads "Ayenna" and her belly looks swollen. TT screws her including an anal ending in a pussy cum shot. During the anal she looks like she's in pain but he forces her to say that she loved it.

Mark Anthony picks up two hookers and takes them back to the Devil's Films' offices where one immediately disappears and he screws the other (probably Dee). She's not too pretty with a thick body, small medium tits, two paw print tattoos on her tits, and short hair. This includes an anal ending in a butt cum shot.

Two girls play video games in the living room of a house. TT approaches from the back and fondles them and they stop playing and go upstairs with him for a three way including a painful anal of one ending with a belly cum shot, a thigh cum shot, and a final facial. One has to admire TT's staying power. At a guess these are Ebony and K.K. One has a passable face, tight waist, stubbly pussy, tailbone tattoo, medium droopy tits, shoulder length black hair, and dark skin. The other has a tattoo on her left bicep, marginal face, shoulder length black hair, medium droopy tits, tattoo right shoulder outside, hairy pussy, prominent treasure trail, and a tattoo half way up her back.

TT picks up Cinnamon (not Sinnamon--long straight brown hair, marginal face, happy disposition, small tits, lithe body, tattoo right thigh front, tattoo left bicep, tattoo across butt, tattoo left thigh front, stubbly pussy, loss of belly muscle tone, and a stubbly pussy) and screws her including an anal ending in a facial.

TT and the other black guy pick up Desire (passable face, small/medium droopy tits, nipple rings, shaven pussy, infant damaged belly, long straight black hair) and take her back to the Devil's Films' premises where TT screws her including a painful anal ending in a facial and then the black guy screws her ending in a butt cum shot. No condoms were used. Date of production: 11/15/00.

Janine On Howard Stern

Patrick Riverside writes: Funny, Howard himself talked about this on Monday's program. He and the gang were amazed at how beautiful she is

Pat Riley replies: Given the dogs who appear on Howard, they'd probably think Janet Reno was beautiful.

Riverside writes: and how she probably could have made a ton of money as a mainstream model, Dream on... but she must of had some reason to go into adult.

Riley writes: Poor quality work ethic, drugs, no well-paying jobs in non-porn despite her supposed beauty.

Riverside writes: I know a lot of people out there bash her for her performance and no boy/girl stuff, but she is an extremely stunning woman and I can't help but agree with Howard on why the need for her to be in the biz, and why she needs tattoos covering her to get out....

Riley writes: Publicity and achieving its purpose among the lemmings. If she really wanted to get out, she'd do just that. I hear Burger King is hiring...

Hotties At Pornication

Mutt writes on Netpond: Damn they got some hotties lately at Pornication. Remember how ugly people were in the early days of video and Net porn? I gotta lose that bookmark. Less drooling more working.

CEN Jewing Me?

CENJew from TrafficCashGold.com writes on Netpond: This is a message to CEN START COUNTING SIGNUPS NIGGA PLEEEEEEEEEEAZE! SHAVING IS GETTING A LITTLE OLD NOW FOR EVERYONE...

Leanna Scott - Depraved Whore

Britkicker writes on RAME: Recently, via the web, I had the opportunity to view some short clips from Leanna Scott's infamous porn appearance. The guy she f---s is an ugly bastard. His real name could very well be "Spike" or "Butch." He really has that "fresh outta jail" look about him. Talk about a parolee.

That doesn't stop her from spending what seems like an eternity with her tongue up his ass like she's drilling for oil, all the while stroking his cock. I swear, these Asian bitches think fecal matter is one of the four food groups.

It totally escapes me why she would risk her fitness model/softcore nude gig to do some ugly motherf---er for chump change. I guess she's just totally f---ed in the head.

Aussie Dan writes: good on her. SHe's ok by me. Shes doing stuff that many white girls wouldn't do , but alot of guys want them to perform it. Its her life she can do what she wants.

Tales From The Darker Side

TALES FROM THE DARKER SIDE 2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Jim DiGiorgio
Featuring: Africa, Shai, Kenya, Alexis, Taboo, Tony Everready, Devlin Weed, Byron Long, Julian St Jox

The motif seems to be girls appearing to guys in abandoned houses, jail cells, etc., wordlessly screwing the guy, and then vanishing. Saves on a lot of foreplay and afterplay, I suppose, which might be a good thing and so might the movie except that the girls are utility grade.

Tracking these one-name black girls is nearly impossible so I'll just give a quickie description and you'll have to work out if the same name in another movie means the same girl. No one is ID'ed but I think the first girl is Africa. She has a passable face, long black hair (probably a wig), plucked eyebrows, shaven pussy, tattoo left bicep, medium droopy tits, and a tattoo on her right calf outside. Tony screws her ending in a tit cum shot. Shai is near-white and has short curly brown hair, small/medium tits, passable face, outie belly button, bushy eyebrows, and a stubbly pussy. Devlin screws her ending in a facial. Kenya has long red hair (probably a wig), cantaloupes, marginal face, tattoos on right and left shoulder backs, and a thick body. Byron screws her ending in a facial. The next girl has rope-like short black hair, not too pretty face, medium/large droopy tits, C-section scar, shaven pussy, and a thick body. Julian screws her ending in a facial. The last girl is ugly with long straight black hair, large droopy tits, and a near plumper body. Tony screws her including an anal ending in a tit cum shot. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 9/00.

More Dirty Debutantes 178

MORE DIRTY DEBUTANTES #178 2000--Sky Blue Video, 4-Play Video
Producer/Director: Ed Powers
Featuring: Dru Berrymoor, Emanuelle, Jolene Decero, Ed Powers

This is pretty bad, having old biddy Dru in far too much of it, and the others just doing g/g's or giving a hand job. I should have skipped it. Dru (8/29/00) didn't really have a welcome back when she first appeared about 100 years ago but now she can be consigned to the hard sex worker category. Ed doesn't care and rims her asshole and screws her using a condom and ending in a facial. Jolene (8/30/00) can be seen in {Kid Vegas: Spring Break 2000} where she just does a g/g but to recap she has a marginal face, long multi-colored mainly brown hair, small/medium droopy tits, thick body, big butt, and a stubbly pussy. She masturbates and then gives Ed a hand job during which she sucks his balls but won't put his dick in her mouth. Finally in a long and very boring scene Emanuelle (see #172}) and Dru do a g/g. No condoms were used. Date of release: 2/2/01.

GRRL Power 2

GRRL POWER! #2 2000--Kick Ass Pictures
Producer/Director: Andre Madness
Featuring: Laycee, Jamie Lynn, Goldie, Gauge, Alexxis Tyler, Elizabeth Terlato, Mojo, Jay Ashley, Kid Vegas, Dale DaBone

Here's a good one with some nice looking young girls, a fun feel to the movie, and some reasonably erotic sex. I haven't seen {#1} at this point but I presume from the dialog here that "Grrl Power" is some sort of teenage girl publication where the readers write in to tell of their problems and the girls in each segment provide a solution using the power of the pussy. Each girl enacts the suggested solution. There's a catchy little song fragment in each segment and the girls (individually) dance around in the nude.

Elizabeth's (see {18 And Nasty #18}) correspondent has a problem with her nanny who won't let her stay out late and do those fun things other girls of her age normally do. Elizabeth suggests that this is a sure sign that the nanny is a dyke, so we watch Elizabeth (looking gorgeous) seduce the nanny, Goldie (passable face, English, long slightly curly blonde hair, big nose, overbite, large tits, paintbrush, slightly thick body). The scene starts very well with a reasonable level of tension and lots of kissing and body fondling but then out come the vibrators and up starts the fake moaning and they lose the moment. Pity, but at least half of it is OK.

Jamie (see {Bring 'Um Young #2}) wears dark glasses all the time and the screen flashes that this is a good way to disguise her dilated pupils. Hey, I'm not her father. I don't care if she has dilated pupils (presumably some illicit drug side-effect). Anyway her writer needs some of her mother's prescription drugs but the mother has run out and the prescription has expired. Jamie suggests seducing the late night pharmacist, after all they have very boring jobs. So that's what happens. At first Jay resists but then--who could resist that lithe slim body?--he screws her over the desk ending in a facial and presumably gives her the drugs she requires.

Laycee really has an adorable little body and can be seen in {Kid Vegas: Labor Day Bash} but she has disfigured her body with masses of tattoos including a pubic hair replacement and a huge tattoo of a woman along her left side. She goes to see tattoo artist Kid Vegas and wants to add some more but he's all booked up. Not problem. She just uses "Grrl Power" and gives him a screw in exchange for moving to the head of the line. Unfortunately, I have the impression that she just uses sex to achieve what she wants and derives no pleasure at all.

Alexxis (see {Nineteen #34}) is looking exceptionally good here and shows her body very well by dancing for her drug dealer, Dale. They could have stopped here and it still would have been a good scene but the screw that follows seems very passionate and ends in a body cum shot.

Finally Gauge is in college (in her dreams!) and wants to change rooms because she doesn't get along with the other girls. She sees the dorm manager, Mojo, and of course he can't find anything at the time but letting him screw her opens up a lot of possibilities. This includes an anal ending in a rare internal anal cum shot that she pushes out...and manages not to take a dump at the same time, at least on camera. Not particularly erotic although it is energetic. No condoms were used and all scenes end in facials except as indicated. Date of production: 10/13/00.

Dance Naked

DANCE NAKED (2000) 2000--VCA Producer/Director: Bud Lee Featuring: Kylie Ireland, Adajja, Asia Carrera, Brigette Kerkove, Renee LaRue, T.J. Hart, Ian Daniels, Evan Stone, Steve Hatcher, Alec Metro, Randy Spears

Pat Riley writes: If the above cast aren't actually above thirty they're damn close. Why would anyone want to fantasize about screwing a 30 plus year old? In real life maybe because you can't get anything better but in your fantasy world there should only be prime material. All the flesh in the right places and not an ounce too much! This is maudlin touchie-feelie rubbish anyway. Check out a good raincoater movie from Anabolic or Extreme to clean out your mind afterwards if, against my recommendation, you have the misfortune to see this one.

Kylie has just lost her boyfriend Ian in a car accident and feels guilty because she had an argument with him about marriage just beforehand. He wanted to; she didn't. Right! Only in these people's minds. Anyway, her two sisters Brigette and TJ and her stepmother, Asia, and her father, Randy (!) try to help her get over it. Asia is not liked by the three stepdaughters so to try to curry favor Asia buys each of them a present: a personal trainer, Evan, for Kylie; a PI for TJ, who suspects her husband, Hatcher, of cheating; and I'm not quite sure what for Brigette who everyone thinks of as a lesbian. Naturally Evan assuages Kylie's grief with sex, Hatcher wasn't cheating and TJ and he have a wonderful reconciliation, and maybe Brigette is a lesbian but she likes guys anyway. All this relationship babble ends with the four girls sitting around in the back yard meditating.

