Tuesday, July 18th, 2000

Cheyenne Silver Update

Gregory Bowman writes: Luke: I had the wonderful opportunity to speak with Cheyenne Silver after the most amusing postings on your website some days ago.

After reviewing the posts, I can inform you that, yes, I was with her in Jamaica as her boyfriend and she was a princess. She not only won the wet tee shirt contest but had the most amusing froggies painted on her breasts for the pajama party held at Hedonism III. It was a raucous time had by all.

The responses from Hank and Lucky Smith were accurate and to the point. Cheyenne Silver is a wonderful woman and has the integrity and responsible nature that most only aspire to achieve in the adult business. Additionally; Lucky Smith has always been a complete gentleman and was gracious enough to let us stay in his room. He does, however, inform me that I do snore and so does Cheyenne-in harmony, no less.

As to the post from your reader "Shaggy": Rather than speculate as to whom this person is, I will just comment on the fact that he is ill informed or had an private agenda in sending you that letter; also sent to my address.

Although Cheyenne had been well known to be involved with a individual in the business; that relationship was troubled and I was there many a time to listen to her anguish over the situation. I wont mention any names..... RB!(oops) Theres not enough therapy availble for this one.

I am, however, assuming the comments about the "friend who claims to be her boyfriend but he's nothing more than some chump who begs for money at the local malls and freeway offramps." I can assure you i don't beg at freeway offramps; im getting to old for that and i only beg at the finest malls; I have some dignity for being a beggar and a "chump".

Additionally; I'm fully vaccinated and have regular checkups by my local Veterinarian. In fact i was just given a fleabath and wormed(I wonder if AIM is doing this yet?) It would be a gracious offer to be invited on Howard Sterns show and i would even wear clean underwear.

Luke, just to show you what a wonderful and enlightened woman Cheyenne is; i just now found a poem she sent me and would like to share it with you

Thinking of You

I have felt a distance growing between us,
Yet my lonliness has begun to fade.
My vision of freedom has broadened.
My strength to be free has grown.
I've learned the meaning of being alone.
I no longer go nuts when we are apart.
More sane is my mind,
Yet more confused is my heart.

I can feel an intense love inside me as it burns.
I only know to express the intensity that I feel
And I long to feel it in return.
I don't know how to ask what you feel for me.
I long to recall that connection if ever it was here.
I need inspiration to see.
I want to abandon my fear.

Can you answer the questions burning inside my mind?
What do I do that distances you from me?
Where does your heart stand next to mine?
Whom to you do you want me to be?

Like everyday that I miss you I long for a way to reach out and touch you..
To warm your heart with a gentle word,
And to know that my cries are also heard.
I want to cause your lips to break a smile,
To be more to you than you thought I could be,
To know all the while That you are with me.
If only to give you love at it's best-
That I know could ease my heart's lonliness.
What is it that your heart needs? Ask it of me.

Lost and Looking for Love Sent Via E mail on April 2, 2000

As an ending to this letter; I would like to inform you that Cheyenne Silver and I are no longer a couple. She has gone on to better things and i respect her for that. I would never want to keep her from her asperations and wish her many years of fame and stardom. I can say that the times spent with her were memorable and i have the utmost respect and love for her; she and i were good friends and i hope that friendship will continue.

Rob Black Readies To Rumble

From GeneRoss.com: Rob Black, head of both Extreme Associates and XPW wrestling, brands as bulls--- any stories on the Internet suggesting that his guys put a hand to ECW's Francine during the ECW pay-per-view at the Olympic Auditorium this past Sunday. [I was there and can confirm that Francine never had a hand put on her.]

Also, when asked about a Luke F-rd posting stating a source claiming to have witnessed the show, that XPW guys were rowdy and wreaked of alcohol, Black said, "It was Jasmin [St. Claire] writing that. Paul Heyman [ECW head] put her up to it." Black also said the story as reported about his guys being beat up by ECW outside the auditorium wasn't totally accurate. He fills in the details. What started the ruckus in the first place was Kristi Myst attempting to take her top off during the main event featuring Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer.

