Monday, August 21st, 2000

John: Does the much-ballyhooed new Fallen Angel deal with Bizarre mean people get paid?

Bianca Trump On Howard Stern

Bianca Trump writes: I am going to be live on he Howard Stern show for my own segment...... Sept 8th.....radio....later to be aired on E.... Will let you know when I do. the topic is basically about being a open porn star escort......and not a typical bunny ranch girl

Things I've Learned From Porn

JGiles writes on RAME: 1000. No matter how many infinitessimally small permutations occur in sex positions in porn, most porn watchers will still be tuning into to them next year and complaining about the deterioration in porn and the imperfections in women who are 100x better than they will ever get next to, but that will be okay because their collection of porn will be so massive that they will no longer remember what they've seen and will continue to enjoy all their videos forever and never leave their house.

Submissive Little Sluts 6

Chupatinha writes on RAME: In All Good Video's "Submissive little Sluts 6" there is a set piece scene with April Flowers complaining to her shrink (Sean Michaels, yeah right!) about how her boyfriend wants her to swallow ("and his friends, too!") which leads to some role playing therapy where she makes a serious effort to take all of the schlong of Kong of Dr. Sean and very nearly makes it, coming within a half inch or so of touching his balls with her lips. Practice, practice, practice, maybe next time. Several other hot scenes follow including the gorgeous Monique doing two guys in a gym.

Watch Me Box, Bitch

Dear Luke: My name is Augie Sanchez aka: Kid Vegas. I had a fight on Saturday against Prince Naseem Hamed. Many feel I lost that fight because I was partying with Kid Vegas, "The Whoremaster." A lot of people think Kid Vegas is an asshole, but I'd like to set the record straight. Kid Vegas changed my life and career as a boxer.

I met The Kid a few years ago at his father's casino in Las Vegas. I was there to fight. I was young and very naive about the boxing world. Kid Vegas took me aside and told me I needed some style to make it big here in Vegas. He was right, and we quickly became great friends, like Apollo Creed and Rocky Balboa in Rocky #3. It was then that I adopted his porno stage name as my own. It was my way of saying thank you and paying homage to a great and wise Gen X star.

If you watched my fight on Saturday, you have seen my new, flashier, Kid Vegas inspired look. My shiney Kid Vegas boxing trunks were purchased at the Kid Vegas Superstore in Las Vegas. Thanks to my friend, Kid Vegas, I am now a better boxer and I look good! I have also become a part of the Kid Vegas Posse, and want everyone in the adult industry to know that I have Kid Vegas' back at the upcoming CES show. So don't f--- with the Kids. We'll f--- you up! Thank You.

Augie "Kid Vegas" Sanchez

P.S. f--- Jim Gunn

Dick writes: Luck I read your column whenever i get a chance and rarely feel compelled to voice my feelings, but Kid Vegas is lucky that he can even type after the ass whoopin Nas served up to him. Props to the Kid, but for all the hate I have for Nas, I'm not sure the Kid belonged in the ring with the Prince. Augie got in some good shots and I jumped up and screamed the loudest when he floored that loud mouth prick(Naz), but Nas was settin you up for the kill, Good Luck next time Aug!!!!!

KB Squires Dad Around Porno

Net porner Kevin Blatt squired his 60-year old father around the porn scene this past weekend. Friday they went to a Homegrown Video porn shoot. Saturday night they went to YNOT founder Rick Muenyong's party at his estate in Diamond Bar.

"It was at his estate, called 'An Evenings at Ricks.' A lovely affair with over 100 webmasters... Rick has mansion. He lives behind a gated community. Snoop Doggy Dog is his neighbor. Reggie Jackson, the California Angels and the Mighty Ducks live nearby. Rick had a live band in his living room."

Then they stopped by Cybererotica.com's Deep Porn party in Santa Monica but the line to get inside was too long.

Blatt will serve as the BlowmeLive.com's ringmaster Thursday night for the lesbian wrestling show.

A bunch of Southern California webmasters will meet soon to discuss broadband and other issues.

Blatt is representing the internet site of the adult industry and encouraging his peers to join the Free Speech Coalition. "Now's the time for us to talk in a collective voice... I'm the process of getting some major webmasters to back the Free Speech Coalition."

KB's brother D$ has returned from Europe where he was vacationing with his new girlfriend, Jennifer Rosenblatt, the AVN Advertising manager.

Brittany O'Connell

Rick writes Bill aka Kid Satyn:

DEAR BILL, BRIT STILL HASN'T WROTE ME BACK.

she probably won't write you back either. rick...she just isn't one of us and you have to except that.