Sexwise: Ian screws Kylie including an anal ending in a belly cum shot; Randy, Asia, and Adajja (ghastly) do a three way ending in a butt cum shot; TJ gives a BJ to Hatcher; Brigette and Renee do a g/g; Hatcher screws TJ with no cum shot; Alec screws Brigette ending in a facial; and Evan screws Kylie ending in a facial. All scenes use condoms except that no condom is used for Asia. Date of production: 5/00.

Dynamite's 21st Birthday Gang Bang

Dynamite's 21st Birthday Gang Bang 2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Rob Spallone
Featuring: Dyn-A-Mite, High Pitched Eric, Herschel Savage, Rick Masters, Brian Surewood, Arnold Schwartzpecke, Dave Cummings, Jay Ashley, Jeremy Steele, Gino Greco, Claudio Cazzo, Brian Surewood, Trevor, Nasty Timmy, Antonio Duran, Dennis Conrad, Joe Cool, Rick Shaw, John Janiero, Adam Sacks, Mik Ever, Tony Michaels, New York, Kyle Phillips, Sinnamon, Ron Jeremy, Rob Spallone

Well, well, this is a gang bang alright and starts in the same manner as most with the girl talking to the unseen director about how she loves gang bangs and all that cock up her ass, etc.--ya' know, the normal lies--but then something happened and we actually have a little human interest story which although not erotic in the least, puts the movie at a level above most gang bangs.

It's really divided into three phases. After we get past the standard yak yak, Herschel comes in for a pre-gang bang screw explaining that he doesn't really like it with all the others around. In a short scene he screws Dyn-A-Mite and gives her a facial. The next private screw is Gino, an ugly SOB who Dyn-A-Mite apparently knows and he seems to need lots of dirty talk a la Max Hardcore--she's a real slut, a whore, etc. Gino gets half-hard and despite the sucking and verbal abuse he still can't keep it up. Eventually she's fed up with this and just pushes him away telling the cameraguy that there'll be no more private screws.

Intercut we watch some of the main gang bang with her dancing on a nudie bar type stage and all the guys waxing their rockets bukkake style which eventually leads to the usual BJ's, anals, and DP's with the guys in small groups rather than a mass performance. Mostly facials.

It's not over yet. We follow Rob Spallone to the girls' bathroom where after some hammering on the door he finally rouses High-Pitched Eric for whom this is going to be a de-virginization. That is he's going to be de-virginized by Dyn-A-Mite; she lost hers years ago. Eric is about the last person you'd want to see naked. Ron Jeremy is handsome in comparison. And Eric talks with, as the name implies, a high pitched voice. Sheesh, even if girls don't take as much notice of guys' bodies and faces as we do of theirs, they must draw the line before this monstrosity.

On the other hand, Eric is such a sad, earnest case that you can't help feeling sorry for him and rooting for him to be able to actually achieve his goal. Dyn-A-Mite takes no notice of his ugly body and face and treats him very nicely but before we get to her, Eric is seated in Spallone's office and is given some fatherly advice by Ron. Spallone keeps making demands such as ramming a huge dildo up Eric's asshole which causes Ron to argue with Spallone and try to arrive at something practical. Ron's pretty helpful.

Then it's over to Dyn-A-Mite who walks Eric from a photo shoot area back to a bedroom--her body is really quite nice--and then tries very hard to get him up. She succeeds in producing a fairly weak erection and there is a very short penetration. Finally she jerks him off on his belly and he and the crew are pleased as punch. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 6/00.

The Real Naturals

The Real Naturals #01 2000--4-Play Video
Producer/Director: Ed Powers
Featuring: Tabitha Stern, Kelton, Crystal Sky, Alexis Lewis, Divion, John Stern, Jay Ashley, Ed Powers

A new series from Ed supposedly featuring girls with natural breasts. That's according to the big wording on the box but it also seems to concentrate on girls with their SO's and a more in-depth approach to the interviews. Good! Less of Ed screwing and more emotional interplay between the guys and girls and hopefully less raincoater overtones. Unfortunately three of the girls in the first volume are not winners in the looks department and all four don't seem to be enthralled with copulating with their SO's or Ed or Jay. There's also a slight change in format in that the start of the interview is outside in (presumably) Ed's backyard and only after the sex starts do they move inside to the traditional bedroom.

Tabitha (8/20/00) is quite cute and can be seen in {Up And Cummers #86} but she has a defect in that she doesn't seem to be able to let go. The emotional contact is lacking but maybe there's nothing to be done. She could be like this in real life. Her husband John screws her ending in a facial (so much for the lack of raincoater aspects).

Crystal (8/10/00) can be seen in {Real Sex Magazine #35} and {18 And Eager #2} and adds that she's 19 years old. She also has some rather heavy facial acne here. After we get over the interview she masturbates, Ed rims her (yuk!), and then Ed screws her including an anal ending in a facial. She just puts up with it.

Kelton (8/8/00) can be seen in {More Dirty Debutantes #167} and adds nothing new here. She does some minor masturbation and then Jay screws her ending in a tit cum shot. Ed must have been lacking sex that day so he also screws her ending in a belly cum shot. Another going through the motions scene.

Finally we have Alexis (8/15/00) who appeared in {More Dirty Debutantes #166} and who's with her black boyfriend, Divion. She's only 5'4" and he must be about a foot taller and the size difference is striking. They screw ending in a facial. She has almost no reaction to the sex. No condoms were used. Date of release: 12/1/00.

The Real Naturals 4

The Real Naturals #04 2000--4-Play Video
Producer/Director: Ed Powers
Featuring: Aurora Snow, Stephanie Athena, Crystal Sky, Zoe Elizabeth, Jay Ashley, Roland Svenson, Ed Powers

On an overall basis not nearly as good as the previous volume probably because the quality of the girls is much lower, however the first scene is an exception. I haven't heard anything about Jay and Aurora (10/21/00) being romantically involved off the set but they sure give a good impression of such in their scene here. Although it drags a little because of the length and suffers from being outdoors and mostly standing, it includes lots of body fondling, kissing, and generally loving, caring sex. Unfortunately it ends in the decidedly non-romantic facial, includes a pesky fly who buzzes around the genitals, and lacks sound due to Ed's incompetence.

Stephanie (11/2/00) (credits: just Athena--see {Bring 'Um Young #3}) is not too good looking but sounds down to earth. Her small-dicked boyfriend Roland who adds a last name here is 27 and they both come from FL. They screw including an anal ending in a facial and then re-insertion but no further cum shot. These two don't make the grade of romantic sex nor is the girl worthwhile screwing in her own right.

Crystal (8/24/00) can be seen in {#1} of this series and is here with her gal-pal Zoe who's an Amazon (5'11 1/2") with short blonde hair, passable face, nipple rings, small/medium tits, not much waist, flat belly, gnarly pussy, and a splooge of pubic hair. Zoe also comes from TN. Neither of these girls is worth fantasizing about. Ed screws Zoe ending in a body cum shot. They do a g/g and then after many hours (just seemed like it) Jay joins in for a three way ending in a facial. No condoms were used. Date of release: 2/9/01.

Sorority Shower Cam

SORORITY SHOWER CAM
2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Jim Holliday Featuring: Allysin Chaynes, Barrett Moore, Chrissy Sparks, Envy, Felecia, Jeanie Rivers, Vivian Valentine, Sydnee Steele, Tina Cheri, Devan Saphire, Devin Wolf, Dillon Day, Lee Stone, Mark Vega, Shayla LaVeaux, Root Loggin

Holliday must have been drunk when he did this one, or maybe it's the editor's fault. Scenes are all jumbled up with g/g's starting and then not finishing and scenes seemingly inserted out of sequence. As usual with Holliday movies there are lots of girls wandering around in the nude but there's precious little (like: none) passion involved in any of the sex.

Root and Sapphire are two geeks who are trying to join a fraternity, the head of which, Lee Stone, is willing to admit them if they provide him with the video feed from a webcam mounted in the sorority's shower. I think. Or, maybe it's Dillon who's the head of the fraternity, or even Wolf, or maybe the idea is to play pranks on the sorority girls. Anyway, the girls, headed by Sydnee, don't seem to mind that there's a direct transmission from their shower to the fraternity, or even that their g/g's and bathing activities are being videoed by the geeks but they draw the line at publishing the photos on the web for which offense they castrate Dillon (not really, he just has to lick lots of feet). If you have the idea that this is an incoherent mess, you're on the right track. It's also about time that Holliday gave up on his college theme especially using some of the people he does. There's not much anti-male sentiment in the movie, the only obvious line being one from Sydnee to Dillon: "I told you, girls run everything on this campus."

Sexwise: Allysin and Chrissy do a g/g; Dillon screws Sydney ending in a body cum shot; Wolf screws Barrett including an anal ending in a facial; Felecia and Envy do a g/g; Saphire jerks off while watching Vivian (credits: Phoenix Haight), Jeanie, Chrissy, and Allysin preen in the shower; Mark screws Allysin ending in a chest cum shot; Vivian and Jeanie do a g/g; Sydnee and Envy do a g/g; and Lee screws Tina including an anal ending in a facial. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 7/24/00.

Ten Little Angels

TEN LITTLE ANGELS
2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Jim Holliday Featuring: Allysin Chaynes, Bunny Luv, Chrissy Sparks, Felecia, Gauge, Jeanie Rivers, Nikki Charm, Vivian Valentine, Shayla LaVeaux, Tiffany Minx, Tina Cheri, Devan Saphire, Devin Wolf, Dillon Day, Evan Stone, Mojo

Jill Kelly is credited for the concept of this one. What concept? Unplotted sex scenes have been around for donkey's years but maybe they mean the opening credits where they count up to eleven as the girls join hands and march abreast down the beach. Aw, gee, what a concept!

The girls here have all been used up but there is some historical interest in the return of Nikki Charm who does the only anal I've ever seen her do. She's still reasonably pretty and her body is within normal bounds but you can see the age in her face and she's lost the cute little girl aura of cheeky innocence. However, her scene is particularly passionless and even includes her saying, "Oh, yeah, give it too me baby," while Wolf is thrusting in and out of her asshole. Maybe if she'd have done an anal back in 1985 it would have been an event; now it's just a last desperate attempt to re-generate some interest.

Most of the scenes take place on a bed with a horribly distracting floral bedspread or on a couch; Nikki's occurs outside. Lots of foot sucking in each scene which Holliday (or someone) must find erotic; it has the thrill of watching grass grow for yours truly.

Sexwise: Evan screws Shayla including an anal ending in a facial; Dillon screws Tiffany including an anal ending in a facial; Felecia and Vivian (credits: Phoenix Haight) do a g/g; Saphire screws Bunny ending in a butt cum shot; Dillon screws Tina (particularly horrible) including an anal ending in a facial; Mojo screws Gauge including an anal ending in a facial; Allysin, Chrissy, and Jeanie do a g/g/g; Wolf screws Nikki including an anal ending in a butt cum shot with no after view; and Allysin and Vivian do a g/g. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 7/24/00.