Nena Cherry Body Builder

Nena Cherry writes: In April went from 132 lbs 24% body fat, not wroking out not dieting.

Middle of April lost a lot weight, got down to 117 lbs and 18% body fat. Now, Im 14 % body fat, and weigh 137 lbs. Diet consist of high protein low carbs, very low carbs. Taking anabolic steroids. 200 mg of Deca Durabolin a week, 8 to 12 mg of Winstrol a day, 25 mg but ramping up to 100 mg over 4 weeks of Cytomel, also taking super nutrients, high anti oxidants, etc, etc.

Goals : Body Building competitons in less than a year. Meanwhile swim suit competions , and working out 5 to 6 days a week.

Strength: Bench 135. Leg press over 450 eaily, but having to be careful with joints. All weights initially have increased up to 30+%. Strenth feats are amazing. I out lift several guys at the gym. More pictures to come. Who knows Luke if your good, maybe I will even send you a video tape of the iron rage!

AVN Expo Fallout

Scott Kinney of Diversified Video Associates writes on RAME: At the AVN Adult Expo, Nova and I negotiated some 6 or 7 Multi-Media Verlag titles to release in the US (it was luck that the rep was in Las Vegas, and he wanted to look us up.) We also had our very first serious discussion with a US producer about releasing their Euro-versions in the US (I don't want to jinx it by saying who just yet, but it'll be extremely cool if it works out.)

The expo itself was a little surreal as the Venetian was also hosting a national dance recital/audition in the ballrooms adjacent to the expo floor. This means that to get to the adult expo you had to walk by a small army of Jon Benet-Ramsey wanna-be's. And, as a writer for the show's daily paper pointed out, the tap-dancers and the porn stars seemed to share the same costume designer. (I was ready to disagree with this when I read it, except I looked up and saw a half-dozen 12 year-olds in red vinyl halter-backed jumpsuits.)

There was a very interesting panel discussion on anticipated legal challenges to the porn industry no matter who wins the November election. If you read the "Is Porn Getting Too Rough?" article in April's AVN, you've got half the story. If not, here's the short version: A group of producers and distributors are currently pointing their fingers at the producers of videos with fisting, wet scenes, choking, spitting, etc. and saying that they're going to draw obscenity prosecutions on the whole industry because of their extreme material. Their suggestion is to suggest, cajole, push and prod store owners not to carry 'extreme' tapes.

There were three points of view on the panel (4 if you count Mark Kernes, the moderator.) Frank Koretsky represented the group described above, I represented Nova as an importer of fisting videos, and Max Hardcore, as a producer of some notoriety.

Frank felt that since we haven't had any large obscenity prosecutions in a number of years, if everyone just stuck with product that's been safe for the last few years, then maybe no one would be prosecuted. If the industry insisted on 'pushing the envelope' with fisting or wet videos, then one of the those tapes would almost certainly draw prosecutorial lightning and hurt everybody.

Max felt he should make the videos he wants to make, moderate them a little if need be, and disclaimer the hell out of them so no one confuses them with documentary footage. I thought that any adult tape was fair game for rabid Republicans or even Meese Commission holdovers and that producers, distributors and store owners needed to get their legal ducks in a row and just be ready for a prosecution.

I wasn't so much worried about fisting tapes per se being a problem. Given, say, a Babette Blue tape, the point would come down to the discussion of fisting as a sexual practice, since there's no force/humiliation/degradation evident. The one rhetorical hand grenade I threw was the speculation that any obscenity prosecution would probably not involve a fisting tape, that instead, it would involve a pseudo-teen tape.

After all, there's no Federal law about fisting, but USC 2257 8(d) is on the books (9th Circuit or no). Also, 'protecting the children' is a familiar prosecutorial cry (remember CDA and COPA?) Plus the religous right can make better sound bites out of 'child porn' than they can out of 'fist-f---ing'.

Let's see, no rice cakes this time, but I compromised with some home-made Rice Krispie squares. I got some really neat pictures, and will put them up sooner or later.

Where Was The Porn?