DO YOU THINK SHE'S PISSED???

i don't know. and frankly i couldn't give a god damn. leave her alone. you are a nobody in her world...and that's what she's always thought about you. learn to except that.

I JUST TOLD HER SATAN WAS COOL AND ALL.... SHE IGNORED ME. WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO???

like i said before... leave her the f--- alone. she does gang bang scenes with cross bearers. you should have have known she wasn't one of us. i went looking everywere for those movies she supposedly made with her wearing a pentagram. they don't f---ing exist. i don't think they ever did existed. Luke F-rd is a liar. anyway...stop wasting your money buying her s---. she doesn't care and she thinks you're an idiot. and if you keep sending her s--- every other week...you really are an idiot. buy s--- for you. she can't appreciate the gifts you've given her because to her... its all fantasy. wake up rick. she's not your friend and she never was. she's in it all for the money. she'd rather do movies for forty something year old farts then people her own age. haven't you noticed that? are you that blinded by her big ass that you can't see that you're being used? wake up rick. get on with your life.

PornNewsDaily.com Interviews Sky

Meni Troupakis from PornNewsDaily.com interviewed ex-Vivid girl Sky by telephone. Here's an excerpt:

PND: Any advice to a girl just starting out in porn?

Sky: (laugh) Get out

PND: How long do you want to stay in the business?

Sky: I would say maybe a year

PND: What are you going to be after?

Sky: I'm going to be a Rockstar, I'm going to get a record deal

PND: What do you play

Sky: I play drums, but my guitar player is trying to talk me into singing

PND: What kind of music do you guys play?

Sky: We are more or less alternative

PND: Are you playing original music or covers

Sky: No its all original, none of it's covers

PND: What do you think of Napster?

Sky: My roommate said, "Napster's awesome"

PND: What bands influence you? Sky: Slayer (giggling)

PND: What's the deal with your website

Sky: I'm a statistic, I'm one of those people that had a bad experience. You know we are building it and its MileSkyClub.com

PND: What's your favorite drink

Sky: I can't drink alcohol because if I do drink alcohol, I might get loopy

PND: Oh you get worse than this? (joke)

Sky: People don't want to deal with me when I'm sober, trust me you don't want to deal with me when I'm drunk

PND: Who rocks the party?

Sky: Who rocks the party? I am the party, you know people don't know how to party, that's their problem

PND: What's your 10 year plan, be in the music business?

Sky: Totally, we have a studio on Sunset that will be up and running by the end of the month

PND: Is it that you don't like doing porn anymore? Or that you want to get into music and that's why you are ditching porn?

Sky: I got into porn because it's totally fun and it allows me to be who I am, and be totally goofy and make enough money so that I never have to work and I can do music. Because really, my sex scenes have paid for my studio. We just wanna play have fun, get a bunch of CDs out, and tour. Keep going and get bigger, we are gonna have studio, we are going to tour, we gonna take outside bands do their demos. If we can become a record label company we would.

PND: What's the band's name?

Sky: Its not to be released yet

PND: Why is that Sky: Cuz we can't say anything about it yet, its gonna be huge, it's too big to announce now

PND: I guess music is the direction you wanna go

Sky: Totally, that's how you take the industry you use and manipulating it for the industry you want

PND: There's a lot of porn to rock stuff going now, a website is producing a CD with porn stars contributing

Sky: That's all bulls---, seriously its all bulls---, like they are trying to use their porn stuff to make their name with the music industry. No I'll wake up the porn industry that I am doing music because that's where my head's at cuz I don't want to talk about everything else, its all bulls---, but music wise, I don't even tell any people what I do and we aren't going even .... like it's so separate

PND: What's your shooting schedule like?

Sky: I signed back in contract with Shane, my upcoming series called, "Sky's Day Off", which is a gonzo series, and I'll be in all the slumber parties and Shane's World videos, but in my contract I am able to do other feature films and other scenes for other people. Like I am going to do a bunch of movies for Sin City this year. At CES I'm going to sign for Sin City

PND: What do you do for fun?

Sky: Ride dirt bikes, play drums, and try to rap,.. like Tupac and think about doing dirty things to Eminem

PND: Do you find Eminem attractive?

Sky: I just want to f--- the s--- out of him, he's like a little brat and I just want to shut him up.