Sorority Sex Kittens 4

SORORITY SEX KITTENS #4
2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Jim Holliday Featuring: Allysin Chaynes, Barrett Moore, Bunny Luv, Candice Hart, Chrissy Sparks, Chyna Storm, Envy, Felecia, Jeanie Rivers, Jessica Drake, Keri Windsor, Nikki Charm, Vivian Valentine, Shayla LaVeaux, Sydnee Steele, T.J. Hart, Tina Cheri, Devin Wolf, Dillon Day, Evan Stone, Mark Vega, Lee Stone, Daisy Chain, Root Loggin, Tiffany Minx, Bionca, Sunnie Paradise

A confusing jumble of scenes having nothing really to do with the previous volumes except that Holliday continues his silly naming conventions and there's a voice-over introduction that makes you think that there might be a real plot here.

As it happens, the "plot" is simply initiation of new pledges into the sorority with some mean-spirited pranks by the older girls, who really look old by the way. Tiffany actually remarks that some of the new girls thought she was an alumni and indeed she Shayla, Sydnee, TJ, Felecia, Shayla, and Keri look very old here and well beyond college age.

There are the usual mass nude scenes but there's no focus on any particular girl so they're rather a waste. Might work for the juveniles I suppose. The sex is about as passionate as doing your taxes.

Under the opening credits Dillon anals (only) Envy ending in a butt cum shot. After some blah-blah about the pledges, we watch Mark screw Allysin ending in a facial. Shayla pretends to be some sort of TV announcer (only in your dreams, dear) and needs some "hard cock" so Devin screws her on a blanket in the backyard. Includes an anal and ends in a facial. Allysin and Vivian (with black hair and credited as Phoenix Haight) do a g/g while Keri watches and then after a while she makes it a g/g/g. Evan (school doctor), Jessica (with new (?) cantaloupes), and Sydnee do a three way ending in a facial. A load of girls in a row present their butts and pussies to Tiffany and Felecia who rim them and munch on their rugs. Finally, Professor Lee (yeah, in his dreams too) screws TJ including an anal ending in a butt cum shot. There's definitely a {#5} to continue this thrilling story (what story?). All scenes use condoms. Persons not named as performing sex are extras some of whom were not verified. Chyna is credited as Diana DeVoe. Date of production: 7/00.

Strip Club Tails

STRIP CLUB TAILS
2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Jim DiGiorgio
Featuring: Dru Berrymoor, Lizzy Liques, Kendra Jade, Allysin Embers, Kali Black, Rafe, Herschel Savage, Tony Tedeschi, Axl Hose

Lip service to set-ups for the scenes which are all supposed to be centered around the goings-on in a nudie bar. For example: Herschel, the janitor sweeps the floor and imagines he's the bartender who's mistaken for the owner by aspiring stripper Kali. She auditions which naturally includes putting out for the owner/Herschel. Really inventive stuff.

The women look like they belong in a strip club: whorish and hardened without any redeeming features. Lizzy has a marginal face, large droopy tits, short white blonde hair, horrible protruding hemorrhoids, and a thick body. Kali has a marginal face, short brown hair, small tits, and a thick body. The rest you should know.

Sexwise: Rafe screws Dru including an anal ending in a facial; Herschel screws Lizzy including an anal ending in a tit cum shot; Tony screws Kendra ending in a belly cum shot; Axl screws Allysin including an anal ending in a tit cum shot; and Herschel screws Kali including an anal ending in a tit cum shot. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 8/00.

Little White Chicks...Big Black Monster Dicks 10

Little White Chicks...Big Black Monster Dicks #10
2000--Jake Steed Product.
Featuring: Vivanika, Little Red Devil, Syren (2000), Thumbelina, Cricket, Jake Steed, Lexington Steele

Not so much of the monster motif this time but more of Jake and Lexington sliding into appropriate roles as mean street pimps whoring out the little white girls. Lots of childish behavior from Jake and some mean-spirited activities none of which are even slightly erotic.

Syren, who was attractive elsewhere and is still the best of this bunch, looks and sounds like she's heavily into drugs but maybe that's just acting and makeup. Sure, I was born yesterday.

Vivanika (credits: Anika) can be seen in {University Co-Eds #27}--there's no mistaking her palm tree tattoo--wants out of the whoring business but the guys tell her that she still owes them $5,000 and share her with no anals ending in a facial and a chest cum shot.

Jake trolls the bus terminal and picks up Canadian aspiring starlet Little Red Devil (reddish-black unkempt hair, marginal face, small/medium tits, fleshy body, very small tattoo on her right bikini line, stubbly pussy). He takes her back to his place and screws her ending in a facial.

Syren seems to have been holding out on the guys money-wise and runs when they drive by. They drag her into the car and take her home where in an abusive scene Jake, Lexington, and another black guy (no males are credited) share her including a DP ending in facials.

Thumbelina can be seen in {Freaks, Whoes & Flows #21} and doesn't look white to me. She could arguably be some mixture. She takes her john back to a room but it seems that he thinks he's going to screw her for five dollars whereas she really meant five hundred dollars. Jake and Lexington rush in to settle this dispute and beat the guy up after which Thumbelina is so grateful that she lets Lexington screw her ending in a butt cum shot and then Jake takes his turn ending in a belly cum shot.

Finally Jake and Lexington visit their parole officer and meet ugly Cricket at the door. After some unconvincing posing they take her back to their place and share her including a DP ending in facials. No condoms were used.

Pick Up Lines 59

PICK UP LINES #59 2000--Odyssey Group Video Producer/Director: Mister Ensenada, Tom Stone Featuring: Marilla, Brigitte, Rebecca, Rubin, Laureen, Loraine, Mark Anthony, Kid Jamaica, Carlos, Sandro, Nick Lang, Lex

The usual wordless collection of scenes, half of which are Hungarian and the other half are shot in Brazil, presumably during Mark Anthony's trip down there. Similar scenes appear in other companies productions. Needless to say there's not a shred of eroticism here. Just local hookers going through the motions.

Marilla has short dark red/brown hair, passable face, stubbly pussy, medium tits, not much waist, and a lithe petite body. An unknown white guy screws her. Brigitte (Amazon, marginal face, long curly blonde hair, large tits, stubbly pussy, and a big butt) is screwed including an anal, by her dentist. Rebecca, with a passable face, long slightly ropey black hair, large tits, braces, flat belly, tight waist, and a very high quality body, is shared by Mark and the Kid with no anals.

Rubin is not too pretty with long black hair, medium/large tits, large tattoo on her left tit, and a fleshy body. Nick screws her including an anal. Laureen has long brown hair, marginal face, medium tits, paintbrush, and a fleshy body. An unknown European screws her including an anal. Loraine is probably Brazilian and is the best of the lot. She has long straight black hair, white body, passable face, nice smile, medium tits, belly button post, tight waist, fur-fringed pussy, nice little butt and a lithe body. Mark screws her. All scenes use condoms and all end in facials.

Older Women, Hotter Sex

OLDER WOMEN: HOTTER SEX Alternate Name: OLDER WOMEN, BETTER SEX 2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Jane Hamilton, Dino Wood
Featuring: Keisha, Marilyn Chambers, Juli Ashton, Ginger Lynn, Nina Hartley, Shelbee Myne, Michael J. Cox, Dillon Day, L.T. Turner, Sean Michaels, Dale DaBone, Mark Davis, Kyle Stone

An undisclosed compilation (hence the BAD for consumer fraud) designed for the "I want to f--- Mommy" crowd. Keisha, looking like a plumper, introduces clips from prior VCA movies and then does an original scene at the end with Cox and Dillon. The women and the clip scenes were nauseating the first time round and the last original one falls into the same category, so why any normal guy would want to watch this is beyond me.

Sexwise: LT screws Marilyn ({Dark Chambers}); Ginger and Juli do a g/g and Sean jacks off on Ginger's tits ({Torn}); Dillon screws Keisha including an anal ({The Stupid Cupid}); Dale screws Nina ({Booby Trap}); Cox screws Ginger ({White Lightning}); and Cox and Dillon share Keisha including a DP ending in a facial (new). All scenes, except the non-penetrative Sean Michaels/Ginger/Juli one, use condoms.

The Pink Package

The Pink Package 2000--VCA Producer/Director: Jim Malibu Featuring: Maya Divine, Janet Jackme, Tara (1999), Ryan Conner, Shelbee Myne, Justine Romee, Steve Hatcher, Michael J. Cox, Ian Daniels, Pat Myne, Tice Bune, Chris Cannon, Henri Pachard, Jim Enright

Is this supposed to be a comedy? VCA should tell me these things, so I know whether to slam it because it's not funny, or slam it because it's boring. I suppose it doesn't matter, because it would get slammed anyway with the load of trailer park trash, stripper/whores, and ghetto dwellers who make up the cast list.

What's Janet Jackme look like after a few years absence? Much the same as before she left: ugly with a huge butt. Of some minor interest is Ryan's ability to lactate to the point of squirting breast milk all over Cox. Motherhood would certainly explain her fleshy body.

Cox and Hatcher are buddies and work on porno sets as grips. Cox has a high school level prank idea of leaving his trademark "pink package" (looks like a book in gift wrapping) on each set he works on so that the camera will catch it and it will appear in the final cut. We see him on various sets where the directors (I can only ID Pachard and Enright) try to find this package and remove it but he's too smart for them. There's a side plot where someone kidnaps the package and demands a ransom which they seem to pay but this goes no further.

Maya (credits: Wendy Divine) is the girlfriend of Hatcher or Cox or both. Sexwise: Chris screws Ryan including an anal ending in a butt cum shot; Hatcher screws Maya ending in a facial; Pat screws Janet ending in a tit cum shot; Ian screws Shelbee ending in a facial; Maya and Justine do a g/g; Tice screws Tara ending in a facial; and Hatcher and Cox share Maya with no anals ending in facials. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 8/00.

Never Quite Enough

NEVER QUITE ENOUGH 2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Jim Malibu Featuring: Kelsey Heart, Renee LaRue, Amber Michaels, Envy, T.J. Hart, Marty Romano, Bobby Vitale, Lee Stone, Mickey G., Colt Steele

Over-the-hill women, stupid males, and a screenplay that must have taken five minutes to write.

Marty and Bobby are two dumb construction workers who notice that they're not getting the pussy that they think they deserve. In fact, it's going to guys like Mickey who screws his whore in front of them as if they didn't exist, and Lee who keeps them waiting while he screws Envy. Marty has a hooker friend, Kelsey who asks him to keep an eye on her while she does a difficult client, Colt, and this gives Marty the idea that he and Bobby should become pimps. They do from which the rest of the sex arises but they find that the girls expenses outstrip the revenue gained so they revert to construction work. Didn't I tell you they were stupid?