Mike South of MikeSouth.com writes:

The AVN Expo 2000, that’s Adult Video News for those of you not in the know about such things. AVN kind of controls the porn industry but even the most hardened reviewers at AVN were disgusted by what they saw at the Venetian hotel, where the AVN Expo was held. Now these aren’t guys who are squeamish, they have witnessed numerous acts of perversity, misogyny and outrage. One senior reviewer told me that that he had seen a lot of disgusting things in his many years as a reviewer but this took the cake. An owner of a company that proudly proclaims it’s videos to be totally tasteless said it simply made him sick. A female performer known for doing anal gang bangs and “ass paintings” where she squirts paint into her rectum and blows it out onto a canvas, said that she would be compelled to kill anyone who did that to her little girl. I was speechless, I had heard that such things existed but I had never actually witnessed one.

I have now, and it sickened me.

They were next to our exhibit hall, one could not get into the “porn” show without first passing through this spectacle of pure abuse.

There were dancers lining the halls waiting to get in and perform for the voyeuristic audience, each waiting for her turn in the spotlight. Each one wore heavy makeup, mascara, eyeliner, red lipsitck and false eyelashes. Most wore body glitter. Each one also wore a costume, most of which were skin tight and left nothing to the imagination, nothing except what must her parents be thinking. These costumes, by the way would not have been considered even remotely tasteful if worn by the porn girls at the “porn” show.

These dancers were a part of a dance/beauty contest being held concurrently with the AVN Expo, I am quite sure that this was a coincidence but the irony was striking.

Each dancer took the stage to perform for what people in the adult entertainment industry consider to be the lowest of the low. So low in fact that AVN and The Free Speech Coalition offer a 10,000 dollar reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of anyone committing these atrocities to videotape or film.

Pedophiles, the fact that many of these pedophiles were the parents of these performers makes it a moot point, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I say it is a duck. If you haven’t figured it out by now these dancers ranged in age from 5 to 12 years with the vast majority being in the 6 to 8 year old group.

Internet sites have sprung up all over the world offering pictures of little children doing seemingly innocent things like bending over to pick up a dollar bill that was intentionally dropped so that the droppers accomplice can snap a picture or a video of the little girl in the dress bending over to pick up the money, they hang out at playgrounds cameras ready near the “monkey bars”. The government would love to shut these sites down, and rightfully so, but the people who use these sites are no different than the people at this competition.

I make adult videos, I employ adults, consenting adults, I do it for an audience that is exclusively adult.

Who is sicko here? That’s the way I see it.

Amused writes: Mike South's description of the tint tots beauty pageant sounded like Max Hardcore's fantasy camp. I could just see old Max passing out his business card saying, "Come see me in 2012 and we'll talk business." Oh, and for the record, I too think those beauty pageants are reprehensible.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Porn Journalist

Concerned writes: I'm confused. You write that the women of Israel are far more attractive than the women of Greece. This seems to fly in the face of conventional beliefs concerning the superiority of Hellenistic beauty. Does the typical Greek babe look more like photo#1 or photo#2? Clarify please!

AT&T Asked To Reconsider Porno Deal

GOSHEN, Ind., July 18 /PRNewswire/ -- Twenty-seven religious and socially concerned institutional investors controlling over 2.8 million shares of AT&T stock are calling upon AT&T to reconsider its recent decision to partner with The Hot Network, which distributes sexually pornographic material for broadcast on cable television systems.

The diverse coalition led by Mennonite Mutual Aid, home of the MMA Praxis Mutual Funds, this week sent a letter to AT&T that calls upon the telecommunications giant to return to its traditions of responsible corporate behavior. The group's letter states: "We're disturbed about the management issues this action raises. In particular, reports in the media, quoting AT&T officials, that present the alliance with the Hot Network as a strategic business decision designed to beef up flagging cable business and 'remain competitive in the market' raise some serious issues. What management missteps are behind a situation where AT&T must turn to strategies appealing to the basest elements of our culture - violating a corporate tradition of positive social behavior?"