PND: Didn't his wife try to commit suicide twice, I think there's problems there

Sky: You know what it is, everybody in relationships needs a person who understands them, so that chick is just all wrong, he is just trying to make it work, right, and its making him mad, well, he's just pissing himself off, but he's selling lots of records, but he totally, if he had a chick who like.. I totally understand him, I'd be like, "what's up I'm down for you baby" see then it'd be cool

Joe writes: Luke: What was Sky smoking during that interview?? Calling her an airhead is an insult to air! What kind of contract could she have signed that lets her sign a contract with someone else?

Congrats on getting Laurie Holmes out of your hair. May you have the same good fortune with XXX.

To Lynne: We know your stand on female shaving...what about guys? You OK with shaved balls or do you like it natural?

Porn Is Stupid

Donedone@aol.com writes: After a 5 month hiatus, I went to Capt. Video and rented some flicks over the weekend. I spent about 30 minutes looking at the box covers, and was happy to see that the level of genius in porn has not changed. I was laughing histerically at one particular title...Sperm Burpers. The men thinking of these titles are utter geniuses. I was then fortunate enough to find Maxed Out 20 with the now famous Olivia/Max scene. I must say that is was a pretty impressive showing by Max. He has clearly become more fired up in his performances. I still dont understand the controversy really. Olivia does porn. She clearly drank or took some drug, I am assuming by herself. She new she was going to do a Max shoot which entails major anal reaming and other degradation. Wheres the controversy? She said stop, he didnt, but she still grabbed his cock, stroked it, asked for a facial and so on. I guess she got embarrassed by the scene which I could understand. All in all though, Max comes off terrible these days. I met him at a CES and he was cool. Now he just seems like hes addicted to something. Poor guy.

I also picked up a dirty debutantes, and filthy first timers #18. Both had some nice looking girls, both series are run by nutty weird guys. Ed Powers obsesses on being an older man, asking the girls if they like older men. Of course they dont, they are there for the money. Hes funny to with his skin tight spandex shirts ranging in color from Lime green to black. Im sure he is a nice guy, just looks like a clown. Filthy First timers is now run by some clown looking guy with a bad shaved neck. He has major neck bumps which look terrible. Plus he makes stupid faces. He says he Patrick Collins nephew or something. Porn is definitely a stupid industry Luke.

Houston's Labia Auction

In April of 2000, the world's most popular adult movie star, Houston underwent a labiaplasty (a procedure which reduces the size of a woman's labia majora by literally trimming off excess skin). Realizing that she could not let such an infamous piece of her body end up in the Biowaste pail, she's had it preserved for posterity.

Beautifully handcrafted
Hermetically sealed
Mounted on marble

This clear sculpture is now the permanent resting place for Houston's actual labia trimmings and now it can be yours. Comes complete with a engraved plaque of Houston's autograph A certificate of authenticty A signed photo A personal note from Houston to you Imagine how wonderful it would look atop your mantle beside the photos of Aunt Mary and Uncle George, on your coffee table beside a copy of your favorite men's magazine, or hidden in your underwear draw to make a nightly appearance when everyone in the house has gone to sleep! Click here: Item 965785542 (HOUSTON'S LABIA!)

Curious writes: $1,600 for Houston's labia! It's used for Christ's sake. Quite heavily used.

Helpful writes: Houston's labia is for sale? What's next Mila's hemorrhoids?

What I Have Learned From Porn

Fashion1st writes on RAME: 36. The average 25 year old male can name 50 Jenna Jameson video titles, but can only name 23 states.

37. How long has Ron Jeremy been in the porn biz? Back when he first started, most of the girls he works with now were just sperm.

38. If they put the effort into making a porn video, that they do the box cover art, I'd never leave the house.

39. Tom Byron's nude image is burned in many lonely single males brains forever.

40. Sunday nights from 10 to 11 pm are reserved for returning xxx videos. (No wonder I've never seen The Practice!)

Whatever Happened To Blake Mitchell?

Lec writes on RAME: After her legendary trysts with the likes of Ron Jeremy and Jack Hammer. Her great interracial scene with Sean Michaels in "Electropussy" and her recent female on male wrestling scenes I wonder if anyone knows of the whereabouts of one of porns most underrated,big titted redheads(last I heard she was escorting in Arizona)??????

N Smith: I guess she is in Los Angeles escorting. I saw an ad for her in one of the local papers. Blake Mitchell Porn Star 48FF-21-36 The telephone number provide had an 818 area code.

