God answered my prayer!
In January, 2009, I cried out to God to please help me and told Him I couldn’t live like this anymore. I told Him I would give myself to Him if He would help me. The next few days I made some phone calls and moved back home. It felt so good to see them and a burst of energy ran through my body. God kept His promise and rescued me from the porn industry.
Now that I am out of the business and away from the horrible porn lifestyle I am excited to receive a special gift from God to have a baby and start my life over. Yes, I am pregnant and single but I know God has a plan for me. He even helped me overcome my addictions and I have been sober ever since I left. Everyday is a challenge and but as long as I practice and follow His steps I know He will not give up on me.
I have learned my addictions are parasites and suck the life out of me. I have learned that my addictions are alcohol, prescription pills, drugs, doing porn and sex work. Yes most definitely my addictions have promised me pleasure and have consumed my thoughts, time, money and energy. They have stolen away my loyalty and heart for those I love and who love me. I am determined I will never live that old life again and that I must destroy my addictions and if I don’t they will destroy me again.
I was talking with some friends and they brought up Shelley Lubben and the Pink Cross Foundation. I looked up her site on the internet and emailed her. The next day I was contacted by the Pink Cross staff and was sent a beautiful care package. I received a very nice card from Shelley and it meant so much to me. I met up with her and had such a wonderful time with her we talked and had such a yummy lunch. I am so happy to have Shelley and the Pink Cross support me and help me through my recovery and pregnancy. I really admire her and think that she is an amazing and beautiful person inside and out and a true leader.
I am very proud to be a part of Pink Cross because they are helping me rebuild my faith and most importantly build a strong healthy relationship with my family. I am especially thankful to my Lord Jesus Christ for setting me free and making me a totally new creation! My hope is that everyone reading my story will stop viewing porn and stop hurting women like me who get sucked into the lie of the porn industry and instead let God heal you like He is doing for me. We’re all made for something better than porn.
I love you and am praying for you,
…and God enters the picture to beat the horrible porn industry…what a surprise…
yeah…no shit. why is it always “god” and that fuckin’ dyke shelley lubbin. michelle is a weakling. what she really needs is a strong man to give a shit about her. and she needs to break her slavish addiction to lazy capitalism. she wanted easy money and i’m sure she got some of it. but being a typical brainless woman she couldn’t see beyond her immediate desires and satisfactions. so now another tale of woe. and another victim for that pariah shelley lubbin. replacing porn with piety. what a joke. imagine no religion. no hell below us. above us only sky.
but i wish her well in life anyway. seems like she’s lived a pretty hardcore existence. and that sure as shit ain’t easy when you’re a young, helpless little girl alone in this god forsaken world.
I wish Michelle Avanti the best of luck but I am bit tired of hearing how the adult movie business is responsible for everybody’s problems. It is a tough business and those that come into it with a boatload of problems usually tend to see them magnified and multiplied. I had the pleasure of knowing Michelle as she was in our movie Not Bewitched XXX. She was a great little actress and always had an upbeat personality and was always looking for the next party. It was obvious to me that she was pointed in a bad direction and I talked to her about it but like most producers/directors I am not a therapist. Contrary to reports and postings like hers which tends to paint a horribly negative light on the entire adult movie industry, I have never seen booze or drugs on a single X-Play set other than pot from some stoners but most of those pot smokers are no longer booked by us because it’s a scene we just don’t need. I can’t imagine any legitimate producer forcing a girl to take drugs or drink or make her do any particular type of sex performance to be in a movie. If these guys exist, they should be run out of town and never tolerated or booked by the agents. I can read between the lines of Michelle’s letter and it is quite obvious that somebody other than Michelle penned the note or at least helped her write it. I guess that is fine and I am not here to bash their mission but only to say quit painting us all with the same ugly brush. My advice for new girls thinking about entering this business is that if you are fucked up you will not get better by becoming a porn starlet. If you treat this as a business and have your act together give it one more thought before taking your clothes off. Best of luck to Michelle as I hope she finds some happiness because she and all the other beautiful ladies in or out of porn deserve it. Live life with laughter but please stop thinking your problems were solely created by this industry. Jeff Mullen AKA Will Ryder
Here we go again with “convert them all to Christianity” bullshit. Shelley Lubben is an overtanned, silicone-enhanced parasite who only “reaches out to porn stars” because she’s too much of an uneducated loser to get a real job herself. Seriously, have you seen her? She looks worse than Mickey Rourke.