Sexwise: Mickey screws Amber ending in a facial; Lee screws Envy ending in a facial; Colt screws Kelsey ending in a facial; Kelsey and Renee do a g/g; Marty screws Renee including an anal ending in a back cum shot; and Bobby anals (only) Kelsey ending in a butt cum shot; and Bobby and Marty share TJ with no anals ending in a butt cum shot. All scenes are condom-clad. Date of production: 10/00.

Black Cheerleader Search 28

BLACK CHEERLEADER SEARCH #28 1999--Woodburn's Inner-Cit, IVC Distributors Producer/Director: Nate Woodburn Featuring: Rachel, Mercedes, Sasha (Black), Nicole, Deja Vu, Jake Steed, Herschel Savage, Guy DeSilva

I noticed that this one was no longer for sale from one of the online retailers so I presumed there's a possibly underage girl or some other problem with it. Naturally I needed to see it immediately but my effort was for nought. None of the girls look particularly underage and there's nothing like a Harley Davidson dealership in the background. They probably just ran out of stock and didn't think it was worth firing up the production line for this volume.

Format-wise it's just the same as all the other volumes in the series with the guys paying lip service to interviewing the girls for cheerleading positions, watching them do gymnastics or cheering or otherwise displaying their bodies, and then screwing them. Probably because of the time spent admiring the girls' bodies the same girl will tend to rank higher in terms of attractiveness in this series than in others. It's also less offensive when there's one guy taking a normal interest in screwing them instead of the usual degradation.

Rachel (box; she's credited as Mariah in the movie) has short red hair, large tattoo on her left bicep, tattoo on her right hip, name tattoo on her left tit, medium tits, passable face, possible infant damaged belly, and a hairy pussy. She's a little fleshy but has a nice personality. Jake screws her but you can see that at the beginning he hurts and then after a while she settles back to toleration. It ends in a chest cum shot.

Mercedes (credits in movie: China) has a passable face, overbite, nice smile, long dark brown hair, medium tits, shaven pussy, wide hips, and a big butt. Some black guy who sounds like the boyfriend screws her ending in a copious facial.

Sasha has a marginal face, long black hair, nice cheerful disposition, medium tits, shaven pussy, not much waist, and a nice little butt. Another unknown black guy screws her ending in a tit cum shot.

Facially Nicole is not great but oh, the body: petite with a lovely, adorable little butt, shoulder length black hair in corn rows, bee stung lips, small tits, narrow hips, tight waist, flat belly, shaven pussy, and--did I mention?--a butt to die for. Herschel is the assigned stud and she doesn't seem too pleased to have drawn him, although he is interested in her. Not that she does anything objectionable like complain but she just doesn't do much at all, regarding Herschel with some disdain. (Of course it could be that she's drugged out of her mind.) He screws her ending in a back/butt cum shot.

Deja is another with only a marginal face but a nice little body. Not quite as good as Nicole, in particular her butt being slightly flatter, she has long straight black hair, tight waist, flat belly, small tits, outie belly button, shaven pussy, and a small but prominent clit. She looks nervous at the start and seems to be shaking as she takes off her clothes and models for Guy. I liked the way she fondles his dick prior to oral but then when we get to the in-out, Woodburn or the editor has put in a sound track of her moaning but it's out of sync with her movements. Pity, because otherwise this was an OK scene ending in a chest/facial cum shot. No condoms were used. Date of production: 5/13/99.

Liquid Gold 5

LIQUID GOLD #5 2000--JM Productions Producer/Director: Jim Powers Featuring: Mirage, Heather Lyn, Barrett Moore, Cumisha Amado, Claudia Adkins, Harley Raine, Kyla Young, Dusty, Gauge, Emily Saxton, Lea De Mae, Kat Langer, Jewel De' Nyle, Chloe Adams, Devlyn Devil, Suzanne Storm, David Hardman

Oh, yeah! Another set of peeing scenes with two scenes that might qualify as golden showers. In one, Emily (credits: Eva Moore) tries to pee while Hardman, looking even more moronic than usual, pees on her shoulder and tits, and another where Chloe Adams pees on some guy's clothed leg. Can you stand the eroticism? If you can you're ready for the rest of the nineteen (depending on how you count) peeing scenes. In the toilet, in the backyard, in the bath, in the shower, and even sitting on a bench. If forty minutes of this haven't sated your curiosity--or sated something--they run through the highlights to make up a full hour.

Being With Juli Ashton

BEING WITH JULI ASHTON 2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Wit Maverick, Veronica Hart Featuring: Juli Ashton, Dee (black), Shawna Sexton, Brigette Kerkove, Charlie Angel, Tina Tyler, Chloe Nichole, Evan Stone, Lexington Steele, Mickey G., Devin Wolf, Ron Jeremy, Steve Hatcher, Trixie, Debbie, Bernie, Stephanie, Howard, Michael, Reo Smooth, D. Pachard, K.C. Weber, George Kaplan, Scottie Schwartz, Joe, Francisco, Juan Carlos, Chuck Bronco, Coni Sir, Keri Vermont, Connie Lingus, Kitty Delmar, Will Boenyah, James S. Mitchell, Two-Kae, Don Peters, Antonio Passolini, Kimberly Jade

Some sort of nod to the mainstream movie {Being John Malkovitch} I suppose, larded up with anti-male feminist sentiments typical of Veronica Hart plus stupidities characteristic of industry slavering fan boys.

Wit (what a name!) actually appears in the movie as the personal assistant (yikes!) to Juli but the character of Wit is played by Steve Hatcher. He's a struggling porno director who finally gets the opportunity to work for industry bigwig, Evan but it appears that Evan has a new product, a butt plug, that allows those who rub it to take over the body of the person screwing Juli in any particular scene. Wow, what a laff riot!

Along the way you hear such stupidities like "The real talent in the movie business is in the adult side; Meryl Streep and similar haven't really got it," watch ridiculous scenes with fans (the office workers at VCA) including several ugly women clamoring for autographs from Juli, Hatcher acting the part of a girl and in voice-over describing the delights of being screwed homo-style, and anti-male ideas such as Tina doing a g/g with Dee to show Hatcher, "How to pleasure a woman." What silliness! But it's the sort of philosophy Hart and her ilk want to impose on the rest of the population. Fortunately they don't have any power except among the chorus of industry slavering fan boys and the reject anachronisms from the seventies.

Most of the people (all the unfamiliar names) above are extras on the sets and many of them are quite revolting looking. Hart herself appears as a disgruntled neighbor complaining about a porno movie being made next door and doesn't take off her clothes.

Sexwise: Juli and Charlie do a g/g; Ron screws Shawna; Tina and Dee do a g/g; Juli masturbates; Devin screws Juli including an anal; Mickey and Lexington share Juli including a DP; Brigette and Juli do a g/g and then after Juli leaves, Evan screws Brigette including an anal ending in a tit cum shot; and Hatcher screws Chloe ending in a tit cum shot and then he goes back in and anals her ending without a cum shot. Except as noted all scenes end in facials and all scenes use condoms. Date of production: 6/00.

East Meets West 2

EAST MEETS WEST #2 2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Michael Danze Featuring: Miko Lee, Bamboo, Cebu, Mattie La Mae, Sammie, Kyle Stone, Nick East, Pat Myne, Chris Cannon

Fortunately I missed out on watching {#1} but I wasn't so lucky this time. Miko runs the "East-West Cleaning Service" which sends out Oriental girls to clean houses. Kyle happens to have his wife working for East-West even though she's not Oriental and he's also running for election to some unstated office.

He's having a find raiser so he has East-West send around Cebu who probably goes under some other name but I don't know what. She's Oriental with a passable face, small tits, not much waist, long reddish-black hair, prominent treasure trail, and a shaven pussy. As soon as Kyle mentions "election" she thinks he says "erection" and proceeds to suck his dick. They screw ending in a facial.

Kyle rings his buddy Chris and tells him how to get onto this good thing so next we see Chris screwing Bamboo including an anal ending in a tit cum shot.

The word must have really spread because now the phones are ringing off the hook at East-West and Sammie (Kyle's wife--huge cantaloupes, whorish look, long teased blonde hair, horrible dentition, thick body, marginal face, and a stubbly pussy) is getting flustered. Miko calms her with a g/g.

Back at Kyle's place the caterer has now arrived to prepare for the party and one of the staff, Nick, bumps into maid Cebu. He mentions the "election" and she's on her knees instantly. They screw ending in a belly cum shot.

Miko comes by for the party but she's early so she goes upstairs with the head caterer, Myne, and they screw including an anal ending in a belly cum shot. Nick catches Mattie (credits: Paige Sinclair) stocking the cabinets in the very nice kitchen and--what the hell!--they screw ending in a belly cum shot.

Finally, Kyle accuses Miko of running a hooker service which she denies, saying that the girls have just been trained to take care of the client's needs. He apologizes with a screw which becomes a three way when wifey Sammie comes in. It ends with a tit cum shot on Sammie. Condoms in all scenes. Date of production: 7/00.

Euro Anal Sluts 2

EURO ANAL SLUTS #2 1998--VCA
Producer/Director: John Decker Featuring: Monika, Stephanie Silver, Rebecca Ramada, Katarina Martinez, Marina, Ursula Moore, Ellen, Carmen, Roxanne Hall, J.J. Michaels, John Decker

A continuation of {#1} with some of the same girls and in this one Roxanne does actually take off her clothes and have sex but sounds like she's only about 10 cents on the dollar. Drunk or drugged, I would guess. The scenes are the usual uninteresting going through the motions sex scenes with not too attractive girls that one has come to expect in European productions. I'm not going to bother with a description, even abbreviated; if you like the Euro girls you'll rent it, otherwise you'll say "No, thanks". Sexwise: JJ screws Monika including an anal ending in a facial; Decker screws Stephanie including an anal ending in a facial; Rebecca, Katarina, and an unnamed girl do a g/g/g; JJ, Decker, Marina, and Roxanne do a four way (Decker also shaves Marina's pussy) including anals of both girls and ending in butt cum shots; Decker screws Ursula including an anal ending in a butt cum shot; and JJ, Ellen, and Carmen do a three way including anals of both girls ending in a tit cum shot. Note that the last scene is in black and white for some reason. No condoms were used. Date of production: 6/4/98.

Young Muff 4

YOUNG MUFF #4 2000--Armageddon Entert.
Producer/Director: Derek Newblood
Featuring: Phoenix, Samantha Sterlyng, Sienna, Star, Allison Tate, Luciano (Mike Long), Dick Nasty (Brit), Phil Oliver, Brandon Iron, Marc Woods

Phoenix is quite cute and has a very nice smile but the only advantage to the rest is that they seem young. Otherwise this is just plotless sex scenes with barely seen studs.