Laurie Holmes Seeks To Drop Lawsuit

Plaintiff Laurie Holmes, a porn star and widow of the late John Holmes, has sought through her attorneys to drop her lawsuits against VCA Labs, Bill Amerson, Cass Paley and Luke F-rd in return for confidentiality and the defendants agreeing not to sue her for frivolous litigation.

The defendants have agreed to not sue Holmes for frivolous litigation (very difficult to win) but I have not agreed to the confidentiality clause (without a $25,000 payment).

Here are the facts on the case as it pertains to me:

Luke F-rd, operates and publishes an Internet web site www.l-keford.com. The site is a tabloid-style media site that reports on the pornography industry. The site has discussions with adult film actors, actresses, directors, other publishers and publishes comments from the public (i.e., people can email Mr. Ford who may then re-publish such comments on the site).

On November 11, 1999, Luke F-rd published an article on his web site within which he re-published statements made by a Mr. Bill Amerson concerning the plaintiff, Laurie Holmes. Mr. Amerson's statements originally appeared in a documentary entitled "Wadd: The Life and Times of John Holmes." Ford states in his article that Amerson said that "`She would go out and hitch-hike around the block and turn tricks in the cars,' Amerson was quoted as saying." Ford goes on to write that "Laurie, a/k/a "Misty Dawn," according to the [New York] Post, denies having ever been a prostitute and is seeking unspecified damages." Thereafter, Ford includes a number of statements and/or emails from others, and includes his discussion with Amerson concerning the suit filed against Amerson. While both Amerson and Ford use the term "hooker" and/or terms "flipping tricks" throughout the discussion, the only time the term "prostitute" is used is as set forth above in the New York Post article.

On November 15, 1999, Laurie Holmes faxed a demand letter to Fantastic Online asserting that the statements were false and demanding to have the statements removed. Mr. Ford did not remove the statements but did publish the letter on his site. Holmes alleges damages to reputation.

WITNESS DEPOSITIONS

1. Alvin Goldstein

Mr. Alvin Goldstein is the publisher of Screw magazine and producer of a New York cable access show entitled "Midnight Blue." Goldstein is 64 years old and resides in Florida, New York, Amsterdam, Holland and maintains an apartment in West Hollywood. Mr. Goldstein's deposition consisted of questioning regarding his sexual interactions with the plaintiff Laurie Holmes, in return for money. Goldstein clearly did not take the deposition seriously. He consistently made jokes intertwined the same with his responses. Furthermore, he consistently used offensive language, inappropriate gestures and overall deplorable conduct. Goldstein essentially said that he paid any woman who had sexual interaction with him.

Mr. Goldstein testified that he met Laurie Holmes approximately two years ago on the set a film entitled something like "Hot Wheels and High Heels." Ron Jeremy was the director of the film. Laurie Holmes was one of the actresses. It was at some point during the making of this video that Goldstein told Laurie Holmes that he would like to perform oral sex on her and take her to dinner. He denies that there was any discussion about money at this point in time. About six months after that, Goldstein performed oral sex on Ms. Holmes and Ms. Holmes performed oral sex on Goldstein.

This first incident occurred at his Hollywood apartment after about five minutes of conversation. Prior to Laurie Holmes' arrival, his apartment, he had placed $200 in an open and obvious place in the room. Following the sexual interaction, Goldstein said something like "Oh, that's for you" -- pointing in the direction of the money. The money was apparently taken by Ms. Holmes. Thereafter, Goldstein and Holmes went to Spago's for dinner.

Four to eight weeks following the initial incident, another sexual encounter occurred at Goldstein's West Hollywood apartment. Thereafter he cannot recall whether he had sex with her two or three times. Ultimately, he learned that a man in Laurie's life had aids and he no longer wanted to run the risk. In follow-up questioning, Goldstein admits to never having sex with Ms. Holmes without paying her. She never refused the money nor asked what it was for.

The last time Goldstein has seen Ms. Holmes was socially within the last six months. However, no sexual interaction took place. This was at a party that Ron Jeremy or Mark Carrier invited Goldstein to. Goldstein says that he has never discussed Laurie Holmes' case against Bill Amerson or VCA Labs. However, he does recall speaking to Cass Paley. However, he was unable to convey any details of the conversation. He also may have discussed this case with Al Jeremy and Dennis Hof. Goldstein describes Hof as a pimp. He runs or owns several whore houses in Nevada. Goldstein stated that Laurie Holmes worked at the Bunny Ranch because Dennis Hof featured porno people there.