How come I knew this story would end up embracing Jesus? It’s because people who are that fucked up are so desperate they actually lose all self respect for themselves. They let somebody else (in this case, the Church) run their life.
See, it’s much easier for Michelle this way. Michelle cannot function at all in our society. Instead of trying to fix what’s broke (get off the smack, get a low paying job, and climb back up the ladder) she took the lazy, easy way out.
This is even more disgusting than her shitting on Carly Parker.
MAN!!!! I don’t know about the girls over there in california!!! Stop blaming the Industry for your problems!!! If you don’t like it don’t do it there are others out there that will fuck in front of the camera for the $$$$$, damit!!
“How come I knew this story would end up embracing Jesus?”
All of “redemption” stories end the same way. It’s like Tourette’s, just a verbal tic they can’t seem to get rid of. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Help me Jesus!
Essentially, fault everyone else for the problems they brought on themselves, then some how credit the magical sky genie for saving them. It is rather amusing that “god” saved them yet seemed to not give a shit while they dragged themselves through the mud in the first place.
I guess it’s easier to get on your knees and pray it away than owning up to and confronting the problems which their own to begin with. This is not exclusive to the adult industry but anyone who does this. Not surprising death row inmates are the most religious people you’ll ever meet!
Just because you feel bad for the things you’ve done, it’s not a good excuse to surrender rational and logic.
Grow up. Think for yourself.
So at the end of the day, it all comes to Jesus and the same old ‘I was blind, but now I can see’ bullshit story. This is Shelly Lubben’s latest dirty trick: to put her own words into a weak, pathetic, lying durg addict fucked up whore. How lame, preditable and stupid.
But the thing about whores is they can wear whatever masks they want and call themselves whatever the fuck they want, hell, they can even try to look articulate and smart ass, but I tell you: a whore is a whore, is a fucking whore. I’ve spent years of my life using them to pleasure my stiff cock and fill up my bank account, I can say with confidence that I know them better than they know themselves. They please me, they entertain me, they piss me off, but they can never, ever punk me; that goes for all of them: contract girls, aspiring writers, evangelical priests or dancing monkeys. They’re all the fucking same to me, and I do respect them as long as they’re willing to exchange their human values and dignity with my pocket change and give me a blow job.
Will said,,,”its a tough buisness and those that come into it witha boatload of problems usually tend to see them magnified and multiplied.”
That pretty much sums up this entires girl story. She readily admits she had HUGE problems before ever getting into porn. I dont see where she ‘blames’ porn for her problems, just that they got even worse while doing porn. The porn biz is very good at being a facilitator of bad behavior, but it doesnt force that bad behavior on anybody.
What I do disagree with Will about is his tacit denial that drugs and alchohol are prevelent in porn. That just doesnt pass the smell test. He says…..”IF these guys exist they should be run out of town….” I call bullshit. It does your case no good when you make such blatant bullshit statements.
To The General, you might be right elsewhere but I was only speaking of my sets for my company X-Play where we do not see open usage. I personally am not a fan of any drug use and never have been. I didn’t say that drugs don’t exist in porn because of course they do but I guarantee that most big-time feature movie producers don’t waste much of their own money giving drugs to girls in order to complete movies let alone issue ultimatums about the need for extreme sex acts to be performed against a performer’s will. Maybe that goes on in the lower tiers of porn but I have never seen it and shame on anybody that pulls that shit. Message to any girl that runs into this situation: simply grab your bag and walk out.
Thats good advice WIll.
But ‘bigtime’ feature producers represent a very small percentage of the porn world. You said…”it was obvious to me that she was pointed in a bad direction….”..yet you had no problem hiring her, paying her, and facilitating(not causing) her journey in that bad direction that was so OBVIOUS to you as you said.