Phoenix has shoulder length straight blonde hair, nice smile, medium tits, belly button post, tight waist, shaven pussy, tattoo (name) right thigh outside, wide hips, a little big on the butt, and a pretty face. Dick Nasty screws her. Samantha has outlasted her welcome and sounds like a hooker discussing the price. Marc screws her. Sienna has a marginal face, shoulder length curly reddish-brown hair, overbite, very white skin, small/medium tits, splooge of pubic hair, scroll tattoo across her tailbone, big butt, and a lithe body. Phil Oliver screws her ending in a chest cum shot. Star has very short reddish-brown hair, not too pretty face, piranha teeth, tongue pin, small tits, tight waist, near shaven pussy, and a lithe body. Brandon Iron (credits: Alek Hidell) screws her in his usual punishment style. Allison has short blonde hair, marginal face, and white skin. She never removes her top and we see little of her front except her face. Suspect major damage. At one stage I thought she might be pregnant. Luciano screws her. Except as noted all cum shots are facials. No condoms were used. Date of production: 12/27/00.

L.A. Unforgiven

L.A. UNFORGIVEN 2000--VCA
Producer/Director: James Nono, Francois Clousot Featuring: Julie Meadows, Tina Cheri, Ryan Conner, Sammie, Cheyanne, Herschel Savage, Evan Stone, Chris Cannon, Michael J. Cox, James Nono, Peppermint Stick, Jace Rocker

Pat Riley writes: Fans of the whorish and the big breasted might see some interest here but most will give this one a miss. The plot is far too involved for the porn industry and there's neither time nor the acting skill available to bring it off.

Cox is a PI with a sidekick in the form of Evan and a secretary Sammie (see {East Meets West #2}) and he shows his PI skills by peeking on and photographing Chris screwing Tina including an anal ending in a facial. It appears that Tina was the wife of James Nono and we watch Cox tell him the bad news.

He's then approached by Peppermint who happens to be the best looking girl in the movie but unfortunately she does no sex and doesn't even take off her clothes. She asserts that she's the wife of big real estate developer Herschel and she thinks he's cheating on her and asks Cox to investigate. He does and of course Herschel is cheating. We watch him screw Julie ending in a pussy cum shot. Then, after Cox spreads this all over the newspapers (!) the big bombshell hits. It turns out Peppermint wasn't Herschel's wife, Ryan was, and she's going to sue Cox for everything he has with the aid of lawyer Jace.

This upsets Cox so he goes off to remonstrate with Ryan and while he's away Evan screws Sammie ending in a tit cum shot. Ryan "has needs" too and demonstrates them by allowing Cox to screw her ending in a pussy cum shot. Cox sends Evan off to investigate Julie and as we all know the way to investigate is to screw the girl in this case including an anal ending in a facial.

Meanwhile Herschel still has an itchy dick so he screws the maid Cheyanne (see {Bring 'Um Young #2}) ending in a facial. Cox needs to really apply pressure to Julie so he screws her including an anal ending in a tit cum shot. From the dialog it appears that Julie is Ryan's sister and that this is a scam they pull to extract money from unsuspecting real estate developers (or something like that). Unfortunately Herschel takes this to heart and puts a gun in his mouth and blows his brains out but the budget didn't run to any special effect and we just hear the gunshot off camera. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 8/00.

Porn Star Mariah

Mutt writes on RAME: Hey peeps. I'm brand monkey spankin new here. Are you guys familiar with the pornstar Mariah? She's usually in Teen type flicks. She's really really cute and looks maybe Hispanic or maybe part black. Does she have a last name in her stage name? When I do searches on her at different places I get back the name Mariah Kane and Mariah Wind........is this her or are these different chicks?

Pat Riley replies: Mariah Kane is my preferred appelation but she's most frequently credited as just Mariah. Mariah Wind is another girl altogether. There's also a Mariah Likesit but she seems to have disappeared after a few movies. There's also a 100% black girl called "Mariah" who appeared in a few movies such as FWF #3 and #13 and Sugar Walls #16. In addition to "Mariah", Mariah Kane has also been credited as Gina, Mirra, and Marian.

Mutt writes:Also I read Luke F-rd sometimes and he usally has these reviews by Patrick Riley, which is how I found this newsgroup. Has Riley ever critiqued Mariah? I'm really interested to see what he thinks about her cause he seems like a pretty good assessor of pornstar girls beauty.

Pat Riley writes: 18 years old in 1998 with long straight brown hair with a fringe, pretty face, small/medium tits with large nipples, flat belly, narrow hips, hairy pussy, tight waist, faded tattoo on her left bicep of the word "DREY" in flowery script (the name of "a friend"), and a lithe body. Very nice smile and personality. De-virginized at 15 by a 30 year old guy. In {MDD #91} she says she had a baby 18 months earlier (i.e. at 16) but there's absolutely no evidence of belly deterioration or stretch marks there or elsewhere although there is a faint treasure trail. In {Freaks, Whoes, And Flows #7} she says she's half black and half Italian and in {Freshman Fantasies #17} she says she comes from Brooklyn, NY. In {Black Panty Chronicles #4} she adds that she lives in West Hills, was born on December 31, had a secretarial job prior to entering the business, was introduced courtesy of Xtacee, and that she's currently trying to get her GED. She smokes and her hair may not be her own. Her mother looks white and you can watch Ed screw her too in {MDD #96} while Mariah waits in the next room.

Mutt writes:What do other guys think of Mariah? Does she ever do the show circuit like CES and East Coast Video? Does she feature dance? Married? Single?

Riley writes: I'm not sure of her marital status but she makes reference to boyfriends and seems to change them from time to time.

Guy Touching Another Guy's Dick In A Straight Video

Ronk writes on RAME: I just saw My Ass 9 and in the dap scene with the French talent, a strange thing happens. The dap position was cowgirl and when the dick of the guy at the bottom popped out of the lady's a-hole, another guy helped push in back in. This is weird and the first time I have seen such a scene, where a guy deliberately touches another guy's dick (except for incidental contacts in dap or dpp scenes). Have anybody seen scenes like this? Brrrrr.......

Rog Reviews Taken

JcJoe writes on RAME: Roger has seen SO Many adult films over the years that he would NOT know a good film from a bad one. Taken is a plot driven movie and therein lies the problem for Rog. He fails to understand that an adult film can offer pathos and strength to compliment sexuality (as Taken proves) BUT when one looks for sexuality ONLY (as Roger's reviews all too often do) then he or she will indeed fail to recognize the depth of a film such as Taken. I (for one) am so tired of "assembly line" adult movies with OVER emphasis on the mult-angles of the "old in and out" and an almost non-existent story line, that it is a true JOY to find such a film as Taken.

When John ASScroft and Daddy's Coat Tails' Pornogeddon comes (and it surely will), a film such as Taken (or for that matter, ANY of Ms Hart, Brad Armstrong, Michael Ninn or Michael Raven's work) would stand muster in US courts. For these folks,along with Paul Thomas, have long turned out what I call "porn plus"---porn to stimulate both the cockola AND the medulla! Sadly, however, it will be Max Hardcore and one of his "speculum spectacles," or something crawling out of Robert Black or Kid Vegas that Southern (always upper case) baptist (always lower) packed juries in the Bible Belt will review for any "socially redeeming values!"........... Kudos to Ms Hart for yet another job well done, "cooties" for Mr. Roger for not recognizing it!

Mike Paul replies: Lame stories involving people I wouldn't want to know do *not* make porn better. They just feed the ego of people who think they are above the genre they are currently working in. I'm *hoping* "Taken" isn't one of those, but if you're going to lump it in with the CRAP Paul Thomas cranks out, I'm worried...

There are movies that would be fun to experience for real; most of what I've seen by Paul Thomas and Michael Ninn do *not* fall into that category...

Men Seek Sex From Women

Patrick Riley writes on RAME: From the point of puberty on, the average male has an urge to screw a female, almost any female, but he finds very quickly that females won't put out for him. It's not just that they have a set of rules he has to follow or if they do, they won't tell him what they are except in incomprehensible (and vague) terms. Not only do the females refuse to do what he wants but he soon finds that other males support the girls and not him. What a stab in the back! You'd think that other males would understand the agony of the ever-present hard-on and the lack of a nice place to put it but no, even if they can't or don't want to use the female, they still make life difficult for the young male.

Some males have "it" meaning the ability to convince the female to put out, so our typical non-successful young male enquires of those who have "it" seeking guidance and frequently those (let's call them) Don Juans, being of a similar age, are quite forthcoming as to their success: basically they don't know why. They talk of skills at social intercourse--their looks and monetary accomplishment or future are not obviously better than Mr. Typical--but when push comes to shove, they can't provide anything more than platitudes.

It's a real mystery, until...one comes to a realization that there's something else operating here. The fundamental error made by Mr Typical is that he thinks there's an analogous (or corresponding) need in the female to get laid. Big mistake, which can be easily demonstrated in the negative: if females wanted sex, men would have no difficulty getting laid. The male might not be poking the gorgeous little cheerleader, nor would she be feeling the schlong of a Brad Pitt look-a-like but this would work itself out. If the criteria were purely looks, Brad would be poking Jennifer Anniston and Tom Arnold would be doing Roseanne Barr (I guess in the movie business, looks are the major factor). (Don't tell me that young males would be picky; I dated some pretty disgusting women in my youth in the hopes of sex and conclude with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight that getting the coyote ugly to put out is just as hard as persuading the cheerleader.)

You follow Luke F-rd, don't you? The trials and tribulations of Lynn L-patin are proof, proof, proof. Even though I might draw the line at an old biddy (and would in my youth, too) there are countless young guys who wouldn't as Lynn admits in her lamentations. But she doesn't just want sex. She tells how promiscuous sex in her youth was unsatisfying and now wants what one can best categorize as "love". Aw, gee, a real eye-opener eh? (I'm being sarcastic; I could have told her that years ago.)

Feed this information back into your youthful experiences and you soon see why you had to endure the constant agony of rejection and why it was so hard to come up with a standard set of rules as to how to get laid. Despite the female's advertised (by her looks, demeanor, etc) desire to copulate, that's not what she really wants. Fortunately there are (especially) young girls who provide sex because of peer pressure, because they want to have some nice things, because they need attention, because the male can be persuasive at times and they're easily led, because their defenses are down due to alcohol or drugs, etc. but these are not as easy as they sound. You have to be there, ready to roll, so to speak, with the right set of looks/skills/money/prestige/etc. and that's the big key to the success of Mr. Don Juan. The most important attribute for getting laid is the frequency of contact with females--lots of them. With frequency comes confidence and a gradual diminution of the pain of rejection, and since females don't quite know why they choose to copulate (when they do) constant contact increases the likelihood that you'll be there at the right time and place.

This vagueness is anathema to most males (check out the number of males who are collectors of something, an activity that requires precision and order) but I suspect that it's not something that worries you personally given your support of the "game". Oh, well, maybe you're a Don Juan, but most of us aren't so lucky and here's where porn comes in.

We can all construct a pretty good fantasy world wherein there's no rejection, and all females are available to us without that threat of rejection or rejection itself, however the fantasy world must have some basis in reality. For example, most guys are not going to be able, or want, to fantasize a three-headed girl. Moreover most males are inherently promiscuous so they want a change of female from time to time. Which female? Well, you could build one yourself but like as not you'll take an example from the porno movies or from real life. It's simply easier. Thus the fascination with new performers (yeah, I know, not you personally).