Goldstein denies having a prior conversation with defense counsel Arash Homampour (counsel for VCA Labs and Bill Amerson) wherein Goldstein said that he had sex with Ms. Laurie Holmes in exchange for money. He says he may have said that and won't deny it but he does not recall specifically. Money crossed hands. He states that he does not believe that she would have sex with him had he not taken care of her (i.e., in exchange for money).

Goldstein admitted to knowing plaintiff's counsel, Greg Smith. Goldstein refers to him as "Greg." He met him approximately one year ago through friends of Goldstein. Goldstein admits to discussing the case with Greg some several months ago. However, Goldstein was evasive on what they discussed. He says that he knows Greg but does not listen to him. Goldstein goes on to admit that he had dinner with plaintiff's counsel two nights prior to his deposition. He again denies that the case was discussed. Finally, Goldstein admits to having smoked marijuana at some point the night before his deposition. He is also taking some prescription medication.

Regarding the film in question, Goldstein saw the film at the Egyptian Theatre at its premiere. He does not remember whether Laurie Holmes was present at that screening. Goldstein goes on to say that he has interviewed Ms. Holmes on his TV Show, "Midnight Blue," and interviewed in his Screw magazine. Goldstein has no knowledge of Ms. Holmes being a fluff girl. In fact, he does not believe they exist anymore due to these video as opposed to frame shots. In the final analysis, Goldstein stated that he believes that nothing would have happened if money had not been part of the relationship between himself and Laurie Holmes.

2. Shaun Michele Sedivec

Shaun Sedivec is a 47 year old former adult film actress. She began making adult films at the end of 1979 and continued in this profession until approximately 1983. Thereafter, she continued doing phone sex. Sedivec first met Laurie Holmes in approximately 1980 or 1981 while doing "loops" (a short couple of sex scenes that are put in machines and sex shops). Sedivec testified that Laurie Holmes would generally dress up like a little girl during such filmings. At that point in time, Laurie Holmes would probably be 18 or 19. However, she looked like she was 12. Ms. Sedivec testified that Laurie Holmes would perform sex during this loop. To get an earlier scene so she could leave and do whatever else she needed to do. Laurie Holmes would show up for the loop filmings and go into another room with the man filming the videos. Soon thereafter the man would come back sweaty and she would come out and get to do her scenes first.

Sedivec testified that she worked on approximately 15 to 20 movies with Ms. Holmes between 1981 through 1983. Sedivec testified that most of these films were done in California. Sedivec testified that there were several times during filming of movies that Laurie Holmes would come back to a shoot or a hotel where the actresses were saying and brag about how easy it was for her to make money with her little specialty (i.e., portraying a very young person). The last she recalls Laurie Holmes turning tricks during the breaks of at least five movies. However, Sedivec does not recall any titles other than "California Girl" and something like "The Insides of Misty Dawn." Sedivec would say that Laurie would brag and say "look how easy it is for this, you can make $500 for this - for an hour." "It's so stupid. These men are so stupid and it's so easy." Sedivec recalls at least twice that Laurie Holmes showed her money that she had made. She recalls most of these times during the time that Sedivec lived at Bill Amerson's house.

Sedivec repeated that Laurie Holmes, while living at Amerson's house, would tell her how it easy it was to make the money for putting on the dress and doing what she did. Sedivec also stated that Laurie Holmes was addicted to drugs, in particular, cocaine. Sedivec said everyone in the industry at that time had access to cocaine. The producers would often say "do a line, it will make you perform better." John Holmes was very addicted to cocaine and always had some in his dressing rooms. Accordingly, Sedivec assumed that Laurie Holmes was in there using the drugs as well. Sedivec did observe Laurie Holmes taking cocaine on at least two occasions.

Sedivec admits to having taken cocaine during the time she was making movies, between 1979 through 1983. The last time she consumed cocaine was approximately 16 years ago. Sedivec also worked for VCA Labs and Bill Amerson. She worked for VCA Labs approximately 20 to 25 times and Bill Amerson approximately 10 to 12 times. Sedivec at one time also lived with Cass Paley. The only specific instance Sedivec can point to is the one day a gentlemen (50-60 years old with salt and pepper hair in a professional suit) dropped Holmes off at Amerson's home and then called her back to slip her a hundred dollar bill. Thereafter, Holmes brag about how easy it was.