ANother quote….”maybe that goes on in the lower tiers of porn…” Do you honestly think that “MAYBE” this goes on, or isnt it more likely that it DEFINATELY” goes on.
I can read between the lines of your post too…..if youre a fucked up girl but can get to my set on time and do your job thats fine with me. That is why you too Will are “guilty” of ‘exploiting” a girl that you readily admit had major problems. Youre no hero, as a matter of fact, youre no different than the “lower tier” producers who do the same thing you do.
Only in porn is somethingwitha budget over 25,000 dollars considered “bigtime.” LOL
and will, please show me anywhere in any of theses stories where she “blames’ porn for her problems. She starts out this whole series explaining how fucked up her life was before porn, and then she describes what happened while she was in porn. You poorn guys get real defensive when people tell the truth about the actual day to day existence in the porn biz. Why is that? Or is it that the truth about the porn industry is what guys like you fear the most? Can you read between those lines?
Will, i also love this line from your post regarding producers or agents who are lets say less than requtable……”IF these guys exist”…..do you seriously think they dont or is your head that far up your own ass?….”IF” these guys exist,,,now Ive heard it all.
I also love where you say….’speaking of my sets for my company X-Play where we do not see open usage”
Read between the lines. I guess if you look the other way you dont see it.
quote from will….”I personally am not a fan of any drug use and never have been.”
But you obviously have no problem hiring and paying people who are.
i’m too drunk too comment but im lovin everything general!
The General wins by a 2nd round knockout!
jesus christ already, i have had enough of hos turning from there porn and drug addiction to there god habit. One is as bad as the other, except them appearing “in church” does nothing for my sex life.
Holy shit and I thought I would have a nice cast read-through on a beautiful Sunday afternoon for our upcoming Married with Children spoof and then relax a little bit and browse through a few websites (trying to avoid some sports scores so that I can enjoy the games tonight with a cute little porn star messed up on drugs) and I get the General sticking his bayonet up my ass. Ouch! If I look into my crystal ball I can tell the General that the upper-end porn companies will become the majority of the new production taking place in two years as most everybody else dies off and goes out of business due to free porn. Shit, the upper-end companies might be out of business too. The General might be right and he actually might know more about the industry than I do- who knows? I usually meet the talent for the first time at a casting in the weeks before or right on the set sometimes. I certainly don’t know much about most of them before we shoot them. I wish all of the girls well but I’m sure the General will find a way to argue with that statement.
I completely disagree with your analysis of the economic future of porn.
You yourself said in your post that you knew this girl had major problems. And since, like you said, youre not a therapist, those problems must have been very easy to see. Yet you had no problems using her in your “movie.” But get off your high horse. That the “big time” companies are any better than the lower tier companies is baloney. This industry does not CAUSE these girls problem, I think we agree on that. But what so few in the industry will admit is that this industry “facilitates” and magnifies those problems.
And when it comes to ripping off girls on their website money, and trademarked names the upper end companies are are more guilty than the lower end.
I also notice your generic response fails to even mention any of the specifics regarding this particular individual.
You insulate yourself by saying that you dont know much about them before you shoot them. that may well be true, but dont tell me their agents, other talent, and lots of others in your position dont know whats going on. I think in your case you are being willfully blind to what happens in your industry. I think the old saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ would be fitting here. You just keep your head buried in the sand Will, and dont look any farther than the nose on the end of your face, or else you would have to admit what you would see if you just opened your eyes.
“IF THESE GUYS EXIST”……I think that says all that needs to be said regarding your denial of what the day to day life for the average porn worker is.
Only in porn is a budget of $25,000 “big time”.
Like you said…”OUCH”……truth hurts doesnt it?
I think a lot of these girls are like unloaded guns. You can’t shoot someone, but you can pistol whip them. It’s harder to kill someone that way. Then the girls with problems enter porn and it’s like putting bullets in the gun and it makes them that much more volatile. It’s almost like General read certain comments I made about this. Exploitation is exploitation, there aren’t any gray areas.
And will, I dont see that she says anyone “forced” her to take drugs as you said, she merely said they were made readily available. Thats called facitiltating.