And then we come to the why or how you manage to get her to put out. You could imagine that every female just puts out for every male, and this is probably the view of some of the raincoaters but for others (myself, for example) this raises issues of cleanliness and how much she might actually want you as opposed to Joe Schmoe. (I'll leave aside evolutionary issues so I don't piss off Learned Hand and others.) So you have to somewhat relate what you know about real life and how the female can be motivated to screw you. One easy way is the carrot approach typified by the "good grades for sex" of Dane's movies; another is the old casting couch. Max specializes in the stick, "I won't tell your father...teacher". All valid ideas but these are hackneyed and porn needs to come up with better scenarios.

What doesn't work are the pool boy and the pizza delivery guy because they conflict with what we know about girls in real life, i.e., no girl would put out under such circumstances. You might as well not have a scenario at all and this no-rationale situation will actually work for the viewer if he can believe the sex-acting (see my previous post). He can infer a motivation or even ignore it.

Remember however that the female is not purposely being cruel in not satisfying your desires any more than the cat is being cruel in eating the canary. It's what she's built to do, so raincoater degradation and hurt is like punishing the cat for it's hunting activities. Especially when the object of your attention is in this case actually not being perfidious. In your fantasy (and the porn movie) she's putting out for you, isn't she?

However, while it's desirable in most cases that the female wants to have sex with you in your fantasy and enjoys it, the enjoyment is by no means essential. Don't forget that the purpose is for you to have an orgasm, not her. Last time I checked, female orgasms were not a predicate to male orgasms, although of course you might do what you can to make it pleasant and thus have the potential for a return engagement. Mike Tyson forgot this little lesson, and also forgot that there are lots of stab-in-the-back males out there who have no sympathy for your raging hard-on.

Rape is just another way of overcoming the female's defenses and ensuring that you get laid. No need for unnecessary violence (all too common in real life) though, just sufficient force or the threat thereof to ensure that she puts out. The problem in most porn, especially modern efforts that dare to tread in this area such as Robert Black, is that, like raincoater sex, it becomes an exercise in punishment (probably) for perceived wrongs in the past. No point.

You'll notice that rape ranks right up there with murder in the hierarchy of females' view of crimes. Ever wondered why? After all the vagina is built to take a penis so that's not the reason. Oh, yeah, in most cases it's a frightening assault. Nope, doesn't work either because being mugged is also a frightening assault and frequently considerably more painful but you don't hear the same horrific cries about that. The reason is (leaving aside the evolutionary questions; Learned Hand and all that) that rape negates the control the female has over the male. It eliminates that ability to deny sex and thus cause the male to do the female's bidding. Hey, isn't that what porno movies are about: the ability of the male to get laid when and where he wants to, regardless of the female's wishes in the matter?

Brad Williams Steps Down As Rame Moderator

Jeff aka faq@rame.net writes on the newsgroup rec.arts.movies.erotica (RAME): Despite much pleading and whining on the part of the moderators, moderator Brad Williams has decided to step down as an active moderator of rec.arts.movies.erotica. Brad's agreed to stick around and provide input on moderating issues. But he will no longer actively moderate the group. In order to keep the number of full-time, active moderators at the level we've become accustomed, we asked Frank Simmons to study the charter and posting guidelines and observe the existing moderators at work. Both the moderators and Frank have agreed that Frank's a good fit and has a good grasp of moderation policy. And now it's time to say goodbye to one moderator and welcome another. If you'd like to comment on this new change in direction, please send your comments to rame-request@linux-shell.net.

Mix writes on RAME: It's surprising that anyone could stick at such a thankless task for any length of time. Despite occasional annoyances and inconsistencies, a moderated news group like RAME is a far more pleasant and productive experience than an unmoderated one. I frequent several groups apart from this one, and am constantly dismayed by the obsessive and paranoaic behaviour and mindless abuse that characterises almost all of the unmoderated ones. The fact that the majority of posters are sensible does not compensate for having to wade through endless personal attacks and trolling.

Arch Stanton writes on alt.cult-movies.erotica: What I cant understand is why they would want the job. Is there something Im missing? Do any of them make any moolah as a result from being moderators? For instance, pointing referrals towards certain distributors who sell vids, dvd, and other adult products? I cant imagine there's any glory in it. Do they stand there at the party all full of themselves and say "well, you know I am a moderator for a world-wide reknowned newsgroup." I've never felt personally insulted as in Im-gonna-veto-this-cos-its-arch. Just aggravated cos of their inconsistency. I dont believe any have targeted me personally. But as you know it's frustrating to have a post vetoed for what I would consider a bulls--- reason.

Perhaps you've hit the nail on the head. They've just lost interest and dont really care about the job. I know I would tire of it. What do they do for moderator burnout. Send them to Hawaai? If any of em have totally lost interest perhaps they should step down and get some new blood who at least would have some interest for a while anyway. Or do like Jeff did and step aside for awhile.

Pat Riley adds: Now that the iafd has "partners" (gawd, I hate that term) I wonder too. Before I believe that they had to pay the cost of the server out of their own pockets but now... But even if they are making something I can't imagine it's much.

I doubt that, although Jeff was pretty proud of the fact that he was quoted somewhere (I can't remember where now).

Notice that Brad and Imperator hardly ever post and Frans is a once in a blue moon-er.

Personally I'd like them to add a couple more moderators so that we get continuous coverage. Target approval in under an hour.

Stolen TV Cameras Used For Porn

Wrong location

From Luke F-rd, Publisher, l-keford.com: I've covered the porn industry for six years and I have never heard of a porn movie industry in Mexico. I seriously doubt there is one. The slightest check with anyone who covers porn would've revealed that.

Larry Lopez writes: The porn story seems to be evolving. A simple Google search -- "camera theft" Mexico porn -- shows a Business Week story from 8/18/98 about a rash of thefts from the pack covering Monica as well as a stream of thefts in other cities. The last graf: "What happens to a hot $75,000 TV camera? So far, none have turned up in the U.S.

The prevailing theory among news producers is that the equipment is being shipped off to Asia, where it's used to make high-quality porn videos. 'That,' the FBI's [DC field office flak Susan] Lloyd says, 'is just a theory.'" Now we have a Philly TV manager saying: "Most of the market [for stolen cameras] is in porn movies in Mexico."

Let's see. Asia in 1998. Mexico in 2001. That 'ol global market sure is dynamic. Wonder if it means anything that Asians make "high-quality porn" while Mexicans just make "porn"?

What Is A Raincoater?

Frank Simmons writes on alt.cult-movies.erotica: It is my contention that the acts on the screen had nothing to do with the term "raincoater" being used to describe the person in question. If I guy was to wear a trench coat to the theatre in the 1930s and jack-off to a Busby Berkley flick showing lots of bare legs and white panties, he/she (usually he) would still fit the profile of a raincoater. It is the act of public masturbation in a raincoat that defined the raincoater, not the material being watched.

The raincoater was someone who watched the movie exclusively (or nearly so) for his/her own personal sexual excitement and pleasure, and all other considerations were ignored.

Pat Riley writes: Perhaps but didn't everyone do this? How does this differentiate the guy who watched the movie in the seventies cinema and then went home and waxed the rocket in the privacy of his own bedroom? The crucial difference is the performance of what was and is generally considered a private, surreptitious act in a public or quasi-public place. Even though some cover may have been provided by the raincoat, the actions (if one looked) and the heavy breathing and other noises were unmistakable. One can compare it to defecating on the public street. Pants down, crouch, "uh, ooh, aah, aaaah", wipe, pants up, carry on.... What would you call that? I'd call it crude, disgusting, uncivilized...but perhaps excusable under certain exigent circumstances (wartime, mass movements of people...).

Frank writes: Thus, extrapolating the term to apply to the post-video revolution in pornography, a raincoater is one who watched porn exclusively (or nearly so) for his/her own sexual excitement and pleasure, other considerations (such as the desires of other people and entertainment other than pure sexual excitement) are ignored. To the raincoater, these other considerations are of such minor consequences that they do not infiltrate his/her consciousness.

Pat Riley writes: No. Extrapolating to the video era, the raincoater is a crude guy, one who would have masturbated (or defecated) in a public place except for the fact that modern technology has now allowed him to do his masturbation in his living/bed room. He doesn't need to defecate in public because he spends inordinate amounts of time near his own toilet .

Frank writes: Typically, a raincoater will prefer gonzo porn, and often prefer the more extreme acts because gonzo porn is less likely to provide him/her with "unnecessary distractions", however it is hardly a requirement. If somebody was so into Meryl Streep that he/she was constantly watching bits and pieces of Meryl Streep movies and jacking off to them, he/she would still be exhibiting raincoater behavior, albeit in an unusual manner.

Pat Riley writes: So anyone who jacks off to any movie--anyone in fact who masturbates is a raincoater? Don't think so, Frank. Of course you can't tell for certain who "would have" jerked off in the porno cinema however the hint is in what the guy watches and, lattara excepted (he's above all this ), what he presumably fantasizes doing in real life. Remember the old saying, "You are what you eat"? Same idea. If you consume with relish a masturbation diet of crude porn especially that centering on the excretory functions of the human body, you're a raincoater. If you like low-grade slutty whorish women of the type you might find turning tricks in the sleazy areas of town, you're crude. You have no respect for your own body. You're a raincoater. Gonzo and wall-to-wall are more likely to be crude, and that's why the average raincoater likes them, not because of distractions although I suppose they play a part.

My Video Vixen Card - A Rant by Brandy Alexandre

Ex-porn star Brandy Alexandre writes: It's a trading card, like baseball cards. I was included in the premiere that came out in 1992 promoted by the now defunct Adult Video Association. It all goes back to VCA who would hired me because I refused to conform (in the nonconformist society that is porn) by joining their required associations or organizations. They obviously knew I could generate revenue, and this way they didn't have to give me any of it.

I just sent probably my thousandth rejection to a request to autograph my Video Vixen card. I wish there was a central place where I could get the message out there that I WILL NOT sign this card.

Just so you know, I was not consulted about it and had absolutely no input whatsoever. I know companies produce a lot of material on stars without consulting them as a point of promotion, but these cards were produced by a company who never hired me and they still want to make money off me? Ha! Plus, they didn't ask me about the picture, when I had much better shots, or the information. They asked Bill Margold, who, of course, had to throw in a piece of crap title he had his paws in instead of the movie I had wrote, produced, directed and starred in, and, as a personal stat, the first woman to do it all at the same time. He said he didn't know, but he has always had my phone number and could have easily called and asked, "We're going to put you on a card. What do you want on it?" So, you can imagine my disappointment.

At first I signed a few of them, begrudgingly, and then stopped signing them at all. I kept several because I just didn't want people to have them, then I started returning them with a note. It's the principle of the thing (I swear they're going to put that line on my tombstone - "It's the principle!")