3. Dennis Hof

Dennis Hof ("Hof") is 6'2", 270 lbs. Hof graduated from Arizona State with a degree in Business Administration. He built and sold a successful service station enterprise before entering the resort timeshare industry. Thereafter, he purchased the Bunny Ranch in 1993 and paid a $1 million license fee. He hires famous adult video stars to work at his venues as well as regular prostitutes. All of the girls that work at the Bunny Ranch (and his other brothel, "Ms. Kitty's Cat House") are independent contractors and set their own prices. At his deposition, Hof produced a number of documents relating to Laurie Holmes including a name tag, a Lyon County brothel work permit, a reverse side health care issued by Eastern Sierra Medical Group, a flyer for the Moonlight Bunny Ranch advertising that Laurie Holmes would be working the ranch that week, her hiring packet, her rental agreement and 1099s. (I have enclosed these documents.) The Moonlight Bunny Ranch has a web site as lists the past XXX stars who have appeared at the Bunny Ranch. Hof testified that the list represents XXX stars who have been to the ranch for prostitution. Laurie Holmes is a name identified on the list. Mr. Hof will make an above-average witness on his own behalf. He can clearly establish that Laurie Holmes has a prostitute's license and worked at his ranch.

Legal Analysis

There is a complete defense against civil liability based on the truth of the manner asserted. Based on the information obtained to date, it is clear that Laurie Holmes has been a prostitute at some point in her life. But the plaintiff will argue that this fact is irrelevant as the comments/slanders were made as to a particular point in time. This point in time, as alleged in the complaint, is the time within which plaintiff and John Holmes were residing at Bill Amerson's house. This was approximately 1980 through 1984. The statements made on the Johnny Wadd film were, in fact, references to that period of time.

Stating that someone engaged in prostitution does appear to be defamatory on its face. Thus, damages, to the plaintiff's reputation is presumed. However, as mentioned above, truth is a complete defense. Furthermore, case law in the federal court seems to bear out the conclusion that a slander action against a news media defendant, i.e., Luke F-rd, by a public figure (i.e., Laurie Holmes) on a matter of public concern, switches the burden of proof to the plaintiff, to prove the statement's falsity. Much of the discovery propounded to date focuses on establishing plaintiff's status as a public figure and the newsworthiness of the published comments. Ultimately, this case should be ripe for a motion for summary judgment to, at a minimum, to force the plaintiff to put on evidence of the falsity of the statements. It is doubtful the plaintiff can do this.

Luke: The legal expenses for defending Luke F-rd have run about $25,000. VCA owner Russ Hampshire has spent about $100,000 defending VCA and its employees.

Director Cass Paley has spent much of his last nine months rounding up witnesses to support the allegations of the documentary Wadd.

Now that Holmes is dropping her suit, it will clear the way for VCA to sell the John Holmes documentary. Film festivals and distributors have been loathe to touch the film over the past nine months because of the Holmes lawsuit.

Amused writes: Like many of your readers I was shocked to read in his deposition that a hunky stud like Al Goldstien would pay to perform oral sex on a common prostitute?!? I guess I shouldn't have been surprised as he was reviewed by a brothel worker on his superior cunnilingus technique way back in 1997. Tessa rated Al's oral skills a 9.2! and paid him the highest compliment a John could ever receive, "He eats pussy like a bitch." Al, I salute you! Click here: A Report on "Al Goldstien" of The Moonlight Bunny Ranch. (Thursday, October 16, 1997; GPI#0123)

Mr Marcus Celebrity Endorsements

On 8/20/100 11:01 Curious wrote: Mr. Marcus: Many celebrities choose to do commercial endorsements. If you were offered a chance to do a commercial what kind of products would you endorse? ps I guess Afro-Sheen is out of the question <

On 8/20/100 16:50 Mr.Marcus wrote: Afro-sheen actually can be used as a subsitute lube. If your really curious, Curious try it out on your loved one. Sure he..she wont mind. p.s. I endorsed barbecue grills. I like barbecue.

On: 8/20/100 17:13 Curious wrote: It sounds crazy, but hey, I'll try it. Thanks, Mr. M. !

On: 8/20/100 22:01 Curious wrote: You were right as usual Mr. M. I cornholed my wife last night and used a little Afro-Sheen on my pecker. It was smooth and easy! Also my pubic hair is much more shiney and manageable. Thanks again.

On: 8/20/100 22:59 Mr.Marcus wrote: And for those really special moments like anal, try new Ultra-Sheen. You'll be supa-fly.

Rock n' roll music, the Devil's tool?