Vivid Video and Porn Star Clothing Create Vivid Gear

VAN NUYS, Calif., July 18 /PRNewswire/ -- Adult entertainment giant Vivid Video, and cutting edge apparel designers Porn Star, have teamed up to create Vivid Gear, a hip, new line of clothing targeted at a burgeoning alternative young market.

Vivid Gear will include T-shirts, hats and other street wear that will feature the mega-popular adult stars, the Vivid Girls. The specially designed clothing will carry logos and the likeness of film stars including Janine, Raylene, Cassidey, and other famous contract Vivid Girls.

"By aligning ourselves with a forward thinking apparel company, Vivid is positioned as the first player in the adult industry to be able to benefit from this exposure through clothing. This exemplifies how Vivid once again is bridging the mainstream gap by appealing to a demographic audience that consistently purchases adult products as well as trend-setting clothing," said David Schlesinger, Vivid's Vice President, Internet Marketing.

Vivid's creative input is assisting Porn Star in producing the clothing while Porn Star will handle the entire order fulfillment. Vivid Gear can be purchased on the internet at www.vividgear. com. The clothing is also being sold in boutique stores across the country.

Vivid, a leader in adult entertainment since its formation in 1984, is well known for its "Vivid Girl" concept under which top adult film stars are signed to exclusive agreements that are styled on the old Hollywood contract star system. Vivid places heavy emphasis on high-quality erotic film entertainment for the couples market and innovative technological advances such as full-function DVD. The company has developed powerful partnership with companies such as Playboy and a number of leading European and Asian television broadcasters. It operates The Hot Network and The Hot Zone, pay-per-view channels that are available in more than 25 million homes in North America.

Extreme Wrestling

Strawdaddy@aol.com (Raylene, please email this man!) writes: wassup luke. just wanted to give you a quick followup on the whole xpw incident at the extreme championship wrestling pay per view. we were sitting a couple rows behind all the XPW guys, just shooting the s--- with em. ive met all the guys at shows in ventura before. pretty much every one of them wreaked of alcohol, and they kept coming up to us telling us to start chanting XPW when the main event started. the only reason there was any chaos, despite what all these bulls--- wrestling sites say, is because the XPW guys were being assholes, showing no respect to the ECW guys who put on a hell of a show, and at the start of the main event when the cameras came around to the side of the building we were on, the XPW guys stood up. and were showing off their XPW shirts, obviously trying to get a cheap plug. thats when ECW security stepped in. the XPW guys started getting rowdy, so the entire locker room emptied and the XPW guys were sent packing outside. one of the XPW guys, "supreme" got pushed, and FOLDED krysti myst on accident. i guess she was ok though. thats when a HUGE brawl broke out between some of the workers from both company's as well as some fans. it was the s---. cops didnt arrive til everything was pretty much broken up. basically it was a bunch of drunk guys with alot of testosterone having a good time. Luke you should encourage readers to go to wrestling shows and hold up l-keford.COM signs. you should also encourage Raylene to have wild monkey sex with me. that would be fantastic. thanks luke, and have fun on your jew-journey. PEACE!

Mr. Marcus Chat on Sunday / Curious on the Casting Couch

Curious writes: Sunday night I went to the Mr. Marcus chat room and rapped with Mr. M himself. He was really very gracious to everyone and even answered some of my asinine questions. Here is a summary of some of his responses drawn from my weak memory.

Curious: What about urinating on women? MrM: It's a crazy fetish.

Curious: Opinions on Kid Vegas? MrM: Doesn't know him. Doesn't like him.

Curious: What does a DP feel like? MrM: Does not recommend them. Feels they're overdone.

Curious: Do you use steroids? MrM: No response.

Curious: Do you use Viagra? MrM: No response.

Curious Do you have hemorrhoids? MrM: lol

Curious: Are you Jewish? MrM: No response (I think that's a yes)

Curious: Who do you respect most in porn? MrM: Anabolic for doing something different.

Curious: How did your Mom feel about you f---ing 100 women in "World's Luckiest Black Man"? MrM: My Mom always supports me. Curious: Your Mom is cool!

Curious: Do you miss McDonalds McRib sandwiches? MrM: No response.

Curious: Opinions on bukkake? MrM: Hates them.