I don't know if those cards are still in print or if it really takes people this long to get around to asking for autographs. But, if the cards were promoted as something the stars on the cards *will* sign, it was a lie.

Luke Jeopardizes Media Perils Insurance?

I think Lloyds of London is reeling from picking up most of the tab for my three lawsuits over the past 15 months. This morning I got this email from the National Writers Union (NWU.org), from whom I secured my libel insurance:

Dear NWU Media Perils Insurance Policy-Holder:

The application for the new Media Perils Insurance policy period is now available. We are working to post the application and the underwriters' endorsement on our web site as soon as possible. You can also call our National Office East at (212) 254-0279 to request a copy of these materials to be faxed to you, or respond to this message requesting a PDF file of the application via email. While it would be preferable for applications to be returned at your earliest convenience, the absolute deadline for submitting your application has been set by the underwriters as May 1, 2001.

Many of you may be wondering why these materials are only being made available now. At the last minute, the Lloyds of London syndicate that underwrote the policy for the last two years proposed a number of unacceptable changes. Among these, the syndicate proposed that the deductible be raised from $5,000 to $7,500 and that in addition to this policy-holders would be charged a 5% coinsurance fee on any money the syndicate paid out.

During the past few weeks, the National Writers Union and Bosquett & Co. have worked to find a new underwriter to offer the policy to NWU members on more reasonable terms. After research and negotiation, we have found a different syndicate of Lloyds of London - this one is U.S. based - to underwrite the policy with no coinsurance fee and with no increase to the deductible.

While we were able to secure these terms, there are some updates on the new policy. The premium for a full year's coverage has been increased from $195 to $215. Also, an exclusion has been added to the policy against "pornography, obscenity and adult entertainment industry activities." Due to the highly litigious nature of this industry, all of the underwriters approached deemed it too much of a liability to cover in a policy such as ours.

HOWEVER, one of the main reasons we opted for the U.S. syndicate of Lloyds of London was that they were able to frame this exclusion in the most reasonable terms. According to the policy, this exclusion can only be exercised on works that lack serious "literary, artistic, political or scientific value." Moreover, if an applicant believes that this criterion has been wrongly applied to her/his work, she/he has the right to convene an arbitration panel to review the situation. This arbitration panel would consist of three parties: one selected by the underwriters, one by the applicant, and one by mutual agreement of the former two parties.

Bob Jones writes: You should ask for clarification of that policy. Do "no serious ... value" apply to the term "obscenity" only, to obsenity and pornography, or to obscenity, pornography, and adult industry activities? Your work definitely is not obscene, and it has serious literary value. If they intend the "no serious..." test to apply to the entire exclusion, you can get and be protected by this policy.

Helpful writes: Very true. LF.com is my number one source for bestiality discussion and links!

Taxi Dancer

2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Fred Lincoln
Featuring: Kylie Ireland, T.J. Hart, Dominica Leoni, Mirage, Sydnee Steele, Colt Steele, Marty Romano, Lee Stone, Steve Hatcher, Pat Myne, Cheyne Blanc, John Decker, Chenin Blanc, Rod Strange, Kalim Shakoor, Sandy Muang, Bernadette Brazal, Tasha Tacosi, Tina, Candy, Richard Kerrill

Here's another males-are-all-pigs movie told from the female viewpoint, badly told I might add with the viewer not knowing what's happening for the first half-hour or so and then having to re-orient himself when it becomes clear(er).

Kylie is a taxi dancer, meaning that she sell dances to guys at a dance hall--I thought these places disappeared in the forties?--and has relationship problems with guys who just can't handle it when they find out what she does for a living. Despite her and the other girls insistence that they're just selling dances, there's plenty of prostitution going on at the dance hall. Little wonder that the guys have problems forming a relationship; how would Kylie feel if the guys hired themselves out to dance and aged ugly women paid them for sex?

Anyway, after a little incident where photographer Decker changes her tire in a "bad" neighborhood (if this is a bad neighborhood, these people have never been to NYC), and some prostitution by TJ, we watch Hatcher and Kylie celebrate something in bed with champagne and a screw. "Celebrate what?" we and Kylie ask. Well, Hatcher's leaving her and does after getting his rocks off.

Back at the dance hall there's some more prostitution (or maybe suitcase pimping) between Lee and Sydnee who both commiserate with Kylie over her hard life. There's some more dialog about Decker hiring Kylie as a model and doing a series based on Rubens' paintings (just joking about the Rubens part) and then some more prostitution with Colt, Mirage (credits: Briana Banks), and Dominica (looking old and dissolute; how quickly these girls deteriorate). Well, finally Decker, as we knew he would, gets into Kylie's pants and then, making a big mistake, proposes to her. For some reason Decker has TJ and Sydnee around to his place for modelling and they do a g/g and then, off camera, he breaks up with Kylie. Can't handle her being a whore. How unusual. She's fed up with this so she does a three way with Myne and Cheyne (credits: Cheyne Collins) and then announces that she's leaving the taxi dancer business for good. People not named as doing sex are extras in the dance hall.

Sexwise: Marty screws TJ ending in a tit cum shot; Hatcher screws Kylie including an anal ending in a belly cum shot; Lee screws Sydnee ending in a chest cum shot; Colt, Dominica, and Mirage do a three way ending in a butt cum shot; Decker screws Kylie including an anal ending in a tit cum shot; TJ and Sydnee do a g/g; and Myne, Cheyne, and Kylie do a three way with no anals ending in a facial and a pussy cum shot. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 11/14/00.

Black Tail Shooters 3

BLACK TAIL SHOOTERS #3
2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Johnny Sharp Jr., Jim DiGiorgio
Featuring: Kenya, Kia Ivey, Lola Lane, Caramel, Cashmere, Karl Kinkade, Cuba DeMoan, Julian St Jox

A couple of beasties here and the rest aren't too good either. Waste of time.

The Cashmere in this one is the just-out-of-the-obstetric-ward not too pretty woman from {Booty Talk #21} and not the good looking Cashmere from {P.Y.T. #3}. Caramel still has a pleasant fun personality but her body keeps deteriorating every time I see her. Karl is an English black guy who Kenya, based on his accent, accuses of being French (yuk, yuk!). He's most offended.

The set up is just like the earlier volumes: the guys pretend, not very convincingly, that they're big time pornographers and audition (read: screw) the girls. As usual with the black girls, be careful of trying to match up names; they might not be the same girl. Kenya can be seen in {Tales From The Darker Side} and Kia and Lola are near plumpers and can be seen in {Off Da Hook #3}. Sexwise: Karl screws Kenya; Cuba screws Kia; Julian screws Lola including an anal; Cuba screws Caramel including an anal; and Karl screws Cashmere. All scenes end in facials and all scenes use condoms. Date of production: 11/17/00.

Cap'n Mongo's Porno Playhouse

Cap'n Mongo's Porno Playhouse
2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Antonio Passolini Featuring: Teri Weigel, Bailey (2000), Aleksandra Nice, Brigette Kerkove, Jewel Valmont, Keki D'Aire, Keri Windsor, Lee Stone, Pat Myne, Bobby Vitale, Randy Spears, Evan Stone, Cheyne Blanc, Mark Davis, Simon Delo, Joel Lawrence, Bridgette Powerz, Anthony Crane

Patrick Riley writes on RAME: This seems to be a take off on a children's TV show, perhaps {Pee Wee Herman's Playhouse} or if I recall correctly there was an even earlier show that used a sea captain, as Captain Mongo is here, as the main character. Whatever it takes off it has the attribute of catering to those with the attention span of a flea in heat (or a child) with fast cutting and some speeded up motion in the non-sex parts.

Simon plays the title Captain and has an assistant, Chumley (Bridgette Powerz); a friend, f---o the clown (Evan); a neighbor, Miss Yvette (Teri); and a hand-puppet, Mr. Pantyhose (Crane). Assorted other "friends" (just like {Mr. Rogers Neighborhood}) figure in the show. Although this is reasonably well done with good acting (for a porno) in the non-sex parts, there's nothing erotic here. Passolini (not the real one; Pier Paolo did a some very erotic work) just doesn't understand the purpose of a porno or is deliberately obtuse and refuses to conform. And a kid's program as the theme? Maybe if you want to do some kiddie porn, it might work. Perhaps Passolini could take advice from Max; eliminate the verbal and physical abuse and Max could do a very good Mr. Rogers.

Then we have the women. Fortunately Powerz stays fully clothed--nothing erotic about midgets--but Teri doesn't and looks aged and generally revolting. Has she had further tit enhancement? The rest have outlasted their welcome, some by more than a hundred movies, and/or are fat (Keki), or never had a welcome to begin with. The only exception is Jewel (credits: Ava Vincent) who looks OK but her scene lacks passion--they all do, really.

After some, "Hi, kids,"-type conversation to establish the characters, Mongo uses his telescope to spy on Teri (wears a corset to try to hide her bulging body) screwing fireman Joel Lawrence (tit cum shot) and then Mongo is visited by Evan for some hilarious (?) references to Evan's diarrhea. We watch an educational film on buttf---ing in which we see Lee anal (only) Kerkove (cantaloupes). Then it's a little playlet about pantyhose saleswoman Jewel who calls on Randy and they screw including an anal ending in a nice drop shot on her open asshole. Back to the telescope and this time Teri is having a pedicure courtesy of Keri which naturally leads into a foot-related g/g. Then we watch the porno, {Butcher Bimbos} wherein Bailey says she has this thing for butchers (the real cut-up-meat kind) and we watch Mark and Cheyne (credits: Cheyne Collins) share her including a DP. In, I suppose, a nod to {The Simpsons}, Evan hosts f---o's Krusty Korner where he does a three way with Aleksandra and Keki. Finally we have the winners of the "Who Wants To f--- Miss Yvette" contest, Myne and Bobby, who share Teri with no anals. Except as noted all scenes end in facials. Condoms used throughout. Date of production: 9/00.

The Madam's New Maid

The Madam's New Maid
2000--VCA
Producer/Director: Michael Carpenter Featuring: Miko Lee, Bailey (2000), Mirage, Tina Cheri, T.J. Hart, Bionca, Daisy Chain, Pat Myne, Chris Cannon, Joel Lawrence, Rick Masters, Michael J. Cox, David Hardman Hopeless.

Even Carpenter, who was credited in the publicity, refused to credit himself in the movie.

The idea is that Miko is having problems in the sack with her SO, Chris, to the point that he refuses to screw her when she offers herself fresh from the shower, so on the advice of her girlfriend, Bionca, she takes a job as a maid in Tina's whorehouse where for some reason the whores walk around the pool nude carrying an open umbrella. Of course Miko doesn't limit herself to handing out condoms and is soon opening her asshole for slimy clients like Cox.