For those readers who seek deep spiritual truths in an easy to read comic book format l-keford.com presents Jack Chick Comics. Read and be saved. Today's subject: Rock n' roll music, the Devil's tool? J.D. Constantine your analysis is requested. Click here: X-E - CHICK COMICS THEATER: Rock Music...Inside Satan's Boombox

Luke Gets Mail

Brandy Alexandre writes: In addition to the public service announcement about the bad check writers, let me chime that California law on bad checks is fairly strict. The recipients of bad checks should write a formal demand for the money and sue in small claims court. There is no such thing as "oh well" when it comes to passing bad checks. One does not get away with it. The Dept. of Consumer Affairs has a page with the necessary info at http://consumer-affairs.co.la.ca.us/smallclaims/badcheck.htm. The unfortunate thing is that regardless of the heinous reputation of John Bowen, et al, amongst their peers, "The Boys" will probably band together and freeze out any female who is ungrateful enough for the free publicity to sue for what is legitimately due her.

SexAddict writes: The greatest evils in this century have focused on the Jews - Nazism, communism, Idi Amin (the Ugandan dictator cannibal butcherer) and the present Arab-Islamic world.

Whoa, hold on pardner- the Arab-Islamic world as being on the same plane as commies, nazis and Idi Amin? Hmmm, might the arab vitriol have something to do with the takeover of Palestine? In the other cases Jews were victims, but with the Arabs there was some serious victimizing going on.

Right now I am more worried about the evil of China then the Arabs, although I certainly think Islamic radicals are more likely to instigate a nuclear-biological attack, and it's more likely to happen to India or Russia than Israel.

Is there any accuracy whatsoever in Dr. Pierce's allegations re: the Talmud?

Finally, does Dr. Pierce get you excited in a turned-on-by-the-aggressor sort of way?

Luke: The Talmud contains some horrendous stuff, so yes, there is some accuracy to Dr. Pierce's points. And yes, Dr. Pierce does energize me in ways I do not fully understand. I guess I have a weakness for the outrageous.

Earl: Well, we understand you Luke. What you sense within is power of racial memory brought back from the dead. History is inside you Luke, struggling to break free.

Rumdar: Jews always wonder why blacks don't really like them....I was curious myself. So I asked a black guy. He told me it goes back to the old days when Jews were the merchants in the ghettos across America. Like the Asians are now (who are equally disliked). If a black wanted to purchase something, he had to go to a Jew. An Afro American family would purchase that purple velour couch and armchair set for 48 easy payments. Naturally they would miss a payment or two and wind up with no where to sit. Their seats would be repossessed from under their asses as it were. Or they would be tardy with a few payments, finally get the damn thing paid off and discover a clause in the contract which would still not allow them to own it. Jews would rather remember themselves as Freedom Riders not unscrupulous merchants.

Chaim: Black people hate jews because jews killed christ.

PS to Luke - the next time XXX disses you, you just shoot back that at least YOUR ancestors did not scream for the neck of Jesus.

PPS RUMDAR is right about asians - whereas lots of stupid liberal jews genuinely want to be liked by African Americans and many others more pretend to care, most Asians I know are openly, nakedly racist towards black folks and really could not care less what they think. Just so long as they do not burn them out.

Which hot clean porn starlet are you going to pimp to me on my next trip out there? Remember, the days of awe are fast approaching, and this sin is still on your soul.

If you could get me a night of sex with Heather Graham, I would really appreciate it. And hey, Liz Hurley would be pretty nice, too. Get me both together, and I will convert to whichever religious tradition gets the credit.

JGuar writes: Did anyone else see that interview on the Playboy channel with Juli Ashton, interviewing Frank Towers? He tries to explain how he isnt gay, even though its just good sex btwn men, and how he is being "blacklisted" by the main stream industry.

Mr Ford - Struggle With The News

Jechu Prospect writes from North Korea: Dear Mr. Luke F-rd! Learn more about us so that your stay here is even more joyous!

Korean people's struggle for national reunification supported

Pyongyang, August 20 (KCNA) -- Martin Lotscher, chairman of the Swiss Committee for Supporting Korea's Reunification, on a visit to the DPRK, was interviewed here by KCNA on Aug. 17.

Referring to his impressions of Korea, he said that what impressed him most in Korea was the reunion of separated families and relatives in the north and the south amid the deep interests and attention of all Koreans.

It is an epochal event that the visiting groups of separated families and relatives were exchanged in the north and the south at the same time as specified in an article of the north-south joint declaration, he said, and went on: The reunion was possible because the Korean people have the great leader.

The great leader Kim Jong Il put forward the idea that love for and trust in the people is the core of the benevolent politics and has always pursued genuine politics for people.