Curious: Celebrity he would most like to f---? MrM: Nia Long or Carmen Electra.

Curious: Is midget porn a fad or here to stay? MrM: I would not f--- a midget.

Curious: How about a white midget? MrM: lol

Curious: How about a Jewish midget? MrM: signs off

At this point I would honestly have to say that Mr. Marcus has replaced Gene Ross as my ultimate porn hero. Mr. Marcus is da man!

Jack writes: hey luke,what's the deal between you and mr marcus?.Does samantha strong have a chocolate (black)boyfriend?

Luke: Mr Marcus and I are soul brothers because of our common commitment to ethical monotheism.

I surfed over to MrMarcus.com and found these highlights:

DL writes: What did you do this guy [l-keford.com] Mr Marcus? He copied your message board and placed it on his site 16 July 2000. You are the top story. It looks really bad. He is obviously trying to ruin you bruh.

Aghast: An Orthodox Jew's Dilemma. Dear Mr. Marcus, I am an Orthodox Jew like yourself and would like your advice. My wife wishes to have sex during the week after her period. As you know this is forbidden in Jewish Orthodox culture. Do you strictly adhere to this tenant? Also would purchasing my wife a vibrator to use during the "forbidden week" be allowable? Thanking you in advance.

Hammite posts: Their has been a couple of posts about Jews and I remember a few post similar to it before the board clearing. It is obvious that some l-keford.com readers have started to visit. I must say that Jews and Blacks have a lot in common. Both Jews and Blacks have been jacked over throughout history. The Egyptian Pharohs to the Germans to the Americans especially in the South. The US Govt could have shut down the klan long before the freedom riders were killed. So I hope the person posting the Jewish posts will find a new place to post (a place where people who actually dislike jews congregate) and if it is not a Jewish person but rather a sicko I apologize to the Jewish community in advance. Let their be peace between two of the more jacked over races.

Mr Bojangles: To hell wit all these porn ho's--let's see some brothas do Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow, Neve Campbell, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Denise Richards, and all the rest of those famous white ho's!

Black Ceasar writes: white starletts like jenna jameson,serenity,and others will not star in movies with black guys thats true but that doesn't mean do not like men of color.for instance if denzel washington,micheal jordan wanted to make a movie with one of these starletts they would do anything to be in a movie with one these guys.jenna jameson would deep throat micheal in a minute.no question including crystal knight.

Curious: Yo! The Sunday chat with Mr. Marcus was very cool. Mr. Marcus was very open and honest with the fans. Let's do it again! Peace Out!

The Summit Of All Our Fears

Chaim Amalek writes: Luke, call me a paranoid dirty jew, but I am beginning to have some suspicions concerning your new woman PJG. There is something about all this that seems just a bit too cute, too contrived to be as it seems. Hear me out.

Remember the juvenile attempts of that Mossad agent to flush me out at the beginning of the year? He said he wanted to interview me since “there were so many jews with my name in Israel.” Of course, I not only did not fall for that ruse, I felt insulted that his controllers had so low an opinion of me that they would attempt so simple-minded an operation. Months go by, and you meet, first “by accident,” a jewish woman of Zionist inclinations who suddenly expresses interest in you. There are no accidents in life Luke. Could it be that this known Zionist is using you to get to me? Think about it. She is a jewess with stellar academic credentials, a former cheerleader, peppy, pretty, young (I assume) - just what every full figured mature New York Jew wants. Certainly were she Mossad, should could not be directly inserted into my life, for that would be far too obvious for me not to spot. So instead, in the best traditions of the craft, they insinuate her into by life by first placing her into yours.