As with all these type of movies, Chris arrives and is surprised to find his wife/SO whoring it out but loves doing a three way with her and Tina. (Yeah, that's believable; I'd be thrilled to find out my wife was picking up all the diseased bodily fluids of the average hooker user.) Although she professes undying love for him and tells him she'll be right home it appears that they hadn't achieved their quota of scenes for the movie so she has to stick around and screw some more. One amusing line is when Hardman is waiting to do a three way with Bailey and Mirage, and Miko is told straight-faced to give him the "large" condom.

Nothing amusing about the terrible acting or the poor quality cast though, at least not for the viewer. Miko was never pretty and has become porn fodder; Mirage was OK back when she had her natural tits but now not only are the cantaloupes ghastly but she's well past her useful life; Bailey lost it after her first few debutante movies; TJ is just too old for porn; and, Tina is flabby and is surely a whore in real life.

The only one who surprisingly looks OK is Daisy Chain and that's probably because they covered most of her tattoos and she only does a g/g. And now Bionca. You know what Marilyn Chambers looked like on her return. Well, the good news is that Bionca is not quite as fat but I imagine that if you had Janet Reno remove her clothes her body would resemble Bionca's. Please, please, put the oldies over in the oldie section.

Sexwise: Joel screws TJ ending in a tit cum shot; Bailey and Mirage do a g/g and then Hardman makes it a three way ending in a facial; Cox screws Miko including an anal ending in a tit cum shot; Bionca and Daisy do a g/g; Tina and Miko do a g/g and then Chris joins them for a three way ending in a tit cum shot; and Masters and Myne share Miko with no anals ending in facials. All scenes use condoms. Date of production: 8/17/00.

Luke Gets Mail

Frank writes: i hear there's a yahoo club for obsession (black performer) and there's a msg thread on it talkin about XXX (another black performer) testing positive. now dont be irresponsible..check it out first before ya print some s--- that might get ya on the bad side of the bruthahs.

Fred writes: 1. Is Cindy Plenum a real porn star or a fictitious porn star? Other than your web site, I don't think I've ever heard of her?

2. Why do you think that Ms. Chong does not properly apprehend the meaning of feminist empowerment jargon? (It's just like a patriarchical thinker like yourself to say something like that.)

Lynne L-patin writes: I like to open my window blind in the morning and see the world....the weather....but we live on a street where people walk by.... My dog is very protective, as you know, and I am really jumpy about this neighborhood, as you know. So she likes to stand on the bed and woof at people as they walk by, and I turn around and acknowledge them and tell her....he's okay....and she quiets down...well, she has to get the last word in because she is a bitch in the honorable sense of the word, so we get a few quiet woofs under her breath.

I am waiting for my brother to leave, so I can turn off the TV and take a shower in peace....the dog takes up her place outside the bathroom door so that if anyone comes in to attack her helpless naked mommy, she is there to be ferocious....

The essay I wanted to write was that yesterday you got a lot of advice. You should change your friends. You should give up your site. You should not communicate with me. You should take this or that stand. I wanted to play off that, both on the concept of should and should not, as in negative and positive forms of guidance, including religious, and on the specific needs people have to tell YOU what you should and should not do, and then since I had casually mentioned for myself that I needed different friends, maybe go into that a little -- what makes a friend, as opposed to what I guess is called a "fairweather friend." After all, when we met, I was in the middle of trying to set up a business deal with Eddie Nash, which impressed you mightily. A year later, I felt I needed to take a sabbatical from porn, to see if something else interested me as much or more, and to rediscover who I was in the wake of Bruce's illness and passing. And people said....why be friends with her? She's not one of this week's "movers and shakers." She's not even cute! BUT....I drive around in silence now, because there's only the one radio station I liked to listen to in the morning, which played the music I liked and didn't have HOWARD STERN on it....and that station dissed my FRIEND and I've not the slightest desire to hear it anymore....

So, having failed to write the essay I wanted, and ending up only with the above, here's my "Luke should" for the time being: "Luke should do whatever the f--- makes him happy....."

Jeremy Steele writes: She's got some f---ing nerve? What about a lawsuit for libel for saying I have an STD?.. What STD? Name it Psycho? Of course what STD causes a yeast infection anyway? Are you denying Dave Hardman had to get you arrested for stalking? Anyone go ask Dave Hardman. And I still work from time to time in this business.. What the f--- do you have to fear? Losing your $600.00/month mental health coverage? Of course how can I sue some broke mental case who has nothing to do but constantly post on l-keford all the time. Thanx Luke for continuing to post her ramblings. Maybe I should go find a retard to send you in comments too. I'm sure we are enthralled about her dream about you with Luke's 8inch hardon.. This is great journalism.

LT replies to Robert Lombard: Robert, thank you for a well written response. I owe you an apology. First, I should have realized, and more importantly, remembered you are in management. Not that there haven't been "managers" that have pushed fake tits onto and into some women, but these haven't been professionals (read: boyfriends or suitcase pimps). I realize the true culprits here are certain agents, directors and producers. Your response certainly spelled out some precautions that would be hard to fake.

I am aware that there are some women who truly "want them", but there are many who get them influenced by media, perceptions, peers and climate. These enter into far too many considerations.

Perhaps you could talk to more of the current crop of performers and point out that they have other possibilities as far as career options *before* they get cosmetic surgery in hopes of "expanding" their careers (I don't think many, if any, realize how this can truly limit their career options). Of course, I don't know, maybe these women who are still going and getting breast implants are ones that can't handle dialogue...that's for folks like you to decide. I'd like to think at least some of them could pull it off, I know some in the past that I believe could have, but weren't aware of any other avenue open to them. Again, thanks for a very well done response.

Rumdar writes: Still here in B-Kok buddy. No time for much E these days. BTW where did you get the extra 5 inches of throbbing member to press against Lynne's stomach? Are you sure she wasn't in the kitchen pressed up against a pepperoni?

Should Luke Get A Bed?

Yankel writes: Hey, I have an idea, instead of a bed, why not a small sofa, that open up into a bed. One of those cheap foam jobs.

Rivkah has a theory. She says it has nothing to do with martyrom. It's all about semantics. When you bring a girl back to your place, you can't take them to "bed." You have to take them to..."floor."

Luke replies: I like sleeping on the fall. I feel like I deserve to sleep on the floor until I turn my life around. I feel that I deserve the punishment. And I just like it. It just feels right for me for where I am at now. And when I make it big, or get married, which is making it big, then I will get a bed. But not before. Not until I get a new apartment and do many things that I am really proud of.

Yankel replies: I hate to tell you this, but that belief is very, very Christian. The way to get a wife, to turn your life around is to act Jewish, which means to act properly. That's what Judaism teaches. Get a bed. Get bookshelves. Live like a mensch. When you live like a mensch, you become a mensch. Isn't that what you tell the low-lifes on your web-site?

Luke says: For my sins, I was exiled from my bed. Now, doesn't that sound Jewish?

Yankel replies: No, it sounds like a Christian who is trying to sound Jewish. And you know it. Look, the reason they have a dress code in the Yeshivas is so the kids will act better. The more religious yeshivas, the more rigorous the dress code. The same applies to your living space.

Now, my fear is, that your living space simply reflects what's going on inside your mind -- pure chaos. If that's so, putting your living space in order is seemingly impossible. But Judaism is a behaviorist religion. It says do it, and the mind will follow.

Lynne L-patin: Luke once wondered why it was that he'll see a certain woman, and her looks will set his heart to pounding and leave him breathless. I told him it was just hormones, and to pay it no mind, because that is just lust, and not very important in the grand scheme of things. But, some day, when Luke looks at a woman and thinks "MATTRESS," he'll know he's found the real thing at last....

Lynne L-patin: I'll write you in the morning. I am answering one of our readers who wants to know why you allow people to be cruel to me on the site, and why I put up with it. I had a great day, and was thinking this afternoon....every day since I first met you...you've brought something new and different and exciting...sometimes painful, but sometimes transcendent....to my life. What an amazing creature you are!
Lynne L-patin: I have a date tomorrow at 12:30 at the school pool. I met this man last summer in my acting class, so we've known each other about eight months now. We've worked together in the towel room, and had a swim class together last term. He's in the Fitness Tech program, so we're gonna measure my heart rate, blood pressure and peak air flow before and after we swim, because I firmly believe that swimming heals the soul. And he knows I did porn. And he's younger than I am. Of course, I had to call him and set it up.
Lynne L-patin: Because one of the things that sets off asthma is anxiety, my doctor prescribed Xanax for me, since I'm going through finals, unemployment, a housing transition, etc. The Xanax is good....but it's led to a whole new cause for anxiety -- my housemates are dipping into my Xanax! I wouldn't have noticed except that apparently THEY got so anxious stealing my pills that they dumped them out on the floor, and now I'm sorting dog hair and ferret litter out of what remains...

Rumdar writes: Luke... Still in B-Kok. I rarely venture more than three blocks from my hotel. However, the other day I wondered down an ally and came upon a Middle Eastern restaurant. Sinister types were smoking from hookahs (not hookers) I was glad I wasn't wearing my tee shirt which says New York City in Hebrew. Oy! That may have ended my trip. Beheaded in Bangkok.

I believe your intentions regarding converting to Judaism and joining the High Dollar shul were obvious to all of us (on the advisory com.) and probably your new Jewish friends as well. I sincerely hope they take you along for the ride. I met an old Jewish man in the lobby of the Nana Hotel. His name is Izzy and (small world) lives in Houston. We bonded immediately. Izzy came over here in 1995 and never went home. Not true, he goes back for a month every year. Mostly he sits in the lobby and enjoys the freak show which could be some guy in a wheelchair connected to an oxygen tank being wheeled to his room accompanied by three of the youngest, most gorgeous women in B-Kok. Variations of this theme occur hourly. It must be seen to be believed.

Izzy told me he is the last surviving member of his family. The others were gassed in Poland. I didn't press him for details as I already saw Shindler's list and was bummed out by it. I took his picture and I think you should post it for a few hours to show your Jewish fans a real survivor.

I am in love again. The latest is Jun. A lovely little item who assures me she is 22 although she looks fourteen. We met at the cyber cafe when she asked me to translate an E from her errrrrrrrr! "boyfriend" in the states. They were stuck on one phrase. It was "I miss your big tits" ..of course I acted it out much to the laughter off all around. We walk hand in hand and I have to remind myself she is 22. I keep expecting to be busted for kiddie porn. It is like "Gidget Goes Bangkok" Regards to all (in my new Thai name) Kuhn Rum Poi

More Semantic Pollution Or Holy Racial Truth?

Chaim Amalek writes: I hate to admit this, but this stuff by Dr. Pierce is the very best porn on the web. I look forward to it come shabbas more than I do looking at any set of plasticized breasts. I cannot get enough of it. Luke, what would be toughest for you to explain to your friends in shul:

1. that you are gay (just assuming for the moment that you were, hint wink sashay wink hint);
2. that you make your money through the porn industry, or
3. that you love to read, generally agree with, and often post the essays of William Pierce?

Luke says: All would be equally difficult to explain to my friends in shul.