The future of the Korean people who absolutely worship and follow Kim Jong Il is bright and rosy. The mightiest means of the Korean people is single-hearted unity. The Korean people are now upholding his leadership, firmly united around him.

The Swiss Committee for Supporting Korea's Reunification extends full support and firm solidarity to the Korean people in their dauntless struggle for socialist construction and national reunification even under the persistent threats of the imperialists.

Dear Mr. Luke F-rd!

Are there any medications that you require for your stay? Fear not, for Jechu medicine is second to none! Also, please explain for us any particular dietary needs that you may have.

Regarding your relocation, would you prefer to enter Pyongyang from China or from Japan? We can also transport you ourselves the entire distance from Los Angeles, but this would not be as comfortable.

Luke: Will I be able to connect to the internet from N. Korea?

Jechu: Dear Mr. Luke F-rd! You will be able to do the things that you will want to do! Our hearts swell with anticipation at your arrival and the further development of a Jechu school of adult cinema!

Dear Mr. Luke F-rd!

I will try to answer your questions in fraternal honesty. Degenerate western pornography that debases the working class is unknown in Korea for the historically powerful yet simple reason that the people do not want it and would not stand for it.

The People's Republic of North Korea is of pure blood, yet welcomes sympathetic voices from all creeds and races. With respect to your final question, we look forward to the day when peace prevails in the near east.

Have you made arrangements to travel to China or Japan yet? As I informed you earlier, we can transport you the entire distance ourselves and will soon enough if we do not hear back from you, but you may feel very cramped in the conveyance. Have you any experience with submarine, merchant marine, or other naval - type vessels?

Luke's Sore Arch

Shortly after arriving back from Israel, I went for a jog. The next morning, I woke up with a sore left arch which has not left me. It seems that use of my left foot, particularly pushing off the from the floor, exacerbates my sore left arch. So how do I get over this?

Finback: Accept De Feet. Use your right foot when you get up!

Lynne writes: My poor darling.... It will take about six weeks to heal your out of shape foot.

Bruce did this to his feet when I first got him on an exercise program -- he was so tall that he sprained his arches stretching on his tippy toes for the first time ever in his life. Having 200 plus pounds to support on those tiny little arch muscles will do that to you. Not that you are quite that heavy, but you probably ran on the concrete. Bad for you, dear.

There are a couple of exercises you can do on a regular basis once the sprain heals, which will help your feet stay in shape for future punishment including wearing high heels. The first is basic flex and point, flex and point, two sets, sixteen reps. The second, which you should be very good at, I call "twinkletoes." Just wiggle your toes for a count of sixteen, and repeat.

Meanwhile, swimming might be in order if you can get to a pool. Good aerobic exercise without weight bearing. Then start off walking before you run...and don't run on the concrete. Beverly Hills High has a track, I would think, littered with the sweaty, half naked bodies of rich Jewish teenage girls as incentive for you to get back in shape.

I have the body of a twenty-year-old, dear, and I am sure she misses it terribly. So if you won't listen to me about your emotional health, at least listen to me about your physical health.

Lynne L-patin: Luke looks so adorable in his goofy shriner hat... I am telling Goddess how much better you are doing than you were a year ago, but NOT mentioning that strange prayer episode...that I am not thrilled about...hope I didn't instigate some deep need there
Lynne L-patin: you were sure scared about something deep inside...god still loves you, without the hair shirt, St. Anthony
Luzdedos1: thanks, it feels great to be back at shul davvening
Lynne L-patin: we have gotten to the prayer pictures...I don't mind the prayer...I mind the fervor...no peace in your face
Lynne L-patin: I have seen devout prayer...I did not see that...more like autoasphyxiation... more like...sublimation of something trying to break loose....I don't have the words right yet...the metaphor right yet...
Luzdedos1: i was not praying in the pics, they were just pics, i pray at shul, where i would never take pics
Lynne L-patin: self torture in the name of god seems like a perversion of god's blessing...then what were those pics, dear? With the sweat and the wild eyes? A joke on us moronic readers? And do you not pray whenever the time is right, rather than just at shul?
Lynne L-patin: We are fortunate as Jews to have a god who is with us always, at our sides, in the wilderness. God never abandons you. It is not Catholicism...our god does not need a holy house of worship to validate our prayer
Lynne L-patin: but those pictures were not of prayer, they were of some strange self torture (not the arms, the face)

ELASTIN2: id like to arrange a private
Classyspankme [Heather Barron]: then call
Classyspankme: no cyber
ELASTIN2: i want to do u from behind