You said, “I cant imangine any legit producer forcing her to take drugs….” Never, anywhere did she say anyone forced her to take drugs. In your zeal to insulte the industry from its responsibility in “facilitating” these girls problems, you intentionally misrepresent what she said in order to justify your denial. You try to impugn her story by making false claims as to what she actually said. A very weak tactic, and Im calling you on it. At least be honest and accurate, dont make up shit that she never said to justify your denial.
I too wish everyone well.
And the line about the porn industry…”big time feature movie producers….” Is that what you tell the girls you are Will, a ‘big time producer? LOL
I see cable t.v. ads for local buisnesses that have higher production value and bigger budgets than the ‘big time’ porn productions.
I know Will, you were just trying to be funny. Nobody in this buisness is a ‘big time’ producer. I got the joke. What, you werent joking? LOL
I am so happy to have Shelley and the Pink Cross support me and help me through my recovery and pregnancy.
Shelley is awful for encouraging an addict with no decision making skills or intellect to give birth.
the general is likely Shelley. Note the poor reasoning skills and bias towards the porn industry and compare to other things written by Shelley.
I have to say this for Shelley, she stands up for what she believes in. She fights for it, she takes whatever shit you guys give her about it and she keeps talking. She doesn’t disappear. She doesn’t back down. She doesn’t fight back with harsh words. Whether you agree with her or not, which oft I don’t. She is a classy lady who stands up for her ideals.
Biatch, I know you feel compelled to side with whatever creature that wears a skirt and bleeds once a month because they’re the same gender as you are, but the truth is scum bags come from every gender, every race, every nation, every religion and every social group; and in case if you don’t know that, Shelly Lubben is one true scum bag. Hands down.
She doesn’t disappear, because she ain’t got no where to go, the same industry she pretends to fight against is her bread and butter and pays her fucking bills. She lies, twists the facts, leeches off whoever she can under the pretence of running a non-profit anti porn organization, etc. So do your home work before defending her, otherwise you’ll end up making an ass of yourself, just like you did in Christian’s case.
Colonel you are so elegant with your words…why is it you are not married??
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Kay, if I ever put all of my eggs in one basket and get married, I’ll lose my fire; it’s my fucking fire, and I tend to keep it. Besides, with many fresh pussies in the market, why would I put myself in a box and fuck only one pussy for the rest of my life; and don’t even get me started on the children. I hate children. Period. I don’t think they’re cute and special, I think they’re loud, messy, obnoxious and annoying; also considering the world which we live in, the biggest contribution we can make to this planet and humanity is not to fucking breed anymore. Say it ain’t so.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
all hail…the colonel.
Chip Love, thank you brother. Rock on.
And Jeremy, you’re right about that. Marriage is indeed a circus.
Colonel now who sounds like Christian!!!
“with many fresh pussies in the market, why would I put myself in a box and fuck only one pussy for the rest of my life;”
You are so crazy!
And you would adore my kids. They have even hardened criminals eating out of their hands.
How do you know you haven’t fathered any? Maybe in a few years an 18 year old will coming looking for you. From what I have seen you don’t wear protection!
You never know. Happy Fathers Day.
So Kay, what are you trying to prove by your Christian remark? I don’t understand how and why do I sound like him. And tell me again why am I so crazy? I don’t comply with a pre dark ages tradition, I want to have my freedom and my space in life, I don’t want to share my house and my bank account with some one else, and that makes me crazy? Maybe it’s the other way around.
As far as kids, I don’t have any, and I don’t want any. Yes, as you saw in videos I sent you I don’t wear protection, but then again I don’t like to cum in the pussy either. I like to cum inside asshole or mouth, I love it when girls make a snow ball with my cum, like what Rayveness did in that video. You and I should do something like that.
Remember the famous “girls recycle” debate with Christian..
“with many fresh pussies in the market, why would I put myself in a box and fuck only one pussy for the rest of my life;”
And yes in the videos those are your favorite places but you do go to the front, so maybe, just maybe there is a little Colonel running around too.
And stop being so graphic you know how it make me shiver!
LOL Now Im shelley Luben. You guys are a riot.
Kay my dear, never mind the shiver, when the time comes, you’ll enjoy every second and will love every drop. I guarantee that.