If she is Mossad, then expect the following to happen. When she learns of your web activities, she at first expresses some degree of disgust and shock, but quickly overcomes it. Then she seems to take a sudden keen interest in your web site and all that it contains, including the coded messages of one Chaim Amalek. She tells you that rather than being a porner, it appears that you have created a caring community of Jewish intellectuals not seen since the glory days of the alcoves of City University of New York in the 1930's (oy, how I remember those days!), and expresses a desire to be part of that community by corresponding with its members, including one Chaim Amalek. One thing leads to another. She attempts to meet me face to face but I, being a very shy man, decline the invitation, jokingly telling her that if she wants to meet me, it can only be at your wedding. Well, shortly thereafter you two decide to marry in the faith of my ancestors, and invite me to give the benediction. I agree, and attend. But then on my way back home, I have some sort of an unfortunate “accident” or I disappear. Your Challa too, vanishes, returning back to the Zionist Settler State, her mission at long last accomplished, with one less Amalek in the world...

Be careful there Luke, be very careful.

Such is the Corruptive Power of Zionism

Chaim writes: Luke F-rd writes: "I have not been to synagogue once in my two weeks in the Holy Land. I've been less religious and less observant over the past two weeks than I've been for years."

Every Satmar Chassid worth his salt will note that this is still further proof of the anti-jewish power and effect of zionism. In their eyes, Zionism is Satan's whore, leading jewish people to their spiritual doom, and your comments do not contradict that. Don't you think you would be a more spiritually inclined and committed jew if at long last Arab armies swept the levant clean of zionists from the Jordan river to the shores of the Mediterranean?

"When I meet wonderful people like PJG I fear that they will discover who I truly am and they will then shun me."

Listen up, bunky - you have two advantages over PJG, one physical, the other psychological. The physical is that you have what she needs to be fulfilled as a woman: a dick, shvantz, petzel, whatever you call it, it's what she needs. Let the dykes and spinsters look to their dildos; she wants a penis (and is young enough to get one) and you got one with her name written on it. The psychological advantage that you have over her is that she REALLY wants to marry a jewish guy who takes his religion seriously and who wants to marry a jewess too - why else would she be on a jewish singles mission to Zion with 600 American Jews?

(To be honest, I would rather travel to Pyongyang to listen to epic poems extolling the life of Kim Il Sung, the Great Leader of North Korea and the Father of Juche thought, than travel with such a group of people. Must be my genetic inclination towards exogamy.)

And she is REALLY LOOKING to get married - NOW. Not for her Barry Blomens--- in his endless jewish adolescence - she wants a MAN to MARRY her NOW, before spinsterhood sets in. And you could well be that man.

(Is she in marketing, by chance? If she is, then you are in even better shape than if she is into something like financial analysis. As a marketer, she must be aware of the time-sensitive nature of her market power as a woman, and is seeking to trade on it NOW. Hence the trip to Zion in search of the mate she could not find in America.)

"I see few blacks...Greece has one of Europe's lowest crime rates. You can walk around most European cities most anywhere most anytime, with safety, unlike America. Chaim Amalek would say that's because America has a higher percentage of blacks who are more prone to criminal violence."

Luke, it is not manly of you to couch your racist thoughts in what you imagine I would have proffered as the explanation for this odd observation of yours. More important than negritude are white racism, economic hard times, drug abuse, single parent families, homophobia, underfunded schools, patriarchy, euro-hegemonistic thought, colonialism, and the power of hate groups to think hate and spread hate via hateful web sites on the internet. When will you learn to stop looking at the color of a person's skin and instead respect them as members of groups that, after all, are all the same under the skin? You clearly have not been watching enough American television of late; you are morally adrift.

"Also, I converted to Judaism to recapture the sense of family and community I had as a child. But I've managed to find much of the community and camraderie that I seek through this website. You, the reader, are my family."

Then why bother with being a jew? Other religions do a better job of providing a sense of belonging, especially to men who live as you do (I understand that you do not even drive a Lexus!) I say once you nail and marry this Peppy Hebrew Honey of yours and spend the winter solstice with this Channukah bush, you bag the whole jewish thing. Live life as an ethical gentile who follows the easy seven Noahide laws instead of all that oral law crap, follow whatever of judaism you like and ignore the rest, and life will be easier and better for you. Just try not to think about the enslaved Christian girls you left to their doom in Israel while romancing your zionist beshert. Amalek Kal Emet [Amelek Voice of Truth]

Money and Jews and Racism and Hope

Chaim Amalek wrote this and I filled in the blanks:

Please fill in the blanks: There are _1mill___ jews in LA, and they make up _10___% of the total population of Los Angeles.

