The fertile imagination of Jeff Mullen
Of course, we all remember the time when porn parodies were the bread and butter of the adult film industry. Classics like Saturday Night Beaver, Add Momma To The Train, and Sperms of Endearment were the mainstay of every local smut peddler. But as with all successful formulas, the porn parody eventually became a victim of its own success, and some time around "Edward Penishands", the whole concept jumped the shark. Porn parodies became a cliche, and solidified the popular perception of porn directors as talentless hacks. Fortunately for all of us, Hustler/X-Play’s Jeff Mullen has no qualms about being labeled a talentless hack, and has resurrected the hopelessly shotout tradition of the porn parody with a brazen disregard for both his reputation, and the vitality of the industry. Yes, after shamelessly plundering the William Asher canon, and assraping the curriculum vitae Sherwood Schwartz, there can be little doubt that Norman Lear, Quinn Martin, and Aaron Spelling wont be far behind. That "Not Charlie’s Angels XXX" and "This Ain’t The Love Boat XXX" loom imminently on the horizon is a foregone conclusion. But what other forgotten treasures of our youth will serve as fodder for the Mullen hit factory?
I’ve come up with a few titles which at first glance might seem like unlikely choices, but mix in a little Mullen magic… and the folks at AVN better start meltin’ down some stripper heels for next January!!
"This Ain’t Barney Miller XXX"
A half dozen world-weary middleaged NYC cops sit around a grey dreary office all day, until Mrs. Fish shows up with pastrami sandwich’s from Adelman’s, and gets the unholy crap gangbanged out of her.
"Not One Day At A Time XXX"
Neurotic uber-feminist single mom, Anne Romano calls Schneider down to unclog her pipes, but ends up unclogging his pipes in a threeway suckoff with daughters Barbara and Julie. Booyah! Best Oral Scene, 2010… guaranteed!
"This Ain’t Laverne & Shirley"
In act one, the two Milwaukee dykes buff each other’s muffins in the middle of a Lenny & Squiggy circlejerk. Later Carmine "The Big Ragoo" Ragusa shows up, does a song and dance on their bottle-capping asses, and leaves them both with a bad case of "Boo Boo Kitty".
"Not Cheers XXX"
Diane gets double-stuffed by Sam and Frasier before leaving the bar, and disappearing into obscurity forever. Yuppie domme Rebecca Howe arrives the next day and after scissoring Lilith Crane on the bar, the two are joined by Woody, who plasters both their faces with a pint of Beantown’s finest suds. Ultimately, the whole episode winds up with Carla pegging Cliff on the pool table with a strap-on.
"Not Eight Is Enough XXX"
Are you kiddin’ me?!… Four hot daughters?! No… no way… Mary doesn’t count.
and finally, the pièce de résistance!…
"This Ain’t The Facts Of Life XXX"
Mrs. Garret and Tootie wrestle Blair to the floor, pinning her down while Jo fists her to a sobbing forced orgasm! Meanwhile, from the sidelines, Natalie stuffs her face with twinkies to numb the pain of exclusion, and cousin Geri masturbates herself into a drooling seizure.
SHOW ME THE LUCITE BABY!!
Now Jeff… Will… whatever your name is…
I have but given you the seeds of greatness. They need only the fertile excrement of your artistic genius to blossom. I know you wont disappoint us!