The average los angeles jew is wealthier than ___80%________ percent of Los Angeles gentiles.

__40___% of the wealth in the hands of people in Los Angeles is in Jewish hands.

___75___% of LA jews are liberal democrats.

__75__/___25__% of the political contributions made to democrats/republicans comes from jews.

In the opinion of Luke F-rd, the average Los Angeles Jew is smarter than __75__% of LA gentiles.

In the opinion of Luke F-rd, the average Los Angeles Jew is smarter than __75__% of LA's African Americans.

In the opinion of Luke F-rd, the average LA jew is/is not a racist.

Luke: Is not.

Amalek, who works near the carbon-copy building in the heart of the dental-damn district.

Give Luke A Break

Rumdar writes: Luke..... I am personally fed up with Chaim and Marc implying that it is your website which is contributing to your dismal success record with peppy/preppy cheerleader Yiddishaettes. Get real fellas. Luke's scoreboard problems are economic and have nothing to do with the site. He was doing quite well on the beach at 2 a.m. listening to the dolphins surf and the tide come in (shoulda made a move then buddy, you probably won't get another chance). Now what? He returns to LA and asks for a date. Luke shows up in a van that Ted Bundy wouldn't drive and takes her highness to all you can eat Chinese (broker than usual from the vacation).....Result....OO. Now if he were making heavy bucks from his chosen profession the story might have a more erotic ending. Preppy Harvard graduates may have a dalliance or two with the captain of the football team but they don't get serious with guys who drive vans. I have met some stunning Greek and Turkish women. Unfortunately they rarely put out. I think it has something to do with the culture. My advice. Next vacation check out the Hebrew influences on the countries of Thailand and the Philippines. There probably aren't any but a great time is guaranteed.

Luke, you tipped 10%? Somewhat light buddy. Hardly the kind of gratuity to impress Jewish Royalty :) I hate to spend money and to tip but I've left 10% tips throughout the trip. Somewhat light buddy. Hardly the kind of gratuity to impress Jewish Royalty :)

Luke: Guys, our next vacation, we need to take it together.

Rumdar: This is a splendid idea Luke, May I suggest Thailand. The prices are great, the girls are outrageous and you can get a Buddhist spiritual buzz instead of a Jewish one. It doesn't hurt to mix and match the religious schtick. Cover all bases as it were. You can never tell which of this Mumbo Jumbo is the real thing. We are going again in Jan. Come along. Bring everyone.

Luke Gets Mail

William writes: Luke, You mention in your site that there are no blacks in Greece....Why should there be??? The Greeks didn't import slaves from Africa like the British did in order to build what is now called America. By the way....America is Native American Indian land....in case you forgot.

Ari writes: don't be ashamed of l-keford.com. First of all if the entire site were rated in a movie, it would probably be an "R". Second, it is a unique, interesting business model (although you haven't had any advertising on it in a while). The only thing I would do, is remove references to who you did and would have sex with.

Mike South writes about Meni Troupakis getting slapped for a dollar by Nakita Ka$h: Ya Luke but who supplied the dollar and who turned down the first offer to do it.

Elli writes: Hi, i want to produce a porno movie. can you help me by sending me the rates that acters charge for a boy/girl or a girl/girl shooting ? :) i live in miami but read about you in an israeli newspaper in israel....

Luke: Boys get $200-$450 a scene, and women $300-$800 for typical boy-girl action.

Steve writes to Eli: If you need more information on shooting you can contact me at steve@adultstarsmagazine we're in the same area.

Harri writes: Well hello there Lukey. If this PJG is anything near what you've described smarts and classwise, she sure as hell has found out about your Dirty Little Site (according to your imagination) ages ago, Luke. If you've at any occasion have mentioned you publish on the web and she knows your full name... well go to any search engine, punch in "Luke F-rd" and bang what you get? Right. So there. And she has. But why hasn't she said anything about it?

Something Sweet For PJG

I wrote Chaim Amalek, asking him to compose something sweet for me to send to Pretty Jewish Girl.

Chaim writes: Lisa, I too watched in horror as history unfolded before my eyes the other day at Yad Vashem, and how I too, would have been marked for death had I lived in those times in Europe. I could not help but think of all those jewish people who were so much like you and I whose lives were snuffed out by the force of hatred. And today that hatred is resurgent.

Let's face it, people like us are less and less popular in the world. If we fail, it is because we are losers, and if when we succede, it is because we are exploiters or subversives. Some people would have us all take up arms against it and retreat to our gated communities in fear, but I am not among them. I know that the love that I found within my heart when I met you will defeat any hatred that the world can know.

PS When you get back, shame her into loving you despite your relative penury by taking her to the Museum of Tolerance. Bring with a sledge hammer to knock down the door that is labeled "nonbigot" to get in. Note that no jew was richer than any other jew at the moment his lungs filled with Zyklon-B gas. Maybe even take a trip to the Holocaust Museum of Washington, DC. Discuss your ideas for the Mausechvitz theme park the Disney corporation is rumored to be building outside of Hayden Lake, Idaho. My point is that you can answer the following question, never before posed on the internet: Can high class LA jewesses be guilt-tripped by the Holocaust into jumping into the sack with a non-wealthy jewish man? I SAY YES! Let's make Hitler do the jews a mitzvah from his grave!

Well, the fact that she is at an internet startup is VERY good for you, as it means she is more likely to understand the bootstrap project that you are undertaking. And that is how to present it - not that you are a pervert, but that you saw this opportunity to make a name for yourself in a business as a journalist even as you were subverting it by exposing its connections to the underworld etc.

If you get called on it, admit that you are not perfect, but that you do NOT publish dirty pictures (make sure that you do not, unless clearly as a joke.), and you have broken some big stories, and that you have really learned. toss some of your adulatory press coverage her way. Tell her that your goal is to leverage this exposure into a radio or television show on popular culture and ethics, not a career in porn (?). Or maybe something on the economics of the internet, what with all that crap you post on credit card problems. If she spots all the antisemitic stuff you post, calmly tell her that you post it so that the targets of that hate have a better understanding of what/who is against them, that the world is more than Disney.

Finally, if she starts to view you as less than a man for what you do, gently inform her that to get where you are, you have had to brave serious threats from serious people, and that were it not for the fact that the FBI is looking out for you and that you are now too big to whack, god knows what would have happened to you by now. Hope this works - sounds very good so far, but you may have to dance around a bit to deal with the web issue.

PS Damn lucky break that she does not live in LA! you don't really want her to see your hovel before she gets hooked on you, do you?

PPS You lucky bastard! By the way, how are NJG and LL taking all this? Are they really truly happy for you?

Luke: I'm not sure. Lynne wrote to me: Dear Luke:

I need to take a sabbatical from this relationship. You were a very good friend when I needed you, and I wanted to return the favor, but I've pretty much burned out on porn and your site, and I don't think I have left anything unsaid to you.

If I felt that you might miss my friendship, I would not do this, but I realize that you whether you want to care or not, you CANNOT. This relationship takes far too much time, committment and money from me right now, and I spent some time thinking about it over the weekend, and I really need to direct my energy elsewhere for the time being.

I am sad that I am of so little value to you after all this time, but trust me, I do not take it personally....only being sad that I could not do a better job of reaching you after all this effort.

Ignore the Nattering Nabobs of Negativity

Cecil writes: Dear Luke: I have been following your postings from the orient with great interest. Don't pay any heed to those guys who are telling you that you will fail in your new romance. They are like most guys - losers, who want to see real men fail. Your problem is that you are afflicted with various Thetans who mean to do you ill, a problem that I had back when I was a gay man.

Then I discovered the teachings of Scientology, and ever since I have been as straight as a whistle, Theta-Clear. And that's what you need to do, get rid of all the thetans that are speaking to you in muffled voices of failure, and start thinking like the winner we all were meant to be. The first thing you should do upon return to Los Angeles is get yourself checked into one of the Scientology Clinics for an evaluation. Good Luck!